The New Charlie's Angels vs. The Judds (c) by John J.

Ashley Judd's biggest problem had always been her mouth, and never knowing when it was best to keep it shut. This time was no different. Ashley Judd was at a party at one of her friend's house and started to mouth off to some people.

She made comments like, "I can't understand why the producers would pick that bitch Drew Barrymore over me for the Charlie's Angels movie. I'm a WAY better actress than that slut!"

Lucy Liu happened to be at that party and overheard one of Ashley's drunken tirades about her loss of the Charlie's Angel role. Lucy tried to go over and confront Ashley about her attitude, but Lucy lost sight of her in the crowd, and she didn't get her chance to confront the other actress. About an hour later, Lucy Liu walked into the bathroom at the party, and nearly crashed into Ashley Judd, literally.

"Watch where your going, bitch!" Ashley hissed in a rage.

Lucy whirled and fired back, "Don't tell me to watch where I'm going, slut! You can barely walk! I ought to knock you flat on your ass, after what I heard you saying about Drew!"

Ashley raised her fists, "You want a piece of me? Huh? I'm right here! Let's go!"

The other women heard the argument and started to yell, "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

Both actresses were rather drunk and the few punches they did manage to throw, hit nothing but air. The hostess and several other people quickly broke up the altercation and threw both Ashley and Lucy out of the party.


Over a month passed, and several times the new Angels and the Judds ran into each other. While they weren't talking like old friends, there also wasn't a physical or verbal altercation either. Everyone had thought that situation had settled down and that Ashley's comments were forgotten.

All three members of the Judd family, Ashley, Wynonna and Naomi were present at a Christmas / New Year charity fund-raiser to help people that suffered losses with the Year 2000 problems. Present at the same fund-raiser were all three of the new Charlie's Angels actresses. As inevitably happens, during the night, Ashley Judd and Drew Barrymore ran into each other, and an argument ensued.

Drew blocked Ashley's path as she said, "Lucy told me about what you said at the party. You owe me an apology! And I want it now, bitch!"

Ashley put her hands on her hips and said, "Go to hell! I'm not giving you a damn apology. You stole my movie role, you thief slut! How many guys did you roll around in the sack with to steal that role from me?"

Drew's face turned red with anger and embarrassment at that insult. She didn't say a word, but just hauled back and cracked Ashley across the face with a hard slap. The slap got the entire room's attention. By that point, Cameron and Lucy had grabbed Drew while Naomi and Wynonna had done the same with Ashley. They pulled them apart and things seemed to calm down. Then, a few minutes later, one of the charity organizers asked all six ladies to meet in his office, in private. They all did.

He said, "I asked you here for a reason, which the six of you may accept or decline. We've just received a very generous offer from a gentleman here at the fund-raiser who witnessed the little argument earlier. He's offered a quarter of a million dollars to the charity if Ashley and Drew fight it out, to a knockout ending."

Ashley quickly said, "Hell YES! I accept."

Drew chimed in, "ME too! Let's go!"

The man went on, "Thank you ladies, but that's not all. The gentleman also made the offer to raise the donation to one million dollars to see all six of you fight it out, three against three, tag team style."

Cameron didn't take a moment to think, she just said quickly, "I'm in."

Lucy added, "Me too! This is gonna be fun!"

All the eyes turned toward the Judds. Naomi was hesitant, so was Wynonna. Ashley, Naomi and Wynonna started to talk.

Naomi said, "I'm too old to fight those young girls."

Wynonna added, "And I'm not in fighting shape."

Ashley said, "I know. But we can take them."

Drew cackled, "What's the matter, Chicken? All talk, no action."

Ashley's temper flared.

She whirled and said, "We accept!"

The man said, "Excellent. We'll make the arrangements. The fight will take place in an hour."

Naomi and Wynonna said in unison, "AN HOUR!"

The man handed each time a sheet of paper and said, "These are the fight rules. Outside of what's on this paper, anything goes."

The paper read, "Three vs. Three fight rules. No foreign objects can be used inside the ring. The fight will be one-on-one but in the corner or outside the ring, double or even triple teaming is allowed The fight continues until all three members of one team are eliminated. Elimination occurs by knockout or submission. Once someone is eliminated she cannot help her team any further."

When Naomi finished reading the rules, she called the man over.

"Wait a minute. I thought this was just supposed to be for fun, for a fund-raiser. This is going to be a real fight."

The man said, "Yes, it is. These are the rules that donor wants."

Naomi said, "Then, we back out."

Ashley said, "No, mom. I have to show Cameron, Lucy and Drew."

He replied, "Sorry, but the fight is set. Everything is ready."

Naomi sighed, "Alright."

Naomi left in a huff and the Judds went to get ready for the fight. All six women got ready for the fight and put on bikini swimsuits provided.

The Judd family was introduced first.

The announcer came out and stood in center ring as she said, "Our first team in this charity catfight event is the Judd family. Here are Naomi, Wynonna, and Ashley Judd."

The three Judd women came out as the audience hollered and clapped for them. They nervously stepped up to the ring. Wynonna climbed in first, the choice to start the fight.

