Simguy’s DVD Collection #18
Front of the Box: Large head shot of a somber Kaley Cuoco, framed in a pink gun-site and crosshairs - words in green military style block capitals read: BIG WEEK July 10-17, 2006
Back of the box: "BIG WEEK - the unprecedented, coordinated attack upon celebritydom's finest blondes by a consortium of brunettes and redheads in the summer of 2006 brought to a halt an almost unbroken stream of blonde victories throughout the first half of the year. In this groundbreaking DVD - a DVD in which the producers were themselves sworn to secrecy as the plot unfolded - you'll see the devastating effects of the brunette assault as blonde after blonde goes down to thrilling defeat!"

Special Features include:

BIG WEEK! Documentary on a separate disc - narrated by Catherine Bell, acknowledged brain behind the offensive. This comprehensive doc includes over one hour of interviews and match footage. "Big Week really came about as a result of Kristin Kreuk being hounded by not one or two blondes, but a whole host of girls who seemed committed to putting her out of wrestling all together," Cat explains. "When she started losing to them, they kept at her - even double-teaming her on occasion. Finally, she approached me for advice in April of 06. At about the same time, Kelly Hu had been beaten twice by Kaley Cuoco, and a lot of us felt the second time was totally unjustified on Cuoco's part. Now, I like Kaley,” Cat stressed, as if to excuse her own participation. “But she took liberties with Kelly and a lot of people just felt 'enough is enough'."
[NOTE: The documentary is divided into three parts: Background, Preparations, and Execution (see below)

Background: footage of Kristin Kreuk being hard-pressed in apartments, in boxing rings, and on beaches. You'll see highlight footage of Kreuk versus Kristen Bell, Sarah Carter, Hayden Panettiere, Claire Danes, Samaire Armstrong, Jessica Simpson, and others. Kreuk visibly worn down in the later matches, clearly no longer able to adequately defend herself as her opponents deliberately extend the matches to inflict maximum punishment. Rare footage of Kreuk sadly quitting against Sarah Carter in a brutal go-go dancer's cage match at Club Fuel. Footage of Kaley Cuoco's stirring upset over Kelly Hu the first time around, then the more decisive bullying in the second bout. Other highlights see Charlize Theron, Allison Mack, Jeri Ryan, Katherine Heigl, Jaime Pressly, Jessica Alba, Brittany Daniel, Jessica Biel and others romping to victory over startled and discouraged brunette competition.

Preparations: Cat Bell takes you over the large-scale planning for BIG WEEK. First, the covert financing of the bouts, made to look like naturally occuring promotions, but actually largely financed by the brunettes themselves. The early 'softening' bouts that paved the way for BIG WEEK - often carried out by sturdy redheads, or semi-retired brunettes on key blonde strongwomen. The cunning travel arrangements - with brunettes already waiting in place while blondes are forced to take long flights to destinations in the Bahamas, Australia and Hawaii - often whisked via limo from the plane directly to the battle-carpet! And the individual strategies - how brunettes worked together to share information and prepare comprehensive fight plans against their unwitting opponents (lots of good, gloating interview footage here). Details of how blondes were duped into taking tough matches on short notice (ie: matches between brunettes were booked months in advance, but during BIG WEEK, one combatant would pull out - citing a variety of fake excuses - conveniently creating a lucrative vacancy for recently beaten blondes. In this way, shopworn fighters were induced to fight two, even three bouts in a week.)

