Actress Catfight: Jolene Blalock (Enterprise) vs. Jennifer Garner (Alias) by John J.

The executives at Showtime Productions heard that several new, up and coming, young actresses had exchanged some nasty words on several occasions. After further investigation, they discovered threats of physical fights and ‘kick her ass’ had been hurled by both parties in the fights.

Studio secretaries made numerous phone calls to the actresses and/or their agents, offering to allow the actress and her hated enemy to settle their differences on a Showtime Saturday night primetime fight special. While they denied it, everyone knew the idea had it’s genesis after Showtime suits saw the numbers Fox’s ‘Celebrity Boxing’ special drew. With phone calls made, it was a matter of waiting to get phone calls back to see who was angry enough to really fight it out.

The producers found one pair quickly as Jolene Blalock and Jennifer Garner returned calls within a few hours. Both lovely actresses conducted a short pre-fight interview with a Showtime reporter and then, between movies, Showtime showed snippets from each of the interviews.

One snippet featured Jolene saying, “Jennifer thinks just because she’s got a hit with her first series, she’s so damn hot! That redheaded bitch needs to be brought down a few pegs and I’m gonna love doing it!”

The other clip showed Jennifer, who said, “Jolene seems to think being on that lame new Star Trek series is some kind of guarantee to success. It might be - if you can act - but she can’t act worth shit! She needs to get a serious reality check. I’m going to have a lot of fun beating her ass!”

The anger and animosity between the actresses seemed to grow each day until by the night of the catfight arrived, both were ready to tear each other to ribbons. The guest announcer and referee, Playmate Karen McDougal, took her place in the middle of the ring.

Karen said, “Ladies and Gentleman, Welcome to a Special Edition of Showtime Saturday Night Fights. Normally, this show features a couple of ugly, sweaty heavyweights boxing or a no-holds-barred type martial arts fight. Tonight, however, we’ve got something different for you, actress catfights! Showtime television was surprised by the number of actresses who’ve grudges to settle. Some were even willing to settle their dispute right here in our ring, no-holds-barred, in a one hour time limit catfight!”

She continued, “The rules are minimal as the ladies do have grudges to settle. The first, no outside interference by anyone. These fights are one-on-one fights. The second rule is no foreign objects. The bikinis and high heels worn by the ladies are legal weapons during the fight, but those are the only legal objects! Outside of that, any hold, throw, punch or kick is allowed. Scratching, mauling, choking and biting are not only allowed, they’re encouraged!”

Then Karen motioned to one side of the arena and said, “Now, with no further delay, I want to introduce the first competitor. From the UPN series ‘Enterprise’ is Jolene Blalock!”

Jolene strutted out from behind the curtain as she heard her name called. She smiled, waved and laughed as she slowly made her way to the wrestling ring. Her nice boobs bounced and jiggled in a silver bikini top as she walked. Her ass wiggled and her hips gyrated as she took each step in her silver stiletto high heels. The tiny silver thong bottom barely covered her pussy, and offered practically no coverage at all for her ass. The ‘Enterprise’ star climbed the stars to the ring apron and seductively slid over the middle rope into the ring. She stretched and wiggled a bit more as she moved into her position in the corner of the ring.

Karen took a deep breath, then spoke into the microphone again, “The second competitor is from the ABC series ‘Alias.’ Let’s hear it for Jennifer Garner!”

Jennifer walked out from behind the curtain, just as seductive as her rival had minutes earlier. She strutted down the walkway as her fans hollered, whistled and cheered for the statuesque redhead. Jennifer’s fight outfit was identical to Jolene’s except the tiny triangle top, thong bottom and high heels were all bright red. The lovely redhead absorbed the cheers of the fans, while she waved, smiled and blew kisses back at them. Jennifer turned all business as she climbed the steel stairs that led to the wrestling ring. After one last wave to her fans, she slid her body between the ropes and entered the ring.

As Jennifer slid between the ropes, Jolene charged at her from across the ring. Jennifer was caught completely off guard as Jolene’s knee whacked into her face, snapping her head back when it connected. She staggered back but with very little space on the ring apron, Jennifer wobbled off the ring apron and landed in a heap on the concrete floor. Jolene quickly slid out of the ring and jumped down to continue her sneak attack. Referee Karen McDougal wasn’t sure what she should, or even could, do at that point. Though she didn’t like it, Jolene’s actions weren’t illegal so she signaled for the bell to start the fight.


