Konnie Huq vs. Edith Bowman by Harry

[AUTHORS NOTE: This is a battle between British TV Stars - Edith Bowman late of MTV and C4 and Konnie Huq]
The Glastonbury music festival held in Somerset, England attracts large media coverage on TV and Radio for the wide and eclectic range of top artistes performing. The bulk of this is provided by the BBC who devote many hours on TV, both satellite and terrestrial of coverage (which some would argue would be better filled with sport) and almost completely fills the schedule of 2 national radio stations. Leading the TV coverage is Edith Bowman, the ex MTV VJ, TV presenter, Club DJ and sometime BBC Radio DJ. The brunette is in her mid 20’s came to fame on MTV, most notably with her show with Cat Deeley. Since that partnership split up (less than amicably) her career has been reduced to local radio shows and obscure TV program, such as failed breakfast TV. Glastonbury 04 is a chance for Edith to show skills her mettle as a presenter and interviewer of the stars.

Leading another BBC team is the Asian TV presenter Konnie Huq, with the coverage on satellite channels and the numerous highlights. Konnie dislikes Edith for pushing ahead of her, a full time BBC employee and as a friend of her despised rival Cat Deeley. The feeling is entirely mutual from Edith who sees Konnie as a talent less copycat of her style. Tension begins on the set up day with mild sniping and bitching, largely ignored by busy crew staff. Things deteriorate on the Friday when both women arrive in similar outfits, designer trainers, green combat jeans and vest tops (pink for Edith and blue for Konnie, allowing a generous view of their cleavages) intent on throwing their weight around. This time, producers and senior management noticed the insults and general hissy fits so that the two were separated to different production areas to carry out their jobs. But at every juncture where the two women come into close proximity the war of words is resumed. Edith spends the early evening doing her live broadcast in the outside broadcast unit while Konnie is acting as a roving reporter.

At 7pm they get to break before returning later on the evening for more live feeds. Tired, sweaty and irritable from a hectic day under production lights Edith traipses to her caravan intent on a shower, a nap and a change of clothes. The early evening sun, coupled with the shadows in the large media compounds hasn’t dried out the ground and the grass is still wet to the touch. Edith walks round a corner and sees and equally frazzled looking Konnie walking towards her. The path between two trailers is narrow and inevitably neither will give way so that as they pass they collide shoulder to shoulder.

“Ignorant bitch!” snarls Konnie recoiling from the shove.

“Fuck off slag!” snaps back Edith lashing out and giving Konnie a push with her hands.

They both know where this is going to lead and with a low shriek Konnie leaps onto Edith sinking her hands into her brown hair. Now Edith steps back but soon sinks her hands into Konnie’s raven black hair yanking and tugging it, as the two women push back and forth, bouncing off the sides of the trailers on either side. Their feet struggle to grip on the well trodden but still greasy grass and mud beneath them. As they start kicking out at each other’s legs with their now wet designer trainers it is only their painful hold on one another’s hair that keeps them upright. Although no real damage is caused by these kicks, this is the first real catfight Edith has been in since she had to earn her position as a VJ against a crowd of rivals, and she is relearning all that she had forgotten about such confrontations. The rage and hatred of her opponent building inside of her she lets got of Konnie’s hair long enough to deliver a stinging slap across the face, leaving a distinct red mark.

Konnie’s catfighting experience is more recent, but she has yet to truly establish herself. Her skin still burning, she drops one of her own hand and effectively punches Edith’s backside. The grabs a handful of the ex-VJ’s designer combat jeans and pulls her legs towards her so that she painfully force her knee into Edith’s thigh. She screeches with anguish and pain, fortunately lost in the ambient noise of performances, and quickly recalling old skills lets rip with a torrent of choice abuse and sexual slurs, dragging the Asian woman’s head back hard by her hair before clamping her right hand her opponents breast, protected only by the thin, damp material of her vest top. Edith then proceeds to twist, squeeze and press against the orbs of soft, sweaty flesh encased in bra and blue cotton.

