Desperate Housewives Boxing: Teri Hatcher vs. Nicollette Sheridan by legman

A cold, December wind rippled around Susan Mayer and Mike Delfino as they walked arm-in-arm down the street. Christmas was rapidly approaching, but Susan already had scooped up her present. All of the man-hungry women on Wisteria Lane had targeted the handsome, muscular Mr. Delfino as the hero of their erotic fantasies but some were more brazen than others in their pursuit. In the end, it was sweet, wholesome Susan who won his heart.

Watching Mike do sweaty yard work in his sleeveless shirt was enough to turn Susan's pubic area into the Pacific Ocean. But she didn't let her raging desire for him get the better of her. The raven-haired beauty took the subtle approach. She melted his heart with her girl-next-door combo of a charismatic smile, slender facial features and captivating dark eyes and then hooked him by giving off just enough titillating hints of her ample breasts and long, sleek legs to make him want to see a lot more.

They were a picture-book couple as they shared laughs and flirty smiles while checking out display windows for holiday presents. But when they walked past 592 North Street, their lives turned upside down.

"Hey, look at this!" Mike said, coming to such an abrupt halt while clutching Susan's arm that his stunned girlfriend's legs went flying into the air. "Goldie's Gym."

"Mike!" Susan gasped as she wobbled a bit before regaining her balance.

"It says, 'Ladies, put on our boxing gloves and learn the womanly art of self-defense,'" Mike said, his eyes growing wide as he read the giant-sized lettering.

"Boyfriends and husbands welcomed to watch," Susan said as she read the wording beneath. "Yeah, right!" she said in a sarcastic tone.

But when she turned and faced a Mike she saw a look that she could remember seeing on the face of her daughter, Julie, when she was a little girl. Mike looked just like a child standing outside a toy store. He wanted to go inside in the worst way. Susan, dressed in a pretty pink and white warm-up suit, let out a sigh. She realized she’d become smitten with a catfight lover. Though she took Tae Bo classes to keep in shape, Susan abhorred the idea of fighting another woman and immediately wondered what was she getting into.

"C'mon, Susan, boxing lessons can always come in handy. I'm sure you'll be great at it. Please," Mike said in an impassioned tone.

The skeptical look on Susan's face slowly began to fade as she pondered the situation. "Hmm, he likes catfights," she thought. “And the thought of seeing me in boxing gloves is definitely turning him on. What's the worst that could happen? I dance around a ring for a few minutes, threw a few jabs at a punching bag, give Mike a raging hard-on, then we hop in the sack tonight for a wild night of love-making. What’ve I got to lose?"

"All right, I'll do it," Susan said as Mike's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "But if you want to see me throw punches, you know I take Tae Bo. You can watch me throw punches and even kicks there," she added, dangling an alternative to the boxing classes in her man's head.

"Tae Bo's OK; but nothing beats competition like boxing," Mike said. "You ARE a competitive woman, aren't you."

"I'm competitive enough to beat out those other ladies on Wisteria Lane for your heart, aren't I," she said with a sly grin.

"You bet you are!" Mike said, quickly grabbing Susan by the arm and ushering her into the door.

As Mike pulled Susan toward the front desk, a surprised look filled Susan's face as they walked past several beautiful women in scanty attire with the gym's GG logo emblazoned on their bikini tops.

"Hi, I'm Mike and this is Susan. We'd like to meet the manager to set up some boxing lessons for her," Mike told an equally beautiful bikini-clad woman at the front desk who rivaled Rebecca Romijn for looks but unlike her, this one had sculpted muscles a WWE wrestler would love.

"Oh, she's a little busy right now. She's shall, we say, finishing up an, er, lesson in the auxiliary gym. She should be through shortly. Why don't you wait by the ring in the main gym. She'll be walking through there on her way out."

Mike quickly turned Susan toward the main gym, but the brunette dug in her feet to stop him and turned her head around. "Are those ladies over there some of your instructors?" she asked the blonde.

"They sure are," the blonde replied. "The boss will decide who gets to work with you."

Susan was beginning to wonder if she had indeed made a big mistake. Every woman she had seen looked so beautiful and seemed so much stronger than her. Maybe they should leave, she thought. Yet there was no chance of that happening. Overeager Mike wasted no time in pulling her by the arm into the main gym. There they found a ring in the middle of the room. On one side was an overcrowded trophy case. The other wall was filled with pictures. In between, in a sign of the holiday season, was a Christmas scene, featuring a brick house with a large chimney and dolls of Santa Claus and little children celebrating the festive season.

Curious, Susan walked over to the trophies while Mike of course dashed over to check out the photos of women boxing. Both were silent for about a minute, each gazing at the items in front of them.

Suddenly, Mike gasped in an excited tone, "Susan, you'll never guess who's in these photos. It's . . ."

Before Mike could finish his sentence, Susan, who had been reading the names on the trophies, shouted, "Edie Britt!"

"That's me!" came a cry from an open doorway in the middle of the oversized gym. Both turned and were stunned as they gazed at the sight of the gorgeous blonde who was leaning her fabulous body against the doorway.

Yes, it was Edie Britt, Susan's devious arch-rival for Mike's affections on Wisteria Lane. Edie, too, had the hots for Mike and she tried long and hard to win him by parading past him in an array of sexy and revealing outfits. The shameless man-stealer even tried washing her car in a thong while he worked in his yard only a few yards away. But it didn't work. The battle for Mike's heart was won by Susan.

Yet as Edie moved away from the doorway and began strutting toward Mike it was evident the war for Wisteria Lane's main stud was not quite over. Mike had seen Edie in provocative outfits before, but nothing to rival what she was wearing today. True to the time of year, Edie was dressed in a Santa suit, if you could call how little clothing she had on being dressed.

This tight, strapless, red velvet suit was low-cut, with a white fur trim covering only about half of her mouth-watering 38D tits. Her bare shoulders glistened from the lights above and the sinewy muscles of her arms testified to her above-average fitness and strength. Her facial features were strikingly sharp and beautiful. Her dark eyes were painted with mascara. Her blonde hair was combed back into a swirled bun with not a single hair out of place. Luscious, ruby red lips and long, silver earrings. She was a goddess.

And if anyone could take their eyes off the top half of this blonde bombshell, the bottom half was just as arousing. The one-piece Santa costume was cut like swimsuit up to her hips, giving maximum exposure to long, slender legs that were encased in dazzling , shiny white tights. She wore a black belt around her waist and matching black ankle boots with stiletto heels. Black leather boxing gloves were still on both hands. This wasn't a fighter, Susan thought. It’s a centerfold from Playboy's Christmas edition.

"Shameless hussy," Susan whispered into Mike's ear. But he wasn't listening. He was too enthralled with Edie.

A seductive look filled Edie's face as she locked eyes with Mike and kept walking over to him, her hips swaying like a pendulum. There was no doubt Edie was indeed the boss of this gym. As sexy as her workers were, none could match the lust generated by Edie, especially in that incredible outfit! The rhythmic sound of her high heels striking the floor was now the only sound in the room.

(click . . . click . . . click)

As Edie's eyes burned deeply into Mike's, she knew by the mesmerized look on his face that the tables had been turned. Edie had seen it hundreds of times before. She loved to steal men with a passion for catfights who fantasized about her as their ultimate fighting woman, often pounding their old girl friends into dog meat to seal the deal. She quickly sized up his fetish and didn't take this cat long to sink her claws in her quarry.