Jolene grabbed a handful of red hair and yanked Jennifer to her feet roughly. With a solid hold on her rival’s hair, Jolene slammed Jennifer’s head down on the ring apron twice, then took a secure grip on Jennifer’s arm. Jolene anchored herself and whipped the redhead toward the steel ring post. Jennifer slammed into the steel post and groaned in pain. Jolene set herself and charged in at top speed to splash the dazed redhead but, at the last instant, Jennifer dropped and rolled to the side. Jolene had a look of shock on her face in the instant before she plowed into the steel post.

Jennifer was still sore and a bit winded from Jolene’s sneak attack, but knew that she had a chance to go on the attack now and do some damage of her own. The redhead pulled herself up to her feet, set herself and raised her fists. She hammered her fists into Jolene’s lower back repeatedly and the blonde moaned in pain as the blows battered her back and kidneys. As Jennifer got set for another volley, Jolene lashed out with her leg. A yelp from Jennifer told Jolene her wild kick had hit something.

Jolene whirled around to see Jennifer laying on the concrete rubbing her knee. She wasted no time as she went right on the attack. Jolene pulled Jennifer to her feet by the hair and clamped on a side headlock, then ran forward and threw her legs up so she dropped on her ass. The bulldog move worked perfectly and Jennifer’s face slammed into the concrete floor. Jennifer groaned in pain as she writhed around, holding her head and seeing stars. Jolene continued her attack, again pulling her rival up by the hair. Jolene grabbed Jennifer’s arm and started to whip the redhead into the steel stairs. Just as Jolene was about to throw her into the metal stairs, Jennifer suddenly reversed the whip and instead it was Jolene who found herself whipped against the stairs. Jolene groaned as her body arched back over the hard metal with a loud thud!

Jennifer attacked viciously, grabbing Jolene’s hair and whacking the blonde’s head into the steel stairs two times. The redhead grabbed the dazed blonde and rolled her limp body under the ropes back into the ring. Jennifer followed and as soon as she was in the ring, grabbed some hair and pulled Jolene to her feet. Jennifer whipped Jolene off the ropes and she rebounded, put her down hard with a clothesline.

Jennifer continued her attack with a solid elbow drop to Jolene’s boobs. Still on the floor next to Jolene, Jennifer rolled over and straddled the blonde’s midriff. The redhead dug her fingers into Jolene’s neck and squeezed! Jolene gasped as Jennifer started to choke her out. As Jolene squirmed and struggled beneath her, Jennifer shifted position slightly, bearing down with more of her weight on Jolene’s neck and securing the choke.

Suddenly, there was a commotion as someone caused a disturbance in the audience! Karen McDougal’s attention veered away from the fight as she turned with everyone else to see what was happening. At just that moment, Jeri Ryan slid under the ropes from the opposite side and kicked Jennifer in the back of the head. Jennifer tumbled off of Jolene and as she struggled to clear her head, Jeri slapped Jolene a few times to revive her, then slid out under the ropes again, the entire episode took only seconds and went completely undetected by novice referee McDougal.

Jolene pulled herself to her feet and gulped down a few quick lungsful of air as she made her way over to Jennifer. She pulled the redhead into a combination body scissors/chokehold, securing her forearm across Jennifer’s throat and digging in hard, cutting off the redhead’s air. At the same time, Jolene wrapped her long legs around Jennifer’s waist and began to crush her midriff.

Jennifer yelped as the double holds trapped her. She’d been dazed by Jeri Ryan’s interference, but she wasn’t hurt - not much anyway. She tried to muscle her way out of Jolene’s hold, but the blonde had the holds locked tight. So instead of futile resistance, Jennifer sunk her nails into Jolene’s forearm and raked them down. Jolene screamed when Jennifer’s nails left parallel bloody welts down her forearm. She immediately released the holds and rolled away from Jennifer’s claws.

Jennifer angrily lunged at her rival while she was rolling away. The redhead landed on the blonde with her knee slamming heavily into Jolene’s pussy. The blonde yelped in pain as the knee struck home. Jennifer got up and nailed Jolene with a hard elbow drop to her already sore boobs. Then Jennifer got up, bounced off the ropes and jumped in the air! She came down with her powerful thigh across Jolene’s throat. Jolene’s body jerked and her legs flew up as Jennifer’s leg crushed her windpipe.

The redhead continued her attack, hauling Jolene up by the hair, then she whipped her into the ropes. The blonde went down hard after a solid clothesline and then to make things even worse, Jennifer stomped several times on Jolene’s firm boobs with her high heels then she put another elbow drop to the blonde’s throbbing melons. Sobbing in pain, Jolene rolled over onto her stomach to protect her tender tits from further abuse.

