DVD Collection #26: “Best Blonde vs. Brunette Action of 2007” by simguy
[NOTE: This 4-disc DVD package includes a 2-disc compilation from the same company who put together the award-winning* 2006 and 2005 Blonde vs. Brunette Collections. Like those, this one also shows some of the best blonde-brunette action of 2007.]
*2007 Porn Star Fight Club Video Awards: “Best Compilation; DVD; catfighting/wrestling”
Front of the box: Montage of Catherine-Zeta Jones, Catherine Bell, Tricia Helfer, Charlize Theron, etc., in different attire/poses.
Back of the box:
- Bonus 3rd Disc: with ‘suitable for framing’ printable, hi-res photos of the ‘top 20’ in fight attire. Also, action clips - some from “never before seen” home movies! Naturally, early movie quality is grainy and where possible has been digitally enhanced and colorized©.
- Bonus 4th Disc: “Top 20 Blondes of ALL TIME!”** A made-for-DVD documentary by BLONDE! Magazine. Includes everything from grainy 8mm home movies to state-of-the-art video with Fay Wray, Carol Lombard, Jean Harlow, Joan Blondell, Betty Grable, Mitzi Gaynor, Doris Day, Marilyn Monroe, Janet Leigh, Jayne Mansfield, Anita Ekberg, Anna Nicole Smith (Playmate years), Charlize Theron, Paris Hilton, Danni Ashe and more.
** Research funded by grants from IMDB.com, The Hilton Group, The Stanton Foundation, and The National Endowment for the Arts.
- “Hair Colour Matters”*: British documentary with interviews of the three academicians who wrote the ground-breaking study. Includes interviews with sociologists, biologists, cultural experts, etc. Provides the final word on the blonde vs. brunette question. * Study funded by L’Oreal.
- “Cat Bell Rates the Blondes”: Hall-of-Fame brunette Cat Bell takes an in depth look at the best blondes in the business today, analyzing their weaknesses/strengths. Bell uses footage from her personal video collection of the blondes in action to illustrate her points.
- “Charlize Theron Rates the Brunettes”: Chaz returns the favor! Theron reveals time-tested brunette-busting strategies, putting the best of the breed under a microscope. Includes exclusive video of Theron in action using her techniques to dominate brunettes.
- “Out Takes and Blooper Reel”:
- Scene Selection Feature
Scenes 1-9 contain set-ups for the fights that follow; climactic moments of previous bouts with the participants; pressers in which one/both shoot off their mouth about their rival; tabloid TV clips of one/both women leaving the scenes of ambushes, etc., all setting the scene for the ‘hard feelings’ bouts that follow…
Scenes 10-24: COMPLETE Catherine Zeta Jones-Britney Spears Apartment Bout. London (February 2007)
Scene 15: Midway through the fight - pace has really slowed - girls basically swapping hugs and bodylocks at this point. Britney's wearing her sparkly black MTV two piece rig: Catherine's in sporty yellow bikini. Britney on the bed, up on her knees, facing Cathy standing on the floor. Zeta Jones bearhugging Britney chest to chest - mic catches soft grunting as the girls squirm, press and flex. Britney gasping, looking forlorn over Cathy's right shoulder: Catherine's cinching in, face calm, intense.
Slowly, Britney works her right hand down into the hold, burrowing it under Cathy's left arm to her back. Straining hard, Spears brings her left elbow down into the hold, working in stages to wriggle the left hand in under CZJ's rounded right arm. After about a minute of inching progress, Britney's able to hug up tight, reversing the hold and squeezing a gasp of shock from Zeta Jones.
Polite applause off camera: Britney's lips form a tight line as left hand grabs right wrist to really grind away. Jones lips part, eyes frowning - she palms Britney's golden shoulders, trying to think what to do. Jones tries a few slapping right forearm smashes across Britney's back - thick and spanky!
Spears gritting her teeth, ignores this. Jones goes to work breaking the hold exactly the same way Britney had - sliding her left elbow down in between the bodies, gradually working that hand down under Brit's right arm - then doing the same with the other hand. Slow, sensual struggle, but Jones finally secures a grip, jerks up on her hug and squeezes a shout of dismay from poor Britney.
Scene 17: Jones still hugging bed-bound Britney: Spears still up on her knees, tummy to tummy with her tormentress. Jones methodical - breaks her own hold, using her right hand to push Britney's left arm up and over - then Jones resecures the hug (left hand gripping right wrist), trapping Spears' limb awkwardly between the girls' opposing heads (Brit's left cheek; Catherine's left cheek) Arm dangles straight out over CZJ's left shoulder - clear sign of Britney's fatigue at this point!
Jones breaks hug once again, balling her right fist, shoving a short, pumping punch into Spears' ribcage. Moist crack of knuckle on meat - Britney just absorbing the shot with a frowning pout. Catherine palms at Britney's ribs, patting her flank, then re-balls that fist, shoving home another workmanlike right - same spot, landing flat with the knuckles. Jones stays with the tactic - hugging up at times to resecure Brit; palming right hand into Brit's body; patting her twice, then ramming in another short right.
Spears panting in discomfort as blows land in her paunch as well as ribs; takes her several moments before she can bring that raised left arm up and around, finally gripping Catherine over-under. Jones breathing through her mouth, accepts the clinch, also gripping Britney over/under - both girls rallying, trying to muster fresh reserves to break the stalemate.
Scene 19: Exhausted Zeta Jones walking around hands on hips, mouth-breathing, clearly spent. Behind her, Britney doubled over, standing on carpet, hands on knees - she's taking deep breaths. Brit straightens, grimacing - starts walking after Jones. Camera takes inventory of weary thighs and backsides jiggling as girls stagger flat-footed on carpet. Slow pursuit - Britney eventually walking Cathy down from behind, slipping a left hand into the yellow waistband of Jones' trunks.
CZJ keeps plodding forward - Britney following with her hand tugging at bottoms. Finally, Britney tugs hard enough to halt Jones, following up with a thick, slapping right forearm in Jones' lower back. Moist "SMEK!" sounds out - Jones groggily pouting, black hair clinging in wet ringlets to her bare breasts - she tries to turn but Britney palms her hips, keeping position behind.
