Jewel Kilcher vs. Beyonce Knowles by simgrrl

The PornStar Network (TPSN) is fortunate to have Charlize Theron sitting in their booth at ringside to provide color commentary for this epic Black vs. White contest sponsored by JT's Fantasy and Porn Star Fight Club, Inc. It's a match featuring two well-built, strong and powerful lightweights. PSFC has arranged for Theron, the 'Golden Goddess', to provide the color commentary so she can get a first hand, up-close, look at a possible future pponent in Beyonce. Jewel has said she's out to make that bout superfluous, announcing she has her own plans for Theron and that she'd like nothing better than to derail Beyonce's plans to add another blonde pelt to her already impressive collection. Beyonce, between snickers, says, "Jewel's no better a boxer than she is a singer. I doubt she'll be lucky to last as long as my loast opponent...what was that, six rounds?"

"Jewel hits too hard for Beyonce," Charlize purrs smoothly, grinning at the thought of watching Beyonce going down to defeat (and maybe thinking she'd rather face Jewel than Beyonce?) "She'll work that soft body to take Knowles strong legs away, then Jewel's going headhunting. I see the big blonde walking away with the win inside six rounds."

Theron, asked about a possible fight with Knowles, refused to discuss it, saying only, "That's in the future; there's no sense getting ahead of ourselves. Besides, I already predicted Beyonce's gonna 'sleep with the fishes' before this is done."

The oddsmakers don't share Theron's optimism! Knowles opened a solid 4:1 favorite and by fight night, she was a prohibitive 9:2 odds-on choice. Bettors are shying away from any blondes and of the six fights on the card, the four blonde participants all went into the ring huge underdogs to their Black, Hispanic or Asian opponent!

The worst example was Sunny McKay, a porn star of some repute, who faced Ebony Ayres, the Porn Star Club champion in an eight round preliminary match. The fight was taken off the board when bettors refused to wager on McKay, one stating with a leer..."She came from down under, and when Ebony's finished, down under's where she's goin' back to. The blonde's got no chance; zilch; zero; nada!" Sadly, it appeared he was correct as McKay's slender body took a beating before she quit in tears on her stool after the fifth round and her blonde sisters didn't fare any better, all of them losing one-sided bouts. If Jewel isn't worried as she walks to the ring, she should be!

And as Jewel comes out of her dressing room toward the ring, she's frowning and glowering because she's been forced by the promoters to wear a tiny thong bikini and the cups are way too tiny to hold her big breasts. She's clearly self-conscious about her soft, pale, fleshy asscheeks jiggling in full view but when Knowles comes bouncing down the aisle accompanied by her 'Destiny's Child' partners Kelly and Michelle and climbs into the ring, Jewel's expression hardens and her eyes narrow. Beyonce looks bubbly and cocky in a pair of gold, skintight short-shorts and matching strapless halter. As they get face to face for the instructions, everyone at ringside notes the black woman's hard, flat six-pack abs and tightly muscled thighs; both a stark contrast to Jewel whose stomach is smooth and soft, with a gentle roll just above the tight string of her thong. Jewel's legs are perfectly shaped, but lack the muscularity of Beyonce's. Only in the upper body does Jewel have a clear advantage with tight biceps and a more muscular shoulders that give her the look of a dangerous puncher - something she's proven to be in her recent fights.

Round 1 Jewel rushing out of her corner trying to catch Beyonce unaware, but the wily Black girl isn't falling for it and Jewel walks right into a lead right that sends ripples through her body and leaves her with legs quivering. As she stumbles back in a daze, Beyonce jumps in with another big right that drapes the dazed white girl backward over the middle rope not thirty seconds into the fight. The crowd on their feet screaming for a quick KO, but the referee intervenes to give the dazed young singer a chance to untangle herself. By the time Beyonce is waved back in, Jewel looks to have recovered from the early trauma as she uses her left jab to keep Beyonce at arms length as she circles away from Knowles big right hand. Beyonce, eager to finish things, gets a bit TOO eager. She misses with another right and Jewel comes up inside with a thunderclap right that drops the startled young black woman on that fabulous bootylicious butt! Beyonce rolls over and gets to her hands and knees, eyes unfocussed, as she struggles to get to her feet. She does at nine, just beating the count! The ref wipes off her gloves and Jewel gets right back up on her horse and rides Beyonce like a carnival merry-go-round pony for the rest of the round! Cuffing lefts and ripping rights to the torso tear up the wobbly young Black singer until the referee jumps in and pulls Jewel off her at the bell!