Jennifer grabbed the spaghetti strings at the back of Jolene’s bikini top and yanked up. As she pulled, the strings dug into Jolene’s already sore tits, causing her even more pain and damage. The redhead continued to yank upward, digging the strings in deeper, more interested in causing Jolene pain than pulling her to her feet. After several minutes of abuse, the bikini top snapped and broke apart in Jennifer’s hand. Jolene flopped down to the ring, landing on her tits in agony!

As Jennifer came after her again, Jolene countered and clipped the redhead’s legs out from under her. Jolene wasted no time as she quickly hauled Jennifer to her feet by the hair and clamped on a reverse headlock. Jolene put the redhead down with a nasty bulldog, then climbed the ropes to the top turnbuckle as Jennifer lay groaning after her face was smashed into the canvas.

Jolene set herself but as she turned back toward Jennifer, the redhead was right there beside her. Jolene had a scared look on her face as Jennifer yanked on the ropes. Jolene yelped as she lost her footing and dropped straight down - her legs straddling the top turnbuckle. Jennifer climbed the ropes beside Jolene and set her up for a suplex.

Before Jennifer could complete her move, Jeri Ryan appeared in the corner and the interfering blonde raked her fingernails across Jennifer’s eyes. Jennifer screeched in pain and flopped down off the ropes, blinded by Jeri’s face rake. This time Karen McDougal saw what happened and screamed at Jeri to get away.

“Keep out of the fight or Jolene gets disqualified and Jennifer gets a win.”

Jeri helped Jolene down off the ropes, then moved closer to Karen to argue with her.

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” Jeri insisted. “I’m just here to give my friend some moral support.”

Karen gave her ‘that look’ as she sneered, “I’m not stupid, I know what I saw. You keep out of the fight. I mean it, or you’re not only gonna get Jolene disqualified, but you’ll have to fight me too!”

Jeri mouthed back, “Fuck you!” as she helped Jolene to her feet.

Ryan slid out of the ring under the bottom rope but she didn’t go far. She stayed right at ringside and watched as Jolene went on the attack. Jolene was walking carefully, her crotch throbbing and Jennifer was in pain too, but not as much.

As Jolene grabbed her hair, Jennifer slammed her fist into the blonde’s midriff. Jolene gasped, shocked by the power of the redhead’s counterattack. The blonde wheezed as air rushed out of her lungs. Jennifer continued her comeback with a big bodyslam. Jolene landed with a groan; her boobs jiggled as she hit. Jennifer roughly squeezed Jolene’s medium sized melons hard, ripping off her top. Jennifer pulled and squeezed Jolene’s erect nipples, forcing the blonde to her feet as she yanked upward on her sore nipples.

Once Jolene was on her feet, Jennifer wrapped her arms around the blonde’s body and locked in a bearhug with Jolene’s arms secured as well. Jennifer squeezed hard with her arms, crushing Jolene’s ribs as she grunted with each squeeze. Jennifer maintained the bearhug for quite a long time and Jolene’s cries of pain and even her breaths grew shallower as Jennifer kept up the pressure on her ribs. Feeling Jolene was about done for, Jennifer lifted Jolene off the canvas in the bearhug, planted her knee and dropped Jolene down onto her knee.

When Jolene’s pussy slammed into Jennifer’s planted knee she cried out in pain and sobbed as she toppled over onto the canvas where she lay gasping for air and holding her aching pussy. Jolene just sobbed and made no move to get up.

Karen McDougal moved in to start the count out, “1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8...”

Seeing her friend and Star Trek star Jolene wasn’t getting up, Jeri climbed back into the ring and charged Jennifer. Karen stopped her count to intercept Jeri.

Karen pointed at Jeri and told her, “I told you before. Get out of the ring. Keep out of the fight. You’re not getting another warning or Jolene loses this fight. I’m serious!”

Jeri argued, “Back off bitch! I’m not doing anything but checkin’ on my friend.”

By this time, Jolene had finally started to pull herself together - well past what would have been a 20 count, let alone a ten! Seeing Jolene was recovering, Jeri made a big show of obeyed Karen’s orders and left the ring, but not before Jolene had gotten to her feet. Jolene was up on her feet alright, but the blonde was definitely still dazed and tired. Jennifer charged in and slammed Jolene down hard on her back with a running clothesline. Jennifer’s momentum carried her into the far ropes where she bounced off and as she came back, jumped in the air and pounded Jolene with a HUGE leg drop to her sore boobs.

Jennifer quickly got back to her feet and hauled Jolene up. She whipped her against the far ropes and as Jolene’s body bounced off the taut ropes out of control, Jennifer set herself. She hit Jolene with a dropkick square in her big tits and the battered blonde hit the canvas like a ton of bricks!

