Jewel had just completed her own film, "Ride with the Devil" and bragged that she won the role without resorting to "nudity or pornography" - the way she referred to the disgusting pictures of Sheryl she'd seen when the girls passed copies of the magazine around.

Unfortunately, Jewel hadn't tried to hide her disgust at Crow's antics, so the dark-haired singer confronted Jewel backstage after a show and told her in no uncertain terms how unhappy she was. "Keep your fat lips shut about me and my career or I'll slap them so hard that when the swelling goes down you still won't be able to sing a lick. In fact, Miss Goody Two Shoes, licking sounds like a perfect job for that mouth of yours. You sure can't sing rock 'n' roll worth a damn. Everybody knows you only got that role in *your* movie because they mistook you for Renee Zellweiger. You open your yap about me again, I'll make damn sure it's put to good use. You got that?"

Jewel had been surprised and upset by the vehemence of Sheryl's words. Alanis Morissette, (making her own film debut this November - in the title role? - in "Dogma") and several other of Sheryl's friends were shoulder to shoulder with Sheryl. It was intimidating enough that Jewel turned tail and ran to her dressing room where she locked herself in until it was time for her set. Her speedy retreat caused much laughter and ribald comments by her arch-rivals.

The fight started later that night on the bus. It was dark and the rain was coming down in sheets. The tour was running behind schedule and tempers were raw. Jewel was chatting with one of her bass players and said something like, "I can't believe that skank. Spreading her legs like that for a magazine picture."

Jewel had thought Sheryl was asleep, but she was listening. She bolted out of her seat and grabbed Jewel by her long blonde hair from behind. Before Jewel knew what had happened, Sheryl pulled her to her feet and then slammed her fists one after the other into the space between her cut-off shirt and her jeans. The fists splatted against Jewel's famous soft, smooth, rounded stomach. Air and spittle sprayed from the blonde's mouth at the second punch. She gagged, her knees buckled and she doubled over holding her belly in the aisle of the rocking bus.

"Bitchfight!" someone screamed as the jaded musicians and singers rose to their feet, craning their necks and climbing onto seats to get a look.

"Whip her high and mighty ass," one yelled in support of Sheryl.

"Come on, hit her back," a guitar player cried - apparently supporting Jewel, but maybe just trying to prolong the fight.

"Rip her top off," another musician said to ear breaking cheers; his raspy voice slurred by drugs, alcohol or both.

"Strip the bitch," Alanis Morissette said as she elbowed one of the back-up singers back in her seat and got behind Sheryl. "Let the boys have a peek at those titties she's so damn protective of. Shit, she ain't nothin'."

Sheryl was wearing bike shorts and a T-shirt which Jewel grabbed to pull her forward. She turned her body and tossed the brunette over her hip and down in the aisle behind her. Turning quickly, Jewel reached down and buried her fingers in Sheryl's hair which was still short from her movie. Just as she started to haul the surprised Crow to her feet, Jewel was hit from behind by Alanis and tumbled on top of Sheryl.

The two wrestled on the narrow floor between the seats, each landing a couple of punches and Jewel ripping out a clump of Sheryl's hair which she'd held onto as she fell. It brought a loud scream of pain from Sheryl and cheers from Jewel's band. Jewel had the early advantage, she was heavier and she was on top. Not only that, she had both hands free while Sheryl had both hands between their bodies.

Sheryl was pulling and tugging at the waist of Jewel's Jeans, using it to pull her forward so she could hit her in that soft tummy of hers. Each punch was punctuated with a grunt or other expression of pain and discomfort from Jewel. In the darkness of the bus it sounded like a hard, brutal fight. Every so often a jagged spark of lightening would illuminate the scene briefly and give the onlooker's a glimpse of the action. Jewel's face was flushed and her mouth gaping open as she struggled to breathe. Sheryl's T-shirt was ripped and one of her perky breasts was jutting through the hole, it's hard, dark nipple a mute witness to her excitement.