Execution: Some match footage (emphasis on finishes and postfights) and statistical breakdown of results. In a seven day period in July 2006, over 37 'big name' blondes went down to defeat - some suffering multiple losses in well-timed follow-up attacks. Many beaten blondes were subsequently called out for premeditated mop-up fights - or simply Pearl Harbored as they lay suntanning or otherwise recovering from previous beatings. Brunette claims are as follows:
7 'A' level blondes (including Charlize, Scarlett Johannson, Cameron Diaz, et. Al.) handed a total of 15 beatings;
22 'A and B' class blondes defeated a total of 27 times;
and finally, 8 ‘all-purpose’ blondes (soap opera stars, cougars, etc) trounced 14 times.
Total brunette losses were estimated as “around 11-15” (almost all were later avenged in-week).
Go-Go Cage Match: Sarah Carter vs Kristin Kreuk (from the documentary disk)

Girls battling in western-motif, suede bikinis - tan for Sarah, white for Kris; in a go-go cage suspended above dance floor at a swanky LA Club. Cage has circular floor - slightly more volume than a telephone booth - with slender gold bars rising to a point; cross bars every two feet up from the floor; small single-seat bird swing overtop the girls' heads.

Scene 1: Typical action - Kreuk's back to the bars, her torso hunched forward - Sarah pressing in close; sweaty heads in tight together, elbows in tight to bodies, hands gripping at opposing wrists as each struggles to hold and hit in tight. Sarah alternating her head on either Kreuk shoulder - blonde fitting her fist into quivering brunette tummy or rib. Girls breathing hot through parted lips - Kreuk answering back with the same tucking, wedging body punches. Sarah's the aggressor - occasionally freeing up an arm to deliver a bright, cracking forearm smash against Krissy's arms - blonde always pushing her slender weight into Kris to help smother Kreuk's responses.

Scene 2: Later in the action - Kreuk shopworn, breaking down - Carter opening up considerably. Here Sarah reaches both hands above Kris to grab a crossbar, then Carter's lifting her knees/thighs up into Kreuk's body. Methodical, smacking work - left leg, right leg, left leg, right leg - jarring impacts shaking Kristin's little chassis as she stands up against the bars. Kreuk blubbering, tears standing in her eyes - she's hugging her body, accepting Sarah's thighs against her flanks. Sarah's cheeks flushed, eyes bright, tummy and chest in close to Kris - Carter's happily going at it, staying focused, using her legs to break Krissy down.

Scene 3: Sarah staying on Krissy's body - here's the point at which the fight is truly beaten out of Kreuk. Sarah with her hands open wide, goes at Krissy's torso with stamping, open-palm heel-thrusts. Both hands moist, spanking into ribs, breasts - Krissy making pathetic glugging noises - Carter's face tight with concentration as she plows away. Kreuk hugs her ribs, sobbing - she just doesn't want any more Sarah at this point. Carter forced to pull Kristin's arms away to expose body throughout this workmanlike sequence.

Scene 4: Sarah at play - just toying with Kris now. Sarah's hanging off the bird-swing, smiling as her legs coil around Krissy's neck. Poor Kreuk! Kristin blubbering - her hands pulling at the toned muscle of Sarah's hard thighs - little brunette just standing there, suffering as blonde writhes, flexes, and grips her legs. Sarah alternating between a straight legged scissor (legs outstretched) and a curling triangle grip with her right leg looped over her left foot, holding Kreuk's head in the crook of the left inner-knee. Kreuk miserable throughout the punishment - clawing and sobbing, punching up into toned blonde buttock - all to no avail.

Scene 5: Sarah hanging off the bird swing, grinning and taunting Kris - blonde extends her shapely legs, her feet pushing into Krissy's shoulders and pinning her to the cage bars. Kreuk helpless, shuddering with tears - she just wants out of there. Sarah has some fun - her left foot holding Kris down at Kreuk's right shoulder - Sarah pinches Kreuk's nose shut with the toes of the right foot. With no referee to exert authority, the beaten Kreuk suffers beyond reason. It was this bout more than any other individual instance that led to the massive repraisal called “BIG WEEK.”
Also from the Documentary disc...

Scene 10:
Angelica Bridges softens up Jenny O'Dell prior to BIG WEEK. (Hawaii, Jenny in her famous baby blue bikini, Angelica in green crochet bikini, high noon at the beach.) Jenny's striding through clear green, thigh-high water - she's ragged, trying to rally, face frowning in hurt. In behind her, Angelica's walking Jenny down through the water, lips curled back, eyes blazing. When Bridges closes, she jumps up onto Jenny's back, wrapping up O'Dell's head and twisting her awkwardly down into the water.

