Front Cover: Four quarter layout; each corner with Photoshopped pics of each couple; black separator bands form a cross between pictures, bold red type announces the theme of CARPET, CANVAS, SAND, CONCRETE. Each of the four fights takes place on one of those surfaces, thus the title.
Back Cover: This 2-disc DVD contains four of the most competitive and mean-spirited celebrity fights in some time. This unique collection pits four pairs on four different fighting surfaces - which may favor one woman more than another, but which neither enjoys (judging by their expressions during the fight).
Special Insert: Four page color brochure w/photos and bios of all eight women and synopsis of their careers to date.
Bonus Footage: Each disc includes prefight interviews; “making of” featurettes and a narrative “play by play” by another fighter (Note: Since the fights were all held during heavy rainstorms, the commentary tracks had to be dubbed in after the fact; commentators had the benefit of ‘hindsight’ in making their analytical observations.)
Disc 1, Side A “On Carpet” - Kristen Bell vs. Lacey Chabert (commentary by Billie Piper - w/’American’ subtitles)
Watching the approaching storm roll in over the Vermont hills was a lovely scene, one that Kristen Bell would normally have taken more time to appreciate under normal circumstances. However, having a dumb brunette's legs wrapped around her waist in a crushing Body Scissors was hardly a normal situation, so the blonde resolved to enjoy the storm from a more comfortable perch later on, perhaps from the swell of her victim's heaving chest. Enjoying that image very much, Bell locked her ankles and bore down on her own Body Scissors. Grinding her heels in between the brunette's shoulderblades, Kristen found her voice and said, "Ya know Lacey, for someone with such a ridiculously overinflated chest, your balance is actually quite good. Tell me, do you take walking classes when your not losiUNNNNGGHHH!"
Chabert crushed down on the blonde's svelte waist and her taunt was lost in a breathless groan. Resting heavily on her right side, the tanned brunette brushed some errant strands of hair out of her face and taunted, "No classes required Wonder-Bra. When you're as magnificent as I am, being graceful just comes naturallERRRRRGHH!" Now it was Kristen's turn to clamp down and Lacey threw her head back and wailed as the blonde's deceptively powerful gams put a hurtin' on her ribs.
Balancing on her left hand, Bell teased the back of Lacey's head with her toes even as she formed her right hand into flat paddle-like shape and brought it SPANKING down on Chabert's panty-clad butt. Patting the brunette's simple white togs, Kristen made a tiny adjustment to her Scissors and joked, "C'mon Lacey what else ya got!?"
She paused for a moment and when she resumed, her voice had assumed a terribly exaggerated corn-pone Southern accent that would have had anyone from that region of the country cringing or fuming. (At the moment, Lacey was doing both.) "I thought ya'll southern gals were always ready fer a good ol' fashioned wildcat fight? Maybe ya just didn't help yerself to enuff boiled possum at the barn dance last nighAAAWWWW FUUCK!"
Chabert had finally had enough of Kristen's mockery and she let the blonde know about it in a big way. Relaxing her grip on the scissors for a moment, she slid her thighs a little higher up on Bell's waist and then SQUEEZED down as hard as she could. The resulting pressure brought the aforementioned curse to the blonde's lips and while it wasn't enough to make Kristen release her Scissors, they did slacken considerably and that let Lacey roll from her side onto her knees. With her butt now resting on Kristen's belly, Lacey looped her arms around the back of the blonde's knees and leaned back, folding the gamine grappler in half with a Reverse Matchbook Pin of sorts.
Despite the fact that Bell's ankles were still locked and nestled against her right shoulder, Lacey was in pretty high spirits and she proved as much by rising up on her knees and then dropping back down to THWAP all the air out of Kristen's lungs with a Butt Smash. Taking a moment to flip hair out of her eyes, Lacey glanced back over her left shoulder and addressed her captive in a voice much more in line with a real southern belle. "Why Ms. Bell I do believe you're getting your ass kicked. How in world did such a terrible wrestler as yourself agree to be demolished by one so talented as myself?"
She rubbed her backside against Kristen's belly, not hard, but more than enough for the blonde to understand what was going on. Grunting as she shoved and dug at Lacey's hips, Bell fired back, "Well it had been a while since I'd been able to properly trounce an outclassed brunette and when the opportunity to face you came along I thought, why not start with Lacey's trashy ass? I mean, it's not like there isn't a whole TON of it to go around!" Chabert was in the middle of forming her retort when Kristen grabbed a double handful of her waistband and YANKED up, instantly changing Lacey's bottoms into an almost non-existant thong.
Gritting her teeth as her own attire was used against her, Lacey snarled, "You wanna play with my ass Kristen? Then allow me to properly introduce you!" Pushing up onto her knees again, Chabert scooted backwards to bend Kristen even further while simultaneously positioning her backside directly over the pinned girl's chest. When Lacey believed she was in the right spot, she dropped down HARD and was rewarded with a pained gasp as her butt flattened Kristen's modest assets. Bouncing her ass against Bell's chest, Lacey looked confused for a moment and said, "Shit, what the hell am I sitting on, your knees? She looked over her shoulder and grinned. "Oh that's right, that's your bony, good for nothing tits. I don't know if there's any part of you that would actually make a comfortable seat, but I'm going to find out."