"Mike Delfino, I thought I heard that husky voice of yours. What are you doing here?" Edie said as she reached Mike. "I'd shake hands with you, but with these gloves…I’ll just give you a sweet little kiss." She put her gloves on Mike's cheeks, bent his head back and proceeded to give him a French Kiss that tickled his tonsils.

Susan, who was so shocked at the sight of Edie that she was rendered as motionless as a statue, finally snapped back to reality as the kiss reached the 30-second mark. She raced over, grabbed Edie by the arm and twirled her away from Mike.

"That's enough of that!" Susan shouted.

A scowl came over Edie's face as her eyes met Susan's. Susan, angry at what she had just witnessed from a woman she despised, shot a glare back at the blonde. "Oh, and you're here too, Susan," Edie said in a syrupy voice. "Why's that?"

"I brought her in, Edie," Mike chipped in. "I thought it would be great if Susan learned to box."

"Her?" Edie said as she giggled and then shot a quick demeaning look at Susan before turning back to Mike. "Mike. Don't you know a female boxer has to be strong?" she said, flexing her right arm and stroking her eye-catching mound of muscle with her gloved left hand, "…and quick and," turning to face the scowling Susan, "…extremely sexy. I mean boxing is much more fun when you know you're sexier than the other woman and your rival's man is being driven crazy by the sight of her being destroyed by you. That's what it takes to be a boxer in this club - toughness and sex appeal - and I'm afraid skinny little Susan has NONE of those qualities."

Turning her head away from Susan with a look that revealed how much she delighted in ridiculing her neighbor, she walked over to Mike, stretching her arms out toward him and wrapping her gloved fists behind his head, and continued, "I mean you and I know I'm best and sexiest boxer in town, but I'm not a miracle worker. There's nothing I can do with her . . ."

Again a miffed Susan intervened, pulling her away from Mike. But the way Mike's eyes continued to focus on Edie and drink in every curve of her magnificent body told Susan words alone were not going to be enough to keep her man from wanting to stray into the blonde Santa's bag of goodies. Susan looked cute in her pink gym clothes, but she knew she couldn't match the pin-up outfit Edie was wearing. Yet she wasn't about to back down.

"You can say what you want, Edie, but there's a lot more power in this body than you think."

"Oh, really!" Edie shot back sarcastically,

"Yes, really, and if you go change into some boxing clothes, I'm sure you'll see I'm more than capable of defending myself."

"Dearie, I'm in my boxing clothes," Edie responded. "In case you don't know I just finished a lesson."

"You fight in that get-up?" said Susan, laughing quite loudly. "Yeah, sure."

"If you don't believe me," Edie said, "…just ask her."

Edie pointed to her left where two of her workers were carrying a woman out on a stretcher. Susan couldn't see much of her face, though she looked vaguely familiar. But what she did see was hideously bruised. The unconscious woman's clothes were also ripped to shreds. Her jaw dropped in disbelief as she saw a handsome man running out of the auxiliary gym, stuffing his shirt back into his pants as he tried to catch up with the woman on the stretcher.

"That was some lesson you taught - both of us," he shouted as ran past the ring. "You pack some punch, Edie."

"Believe me now?" Edie said, tilting her head and smiling at Susan.

With Susan speechless and staring at the battered woman, Edie seized the opportunity to slither over next to Mike, turning her body sideways and rubbing her tits up and down his chest.

"How'd like to find me under your Christmas tree, big boy," she whispered into this ear. "Be good and you might even find Edie Claus with one her sexy legs planted on the KO'd chest of Ms. Bland over there."

"Oh, wow," a star-struck Mike moaned.

Edie began to giggle after that her last remark, "You'd like that, big boy, wouldn't you." The sound of laughter brought Susan back to reality.

"All right, Edie; time you take your filthy hands off Mike!" Susan growled.

"Yes, Susan, you're so right. Here I am having a chat with Mike when this is all about teaching you boxing. I'm so sorry."

A puzzled look came over Susan as she tried to figure out what Edie had up her sleeve.

"Let's go up in the ring and talk about this," Edie said.

Mike immediately grabbed Susan's arm, helped through her the ropes and walked her toward the center. His movements came to dead stop when he watched Edie make her entrance. The blonde sent Mike's blood-pressure soaring as she bent over, lifted her sexy left leg, held it out for a while to focus attention on it then pivoted through the middle ropes. Mike's mouth began to water as he gazed at Edie's sexy legs while getting a close-up view of her exposed pubic area as she turned her spread legs toward the ring.

As Edie walked toward the couple there was look of sheer arrogance on her face. She knew she had both Mike and Susan exactly where she wanted them. Susan, meanwhile, was seething, knowing Edie's lone interest was in stealing Mike. Again the bodacious blonde walked right up to Mike and pressed her body against his.

"Miss me, handsome?" Edie said.

"The only thing you're missing is class!" huffed Susan, elbowing her way between Mike and Edie. "I don't care what you think; Mike's my man, got it?"

"Doesn't seem that way to me," Edie shot back, turning her head toward Mike who seemed to be hypnotized by Edie.

Enraged at what was happening, Susan balled her hand into a fist and angrily said to Edie, "I don't know who you think you are?"

"Why I'm the Boxing Queen!" Edie said in her usual arrogant way. "See my crown over there? That's something YOU'LL never wear, Susan!" Susan looked over and saw a dazzling, bejeweled tiara on a pedestal.

"I won that about 10 years from some royal British bitch, I think her name was Diane, or Diana," Edie said. "I was at this fancy dinner and she accuses me of trying to steal her husband, the Duke or Prince. Next thing I know, this princess is locking the door in the ladies room so she can have a few words in private. When called me a word I really don't like, I had to teach her a lesson. She was my first, shall we say, student."

Unbeknownst to Susan, who was caught up in story, Edie was stroking Mike's penis as she told the tale, turning him more excited by the second. "Well," Edie continued. "About two minutes later, poor Princess was draped over a stall minus a few front teeth AND her tiara - the price she paid for calling me that nasty word. After that I started selling real estate in Hollywood and some of those nasty bimbos out there dared to accuse me of stealing their men, too, so the Boxing Queen had to teach them some manners. Let's see I gave Heather Locklear, Pam Anderson, Sharon Stone and a lot more the chance take this tiara away. But I kicked the crap out them as you can see by some of those pictures on the wall. I'm a perfect 50-0 in the ring."

With thoughts of the super sexy Edie fighting with Hollywood starlets running through his mind, Mike's penis finally succumbed to Edie's rubbing and he experienced an exhilarating orgasm. "Oh, oh . . .er, wow," he said, catching himself after a few seconds of sheer ecstasy. Edie let out a low, sadistic chuckle as she delighted in knowing she had given the brunette's man an orgasm right under her rival's nose.

"Well, maybe Hollywood blondes don't know how to take care of their man, but this brunette is different," Susan said through her clenched teeth.

"Brunettes, oh yes," Edie said. "You do remind of Catherine Zeta-Jones. She claimed to be an expert boxer and assured her hubby that she would kick my ass and take the crown from me. She even called me that word I don't like. She didn't do too badly…lasted almost four minutes before I broke her jaw and sent her to la-la land. Brunettes are no match for blondes, little girl. There's a great picture on the wall of me standing over that skank's battered ass on that back wall. Make sure you check it out, Mike," she said with a wink.

