Cat Deeley vs. Melissa Joan Hart by Harry 07-May-00

In the UK, Cat Deeley co-present a Saturday morning show with two males presenters, Ant & Dec, which includes episodes of "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" that allows the two male presenters to drool over Melissa Joan Hart. Cat meanwhile regards the program with an air of Olympian disdain, much preferring the Pokemon cartoon. There have been various satellite link ups with the Melissa and the two males presenters have even been to LA to visit her. Although Melissa has not yet been to London.

Behind the scenes of their interviews, Ant & Dec have told Melissa of the ridicule and abuse Cat dishes out to her. Thus when Cat is sent to LA by her normal employer, MTV, to cover an awards ceremony, it is suggested that she tag on an interview with Melissa (at her suggestion). As a reward, Melissa offers a live video feed back to the UK for Ant & Dec to watch, none of which Cat knows about.....

The fight
The two women sit opposite one another in directors chair in a Los Angeles studio. Melissa is wearing black knee boots and a short, silken, light blue dress with a plunging neckline that showed off an amount of cleavage unsuitable for children's TV. Cat also wears black leather knee boots, blue denim mini skirt and a red, cropped, sleeveless Gypsy top. It was clear to even the most casual observer that these two young women dislike one another intensely. When Cat reaches the end of her list of standard questions, Melissa dismisses the camera staff, ostensibly to start the editing process. Once they had left the room, Melissa rises and locks the door before returning to her seat, which should allow enough time for the up-link to be established. Cat discards her clip board and smiles sweetly.

"Well Melissa, I've heard from Ant & Dec what a hot babe you are, until its made me puke. Frankly all I see is a skanky blonde slut who has a TV career based upon talking to a stuffed cat! This is a bit rich coming from a second rate whore who boasts about how much she can get in her mouth. Maybe this is how you advanced your career!"

"You fucking ho," Cat snarled. "You're going to regret that, when I've finished with your fat arse, people will mistake you for Salem!"

"Big talk from a British slut. I've taken down Jennifer Anniston and your going down big time!" sneered Melissa as she stood up and moved her chair out of the way.

Cat did the same before returning to face Melissa in the now empty space. Both women's hands are curled like talons as they start to warily circle. Back in the UK, Ant & Dec are transfixed in front of a TV screen.

They started by lashing out with their hands and gradually got close enough to begin grappling. As they tussled they got closer still as they were able to reach out and sink their fingers into one anothers hair. Their lean bodies start to slap together and their legs become entwined in the heat of struggle. Without intending too, this heaving mass of flesh overbalanced and fell to the floor causing the two fighters to break apart.

By the time they had recovered, they both realised that their opponent was still within arms reach. It was Cat who pounced first and scrambled to be atop Melissa and resume the hair pulling. But Melissa was able to turn Cat's momentum to her own advantage and rolled Catherine over so that she was on her back before she knew what had happened. With both hands in each others hair they tugged and strained alternately grunting and squealing with the effort and pain.

Catherine tried to roll Melissa over to reverse the hold, but the star of the Teenage Witch was having none of this and spread her legs either side of Cat's body. Having achieved a position of dominance, Melissa adjusted her position so that she was able to lift her upper body from Cat's as much as the lower woman's hair pulling would allow. Melissa then let go of Cat's hair and clamped both her hands over her mouth and nose.

Cat's relief at the end of the pain in her scalp was swept away by a wave of panic at Melissa's smother. She had heard whispered stories of Melissa's prowess at being able suffocate opponents into submission. It was entirely natural, therefore, for Catherine to panic and try to rip aside the hands that blocked her air passages. But it was a mistake as not only were Melissa's hands tightly in place, but letting go of her hair allowed Miss Hart to sit upright as well as using up the air in her lungs.

"What's that cunt? You'll have to speak up I can't hear you surrender!" mocked Melissa from her position of dominance.

Cat reached up clamped her hands over Melissa's breasts, snugly encased behind the silken dress. When she realised that the American TV star wasn't wearing a bra (which somehow didn't surprise her) she sunk her fingers in. It brought the reward of a pained grimace on Melissa's face. This attack can as a surprise to Melissa, partly because of her own self confidence and partly because she hadn't rated Miss Catherine Deeley at all.

As much as she wanted suffocate Cat, she didn't know how much breast squeezing that she could handle and reluctantly broke the smothering attack to defend her breasts. As Cat gulped down air, despite having Melissa sat on her stomach, she eased up on her breast squeezing so that Melissa had no problem in removing her hands. Melissa raised her backside and slammed it down on Cat's stomach causing her to groan loudly.