The announcer continued, "And their opponents are the new Charlie's Angels. Let's hear it for Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu and Drew Barrymore."

The Angels strutted out to the ring as the audience cheered and hollered for them. Lucy stepped in first, the starter for the Angels. The two starters charged toward each other. Lucy easily ducked under a clumsy punch from Wynonna. Lucy bounced off the far ropes and sent the big girl into the corner with a flying kick to the tits.

Drew was ready. She grabbed Wynonna's arms and wrenched them back in a double armbar. With Wynonna held in place, Lucy and Cameron pounded her stomach, face and tits with a barrage of punches and kicks. Ashley Judd jumped into the ring and attacked the Angels from behind!

She targeted Lucy and nailed her with a dropkick to the back of the head. Lucy staggered away groggily, rubbing her head. Drew released Wynonna and the big girl dropped hard, gulping down air to catch her breath.

Drew leaped over the ropes and tackled Ashley. Drew hoisted Ashley to her feet by the hair and whipped her into the corner. Cameron had a solid hold on Wynonna as well. Just as Ashley turned, Cameron whipped Wynonna into her. Cameron and Lucy kept Wynonna and Ashley trapped into the corner, while Drew charged across the ring to attack Naomi Judd.

Drew grabbed Naomi by the hair and hauled her into the ring. A couple hard chops to the chest left Naomi winded and dazed. Drew continued her attack as she pulled Naomi up, only to put her down again with a bodyslam. She followed up with a leg drop across the throat.

Cameron and Lucy continued to handle Wynonna and Ashley. Cameron kept a solid hold on Wynonna's hair as the duo repeatedly slammed the big Wynonna into her younger sister Ashley, keeping her pinned in the corner and dazed with the splashes. Lucy kept Wynonna under control with kidney punches.

Wynonna finally used her size advantage to break free with a strong backfist that startled Cameron and knocked the blonde away. Lucy ducked and backed away as Wynonna's backfist flew past. Lucy faced off with the big Wynonna, while Ashley recovered in the corner and Cameron pulled herself up.

Lucy lunged at Wynonna, and the big girl set herself. Lucy bounced off like a ragdoll, while Wynonna smirked.

Wynonna picked Lucy up and slammed her down hard with a backbreaker. Cameron had in the meantime gotten herself together. She moved into place and kicked Wynonna hard in the back of the knee. Wynonna yelped and released Lucy from the backbacker.

Cameron spotted Ashley Judd coming out of the corner and she quickly charged in and gave the girl a clothesline. She picked Ashley up and slammed her down to the floor outside the ring. Cameron quickly turned her attention to Wynonna, who had just grabbed Lucy by the hair. Cameron jumped in and nailed Wynonna with another hard kick to the back of the knee. Wynonna's leg buckled and the big girl dropped hard.

The two Angels worked as a team and picked up Wynonna. They tossed her up and over the ropes, down on top of Ashley, who had just started to get up. With the other Judds out of the action for a while, Cameron and Lucy went to help Drew eliminate the third member of the family.

Naomi rolled out of the way just as Drew was coming down with an elbow drop to the tits. Naomi started to kick the downed Angel in the ribs but Cameron and Lucy moved in and each grabbed one of Naomi's arms. They pulled her into the corner where Cameron landed repeated blows and chops to Naomi's face, throat and tits while Lucy punched and kicked Naomi's stomach and crotch. Naomi sagged to the canvas under the brutal double team attack. Lucy pulled Naomi up and whipped her off the ropes then they dropped her with a brutal double clothesline. Drew followed with a nasty elbow drop to the crotch before she and Lucy slid out under the ropes to contain the other two Judds while Cameron remained to deal with Naomi.

Cameron grabbed Naomi and hoisted the older woman into the air in a standing headscissors and then dropped her with a piledriver. Cameron followed up with a swinging neckbreaker that nearly took Naomi's head off! Cameron moved behind the dazed Judd and clamped on a sleeper. Naomi didn't have the power to resist and Cameron Diaz poured on the pressure.

Meanwhile, outside the ring, Drew went right at Wynonna, grabbing the big girl and smashing her head into the steel ringpost. Wynonna's head smacked and she bounced off, landing with a thud. Lucy and Drew doubled teamed Wynonna and repeatedly stomped at her soft gut and thick legs, taking some of the fight out of her. Ashley started to get up and Drew went after her, grabbed her in a standing headscissors and put her down hard with a pedigree.

Ashley's face smacked against the concrete floor. Drew put her down again with a piledriver into the floor. Ashley sagged to the floor in pain.

Drew returned her attention back to Wynonna as the big Judd reversed an attempted whip into the post from Lucy and sent Lucy into the post instead. Wynonna charged in and splashed Lucy against the post. Lucy dropped hard just as Drew jumped in and kicked Wynonna's leg again, The big woman went down and rolled onto Lucy, giving the black-haired Asian beauty a full body press. She tried to use her size and weight to knock the smaller girl out. Drew yanked on Wynonna's hair as she tried to drag the big girl off her teammate. Wynonna wouldn't budge.