Jennifer stood up and moved away from Jolene’s unmoving body as Karen moved in to start her count, “1... 2... 3... 4... 5...

But Karen never got to six! Jeri Ryan crept into the ring with a folding chair and smacked Karen across the back of the head. The muscular referee went down in a heap like she’d been shot!

Jennifer gasped in shock and moved out of the corner to help the stricken referee, but Jeri swung the chair at Jennifer next. The redhead dodged out of the way at the last moment, but Jeri followed through and caught Jennifer by the hair and pulled her back to her feet. The two beauties locked up, but Jeri won out as she put the redhead down with a quick body slam. Jeri pulled Jennifer up again, only to slam her back down yet again, this time with a bulldog!

Jennifer was reeling and staggering, barely able to stay on her feet when Jeri whipped her off the ropes as she set herself for a clothesline! But Jennifer ducked under Jeri’s arm, bounced off the opposite ropes and, as Jeri turned around, nailed the big ‘Star Trek Voyager’ star with a clothesline of her own!

Jennifer grabbed Jeri by the hair and jerked her up into a standing head scissors. Jennifer set herself and planted Jeri hard with a piledriver. Jennifer stood up over Jeri’s body feeling so very proud of herself the redhead never saw that Jolene had pulled herself to her feet and retrieved Jeri’s chair. She cracked Jennifer across the back of the head with the folding chair and the redhead crumpled to the canvas face down.

Karen had started to pull herself up when Jolene ran over and whacked her with the chair again to keep her out of the action for a little while longer.

With everyone else down, Jolene strutted over to Jennifer, pulled the redhead up by the hair and whacked her head against the top turnbuckle a few times. When she turned around, Jeri had also gotten to her feet and she went over to help Jolene. Together, they whipped Jennifer to the far ropes and as she bounced off, they upended her with a double clothesline. Just for good measure, Jeri pulled Jennifer up and whipped her again. The pair set themselves again, and as Jennifer came off the ropes, they ducked their heads and tossed her up and over the top rope.

Jennifer crashed head-first onto the concrete floor outside the ring and lay without moving. Jeri checked to make sure Karen was still out - which she was. Then the evil pair followed Jennifer down to the floor. Jolene pulled a large table into position while Jeri picked Jennifer up. Jeri slammed Jennifer down on her back on the table while Jolene climbed up to the top corner of the ring as the crowd screamed in protest!

Jolene set herself and then launched her tight body off the top rope. She splashed down on top of Jennifer and the impact broke the table in two, sending both herself and Jennifer to the floor!

Jeri checked and saw some movement from Karen so she left ringside before Karen spotted her. Jennifer was nearly out cold and no match for Jolene as long as Jolene didn’t waste time and give her a chance to recover. Jolene pulled Jennifer up by the hair and slammed her back against the ring apron, then moved in and grabbed a fistful of red hair. Jolene smashed Jennifer’s face several times against the apron then rolled Jennifer back into the ring and followed behind her.

The redhead was dazed and almost out cold and Jolene knew that she didn’t have a lot of time to put this fight away, before Jennifer would be able to fight again. She moved into position and schoolgirl pinned Jennifer, bouncing repeatedly on the redhead’s tits as she wrapped her long, slender fingers around her throat and began to choke her out.

Jennifer just moaned in pain and didn’t offer much resistance so Jolene changed tactics and converted the schoolgirl pin to a reverse facesit. She planted her gorgeous ass on Jennifer’s face and ground her butt on Jennifer’s face while she ripped off the redhead’s bikini top, then pinched and squeezed her nipples. Jolene sank her sharp nails into Jennifer’s ripe, round, melons and mauled them as she rode her face. After over two minutes of grinding her ass into Jennifer’s face, Karen pulled Jolene off, checked Jennifer and saw she wasn’t moving. She was out cold!

Karen didn’t like it, but she started her official count on Jennifer, “1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10! You’re OUT!”

That put an official end to the fight and Karen raised Jolene’s arm as she announced to a chorus of boo’s, “The winner of this TV actress catfight is JOLENE BLALOCK!”

Jolene smiled and strutted around as she relished in her victory. Karen just glared at her, then she helped Jennifer to her feet and supported her as Jennifer staggered back to her dressing room. Jeri Ryan came into the ring to congratulate her fellow Star Trek actress on the win. Karen just stood at the top of the arena and glared at both of them. Neither blonde cared what they thought as they both enjoyed Jolene’s ‘victory.’
Final fan vote: Blalock-770; Garner-350

To Jeri Ryan vs. Jill Hennessy