Konnie gasps and groans, but seeing Edith’s malevolently grinning face spurs her on and she also moves a hand to take grip on the ex MTV stars left breast. As Edith comes to terms with this new sensation, Konnie pushes herself away from a trailer across the path into her opponent, forcing her backwards so that Edith is now forced against a trailer. Edith lets out loud “Oh shit!” as her breast is pushed back into her ribcage. She responds by pulling harder on Konnie’s hair and squeezing harder in an effort to break free. Konnie is having none of this and now uses her hold on Edith’s hair to force and press her face against the side of the trailer.

As Edith struggles to push away from this hold and break free she lashes out with her muddy designer hi-top trainers, catching Konnie painfully on the lower legs, and is rewarded with some low shrieks of pain. Konnie tried to retaliate with kicks of her own, but was not satisfied with the results, despite the dirty streaks on Edith’s combat trousers. Instead she grabs the Scottish woman by her arms and tops, spins and propels across the gap in a diagonal. Her aim of giving Edith a face first introduction to the side of an outside broadcast trailer fails, but instead bounces off of said vehicle, and being slightly disorientated, stumbles face forward onto the wet grass. As the wetness seeps through her top, to the accompaniment of Konnie’s laughter Edith struggles to get up, but Konnie is on her and astride her back in a flash. Initially she has both hands in Edith’s hair pulling hard, especially when she takes a firm hold of her fringe. Edith meanwhile is bucking and struggling to get up and get her opponent off of her.

“Give up bitch!” snarls Konnie, half hoping Edith won’t as she is enjoying the position of dominance.

This gloating only serves to motivate the ex MTV VJ more and she increases her struggles, pushing herself up from the wet grass. Konnie starts to slide off of her opponent, letting go of Edith’s hair to try and steady herself, unintentionally managing to trap the Scottish woman between her legs, squeezing her midriff. Edith squealed and groans at this pressure, but is able to turn her attention again to her opponent. She reaches out for Konnie’s top and breasts, causing her to try and lean back out of range but failing to stop Edith grabbing a fistful of damp blue top and pulling, stretching the thin material until it starts to rip, revealing a toned midriff and part of Konnie’s light blue bra. Konnie squeals with rage and applies extra pressure through her legs on Edith, and having the satisfaction of a pain scream from her opponent. Edith gasps and lets forth a string of obscenity and abuse, discarding the handful of material and drives both hands hard into Konnie’s crotch. The Asian’s woman’s cry of pain soon turns to one of fright as she sees Edith clawing open her combat jeans, her intent clear. As she leans forward to try and protect herself, Edith takes a moments respite to punch the Asian presenter several times in the stomach, forcing her back, before resuming the task of opening up the designer combats. In desperation, Konnie breaks her scissors and drives her right, upper, foot into Edith’s torso, frantically trying to force her away.

The brunette groaned and rolled away from her rival broadcaster, clutching herself, trying to catch her breath. Konnie lay on the grass for a moment also catching her breath, feeling the wetness on her skin, before starting to do up her jeans. She saw to late Edith diving towards her, hands outstretched for her hair. Their two bodies slapped together, almost from head to toe and Konnie was momentarily winded as Edith landed on her, sinking her fingers into raven black hair pulling and shaking the other woman’s head about. Konnie responded in kind pulling furiously at the brunette’s hair as their wet bodies ground together, legs and feet kicking and thrashing insults flying back and forth. They start rolling about on the damp grass, each struggling to be on top, but spending no more than a dozen seconds in that position. Konnie aware that her jeans were sliding down slightly and seething at the ripping of her top grabs a handful of Edith’s top from her back and pulls. Again thin material is pulled hard against skin, stretching and straining, before starting to rip away.

“Bitch!” shrieked Edith as she felt her top ripped off and diverted one of her hands to try and remove what was left of Konnie’s top.

Konnie used the tattered item of clothing in her hand to slap and whip at Edith, but once the Scottish woman rolls them over so she is now on top she discards the item. Instead she grabbed the back strap of Edith’s bra, pulling it taut before letting it snap back painfully. Edith shrieked again and dragged Konnie’s head back through the grass by her hair, stretching the Asian woman’s neck painfully. As their legs thrashed and kicked they tried to loosen and force off one another’s designer trainers.