At ringside, Charlize is on her feet, screaming into her microphone, "finish....finish....finish!" Oh the humanity!! When she sits down out of breath, the blonde is on the edge of her seat, eyes fixed on Jewel as her corner wipes her brow, gives her a drink and massages her thighs. Theron licks her lips as she watches the trainers hands slide briskly up and down Jewel's thighs, rolling the pliable flesh. As the woman's fingertips brush up under the edge of Jewel's tiny bikini bottom the young singer smiles and says something to the masseuse that makes her grin. "Keep your mind on the fight dammit," Charlize mutters, forgetting about her open microphone for a moment, then blushing furiously.

Round 2 Jewel looks a bit armweary after battering Beyonce around the ring for much of the first round, she really laid the leather on her but now she seems content to let Beyonce come to her to start of the second. Knowles is looking to hurt the blonde early and is marching forward behind a stiff left jab that has Jewel looking a bit confused. Knowles keeps moving side to side but then she walks into a huge upper-cut from the blonde and Beyonce reels back hurting; her legs rubbery and Jewel is right after her, swinging with both hands. Beyonce struggling to stay on her feet as Jewel opens up with hard shots looking to finish. It's good to be a dancer sometimes! Beyonce manages to use her strong dancers legs to avoid the heavy leather and then begins to fight back with gritty determination. It's a war until the bell sounds and both women continue to hammer each other even after time expires. Ref has to intervene and Jewel chests up into Beyonce, who pushes a late punch into the blonde's gut.

As they're wrestled apart, Charlize at ringside is standing and clapping, telling viewers she's the one who showed Jewel how to throw that uppercut against Knowles. "That's the way to beat her," Theron crows. "She's a sucker for the uppercut. Jewel's got Beyonce on the run now...can't let up...put the leather to her hard this round...stick and move, stick and move."

Round 3 You can see Jewel's confidence growing as she waits for the bell leaning back on the turnbuckle, her arms draped over the top rope, a tight little grin on her lips. Both women surge out of their corners and go straight for the other. They hunker down mid-ring and trade heavy, hard blows with neither seemingly getting the advantage. Both score to the body, but Jewel's punches seem harder and as the round goes into the second minute, Knowles begins to give ground as Jewel leans into her and batters the Black beauty up and down both flanks with breath-taking left and right hooks. Beyonce fits in her own punches as well, once nearly propelling Jewel's left breast out of her tiny top with an uppercut, and another sinking deep in Jewel's belly just below her naval. That one stopped the busty blonde in her tracks - but only momentarily! As Beyonce resets, Jewel tags her with a quick left that spins Beyonce halfway round, then a straight right between the eyes rocks her back into the ropes - the only thing that keeps the Black girl from going down again! With Beyonce draped in the ropes, Jewel goes to the body; her head wedged between Beyonce's bouncing boobs, both fists thumping that flat, hard belly as Beyonce holds Jewel's head and takes and takes. Referee watching closely, checking to see if Beyonce is too hurt to go on. Realizing he's about to stop the fight, Beyonce has to punch back! A low blow stops Jewel's attack, then Beyonce pushes Jewel's shoulders back while she's gasping for air, winds up and ... JEWEL'S HURT! Beyonce's big right hook catches all of Jewel's jutting jaw and the blonde reels away hurt; staggering and nearly falling. Jewel grabs the ropes trying to stay on her feet and now it's all Beyonce! Ripping hard to Jewel's suspect body, Knowles tears into the soft paunch of the hurting young singer. Jewel looks ready to go down but she's saved by the bell...but Beyonce doesn't stop punching until she's dragged off of Jewel by the referee!!

Theron, sitting in silent shock at ringside; only her heavy breathing can be heard and the PSFC announcer has to ask if she's alright. Instead of speaking, Theron just nods dumbly, staring wide-eyed as the wounded Jewel is helped gently back to her corner and put on her stool. Smelling salts and cold compresses are applied liberally while across the ring, Beyonce is laughing and joking with her Destiny's Child mates, leaning out of the ring to show them how far into Jewel's belly her glove sank when she hit her.

