Asia Argento vs. Jeri Ryan by Mika 25-Feb-00

Patrick: Hello fans, welcome back, we got a great match scheduled for you next.

Gerald: Yeah, this is the debut of Asia Argento, an Italian beauty.

P: She goes up against Jeri Ryan.

G: Here comes Jeri now, she is coming down to the ring in a black halter top and a black short skirt.

P: That skirt is awfully short.

G: Does that bother you or something?

P: No, oh look, here comes Asia Argento, she is wearing a blood red thong bikini, it is low-cut... look at that tattoo below her belly button, can you tell what it is?

G: It looks to be of a topless angel or a topless goddess.

P: Asia climbs into the ring. Asia attacks Jeri before the bell, kicking her in the crotch!

G: Now that was a low blow!

P: You should know about that Gerald...

G: Oh stop it!

P: Asia tosses Jeri back and forth across the ring by her hair, Asia just pulled some blonde hair out and let it fall to the mat!!

G: There is blonde hair starting to gather in the ring.

P: Asia sends Jeri to the ropes, Asia plows Jeri with a clothesline spinning her 360 degrees around!!! Wow that nearly decapitated the blonde!!!

G: What is Asia doing now?

P: It looks as if she is pulling off Jeri's top, yes she is!!! Jeri is now topless!!! Her breasts swing free.

G: Asia backs Jeri into the turnbuckle and begins hammering away on those breasts, they make big targets!!!

P: Now that is what I call some punching bags!!!

G: You're going too far Patrick!!

P: What????

G: It is time for a time-out I think for you.

P: What did I do?

G: I think I am going to have the producer turn your mic off. Anyway back in the ring the Italian beauty lifts the now begging Jeri up by her breasts and tosses her across the ring!!! Wow what strength in the Italian woman.

P: Asia's only 22 years old I hear...

G: She's too young for you.

P: Oh Christ, you know where I stand Gerald!

G: Oh look who is coming down the aisle and joining us in the announcer booth, Salma Hayek.

Salma: Hi guys, I came down here to check out this new comer Asia, and I also wanted to check out Jeri Ryan, Cathy and I may be facing her in the next tournament unless my Latin sister Maria Checa and Patricia Valesquez win the match... but it is looking pretty bleak after the Italian team of Maria Cucinotta and Monica beat them down in the ring.

P: Well Salma, those Italians have a history of beating a lot of people down in this league so far... they really took it out on the Fighting Heathers, the Latinas and the other Italian team.

G: Anyway back in the ring, Asia is straddling Jeri and slapping her silly, man look at the red handprints on her face now!

P: Uh oh, Asia switched tactics, she is going for the breasts, she is slapping Jeri's balloons about like crazy, man they are really bouncing now!

G: Look at that breast claw she is putting on Jeri now, Jeri is really howling!!

P: She is begging the Italian to stop

G: Uh oh, here comes trouble, fans, Maria and Monica are coming down to the ring.

S: Are they here to cause trouble? I better hide.

P: These girls have been interfering in people's matches since day one of the tournament, what despicable things are they possibly going to do now?

S: I don't know, but I want to stay the hell away from Cucinotta, she is loca. There are a few screws loose in her head, her elevator doesn't reach the top floor.

G: Look at that crazed look in her eyes.

P: Asia is totally going to work on the screaming Jeri's breasts in the ring, neither fighter is aware of the two tall Italians that just came to the ring.

G: Asia picks Jeri up and bodyslams her to the mat.

P: Oh that had to be great for the back!!

S: What is Argento doing now?

P: She is stripping Jeri of her skirt, it is off fans, Jeri is just in a pair of black lace panties now.

G: The skirt is now in the audience, somebody got themselves a souvenir.

P: Asia lifts Jeri by her hair and sticks her head between her legs

S: What the Hell is Asia doing????

G: Looks like she is about to give Jeri a wedgie.

S: I'm still not that good with English slang, what is a wedgie?