Scene 12: (Angelica vs Jenny cont.) Girls have brawled out of the water onto the surfline - Bridges on top of Jenny - Jenny on her back. O'Dell whining, gulping and bucking her hips in hopes of dislodging redhead - Angi with a grip on either O'Dell wrist, riding her bucking blonde. Jenny struggling for all she's worth - shining, tanned legs thrashing, feet pushing into hard-packed mud: Angi's knees dimpling the same dense turf, lips set in a grim line, hair clamped in wet tangles to her face and breasts. Jenny clearly tiring from her own efforts - Angelica doing a tremendous job of making O'Dell spend energy in sinuous, straining action.

Scene 13: (Angi/Jenny cont.) Sun beats down on tanned, sea-soaked bodies, reflecting white off shoulders, thighs, noses. Bridges continues to mount Jenny at the surfline, and here she grapevines her blonde, threading her legs outside Jenny's, coiling the feet back in around Jenny's shins to spread the blonde's legs and render her helpless. Groan of frustration from Jenny - her face clamped tight, teeth bared, chin up as she strains: Angi's got her. Bridges working hard, still has Jenny by both her wrists - red head now goes to work with brutal, thudding, moist headbutts against her girl's proud chest! O'Dell shouting in shock - Angi just dropping her noggin onto helpless breast and upperchest - not a lot of leverage on these shots but there's nothing Jenny can do about it. After several pounding butts, Angi pushes up on Jenny to breathe hot-n'-happy into her blonde's face - O'Dell turning her head to the side, eyes shut tight, trembling in impotent rage underneath her tormentress.

Scene 15: (Angi/Jenny cont.) Jenny's belly-down on the sand, propped up on her elbows. Angelica's sitting in Jenny's back, facing blonde feet, and Bridges is going at Jenny's kidneys with open-palm heel strikes. Jenny with her head turned to her left, mouth open in shock - she's bleating in protest as Angelica stamps down with the flat of her hands moist against shiny, unprotected back. Boom mic picks up the wet SMEK! SMEK! SMEK! of these terrible blows - official in bermuda shorts and hawaiian shirt rushes in to pull Angelica off. Jenny trembling on her belly, still propped up on elbows - numb from the waist down - she's just crying, unable to rise as Angi is hauled away kicking and writhing. Bridges disqualified of course - absolutely illegal to go at a girl's lower back with palm-heels - but the damage has been done. It's one day before BIG WEEK and Jenny's hurt.

Also from the Documentary - softening up bout between Angelica Bridges and Kaley Cuoco. Kaley in pink crochet bikini; Angelica in pale green push up bra and panties (dark evergreen straps); Apartment action. Bridges would prove to be one of the most willing and able agents available to the brunettes - participating in several softening engagements.

Scene 18: Kaley getting body punched. Cuoco all cramped up, standing near the wall, her lips parted, eyes closed, eyebrows high as she barks in pain - her right arm rides loosely around Angi's shoulders as Bridges works. Angelica's tongue pink between her lips, her left arm snug around behind Kaley's waist - right hand plugging in tight and firm to Kaley's flat, tanned belly. Shoving work - Angelica very methodical with Cuoco, making sure every thrust has mustard on it. Poor Kaley's just frozen with gut-hurt, grunting in protest but too stunned to mount an effective counter. Angelica was under strict orders to attack Kaley's body relentlessly in this bout - Cuoco would not recover fully in time for her BIG WEEK challengers.
From BIG WEEK match disc:
Kelly Hu vs Kaley Cuoco
in Hawaii. Hu in red/white Hawaiian print bikini top, blue tie-dyed bottoms, golden brown body perfectly smooth and supple for this bout. Cuoco in pink crochet bikini, still showing rib-bruises from her defeat at the fists of Angelica Bridges.