Britney's right knee jerks up into Catherine's right buttock - bunching up the meat. Jones stumbles slightly - Brit still palming brunette hips, steps-with. Another knee rams up into meat: Jones blubbers aloud, cranky with punishment. Another knee - Jones' legs give way: she stumbles forward onto the bed, bending over, her hands on it. Brit stands behind, hands on CZJ’s hips, blowing hair out of her eyes as she looks things over.
Scene 21: Zeta Jones seated on edge of bed, feet on floor. Britney behind on her knees, working Jones over. Brit's left hand palms Jones forehead, pulling head back; Britney going to work with big, methodical right forearms slamming the massive Jones rack flat! These are down-and-across blasts, smudging the puppies with a side-swiping arc - Britney giving it to Catherine Irish-Washerwoman style!
Catherine's face pinched in pain, pouting as she soaks the hits: Catherine's breasts spanked, jiggling after contact; Britney's right arm lifting - fist balled - then slamming down beefy. With Catherine shuddering and well-softened, Brit snuggles in close, goes to her haunches and slides a hug in tight around Catherine's battered breasts. Britney's left hand gripping her right, pushing up to bulge those hulking Welsh jugs. Catherine moans in pain, dropping her head back to Britney's left shoulder.
Pretty beefy: Catherine's thick upper arms smudge against Britney's as blonde squeeeeezes: Spears chin digging in on Cathy's right shoulder. Jones blubbering - she tries to turn-right, her left arm extended up; she turns left, her right arm up, trying to relieve the terrible pressure on her goods. Britney's left hand regrips, fingers re-wrapping on that right wrist: she's got Cathy SNUG!
Scenes 25-28: Brittany Daniel vs. Jodie Foster + Holly Hunter; Hollywood Apartment Match (July 4, 2007)
Scene 25: The three are introduced together and the older, far more diminutive Foster-Hunter team clearly looks outclassed - so much so that promoters announce both are allowed on the carpet at the same time for up to two minutes during changeover. Daniel, appearing cocky, doesn’t protest as the wiry, well-muscled Holly Hunter steps out to begin. It’s apparent the Foster-Hunter team wants to make frequent changes to take advantage of their rule advantage and the early going shows them bogging Daniel down in a series of double-teams.
Scene 27: After ten minutes, Daniel succeeds in isolating Foster on the far side of the room and her size, strength and youth allow her to control the fast-fading Foster who is unable to get off her back. A series of gulping bucks and a lengthy period of futile leg thrashing avails her naught as the powerful Daniel keeps her pinned, wearing her down until Jodie is left limp and winded.
Scene 28: Brittany gives the fans their money’s worth as she leaves Jodie Foster panting after her tap-out and walks over to Hunter and invites her onto the carpet for the final few minutes left on the clock. Holly doesn’t hesitate, but without her partner to help her, it’s over in a matter of three or four minutes when Brittany slams Holly, mounts her and then rides her way to a surprisingly one-sided victory. Foster and Hunter were just too small for a younger, stronger opponent like Daniel in this apartment match.
Scenes 30-38: Angie Harmon/Tricia Helfer Apartment Wrestling (August 07)
Scene 37: Tricia (metallic baby blue bikini); Angie (metallic burgundy bikini). Stunning, one-sided upset as Helfer accidentally hit her head hard on the carpet early and lies groggy, unable to defend herself. Harmon has her straddled, mounted and in deep, deep trouble. Angie seated on Tricia's tummy; left hand gripping Tricia's slender left wrist; pressing it tight across Helfer's breasts. Harmon delivering bold right hand slaps - long fingers clapping again and again to Tricia's left cheek.
Great camera work - sometimes focusing on Tricia's face rocked right; lolling back into position - sometimes on Angie drawing her hand back, then pouring it to Trish. Helfer gulps her hips: Angie rides it out, resettles herself on blonde tummy, resumes slapping. Tricia's eyes welling up, lips parting - she's stunned. Tricia's right hand comes up to block: Angie's right pushes it out of the way, then slaps Trish across her left eye. Steady beat of slaps sounding out sharp and clear in apartment - Tricia's body growing still - long legs stretching out on carpet.
Tricia's right hand near her shoulder, wrist bent back. Angie lips tight as she leans into the strokes, slapping Tricia back to the stone age. Harmon's face shiny with sweat - she takes a moment to mop her brow with her right forearm, then reaches the right hand flat to hand-smother Tricia. Blonde moaning, writhing head side to side, eyes frowned shut: her right hand comes up to pull at Angie's; Tricia's left hand still being pushed into her breasts. Harmon patient, thoughtful, relentless: she goes back to slapping Tricia - occasionally grabbing Helfer's chin with the right hand to bring her face back into position. Poor Trish - eyebrows high, eyelashes fluttering - she's had it!
"Stop...Angie stop..." Helfer mumbles, quitting. BUT ANGIE KEEPS AT IT! Harmon stern-faced, eyes blazing, slaps Trish out! Helfer's face turns slowly to the right as she relaxes into the KO.
Gorgeous slap-out romp earns Angie "AP Comeback Fighter of the Year" honor.
Harmon also ‘honored’ for "Most Heinous Performance" by BLONDE! Magazine.
Scenes 39-45: Kiana Tom vs. Julianne Hough; Hawaiian Apartment MMA Bout (Sept. 2007)
(Hough in emerald bikini; black kneepads; small black MMA gloves; hair in perky ponytail, bangs framing face. Kiana in black bikini, black kneepads, small black MMA gloves).
Scene 40: Kiana obviously less mobile than young blonde dance phenom. Julianne lithe about the carpet, circling Kiki, feinting her - Tom turning, fists collected under her chin. Julianne working over Kiana's lead (left) plant leg with cracking kicks from Julie's right foot - harsh, clapping impacts drawing winces from Tom. Kiki trying to walk Julianne down, but when she gets close - Juli pushes both hands on Kiana's shoulder or head, scoots around her while guiding her past - Hough managing her distance beautifully. General clockwise rotation around the room as Julianne scores, sidesteps, looks pretty and fresh. Tom scowling, limping already - this scene shows about a dozen systematic kicks landed loud to Kiki's left leg.