Finally, Jewel managed to wrestle Sheryl over onto her back and climbed on top of her, straddling the brunette's thighs as she tried to pin Sheryl's wrists and stop her pounding at her throbbing belly. Just as it looked like Jewel had gained control and was able to either put an end to the fight or use her position to beat Sheryl senseless, the bus lurched and several passengers screamed as they felt the back wheels skid on the rain-slicked pavement. Jewel was thrown to the side and her body disappeared into the space between two rows of seats under the legs of several musicians.

While Jewel was trying to extricate herself from under their feet, Alanis Morissette helped Sheryl to her feet.

"Don't just stand there you dope, get the bitch!" Alanis yelled at Sheryl.

As Sheryl reached down to pull Jewel out by the ankles, the driver was steering the bus to the side of the road. He'd been trying to watch the catfight in the mirror when he'd nearly lost control and crashed. Now he had finally come to his senses and pulled over so he could devote his full attention to watching the fight. He set the hand brake, adjusted himself and got up on his seat so he could see over the crowd. He was hoping, he later told an MTV VJ, "to get to see some celebrity tit."

Now that Jewel had some time to recover from Sheryl's sneak attack, she was more than ready to face Sheryl, she was actually eager to show the older woman she couldn't mess with her with impunity (or anything else.) When Sheryl dragged Jewel back into the aisle, Jewel lashed out with her foot and the heel of her boot hit Sheryl in the shin, drawing a loud yelp of pain and making her lose her grip on Jewel's legs. Jewel scrambled to her feet and raised her fists as she faced Sheryl.

"You picked on the wrong girl," Jewel hissed through clenched teeth. "You think I didn't learn how to fight all those years I sang in those dumps in Alaska? Those oil riggers used to have a brawl every Saturday night. A girl learns how to defend herself or she's liable to end up with God knows what kinda disease."

Jewel finished talking and immediately smacked Sheryl in the cheek with her left hand, snapping the brunette's head back. Sheryl backed up and stepped on Alanis' toes, forcing her to cry out and push Sheryl back against Jewel. Sheryl used the momentum of Alanis' shove to knock Jewel backward, nearly toppling her, but the big blonde kept her balance and then took advantage of the space gained to flick out another left that cracked into Sheryl's nose. It started to bleed and Sheryl reached up and touched it; the shock, hurt and surprise mingled on her pretty face.

"You bitch!" Sheryl hisses.

Alanis jabbed Sheryl in the back with her fist.

"Get her, Sher. Don't let that bitch get away with hitting you like that!"

Sheryl wiped the blood from her nose with the back of her hand.

"Oh, you're going to regret that you little whore. When I get through with you, bitch, nobody's gonna mistake you for Renee Zellweiger. Carl Malden maybe, but never Renee."

Sheryl charged Jewel swinging with both fists. Jewel, her eyes wide, ducked and backed up, her hands raised in front of her beautiful face to protect her from harm. She ducked and brought her right hand up under Sheryl's chest, connecting with the point of her jaw and staggering the brunette. Sheryl's hands dropped and she reached down to grasp the arm rests to hold herself upright. She might have been better off to have fallen. With her hands at her sides, Sheryl's torso was open to Jewel's fists and she took advantage.

A cruel grin creased the blonde's lips as a hard left crunched into the brunette's tight stomach doubling her over. A right hand to the ribs buckled Sheryl's knees. As Sheryl's body started to slump to the floor, Jewel lifted her by the hair, grabbed her tattered T-shirt and drew her right hand back at shoulder level. She took aim at Sheryl Crow's nose.

"This'll teach you to keep your nose outta my business," she hissed as she let the punch fly.

Jewel didn't have time to shift her aim as Sheryl's head was suddenly yanked aside just in time for her fist to whistle past Sheryl's cheek. Jewel's momentum carried her past Sheryl and she flew over the arm of the seat behind her. The seat arm dug deep into her stomach and the impact left her draped across the seat with her tight bottom in the air as she tried to catch her breath.

Alanis Morissette held Sheryl with her arm around her waist while she too took a few moments to catch her breath. As Jewel pushed herself up, Alanis raised her leg, put her foot on Jewel's ass and shoved. The young blonde went sprawling halfway down the aisle of the bus, landing heavily on her big bosom with a loud grunt.

"Let's take 'em outside where they have room to swing," someone yelled.