Scene 5: Kelly headscissors Kaley. Kelly on her left hip (facing camera) smiling happily, propping herself on her left hand as her legs thread in over Kaley's right shoulder and under Kaley's left armpit, trapping Cuoco's left arm inside the hold. Kaley facing camera, frowning - legs bicycling absently on carpet as Hu holds her tight. Kaley occasionally grabs at Kelly's top (right) leg, clutching it up in both arms; Hu uses her free right hand to pull at Kaley's grip, hand wrestling with Cuoco while Asian legs grind away. Long, draining sequence - Kaley attempting to roll to either side - she finally escapes, but Hu's put tremendous mileage on Cuoco in the process.

Scene 8: (Cuoco-Hu cont.) Girls standing up - Kaley looking shopworn, hair disheveled, face cranky - Hu comparitively upbeat and taking the fight to Cuoco. Hu's got a hold of Kaley's right hand: Kelly steps inside and turns, backing into Kaley's body while pulling/twisting Cuoco's right arm over Asian left shoulder. Grinning, Hu rams her left elbow back into Cuoco's sternum - shout of pain from groggy Kaley as she sponges the shot, cramping up in shock. Kelly sweeps her left leg back back between Kaley's legs - hamstring compressing Kaley's crotch while the heel of brunette foot curls up and kicks Kaley in the buttocks. Bleat of pain, Kaley as she sinks to all fours - Kelly simply stepping forward and tossing her hair off her shoulders, beaming in exultation. She struts around hands on hips, taking a moment to look quivering Kaley over before going at her fresh.

Scene 12: Cuoco's had her moments, but here she lies beaten on her back, totally spent. Kelly smug, hair damp from exertion - she flops across Kaley's body to face into the camera. Cuoco's arms at her sides are trapped - her head lolls sadly side to side, eyes shut tight, blonde groaning moist in defeat. Hu fumbles with her right hand at Kaley's left leg, finally securing and lifting it up: Kelly records a comprehensive 3 count pinfall over Kaley Cuoco to open BIG WEEK.

Navi Rawat vs Kaley Cuoco. As revealed in the Documentary Disk, Kaley was duped into taking the fight the day after falling to Kelly Hu - when Navi's listed opponent (Lindsay Price) pulled out claiming a fake knee injury, opening a slot for Kaley to redeem herself. Navi in black push up, yellow bikini bottoms; Kaley in pink crochet bikini.

Scene 13: Back to the body - Navi following Angelica's and Kelly's lead, takes the fight to Cuoco's toned, but aching midriff. Tuff, pumping right hands - poor Kaley all stiff and cramped up, her back to the wall - Navi methodically leaning in close (right cheek against Kaley's right shoulder; Navi's left hand securing Kaley's right bicep) Navi stuffing the fist home, then taking a moment to shove Kaley upright and sort her out. Cuoco badly reduced in a punching sequence that goes on much longer than normal - Kaley obviously not at her best early in this fight.

Scene 14: The strength of Navi Rawat. Grinning Rawat - black hair tangled across her face, down her chest - puts together a series of gut-wrench throws - tossing poor Kaley all around the room in ragdoll fashion. Navi huddling in close behind Kaley, cinching her up tight, then popping her hips and twisting - Cuoco mouth open, eyes wide as she's catapulted against her will. At one point, Kaley's pitched onto the bed, bounces and falls awkwardly off the far side - drawing hoots of laughter from rambunctious Navi.

Scene 15: Belly to belly standing bearhug - Navi hoisting Kaley up onto her toes, blonde deadweight against firm brunette breasts and pelvis. Navi grunting, but grinning, brawny arms cinched up tight around Kaley's lower back. Cuoco's face pasty, lips parted - she moans in distress - pulling pathetically at Navi's hair close to Rawat's temples. Excrutiating stuff - poor Kaley squeezed breathless in one patient pump after another - Cuoco growing visibly weaker, her right cheek coming to rest sleepily on Navi's right shoulder as Rawat pours it on.

Scene 17: Beaten Kaley, on her back, groggily fights off a series of sloppy cross-body pin attempts. Hard to watch - Cuoco dimly resisting, shooting one shoulder or the other off the carpet and rolling to her side - Navi kneeling back on her haunches, blowing curls out of her eyes, then slapping her hands onto Kaley to pull her onto her back for more.

