Hilary Duff vs. Christina Aguilera (followed by Liindsay Lohan) by Bob

The phone rang and Christina Aguilera quickly answered it, "Hello?"

"Christina, it's Madonna."

"So, did you get me the fight with Jessica Simpson?" Christina asked.

"Not exactly, but the fight I did get for you will be even better," Madonna replied.

"Don't tell me Pink finally agreed to fight me?" Christina said.

"No, she won't fight you, there are too many ranked ahead of you. You're going to have to move up before she'll fight you."

"The rankings are a joke. I could easily beat most of the fighters that are ranked ahead of me. A lot of the cats are pussies. So who am I fighting?"

"Christina, hear me out before you get angry," Madonna pleaded.

"Why do I think I'm going to get pissed off?"

"When I explain the deal you won't get pissed off. You'll know I've done you well. Trust me," Madonna said.

"Mo, I'm already getting pissed and I don't know who I'm fighting," Christina angrily said.

"I got you a fight with Hilary Duff!" Madonna replied.

"Why the hell would I want to fight her?"

"Because she's on the way up and you can stop her ascent."

"No offense, but this is a fight in which there's nothing in it for me. Beating her doesn't move me up in the rankings. I'm seventh in the 'under 25 singers' ratings and I should be #1. I told you I wanted to pick them off in reverse order until I'm number 1. You were going to get me Jessica Simpson, then Britney. After I kicked Britney's sorry ass, you were going to get me Jewel, Little Kim, Beyoncé, and then Pink. Fighting Hilary Duff doesn't help me move up."

"Believe it or not, she's moved into 8th. Beating her sends a message to the rest."

"And what type of message does it send? The bitch is barely 18. Beating her doesn't send a message."

"She can fight and she's beating the hell out of people. She gave Avril a worse beating than Pink did. You give her a major beating and you can jump past some of fighters ranked higher than you."

"Yeah, but I want to fight Jessica and Britney. I hate both those sleazes and want to give both of them a beating they won't forget."

"Fight them after you deal with Pink."

"Mo, you've been a great friend and have helped me out more than anyone I know. But I don't see this fight helping me in any freakin' way."

"Suppose I tell you her father offered us $10,000 to fight her?"

"I'd say bring the little slut on," Christina laughed.

Madonna replied, "But there are three stipulations."

"As long as I'm not tied up or handicapped in some way, I don't care how many stipulations there are. So, what are the three stipulations?"

"First, you only get the money if you beat her."

"That shouldn't be a problem. We both know I'm the best. What's next?

"Second is you both wear bra, panties and stiletto heels."

Christina laughed and said, "Her father sounds like a real piece of work. My father would never set something like this up."

"I think her old man is pretty cool," Madonna said. "My father would have grounded me for life if I so much as got in a fight when I was in my teens."

"All right," Christina said. "Stipulation two is cool, what's the last one?"

"He wants to have sex with you if you win."

After a minute of silence, Christina finally said, "NO WAY! The fight is off."

Madonna laughed and said, "Just kidding! He wants a film crew to tape the fight."

"Fight's back on. Why the hell does he want to film Hilary fighting?"

"I don't know, maybe he gets his rocks off watching his daughters fight. Or maybe her sister wants to study the tape for when it's her turn?"

"Well, he's going to get his rocks off seeing his daughter get her ass kicked."

"Fight's tomorrow at 1:00; in the field where you usually fight."

"I'm fighting in bra and panties in a field? Am I going to get arrested?"

Madonna laughed and said, "I knew you'd agree to fight and already took care of the police. You don't have anything to worry about."

"I'll be there," Christina said. "Looks like I have home field advantage."

"Just don't get too cocky Christina. I've seen the kid fight and she's tough. I think the two of you might be the two toughest fighters in your division."

"I'm ready and I won't take her lightly. But I'm going to give her a beating."

"That's what I want to hear. And I'll be there for you."

"See you tomorrow, Mo. Thanks for getting me the fight."