"Her hubby, of course, thanked me for the lesson by making love to me every night for month. Then that witch Catherine got a team of lawyers to check out some real estate deals I made. She might not know how to avoid a right hook, but she's a terror in the courtroom. I had to get out of town for a while so I decided to move out here and open this gym while doing the real estate on the side. I bet you're glad I opened this gym, Mike," Edie said with a devilish look on her face, while hooking her left arm around Mike and stroking his hair with her right.

"Enough!" Susan shouted. She again separated Edie her from her man, saying "Mike, I've heard enough from this bitch, let's get out of here."

Taking a step toward the furious brunette, Edie said, "Did you call me a BITCH?"

"If the high heel fits, wear it," Susan sneered.

"That's not very nice," Edie said, moving to within inches of Susan's face. "But I won't punish you for it because it's not the word that really upsets me."

"Oh," Susan said," and what word is that, slut, tramp, skank ho, whore?"

Edie continued to stare at Susan.

"Hussy?" Susan said.

"Bingo," Edie said, her face lighting up. "Unfortunately now you, like Princess Di and Catherine Zeta and all those other tramps who used that hideous word, will have to be taught a lesson. You now have two choices. One: run home as fast as you can and leave Mike here to spend some time with a real woman. Or two: You can put on those gloves over there and try to defend yourself because in about 15 seconds I'm going to kick every inch of that fat ass yours if you're still in the same area code as me. It's your call, run like hell or fight."

Susan's anger was so strong, it only took a second for her to shout, "I'll fight."

As Susan raced out the right and put on a pair of red boxing gloves, Edie went right to work on Mike. She started by licking his ear then said into it, "Ms. Claus' Christmas present for you is going to be beating that bitch to a pulp. How would like that, big boy. Now I want you to go over there and turn on that camera so we can watch a replay of this fight in private later. I know you'll love . . ."

Before Edie could say anything else, she felt a hand spin her around and saw a red blur head straight for her face.

WHACK! Edie was knocked backwards and completely startled. Susan had wasted no time in initiating the fight, landing the first blow with a hard right hand to the kisser. Mike simply ran over to the camera, eager to get every possible second of the catfight on film.

"You picked on the wrong woman, hussy," Susan said proudly. "I learned how to punch in Carol's Tae Bo class. She's the real expert in town when it comes to punching. Let me show you another one."

As Edie shook her head in hopes of removing the cobwebs, Susan landed a right hook to the blonde's unguarded skull with her bright red boxing gloves. Knocked backwards again, Edie instinctively put up her gloves to defend her head. Susan wisely changed tactics, this time delivering a powerful right hook to Edie's exposed stomach.

WHAM! "Ooof!!"

The perfectly placed punch, knocked the wind out of Edie and left her hunched over with both arms wrapped around her belly. Even an inexperienced Susan knew what to do next. Gritting her teeth, she bent her knees and put every ounce of her strength into an uppercut that landed squarely on the moaning blonde's jaw.

POW! Edie was knocked off her feet and knocked to the canvas, her eyes slowly beginning to close.

"Flat on your back, just like you belong," Susan proclaiming.

Sure the fight was over, Susan turned and raced over to the other end of the ring, where Mike was standing behind the video camera.

"Did you see it, Mike!" she said with an electric smile. "Did you see me knock her out."

"I did, honey, you looked great," Mike said with an equally bright smile. "You . . ." All of a sudden a look of panic filled Mike's face.

"What's a matter, honey," a puzzled Susan said. "Why . . ."

Now it was Susan's turn to feel a hand turn her around her around. When she stopped, she came face to face with quite conscious and utterly pissed off Edie.

"I th...thought you," Susan said with a stutter.

Edie silenced the brunette by snapping off a lightning quick jab that caught Susan in the jaw. Every strand of her hair flew into the hair as she reeled backwards from the blow from the leather glove that felt as if it was made of stone. Susan practically flew into a corner at the other end of the ring, her back slamming into the corner ropes and her body slumping onto the canvas.

As Susan sat on the canvas stunned, she heard the distinctive sounds of Edie high heels as she slowly walked over to her victim. The smile was back on the blonde's face as she took her time while walking over to her adversary. She wanted to make sure Mike could see every twitch of her body in the super-tight Santa suit as she strutted and that he could ogle at her long, sexy legs.

"FYI, skinny," Edie said as she stood in front of the woozy brunette. "That woman you saw being carted out was Carol. She also got a little indignant with me because I said a few words to her man and I had to teach her some manners. Tae Bo didn't help her and it's surely not going to help a powder puff like you. Now get up and fight. I'll even give you a minute to try and hit me again."

Panic started to grip Susan. She had never felt anything as painful as Edie's last punch and it didn't seem like the blonde was putting that much muscle into it. If Carol had been slaughtered by Edie, what chance did she have? Susan didn't even try to get up.

Seeing that Susan had lost her desire to mix it up with her, Edie decided to taunt her foe. With her legs spread slightly apart and hands on her hips in a superwoman pose, she stood over Susan and bellowed, "Mike, look at this worthless coward you used to call a girlfriend. She won't even fight for you. What a pathetic loser. But don't worry I'll show you what it's like to have a true fighting woman as your girlfriend. This runt is going to be knocked out of your life once and for all. Any objections, stringbean."

"I object," shouted Susan as she sprang to her feet, energized by the thought of losing the man of her dreams to such a wicked woman.

"Now that's being a good little shrimp," Edie said slyly. "I'll still give you that minute. C'mon, let's go."

Both women raised their gloves and began shuffling around the ring. Edie was more gracefully as she danced around the slower Susan. Susan wanted desperately to belt Edie like she did before, but she couldn't get close. Every time she would move toward the blonde, Edie would simply step away and chuckle.

Finally, Susan saw what she thought was an opportunity, taking two steps forward and unleashing a wild haymaker to the head that Edie quickly dodged.

"Missed me," Edie teased.

Susan stumbled after hitting another but air, then turned and launched a left and right to the head. Edie easily avoided both like a pro, ducking under them and even wiggling her backside at Mike in the process.

"Missed me again," she said, turning toward Mike and taking the time to wink and blow him a kiss.

Susan tried to capitalize on Edie's preoccupation with Mike, gritting her teeth and firing a hard right to the side of her head. But Edie anticipated Susan's move and stepped out the way at the last second. An off-balance Susan fell into the ropes, bounced off and turned to find a smiling Edie standing directly in front of her.

"Time's up!" she said, rearing back and drilling a hard uppercut deep into Susan's soft belly. "Merry Christmas, bitch!"


Mike cringed as he watched Edie's punch drill into Susan's stomach. The brunette's eyes bulged so much from the punch it's a shock they didn't pop out. Her breath flowed from her lungs like the air out of a popped balloon. Edie took a step back to check out hr rival and grinned with delight as she saw the pain look on Susan's face while she clutched her churning stomach.