But Cat turned the tables by bending Melissa's right hand back painfully. Melissa's screeched with pain and a tirade of expletives. She tried to break free, but Cat's hold was tight and she was able to use it to make Melissa slide off of her to the right. Melissa reached out with her other hand and took hold of Cat's light brown hair, if only to remind her that she was still in the fight. They both started to lash out with their booted feet, but were only in a position to make contact with one anothers boots which caused minimal pain. Cat used her spare hand to take hold of the front of Melissa's dress and started to pull. This got Miss Hart's attention and she stopped pulling Catherine's hair and instead started to tug on the front Cat's cropped top.

The sound of mutual ripping started within seconds as at first the two articles of clothing became misshapen and then started to give way. With painfully slowness, at least to the audience back in the UK, one of Melissa's firm breasts, complete with stiff nipple, came into view. Then a rip appeared in Cat's top and as it grew it became clear that she wasn't wearing a bra either as a growing amount of flesh came into sight.

Whilst both women had intended to disrobe the other, they hadn't planned on it happening quite so early on. Cat broke first and let go of Melissa's wrist and roll away. But not before Melissa was able to lash out with her left foot and painfully kick Cat in the backside. Melissa scrambled up, but as she stood up, trying to massage her aching right wrist her dress slipped down revealing both of her breasts in all their glory. Rather than be hindered by the dress, Melissa reached back and undid the zip sufficiently that the item dropped to the floor revealing skimpy white lace underwear. Cat was also standing up by now and realised that what was left of her top wasn't worth keeping so she also discarded it.

Now both topless, the two women eyed each others bare chests with malevolent intent, before closing in and starting to circle arms spread wide. They both wanted to get to grips with the other but were unsure about how to do so to the best advantage. Melissa leapt forward first wrapping her arms round Catherine's shoulders and taking a two handed hold on the back of her opponents hair.

Their bodies pressed up against one another, breast against breast and nipple versus nipple. Cat squealed with pain and embarrassment as Melissa's slightly larger breasts began to overpower hers. She hooked her arms under Melissa's and started to wrap the American's blonde hair round her fingers.

Miss Joan Hart squealed with pain and responded by pushing forward with her breasts. But this just masked her real intent and she slide her hand down Cat's spine, scraping her nails as she did so, until she reached the waist band of the denim mini skirt. The pain from Melissa's scratches alerted Cat to what she was hoping to do and she tried to retreat. But Melissa was having none of this and every time a gap appeared between them, the star of the Teenage Witch pushed on. Cat repositioned one of her hands reaching round to try and pull Melissa's face to one side by her nose.

This attack, however painful to Melissa, didn't stop her unhooking the clasp that held Cat's mini skirt in place and the next time Miss Deeley stepped back in search of relief, the skirt slid down to her legs, over her boots and settled round her ankles revealing her red panties.

"You dirty blonde slag, trying to undress me are you!" hissed Cat.

"My, my Catherine you aren't normally so shy about showing off your body like a cheap slut!"

Cat stopped mauling Melissa's face and brought her hand down. As she attempted yet another retreat, she drove a fist upwards into the underside of Melissa's right breast. Now Melissa screamed as a wave of pain wracked her body. She slumped forward onto Cat and it was only her experience from previous fights the prevented her collapsing. Cat wasn't slow to take advantage of this by hooking a foot round Melissa's left ankle and pushing her blonde opponent, with the net effect that the American fell to the floor on her back. Back in the UK Ant & Dec groaned at this development, as whilst they may have shared a TV show with Cat, they were most definitely in Miss Joan Hart's camp.

Although winded, Melissa had sufficient presence of mind to lash out with her feet at the British star, if only to remind her that this was still a catfight. More by accident than by aimed intent, the sole of Melissa's left boot painfully connected with Cat's knee, who howled with pain as her leg gave way instantly. Her discomfort was enhanced as she dropped heavily to her knees. Melissa wasn't slow to follow up this attack and with Cat being side on to her, she was able to spread her legs (a sight which excited the UK audience) so that the British woman was caught in a scissors. Cat's automatic reaction was to try and force Melissa's legs apart, and whilst this did bring some temporary relief, it didn't free her. Melissa tried to reach up and grab hold of Cat's hair but without success, so she applied more pressure through the scissors hold.

Catherine twisted her body, which increased her discomfort, so that she was looking down on Melissa's smiling face. But the smile was soon wiped from the American's face as Cat dug her finger's into Melissa's thighs, pinching and scratching. Melissa tried to hold back, but the pain was just to much and she shouted out her anguish. When she started to use her hands to protect herself, Cat changed tactics and started to rain blows down on her legs.