"Yeah," chirped in one of Sheryl's back-up singers, "I can't see nuttin' here anyway."

Two of the men picked Jewel up under the armpits and dragged her to the front door. The driver opened it and they shoved Jewel's body out into the pouring rain. She stumbled down the steps and almost kept her balance until her feet hit the soft mud beside the pavement. Her feet flew out from under her and she went down on her butt and bounced once. She sat holding her aching bottom, her wet hair matted to her face as Alanis stepped off the bus and walked around in front of her. Alanis smiled and gestured with her fingers.

"Get up music whore, I'm gonna love kickin' your ass."

Jewel started to get up, but as she was bending forward to rise, Sheryl grabbed her with a double handful of hair and flung her across the grass strip into the storm ditch bordering the interstate. Jewel landed with her head and shoulders in the fast moving water, her hips on the grass with her long legs sticking up the hillside. She pushed herself up with her arms, coughing and spitting out the muddy water that had filled her mouth as she tried to scream as she flew through the air.

Sheryl ran down the sloping bank to attack Jewel before she could get up, but she lost her footing and, with a surprised cry, she went sliding down the grassy bank on her ass with her feet in front of her and her arms windmilling. She splashed into the stream beside Jewel in a huge spray of water. The two women stopped and looked the other in the eye for a moment, both hesitant about their next move. Then, as if by an unspoken signal, they lunged for the other simultaneously.

Sheryl grabbed a handful of Jewel's shirt and another in her hair. Jewel also got a hand in Sheryl's short hair, but she used the other to punch at her rival's exposed face. One punch to her cheek and a second to her left eye before Sheryl was able to roll Jewel to the side to keep her from using her fist further. One unintended advantage was that now Jewel's head was only inches from the raging torrent of water.

Seeing Jewel's precarious position, Alanis called out from the door of the bus, "Shove her head in the water. Drown the bitch, Sher!"

Sheryl was slightly uphill from Jewel and she still held the blonde's hair and shirt. She dug her toes into the soft earth and used her strong legs to push both of their bodies downhill into the water. She twisted her shoulders and used her weight to turn Jewel's head and push it underwater. Jewel's eyes widened in fear just before they disappeared below the mocha colored water.

Whether her reaction was powered by fear or by guile is unknown, but Jewel used Sheryl's momentum against her, hooking her hand under the brunette's armpit and rolling her across her body, over and down into the middle of the drainage ditch flat on her back. Jewel's head popped up, her face crimson and her mouth open as she sucked the sweet, cool night air into her lungs. She had lost her grip on Sheryl underwater, so she too came up sputtering and spewing muddy water. They faced each other on their knees, the water swirling high around their thighs, cooling pubic mounds heated by the fever of combat.

Like wild animals they crashed together, each with her right hand clawed, reaching out to rake the insolent face of the woman who had dared to threaten her; each left hand desperately wrapped around her rival's right wrist, straining to keep the claws from disfiguring her precious, beautiful face and possibly destroy her burgeoning film career.

As they strained and struggled evenly, each tried to get to their feet to use her bulk and force the other down into the water and, ultimately, to defeat. Jewel turned Sheryl around and pushed her with both hands. Sheryl fell back. Not losing her grip on the front of Jewel's soaked T-shirt, the brunette pulled Jewel with her, at least until the weakened material gave way with a loud, "RIIIIIIIIIIIP!"

Sheryl landed on her back against the grassy bank of the far side of the ditch. She looked down at the large piece of Jewel's shirt in her hands and then up at the blonde who, her stringy hair over her eyes, stood with her arms crossed over her chest looking down at the gaping hole in her shirt. Despite the darkness and the rain, Sheryl could see the color rising in Jewel's cheeks at having her breasts bared even though, with her back to the bus, no one but Sheryl could see them. Yet.

Sheryl got to her feet and slapped Jewel across the face with the rag in her hand. When Jewel didn't react, she slapped her again with it.

"What's the matter bitch? 'fraid somebody's finally gonna see those saggy ol' titties of yours?"