"Aw, does little Suzie have a bellyache?" Edie said. "Here, how about a headache too!" She fired a right to Susan's cheek that propelled her headfirst into the ropes. Woozy, the brunette held herself up with her arms draped over the ropes, giving Edie a chance to put on a display of her unmatched boxing skills. Edie tore into Susan's belly with a powerful left-right combo that had the brunette moan in pain. Working her way up her rival's slim body, Edie tortured Susan as she hammered her breasts, then her face. The sound of leather exploding against Susan's limp body filled the gym.

WHAM . . BAM .. POW .. CRACK! Susan tried to defend herself, but every time she would protect one part of her body, Edie would pound another. Susan was being torn apart.

"That Tae Bo stuff doesn't seem to be helping you much," Edie said as she continued to rain punches down on Susan's battered body. "And that sweet little Miss Innocent shit might work on Mike on Wisteria Lane, but here in the ring he wants a powerful, awesome fighting woman - and that's me, skinny." Her muscular arms then started moving like a viper, coiling back and forth as she snapped off a series of jabs that exploded against Susan's face, bring tears to her eyes and crushing her nose.

"I . . . dink du boke my node," Susan bawled as she fumbled with the gloves, frantically trying to straighten out her bleeding nose.

"I'm going to break a lot more than that before I'm through, baby cakes," Edie shot back. The blonde then drilled Susan with a couple of devastating hooks to the ribs, helping the brunette to forget about the pain in her nose. She was sure her ribs were broken. When Edie finally stopped hurling punches, Susan was hanging with one arm over he top rope; tears flowing from her eyes. She knew she was no match for the evil blonde in the ring.

"Ow ... ow... ouch . . . stop," she cried out.

Seeing Susan helpless only brought more joy to Edie. She hammered another right to her face that Susan's sent saliva and sweat flying. "You're a pathetic weakling," Edie said as she belted Susan in both tits at once, bringing a strangled whimper from the battered brunette. Then Edie battered Susan's body like punching bag; firing at least 20 hooks to her jiggling chest and stomach before delivering a straight right to the face that arched Susan backward over the top rope, then tumbling forward; facedown on the canvas at Edie's feet.

"I know you're bowing to the superior woman," Edie said with an arrogant air. "But this lesson's not over. I can't let weaklings like you call me names and not administer a full lesson."

The blonde then pulled Susan up by the air and flung her back into the ropes, where the brunette helplessly sagged.

Mike could not believe what he was seeing. Not that Susan was being overwhelmed. A minute into the fight he knew Edie was the better fighter. He never could have imagined that Edie could look this good. Yeah, he knew she had a hot bod, but seeing it in action against another woman was the most erotic thrill of his life.

He loved the confident glow on Edie face as she danced around the ring. His heart raced as he watched Edie's biceps expand and contract as she wound up for one brutal punch after another. He salivated as he watched Edie bend her knees to draw power from her killer legs. The dazzling white tights were only arousing Mike even more as they perfectly showcased every movement of her phenomenally shaped leg muscles.

His eyes - and pants - bulges as he watched the back of Edie's killer legs and her perfectly shaped butt in the skin tight Santa suit as she bent over to pick up the decimated Susan off the canvas.

"Unbelievable," he said. "You are some woman, Edie."

The haughty blonde turned her head and acknowledged Mike's comment with a wink. Then she turned and went back to work, laughing as she plastered her powerless neighbor.

Mike marveled as he watched how Susan was being turned into a marshmallow by Edie's skilled punches and lust took over his mind. He thought to himself, "How could I have fallen for a lightweight like Susan. Edie's the ultimate woman." He had fallen under the spell of the town's champion catfighter and no one knew that better than the cackling Edie.

Back in the ring, a contemptuous Edie finally stopped her onslaught. She gazed at her rival and laughed at the destroyed Susan. Susan's face was red and puffy. Her hair was mangled and frizzy. Her sweatsuit top was no match for the force of Edie's punches and was now filled with gaping holes. Her body hurt so much, she couldn't move.

Edie helped in that regard, grabbing her by the hair and dragging her out to the middle of the ring.

"You look like a mess, cream puff," Edie said. "Maybe you need to have your hair done."

Edie then reached back, twisted her first and smacked Susan with blow that twisted her black hair into a bee hive.

"How's that," Edie said. "Ah, let's try a pony tail."

Edie drilled another punch into her foe's face, squishing Susan's nose and lips and turning her hair into pig tails.

"Maybe an afro," Edie said, ripping off a punch that stood Susan's hair on end and frizzed it.

"Nah, you know what you need," Edie said. "You need the 'I got my ass kicked by Edie look.'"

Edie then raised her right leg and stepped into a vicious punch that sent poor Susan sailing into a corner, where her arms became tangled in the top rope, keeping her from falling to the ground.

Susan's black hair was back to the way it was before, utterly mangled.

"Nice hairdo, skinny," Edie said. "It's so you."

Edie waited for some response, be it physical or verbal, from her adversary, but none was forthcoming. Soon a bored look fell over Edie's face as she realized her opponent was finished. Knowing Susan wasn't going anywhere, Edie forced her glove under the waistband of Susan's sweatpants, then with a single, forceful tug, she ripped them completely off. Susan was in such a daze she didn't even realize she was laying there in nothing but her panties!

"Now that's a perfect look for a weakling like you. All beaten up and your clothes ripped from top to bottom," Edie whispered in Susan's ear. "Besides we won't have to worry about Mike getting into those panties anymore, now will we! He's mine now, honey. I could have knocked you out 10 seconds into this fight, Susan; but it's more fun doing this - hurting you and keeping you conscious to watch me take your man away from you. Check this out, sissy girl!" Edie cackled loudly as she turned away from her suffering rival and walked over to spend some time with her new lover. As she wiggled her ass, she was twirling Susan's torn sweatpants over her head.

Susan felt humiliated at what Edie was doing, but she was too weak to do anything but have her heart broken by watching what her arch-rival was doing to her lover.

"Did that turn you on big boy," Edie drawled sweetly as she wrapped Susan's pants around Mike's neck like a lasso and used them to pull him closer to her. "Did you like seeing Edie Claus take care of that naughty little girl over there?"

"How about these muscles and fists," she said, flexing her rock hard biceps. "Why don't you show them how much you love them."

Mike could not control himself. He immediately began kissing and licking Edie's arms and fists.

'Oh, I love these muscles," he panted.

Beaming like a spotlight as Mike paid homage to her body, Edie reveled in the erotic thrill she was experiencing for a couple of minutes. Then she slowly pulled away.

"That was pretty good, you handsome hunk," she said. "But now I have some business to finish up with that nasty little slut in the ring. I still have to put her down for the 10 count and once I do you and I are going to be all alone and we were going to make wild, passionate love in the ring. Now you just keep that camera rolling and I'll be done shortly. Can you do that?"

"Oh, yes, Edie Claus. I'll be a good boy," Mike said.

"Stay that way and I'll bring you a real present, me" Edie said, blowing Mike a kiss and then turning to re-enter the ring, her body seductively swaying like the snake she truly was.

Edie was sure Susan was beaten, but she was wrong in one respect. They were not alone. Unbeknownst to the three people in the gym, two teenagers had cracked open the door to the gym and were peering in. It was Susan's daughter, Julie, and her friend, Mary. They, too, had seen the sign and were interested in taking classes. Their curiosity led to the door of the main gym where they saw a sight they could not believe.

"Oh my god," Mary whispered to Julie. "Edie is destroying your mom. We've got to do something."