Scene 42: Kiki breaking down, favouring her left leg, mobility down to almost nil. Juli cranking it up a notch on her kicks - lips pursed as she exhales on her strikes. Hop-switching her stance (from left foot forward, to right foot forward), Juli twists into a vicious left foot swinging kick to Kiana's ribcage. Cruel, thudding impact sounds out, buckling Kiki's knees - she backs away cringing, desperately hurt as Julianne bounces away, smiling.
Scene 43: Kiana hurt, limping: Julianne light on her feet, shiny-sweaty, ponytail dancing - she's obviously enjoying herself. From left foot forward stance, Julianne sweeps her right foot in a dramatic inside-out loop, catching Kiki inside her left arm and spinning her around to the wall. Juli following through smoothly, steps her right foot down, plants on it, kicks her left foot up sharp n' snappy to Kiana's lower back. Tom cries out, drops to her right knee, both hands on the wall. Julianne stands in martial arts stance, left fist at shoulder, right fist forward and lower (palm down), right foot forward - she shouts "HAH!" baring her perfect teeth, waiting for Kiki to get up.
Scene 44: Brutal, methodical body-kicking from Hough - she's just circling around on balls of her feet, fists collected together at her chest. Right leg, left leg - Julianne planting and delivering effortlessly from either side, pounding away at Kiki's throbbing flanks, trembling tummy, broke-down ribs. Tom shouting in pain, cringing, stumbling, trying to block kicks with her elbows. Sharp, cracking noise of Julianne's bare feet on Kiana's body sounds out loud - audience is subdued as Julianne's taking her brunette apart. Towards end of the scene - Juli edges in close, plants on right leg, kicking her left leg up and taking Kiana full in the tummy with thigh/knee/shin rather than foot. Keek kicked up onto her toes, shouting in pain - she drops straight down to all fours as Julianne struts away, adjusting her ponytail. Clapping from off-camera at Hough's marvelous precision and power - totally outclassing Kiana to this point.
Scene 45: Kiki hauling herself up off the carpet once again - she's being allowed to regroup time and again - Julianne's carrying her. Hough steps in a strong right-leg front-kick, exhaling through pursed lips as she takes Kiki in the pit of her tummy. Tom shunted into the wall, hands up, eyes blinking, lips parted: Julianne moves in, clasps her hands behind Kiana's neck. Out of the neck clasp - Julianne starts to work with knees to Kiana's ribs and breasts, pulling the Amazin' Asian's head down to help out. Kiki grunting, pulling at Julianne's forearms, but unable to break the neck clasp. Keek resorting to thrashing rights and lefts against Hough's flat tummy - lapping blows lack blonde-stopping zip at this point. Kiki really getting beat up in her body as Julianne gets in with one grim, pulverizing right knee after another. It's all too much for Kiana: she finally wilts to carpet. Julianne doesn't back off this time: she goes to her knees, hands on Kiki's back as poor Tom crouches low onto her haunches, her right side against the wall. Hough's left knee slightly forward, her left hand on Kiana's back - Julianne SLAMS away repeat right hands to Kiana's shuddering golden-brown left flank. Poor Kiki turtling up, covering her head with her hands as she cowers, soaking it up to her ribs. Hough pounding away, wiry body tense with striking vigour: audience members finally move in to pull her off defenceless Kiki.
Scenes 46-56: Jennifer Connelly-Jessica Alba in Luxury Miami Beach Apartment Action (October 2007)
Connelly: black bikini, slick wet ponytail; Jess: lemon yellow bikini, long low blonde ponytail.
Scene 47: Girls standing on carpet (Jess to the left of your screen). Jen moving in to embrace up top: Jess fits a tidy, pumping little right hand punch to Connelly's solar plexus. Feisty, jamming sort of blow: Connelly cramping up "UHH-PP!" Chin tilted up as chest jerks forward - eyebrows arched high, eyes closed, lips parted as she soaks the shot. Alba quick and supple: she pushes Jen's left arm up and over, trapping it between the girls when Jess embraces Jen over Connelly's right shoulder and around her head. Slow, sensual stepping as Jess shifts to her right - Connelly frowning, all trussed up: Jess has her in a bit of a choke, cinching up to get Jen's trapped left arm against her throat. Alba very pretty here - not rushing - her left cheek in snug against Jen's left shoulder, keeping that arm immobilized - Jess positioned off Jen's left flank as they turn. Connelly's right hand fretting at Jessica's left lat - fingers splayed against the muscle. Eventually - working millimeters at a time - Jen's able to use her right hand to push Jessica's left arm up and over, breaking the choke. Clapping applause from off camera as both girls circle away with thoughtful expressions.
Scene 49: Alba's wrestled Jen to her back - Jess takes control with a sinewy cross body. Alba's long, tanned legs scissor up Jennifer's right arm; Alba's hands take a firm grip on Jennifer's left wrist, stretching that limb out. Connelly frowning, grunting - she's bridging up violently: all Alba can do to maintaining her body-grip - sinuous legs and back rigid with effort. As Jen settles down, breathing hard - Jessica's left hand slides back, looking for hand smother!
Jen moans, "mmmmm! mmmmmmm!" as she tosses her head side to side: Jessica's left elbow up, trying to place her long fingers across Jen's nose and mouth. Jess smiling, feeling her foe wriggling around beneath her and loving it. After a minute, Jess shifts her weight, abandoning the hand-smother to focus instead on Jennifer's midsection. Jess using her left hand to secure Jen's outstretched left wrist - blonde now lifts her right elbow up, shoving an awkward right hand straight down onto Jennifer's tummy. Connelly tight-lipped, scowling, resumes her bucking bridges: she won't be tummy punched without a struggle.
