Jennifer Marlowe (Loni Anderson) vs. Daisy Duke (Catherine Bach) by Belial 22-Jun-00

Not as crazy as it sounds. Jennifer Marlowe (WKRP in Cincinnati) was a good ol' girl from a Hazard-like town who had transformed herself into the classy receptionist we all know and love. Growing up near Hazard, Saturday nights would see young girls like Marlowe gravitate to the Boar's Nest for punch ups against Daisy Duke (Dukes of Hazard) and other Hazard County luminaries (think 'Any Which Way But Loose' for the tenor of the action).

Fast forward - Marlowe returns to Hazard County for personal reasons, but stops by the Nest to find Daisy still schlepping behind the bar and the old rivalry gets cookin' again!

Daisy in her trademark shorts from the credits, Jennifer in white bra/panty set from the pin ups and promos for WKRP - hair up, looking all cheek bony and haughty with her primped, overdone look.

Marlowe does well inside the bar - taking the early lead by running Daisy into walls and tables, keeping the brunette off balance with a high tempo attack. Marlowe, standing up straight in a classic stance, smiles sweetly as she knocks Daisy's head back with a robotic jab - Jen showing all the skills of a big city sophisticate.

The fight changes, however, when the girls spill out of the Boar's nest in broad daylight, stumbling into the dirt parking lot where cars are conveniently circled to mark off a fighting area. Daisy Duke takes over with wild, uninhibited brawling, hands in the air as she kicks to the chest and stomach, hair in her eyes etc.

Marlowe reeling back, taking sweeping blows and posing picturesquely as Daisy goes for broke. Daisy not shy about kicking the sophisticated blond between the legs - the brunette smiles, licks her lips evilly as blonde starts to fall apart, hands at her crotch, stumbling around the dirt area.

Daisy starts to finish with her best Eastwood bare-knuckle imitation, cracking back Jen's head with a pulverizing left and leaning into the right. Fight weaves to the General Lee as a groggy Jen puts her butt on the hood and looks punchy. Daisy going to Marlowe's gut with exuberance, bending back her head as she sinks her fist into the red suit, pitching Marlowe over, then straightening her against the car by her shoulders. Duke leaving her shorts to plow right hands across Marlowe's mouth pounds the blonde into a stupor - Marlowe coming to a rest on her back sprawled across the hood of the car under the hot Hazard sun.

Daisy draws the back of her hand across her mouth, smiles wickedly and goes back into the bar for a pitcher of Bud. She returns to pour the suds slowly onto Jen's battered, sleeping face, bringing the blonde to a sputtering semi-wakeful daze and laughing as Hazard denizen's crowd around.

Roll closing credits.

Daisy goes on the road, ala 'Any Which Way You Can', bareknuckling in towns and roadside bars, fighting the local Hooter's champs, beating up the captain of a tier II college gymnastics squad in her own gym - basically making some money for the buy-in apartment wrestling tournament in Cincinnati, where, you guessed it, Jennifer Marlowe is the reigning champ.

The climactic fight takes place in a swank penthouse. The Dukes look out of place amidst all the tuxedos and backless dresses. Add to this, Daisy's had to sign all sorts of contracts stipulating rules and regulations ad infinitum - bottom line she's intimidated and not herself when Marlowe takes the floor against her.

This time, Daisy looks bumpkin-like in a red bikini - Marlowe in a white Cynara cut bikini, hair up - the confident crowd favourite. She calmly goes to shake Daisy's hand before the match, and it's a big mistake.

Holding Duke's hand, Jennifer starts out with some big, straight arm left hand slaps to Daisy's cheeks, smacking the taste out of the brunette's mouth in a blur of long brown hair as the crowd roars.

Jen then proceeds to break every provision of the contract, holding stunned Daisy by the shoulder and ramming hard right hands to the pit of her stomach, or holding her bikini strap and punching her upside the head ala Cynara vs Jenny. Battered and run all around the apartment - Duke is a mess - just getting her ass kicked as Jennifer cheats, roughhouses, and piles on.

With Duke hurt, Marlowe takes her time to look good. Side to side, she doubles Daisy over with an elbow to the gut - Jen all smiles as Duke soaks up punishment. On the floor - Jen sits behind Daisy and grinds the waist scissors - giving Duke a humiliating taste of her own medicine with the brunette's signature move.

Marlowe constantly holding and hitting - Daisy on her haunches, ala Denise, Jen on one knee ala Cynara, left arm around Daisy's neck while plowing little girlish right hands into the sleepy brunette's face. Duke's face lolling against Jen's breast as the blonde slugs with a little smile on her cruel lips.

What a picture!

Jen could finish it any time, but she drags it out, really laying a beating on the bumpkin that won't be soon forgotten.

She rolls Daisy up with her legs over her head, buttocks to the ceiling ala Claire/Olivia and smiles as Duke gurgles piteously. She holds Daisy's arms back and digs a knee into her spine - Duke with eyes closed, hair in her face, sobbing in protest. She wishbones Daisy's legs, standing as Duke lies helpless on her back to deliver stomping right feet to the belly and red trunks of her foe - Duke groaning - arching her back as she soaks it up.

In the end, Daisy on her hands and knees - Jennifer mounts a series of tackles, driving her shoulder in from the side to land WWF low blows between Daisy's legs, putting Duke to her belly over and over again until Daisy can't get up.

Then Jen rolls Daisy over, hooks the limp, curvy leg and smiles as she lays her chest on the battered brunette for the 3 count. Lots of sexy poses as flashbulbs record the victory - Jen with her foot on Daisy, Jen flexing, Jen walking away with a haughty look as Duke curls to her side.

Then with Daisy trying to rise, Jen sits on the brunette's tummy and folds her forward, smothering Daisy out with those luscious tits in that classy black bikini. Jen just smiling, holding Daisy's face against herself, then letting the brunette fall limply to lie out cold on the carpet.

Oh the humanity.

Later: A bruised and fat-lipped Daisy Duke sits in the rainy window booth of a Denny's the next morning, Bo Luke and the old guy all sitting silently, picking at their 'Piggies in a Blanket', contemplating their next move. They lost all their dough, and Daisy lost her pride in that apartment.

A plan - that's what they need.