"You're welcome. And remember, give her a big time beating and I might be able to persuade Pink to give you the next chance. Then you can fight anyone you want."

"Mo, you're the greatest. I'll see you tomorrow." Christina then hung up the phone and started preparing for the fight.

Christina arrived at the field where the fight was supposed to take place and was surprised to see a large crowd. Even more surprising was when Christina noticed some of the spectators. Among the spectators were Britney Spears, Pink, and Beyoncé Knowles. There were also reporters and photographers from several of the major tabloids.

The muscular singer, whose hair was still dyed black, look at her young opponent and arrogantly said, "Quite a three-ring circus you've assembled."

The young blonde, who was every bit as muscular as her older and sexier opponent, confidently said, "That's right and they're all here to watch me give you a beating. It was easy to get the paparazzi. You're not very well liked."

The cocky black-haired beauty laughed and said, "Too bad, they're going to be disappointed. So, you want to fight in bra and panties. When did a clean cut kid like you become a tart?"

"It's not the clothes that make the tart, it's the actions."

"Are you calling me a whore?" the enraged black-haired beauty asked.

"Take that statement anyway you like it, Girlie," the bold young blonde answered.

Christina was furious. "All right, you little shit, let's get the show on the road. Strip down to your bra and panties, or are you wearing two band-aids?"

Hilary chuckled as she began to peel off her tank top and short skirt. Despite her laugh, it was obvious to most that the black-haired singer had scored big with her cutting remark and the young up and coming star was deeply hurt. She muttered to herself, "She'll pay for that comment."

Christina quickly stripped down and said to opponent, "Check out what a real woman looks like."

The blonde shook her head and said, "I'm not interested in women. And if I was I'd want Britney before I'd even think about you."

The young blonde had scored big time. The irate black-haired singer stared at her foe and asked, "What did you just say?"

Realizing she had gotten the best of her foe, the young blonde laughed obnoxiously and said, "You heard me."

That the black-haired sexpot's eyes opened widely and she turned beet red. "That's it; I'm going to tear you in half."

She charged the young blonde. Taken by surprise, Hilary tried to sidestep the charging diva but her effort was to no avail and Christina caught her by her blonde hair and threw her down. Landing on her side, Hilary tried to roll so she could get up but Christina was on her like flies on rice. Grabbing the perky young blonde's hair, Christina drove a hard right hand to the side of Hilary's head and her whole body began to shake.

"What's the matter little girl, not used to an opponent who knows how to fight?" Christina chuckled.

"You attacked me before I was ready. This is supposed to be a bra and panties fight. I haven't got my t-shirt or dress off yet," Hilary whined.

Christina laughed and said, "You've got a lot to learn before you move into the big time. Rules are for fools. But, since I should have waited for you to remove your outer garments, I'll be glad to help you!" The black-haired dynamo let go of Hilary's hair and ripped off the young blonde's top, then she tore off Hilary's bra.

"HEY!" Hilary protested. "You aren't supposed to rip off my bra!"

"Forgive me; next time I'll learn the rules," Christina mocked. "Oh wait, I forgot, you still have your skirt on.” She reached down and ripped the young blonde's skirt off. Not content with her accomplishments, Christina then ripped away the blonde's panties too. "Oh wow, what was I thinking," Christina purred. "I was supposed to leave the panties on. Shame on me!"

Hilary was now furious. She struggled to get free, maneuvering so that her legs were between her and her opponent. She then used her muscular legs to throw the stunned black-haired beauty off. Hilary then rolled so that she was on her stomach, reached out and grabbed Christina's black hair with her left hand. With catlike reflexes, the young blonde landed a hard right to Christina's breasts. The tiny black-haired singer screamed from the pain of Hilary's surprisingly hard punch. Before Christina could move so that she could fight back, Hilary landed another hard right, this one landing hard on the black-haired singer's nose. Sensing that Christina was stunned, the blonde grabbed her opponent's hair with both hands. She then adjusted her position so that she was sitting. Still holding her opponent's hair, the blonde swung her right leg, smashing Christina's face and chest. Christina's body began to quiver.

