When Diva’s Collide: Toni Braxton+Shania Twain vs.Brandi Norwood+Faith Hill by jermaine

One day, while she was using a search engine to find web sites under the heading ‘FAITH HILL’ the slender blonde country diva happened across Kim and Ginny’s Celebrity Tournament Site where she read a demeaning saga called “Clyde’s Women of Country Music Tournament.”

Tears of rage welled in her pretty eyes as she then searched the other stories in their archives and those on the Vote Page where she found one tale after another in which she was invariably portrayed as a weak, worthless victim - and often the harmless plaything of the woman, or women, she faced. She’d read and seen enough!

Stung by the implied criticism of her, Faith dedicated herself then and there to getting tougher, stronger and meaner. That night, Tim noticed a fire in her eyes that he had never seen before as his wife stripped him naked and pounced on him like a leopard on the prowl. He had to admit it, he liked this fiery new Faith just fine, thank you very much!

The next day, Faith played hostess to singer Brandy Norwood who was in Jackson, Mississippi visiting family. Faith met Brandy at the door and proudly showed her around their new home. As they entered a state-of-the-art media room, Faith and Brandy looked up at the big screen projection TV which Tim kept permanently tuned to ‘Entertainment Tonight’ and saw the smug faces of Toni Braxton and Shania Twain rehearsing for the next VH1 divas special.

Brandy focused on Toni’s image on the big screen as she muttered, “Faith my friend, my lifelong ambition has been to kick that bitch’s fat ass. All T&A and no talent - that’s Toni.”

Suddenly, Faith’s mind flashed back to the dozens of stories she had read on so many celebrity fight web sites in which Shania always mercilessly ravaged her.

“Yeah sister,” Faith chirped. “I’ve got some issues with that hot little Canadian songbird too.”

“Well, then,” Brandy said as she slipped an arm around Faith’s slim waist and gave her a hug. “I’m headed back to Hollywood tomorrow. Why don’t you come along and we’ll see what we can do about it?”

Faith quickly accepted the offer knowing the next Divas special was just a week away. She wondered how tough and mean she could get in just one week but as she stared at the close-up of Shania, smirking and fluttering her eyelashes at the end of the ET ‘exclusive’, she suddenly knew a week would be plenty of time.

On the long flight from Jackson to LA, Faith and Brandy realized how much they had in common. By the time the plane touched down in California the two women were well on their way to being best friends. In the back of Brandy’s limo on the way to Brandy’s house, they discussed an idea for a TV special. The women would do duets and comedy sketches together, and invite classic artists from their genres. Brande, for example, wanted Aretha to appear while Faith liked the idea of having Loretta Lynn. The profits would benefit the Faith Hill Family Literacy Project, one which Brandy enthusiastically supported because of its efforts to improve educational standards - specifically for Black children in Mississippi. Brandy and Faith made just one phone call, to Cover Girl Cosmetics for whom they both worked, and just like that, they had a sponsor!

The girls planned to start filming later that week right after Aretha and Loretta agreed to appear. Everything was set and Brandy’s publicist leaked the information to the entertainment press immediately to get a little ‘buzz’ going. Across town, MTV’s latest ‘Divas’ special was in full swing. Performing were Toni Braxton and Shania Twain - who had bonded into quite a formidable duo - as well as the timeless diva Cher and Aussie hottie Kylie Minogue.

Toni and Shania were having a leisurely poolside breakfast when Toni noticed an article of interest and held the paper up to Shania, “Well, what do you know? Look who’s in town, bony Brandy and her new gal pal - the anorexic Faith Hill.”

“You’re shitin’ me, girl!” Shania laughed. The Beanpole from Hell? That’s too, too rich,” Shania sneered.

“Yea,” Toni grinned. “Says here they’re making a TV special next weekend. We’ll be finished with our gig then, wanna hang around a few days an’ give ‘em a little visit?”

“Right you are!” Shania replied, re-crossing her bare, shapely legs for emphasis.