Shaking off Bell's breathless escape attempts, Lacey slowly slid her rump off the blonde's chest in a slow northern march that took the brunette down the swell of Kristen's throat, up the shelf of her chin and across the subtle curves of her face. Chabert didn't stop until she felt her cheeks against Kristen's and that meant the cheating blonde had turned her head to the side. Reaching back, Lacey pulled her bottoms back into a more comfortable alignment and then said, "I didn't want your sweaty, nasty face touching me anyway. But, that doesn't mean you aren't going to kiss my ass!"
Infuriated at the implication, Kristen squeezed her Scissors and tried to force Lacey off her, but the brunette was riding too high and Bell couldn't get the leverage she needed. Bucking and twisting, the blonde growled, "You sit on my face Lacey and I'll UMMMGHHHH!"
Chabert's hand darted out and snagged a fistful of Kristen's gold locks. With a single jerk, Lacey pulled her victim's head into place and she wasted no time in plopping the full weight of her glutes down on Kristen's face. Snugging the point of Kristen's nose between her buns, Lacey did a slow bump and grind on Bell's pulsing features as she asked, "You'll what? You'll really, really like it? No offense Kristen, but I can already tell."
Breathless, blinded and above all FURIOUS at having Lacey mount her like this, Kristen did the only thing she could think of. She opened her mouth and bit down hard on Chabert's intruding butt-cheek. From somewhere above her, she heard the brunette shriek and the Face Sit loosened up. Her first instict was to pop her own Scissors and just scramble away but she decided against it. Looking for revenge, Bell kept her legs in place, bridged her back and then rolled hard to her left. The ass-on-face seal was broken and even better than that, Bell was able to reverse positions with her curvaceous foe. Now she was sitting comfortably on Lacey's breasts and the blonde made herself right at home by rising up on her knees and then DROPPING back down, slamming the full weight of her backside into Lacey's jugs. Chabert groaned and tried to roll into another reversal, but Kristen held on tight and softened the brunette up with another sternum-crunching Butt Smash.
Ignoring the presence of Lacey's ankles behind her head for the time being, Kristen sneered, "There's one for each boob, now here's a spare to keep with ya!" She pushed onto her knees, held the pose for a moment, then dropped down with the third and final Butt Smash. Upon the last impact, Lacey's ankles popped open and her legs went flopping to the carpet and that meant very bad things were in the brunette's future.
Allowing herself a moment to adjust the edges of her black silk briefs, Bell smoothed out her hair with both hands and mused, "Ya know Lacey it occurs to me, I've never sat on a face before." She paused to look over her shoulder and when she locked eyes with the brunette, they shown with malicious intent. "I think yours would be a good place to start."
Bicycling her feet against the carpet, Lacey groaned and tried to grab hold of Kristen's hips. "Keep that bony thing away from me KristENNGGUMMPPPHHH!"
Ignoring the demand, the blonde scooted backwards until she felt the landscape of Chabert's features nuzzled against her butt. Experimenting with a slow, steady series of hip thrusts, Bell put her hands on her knees and rocked in relative silence while Lacey wriggled and screamed underneath her. Biting her bottom lip, Kristen arched her back and stared up at the ceiling as she increased her pace. Glancing back down at Lacey's squirming frame, Kristen panted, "I can see why you'd like this Lacey, it does have a certain prurient thrill. But it's definitely one of those 'better to give than to receive' situations. Speaking of which..."
The blonde moved her hands from her knees to Lacey's defenseless chest. Pulling the brunette's white bra aside, Kristen laid her hands on the bared flesh and sank her fingers in deep. Chabert's escape attempts intensified (as did her screams) but it wasn't enough to dislodge Bell and the blonde let her know. Taking the brunette's nubs between thumb and forefinger, Kristen started to twiiiissst as she said, "Give up now Lacey. Otherwise your girls won't be in flashable conditon for the next taping of BAD WRESTLING CHICKS GONE WILD."
Trapped and tortured under Bell's rump, Lacey tried to bite her way out, but Kristen had the Face Sit wedged in so tight she couldn't even open her mouth. Left with no other options, she reached up and slapped the side of Kristen's hip three times.
Feeling Lacey's surrender, Kristen ceased her clawing and grinding almost immediately. Wiggling her ass against Lacey's face a final time, the blone stood up and said brightly, "There, that wasn't so hard was it?"
Starfished and gasping on the rug, Chabert grumbled, "Your ass is mine next time Kristen."
Bell glanced down and rubbed her backside appreciatively. "I thought you would have had more than enough of my ass tonight Lacey. But if you're still craving KBell, I can indulge you." Before Lacey even knew what was going on, Kristen leapt into the air only to come crashing down on the brunette's exposed chest. Giggling mischeviously as Lacey spasmed underneath her, Kristen scrambled to her knees and straddled Lacey's chin.
With the fork of her crotch resting against Chabert's quivering jaw, Bell glanced up at the apartment's big bay window and saw that the rain had really started to come down. Grabbing a hold of Lacey's hair, Kristen yanked the brunette's muzzle into her center and cooed, "Well whadda ya know, I managed to find the best seat in the house."