Scene 52: Jennifer takes control on the carpet: here she has a good solid cradle in place. Jen on top, her back against Jessica's tummy/chest; Jen's left arm looped around Jessi's head; Jen's right arm looped around Jessi's right leg; Jen's hands chicken-gripped tight at her chest, neatly folding Jessica double. Poor Alba squirms, whimpers as her breath comes out in labored puffs: sinewy muscles of Jen's shoulder and upper chest shred into view. Cradle softens Jess, weakens her: after about a minute - Connelly lifts her left knee up, wriggling to scissor up Jessica's left arm. Connelly releases Jessica's leg, using the right hand now to grab Jessi's trapped left wrist, pulling the limb in snugger between the scissoring legs. Jennifer curls onto her left side, getting her weight higher on Jess - Jen's left arm still securing Jessica around her head. HAND SMOTHER! Jennifer with great coiled position on Jess, calmly brings the right hand up and fits it across Jessica's mouth: Alba's legs kick, her head squirms side to side as she protests the maneuver, "mmmmmmuuuu mmmmmmm!"
Scene 55: Strong, strong position for Connelly - Jessi spending up tons of energy fighting off hand smothers, kicking her legs up and out, bridging etc. Connelly sometimes abandoning the hand smother to secure a side headlock - always while maintaining that scissor-trap around Alba's left arm. Alba's right hand out of the play - it frets at Connelly's back, or pulls at Connelly's right shoulder from behind - useless, panicky gestures. Jen occasionally using the heel of her right hand to pound at Jessi's forehead - just short little thumps to the hairline, causing Jess to writhe anew and cry out in discomfort.
Jen occasionally taunting, holding her right fist up: "Want me to punch your eye? Hey? How 'bout I punch your face? Want that?" Jessica blubbering and wriggling anew as Jennifer toys with blondes fears.
Scenes 57 to 69: Ali Landry vs Kathryn ‘Kat’ Heigl; Hollywood Apartment Action (November 2007)
Landry in navy blue bandeau bra (spaghetti strap support) and panties with baby blue pin dots. Heigl in baby blue lace push up, baby blue swimsuit bottom with white polka dots.
Scene 59: Long, sweaty big-girl battle has been pretty much Heigl on top, but not securing submissions or really doing a lot, other than making Ali take weight. Now, Ali's got Kathy standing, pushed up against a closed door (dark brown door against white wall). Tired girls panting, grunting with the effort of pushing against each other. Ali's left arm is looped over Katherine's right shoulder, in behind her head. Ali works to push Kathy's left arm up and over: Heigl writhing, pulls the limb back down: it's Ali's right hand grabbing at Kathy's left wrist, trying to get control. Eventually, Ali gets Kathy's arm to go where Landry wants it: pushing against Kathy's throat, limb dangling straight over Ali's left shoulder. Mission accomplished, Ali snuggles close, pushing her head in close to Kathy's to keep the limb trapped - Ali's right hand cupping the ball of Heigl's left shoulder. Heigl squirming, frowning over Ali's left shoulder - blonde really being pinned hard here.
Ali balls up her right fist, plugs it short n' thick to the beef of Kathy's tummy. Moist gasp from Katherine, then a long grunt as she tries to push Ali off - Heigl with her right hand flat against Ali's left lat muscle. Ali squirms, pushing in to keep Heigl in check: camera pans down to catch those two hard-working tummies, shuddering as the girls breathe hard.
Scene 63: Landry works with short, thick, methodical right hands, jamming away systematically to Heigl's exposed left-side ribs and quivering tummy THUMP, THUMP, THUMP. Ali taking her time here to re-establish weight on Kathy - pushing in after scoring a punch - the right hand pressing flat against Kathy's left shoulder or ribs, helping to hold her down.
Kathy growing increasingly desperate: she whines as her right hand yanks down at Ali's brawny left shoulder from behind, then pushes up on it. Ali slugs at Katherine's gut - just jammin' 'em in blind. Landry breathing through pursed lips, pacing herself - feet pushing on carpet, legs and buttocks humming with effort of keeping all those blonde curves under control. Ali's mouth-on-shoulder for the most part, eyes staring into the door, hard with concentration.
Scene 69: Kathy petulant - she reaches up with her free right hand to grab at the wrist of her trapped left arm, trying to muscle her way into the clear. Ali responds with a shoving tummy punch - right arm just short-pumping it in there snug - then more pushing as Ali licks her lips, feeling Kathy's intentions through body contact. Poor Kathy moans: she just can't get off the wall, can't protect her tummy. Ali wedges in another right hand, punching a grunt from Katherine's lips.
KATHY TAPS ON ALI'S BACK! Robust burst of applause as Heigl quits, her right hand patting at Ali's left lat. Ali pushes up off her, running hands through damp, tangled dark-brown locks, standing there looking at Heigl. Kathy shuddering, leaning up against the wall - face in hands, head bowed as she breaks down into exhausted tears. Ali smiles, turns away, waving at the camera. Good comeback win for bouncy brunette tempered by the fact that she flagrantly broke the "no-punch" clause for this particular bout by slugging the win out of Kathy's guts. Net result: Ali is fined, but fine is paid by one of her ardent admirers who appreciates a good body-punch stoppage.
Scenes 70-79: Sunny McKay vs. Eiko Matsuda + Kei Mizutani; Honolulu Penthouse (Dec. 7, 2007)
Kiana Tom the driving force behind a ‘Pacific Rim Throwdown’ for the 65th anniversary of the Japanese sneak attack on the near-by American naval base. The climax of day-long festivities: a series of matches with Chinese, Korean, Australian and New Zealand fighters facing Japanese - plus several with Americans against Japanese. T
The score was 10 apiece going into this, the final, bout.
Matsuda is Mizutani’s “domme” (they appear in Japanese porn films and compete in ‘handicap’ matches together.) McKay, an Australian porn legend, was on her way to Los Angeles to appear at a porn star club and filled in as a last minute replacement for a New Zealand bodybuilder who “called in sick” the day before her match.
Scene 72: Sunny smirking as she easily controls the action against the smaller tag team; showing her dominance over the younger, smaller duo with a series of throws, flips and grinding holds. Sunny traps Kei in a neutral corner and really works her lush body with pummeling punches and hard-driving knees. Mizutani not liking the ‘hard stuff’ quickly slumps to her butt, hands raised in supplication. McKay ignores the pleas for mercy, hair-hauling the wailing Asian out of the corner, juggs-a-jumpin’, then Monkey Flips her clear across the ring.