"Finish her off!" someone yelled.

Sensing victory, the young blonde easily mounted her foe, sitting high on Christina's stomach, then leaned forward until her tits covered Christina's face. Christina began to kick furiously trying to free herself but as she kicked, the dominant blonde grabbed her arms, pinning them down.

"Keep kicking! This fight is over. I'll smother you 'til you're out."

Seeing her friend on the verge of defeat, Madonna walked toward the two combatants but Beyoncé stepped in front of Madonna and said, "No interference; that would be cheating."

"I just want to give Christina some encouragement," she said. "I'm not gonna interfere."

"Better offer her words of encouragement quickly," Beyonce snorted. "She'll probably be out in another minute."

Madonna knelt beside her friend and shouted, "Come on 'Tina, you're tough, use your legs to throw her off." However, as Christina continued to struggle without gaining any advantage, Madonna started shouting, "You're blowing it 'Tina. You lose and we're both screwed. Scratch and claw her."

At that point Beyoncé bent over and put her hand on Madonna's shoulder, telling her, "I think it's time for you to back off and let 'em fight."

Madonna looked at the young singer and thought about pushing her away but decided it wouldn't be a good idea. Madonna slowly got up and dejectedly walked back to where she had been standing.

Christina was clearly in control. Hilary wasn't fighting back as vigorously as she was when the blonde first mounted her. The blonde determined it was time to make her move. She quickly moved up on her prey, making sure that her knee hit Christina's nose. The tough blonde then turned, making sure that she again kneed her foe in the face.

Now sitting on the black-haired singer's face, Hilary meticulously went to work. First she dug the nails of all ten fingers into Christina's mid-section. Once again the blonde started kicking for several seconds. Hilary continued to dig her nails into Christina's mid-section. Despite the fact that she was having little trouble taking the black-haired singer apart, she was amazed at the punishment her opponent was taking. Did the ditzy black-haired singer think she had a chance of winning?

The blonde removed her nails from her opponent's mid-section. Still sitting on Christina's face, Hilary began to wiggle from side to side. In addition to destroying the hated black-haired diva, Hilary was paying back her foe for stripping her and it was just a matter of time before the blonde returned the favor. Then, much to everyone's surprise, Hilary stopped wiggling and got off her beaten foe.

"What are you doing?" cried Britney Spears. "Finish her off!" But Hilary looked at the blonde-haired beauty and winked assuredly, then put her left stiletto-heel on Christina's large, round breasts and pressed down. Britney turned to Beyoncé and grinned, "That kid can fight - and she has a mean streak. One day soon, we may have to fight her!"

Beyoncé smiled, "I'll worry about her when the time comes. Right now I'm just going to enjoy this."

The young blonde continued to push down hard, flattening Christina's massive chest. Much to her surprise, Christina suddenly lifted her legs, trying to kick Hilary in her stomach. Despite being caught by surprise, the young blonde was able to block Christina's effort and grab the black-haired star's legs. Holding Christina's ankles apart, the blonde tigress stomped her foot into Christina's groin.

Despite the punishment Christina had taken she was still conscious enought to weakly gasp, "Enuf! I give…you win."

Again Hilary posed with her foot on Christina's chest, but this time in a victory pose. Flexing her muscles, she looked down at the fallen black-haired singer and said, "I owe you something. You stripped me and I can't anyone get away with that!"

Hoping that Hilary would be reasonable, the beaten fighter sympathetically asked, "NO! Please…haven't you humiliated me enough?"

Hilary mockingly nodded and the beaten Christina thought she was going to be left alone. However, at the last second, Hilary grabbed Christina's bra, pulled it off and tossed it to her father. "A present for you daddy!" She smiled as she looked down at her opponent.

"Please, not my panties, please,” Christina whimpered. “I'll be your slave…I'll kiss your feet…just let me keep my panties."