Scene 18: Kaley too stubborn to be pinned - she suffers the consequences. Navi sits in the small of Kaley's back, pulling the blondes arms back over brunette thighs and clasping her hands under Kaley's chin. Rocking camel-clutch - Navi grinning, tossing her shiny mane and pouring it to Kaley. Cuoco dimly groaning, belly trembling as she's up on her knees, helpless in the hold. Camera lingers on Kaley's suffering face - blonde hair sweeping across her face, bowing out from Navi's grip on either side. Lips snivelling, breath snorting out from a pink nose - Kaley's submission is a long time coming...but it comes all the same. Navi pushes Cuoco face down and rises from smouldering blonde, placing a foot in between Kaley's shoulderblades and bellowing in triumph, hands held high.

[Cuoco would later suffer an unsanctioned sneak attack by way of mop-up while sunbathing in the aftermath of these losses - a big splash from Kelly Hu as Kaley lay oblivious on her back under a blistering Hawaiian sun; captured on cell-phone cam and included on the DVD!]

Ali Landry vs Katherine Heigl - Sauna bout in NYC; a small sauna with cedar planked floors and tiered benches. Ali in cobalt blue bikini, Katherine in beige crochet bikini. New York location important as Landry was tasked with defeating Katherine in draining fashion before Heigl would be tempted to Hawaii to face the smaller, but very solid, Navi Rawat (below).

Scene 27: Girls fighting on their knees late in the fight (Ali to the left of your screen, Katherine to the right). Heigl very drowsy, eyelashes fluttering, lips parted - she's reaching for Ali's hip with her right hand; Landry with a short, violent right hand pump, punches Katherine in the pit of her stomach. Sobbing groan, Kath Heigl - she pitches forward into Ali's arms as the girls squish together chest to chest. Bearhug, Ali to Kath - Landry simply tightening up her grip around Kath's lower back - Heigl arching back in agony, pushing at Ali's brown shoulders, face contorted in fresh pain. Ali shuffling forward on her knees, adjusting her grip - she starts out with her left hand gripping her left wrist in Heigl's lumbar, then graduates to a snug hug up under the armpits, brunette grabbing her elbows to crush blonde breast to breast. Heigl suffering - chin over Ali's right shoulder - blonde hands splayed wide against Ali's steam-tacky back as brunette puts it to blonde.

Scene 35: Katherine Heigl vs Navi Rawat (Hawaii) As revealed in the Documentary disc, Heigl was lured to Hawaii on the basis of her superior size to face Navi - but her draining sauna defeat by Landry, plus the cross-continental travel, conspired to reduce Katherine's performance significantly. Heigl in white bikini with floral print and ruffles - Navi in black push up, yellow bikini bottoms. Huge right hand, Navi to Heigl - Rawat bending in and down, pounding an overhand right off Kath's breadbasket, then following through into a deep crouch. Heigl shouting in pain - chin up, teeth bared, chest forward as she bunches up hugging her gut as she staggers back on her heels. Grinning Navi straightens - Rawat's ballistic, up-tempo attack was tailor-made to take full advantage of Heigl's fatigue coming into the contest.

Scene 38: Walking barrage of right hands to the body batters Kath all around the room, finally putting her on all fours - Navi's able to scoot into the saddle and sink in her camel clutch. Brutal, extended sequence - poor Heigl on her knees, her arms draped over Navi's golden thighs, and Rawat just WRENCHING back on Kath's chin. Heigl had started the bout with her hair in a tidy battle-bun - now it's all loose, clamped in under Rawat's hands and hanging down Heigl's chest. Rawat gritting her teeth, patiently putting her weight into this thing - Heigl doesn't submit, but she's suffers terrible attrition underneath Navi's weight.