Round 4 Jewel's surprisingly resiliant, standing and looking eager to fight after a hard-fought third round; but Knowles lets the blonde move in close and tries to work that gut again. But this time it's not working and Jewel continues to find Beyonce's head with the jab, using it to set up the hard right to Beyonce's chest and torso. Punishment starting to stagger the dancer as she gets backed into the ropes again, leaving Jewel plenty of time to work as Jewel really opens up. It's another punching war as Beyonce tries to beat back the blonde. It's a crowd pleasing slugfest that the Black beauty seems to be getting the best of as she hammer and tongs Jewel back to the middle of the ring. Jewel's midsection has really taken a beating these last two rounds and her pale flesh is flushed bright red, the fair skin showing every impact mark! Late in the round, Beyonce feints low and then jumps up, driving a hard right on the side of the blonde's face that knocks out her mouthpiece! But sturdy Jewel soaks up the blast and catches Knowles with another uppercut as she moves in to follow up. Beyonce's hurt and backing away as time runs down. Jewel is all over Beyonce, throwing wild bombs at her head and torso as she batters the young dancer in her corner. Knowles trying desperately to counter but Jewel is having her way and again the ref has to pull Jewel away. She struts to her corner, gloves raised. When Jewel drops on her stool, her bare butt cheeks hit the wooden stool with a loud THWAP!

Theron chimes in, "Jewel has taken control of the fight. She went toe to toe with Knowles and ate Beyonce's hardest punch! I think it unnerved Knowles when Jewel came back at her even harder..."

"Yeah , that's right Charlize!" the announcer chuckles. "I guess you showed Jewel that too, how to let the other girl hit you with her best punch. Is that what you have to do to win? Heehee!"

Round 5 Both women appear beaten and battered starting the fifth and they fall together to slug, shove and wrestle, but with neither landing many punches. The punches that do get past the others defenses do little damage and both appear too weak to throw with any strength. The first minute doesn't see much action and the fans, who to this point have been treated to a whale of a contest, turn on the fighters as soon as the action slows and a smattering of boos is heard for the first time. The fighters seem to respond to the stimulus and open up their attacks. First Jewel rattles Beyonce with a right high on the head, then Knowles drops a chopping left hook down into the waistband of Jewel's little thong! Ripples rumble through Jewel's pale midsection as her knees dip, but she catches Beyonce with a hard left across the breasts that brings a grimace on Beyonce's full lips. Neither backing up as they throw punches from every angle; more landing flush than not as neither seems to be moving as well as early in the fight. The attrition of the body attacks is starting to show and Beyonce is moving better than Jewel who appears to be cramping up late in the round. Then it happens! The woman clinch up high at the ropes and as the referee pulls them apart, Beyonce's laces catch in the tie at the back of Jewel's neck. As she pulls her hand away, Jewel's top comes untied and drops toward her waist! Jewel lets out a squeal as she catches her cups in both hands just as her breasts are about to be bared. Without missing a beat, Beyonce turns into a pretty right cross that catches ALL of Jewel's unprotected jaw. With a big head snap, Jewel's knees unhinge and she drops in slow motion to her knees, then topples backward; handing in a cloud of rosin dust. Her hands slip from her sweaty body and fall at her sides, pulling her top right along with them. As she lays flat on her back, Jewel's sweaty bare white breasts jiggle with each breath. The referee stands in mute, stunned silence staring down at the flawless breasts, then takes Beyonce by the arm and pulls her to the far corner. By the time the confusion in the ring is straightened out, the bell has rung to end the round and no one knows if Jewel could have beaten the count or not. As Beyonce jogs past Jewel's prostrate form to her corner, she kicks Jewel's top out under the bottom rope where her Destiny's Child partner Michelle catches it and stuffs it in her waistband as a trophy.

Sitting at ringside, Charlize Theron slumps with her head in her hands, slowly shaking it and muttering something unintelligible as her broadcast partner rambles and babbles on and on about what a great pair of "tits" Jewel has. Jewel's seconds drag her to her feet and pull her to the corner. Sitting her on the stool, Jewel's sweaty bottom slips off the stool and she drops to one knee, her topless torso draped sideways over the middle rope until they get her back upright. Smelling salts seem to revive the blonde but Jewel seems more concerned with finding her missing top than in listening to advice. Alas for poor Jewel, she won't see her top again for some time!