Scene 75: No respite for the Japanese duo as Sweet Sunny flings the exhausted Kei Mizutani out over the top rope into the sand, then beckons her lover/partner Eiko forward. Grim-faced Eiko glances at her panting partner, then slips thru the ropes and charges toward McKay who hardly has a hair out of place after five minutes of non-stop action! Sunny lunges forward, arm extended for a devastating Clothesline, but veteran Eiko ducks under and drives the point of her elbow into McKay’s “moneymaker.” Cunt-crushed, McKay collapses to her knees in agony, hands clutching her groin; then with tears streaming down her pale cheeks topples forward with her right cheek on the mat and her butt raised.
Scene78: Eiko and Kei, working flawlessly as a duo since Eiko’s crushing elbow smash to Sunny’s ‘sweet meat,’ double-teaming the breathless blond while referee Kiana Tom looks on impassively, ignoring demands from the crowd that she get the illegal partner out of the ring. But Tom’s clearly enjoying McKay’s distress too much to interfere and the Japanese girls are having a field day with McKay’s taut body, slamming fists into her rapidly softening abs, kicking and elbow smashing her thighs and hamstrings until she can no longer stand. Sunny crawling on all fours, frantic to find a way out of the ring to escape these ‘foreign devils.’
Scene 79: It’s all over but the shouting now; Sunny McKay unable to resist is wrapped up and slammed flat on her back under the combined weight of the tiny Japanese who take turns using their ‘bionic breasts’ to smother the weakened blond to within an inch of unconsciousness…then trade places, slap her awake and start all over again. It’s a travesty on sportsmanship, but it’s an erotic scene as the haughty Aussie stripper finally goes out under four mammoth mountains of artificially enhanced Japanese mammary!
Scenes 80-82: Reese Witherspoon vs. Natalie Portman (Sandals Resort - SummerNationals 2007)
Scene 80: It’s already over for Reese when we pick up the action - she’s on her back, topless, all but out. Skimpy baby blue bottoms just about as worn out as she is. Face is shiny - lolling off to her right: lips pursed, eyes closed. Hands above her head, palms up - like she’s just been laid down upon a bed. Blonde hair damp, back off her face, glistening in the sun. It’s blistering hot: Reese’d be sweating even if she weren’t getting her ass kicked. Reese lies on a white-sand beach, the gentle, rolling dunes of which run down to translucent blue-green water that can only be found in the Caribbean. Tufts of some sturdy grass dot the landscape, blowing in a moist tropical breeze.
Natalie sits back on her haunches, squatting heavily in Reese’s stomach, breathing hard. Portman’s in her sturdy navy fighting bandeau with low rise hipster bottoms. Brunette turns her face up to the sun, running hands through brown hair sopping wet with perspiration. She shakes her right hand out, wincing, looking down at her foe. Reese begins to stir - head lolling back to the left now. Portman takes it in with a slight frown.
“Damn-it Reese,” Portman mutters, “Give.”
“Mmmmmmmm….” Reese mumbles, gently bucking her hips almost imperceptibly - as though she still had enough to topple Natalie. Left side of Reese’s face is puffy - courtesy Natalie’s right hands. Witherspoon should be surrendering: instead, she’s taking.
“Fine,” Portman breathes. “Be that way!”
Scene 81: Natalie slaps her palms down on Reese’s fleshy breasts working and kneading the meat with wide-splayed fingers. Reese groans, head sloshing back to the right, closed eyes frowning. Natalie slaps and massages the ribcage - drawing her open hands across the lightly bronzed beef - pushing at it, feeling it’s firmness. It’s good meat, Natalie admits. Reese just lies there moaning, hands above her head - too beaten to resist, too proud to submit.
Natalie punches a right hand into Reese’s body. It’s a working woman’s right - the elbow crooked and out to the side; the punch slammed in flat to the ribs with a hollow thump. Reese frowns groggily, lips parting, but her arms stay lifeless, up and out in a parody of surrender. Nat shifts her hips back a bit. Her left hand braces at Reese’s chest - the thumb tracing the line of Witherspoon’s right under-breast as the fingers curl round the side. Portman licks her lips as she bends to her purpose: pouring a steady stream of right hands into Reese’s shiny torso.
Knuckles crack against rib-meat with a fresh spank; lungs drum out a hollow THUD. Portman’s slender, not strong - her punches to Reese’s face proved that. But on the body, Natalie can work all day if she has to. Her left hand slips on Reese’s conquered right breast: Portman shifts it to her own left knee instead, leaning into her work.
Reese shudders - her head tossing to the left, eyes still shut. She’s just absorbing, sponging the work, her arms lifeless, unable to defend her. Natalie shifts her hips, raises the left fist and plows it in, spelling the right. She loads and plows the right hand in - sweat beading off the tip of her nose and dropping down onto Reese’s battered chest. Left, right, left, right - Natalie’s elbows up and out to either side as she works the offending ribcage.
Scene 82: Natalie shifts weight again, setting herself to dig in with repeat rights. It’s all about beating Witherspoon’s torso now. Portman getting into it - occasionally slapping her hands flat against the ribs or chest, pushing at Reese, bunching up the flesh, then getting back to the hard work of pounding deadweight blonde.
“Okay...” Reese gurgles - her voice a pitiful sigh. She’s shuddering slightly with little KO’d tears. “Okay...give. Give.”
Reese’s arms haven’t moved through the whole ordeal - she’s just laid there, taking it from Natalie. Portman sits back on her haunches, panting - wiping her brow with her left forearm. Beneath her, Reese’s torso glows wet and shabby in the sun.
Scenes 83-85: Jessica Alba vs. Kelly Hu (San Diego Invitational, October 13-15, 2007)
Scene 83: Alba in her ‘Into the Blue’ bikini, teal top; thin striped bottom, is on her back - long blonde hair strewn out from her head, baring her face to the sun. She's blubbering, hurting; lips quivering back off her teeth. She's trying to rally off her back, but it's not looking good! Alba's beat, and that's all there is to it. Her left hand creeps down to her inner left thigh close to the line of her bottoms.