For the final shooting of the ‘Divas’ special, the divas wore their most daring and baring outfits. The sight of Cher, Kylie, Shania and Toni in the skimpiest and sexiest outfits allowed on TV was impressive and MTV knew they had a winner. Each of the women was also in top form as a singer, too. After the shooting, Cher and Kylie changed into more conservative ‘street wear’ as they prepared to go home but Toni and Shania stayed in their stage outfits. After checking their watches, they prepared to head over to the sound stage where the Norwood/Hill special was being filmed.

Toni’s ‘dress’ was a dead ringer for the she’d received such notoriety for wearing at the 2001 Grammies - a few cloth strips providing the absolute minimum coverage of her delectable private parts. Her awesome thighs were exposed, as were at least 75% of her breasts. Shania’s skin tight outfit might be best described as ‘early Catwoman’ - a skimpy dark purple leather vest barely covered her bounteous breasts and the matching leather hip huggers appeared to have been painted onto her shapely legs. Both woman had chosen makeup and hair styles more often associated with Vegas hookers than MTV divas.

The large back seat of Toni’s limo was barely big enough to hold the two diabolical divas plus their inflated egos. Within a few minutes, the chauffeur opened the limo door at their destination and Toni and Shania slithered out arm in arm as they headed through the front door into the recording studio Brandy had rented. On stage, Faith and Brandy were rehearsing some country tunes wearing matching outfits - simple white T-shirts and stone washed denim overalls tapered to emphasize their shapely feminine forms, but still overalls. Quietly, Toni and Shania sneaked into a small seating gallery and took a seat in the darkness. In a few minutes, they’d wreak havoc on the project that Brandy and Faith were so proud of.

While the week Faith spent with Brady had been a period of immense personal growth, she was still strangely attracted to the accounts in Clyde’s ‘Woman of Country Music Tournament.’ Again and again, she logged on to read about herself in stories that painted a harsh image of her for Clyde’s version of Faith was a sissy, a gullible fool, a weak, uncoordinated mega-victim, a disrespected plaything for virtually the entire country music crowd. But with each reading, her shock and distress receded to be replaced by a spirit of anger and resolve to prove him wrong. Indeed, Faith was drawing strength from Clyde’s stories.

She spent hours each day with Brandy’s personal trainer, learning karate and kick boxing. Her training, and Brandy’s non-stop encouragement, did wonders for Faith’s fragile self-confidence. By the weekend, she felt like a new woman - a 180 degree change from the clueless beanpole portrayed in Clyde’s stories.

The night before, Faith had been so energized she had trouble sleeping. After calling husband Tim and telling him about the plans for the special, she turned on the TV, absent-mindedly surfing channels until she hit on the Cartoon Channel. It was Popeye Hour and Popeye was one of Faith’s favorites. After a commercial break, a black and white Popeye Classic began, entitled ‘Never Kick a Woman.’

As Faith watched in fascination, the story unfolded of a struggle for Popeye’s affections between string bean Olive and a statuesque Mae West like character. In the first fight between them, Olive took a frightful beating - with each punch, her hairstyle changed. Finally, the villainess left her a beaten wreck to continue her hot pursuit of Popeye. Finally, of course, Olive Oyl - driven by jealousy and true love - wolfed down a can of spinach and beat the snot out of her voluptuous rival. THE END.

Within seconds, a smiling Faith was sound asleep on her soft pillow, dreaming of her own version of ‘Never Kick a Woman’. In Faith’s dream, she was a weak and whimpering Olive Oyl - the character assigned her in Clyde’s tournament - trying desperately to keep Tim McGraw from the clutches of a conniving Shania Twain. However, just as she was eating her spinach, Faith awoke and the dream was over. Her subconscious mind wasn’t ready to show her the images of Faith/Olive’s final victory. The next morning, at breakfast, Brandy noticed a sparkle in Faith’s eye that was new.

“What’s up with you, Girlfriend? Look like you’re ready to climb Mount Everest,” Brandy chuckled.

“Yea, maybe,” Faith replied. “One thing for sure, I’ve got my first ‘spoiled Diva’ demand. Today for lunch, I insist we both have big spinach salads.”

Brandy laughed, “Of course! Why not?”