Disc 1, Side B “On Canvas” - Jennifer Love Hewitt vs. Allison Mack (commentary by Lindsay Lohan)
The rain was still coming down hard, sounding like pebbles striking a giant tin can as it plinked, planked and plonked against the roof of the almost deserted gym of the Yellow Sign Tavern. Some folks wouls have found the noise obnoxious, but Jennifer Love Hewitt rather liked it. The rain gave her a steady, grinding soundtrack to dominate her opponent to, and speaking of opponents...Love snapped her green tie-dyed bikini bottoms back into place and cooed, "Time to get up Alli...."
Helping her foe along, Hewitt sunk her hands into Allison Mack's sweaty blonde tousle and pulled her up on spaghetti legs. Shifting her grip, Jennifer wrapped arms around the blonde's chest and slowly marched her wobbly-butt all the way back into the nearest corner. When steel and cable stopped her progress, Jen released her pseudo Bear Hug but she continued to press forward, unsubtly mashing her phenomenal busom against the blonde's equally impressive (but sadly, much less vaunted) chest. Smiling coyly as Allison's jugs retreated from her curves, Hewitt settled her left hand in Mack's hair and pulled her head back at an odd angle. Locking eyes with the taller grappler, Hewitt laid her right forearm across the blonde's decolletage and asked, "You still think you can hold up to me chest-to-chest sweetheart?"
Grumbling, Allison shoved and fussed at Jen's hips to no avail. "I'm still standing aren't I?"
Hewitt licked her lips. "Only because I wanted to win this fight inside your bra. Hold on if you can." Before Mack could offer a reply, the curvy brunette pulled her forearm back and then snapped it forward, taking the blonde directly across her bust with a crisp little 'SWAP!' The blonde's breasts trembled inside their bright blue bikini top and Jen took that as a sign to keep swinging. Keeping as close in as she could, the long haired vixen settled into her stance as she drove more than two dozen shots into Alli's rack with that steady, SWAP,SWAP,SWAP,SWAP,SWAP,SWAP that made such an ominous counterpoint to the sound of the driving rain.
When she finally started to tire herself out, Love reached up, cupped Mack's throbbing chest and gave her girls a gentle squeeze. The rivals had made a ladies agreement not to resort to pinching and clawing, but there was nothing that prevented Hewitt from reminding Alli of just what was happening to her. Jiggling her hands a little, Jenny cooed, "Time to jug you up Alli. Let's tuck you in tight..." Recieving minimal resistance, Jennifer snaked her arms around Allison's neck and pulled her head forward and down, snugging the groggy blonde's face directly into the pronounced curve of her cleavage. Looking to secure the Front Sleeper, Jen holds her left bicep in her right hand while her left hand cups the top of Mack's head. Biting her bottom lip, Jen beams into the empty audience as she mashes her orbs back and forth against Allison's gasping face. "C'mon baby let's hear you give. I can feel your legs starting to quiver and that means UNGH!"
Apparently it meant that Allison wasn't quite done yet, because the curvy blonde dynamo wrapped her arms around the brunette's waist and squeezed down tight. But instead of really pouring her effort into the Bear Hug, Allison surged forward to get herself out of the corner. When she was clear of the buckles, the suffocating grappler pulled a quick 180, putting Jennifer's back to the steel. Running out of air, Mack planted her feet against the canvas and DROVE Jenny Love back into the turnbuckles. Jen hit with a moist THUD and grudgingly released her hold on Allison's neck. Breathing in great tearing gasps, Allison grabbed the middle rope on either side of the brunette and pulled herself forward to drive the point of her shoulder into Jen's waiting paunch. THUP!
Jen threw her head back and groaned but that wasn't getting any pity from the blonde. Rearing back, she paused for a second and then resumed her assault, smashing the battering ram of her shoulder into Jennifer's trim abdomen over and over. Finally, Allison stopped but not before she could hear Jennifer's panting over the THUP,THUP,THUPPING! Straightening up Allison pressed against Love as tightly as she could. Smiling beatifically as Hewitt's ample set was mashed by her own, the blonde purred, "What's the matter Love? Your girls afraid of a little competition?"
Despite the fact that she was gasping for breath, Hewitt smiled, "LITTLE being the operative word..."
Allison rolled her eyes and replied, "Denial is an ugly thing Love." Using her right hand to hold Jennifer in place, Allison took a step back and extended her left hand up above her head. Setting her sights on the swell of Love's right breast, Mack let her hand hang in the air for a moment and then brought it whicking down in a vicious overhand slap that landed CRAACK on Love's tit. Jen winced and tried to pull her arms across her chest, but Alli would have none of it. Brushing the brunette's hands aside, the blonde chided, "C'mon Lovie, let's make it a matching pair." The words were still hanging between them when her hand came down a second time, CRAACCCK! Hewitt sobbed aloud as the mammary mauling maneuver echoed throughout the shadowy gym.
Through with the piddly stuff, Allison nuzzled her arms around Jennifer's upper body and locked her hands. Reeling the shorter girl in, Mack whispered, "This is what it feels like to be subJUGGated Love." Allison tightened the noose and Jennifer wailed as her breasts were mashed painfully against the blonde's assets. Shaking her head 'no' to fight off the approaching asphyxia of the squeeze, Hewitt seized upon the only counter left open to her and she slammed her head forward, catching Allison on the bridge of the nose with a stiff Headbutt.