"I know, I know," Julie said. "I've got to come up with an idea. Hey, wait a minute."

Julie then remembered seeing a grocery store and a lingerie shop across the street.

"I've got a plan. C'mon , come with me," she said to Mary.

As the two girls dashed off, Edie walked over to Susan and began slapping her.

"Ho, ho, ho. Time to wake up," Edie said, bringing the brunette back to consciousness. "The lesson isn't over. There's no time for a nap.

"Now look at you," she went on. "How you expect to attract a man with spaghetti legs like those," she said, looking at legs that no longer had the strength to keep Susan up. "A real woman has strong, sexy legs like these," Edie said, running her gloves over her legs.

"But enough about me," she said. "I have a question for you? Are they real? Are those flabby tits of yours real or did a plastic surgeon give them to you.? Let's find out, shall we?"

Edie then started a wild flurry of punches that centered on Susan's bosom and ripped off every bit of clothing that was on them. Susan's tongue was hanging out as she lay limp and draped on the ropes, gaining in pain more than ever.

"Please . . . please... Edie . . .No more. .. I quit . . . Mike is yours. . . . Don't hurt me anymore," Susan wept.

"That will be enough out of you!" Edie said, firing a left to the jaw that quieted Susan. "Now, let's check out these tits." She began belting Susan's exposed tits like they were a speed bag. Her fists were one, big black blur as she belted Susan's tits every which way as the gym echoed with the sound of Edie's fearful gloves strike their targets.

Thud . . Thud . . .thud . . .thud! After a minute of the worst agony she had ever experience, Susan felt the pain subsiding. Even though Edie had stopped belting them seconds earlier, the throbbing of her tits was so painful it felt as if she was still being punched.

Susan tits were pulverized. They were reduced to two sagging masses of black and blue, a fitting match for her tattered face. "Ow, the pain . . . ow . .." Susan wailed.

"Well," Edie smirked. “They're real alright…real bruised! Hee-hee-hee," Edie laughed, bending over and slapping her gloves against her knees as she delighted in the way she had decimated her foe from Wisteria Lane. "Blondes really do have more fun," she said. Then as Edie saw Susan's eyes start to roll back as the brunette began to slip into unconsciousness, “WHOA! Not so fast, Susan. Let Edie Claus tuck you in for the night," Edie said, yanking Susan out of the ropes by her hair. "And remember, if you ever even so much as look the wrong way at me or even wave hello to my man Mike, I'll give you beating that will make this look like a slap from a 90-year-old grandma. Got it!?"

"I . . . I…got. . . it," Susan mumbled softly.

"Good! Ta-ta, toots," Edie said as she jerked Susan's head down and then clubbed her in the back of the head, sending her face-first into the canvas. Susan was out colder than an iceberg.

"Mike, sweetheart," Edie shouted. "Be a good little elf and toss me my crown. I love to wear it while my opponents are being counted out."

Mike wasted no time in grabbing the crown, scrambling into the ring and putting it on her head and then smacking her firm butt. "Great job, Boxing Queen," he said.

"Oooh .. .thanks, big boy," purred Edie as she planted her left leg on Susan's butt and flexed her biceps. "Do you think she'll get up before 10, dear," Edie said sarcastically.

"She won't get up before 10,000, champ!" Mike replied.

"I think you're right," Edie said. "Let's save time. TEN! Any objections, little girl? Don't hear any, so I guess I'm still the Boxing Queen!"

"51-0. Amazing," Mike said.

"No, what's amazing is what you're going to do now. You're going to put that mouth of yours to work massaging my tits and every part of my body before you put that throbbing rod of manhood in your pants to work in my little chimney."

"Whatever you say, sweetheart," Mike said.

"Oh, wait," Edie added. "Before we do that. I have to clean up the debris in the ring. It'll just take a second or two."

Edie lifted the KO'd brunette off the mat and whispered in her ear, "Don't worry about fastening your seat belt, it's a short flight" She flung the helpless Susan into the ropes. She was so limp and hit the ropes with so much force that she bounced off and became airborne as she flew back to the blonde assassin. With a wicked smile, Edie wound up and hit the onrushing Susan with an uppercut that lifted her off her feet and sent her end-over-end back out of the ring, hurtling clear into the auxiliary gym. The loud CRASH that ensued said the back wall stopped her flight.

Totally triumphant and with Susan out of her life, seemingly once and for all, the victorious Edie strutted over to Mike, pulled down the front of her Santa suit, exposing her mouth-watering breasts, and told her new lover, "Get to work, you handsome hunk."

As squeals of delight drifted out of the main gym, inside the auxiliary gym a different scene was taking shape. Jane and Mary had arrived back in the gym to see the conclusion of the one-sided catfight. They found their way into the auxiliary gym through a back door where Jane raced over to a pile of boxes under which her mother lay buried.

"Oh my lord, she must have crashed into that shelf," Mary said.

Jane dug out her mom and gasped when she saw her. "I hope this works," she said. "She's so battered."

"I still don't know what you're doing," Mary said.

"Don't you watch TV. Olive Oyl got beat up by this blonde boxing instructor but she ate some spinach and then Olive kicked the daylights out of her to keep her man," Jane said. "If it can work for Olive Oyl it can work for my mom."

Jane then reached into a shopping bag, pulled out a can of spinach, peeled off the top and put a pinch of spinach in her mom's mouth. She waited a few seconds and nothing happened.

"See, Julie. This is real life not a cartoon. We need an ambulance," Mary said.

"Stop!" Julie shouted. "Maybe she needs more."

Julie put a larger chunk of spinach in her mother's mouth and her heart sank as after a few seconds there was no response. Tears started to well in her eyes. Then she saw a small quiver in Susan's cheek. A couple of seconds later, it happened again and again and again. Though still unconscious, Susan was chewing the spinach. She then swallowed and when she did her eyes shot open and she sat up from the pile of boxes. Both teens were stunned as they watched Susan's bruises slowly begin to heal and muscles get tighter.

"Wha…what's going on?" Susan said. "What are you girls doing here. I felt like every bone in my body was broken a few minutes ago, and know I feel like I can bend steel in my bare hands?"

"Mary and I came here to find out about boxing lessons and we saw what happened with you and Edie. I gave you some spinach, mom, to help you out," Julie said.

"Spinach. Like Popeye?" Susan said.

"Like Olive Oyl in 'Never Kick a Woman'," Julie said.

"That's right. I remember that cartoon. That blonde hussy . . grrrr, ," Susan said.

Susan stood up and reached out her hand. "Mind if I finish the can? I have some business to settle back there."

Julie happily gave her mom the can and Susan wolfed it down her mouth. Immediately felt a surge of power like she had never experienced. She heard trumpets blaring. She looked down and saw her muscles and chest expand. She flexed her biceps and saw muscles that were easily a match for Edie's. She felt as strong as a super woman and was being overcome by a raging desire for revenge.

"You know, mom," Julie said. "That Mike is hot but he isn't exactly too loyal. You should have seen him cheering for Edie."

"I'm sure he was," Susan said. "As you get older, you'll see how catfighting does strange things to a man. As you have do is punch another woman and a guy will go crazy for you.. You're going to the get the shopping spree of your life for this later, but for now, sweetie, this cat has some fighting with a certain hussy in that other room that's going to drive my man absolutely crazy."

