‘Downtown’ Julie Brown vs. Teri Hatcher and Kim Cattrall by Rob

Late in the evening at the J-Fac Bar and Grill and it has been a pretty quiet night since there had only been two fights - well below the average. In the first, Kristen Bell ended a shouting match with Minka Kelly with one well-placed punch, sending the busty starlet sprawling backward over a table onto the floor where she landed out cold.

The second was a bit livelier. Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr had been teasing Heidi Klum about being "over the hill" and the Freulein took offense. Hair was pulled, clothes were ripped, insults were screamed - until Heidi ended things with a very effective leg-scissors that turned out poor Miranda's lights.

Bartender Tank was telling a couple of patrons about the night Charlize Theron cleared out the bar (‘Theron’s Tirade”) while Jill Hennessy and "Downtown" Julie Brown were knocking back a few drinks in the corner and eyeing the dance floor.

"We should take on a few of those wimps; work up a thirst" Jill suggested, eyeing Heidi’s firm bottom as she stood over Miranda’s slumbering figure. Brown nodded in agreement; her eyes flitting from woman to woman; trying to decide which one might give her a good fight.

Just then, two of Julie’s former opponents walked in and sauntered up to the bar. Kim Cattrall was wearing a tight black miniskirt and Teri Hatcher a white micro-mini and black see-through blouse.

"You look really great tonight!" Teri gushed to Kim as she ran her hand over Kim's tight ass. "The bruises have finally healed from our last fights. Tell you one thing, Kim - if I EVER get my hands on that skank Brown again, it'll be a different story this time!"

Kim nodded vigorously, "You bet you will, Teri! You could smother her with THESE beauties!" she gushed as she caressed Teri's luscious, soft, breasts unencumbered by any sort of bra.

Teri closed her eyes and shivered with delight as Kim thumbed her hardening nipples. "I CAN take her out,” she sighed. “She just got…um…lucky…both times!"

But their boasting and bragging was cut short by a voice from behind them. "Is that so?" Julie asked with an evil grin. "I hate to interrupt this love-fest, but it sounds like you two are just spoiling for a rematch. Well, this is your lucky night, cause I’m here and ready for some action!"

In truth, both Teri and Kim were terrified. They had been bragging in an attempt to keep up appearances but deep down they both knew they had no chance against the still-sexy older brunette.

But maybe…if both of them attacked at once...

They both slithered down off their bar stools and charged Downtown, bringing up their fists in hopes of surprising her foe. But Julie, a long-time veteran bar brawler, expected that and was ready and waiting. With amazing speed, she dodged and ducked both women’s wild swings, brought her fists up and WHACK-CRACK, Julie slugged each of them under the chin as they came forward in tandem.

Both of the would-be tough chicks were stopped dead in their tracks, their eyes slowly crossed and uncrossed, then their expressions changed from anger to surprise then to a goofy, glassy-eyed, vacant look.

"Wha…wha…" Kim stammered, totally out of it; listening to the little birds chirping as they flew in circles around her head.

Teri was in no better shape. Her long legs wobbled and if she hadn’t been leaning back against the bar, she would surely have fallen. "Ge..guh…get bubba back!" she mumbled softly.

Julie just stood there, hands on hips, grinning at her two wiped out foes while, behind her, Jill was getting impatient. "What are you waiting for, Brownie? Finish off those nasty old cougars!"

Julie just smiled.

"Oh, what's the rush? I wanna have just a little fun first…and they ain't going anywhere!”

Grinning, Julie started "speed-bagging" Kim's pretty face; setting up a rhythm with her fists as she bop-bopped Kim's face over and over; rocking her head from side to side. As her fists flashed, Julie kept telling Kim that from now on her new name was "Big Doofus."

The blonde's head bobbled back and forth like a Kewpie doll and when Julie had finished with her, Kim's eyes were rolling wildly in her head and her expensive hair-do had fallen into disarray and was a tangled mass of Clairoled highlighted golden straw.

Leaving Kim swaying, Julie then turned her attention to the unfortunate Teri Hatcher. The black woman grabbed the front of Teri’s silk blouse and ripped it wide open, letting Teri’s self-described "real and spectacular" breasts spill out. Again, Julie employed her ‘speed bag routine’ - except now Teri’s fine titties were the target and she again schooled her foe as she dished out the beating.

"So from now on, what do you say when you see me?" Julie shouted at Teri, whipping fierce rights and lefts into her chest, pancaking her boobs flat, then caving in the sides as she slammed them together from the sides.

"Wubba Wubba Wubba…,” Teri mewled in agony. “Ah’m…your… bitch…please…stop beating my pride and joys…?" Teri sobbed.

"And what's your name, little Kimmy?" Julie asked Cattrall gruffly, making sure she was paying attention.

Kim was weeping bitterly but she finally managed to stammer between gulps of tears, "Big Doofus…my name is… Big Doofus!"

Julie had ended her lesson and now she turned to Jill. "OK, I'm ready to put these two chumps away now!" She spun around and landed a crushing left to Kim's chin, whirled back and dropped Teri with a devastating right to her jaw. The two soundly beaten women were lifted onto their toes by the uppercuts, then settled down flat-footed and their eyes rolled back in their heads.

But they remained upright and Jill looked at Julie questioningly. Julie told Jill, "Wait for it!"

Five seconds passed as the two losers bodies swayed back and forth, their glassy eyes staring vacantly. Then, as if on cue, they groaned in unison, "Ooooohhhh!!" as they slowly dropped to their knees, then keeled over, their limp bodies slamming facefirst to the floor. They lay on their chests with their knees under them, their tight, round, asses raised in the air.

Everyone could see that Teri was wearing a black thong and Kim had "gone commando" for this evening out with her girlfriend.

"THAT'S how you whip a cougar's ass!" Julie told Jill as she dusted her hands, took Jill’s elbow and pulled her toward the door. Arm-in-arm, they strutted out laughing uproariously, leaving two tamed cougars in their wake.