Mack cried out, released the Bear Hug and staggered back on trembling legs. Fighting off the urge to collapse onto all fours, Hewitt coughed out a low growl and said, "Oh no you don't..." Stalking after the dazed blonde, Love caught up with Mack, forced a shoulder into her belly and then lifted the red and blue clad beauty up on her shoulders in a Fireman’s Carry. Holding Allison prone on her shoulders, Jennifer said, “THIS is what sug-jug-ation feels like bitch!"
Saving her breath, Hewitt spun around twice and then fell hard to the side, spiking Allison's head and shoulders into the unyielding mat with her Heartbreaker DVD. Now normally the Hearbreaker would be followed by a cover, but there was no referee to count and Jen didn't want it anyway. Moving deliberately, Jennifer adjusted the edges of bikini and got to her feet.
Strutting over to the blonde, Jenny bent down, grabbed Alli's shoulder-straps and peeled her off the canvas. Snuggling her arms around the back of the blonde's neck, Jennifer wedged Allison's face between her breasts and sighed, "Soak em up baby. Soak up ALL the jugg you want!"
Panting into the sweating, steaming furnace of Jennifer's rack, Allison knew she didn't have much time to muster a counter. Realizing that to try and pry the Smother loose would just waste more energy, Mack brought her arms up fast and locked them around the brunette' waist. Bending her knees in a deep crouch, the blonde POPPED her hips and tossed Jennifer up and over with a Belly-to-Belly Suplex. The buxom brunette hit the mat with a loud THWAP! and arched her back as the throw took all the wind out of her. Breathing hard, Allison rolled to her feet and dropped into a loose three-point stance. Eyes locked on the recovering grappler, Allison muttered, "On your feet Love, we're not done yet."
Several feet away, Jenny moaned and flopped onto her hands and knees. Seconds later the brunette stood up and that's when the Mack Attack roared into high gear. Jennifer had just enough time to lift her head to the incoming noise before WHAM!!! Allison NEARLY cut her in half with a Spear that DID turn her inside out. Jen let out a loud breathless scream and rolled onto her side, clutching and cradling her impacted ribs. Running a hand through her hair, Allison pushed to her knees and crawled onto Jennifer's belly in a loose straddle.
Settling her hands into Jenny's hair, Allison pulled her victim's upper body off the mat and wrapped her arms around the back of Love's neck. Taking a page out of the brunette's own book, Mack gripped her left bicep in her right hand while the left hand palmed the top of Jen's skull. Brushing her rack against Jen's dazed face, Allison cooed, "Time to breathe me in Jenny." The sound of Allison's voice seemed to rouse Jen and she tried to pull away but it was too late. Reefing down on her grip, Allison TUGGED Love's face into her cleavage and wriggled her arms back and forth to expedite the process.
Leaning her cheek against the top of Jen's head, Mack was all smiles as the trapped brunette started pounding weak, girlish fists into her ribs. Brawny arms flexing and tensing, Allison said, "Not good enough Jenny. Got anything else?" The flailing brunette dug her claws into Allison's shoulders and RAKED down, but the flare of pain just motivated the blonde to clamp down even tighter. Love squirmed and wriggled against the Jug Smother, but she didn't have enough air left in her lungs to power any meaningful resistance. With her arms getting progressively heavier, Jen's struggles continued to fade until she seemed to deflate and go limp in Allison's grip.
Patting the top of Jennifer's head, Allison whispered, "That's a good girl." Just to be on the safe side, she maintained the Front Sleeper for another ten seconds before releasing the hold. Laying Hewitt flat on the canvas, Allison rubbed her hand across her decolletage and then flicked several beads of sweat onto the brunette's face. Smiling, she got to her feet and said, "There's plenty more where that came from Love. Anytime you want another draught from the jugs, you just look me up." Leaving Jen puddled up in the later stages of jugshock, Allison slipped through the ring ropes and made her way towards the locker room.
Disc 2, Side A “On Sand” - Neve Campbell vs. Evangeline Lilly (commentary by Allison Mack)
Savoring the feel of the rain on her shoulders and the sand against her toes, Evangeline Lilly dug her feet into the beach and craaanked down on her Side Headlock to exacerbate the grind of her hip against her opponent's temple. Shaking the rain out of her hair, she smiled up into the glowering sky and chided, "C'mon Neve, shouldn't all this rain make it at least a LITTLE easier to escape?" Before the other brunette could answer her, Lilly tensed her whole frame and rose up on her toes, putting even more pressure on Campbell's head.
Fighting to be heard over the pounding in her ears, the dull roar of the lake and the ever increasing downpour, Neve worried at Evangeline's elbow and hip as she grunted, "We're playing on your turf Evangeline. It didn't seem right to make you look bad from the outset." The Scream Queen punctuated her response by balling up her fist and SMECKING it off the other brunette's belly.