With a look as confident as Edie wore, Susan started toward the main gym.

"Hey, mom, wait, there's something else in the bag for you," said Julie, who tossed the bag to her mom. Susan looked inside and chuckled.

"I figure if you're going to prove you're a better fighter to Mike you might as well prove you're a lot hotter than Edie, too," Jane said.

"You think of everything, don't you," Susan said with a beaming smile. "I'm so proud of you."

In the ring, Edie and Mike had finished with foreplay and Edie was slowly sliding down her Santa suit while Mike unzipped his pants.

"I have been waiting so long for this," Edie moaned as she reached for Mike's elongated rod.

Then a voice broke up the afternoon delight, "And you'll have to wait a lot longer for it!" Susan said from the other end of the ring. Both Edie and Mike immediately turned around and their eyes bulged and jaws dropped in shock over what they saw. "And longer in your case, hussy, is never," Susan was leaning against the top rope, arms folded and legs crossed in front of her.

"Oh my," Mike said. "Susan? Is that you?"

"You bet it is, sweetheart!" she said as she lurched forward and slowly began walking toward the couple.

Yes, it was Susan, but not a Susan Mike had ever seen. Her face beamed; her dark hair was perfectly coifed, coming down shoulder length around her hair; her body was sculpted like a fitness model’s with sexy ridges of muscles in her biceps and legs and her breasts…her breasts seemed bigger, and firmer, than ever. THIS Susan looked to be more than a match for Edie, even in clothing!

Because Susan too, was now attired in an oh-so-sexy Santa suit…a tight crushed red velvet suit. Only unlike Edie's French cut suit, Susan's was as a micro-mini slit-dress that was so short it barely covered the bottom of her butt. The top was stretched over her burgeoning breasts and held in place by thin spaghetti straps that were surely being stretched to their limit to hold Susan's rounded boobs in place. She wore a bejeweled silver belt loosely around her waist. Her shapely legs were clad in red tights that shimmered from the lights above and she wore red stiletto-heeled ankle boots.

"Mike, dear, I don't know why you would want a piece of coal like blondie here," Susan said as she strutted. “When you can have what's in these stockings?"

Mike couldn't believe his ears. Not only was Susan looking just as good as Edie - if not better - she was talking just as tough. Could she fight like her, too? Slowly he inched away from the women, heading back to the camera to film what he was sure would be an epic catfight.

"I don't understand it," Edie said as she finished adjusting her suit. "There's no way YOU can look like this. There's no make-up in the world able to cover up all the bruises I gave you."

"You're right it isn't make-up," Susan said. "Look, tramp, let's not worry about what happened to me. Let's see what's going to happen to you once you put those boxing gloves."

"Oh, little Miss Tae Bo do really think this is a wise thing you’re about to do?" Edie said.

"Sure do," Susan said. "I really didn't focus on putting my fighting skills to their best use. I think Lady Tae Bo will teach the Ho a lesson this time."

There was still a puzzled look on Edie's face as she walked over to a corner and bent down to pick up her gloves.

"Oh, and be sure to keep that crown on your head," Susan shouted. "I want the pleasure of knocking it off your head, HUSSY."

Hearing the word that made her blood boil, the snarl returned to Edie's face. She didn't care how Susan had recovered, she was now set on reducing her to an even worse condition.

The two bitter rivals began striding toward each other. Susan's legs glowing in her red tights; Edie's shinning in the white tights.

"Why the skirt, bitch," Edie said as she locked eyes with her foe. "Afraid to show off your legs properly or do you just feel inferior when you look at mine."

Putting her hands on her hips, Susan didn't break away from the stare down with Edie. Before Susan looked an angry little girl as she bantered with Edie. Now she was a mature, confident woman with a steely determination as her gaze burned deeply into Edie's unblinking eyes. "Unlike sluts like you, I just don't believe in letting my man see everything at all once," she said. "Tonight in my bedroom he'll see all of my legs. Plus, what would make you think your chicken legs are sexier than mine, hussy."

"You're going to pay for calling me that," Edie growled. "This time I won't take it easy on you."

"Go for it, hussy"

Hearing Susan's response, Edie raised her gloves and a sadistic smile filled her face as she began to circle her prey. Susan, too, raised her gloves and began moving with her foe. Edie was already thrown a curve. Her face showed some confusion as just 10 minutes ago Susan had clumsily moved around the ring. Now she was gracefully moving, bobbing and weaving like a heavyweight champ. Mike's penis was bulging as he heard the clicking of both women's heels while they tested each other's defenses.

Edie could not believe it. Each time she seemed to have Susan set up for a killer punch, the brunette would move away. Susan's smile grew wider as she could sense Edie's frustration.

"You can't hit me, nah, nah, na, nah," Susan teased.

After a while, Edie's eyes opened wide as she saw a clear opening to Susan's head and fired a rocket-like right to the brunette's head.

"That's what I've been looking . . ." Edie started, though she didn't finish the sentence because she was rendered speechless by missing her target. Susan had ducked the knockout punch like a pro. If Edie had thrown that same punch against the other 51 fighters she faced in the ring, each one would have been down for the count. But not Susan. Not a spinach-enhanced Susan.

"Missed me," Susan said with a grin like a Cheshire cat.

In reversal of roles, now it was Edie's turn to futilely chase after her rival. The blonde wheeled around and launched two missiles for Susan's head, only to have the fleet brunette avoid them.

Her frustration growing by the second, Edie fired a jab at Susan's nose that the brunette beauty backpedaled away from. Edie pressed forward with another jab and then another, but Susan was too quick. The brunette kept moving backwards, avoiding at least eight punches, before she found herself next to the rope. Seeing she had her foe trapped, Edie changed tactics and let fly with a vicious round-house punch for the side of Susan's head. The giddy brunette responded by ducking under it and stepping away to the side. The momentum of Edie's futile punch carried the blonde forward and she bounced into the ropes chest-first. Quickly she caught herself and then turned back toward Susan, who taunted her with a pixie-like grin. Edie was now so mad at how Susan was showing her up that any thoughts of boxing tactics melted away and were replaced by a savage desire to hit Susan any way she could.

Edie went after her with a left, with a right, another left, a hook, an uppercut, a jab, another left-right combo.

All she hit was air as Susan continually teased the perplexed blonde with cries of, "Missed me . . . missed me . . . nah, nah, nah nah, nah . . . missed me."

Edie put all of her energy into one more punch and when it, too, completely missed its target, her arms and shoulders sagged. She was breathing heavily, tired from the onslaught. She could feel her hair-do was started to come apart and sweat was raining down from her brow. Her predicament only grew worse when she looked up and saw Susan standing directly in front of her. She had her hands on hips and was impatiently tapping her foot on the canvas. Not a single hair was put of place and she wasn't even breathing heavily. She looked as fresh as she did when she first returned to the ring.

"Now listen, hussy," she said. "The whole idea of a boxing match is for the two women to hit each other. You're not holding up your end of the deal, so it looks like I'll have to do all the punching."

"The hell you will," Edie said through gnashed teeth as she let fly with a left. This time, Susan used her arms to block it. She fired a right and again Susan used her arms to ward off the blow. Stunned at how easily Susan had fended off her best punches, Edie's mood grew from confused to frightened as she saw a red bolt of light coming straight at her.