Kelly Hu's on her knees in the sand just off Alba's left flank - Asian in white crochet bikini soft against her bronzed skin. Her black hair blows in the Hawaiian sea breeze; in the distance, green water crashes against the surf in majestic rolls. Kelly pulls Jessica's hand away from her groin, replacing it with her own right hand.
"It's mine now," Kelly says in childish tones of mindless cruelty. "This leg is mine."
Jessica blurts in protest, starting to cry again as Kelly pulls the left leg up, hugging it gently, then securing it in the crook of her left elbow. Her right hand forms talons, clutching at the meat of Jessica's tanned inner thigh, the pinkie right snug against the line of Jessi's bottom. Alba tilts her head back into the sand, bawling out. Her left hand flutters down to Kelly's hard knuckles, pulling at her tormentress' wrist.
Kelly releases her claw; balls her right fist, leans in over her haunches to slam the side of her fist against Jessica's tight tummy. Alba gurgles, surprised by the belly shot, choking on it. Kelly frowns like a girl having a tantrum - giving Jessica one more hammer-style blow before standing.
Scene 84: Kelly pulls Jessica's left leg up, steps across the blonde, turning her belly down into the sand. Alba's whimpering, panting, hair clinging wet to her shoulders. Kelly throws the left leg down, using her foot to shimmy it in next to Alba's right, then Hu goes to her haunches, squatting down hard on Alba's hamstrings.
Jessica's groggy: she props up on her elbows - looking right, looking left - concerned, and dim with punishment.
Kelly's hands push into the meat of Jessica's buttocks as the Hawaiian shimmies slightly forward, getting comfy on Jessica's thighs. Hu pulls hair away from her mouth, tucking it behind her ear, then leans forward to get to work.
She wedges her right hand in between Jessica's legs, thumb sliding into the sealed space between left buttock and leg; her grip tightening on the groin and hamstring. Kelly slides her left hand in to grip in just beneath the left buttock, her wrists crossing. Satisfied, Kelly suddenly REEFS on the hammie-clamp, giving it her all.
Scene 85: Jessica screams - her head turned to the right, eyes shut tight. She turns her head to the left, reaching her left arm back to her buns, but she can't hope to pull Kelly's hands out. Screaming afresh, Jessica buries her face in her hands, then forms fists in her hair, pulling against the pain. Kelly's tugging. Her head throws back and forth as she wrenches and clenches - black locks tossing. Her taut, body-shaper biceps bulge sweetly into view; her shoulders shred up. Kelly's jugs - framed on either side by her rigid arms - bulge and jostle with her vicious efforts.
Sunlight pools in Kelly's sweat, reflecting white off her brown shoulders, breasts, forearms. It's slippery in between Jessica's quivering thighs - Kelly grimaces as she frequently re-secures her grip like a bull rider cinching up the rope - then she's pulling and clamping with all her might.
"I GIVE! I GIVE! I GIIIIIVE! KELLYYYYYYY!" Jessica's voice breaks: half scream; half blubbering wail.
Hu shouts "WOO!" in ecstasy - throwing her arms up and out, then pushing hands through the tangled black mass of her hair. Jessica's shuddering beneath her, face down in her hands, crying. Kelly slaps her right hand against the brown of Jessica's right hip,rises with a big smile, stands there straddling prone Jessica, looking down at her and drinking in the quit.
DISC #2: “IT’S ALL ABOUT CHARLIZE”
Scenes 1 to 12: Theron vs Bridget Moynihan, Aspen Fist Fight (Spring ski season).
Mountain chalet surroundings - big snow drifts all about - bright sunshine over head. Fight takes place on a large wooden patio-porch - normally seating revelers, but cleared of tables for this contest. Bridget in white bikini, black hair, big fluffy white snow boots. Charlize in midnight blue bikini with silver chain connections hip and jug, shoulder length blonde tangled curls. At the perimeters of the porch - guys and girls of the jet-set: many of the girls also bikini-and-boot clad for the occasion. Very boisterous - girls hooting and hollering as the fighters mix it up.
Scene 2: Bridget tall and angular, slow-steppin' to her left in a wide stance, pushing off her back (right) big toe as she bare-knuckle jabs at CT's face. Theron looking a little stunned here - facing into the poke: her dukes chest-high, not impeding Moynihan in the least. Bridgy methodical - cracking in a good stiff left, extending on it nicely, holding her right fist near her mouth. Bridget scores, pivots left around her plant leg (the left) - eyes hard, narrowed with concentration as she shifts around, turning Charlize. Moynihan giving sexy little shoulder-rolls with her left arm just before punching, getting her timing down. Fist sounds out sharp in the crisp mountain air: Theron's head giving a little jolt as she's tapped and tapped again - she's jab-drunk, not answering back. Moynihan rangy and relaxed, lips curling when she gets off; legs pale, chiselled as she plants, pivots.
Scene 3: Bridgy very rhythmic, just pounding away at a willing blonde. Theron shaking her head at times, scowling drowsy - legs look a little unsteady as time passes and she keeps sponging knuckle. After over a minute of target practice, Bridget starts shaking out her left hand after landing, wincing; CT busting up some, looking vaguely cranky to be getting her face pasted - finally raises her fists to her eyebrows, hunching her shoulders, grimacing. Bridget's left hand grips CT's right wrist: Moynihan swings her right wide and low, taking Theron in her ribs. Charlize blurts in pain, cringing, twisting to her left - her right wrist still in Moynihan's grasp. Wading forward, Bridget slugs right hands wide to Charlize's tummy as blonde craters sideways, hitting the wooden railing surrounding the patio. Lusty roar goes up from the crowd as Moynihan bares her teeth, pushing CT into the corner of the patio and looking to stamp palm-down criss-cross to CT's chest.