Round 6 Jewel's looking groggy and exhausted, but still determined as she comes out topless and tentatively for the sixth, unsure she's really recovered full from the late KD. She's got some blood leaking from her lower lip as she ambles away behind a 'don't hurt me' jab. Knowles coming on, snapping a crisp jab of her own, looking to see how much damage she really did in that last round, Charlize sitting beside the announcer is screaming at Jewel to 'get her' but Theron doesn't look very pleased at what she's seen. Jewel's legs look shot as she struggles just to keep her distance, but Beyonce easily cuts off the ring, working that gut every time she gets within reach. Jewel pushing her punches, then wrapping Beyonce up until the ref makes 'em break. Jewel with her back on the ropes after a break and .... WOW! Beyonce jumps on her and lands that huge right again...then three hard shots to the blondes gut ....down she goes again! Jewel sits straight down and leans back on her hands looking dazed as Beyonce is pulled away as she swings again, her glove sailing over Jewel's head. By eight, Jewel manages to get to her feet, holding the top rope to steady her, shaking her head that she's OK as the ref checks her. But when they continue, it's all Knowles! She hammers the barebreasted blonde into the corner and works her body with both hands. This time when the bell sounds, it's Beyonce Knowles who's strutting back to her corner with her arms raised as Jewel hangs on the ropes waiting for help to arrive. Now when Jewel's butt cheeks SLAP the wooden stool, she leans over clutching her belly as she slumps on her stool softly sobbing....

Charlize silently watches her blonde cohort taking a beating similar to ones she's taken herself and she grimaces when the announcer reminds her that the seventh was the round she said Jewel would win this in. She just glares at him; eyes smoldering and her lower lip quivering.

Round 7 Beyonce bouncing up and down on her toes, eager for the bell; stops, leans over the top rope and shakes a fist at Theron, screaming, "You're next sucka!!" Theron blushes deeply, but doesn't respond to the taunt. Jewel heaves herself to her feet, still panting hard, her bare breasts and torso covered with deep red welts, bruises and sporting an overall pink flush. Nevertheless, she raises her gloves and marches out with a punchers chance of landing the one punch that mayturn the fight around! Beyonce glides smoothly around Jewel's left shoulder, stops, stutter-steps and drives a hard left hook to the pit of the blondes belly. Jewel gags and spits out her mouthpiece as she pitches forward about to go down, But Beyonce catches Jewel under the arms from behind and straightens her back up, wrapping her right arm around over Jewel's breasts, Beyonce starts to pull and tug at the ties of the bottom of Jewel's thong. When the dazed, gasping blonde finally realizes what's happening, she starts to squirm and try to wriggle free. But it's not until Beyonce has released the ties that she lets Jewel go; and then only because Beyonce grabs her left boob and whirls her around to face her As she turns, Jewel feels her bottom slipping and instinctively reaches to grab it and save what little modesty she has left. But just then, Beyonce drives a right up into the blondes belly, gutting her like a fish! Jewel drops to her knees, losing her hold on the thong which lands SPLAT on the canvas when her knees hit the mat. She doubles over, arms wrapped around her belly, wheezing and gasping for air. The referee asks if she can go on and Jewel shakes her head, no, but he reminds her if she "quits" Beyonce gets to have her way with her. Pridefully, Jewel struggles to her feet; her pale, sweat-glistening body a magnificent under the harsh overhead lights. Her shoulders slumped in resignation, Jewel slowly raises her gloves as Beyonce moves in to finish her off. Jewel paws out her left but Beyonce simply slides to her right and drives her right under Jewel's left elbow. As the blonde cries out, her body tips to the right where Beyonce's incoming left hook is already in mid-air! Her glove crashes into the side of Jewel's jaw, slamming her down on her back with her arms flung out and her left leg folded under her. Beyonce walked to her corner where her seconds untied her gloves, then she began rummaging around in her gym bag for something she'd brought especially because she knew Charlize Theron would be at ringside and she wanted to send her a message. As Jewel struggled to one elbow, the bell rang ending the seventh round.

"Whew!!" Charlize sighed, slumping back in her seat, breathing rapidly... squinting; straining to see what Beyonce was up to in her corner; wanting to know what the Black dominatrix-wannabe had planned for poor Jewel who had barely moved from the spot where she hit the canvas. Charlize turned a whiter shade of pale as she watched Beyonce toss aside her gloves and wiggle out of her tight short-shorts and top, leaving her magnificent hardbody totally nude. Beyonce looked over with a malicious grin at Theron who sat frozen in her seat, watching in stunned horror as the dominate black girl pulled out a long, thick strap-on dildo, then walked back over to Jewel. She pulled Jewel to a sitting postion by the hair and slapped her until she was nearly fully awake!