Reluctantly Melissa broke her scissors hold and started to try and drag herself away from Cat. But Miss Deeley was having none of this and fell forward in an attempt to pin her American opponent. Melissa wasn't able to get out of the way as Cat landed on top of her but instinctively she did take hold of her hair as her head had landed just above her breasts. Cat tried to move her face away from the pungent sweaty aroma of Melissa's breasts, but the hair pulling held her in place. As Melissa's long blonde hair was out of reach, Cat instead drove a couple of jabbing blows into the American's exposed flank, causing her to grunt and groan with pain. It also sufficiently distracted Melissa to weaken her pulling of Cat's hair to allow the British TV star to reposition herself so that their two bodies were more closely aligned.

It also provided Cat with an opportunity to bring her hands up sink her fingers into Melissa's breasts. Although the two combatants were closely pressed together, Cat was able to slide her fingers between them to take a good hold on each. Melissa screeched with pain and arched her back in an effort to throw Cat clear of her, but to no avail. On the other side of the Atlantic, Ant & Dec had become so excited by what they were watching on TV that they both felt the need to remove their jeans.

Melissa pulled back Cat's head and then moved one hand to underneath the young British woman's chin and started to push upwards. Now it was Miss Deeley's turn to use her mouth to express pain and she moved her left hand up to defend herself. But before she could do anything to help herself, Melissa had used her hold and vast experience, to roll them both over so that it was now she who was on top. She was then able, painfully, to sit up astride Cat's waist and pull away the hands that were assaulting her chest. The two women grappled in an awkward test of strength and will. Melissa's dominant position enabled her lean forward and push Cat's arms away from her body. All the while Cat was struggling and thrashing to free herself from this potentially terminal pin.

Suddenly Melissa broke off from the grappling and instead clamped her hands on Cat's breasts, paying particularly malevolent attention to the stiff, red nipples. As Melissa tried to pull her nipples from her body, or so it felt to Catherine, she started to scream with pain. She lashed out with her right hand and caught the American a glancing blow on the cheek, which although stinging, did not distract her. As the pain increased Cat reached up and sunk her fingers into Melissa's breasts to return the compliment. Melissa joined in the chorus of pain, but knew that she had the advantage and that it was just a matter of hanging on.

Although Cat had some satisfaction knowing that she wasn't the only one being hurt, she also realised that the struggle was unequal at present. It was when Melissa pressed her knees against her sides that Cat realised that she needed to do something quick. She tried to raise her upper body so that she could reach up to pull Melissa down, but the Americans grip on her chest prevent this. But Cat did see that Miss Joan-Hart's crotch might be vulnerable. A new twist of pain in her chest convinced Catherine of her next move.

She took her right hand away from Melissa's chest and snaked it down the American's stomach before she realised what was happening. As Cat manoeuvred her hand under Melissa's panties and into her tangle of pubic hair, Melissa gasped with surprise and pain. Ordinarily Melissa would have responded in kind to this attack in kind, but on this occasion once the sense of shock had passed, she realised that her own body position prevented such retaliation. She did let go of Cat's left nipple and moved the hand to try and protect herself. Initially she tried to pull the British woman's hand away from her snatch, but when that failed and brought no relief, she resorted to scratching Cat's arm. Although this did hurt Catherine, she had the satisfaction of knowing that Melissa was more interested in protecting herself than hurting her.

As Cat's fingers became more enmeshed in Melissa's minge, tugging and pulling hairs free, so Miss Joan Hart wanted to break free. But Cat had the initiative and she didn't want to lose it. She took her other hand away from Melissa's breast and reached up and put her arm round her opponents neck. She then used this hold to pull Melissa over, so that they rolled over and she was now on top. She pulled her hand up and away from Melissa's crotch, tearing some more hairs free, and clamped it across the American's mouth.

"You really must get out a bit more often Melissa darling. Look at all the cob webs that are clogging up your cunt!" cackled Cat.

Melissa responded by bringing both her hands up, as fists, into either side of Catherine's neck. Cat's air of triumph was cut short and replaced with muted gurgling as she broke her holds on her opponent and slowly slide to her right. Melissa did not need a second invitation to break free and rolled away from her opponent. When she knew she was a safe distance from her British opponent, she got up onto her knees and started to massage her burning minge. Even though she couldn't see it, her pussy was feeling distinctly battered.

Meanwhile Cat had also gotten up onto her knees, and after massaging her sore neck from where she had been punched.

"You dirty fucking slut Deeley," shouted Melissa as amount of punishment her pussy had suffered became apparent to her. "When I've finished with you, Ant and Dec will need the start of this video to remember what you looked like!"

"What are prattling on about you stupid American slut?"

"Your fellow hosts are watching this back in the UK. They were fed up with your antics and wanted me to kick your butt!"

Melissa now started to advance towards Cat, lashing out with her hands trying to grab hold of her British opponent. Melissa got inside of Cat's arms and took hold of her hair, twisting strands painfully around her fingers. Cat responded by taking hold of Melissa's disheveled hair. Their sweaty bodies slapped together, causing Cat to wince with pain as she breasts had suffered more and were still very delicate.