P: Watch.

G: Asia has ahold of Jeri's panties, she is really pulling away on them, Jeri's panties are being stretched up to her neck!!! Oh my god!!!! they just ripped!!!! Jeri is nude

S: This is sick!!!

G: Jeri's panties are now in the crowd.

P: Somebody's going to get a good sniff of them I think, you know what they are going to do with those panties when they get home?

G: Oh stop it!!! I think it is time for a time out talking like that in front of a lady.

S: Come on Pat, that was sick, I don't want to hear about that!!!

P: Look at Asia going to work on Jeri's pubic hair, I guess she really isn't a blonde huh?

G: Patrick, you are going to far in front of our guest Salma. Fans, I cannot even describe what Asia is doing to Jeri, I hate to speak about this in front of Salma, but she is clawing away at Jeri's crotch...

P: She is pulling on Jeri's clit...

G: Patrick!!!!!

P: What???? I am just reporting what I am seeing.

G: Oh my god, Asia just whipped Jeri over the top rope, into the pack of wolves Maria and Monica.

S: That is dangerous territory for Ms. Ryan

P: Look at the strength of Cucinotta, she is pressing Jeri over her head and throwing her back in the ring.

G: And... Monica just gave Asia a thumbs up sign.

P: Asia just kicked Jeri in the crotch, Jeri is bent over!

G: Uh oh, big powerbomb!!!! Jeri looks to be out!!!!

S: She isn't done yet guys...

P: No, Asia just pulled down her bikini bottoms and is reverse sitting on Jeri's face.

S: This is too sick, I will see you guys later, I can't watch this anymore, adios amigos.

G: Bye Salma

P: Well it looks like Ms. Hayek has left the ringside area, she can't handle what she has been seeing. I guess that means I can act up again.

G: No it doesn't.

P: Jeri is no longer struggling underneath Asia's reverse face sit, Jeri is out cold, the ref rings the bell.

G: Wow!!! That was what I call some domination... oh no, Maria and Monica are entering the ring.

P: Maria and Monica hold up Asia's hands in victory.

G: It was over as soon as it began, Jeri was practically Asia's jobber. Jeri is normally a great fighter...

P: Apparently she under estimated the Italian rookie... Oh no, what is Asia doing now???

G: It looks like Asia is slapping Jeri awake... Asia is pointing to the tattoo on her belly of the goddess.

P: She is making Jeri kiss it... oh how humiliating.

G: Now she is making Jeri bow, and look at those other two Italian sluts Maria and Monica they are laughing their asses off at Jeri's humiliation!!!

P: Oh my god!!!! look what Asia is having Jeri do now!!!! She is making her... oh my god...

G: Oh the humanity!!!

P: She is making Jeri lick her pussy!!

G: You can't say that?

P: Why?? This is an adults only show!!

G: Oh forget it!! Oh now what is Cucinotta doing? She is getting her two cents in.

P: That is all she has been doing since she entered the league.

G: Maria just took off her shirt, her breasts are now exposed...

P: Yeah, and Maria has 40D's!!!

G: How do you know?

P: I have ways of finding out.

G: We've seen this move before by the Sicilian.

P: Maria is shoving Jeri's face between her tits, into that endless valley of cleavage...

G: You are going to far!!

P: I am reporting it like how it is!

G: Maria has the breast smother on Jeri, Jeri's feet are off of the ground as Maria climbs to the second turnbuckle... Jeri is out.

P: Maria just lets her drop for good measure...

G: Oh look at those dirty Italians celebrating, fans I am offended at what I just saw, this is totally disgusting, this is poor sportsmanship in women's wrestling these days!!! This has gotta stop!!!

P: The three Italians leave the ring as medics come to attend to Ms. Ryan, what a match!!

G: It was terrible, I have not seen so much unsportsmanlike conduct since seeing a Red Wings vs. Avalanche hockey game... fans we will be right back with the next match!