"I want you to see this," Beyonce purred, shoving Jewel down on her back and straddling her.

Beyonce shook her 'bootylicious booty' as she slowly began to sit back. Jewel's eyes opened wide in terror as the delectible blackness descended. Jewel beat on Beyonce's thighs with her gloves, but it did little good as Beyonce made a 'booty call' on Jewel's flushed face. As Beyonce wiggled her butt and rotated her hips, Jewel weakly kicked her legs and pounded Beyonce's hips with her gloved hands. Beyonce looked over at Charlize as she rode Beyonce's face, bouncing lightly and toying with Jewel's breasts as she smothered her. Suddenly, Beyonce let out a howl and sprang to her feet, spun around and grabbed her butt cheeks with both hands as she glared down at Jewel.

"You bitch! You bit my booty! Beyonce screamed at the top of her lungs; while at ringside, Charlize almost fell out of her chair laughing.

Beyonce jerked the still-disoriented Jewel up by one arm and a hank of hair, swung her around and sent her reeling tits first into the ropes. When Jewel's bare boobs struck the vinyl clad steel cables, they molded themselves around the ropes which dug deep into her breasts, already sore and aching from the beating Beyonce had given them for seven rounds. Jewel's body was launched backward toward Beyonce who swung both arms around Jewel's head and clapped her in a sleeper hold. Locking it in tight, Beyonce hissed in the flush-faced blondes ear threats about all the wicked things she was going to do to her body once she was unconscious. But down at the PSFC TV desk, Charlize Theron had seen enough and she leaped out of her seat and scrambled up the corner steps onto the ring apron.

"Let her go bitch!" Charlize yelled. "It's not fair; she's still got her boxing gloves on and you're bare handed. She doesn't have a chance."

Beyonce turned Jewel around, straining to hold the rapidly fading blonde upright as she leered over Jewel's shoulder at the red-faced Theron. "You want to come in here an' take her place big girl? C'mon, I'll kick your ass too," she sneered, thinking Charlize was too smart - and too intimidated - to get in the ring during a match and bring down the full wrath of the Porn Star Club management on both she and her lover Sunny McKay. But Charlize swung one leg through the ropes and bowed her head, leaning into the ring. Just as her foot touched the canvas, her other leg was grabbed by Beyonce's friends Kelly and Michelle and she was dragged down off the ring apron, dropping to the cement floor with a THUD and to a large cheer from the predominantly black membership of the club who filled the nearby ringside seats. While Kelly and Michelle dragged the stunned blonde to her feet and began to pummel her with their fists, Beyonce dropped Jewel and sauntered over to lean on the top rope, watching her "girls" tear into the vulnerable blonde tooth and nail.

With Beyonce distracted by Charlize's destruction, Jewel was able to roll out the other side of the ring and crawl back to her corner where her seconds untied her gloves, gave her a whiff of ammonia and a cool towel to wipe the sweat from her eyes. It didn't take long for Kelly and Michelle working together to leave Charlize 'hors d'combat' but by the time Beyonce turned around to look for her, Jewel was feeling better than she had for several rounds. She slid back into the ring and stood, ready to resume the battle with the now also naked Beyonce whose eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed and her lips curled in a feral grin! She was going to enjoy subduing Jewel for the second time in one night!

Jewel raised her muscular arms, challenging Beyonce to a test of strength. Smiling, Beyonce nodded and stepped forward with her hands up, her weight forward on her left foot, the right back, ready to snap forward and drive her entire foot up into the stupid white bitches pussy. As their fingertips brushed together, Beyonce struck with lightening quickness, bringing her right foot up and slamming it into the... "AAAAhhhhhhh!" WHAM! Beyonce blinked as the arena whirled around and the ring came rushing up to smack her in the back; knocking the breath out of her so she couldn't even scream as Jewel wrenched the ankle she'd caught in midair two feet in front of her body, lifted headhigh and flipped the shocked Black girl off her feet!