But Toni and Shania had made a big miscalculation; they’d chosen to attack in mid-afternoon when Faith and Brandy’s stomachs were digesting their big spinach salads. The skankily dressed MTV divas rudely stepped onto the stage, disrupting the rehearsal and as the music abruptly stopped, Shania and Toni assumed the ‘Alpha female’ attitudes they were certain would reduce Faith and Brandy to tears. Hands on hips, Toni scoffed at the overalls Faith and Brandy were wearing.

“Nice fashion touch, Gals. Whadda ya call that, Brandy -Sharecropper Chic?”

“And I suppose you call that glorified Ace bandage wrapped around your fat ass a fashion statement?” Brandy spat back.

Shania locked eyeballs with Faith, “How ‘bout you, Stringbean? You look like an anorexic Minnie Pearl.”

“Keep on braying, you shit-for-brains jackass,” Faith countered. Shania was taken aback by the authority in Faith’s voice as she continued, “By the way, I had a dream about you last night, sweetie. Just as I was about to beat your ass, I woke up and you escaped. You won’t be so lucky this time.”

Shania doubled over in laughter, “You—beat—me??? Oh, now that IS hilarious. Faith I never knew you had such a comic touch. You’re wasting your talent trying to be a singer!”

“We’re wastin’ time here,” Toni complained.

She reached out, grabbed a handful of Brandy’s hair and a second later, her right fist made crushing contact with Brandy’s chin. At the same moment, Shania leaped on Faith, wrapping both hands around the blonde’s slender throat and forcing the taller woman to the floor with her momentum. Shania also liked to lurk on the Kim and Ginny’s sites and had read the same stories Faith had and, like Faith, she believed everything she read on the Internet. Shania attacked with complete confidence in her ability to prevail and punish.

Shania’s knee found Faith’s pussy on the way down as she maintained her choke hold, driving Hill’s head repeatedly into the floor. Faith’s arms were still free, however, and she reached up and grabbed a fistful of Shania’s hair. Yanking with all her might, Faith threw the startled Canadian to one side then quickly scrambled to her feet.

Part of the ‘Sharecropper Chic’ look was ankle high, steel toe, work boots. And while Faith got to her feet quickly, Shania had managed only reached a sitting position on the floor. Faith drew her foot back, and drove a devastating boot right into Shania’s ribs. The purple-clad aggressor grabbed her aching side as she shrunk into a fetal position at Faith’s feet. Faith planted a boot on Shania’s throat and stepped down, applying maximum pressure as Shania choked and spasmed. her eyes nearly popping out of their sockets.

As Shania looked up into the eyes of the blonde who was dominating her, Shania struggled to -just breathe! Faith smiled down at her, her eyes glistening with ‘the look’ Brandy had noticed earlier.

“Spinach, Shania, Spinach! It’s a bitch, eh bitch?” Faith said as she removed her boot from Shania’s throat and concentrated a series of debilitating kicks to her stomach, ribs, and even her pussy!.

Meanwhile, Brandy had countered Toni’s aggressive start, and was busy finding weaknesses to exploit. Brandy, Toni soon discovered to her regret, was not only younger, stronger and taller, but quite a bit quicker than she was. Toni’s soft, voluptuous body, her broad, plump ass and round, ripe breasts all were fair game for Brandy’s clever combination of punches, kicks and slaps.

For every weak slap or punch Toni managed to land, Brandy responded with dozens of her own. As Brandy drove sledge-hammer rights into Toni’s legendary navel, the aging diva felt her strong legs turning to spaghetti. A stinging uppercut dropped Toni to the floor on her fat rump, her feet flying up in the air. Brandy caught Toni by her ankles and rolled her enemy over into a Boston Crab. Toni’s big, sarcastic mouth was screaming, begging for mercy all of a sudden.

Faith had also established her supremacy over Shania using her feet and now it was time to show her what her fists could do! She hair-hauled Shania rudely to her feet, pushed her up against the wall and ripped her leather vest apart, baring Shania’s full breasts and erect nipples. Soon her nipples were dancing wildly to a tune being called by Faith’s churning fists and the tears in Shania’s eyes were forming rivers of mascara that ran down both sides of her soon-to-be-bloody nose.