Lilly growled but that was all, the lithe brunette's body had been built for beach bouts and it was gonna take a lot more than one of Campbell's punches to make her break a hold if she didn't want to. Adjusting her grip on Neve's neck, Evangeline forced her opponent's chin into the crook of her elbow and bore down even harder. Smirking as Neve's pale face went red in seconds, Lilly sneered, "God Neve, if I knew you were going to be this easy I wouldn't have bothered to fly in from Hawaii. After I'm done kicking your ass on the sand, we can take this into your precious wrestling ring. Maybe you'll fare a little better with some ropes to save your ERRRGGGHH!"
Lightning tore the sky but that didn't stop Evangeline from feeling the vicious needle-like pain that had wormed its way into her belly. Gritting her teeth, the unquestioned champion of sand and surf glared down and observed that Neve, despite her predicatment, had been able to latch a nasty Claw Hold onto the trim brunette's belly. Nostils flaring, Lilly opened her mouth to taunt the Scream Queen when Campbell beat her to it. "What's the matter gym rat? Those trendy health-club abs not cutting it in a real fight?" Neve dug her thumb into Evangeline's navel and twissted her hand, bringing a fresh grimace to her captor's pretty face.
Battling through the pain, Lilly sneered, “Bitch, if that's all you've got, I'm going to OWN you by the time this storm is over." Intent on proving her point, Lilly suddenly jerked her opponent off her feet and tossed her over her right hip. Still working the Headlock, Evangeline followed Neve down into the thick sand where they both landed with a wet THWUP! Feeling right at home with the beach at her back, Lilly leaned back on the Headlock in an attempt to choke Campbell out with the basic maneuver. Neve had just let out an espcially gurgly gasp when Lilly asked her, "You ready to admit I own your ass on this beach? Or anywhere else for that mattHERRRKKUUNNGHH!"
Evangeline's tirade was snipped off with almost mechanical precison when Neve bucked her hips up and snaked her thighs around the other brunette's neck. Locking her ankles, Neve CRUSHED down on the Headscissors just as she was wrenching her way out of Lilly's grip. Turning her face up into the rain, Neve placed one hand in the sand for balance while the other pressed down on the thigh that was across Evangeline's throat. Letting the deluge cool her down, Campbell took several deep breaths even as her thighs were stealing oxygen from Lilly. When her respiration had returned to normal (and 'Vangie's was a touch more frantic) Neve rubbed her thighs against the trapped brunette's neck and told her, "You should have stayed on the West Coast Evangeline. You could have built an entire legacy without ever running into me, but no, you had to march into my neck of the woods and call me out. Did you really think I was going to turn down your challenge? Huh!? DID YOU?! Campbell grabbed a handful of Evangeline's matted locks and shook it nastily.
Fighting to keep her breath steady, Lilly countered, "Honestly I thought you were smarter than that. But since you weren't..." She trailed off and before Neve could squeeze the vise any tighter, she twisted her body around so that the crown of her skull was digging into the sand. Planting her hands on either side of Neve's knees, Evangeline pushed up into a beautiful headstand and held the position for a moment. With Neve momentarily caught off gaurd it was simple enough for Lilly to POP her head free of Campbell's grasp and come to rest on her feet. In the blink of an eye, the standing brunette stepped forward and LASHED a vile soccer kick into Neve's chin that clacked the Scream Queen's teeth together just before she went sprawling back-first into the sand.
Adjusting the edges of her black and gold briefs, Evangeline repeated, "But since you're WEREN'T that smart, I'm going to make you pay for it." Looking to end the battle quickly, the domineering brunette pounced on her downed adversary, landing on her chest in a high mount. Using her left hand to grab a handful of Neve's damp ebon locks, Evangeline pulled Campbell's head off the sand and proceeded to POUND merciless MMA style right hands into the Scream Queen's cheek. Green eyes cold and cruel, Lilly watched Neve's face start to go slack and after a mere three shots, she was PRETTY sure the other brunette was out. But just to confirm, she pulled back for a fouth shot and sent in zipping towards Campbell's chin. A split second before the blow landed, Neve pulled her head to the side, leaving Lilly's fist to pound deep into the sand beside her cheek.
Scowling, Evangeline started to dig her fist free when the pinned brunette shot out both hands and grabbed Lilly's wrist. Without a word Neve yanked her foe off balance and pulled her onto the sand. The startled beach fighter had just started to push up to her hands and knees when Campbell flung herself across Evangeline's back. As Lilly collapsed under her with a soft grunt, Neve took hold of Evangeline's left arm before laying every ounce of her weight across the other brunette's rain and sweat slicked back. Locking her elbows, Neve's eyes glittered in the fading light as she hissed,“Don't worry Evangeline, I'll leave you one good arm to tap out with.” 'This promise was still coming out of her mouth when she planted her feet in the sand and leaned back across the brunette’s body, cinching on the Fujiwara Arm Bar. Lightning crashed once more but even the world splitting roar wasn't enough to drown out Lilly's agonized scream.
Trying her best to rip the other brunette's arm off, Campbell thrashed up and down on the Armbar and roared, "GIVE IT UP LILLY!"
Not sure if it was tears or rain pouring down her cheeks, Evangeline shook her head and roared right back. "SCREW YOU, CAMPBELL!" Using the searing pain in her shoulder and elbow as a means of focusing her attention, the trapped brunette planted her free hand in the sand. This move actually increased the pressure on her arm but it also gave her just enough clearance to tuck her chin in against her chest and place the crown of her head in the sand. Not wasting a single motion, Lilly rolled onto her back, alleviating the pain of the Armbar. Pulling her hand out of the Scream Queen's clutches, she DRILLED a short elbow into the back of the other brunette's skull dropping her face-first onto the beach.