Ker pow! Susan went on the offense, belting Edie in the mouth and knocking the boxing champ on her shapely rump with a single punch! Mike was in shock, seeing how Susan was starting to turn the tables on Edie who, as she sat up on the canvas and shook her head trying to clear her blurry vision, was also incredulous. The punch was 10 times harder than the ones Susan landed before. How could she have become that much stronger? When Edie's vision finally cleared, she looked up to see Susan motioning to her with her right hand.

"C'mon, hussy, get up. We're not through! It's time someone taught you a lesson."

Hearing the word hussy put a spark back in Edie's body, but she would need a lot more than that to deal with Susan. Rising off the mat, Edie took one more charge at Susan but the black-haired sexpot beat her to the punch. Before Edie's black gloves could snap forward, Susan's red gloves greeted the blonde with a left and right to the cheek that rattled her head and caused her hair to drop out of the bun and fall down to her shoulders as her tiara tilted to the left..

Edie tried to retaliate with a left and right of her own, but Susan blocked the punches with her forearms and snapped off a jab that sent Edie backwards and then a hook to the velvet-clad ribs that sent her flying into a corner.

Her side throbbing in pain from the punch, Edie tried to escape from the corner but it was hopeless.

"Going somewhere?" Susan said with glee. Then she went to work on Edie in a furious fashion. The two women in red velvet were inches apart as a flurry of arms moved like the blades of a fan. The Santa in the red stocking hit her foe in the white tights so frequently the poor victim didn't even have a chance to react. As skilled as Edie may have been, she could not defend from the onslaught of punches. She felt the red leather gloves cave in her nose, then her breasts, then stomach, then her eye, then her ribs. No sooner would Edie protect one area of her aching body than Susan would plaster another. Drained from the ordeal, Edie's arms finally gave up trying move at the same speed as Susan's and they fell limply to her side. A few more punches to the face, chest and then stomach left her bent over with her arm hanging down.

"Oh my!" Mike shouted as he gazed at Edie. The blonde was a mess. Her matted hair looked like a dirty mop. Her Santa suit was torn. She had a shiner on one eye and a swollen lip. Pieces of her white fur trim, ripped off by Susan's punches, floated in the air around her.

"Nice hair, girlie," Susan said to her pulverized foe. Seeing Edie in that condition broke the spell that the blonde had over Mike. His feelings for Susan were coming back like a tidal wave, especially since his Sweet Susan was now Savage Sue the ultimate fighting woman. Despite his infatuation earlier with Edie's skills and body, seeing Susan in such a sexy outfit and fighting with unrivaled fury was his dream come true.

As Susan stood back and admired what she had done, she began to fully realize the power of spinach.

Meanwhile, Edie was shaking her head furiously trying to regain her senses.

When her fuzzy vision finally cleared, she screamed in horror.

"What have you done to me?" Edie said, wiping drops of blood from her lips."

"Dah, I out-boxed you bitch," Susan said.

"No one outboxes ME!" Edie said in a high-pitched voice. "I'm the Boxing Queen!"

"Says who," Susan shot back. "These fists say I'm the best now."

Gritting her teeth, Edie took a run at Susan. "I'll teach you," the blonde said as she missed with a right to the swiftly moving brunette's head.

"On behalf of Carol and Tae Bo students all over the world, I'll teach you what you are!" Susan retorted. "You are…" she said as she belted the blonde in the ribs twice and put more rips in her tattered Santa suit. Edie responded with a left, but Susan blocked it. "…a weak, slutty H…" Susan said, planting a right jab into Edie's left tit.

"Aaagh!" Edie cried, then tried firing a right cross that Susan brushed away.

"…U…" Susan said, hitting Edie with a cross to the right tit.

"Ow!" Edie moaned as she backpedaled on her high heels toward the ropes and raised her gloves to protect her chest and face.

"…S…" Susan said, hooking a left to Edie's ribs. "…S…" she added, digging a right hook into Edie's sore ribs.

"Aaaa, ooooh!," Edie said, dropping her guard.

"…Y . . . Hussy . . . who can't box," Susan said, cocking her fist back and hitting her hated foe with a hard right to the mouth that sent Edie down to the canvas and left little pieces of white ivory sprinkled around her.

"That's Tae Bo, baby!" Susan said while flexing her biceps triumphantly. Then, noticing the little white chunks on the mat, she gazed over at Edie as she breathed heavily through an open mouth and grabbed onto the ring ropes to slowly pick herself up. Susan smiled as she noticed that Edie's perfectly straight teeth now looked like a picket fence.

"Caps!" Susan said. "I should have known a complete fake like you would have capped teeth."

"Way to go, Susan," Mike shouted.

Susan immediately turned around and gushed like a little girl. She knew she was winning back her man. "Oh, Mike," Susan said. "I am so glad to hear that."

So was Edie. Susan's joy at having Mike back in her corner caused her to completely forget the fight wasn't over. There was still some life in Edie's battered and she wasn't about to let another woman, especially one she hated like Susan, get the better of her. The blonde snuck up on Susan and belted her in the back of head with a clubbing right hand. The sadistic grin returned to the evil blonde's puffy face as Susan reeled sideways from the blow. Edie stalked her like a hunter with a wounded animal and hit Susan another clubbing blow! Susan almost went down, staggering away sideways. Two more blows, each more powerful. Edie could sense Susan was weakening and the last one knocked the brunette down, sending Susan sprawling facedown on the canvas.

"Yeah!" Edie screamed as she stepped across Susan’s body, turned and started thumping her chest with her fists. "Who's the champ, huh?"

"I am!" said Susan with a snarl as he jumped up to her feet in an instant and took long purposeful strides with her dazzling legs toward the rival Santa. "You miserable little cunt," she continued. "How dare you interrupt me when I’m talking to my boyfriend. You are so dead."

Edie cut the distance between the two women in half, believing she had regained the upper hand. "You're the one who's going to be put through the wall," Edie yelled at her foe.

As the two women rapidly approached each other, they both wanted nothing but an opportunity to settle this rivalry once and for all. Their hatred of each was now at epic levels and both were sure they could finish the other off. Each had snarled, raised lips and were fiercely grinding their teeth as they leaped at each other, beginning an incredibly frenzied sequence of action. They tore into each other with so many wild punches from close range at such a furious rate that they melded into a blur.

Mike couldn't tell who was getting the better of whom. But he could hear noises that told him an incredible war was being fought. First he heard two different sounds. One sounded like the shrill war cry of an alley cat. The other was a deeper growl, sounding as if it came an angry lioness. Two she-cats were tearing into each other. That was certain. Then he heard punches land at such an incredibly fast pace that it was clear both women were landing blows.

Wham . . . bam . .. thid . . thump . . . thump .. . crack!

Occiasional, he could make out the voices of the two arch-enemies.

"I'll bet THAT hurt, skinny," Edie said.

"Eat some fist, hussy," Susan said.

The battle went for more than a minute before one of the cat-like sounds faded away. In its place came the unmistakable moans of pain and suffering.

"Meooow ... Oow . . . ow ... Grrr .... ouch ... ow."