Scene 39: More punishment on the carpet. Here, Navi lies on her left side, facing the camera; Kath sits, back against Navi's stomach, with Navi's legs scissoring Kath's right leg, stretching it out wide as Navi's arms secure Kath's left leg - her left hand gripping her right wrist tight to stretch the limb out. Heigl howling in pain and frustration - head back as she leans backward into Navi's body, arms outstretched along the length of Rawat. Heigl gathering herself, pounding the side of her right fist against Navi's right leg without effect. Heigl clutching at her burning innerthighs, face twisted in fresh angst: Hawat smiling, relaxed, in control as Heigl suffers.

Scene 42: Navi wrestling a tired Katherine on the bed - constantly pushing the blonde back-down, putting a belly on Heigl and jamming close-in punches to Heigl's ribs. Kath grimacing - tieing up around Navi's head and scissoring up either of Rawat's legs - long, grinding assault as Navi maintains position, keeps the pressure on as Heigl's forced to take the weight.

Scene 45: Still on the bed - Navi still on top. Rawat grapevines Heigl's legs, spreading them out. Rawat secures a tuff bearhug around Kath's ribs, snuggling in tight, turning her right cheek to rest against Heigl's hulking breasts - brunette head in under taller blonde's chin. Heigl just sick about it, but badly weakened at this point - she slaps pathetically at Navi's bronzed back - forearms slapping down on meat as the hug takes effect. Heigl sobbing, her grapevined legs writhing uselessly, hands pushing down on Navi's broad shoulders, but there's no escape! Finally, a used-up Kath Heigl taps out her surrender against Navi's back, bringing a roar of applause from the small apartment crowd. Beating Heigl twice was crucial for the overall success of BIG WEEK but at this point, the blondes weren't yet aware that they were even being targeted.

Scene 55: Neve Campbell vs. Allison Mack (Apartment setting) Black push up and yellow bikini bottom Neve; yellow bra style bikini top and green bikini bottom Ally. Neve (right of your screen) works a patient arm bar on Allison - Ali's left arm tucked in under Neve's right armpit; Neve's right arm looped around the trapped limb; Neve's right hand clutching her left forearm while the left hand plants on Allison's mighty bicep. Just one of many, many armbars Neve would use in this fight - happy to stand up with Allison and work the hold, patiently grinding down the blonde's brawny shoulders and arms. Campbell releases to a wristlock, twisting Alli forward and causing her to cry out; Campbell drops the elbow smash into the shoulder, then resecures the armbar, licking her lips as she reefs on the joint, pulling Alli back up onto her toes. Over and over and over - Neve systematically taking Alli apart by her shoulders, calmly working either limb in succession - by the end of it, Mack's blinking back tears, uncertain of how to proceed.

Scene 62: Neve's long, premeditated assault on Alli's arms has badly reduced Mack at this point - Alli falls prey to a standing abdominal stretch as a result. Both girls facing the camera - Neve in behind Alli - Campbell's left leg looped over Alli's right; Neve's leaning in under Alli's outstretched right arm to bennnnnd Alli's torso to her left. Poor Mack! Allison sobbing, breath coming in forced huffs and puffs - Neve cruelly putting her right elbow-point into the hollow above Alli's right hip, or simply laying the hand out flat on the hip to help stretch. Neve has her fun, feels Alli weakening - then easily transitions from stretch, twisting Alli into a front choke in Neve's strong left arm. From there, grinning Campbell simply sits out, driving Mack's head into carpet for a rare Apartment DDT. Allison sprawled on her chest, devasatated: Neve sitting up, smiling into the crowd, basking in a moment of sheer supremacy.

Scene 63: Neve bulls a dim, groggy Alli Mack onto her back on the carpet - blonde all but out of it, burbling bitter-nothings, eyelashes fluttering. Crashing Leg-drop sequence - Campbell to Mack - Neve dropping her right thigh across Alli's chest or face, rolling onto a planted left knee, then standing, adjusting her trunks as she takes a little strut-around - systematic, patient destruction meted out as poor Mack can't get off her back. When Neve wants the pin, she sprawls in cross-body on Mack, riding the forearm across blonde's sleepy face: both girls facing the camera as Neve nods her head in time to the pin count. Mack beaten - Neve unleashed to help mop up blondes 120 pounds and lighter as BIG WEEK gains irresistible momentum.