Still smarting from the joint-lock, Lilly pushed to her feet and sneered, "You wanna try to break bones bitch? Lemme show you how it's done."
Stalking around to Campbell's feet, Evangeline took hold of Neve's left ankle and lifted her leg off the sand. Still holding Neve's foot, Lilly used her right hand to grab hold of Campbell's toes while her left hand wrapped around the Scream Queen's ankle and through the hole so she could grab her right ankle. Grip cinched in, Evangeline TWISTED Neve's captured foot, applying an Ankle Lock that could end the match, not to mention the Scream Queen's career.
Wrenching and jerking the captured joint with as much force as she dared apply, Evangeline taunted, "TAP OUT BITCH! TAP OUT WHILE I'M STILL IN THE MOOD TO LET YOU WALK AWAY!"
Shaking her head 'no' Campbell snarled, "UNLESS YOU'VE BROKEN MY ANKLE, THIS FIGHT ISN'T OVER!"
Unable to believe that Neve couldn't accept the inevitable, Lilly spat, "Then enjoy your cast NevAHHHH!" Evangeline's threat devolved into a startled shriek when Neve planted her hands into the sand and pushed up. Tucking her head in the same manner Lilly had used against her Armbar, Neve rolled onto her shoulders and slipped back far enough to take hold of Lilly's ankle. Tugging hard, the Scream Queen forced her tormentress off balance and sent her THUDDING to the sand.
Caught in the grip of a fury the surprised even her, Neve scrambled to her knees just long enough to pounce across Evangeline's trembling back. Laying perpendicular across Lilly's prone chassis, Campbell seized the other brunette's right arm, stretched it out and scissored it between her thighs. In the same motion she laced her hands across Evangeline's face and pulled back as hard as she could. The lake roared and Evangeline screamed right along with it as the Crippler Crossface nearly tore her head from her shoulders. The explosive inferno of pain in her shoulder and neck brought the dazed brunette around to a swirling watery chaos that wasn't much different from the nastiness going off inside her skull. Fumbling at Neve's grip with her free hand, Lilly tried to dig her nails into Campbell's skin, but whenever she managed to get some purchase Neve pulled back again and her claw came loose.
Closing her eyes, Neve LEEEEAAAANED back as far as she could, bending Evangeline into a shape that was kinda like an L tipped onto its long side. Grinding her hands back and forth across Lilly's nose, Neve demanded, "C'MON GYM RAT, TAP THAT SAND!"
Blubbering and snivelling as Campbell threatened to snap her neck, Evangeline reached towards the churning water as if it might be able to help her. She was able to hold on for almost thirty seconds before she started slapping frantically at the wet ground. When Neve didn't immediately release her grip, Evangeline bawled, "LEHHMMEGOOOO!"
Seeing the other brunette concede, Campbell pried her hands apart and shoved Lilly's head away. Sitting in silence as the rain continued to fall, Neve was about to get up when one of Evangeline's earlier insults ran through her head. Frowning, the Scream Queen crawled up the other brunette's back and took a seat on her shoulders. Sinking her hands into her beaten opponent's mane, Neve pulled Evangeline's head off the beach and held it there for a moment. Feeling an uncharacteristic burst of spite, Neve screamed, "DONT (WHUMP!) YOU (WHUMP!) EVER (WHUMP!) GET (WHUMP!) IN (WHUMP!) MY (WHUMP!) FACE (WHUMP!) AGAIN!" (WHUMP!)
After the eigth face-to-sand collision, Evangeline had gone totally limp and Neve's anger was finally sated. Leaving Lilly face down in the dirt, Neve groaned and got to her feet. Putting one foot on Evangeline's trembling backside, Neve glanced between her victim and the lake as she said, "You can have all the other beaches in the world 'Vangie. But this one belongs to me..." Overcome with exhaustion, Neve turned away and started shuffling towards the path in the tree line that would lead back to Fannin's mansion.
Disc 2, Side B “On Concrete” - Billie Piper vs. Lindsay Lohan (commentary by Jennifer Love Hewitt)
The rain had finally let up about ten minutes ago, but because she was currently fending off a blindside parking lot attack from an agressive, beligerent, (and possibly a little bit drunk) redhead, Billie Piper hadn't taken more than a passing note of the sudden silence. Instead, she was more focused on trying not to slip and break her neck against the unforgiving concrete of the Yellow Sign's almost abandoned parking lot. Turning a dark eyed gaze towards the leering redhead, Piper wiped blood and rain off her face before saying, "What's wrong Lindsay? Didn't get enough of me when I kicked yer arse in the ring last week? Ya 'adda go and jump me on the way ta my car?"
Lohan just laughed and flipped the hair out of her face. "You didn't beat me bitch! That was a fast count and everyone knows it! But since Fannin and the other suits won't give me another shot at your pasty British ass just yet, I figured I'd just beat you down and take the title for ransom. It worked for Jennifer Lopez didn't it?"