Jewel looked back over her shoulder, apparently checking the distance she would have to run to reach the (relative) safety of the bus where her band and back-up singers were watching from the windows. What she saw sent a chill down her spine. Alanis Morissette was standing in the door, a wry grin on her full lips which she licked hungrily as she got her first look at Jewel's full bosom. Jewel realized her only hope of getting back with her dignity intact was to defeat Sheryl and then take her T-shirt. It too was torn, but (at least so far) less than hers.

Sheryl saw Jewel's hesitation and when she turned her back briefly, she sprang into action. Struggling to her feet, Sheryl lunged across the knee deep water and tackled Jewel from behind. She wrapped her arms around Jewel's chest, trapping the blonde's hands against her own breasts. They splatted into the mud with Jewel on her belly and Sheryl straddling her hips with her arms wrapped tightly around the blonde. Sheryl started to shake Jewel like a dog might with a bone, scrubbing her face and bare chest in the thick mud and wet grass.

Jewel started to squirm, kick her feet in the water and even screamed once when Sheryl bit her on the back of the neck. Still, Sheryl was unable to really do much to end the fight as long as her own hands were trapped beneath Jewel. Finally, frustrated, she pulled her hands out, taking the opportunity to rake her nails across Jewel's flawless breasts as she did so. A yelp of pain was her only satisfaction and she smiled as she sat back and pushed Jewel's face down in the mud with both hands.

"How 'bout a mud facial?" she cackled as she ground the squealing blonde's face into the mud.

Just at that moment a rusted out, dilapidated old Ford came rattling along the road. Inside were Kim, a pretty young blonde who was driving, and beside her in the front seat was Ginny, an older redhead who as dozing with her head on Kim's thigh. Kim slowed down when she saw the bus pulled to the side of the road.

"Wake up Gin, looks like the girls had bus trouble. Maybe we can meet my idol Jewel if we stop."

She pulled to the shoulder and stopped behind the bus. Ginny sat up rubbing the sleep from her eyes. That's when they saw the two women rolling in the mud and grass on the shoulder of the Interstate. Kim leaned forward and wiped the fog from the inside of the windshield.

"Damn! That looks like Sheryl Crow and Jewel fighting. Get out there and help Jewel."

Ginny looked at Kim like she was crazy.

"It's raining cats and dogs out there. You gotta be kidding!"

Kim jabbed her in the ribs.

"Look, Sheryl's got her down with her face in the mud. She's trying to kill Jewel. Dammit, stop her or I'll never speak to you again."

Ginny sighed and got out of the car, the beating rain quickly soaking her thin blouse and molding it to her bosom. She almost slipped a couple of times as she walked along the shoulder of the road until she reached the struggling women. Kim was right behind her.

"Stop them I told you," Kim hissed as she jabbed her friend again.

Ginny approached Sheryl who was straddling Jewel's generous hips and leaning forward, pushing her face down in the mud as she screamed at her between laughs.

"Excuse me. Ms. Crow, please get off of Jewel you're hurting her," Ginny said in her, "oh so proper," tone.

Kim cringed at her slave's submissive approach.

"She'll never get her to stop that way"' she thought to herself.

Ginny tapped Sheryl on the shoulder, a little more assertively Kim thought with a touch of pride in her girl.

"Who are you two and why are you butting into our game?" Alanis said as she stuck her head out of the open bus door and looked at Kim.

"I'm Jewel's biggest fan," Kim said, drawing herself up to her full height and puffing out her chest proudly. "I'm the one who's responsible for getting her into this mess and I'm here to put things right."

She half-turned toward Ginny and impatiently stomped her foot in a puddle, spraying water on Jewel who was struggling to raise her head as Sheryl kept pushing her face down in the mud.

"OK Gin, you gave her a chance. Now, pull that bitch off of Jewel this minute. I'm tired of being diplomatic."

She looked back at Alanis who's face was creased with a dark scowl.

"Look you," Kim said shaking her finger at the dark-haired singer. "I know very well you and your friends have been cheating. Voting more than you're allowed trying to help Sheryl Crow win. Well, we're here to tell you it's not going to work. We're going to keep this a fair fight. Take her Ginny."

Ginny reached down and grabbed Sheryl Crow's shoulder, pulling her off of Jewel who was no longer struggling. As she came up, however, Sheryl turned her hips and drove her fist hard and deep into the redhead's soft stomach. Ginny's eyes widened as she doubled over with her arms crossed over her belly.