Hilary started to reach for her panties, then stopped at the last second and said, "You're pathetic!" She looked over at Madonna and said, "Looks like your fighter lost. It's going to be awhile before she's taken seriously."

Madonna frowned and said, "She's down but she's not out. She'll be ready for a rematch in a month and I guarantee the results will be different."

"No offense, but a month won’t be long enough. She’s just not tough enough. She just lost to a teenager and you think she's going to beat some of the better fighters?"

Madonna put her hands on her hips and said, "What would you do if I told you I had another surprise for you?"

"Yeah? What surprise?"

Lindsay Lohan emerged from the crowd and facetiously said, "Hiya Hilly!"

Hilary smiled and said, "Don't tell me you think YOU can beat me?"

"I'll give you a worse beating than you gave Christina. I've been looking to kick your ass for a long time."

"You're just jealous because your ex-boyfriend likes me better."

"I guess it shows you what an ass he is. You asked your bouncers to throw me out of one of your parties. You should have done it yourself. But I guess you know I would've embarrassed you."

"Doubtful! So are you going to strip down or are you going to let me strip you?"

Lindsay laughed and said, "Why don't you TRY to strip me - if you think you're tough enough to do it."

"Oh I'll do it and I doubt I'll have much trouble."

"So come and get me Hilary," Lindsay challenged.

"Well, seeing as how you're not in heels, I'm going to take my heels off first."

The young blonde reached down and grabbed one of her heels. As she slipped it off, she threw it at her new foe, hitting her in the chest. She then quickly slipped off her other heel and threw it, hitting Lindsay in the face. Caught by surprise, Lindsay awkwardly stumbled backwards. When she regained her balance, Hilary was standing right next to her.

"I could've gotten you down, but I don't want you to tell people the only reason I beat you was because I caught you by surprise."

Surprised that Hilary had given her a chance, Lindsay decided to capitalize on Hilary's mistake. She immediately threw a right hand, which landed on Hilary's shoulder and then kicked Hilary in her left thigh. Much to her surprise, Hilary grabbed her hair, yanked her head forward and started throwing right hands to her face and the side of her face. After landing several hard punches, Hilary grabbed Lindsay's hair with both hands and started swinging her around. Lindsay screamed from the pain of being swung around and around by her hair.

After going around several times Hilary let her hated rival go. Lindsay fell to the ground. Hilary bounced on her foe's back, once again grabbing Lindsay's hair and yanking her head upwards so that she could punch her in the face. The younger blonde then landed a few more hard punches. When she stopped throwing punches she was surprised to see her hand covered with blood. She got off her foe and waited to see what Lindsay was going to do.

Lindsay didn't move for about thirty seconds. Finally she got to her knees. When Hilary looked at her foe's face she couldn’t believe what she saw; Lindsay's face was a mask of blood.

"So Lindsay, have you had enough?" Hilary asked.

Lindsay slowly stood up and said, "Fight's not over. A little blood won't stop me." She then charged at Hilary. Not expecting the game brunette to charge, Hilary was caught by surprise. The brunette landed a left-right combination to the perky blonde's breasts and followed with kicks to her thighs and shins. As the surprised blonde was forced to move backwards, the brunette grabbed her hair with her left hand and landed several punches to Hilary's face and breasts.

The blonde was now on the defensive and trying to get in a position to fight back. The brunette had become the aggressor, quickly turning the fight around and gaining the upper hand. Just as the large crowd had been cheering for the young blonde moments earlier, they had turned and were now cheering Lindsay with each punch and kick she landed. To the cheering mob, it appeared as the once dominant blonde would soon be reduced to a sobbing submissive victim.

As the brunette thought she had gained the advantage, she let go of Hilary's hair and started throwing punches with both hands. Free from Lindsay's grasp, the blonde started backing up trying to avoid the brunette's devastating attack. However, the brunette was on a mission. For her it was payback time and the defenseless young blonde was being paid back in full. As the brunette continued pummeling the defenseless blonde, her once alabaster skin had quickly turned light pink, then a light red and black and blue marks were mottling her face and breasts. What had looked like a one-sided victory moments earlier was suddenly looking like an ugly and embarrassing defeat.