Rolling her shoulders, Piper brought her fists up in a brawling stance and replied, "One big difference between you and J-Lo Linds. She can actually back up the threats she makes."
Lohan snarled and said, "I don't make threats slut. Anything I say I'm going to do, I do."
Billie smirked, it was just too hard to pass up. "I thought that was 'anyone' love."
Hands balled into fists, the redhead spat, "You're fucking dead!" and stormed towards the waiting blonde. When she was within striking distance, Lohan started firing off brisk little jabs and the occasional hook at Piper's guard. They didn't all get through of course, but with no gloves on it didn't take many to raise a welt, bloddy a lip or blacken an eye. Billie had just soaked up a tidy hook to the belly when Lidsay darted her free hand forward and grabbed one of the Brit's pigtails. Forcing the blonde to bend over double, Lohan instantly smashed two more punches into Piper's gut and then stood her up straight with a brutal Knee Lift to the forehead. The Briton staggered back against the side of her rental car and was about to go sliding onto her butt when the redhead pressed in close and grabbed her by the shoulders.
Brushing her lips against the IC Champ's ear, Lohan taunted, "You're not faring too well Billie. Maybe you'd do better if we were fighting on old timey cobblestones and not a new fangled modern parking lot?" Billie turned her head to glare at the redhead and that's when Lohan buried her left knee in the blonde's crotch. Jaw unhinging in a silent scream, Piper's legs finally deserted her and she slid down the door to land on her butt with a wet SPLAT. Cracking her knuckles, Lindsay smiled and glanced toward the duffel bag Billie had placed on the hood. Spying the the tell-tale gleam of the Intercontinental Title, Lohan stepped forward and said, "I think I'll be taking this with MEEUNNNNNGHHH!"
Billie may have been hurt, but she wasn't dead and that meant she was still very dangerous, a point she proved most admirably by lashing out a hand, grabbing the redhead by the waistband of her jeans and TUGGING her forward, sending her gut first into the side of the hood. As the breath rushed out of her would be usurper, Piper struggled to her feet and plastered herself against Lindsay's back. Grabbing a double handful of the redhead's damp tresses, Piper pulled her uooer body off the car and muttered, "The only thing you're taking with you is a large dose of fear and 'umility. And possibly a concussion, I don't know 'ow thick yer 'ead is."
Getting nothing from her opponent, Billie slammed Lindsay's head and chest down against the hood with a echoing BWONG! Lohan shivered but didn't go out, which was fine with Billie. She had already been in a bad mood before Lohan jumped her and now was the perfect opportunity to work out some of that anger. Pulling one hand out of Lindsay's hair, she slid it down Lidsay's butt only to stop directly between the American's thighs. Smiling into her foe's ear, Billie cooed, "When you jump me like street trash, ya better be prepared ta be treated like street trash Lindsay." The words had barely left her mouth when she curled her hand into a wicked spade and BURIED it in the fertile landscape of the redhead's center.
Working the Crotch Claw to perfection as Lohan screamed into the uncaring metal, Piper kept up the attack for almost thirty seconds before she pulled her hand clear. Wanting to make sure Lindsay knew she wasn't done yet, Billie returned her hand to the back of the redhead's jeans and slipped her fingers beneath them. Worming her hand around she was able to secure a nice grip on Lindsay's underwear and RIPPED it upwards in a sadistic wedgie that pulled another howling scream from Lohan's lips. Chuckling malevolently, Billie jiggled the thong handle for several seconds before she released it and stepped away. Wiping her hands on her jeans, Billie waited for Lindsay to turn around before she commented, "What a pity ehh Linds? The ONE DAY ya decide to wear underwear is the same day ya tried to pick a fight with me. God yer a stupid bitch."
Forgetting about the pain in her head and her hindquarters, Lohan let out a primal scream and charged the surprised blonde. Going low, Lindsay wrapped her arms around the Briton's waist in a death-grip and started powering her back across the lot. Allowing herself to be directed, Billie was more worried about tripping and breaking an ankle than anything that the redhead might be able to do to her. Still it couldn't hurt to be careful, so she reached down and forced her right arm under Lindsay's chin and then locked her hands, trapping the raging girl in a makeshift Front Facelock. Squeezing down hard on the American's neck, Piper was able to slow their shambling process just enough to allow her a look over her shoulder. What she saw in their path made her smile and cringe at the same time. Sighing, Billie muttered, “Well this is going to 'hurt like a bitch,’ but I bet ya get the worst of it."
Loosening her grip just a tiny bit, the blonde glared down at Lohan's back and taunted, "C'MON YA FUCKIN' SLAG I THOUGHT YA CAME TA FIGHT ME!"
Crushing down on Billie's waist, Lindsay surged forward even harder and screamed back, "AND I THOUGHT YOU BRITS KNEW WHEN TO KEEP YOUR DAMN MOUTH SHU..." THWAAAAMM!
Lohan's retort never reached its conclusion because right then she and Billie plowed into one of the only other cars in the lot. Billie threw her head back and let out a pained howl as the steel dug painfully into her back, but as she had predicted it wasn't nearly as bad as what happened to Lindsay. Because the redhead hadn't known what was coming, she'd had no time to brace for the impact and thusly, when it came she ran skull-first into the driver's side door. Lohan let out a single stunned cry and started to go limp, but Billie wasn't going to let her go just yet.