Brandy was still having her way with the badly outclassed Toni. A few firm tugs turned Toni’s barely-there dress into a shambles and Brandy made a quick mental note that the strips of fabric looked like they’d work just fine when it came time to tie up the has-been! Brandy then positioned herself over Toni and pinned her down without much of a struggle, then put her face down over Toni’s left nipple and - surrendering to an impulse that overcame her - bit into the nipple, tugging at it like a naughty terrier puppy with a chew toy. Toni screamed through her full, impressive, vocal range. After ten seconds that seemed an eternity to Toni, Brandy released her left nipple only to chomp down again on her right nipple.

Toni passed out from the pain and her wild eyes fluttered and closed shut.

Meanwhile, unnoticed by any of the combatants, Aretha Franklin and Loretta Lynn had walked into the building. They were surprised, and then delighted, once they understood what was taking place.

“You go Girls!” Aretha shouted.

“Whoop ‘em good!” Loretta cried out, pumping her fist in the air as, by this time, both Shania and Toni were completely whooped.

As a final indignity, Faith pulled Shania’s tight leather pants off and began plucking out her pubic hairs, one at a time.

Aretha and Loretta came on stage where they hugged and congratulated Brandy and Faith.

“We’ve been talking, Aretha and me,” Loretta said. “Ya’ll mind if we help you finish these tramps off - our way?”

Brandy spoke up, “Of course not , Miss Lynn. Whatever you want.”

Aretha and Loretta quickly slipped out of their panties and Aretha flipped a coin as Loretta called tails.

“She’s all yours, Loretta,” said Aretha, pointing at Toni’s quivering body as she strattled Shania.

The two musical legends dropped down on their victims and moved their ancient pussies into position. Grabbing a fistful of raven black hair, Aretha forced Shania’s blushing face into her enormous, juicy pussy and demanded a little ‘r-e-s-p-e-c-t’. Shania choked back her nausea as she did her best to satisfy Lady Soul. The same sequence of events had befallen Toni’ and her sexy tongue was plunging deep into Loretta’s cavernous womanhood.

Brandy and Faith smiled broadly, and awaited the moment. They’d grown up listening to Aretha’s otherworldly soulful wailing, but that had been when she was standing up - with her clothes on. What would Aretha’s orgasmic screams sound like?

As Shania’s tongue brought Aretha to climax, Faith and Brandy backed away cautiously - and wisely. Aretha’s orgasmic scream activated the Rickter scale at the LA Earthquake Alert Office. Her love juices flowed over Shania’s face like Vesuvius’ lava covering Pompeii. The walls of the building literally shook with the power in her voice.

Loretta Lynn’s climax was far less dramatic, but in it’s own way, every bit as satisfying. Amazingly, this was Loretta’s first ‘time’ with a woman and it’s pretty hard to imagine a sexier one than Toni Braxton to experience it with.

When she calmed down, Loretta bent down and kissed the startled Toni on her forehead and gave her cheek a little pinch, “Thanks, Darlin’. Let’s do that again. Real soon, you hear?”

As Aretha and Loretta took a moment to regain their equilibrium, Brandy and Faith used the ruins of Toni’s dress to tie their victims wrists behind their backs, then tied their ankles together. They propped Toni and Shania against a wall, making sure they had a good view of the rehearsal that would soon resume after their rude and futile interruption. Faith’s imagination brought to mind her dream, in which she struggled to keep Tim away from Shania.

She took a long look at her rival’s vacant mascara-stained, cum-streaked face, and chuckled, “Miss Lynn, may we dedicate a version of “You Ain’t Woman Enough” to our friends over there?”

Brandy snickered, “Faith, that is COLD. Girlfriend, YOU have really changed.”

“Sounds to me like I must have written that song just for you, Faith. It’d be an honor to sing it with you. And to tell you the truth, I can’t wait to hear Aretha’s version,” Loretta replied.

The assembled band kicked up a version of the Loretta Lynn classic and the result was musical magic. During each chorus, Faith slipped over to wag a triumphant finger in Shania’s face while Aretha took the old standard places it’d never gone before.

The rapport established between the two R&B artists and their two country cousins was a testament to the professionalism and class of all involved. The special showed simultaneously on BET and TNN as millions of dollars were raised to benefit the Faith Hill Family Literacy Project. Faith and Brandy even filmed some public service announcements to be shown in schools in which they sang a little song reminding kids to “eat your spinach!”