Scene 67: Cat Bell scissors Molly Sims on a bed (Apartment setting). Cat in dark-tinted leopard print bra and panties; Molly in black bikini. Bed has ornate, roccoco wrought iron headboard (painted white) - Cat's able to grip the curling bars to help leverage her hold. Cat's long, bronzed legs bisect Molly's body from Sims right shoulder, diagonally across the chest (Cat's taut buttocks humming against Molly's right ear) - Molly on her back, in trouble. Sims grimacing, baring her teeth - both hands clutching at Cat's top (left) leg. Cat's elbows in tight to her body as she grips the headboard hard, head up so she can look back at Molly - Bell's chewing her lower lip, shifting and squeezing as hard as she can. This is devastating to Molly - she doesn't submit, but it's a crushing, debilitating hold which gives Cat functional initiative for the rest of the match. When Bell finally releases and rolls away - she leaves Molly crying, hugging her body as she lays writhing on her back. Molly defenceless - she's unable to resist Bell's relentless jug-smothering attempts from here as Cat works hard for a submission.

On a battle-yacht (somewhere in the Med): Kelly Brook/Charlize Theron + Monica Bellucci/Gena Lee Nolin

Scene 75: Kelly Brook puts jug to Gena Lee Nolin aft while Monica Bellucci smothers Charlize Theron fore - on the heels of a cruelly cleverly orchestrated Theron/Nolin tilt which left both beauties utterly drained! This scene zeroes in on Brook (black underwire bikini with sturdy low-rise hipster bottoms) on her knees, tight reverse-sleeper pressing Nolin's face snug and deep into British jug. Gena's seated (Kelly's seated more or less astride the blonde's lap), her back supported by a low padded bench that rings the fighting area. Deck and bench are white - railing is silver - everything brightly illuminated by a blazing Mediterranean sun. Gena in a scarlet bikini.

Scene 76: Monica (silver bikini) is on her right side (camera looking down), her legs in a light scissors about Charlize' hips holding the wilting blonde firmly in place as Monica works her reverse sleeper/smother up top. Monica's right arm round back of Charlize' damp skull, clutching her own left bicep; Bellucci's left hand wrapped in tangled blonde locks, holding Char close. Charlize (green bikini) sprawled motionless; right arm draped over Monica's ribs, right hand resting knuckles-down on the padded white deck. It's over - it’s been over for some time - but Monica allowed to pour it to Charlize by the smother-loving crowd.

Scene 77: Monica releases and rolls away from Charlize who flops onto her back, eyes shut, lips parted in a KO pout. Cut to Brook releasing and standing up over Gena, leaving her blond similarly shiny-faced and helpless. Brunettes walk along the gunnels of the yacht, slapping casual high fives as they pass - then Kelly settles in on Charlize while Monica helps herself to a helping of Gena! Exclusive crowd chatting politely, drinking mojitos and champagne cocktails as two blondes are smothered back to the (Sharon) Stone age. Catherine Zeta Jones and Lucy Pinder seen setting down drinks and starting to unbutton dresses in the background as the camera pans!
Editors Note: Due to a technical problem - in part caused by the use of a hurriedly hired local crew in Acapulco, Mexico - the video of what (based on eye-witness descriptions) was a terrific event was ruined: Salma Hayek-Jessica Simpson on the white sandy beach in a La Conquesta for the ages! It was a gross oversight not to have a professional crew and/or a backup on site; a mistake the producers take full responsibility for. And of course, with Simpsy in ruins, piling on to heap on the ‘hulking hooters of hurt’ came Jennifer Love Hewitt and Lacey Chabert! When she was informed her domineering performance wasn’t preserved on tape, Ms. Hayek merely shrugged and purred, “Guess I’ll just have to do it again!” (We can’t wait, Salma. We can’t freakin’ wait!)