The sounds of leather exploding against feminine skin were cut in half and only the shrill sound of the cat remained. One woman had overwhelmed the other. She was doing all the punching and hissing. But which one? The answer came about 10 seconds later after a particularly loud scream from the cat and then even louder THUD from someone's gloves. All of a sudden out of the blur of bodies emerged . . . Susan!

Looking up at the red tights was Mike's first signal of which Santa had won the vicious Yule time war. Edie was still spinning like a tornado as Susan turned away from her and looked at Mike. Her hair was slightly mused this time, covering her face. But when she pushed away the raven-colored hair, it showed a radiant face with barely a blemish. Maybe there was a slight puffiness under her left eye, but that was it.

"Susan, what happened?" Mike said.

"I guess I showed her I'm a pretty good cat ... fighter," Susan said with a giggle as she turned toward her foe and put her hand down on Edie's head, bringing the so called Boxing Queen’s spinning to an abrupt halt.

"Damn that spinach's good," Mary said to Julie as they spied on the brawl from the auxiliary gym.

"You go, mom!" Julie said.

"Unbelievable!" Mike shouted.

Yes, it was unbelievable what Susan had done to Edie. Her hair was worse than ever and there were a couple of bald spots in her scalp. Her decimated outfit, which was skimpy at the start of the brawl, was ripped and reduced to little more than a couple of cocktail napkins. Both of her eyes were swollen and welts were visible on nearly every inch of her body from her waist to her forehead. Susan pulled her hand away from the blonde's head and she folded in half like she was touching her toes. But Edie's gloves were no longer moving; they just hung down limp at her sides.

"Oow . . . ow . . . I give, Susan . . . My whole body hurts so much . . . I give up . . please," the beaten blonde whined.

Susan then put her right glove under Edie's battered jaw and lifted her head. "Will you look at those," Susan said. Edie's eyes rolled downward where she saw what was causing so much pain in her chest where Susan's punches had destroyed Edie's tits, rupturing the silicone and deflating them back to their pre-op 32 - a very black and blue 32 at that.

"My tits," Edie moaned. "What . . did you . . . do to my tits?"

"I returned them to their normal size. I knew they weren't real, unlike mine which are all natural," Susan said. "Everything about you is fake, hussy. I'll bet you're a redhead, too."

"Ow . . . ow...," Edie wailed.

"You couldn't tell by the way this beaten bitch looks, but she's actually not a bad fighter," Susan said to Mike, pointing her glove at the whipped blonde. "She probably hit me about 20 times in our last go-round. Unfortunately, for her I hit her about 20 times for each one of those punches."

"Wow," Mike mouthed slowly, picturing the sexy one-sided barrage in his mind. "400 to 20! I'm pretty sure you won on points."

"Probably, but I like to win by KO," Susan replied. She was standing tall with an electric smile and her muscles flexed in triumph as she re-directed her attention at the blonde bully. "Excuse me, hussy," Susan said, talking down to her rival. "I may not remember it but a little birdie told me you planed to plant that right leg on my fanny to count me out. Now that wasn't very nice. I guess Susan Claus will have to punish that naughty leg. Hmm. Now how should I do it. Well, I did learn how to kick in tae bo class, too. Like so . . ."

Susan powerful legs then shot out like red bolts of lighting, her high heels digging into Edie's white tights and instantly ripping them. After decimating Edie's right leg, she turned her attention to the left. "Wouldn't want that one to feel left out," she said playfully.

Susan then proceeded to tear apart the tights on Edie's left leg with another spectacular series of kicks. Unable to stand after having her legs battered, Edie began to sag forward. That gave Susan the opportunity to deliver a snap kick to Edie's jaw that lifted the blonde into the air and deposited her on the ropes chest-first where she landed hung over them with her head out the ring. Moving gracefully, Susan ran over, grabbed the top rope and jumped over it, landing on the apron alongside where Edie hung.

"I give . . I give," Edie pleaded.

"Don't worry, hussy, we're almost done," Susan said, hitting Edie's exposed jaw with an uppercut that sent her flying end over end into the air. The blow also knocked the tiara off the blonde's head and sent it flying straight up into the air. It came down and landed on Susan's head as Mike cheered wildly. Susan bowed toward Mike and then turned and watched Edie land on her back in the middle of the ring with a sickening thud. The blonde's head rose off the canvas for a couple of seconds, then her eyes rolled up and her head fell back to the canvas. Edie was out cold!

Proud as could be and with the tiara on her head glistening in the lights above, Susan triumphantly walked over to her beaten opponent and planted her foot on Edie's flattened chest.

"Count this hussy out, will you, honey," Susan said to Mike.

"Anything you want, champ," a deliriously happy Mike shouted back.

"1 . . 2. . . 3 . . . 4 . . 5 . . .6 . . . 7 . . . 8 . . 9." As soon as he shouted 10, Mike charged into the ring and put Susan in a bear hug. "Susan that was incredible. You were magnificent," Mike said. "Let's head back to my place. Right now!"

"Oh, Mike, you'll just have to keep it in your pants just a wee bit longer. What kind of visitor would I be if I left such a mess in the ring for them to clean. Give me a second to straighten up things." Susan walked back to the comatose Edie, yanked her up by her hair and began slapping her in the face to bring her back to a state of a semi-consciousness. "Just a reminder, hussy. Mike's mine," Susan whispered in her ear. "If I catch you even glancing at him I might have to refresh you on what happens when someone tries to steal my man. It goes something like THIS..."

She belted the helpless blonde in the jaw with a monstrous uppercut that lifted her off her feet and sent her flying into the air. After spinning in mid-air a few items, the defeated and near naked warrior's butt landed and became stuck in the chimney of the house in the Christmas scene. Her legs in the shredded pantyhose and her black and blue arms dangled out as her butt became wedged in the chimney. Her tits sagged as if they were filled with jelly. Susan was filled with supreme satisfaction as she watched Edie's head tilt to the left and her blackened eyes roll closed for what would be a lengthy nap.

Mike again ran toward Susan, but he came to an abrupt halt when Susan reached down and lightly pinched his penis with her glove.

"Now, Michael, dear," she said. "I guess I don't mind beating up bitches like her if that's what turns you on, and I know there's certain commitments you might have to honor in these cat spats, but if I ever catch you rooting for the other woman again, you know what I'm going to have to do?"

"I do, I do," he said as the pain in his penis was slowly growing. "You're the only one for me. Honestly, Susan."

"Good boy!" she said, letting go of his manhood. She then threw her arms around Mike as he wrapped his arms around her pristine red velvet suit. "Hmmmmm. Susan Claus likes the sound of 'I do' from you.'"

Seconds later, the doors of the gym burst open and Susan and Mike walked out arm in arm with Julie and Mary behind them carrying the camera so the lovebirds could relive Susan's victory. The women in the lobby all turned to look at them and gasped when they saw Edie's crown on Susan's head.

"Hey that's Edie's tiara," the blonde behind the front desk gasped.

"Be advised ladies, there's a new 'Boxing Queen' in town and she has a different address on Wisteria Lane...MY address!" Susan said with authority. "Any objections, blondie?" she said to the woman. The room was silent. "Didn't think so!" Susan snarled. Then she tuned to gaze into Mike's eyes and purred, "Time to head home, honey. You look a little desperate for some sex with this housewife."

"You bet I am, Susan," he said, "You damn sure bet I am."

Coming up next: Susan faces Bree Van De Camp