Scene 5: Action has slowed - CT's been steadily eating into Bridget's lead. Girls wander around the patio, holding dukes loose at chests - faces bleak, lips parted. Both are disheveled, well worn at this point. One or the other will maintain contact with an extended left caressing hip, flank or shoulder as the other staggers about - both are scoring in turns. Charlize with her right hand cocked, looks for chances to thrust it into Bridget's ribs with short, pulverizing action - stamping it onto Moynihan, then pulling it back hot. Bridget gurgling in pain, but bravely engaging, dipping either shoulder, popping her hips to either side and lashing CT bad licks to the body. Pleasing whiplash delivery from Moynihan; Theron cringing, titling forward as she soaks it up.
Scene 7: CT has Bridget in the patio corner - left arm round Moynihan's back, slumping her forward for pumping rights amidships. Charlize brutal, methodical, heartless - lips pouting, hair in her eyes as she jams one sledgehammer right after another up into her foe's lean breadbasket. Bridget doubling up, sobbing as she's struck - she's a helpless vixen, taking it to the body from a vengeful blonde goddess. Moynihan very loose, drooping forward: Theron takes her time switching position to slug left while riding her right arm round Bridget's back. Sensual to watch Charlize change sides - her arm threading under Bridget's arm to wrap at her back - Moynihan stoopid with punishment, lets herself be managed.
Scene 12: Bridget leans back in the corner, her elbows up on the wood rail to either side of her. Head lolling, eyelashes flickering - she's all but out. CT stands in front of her, licking swollen lips; left eye puffy and sore - she's ragged, but alert, applying the finishing touches. CT's left fingertips touch Bridget's chest to locate her, then a muscular, slinging right clouts on through, belting Moynihan's head back; back arching against the rail.
Theron straightens, shaking out her right hand, licking her lips again: poor Moynihan slops forward slightly, hair across her face, weight on her elbows. CT crowds in close, carrying her right hand into the pit of Bridget's tummy: Moynihan spills forward into Theron's embrace with a woozy shout. Charlize lingers a moment with her brunette, then gently shoves her back into the corner. CT takes a moment, moving away to plunge her right fist into a nearby pile of snow. Moynihan out on her feet, slumped in the corner, just stands there, waiting for Theron to get back to it.
Another drifting right pitches Bridget's head back and to the right.
A knee slams into Bridget's groin: Charlize with her hands on the rail to either side of Moynihan, putting her shoulder onto Bridget; brunette shudders, stacking her against the rail.
Several guys in the audience calling for the fight to be stopped - but not the girls! They want to see a girl down: it ain't an Aspen fistfight till someone goes down.
A drifting right; a drifting left; a drifting right. Sharp, cracking contact! CT turning into the blows, stroking 'em home.
Moynihan sleepy, getting pasted, face turning this way and that; finally sloshes forward, crashing face-down to the deck. Theron sways on the spot, drowsily staring down, holding her throbbing right hand in her left armpit.
From the “Out Takes” Disc: Jessica Simpson vs. Linda Park
Setting/Attire: Penthouse Apartment. White walls; wall to wall white fur rug; large bed with white sheets. Jessica in pink ‘Dukes’ bikini, long ‘Dukes’ hair. Linda in bright baby blue bikini similar to Jessica’s. Linda’s darker, smaller-chested, but curvy, cute, and firm. Wears her hair long, tangly, with black curls down her back. Girls pad around barefoot in their swimsuits - talking with guests, combatting anxiety with conversation.
At one point, Jessica’s voice raises in shrill laughter, earning a scowling glance from Linda. When they’re asked to take the floor - Jessica struts forward with her elbows up, jerking ‘em backward to loosen up. Action sets her jugs a-jumpin’ and steals the crowd from Linda.
LINDA WORKS JESSICA’S ARM:
Linda stretches out Jessi’s left arm, twisting it at the wrist. Simpsy yelps, bends forward whining, lips curled off her teeth.
Linda calm - little smile in place. She steps her right leg over Jessica’s arm, putting her buttocks into Jessi’s left side at the shoulder. LInda’s pulling up on the arm, easing herself down: Jessica has no choice but go to her knees.
Linda lays on her left side - still with that calm little smirk, dark eyes dancing. Both her hands have a hard grip on Jessica’s left wrist, yanking that arm up tight between Asian legs. Linda’s ankles cross - she scissors up the arm tight.
Poor Jessica! Simpsy’s panting, trying to pull her arm free. Jessi turns in towards Linda’s back - blonde with her right hand palming Linda’s right hip. Simpsy’s face as seen over Linda’s golden ribs is unhappy, frustrated. Jess loops her right leg over Linda’s legs at times - to no apparent purpose.
LINDA BODY SLAMS JESSICA:
Late in the first fall, Jessica very cranky and shabby - hair disheveled, body limp. She hasn’t done much, just reacting to one move after the other from her competent Asian tormentress.
Linda working slow, methodical: she reaches both hands into Jessi’s hair, pulling her to her feet. Linda staring off into the crowd the whole time, deep in concentration.
Standing face to face with reeling Jess, Linda takes Simpsy’s left arm, tossing it up and over Park’s left shoulder. Linda bends at the knee, reaching her right arm between Jessica’s legs, smoothly scooping Jess up, inverting her, slamming her to the fur rug in one fluid motion. Nice dull thump of blonde deadweight hitting floor. Linda pushes black curls out of her eyes, takes a big step to her right, pivots with her elbow raised: Linda Park drops down elbow-first to Jessica’s sloshing breasts.
Moan of pain, Jessica Simpson: eyes shut tight; arms crossed over her breasts; knees drawn up; bare feet beating on carpet. Linda rolls off smoothly, getting to her feet, adjusting her bottom with a business like ‘snap’ then walks around a writhing Jessica, taking her time to set her up.
Same again - Linda pulls Jess to her feet; tosses that left arm up and over, scoops blonde and WHUMP slams
her without a pause. Park cleans up with the elbow drop in those hulking breasts, keeping Jessica stunned and hurting!