Kim yelled, "Hey!" and stepped forward to help her friend.

That's when Alanis reached back into the bus and picked up Jewel's guitar. She raised it high and crashed it down on the back of Kim's head. The slender blonde pitched forward face down in the mud next to Jewel. Ginny never saw what happened to Kim for while her friend was being blindsided by Alanis, Sheryl grabbed her by her short auburn hair and slammed her knee up under Ginny's chin. She flew backward with her arms spread and splatted into wet grass. She slid halfway down the side of the ditch before she came to a stop and lay without moving.

Alanis got off the bus and exchanged high-fives with Sheryl. They tied Kim and Ginny face-to-face with strips of their own clothing torn from their unconscious bodies and left them laying beside the road.

Alanis and Sheryl knelt down and Alanis stripped off Jewel's torn T-shirt while Sheryl unbuckled her belt and started to pull off Jewel's soaked jeans. It was a struggle and she couln't get them off until Alanis removed Jewel's boots. They rolled the naked singer onto her belly and Alanis used Jewel's belt to tie her hands behind her back.

"You're on your own from here," Sheryl said. "I kept my part of our agreement."

Sheryl picked up Jewel's boots and got back on the bus to the applause of her friends, supporters and those who'd won money by betting on her as the fight moved outside. The Jewel supporters paid up grudgingly, unhappy that they hadn't specified that Sheryl had to win without help before they'd pay up. Alanis slapped Jewel awake and kicked her in the side to force her to roll over.

"Untie me you bitch," Jewel begged as she writhed and squirmed in the mud, her breasts digging furrows in the soft mud as she tried to evade Alanis' probing boot toe.

"Party time," Alanis yelled as she threw back her head and howled into the teeth of the storm.

She wrapped one hand in the back of Jewel's hair and swept her other hand down and up between Jewel's legs which were apart as she tried to crawl away from the dark-haired lesbian dominatrix. Alanis' open hand came up with a loud, "SLAP" against Jewel's pubic mound and using that and her hair, she started to force Jewel to crawl toward the bus.

"Upsie-daisie," Alanis commanded harshly, forcing Jewel to climb the bus' steps on her knees and using the hand between her legs as a prod and to give the teary blonde plenty of incentive not to hesitate.

Alanis made Jewel knee-walk the entire length of the bus; nude, her head pulled back by the hair so everyone could see the tears in her eyes and with the hand between her legs kneading, probing and invading her most personal intimate recesses. At the rear of the bus, Alanis sat down and spread her legs, then pulled Jewel's face between her thighs. That's how Jewel spent the night, on her knees pleasuring Alanis while her entourage slept fitfully a few feet away.

Several miles behind the bus, the blonde and the redhead came too and struggled helplessly against the bonds that held them. They might be there still but eventually a pick up truck stopped and a man got out. He slowly approached the nude, bound women and Ginny mouthed a silent prayer as he knelt beside them. Her prayers were answered as he gallantly untied them and wrapped them in blankets.

"My name's --- the stranger said, but his name was drowned out by the howling wind. You can call me Southgate - all my friends do," he continued.

When Kim and Ginny told him what had happened, about how they'd tried to prevent Alanis and Sheryl's fans from stuffing the ballot box, he just laughed at them.

"You two are sure naïve," he laughed. "That happens all the time. There's one girl who must vote a dozen times whenever Charlize Theron's in one of those fights. It's the way of the world. You're foolish to try to stop it. Just sit back, relax and go with the flow. After all, it's not real it's just a fantasy. Relax and enjoy it for what it is."

He helped them to their car and followed their car to the next town where he made sure they were safely checked into the local motel, then he disappeared.

Meanwhile, Jewel was released in morning after the entertainer's bus reached it's destination. She had to borrow clothes from another singer before she could get off the bus to shower and clean up. She swore she'd get revenge against Morissette and Crow if it took her "forever."

"Next time," she told one of her back-up singers, "I'm gonna have all my fans vote 10 times each like Crowbait did."

We'll have to wait and see if and when that happens. Until then, this is…