Melissa managed to twist and throw Cat to the floor, despite the pain of losing some strands of blonde hair as her opponents hands were wrenched from her hair. Before Cat could get up, Melissa planted both her hands firmly on her opponents back so that she couldn't get up. All Cat could do was lash out with her legs, which the American was able to avoid without difficulty. Melissa then wrapped one hand with strands of light brown hair and pulled the British woman up. When Cat was upright, Melissa snaked her other hand round Catherine's stomach and took a handful of already battered breast.

Melissa leaned forward and hissed nastily into Cat's ear, "Pay back bitch!"

Melissa Joan Hart then pulled Cat up so they were both standing and than let go of her hair and placed the hand on Cat's other breast, and was rewarded with a torrent of expletives and cries of anguish.

Despite the fierce pain she was suffering, Cat was fired by the desire to ruin the UK audience's plans and enjoyment of the fight and she started to push herself backwards. This took Melissa completely by surprise, her mind already having turned to how she would humiliate Catherine, and she fell backwards. As she hit the floor, Cat landed on top of her pushed her still breasts back into her chest. Now it was Melissa's turn to scream in pain and be taken to the edge as tears welled up in her eyes. She let go of Cat who was able to roll off of her opponent.

Just as Melissa was about to get up, she felt hands roughly grab her by the hair and drag her across the floor. Although she tried to struggle, she found herself lying across Catherine at an angle. But despite being underneath, it was Cat who was in the better position. She held Melissa's head over her breasts to prevent further attacks. Whilst the American continued flapped, Cat clamped one hand, still holding onto blonde hair over her opponents mouth, and then used the other to seek out breast flesh to squeeze.

Realising what was coming next, Melissa used her left hand to reach out for Cat's crotch. Cat tried to desperately move her lower body away, but Melissa managed to pull aside the panties revealing a light brown minge. Instinctively Cat moved the hand from Melissa's breast to protect her womanhood.

Whilst the British woman was pre-occupied with protecting her pussy, Melissa used her other hand to rip aside the hand that covered her mouth, despite the loss of some strands of hair. Now free of constraints, Melissa rolled towards Cat's lower body, her intent clear. But Catherine managed to hook her free hand round the American's neck digging her fingers in. Despite the strangled gurgle of pain, Melissa was able to bring both her hands to bear on Cat's pussy.

Two hands against one led to the inevitable conclusion. Melissa got a hand underneath Cat's red panties and took a vicious grip of the short minge hair. Cat screamed as a tear rolled down her cheek and arched her back in pain. But as the shock subsided, she dug her fingers more deeply into Melissa's throat and she started to choke.

Melissa was caught in the crux of a dilemma, she needed to protect herself but she was burning with desire to hurt Catherine. Whilst she struggled to do two things at once, the Brit grabbed hold of the fringe of Melissa's hair, and with a strength borne of the knowledge that she was on the edge of defeat, pulled hard. Melissa's head was yanked back sharply and her thoughts instantly turned to self protection. In doing so she stopped attacking Cat's womanhood, and as she did so Cat pushed the American TV stars head away from her body so that they broke apart.

While Melissa gasped for air, Cat massaged her hurt twat and let out a cry of rage. Melissa was lying on her side with her back to Catherine massaging her throat. Catherine swiveled her body round, and as Melissa started to get up onto her hands and knees, let fly with a vicious kick which connected solidly with the American's backside. This was a bolt out of the blue to Melissa and it sent her further away from her opponent. As Melissa again struggled to collect herself Cat set off in pursuit.

As Melissa started to get up, Cat leapt forward onto her back, knocking the American forward. As Melissa started to try and get up, Cat repositioned herself so that she was sat astride her lower back and used one hand to pull on her opponents blonde hair. If this wasn't bad enough, as Melissa started to struggle to free herself she felt a hand pass over her backside and again plunge into her crotch. As Catherine's fingers plucked at short curly hair, pinched and probed, it all became to much for Melissa and she started to cry. As the American's struggles grew weaker so her sobs increased as waves of pain and disturbing pleasure swept her body. Catherine kept up her attacks until she was totally convinced that Melissa had no more fight in her. After several minutes Catherine stood up, her body bathed in sweat and her breasts red from the mauling they had taken.

"Ant and Dec you're bastards! When I get hold of you, you are dead!" she screamed as she walked out of the arena.

In the UK, Ant and Dec were so carried away with the spectacle that they had just watched that they didn't care. Their satisfaction was increased not only by the popularity of the video amongst friends and fellow stars, but by a communication from Melissa Joan Hart stating that she would be traveling to London - soon.