Same again! But this time after the slam - poor Jessica’s on her back, eyes shut, hyperventilating through pursed lips - Linda cleans up with the right elbow drop and Jessica sobs out, rolls on her right side and Park slaps her hands down on blonde haunch and shoulder, pulling Jess back over on her back. Asian quickly covers cross-body; legs scissoring Simpson’s left arm. Park smiling a little smile, tossing her hair back off her face; twisting so she’s propped up on her left elbow; right hand flat over Jessica’s mouth, muffling Simpsy’s cries. Simpson’s feet beat a stomp-tattoo on the carpet…submitting!.
SIMPSON BULLIES PARK WITH SLUGGING:
Jessica bouncing forward, teeth bared, right fist cocked and right arm drawn back as she closes: she slams her right forearm across Linda’s chest, startling her. Park staggers back on her heels, lips parted, eyes wide: Jessica hops in again - right hand way back: this time she sweeps a lusty right roundhouse onto Park’s chin! Linda’s head snaps back - sharp CRACK of blonde knuckle on Asian chin! Park’s arms loose to either side as she wobbles to her right, turns 180, then stumbles to hands and knees some feet away.
Simpsy rushes up behind Linda, kneeling, thrusting her right arm up to the shoulder between Park’s spread legs. THWAP draws a shout of pain from Linda as she’s driven chest-first to the carpet. Simpsy pushes up out of the pile with a happy smile; blows blonde curls out of her eyes with a huff; claps right hand down on raised Asian butt cheeks.
SIMPSON PUTS HER JUGS TO WORK:
Moments after the driving low blow - Linda’s in trouble, on her back, hands at her crotch. Park gasping, eyes shut tight, head lolling side to side. Jessica sitting on her haunches nearby, takes a breather, looking things over.
Simpsy scoots forward, getting up on her knees to approach from off Linda’s right hip. Blonde balls her right fist, punches it crudely down into the pit of Linda’s trembling tummy.
“MUHH!” Linda cries - voice breaking. Her left knee snaps up on reflex. Jess squirms atop paralyzed Asian, mounting her and going belly-down. Jugs push onto Linda’s face: Jessica’s arms wrapping up around Linda’s head, blonde hands clutching at either bicep.
“SNUG!” Jessi shouts - expression all tuff as she moves her head side to side to look things over and check her grips. Blonde curls spill down onto the crown of trapped brunette head.
Linda blubbering under the pile - her slender hips gulping: Jess doing a nice job riding out the movements, bracing with her knees wide to either side.
Linda’s hands press and push at Jessica’s ribs or thighs.
Linda’s hands reach up, pulling at Jessica’s shoulders from behind.
Linda taps on carpet, unable to get loose, breathe, or reverse.
LINDA BEARHUGS JESSICA:
Linda in behind Jessi - both girls standing.
Linda’s arms wrap tight around the ribcage, hands splayed wide at Jessica’s flanks.
Linda arches her back, pulling Jess up off her feet, spooning Jessica’s buttocks into the meat of Asian tummy. Linda’s face happy - eyes shut, eyebrows high, triumphant smile big and toothy.
Poor Jessica! As she’s pulled off her feet, she howls, legs kicking in the air. Jessi’s arms flail about; her hands pull at her hair. Jessica’s head tosses back over Linda’s right shoulder - damp blonde curls clinging to Park’s sweat-streaked face.
JESSICA SHOWS SURPRISING STRENGTH:
Linda’s hurting, stooped forward from a tummy punch, her hands clutching her belly. Linda’s eyes frowned shut, mouth open: she’s vulnerable. Jessica steps in close, crouches down, reaches her right arm in between Linda’s legs and lifts Park up onto her shoulder. Jessica’s hand clasp tight in under Linda’s right buttock - Asian slung over blonde right shoulder, long black hair and both hands dangling down.
Jessica stomps around with her helpless prize (legs looking very sturdy and strong as she plants) then hoists Park up and over. Poor Linda piles into carpet hands, head, shoulders and rump - thumping down in that order. Linda lies on her back, hair in her eyes, knees up - she’s rocked.
Happy Jess struts around grinning, clapping: buttocks and jugs lively in her ‘hot pink’ togs.
JESSICA, ON TOP, GRINDS LINDA:
Simpsy’s got her girl softened up - she kneels, then sprawls atop Linda. Linda’s on her back, legs pointing south: Jessica’s on top, legs pointing north - her tummy covering Linda’s face, pushing it to one side. Jessica’s rump up-thrust, weight on her knees - she hooks Linda’s arms in behind the elbows. Jessica’s head is up, face red with the effort of pinning Linda down.
Big bridge from Park - agonizing to watch ‘cause it’s so expensive for Linda. Tummy comes up; she rolls to her left, spilling Jessica to one side. Simpsy scrambles to her knees, smears Linda onto her back, cross-bodying the Asian.
Another trembling bridge - Linda’s face grimacing, eyes shut tight as she strains to lever Jessica up, then rolling to one side to foil the pin. But Simpson’s undeterred and pushes on top again - always with her breasts or tummy smudging Linda’s face; blonde weight grinding down, making Park work. Linda whimpering, planting her feet flat and bridging over and over again, but she can’t take the initiative from Jess: time and again, Simpsy wrestles her way on top, hounding Park. Once Linda no longer has the strength to bridge - Jessica mounts her, sits in her tummy. Jessica’s left hand takes a hard grip of Linda’s chin, pursing Park’s lips: hard right hand slap busts Linda’s cheek.
Park’s scream muffled by her squished mouth - head can’t go anywhere as she’s shocked to the face. Jessica’s grinning - flipping hair off her right shoulder: she loads up the right hand, slaps Linda hard across her eye.
Park crying - right hand reaching up to Jessica’s left shoulder, fingers pushing in against the meat: Jess slaps another right hand home. Linda’s face goes from stricken, to stunned, gradually relaxing. Jess releases the chin, now pushing her left hand down on Linda’s right shoulder while leaning into those right hands.
Park dazed - her left hand comes up limp and distracted - easily swept aside. Slap after slap - hard, bright, ringing - claps home. Jess loads up, stops her stroke, brightens. Linda’s out - brows relaxed, lips parted. Simpsy takes the opportunity to do a happy ‘butter-churn’ seated atop her foe’s conquered tummy.