Pulling the American vixen up by her head, Billie stood her on shivering legs and said, "We 'afta finish this off in true street fight fashion Lindsay. Thanks fer understanding." Falling silent, Billie pivoted on her toes and spun into her adversary bringing her right forearm up as she did so to catch redhead under the chin with the European Uppercut she threw better than anyone else on the continent. The blow caught Lindsay flush on the jaw and it was more than enough to stand her up on her toes for a split second before dropping her onto her back with a wet, nasty THUD.
Smoothing out her pigtails, Billie strutted past the downed beauty and offered some advice. "Keep it in the ring next time Linds. Ya don't want ta be testin yer brawlin skills against me anytime soon." Reaching her car, Piper dipped a hand into her bag and pulled out a cell phone. Dialing a number, she put the gadget to her ear and when the voice on the other end greeted her, she said, "George it's Billie. Listen, I'm in the Yellow Sign parking lot and it looks like Lindsay's 'ad a little too much fun at the bar again. Can you send someone around ta pick her up? Thanks George, I'll talk to ya later."
She had just clicked the phone off when she heard a door open behind her. Turning around to face the tavern, she saw a familiar blonde figure step out of the side door leading to the gym.
Strolling past Lindsay with little more than a glance, Allison Mack kept her eyes on Billie as she said, "She trip or something?"
Piper smiled. "Onta my fist. What about you Alli? Ya look like ya been in a fight yerself this fine evening."
Mack sighed and put down her bag. "Remember Archer's article about who had the best rack in the league? Well Love didn't like his conclusions and wanted to take it out on me. Unfortunately for her..." Allison dug into her pocket and pulled out a rumpled green bikini top and showed it to Piper. "... I showed her why Archer made the right call."
Billie smiled for a moment and then said, "We 'ave ta talk Allison."
Mack stuffed the top back in her pocket. "Yes we do Billie."
The British blonde reached into her bag and grabbed the IC strap. Holding it up to her friend, Billie could see that the sight of the belt in anyone else's hands was enough to make her sick. Lowering the strap, Billie continued, "I know ya got ripped off in the Circle Alli, but I wasn't the one who knocked ya out with a pair of knux. What I DID do was go on ta beat Selma, Kristin and Michelle ta win this title. No matter what ya think, that was no fluke and it makes me the rightful Intercontinental Champion. So I'd be very much oblidged if you'd stop looking at me like I was a bloody thief whenever ya lay eyes on me."
Allison was silent for a moment and Billie saw that it took the other blonde a conscious effort to tear her eyes away from the belt. But when she did, she looked Piper dead in the eye and spoke clearly. "I don't think you're a thieft Billie and neither does the rest of the world. But deep down, you and I both know there are two places where you aren't recognized as the champion."
Trying to keep the anger out of her voice, Piper asked, "And where might that be?"
Allison tapped her chest, directly over her heart. "Here..." she reached out and tapped Billie in the same spot. "... and here. No matter what you say or who you beat with that gold around your waist, until you can pin my shoulders to the mat or make me quit, you're not going to own that title. That's not an insult or a slight Billie, it's just the truth."
Hating the fact that Allison could see that deep inside her, Billie stepped into the other blonde so that they were nose-to-nose. "Yer right Allison Mack. In a perfect world we would 'ave outlasted the others and I would 'ave UKO'ed you for a proper three. But the world's not perfect and now I 'ave ta deal with Michelle and Kristin or Scarlett before I can step back inta the ring with you. But REST ASSURED that you and I will settle this question. I CAN beat you Allison...."
Mack interrupted her. "But you HAVEN'T. I made you quit Billie Piper and I want to do it again. BUT if you can pin me or make me quit, I'll shake your hand and strap the belt around your waist myself. The question is, are you strong enough to do the same when I take back what's mine?"
Silence. Then, "It's MINE Alli and I won't let you beat me again. But I don't want anyone sayin' or thinkin' yer more 'onorable than me, so yes, if ya put me down again, I'll raise your hand and wish ya the best. But it's not going to 'appen that way."
The American blonde just nodded. "I guess we'll see then. Best of luck to you Billie. I don't want to take that belt from anyone but you." She offered her hand and Piper took it.
"Same ta you Allison. This would be a 'ell of a lot easier if I 'ated ya, but I don't. So I wish ya the best, but it's not goin' ta be enough."
Allison broke the handshake and replied, "I don't hate you either Billie, but you've got something that belongs to me and I'm going to get it back. So take my advice, enjoy it while you have it." Mack reached down, grabbed her bag and then walked past Billie to another car at the end of the lot. As the other blonde got in and drove away, Billie slung the belt over her shoulder and said, "Ya should ask Lindsay what 'appens ta girls who try ta steal from me Alli. Friend or foe, ya try to take what's mine and ya end up on yer back. But I guess you'll find that out soon enough."
Just then thunder rumbled overhead and rain started to drizzle down again. Sick of standing out in the elements, Piper opened her car, tossed her bags inside and slipped behind the wheel. Popping an old Clash CD into the player, she fired up the engine and headed for the hotel.