Lindsay continued her onslaught until the devastated blonde fell backwards. The brunette maneuvered so that she was able to plop down on Hilary's battered and bruised breasts. Mockingly, Lindsay said, "I give up," and then laughed. "What did you say about stripping me? It doesn't look like that's going to happen today, babe."

Hilary closed her eyes when Lindsay started to throw a punch. However, she stopped just short of Hilary's bruised face. When the punch didn't land Hilary opened her eyes. Lindsay taunted her foe. "What's the matter Hilary? Why do you look so glum? Is it because you lost to a better woman?"

Suddenly Hilary bucked, freeing her hands. With her hands free, she quickly reached up, grabbed Lindsay's long hair and pulled it. She then arched her back and bucked furiously, pulling Lindsay off. Still holding Lindsay's hair she rolled, doing a backwards somersault and started kicking her foe's chest and face. Landing several hard kicks had now rendered Lindsay defenseless. However, Hilary wanted to even the score and continued kicking her opponent.

"You're not hurting me," Lindsay said.

"Maybe not," Hilary replied. "But you're not fighting back.

Still holding Lindsay's brown hair, Hilary easily maneuvered so that she was now sitting firmly on Lindsay's chest. Hilary bounced up and down, forcing the air out of her opponent's small breasts. After torturing her opponent for thirty seconds, Hilary shifted so that she was sitting on Lindsay's face. She quickly reached back and grabbed Lindsay's wrists. Now it was Lindsay's turn to start bucking desperately. "What did you say about me losing? You'll have to speak loudly if you're going to answer because my butt is going to make it hard to hear your muffled voice."

Once Lindsay stopped bucking, Hilary got up and stomped down on Lindsay's stomach. Lindsay groaned from the pain. Hilary looked at her opponent's face and noticed Lindsay's moist, red eyes. She then looked at a dejected Madonna and said, "She's crying." The blonde then stomped down on Lindsay's breasts. She then moved so that she got behind Lindsay. Kneeling quickly and then going down on one knee, she pulled down on Lindsay's brown hair. She gave the beaten brunette a hard slap and then stretched her body so that her chest covered Lindsay's face. Reaching across Lindsay's body, she grabbed the older and slightly taller brunette's ankles and pulled them so that Lindsay was forced to arch her back. She continued pulling on Lindsay's ankles, pulling them towards her. It wasn't long before she had bent Lindsay like a pretzel. She held her foe for about thirty seconds before letting go of the ankles. With a catlike quickness, Hilary then managed to grab Lindsay's jeans and rip them off. Looking at Madonna again, she smiled. Seeing the pained expression on Madonna's face was giving her a lot of pleasure.

"I think you backed the wrong fighters!"

She easily ripped Lindsay's panties off, then the blonde returned to the position she'd been in prior to smothering her hapless foe. Making sure her knee was on Lindsay's hair, the blonde wildcat forced Lindsay's panties into the barely conscious teen's mouth.

Pointing to Madonna, she said, "It won't be long before I do this to you!"

Madonna was tempted to go after the young blonde but realized that attacking a teenager during her fight could hurt her image. "I'll mark it in my appointment book," Madonna uttered with a flip of her blond hair.

Hilary decided it was time to finish the fight. Redirecting her attention to Lindsay, she ripped off Lindsay's blouse and bra. She tossed both to her father and said, "A trophy dad. This victory is even sweeter than beating the no-talent black-haired singer.

She got up and watched Lindsay for a minute or two to be sure the fight was really over but when Lindsay didn't get up, Hilary once again posed for the photographers.

Aside from being victorious over two of her biggest rivals, Hilary knew her stock as a fighter had risen dramatically despite her being 'just a teenager.' She also knew the other fighters would soon be calling her with offers to take them on and she vowed she'd remember how Madonna had tried to set her up and mocked her when she told her she'd come looking for her!