Before Beyonce could catch her breath, Jewel had stepped over her leg and was twisting it in a step-over toe hold. Beyonce's fists beat and pounded the mat in pain, anger and frustration as Jewel wrenched her leg left and right, then left again; all the time muttering and cursing under her breath. Beyonce winced as Jewel worked on her ankle, knowing she had to do something fast or she could suffer a severe injury. She raised her free foot, worked it up under Jewel's jiggling butt and then gave a hard thrust. The kick did the trick, sending Jewel windmilling wildly across the ring into the side ropes. But this time Jewel had time to turn her body and she hit with her back and used the 'spring' to rebound back toward Beyonce who was just getting to her feet. Jewel raised her right arm and caught Beyonce right in the throat with a clothesline that flipped the surprised singer upside down as she somersaulted in mid air and then crashed to the mat headfirst!

As Beyonce's body lay rippling and rolling on the mat, Jewel kept running to the opposite ropes, rebounded again and started back toward Beyonce to drop on her. But as she came off the ropes, Michelle and Kelly grabbed her ankles and she crashed to the mat flat on her bare chest, her chin smacking the thin padding and almost knocking herself out. She rolled over moaning, her hands cupping her throbbing breasts as a couple of officials took charge of Kelly and Michelle and steered them away from the ring back toward Beyonce's locker room. They'd arrived several minutes too late to help Charlize Theron who now lay spreadeagled over the announcers table; her blouse and skirt ripped and torn, her lip and nose bleeding. And they got there just a few seconds too late to save poor Jewel who lay writhing on the mat semi-conscious. But they're arrival had come at almot the perfect time for Beyonce who slowly got to her knees and crawled over to where Jewel lay on her back. She rolled on top of Jewel, trapping her right arm between her legs and grabbing her left arm with her right hand as she lifted herself with her arms and dropped her firm breasts down over Jewel's flushed face.

"Say goodnight blondie," Beyonce chortled as she gathered a handful of Jewel's sweat-matted hair and forced her face into her cleavage, squeezing her breasts between her elbows; mushrooming the soft flesh onto Jewel's nose and mouth; cutting off oxygen to the dazed singer. Jewel's body bucked and jerked frantically as she struggled against the weight bearing down on her chest, her lungs burning; unable to get a breath of precious life-giving air.

Jewel knew there was only one way out of her predicament and, as much as it revulsed her, it was far, far perferable to the alternative. She squirmed and wriggled, slowly working her right hand up between Beyonce's thighs until she found what she sought. Using the tips of her middle three fingers, she spread Beyonce's labia and pushed her middle finger into the moist, tight cavern of love. Beyonce gave a start, then smiled as she felt Jewel's insistent, firm, demanding touch on her hard clitoris; the hard nub of engorged flesh aroused by the thrill of battle, the excitement of conquest. With a sigh, Beyonce lowered her hips; impaling herself on Jewel's thrusting digits, taking the satisfaction she'd earned with her sweat. Jewel thrust and pushed her finger with increasing urgency as the last of her oxygen was rapidly being used up. She felt Beyonce's body stiffen, her back arch; heard her gasp and that was the moment she struck back against her tormentor!

Jewel thrust upward, bucking her hips and pushing up on Beyonce's hips as she twisted her hips and swung her legs around with a rapid scissor kick. Taken off guard, the relaxed Beyonce was flipped over backward, her head hitting the mat with a THUD! She rolled over and as she sat up, Jewel swung her leg and kicked the Black singer square in the jaw. Beyonce's head snapped to one side, her eyes rolled back and she slumped over onto her side. Jewel, sucking great mouthfuls of air, flopped forward, landing on top of Beyonce, her legs straddling Beyonce's thigh. Slowly, agonizingly, Jewel crawled upward until her full, soft, white breasts were covering Beyonce's mocha visage. Pushing her hands under Beyonce's head, Jewel pulled the Black girl's head to her bosom, locking her arms behind Beyonce's head as her legs straddled Beyonce's waist.

Beyonce barely realized what was happening and she only made the slightest resistance before everything went black and she passed out. The referee walked over and helped Jewel to her feet, holding the swaying blonde by one elbow as she stood astride Beyonce's unconscious body. Raising her arm, the referee proclaimed Jewel, "The winnah!" As she left the ring, her pale body glistening with her perspiration, she walked past the prostrate figure of Charlize Theron, her arms and legs draped over both sides of the announcers table as her fellow broadcaster spoke in solomn tones into the microphone she had resting in the shallow valley between the inert blondes perky breasts. Jewel smiled, knowing Charlize had made her victory possible and hoping she would soon have the opportunity to return the "favor."

Final vote result: Jewel Kilcher-224; Beyonce Knowles-218