Back in the ring, Cameron kept up the pressure as Naomi's struggles and attempts to escape faded. Cameron got up off her unconscious opponent, gave Naomi one last kick which sent her out of the ring down on the floor with a thud.

Attendants carried Naomi to the dressing room and checked her out to be sure that she was OK. She was fine, except for bruises.

Cameron surveyed the situation with her teammates and went to help Drew pull Wynonna off Lucy. Together, the two blonde Angels hauled Wynonna off their teammate. Cameron held Wynonna as Drew attacked her with a hard kick to the pussy. Wynonna screamed and collapsed in pain. While the two blondes were busy with her sister, Ashley caught Lucy with a hard elbow to the pussy, then sat down on Lucy's face to smother the brunette Angel out.

Cameron held Wynonna's arms in a secure armbar hold and Drew relentlessly pounded the big girl with punches and kicks, concentrated on her tits and crotch.

After seven blows to her crotch, Wynonna tearfully screamed out, "I QUIT! PLEASE STOP! NO MORE!"

Hearing her surrender, the Angels stopped their attack and dropped Wynonna. Sobbing uncontrollably, she painfully and slowly rolled out under the ropes. Holding herself with two hands between tightly clenched jiggling thighs, she staggered away toward the dressing room to check on her Mother's condition.

Cameron and Drew finally realized that Lucy wasn't with them. They looked around and saw Ashley Judd getting up off the body of their teammate, Lucy. Cameron hit her high and Drew hit her low as they took Ashley down hard to the cement. The fight was supposed to be to two out of three falls and The Angels had won the fight at this point - the announcer had just declared as much in an announcement. But the ladies weren't listening to announcements, they were intent on finishing each other off. All three scrambled to their feet and faced off, two against one. Drew whispered something to Cameron and she backed off slightly.

Drew kept her fists raised defensively as she said, "Ashley, your problem is with me. My problem is with you. What do you say we finish this, just you and me? Cameron won't interfere. It's just us, one-on-one, for the fund-raiser AND the Angel's role. Got the tits for that, bitch?"

Ashley wasn't stupid and knew her chance were a lot better one-on-one, than two-on-one. Besides, Drew was right. She was the one Ashley wanted anyhow.

She answered, "Fine. Let's go."

Cameron Diaz sighed, shrugged, helped Lucy to her feet and they left the fight area. Ashley and Drew stood there alone, face-to-face outside the ring, ready to finish the fight. They circled each other, fists raised. Both watched and searched for an opportunity to attack. Ashley saw her chance and fired a hook at Drew's jaw.

Drew easily ducked under the blow and caught Ashley's arm. She wrenched the arm around hard and put Ashley in a hammerlock. Ashley howled as Drew pulled. Ashley managed to reverse the hammerlock and trap Drew; then Drew quickly did the same, gaining control once again.

Drew grabbed a fistful of Ashley's hair and smashed her head into the ringpost. Ashley staggered back, dazed. Drew backed up and got some speed. She charged and landed a perfect dropkick to Ashley's tits. Ashley fell back into the guardrail and landed hard. Drew grabbed Ashley and started to choke her on the guardrail.

After a couple hard elbows to the tits, Ashley broke free. She whirled at Drew and hammered her with a spinning kick to the face that bloodied her nose. Drew staggered back as Ashley pursued her. Ashley kicked at Drew again, but Drew rolled away and kicked out, nailing Ashley in the gut with a counterblow. Ashley winced in pain and moved her fists to protect herself better as Drew sprang to her feet.

Both ladies showed excellent fighting skills as they ducked, dodged and countered the other's blows, without many hits. Drew broke the stalemate as she drove a hard right through Ashley's defense and flattened her tit into her chest. Ashley quickly adjusted her defense to shield her tits better. Drew saw it and took advantage. She pounded Ashley's head with a left hook and Ashley dropped like a ton of bricks, glassy-eyed.

It didn't look like Ashley would be able to beat the count-out, but Drew didn't give her the chance. She hauled Ashley to her feet and whipped her into the cornerpost. Ashley dropped limp to the floor, barely with it. Drew hoisted Ashley up in a standing headscissors, then put her down with a piledriver. Ashley bounced once and collapsed. Drew moved in close and put Ashley into a figure-4 headscissors. Drew squeezed as hard as she could and poured on the pressure. Ashley didn't resist at all. Drew kept the pressure on until she was certain that Ashley was out cold, then she got up and kicked Ashley away.

By this time, Lucy, Wynonna and Naomi had been tended to and were back in the arena watching the finale of the fight. Lucy and Cameron went to the ring and climbed up beside Drew. The trio of Angels stood side-by-side, hands clasped together.

They raised their hands in unison and said, "The winners: Charlie's Angels by KO! Two KO's to be precise and a submission."

Drew took the microphone and said, "That was fun. I barely worked up a sweat. Next time we do one of these fights, bring us some competition! As for you Judds - if you girls want to try again, give us a call. We love to do you, you're so soft and squeezable. But, please, next time girls ... PRACTICE FIRST!"

With that, the "New Charlie's Angels" turned around laughing and pranced out of the arena - holding their hands raised high over their heads in victory.

Final vote: Angels-156, Judds-52