It’s then Konnie’s turn to let out a loud shriek, in time with a surge in the music to drown it out, as Edith (demonstrating her street fighting skills from her upbringing in Glasgow), pulled down the Asian woman’s blue bra and grabbed hold of her full breast. Konnie arches her back, forcing her body into Edith’s, in response to the sudden pain, which only got worse when Edith pinched and twisted a large, erect, brown nipple. Amidst a torrent of abuse and groans of pain, Konnie’s arms flail and thrash about, until she caught hold of a dirty, discarded top. Instinctively she grabbed it in her fist and brings it up and into Edith’s face.

Purely unintentionally, she lands quite a telling blow, but is more intent on forcing the top into the Scots woman’s mouth. No matter how much the Edith moves her head about to try and dodge this attack, her mouth and nose are covered and she starts to struggle for breath. Letting go of Konnie’s breast Edith now uses both hand to try and defend herself, only for her Asian rival to land a painful punch in her exposed midriff and then, muscles and sinew straining, pushes her off across the grass. Konnie pauses a moment to catch her breathe and push off her trainers.

Edith has, meantime, managed to get up onto all fours coughing and spluttering slightly, her combats having slid down sufficiently to offer any watcher a full view of the top of her thong. She doesn’t see Konnie get up onto her knees and lean forward. It is only when the ex-MTV VJ feels herself being yanked backwards by the waistband of her combats that she realizes what her hated rival is up to. Konnie’s give several sharp yanks on Edith’s trousers, accompanied by the sound of ripping material and the crude suggestion that Edith shouldn’t try and get away.

In the subtle language of her homeland, Edith’s response is that Konnie can, “Piss right off!” accompanied by the trainer on her right foot being planted somewhere just below the waistband of the Asian woman’s own combat trousers.

The laws of physics being what they are, Konnie fell backwards clutching herself and Edith flew forward landing on her stomach, both of them grunting loudly and they hit the wet grass. There was a moment’s pause for both women to compose themselves, before getting up to resume their fight, bodies red, marked and sweaty. Edith discarded her trainers and faced Konnie, both of them on their knees, lashing out with their hands, breasts heaving as they breathed heavily.

Almost simultaneously they lunged forward sinking their hands into the others already tangled and matted hair, pulling and yanking. For almost a minute they swayed back and forth, constantly adjusting their grip to gain maximum leverage, grunting and hissing insults, the pair of them long having cared whether they were caught. Edith surprised Konnie, by suddenly letting go of her hair and instead placed both hands on the waistband of her combat trousers and pulled them up with all her strength, driving the seam of her trousers and her thong knickers painfully into her crotch. Konnie let out a squeal of surprise and pain as the cloth painfully bit into her womanhood. And the more she struggled to break free the greater the burning pain. With a strength born of fury, Konnie sunk her hands as deep as she could into the Scots woman’s hair and snapped her head back hard. Edith screamed loudly and fell back, letting slip her grip on Konnie’s trousers to try and protect herself. This didn’t stop Konnie falling forward on top of her so that their ample breasts were pressed together and 2 pairs of stiff nipples stabbed into sensitive flesh.

“Get off me you fat slag!” shrieked Edith as she slapped and clawed at Konnie’s head and body.

Konnie retaliated by pressing down as hard as she could on her rival, pinning her in the wet grass; limiting her freedom to fight back. Edith felt the air slowly being forced from her, no matter how deeply she breathed, and the more she struggled to be free the worse things got and the more tired she became. In turn her attacks became more desperate and intense, raking her short nails across Konnie’s shoulder blades and then cheek. Konnie pushed herself up, giving Edith an all to brief sense of relief, before moving forward and lowering her breasts on her face. There was a wet slap and then everything went dark for Edith, as her senses were overwhelmed. She tried to break free, but Konnie held her on the floor by her hair, at the same time pressing and rubbing her ample breasts across and into Edith’s face. In less than a minute Edith’s struggles had subsided into limp acceptance of her defeat, and she just lay there.

Konnie was jubilant in her victory, and stayed sat astride Edith for several minutes, before it dawned on her she was half naked in the middle of a music festival attended by over 150,000 people. She quickly scooped up her clothes, as well as some of Edith’s clothes and scuttled off to her caravan. She would have disappointed had she realized that Edith to realized her position and was off to her caravan as soon as the victorious Konnie was out of sight. Ultimately only the two of them knew they’d been in a catfight and it didn’t stop Edith being offered a prime time national DJ slot; but Konnie knew which of them had won!