Jenny McCarthy vs. Carmen Electra by Barefootfan (Delphi Celebrity Catfight Board 03-27-99)

Both women realized their careers were turning into a joke. They needed a comeback they need it now. The viewers had voted and said they wanted the two to the fight to the death on that silly clay show. Well, the women themselves realized that they stood a better of chance of getting publicity if they did it for real, in person, on the air.

Real facts: Carmen has never spoken of any fights but has one in her new film on video: The Chosen one. She's been photographed in kickboxing gear for a sports mag. Jenny has flashed her bare soles at us on "Singled Out" (kicked off her platforms and put her foot right up to the camera). She has also acted out a catfight on "Totally Paulie" falling to the ground with the other woman (who was barefoot) and losing her shoes as they two pretended to fight for Paulie (good acting, but that idiot kept getting in our line of sight). Lastly, her autobio contains an account of a real fight she had in a bar which ended with her pulling out a tuft of the other girl's hair--which she noted she kept for years as a souvenir of the fight (acted out on her awful show in a cartoon with Jen narrating the story).

The women are desperate and willing to mix it up on TV--they assume they'll do a powder-puff comedy match, but the bloodlust of MTV viewers is going to demand that as the fight continue the girls go for it--tie-in contests are held, they ask other celebs. for comments, the whole nine yards.

The women will fight barefoot in a ring, with small kickboxing gloves, tight-workout pants (with the running stripe down the side), and cleavage-revealing lycra tops. Much ballyhoo proceeds their entry into the ring--all over America, teenage boys are watching the match with their cock in their hands, waiting to see the two gorgeous creatures wail into each other (teenage girls are encouraged to settle their grudges in a similar way, seeing what an effect it has on their boyfriend --a new MTV trend is started!).

The day is hot at the beach, and the women are already sweating: they want to get into it. The match begins: Carmen comes out swinging, bouncing on the balls of her bare feet. Jenny immediately lands a haymaker that surprises her--and leaves a bruise on her right cheek. Realizing that her face might be harmed, Carmen begins to backpedal and tries to connect with a kick to Jenny's midsection. Jenny is hit, and the MTV cameras delight us all by capturing Carmen's foot sinking into Jen's belly--close-up with nice detail of Carmen's sole.

The match is turning serious and both women's foreheads and shoulders and shimmering with sweat--the audience is tribally chanting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" and MTV's rating are shooting through the roof. Carmen decides she's got to finish this off--the blonde Irish brawler is a little crazy and might want to shed the gloves and get into it "for real" (even though all that's happening is real, Carmen wants to proceed by the rules; Jenny more than once had suggested the two simply pull hair and kick for the delectation of the viewers). Carmen tries to deliver a spinning back kick to Jenny's beautiful face, so that she'll sport a shiner also, but Jenny ducks kick (leaving Carmen's foot up in the air, beautifully pointed like a dancer--foot fans sigh in awe of her power) and Carmen falls backward down to the mat. Now, Jenny can have her way....

She vaults down on the fallen Electra and begins swinging away with her fists. Carmen's mouth is bloodied and the MTV execs wonder if they should cut away to another angle--brightly enough, they do for TV, but keep filming the action up close for a home-video they plan to release of the fight (don't us fight fans always get ripped off?). What the closer camera sees is the anger in Electra's eyes as she bucks to get Jenny off of her--what the MTV home-viewer cam sees is a perfect foot shot of both women. Jenny's bare feet move slowly to the left and right as her fists connect with Carmen's face (even on TV, the viewers can hear groans from Carmen and the word "bitch" from Jenny); Carmen lies underneath her, providing us all with perfect sole shots of a defeated warrior. She bucks and finally gets Jenny off.

The women stand up and the cameras pan their disheveled bodies from the feet up--both are drenched in sweat and decide to lose the kickboxing gloves--Jenny has gotten her wish and this will be hairpull contest now, with kicks to reduce your opponent's standing power. The two women come together in slowly--after showing each other manicured claws--and lock up. Jenny pulls Carmen to and fro like a rag-doll but now Carmen can use her bare right foot to kick away at will--the crowd hears the 'oof!" as her kicks connect with Jenny's tight tummy. The fans are on their feet screaming for one of the beautiful women to demolish the other. Carmen's kicks continue to connect and Jenny realizes her only way out is to land a solid punch on Carmen's jaw--Carmen tries to prevent this by yanking her around by the hair, but Jenny connects, and Carmen goes wobbly.

Electra falls to the mat, and Jenny jumps on her. The punches fall like rain as Carmen tries to put her hands up to ward off the blows--the spectators are screaming for blood and a knockout. Since Carmen's bloody mouth had been tended to during the brief pull-apart, Jenny decides to bloody it again--and work on her nose. Carmen grabs Jenny's arms with her sharp-nailed fingers and digs in, causing Jenny to scream in pain (every scream, moan, grunt, and cry is met with a cheer by the bloodthirsty fans--which include several dozen barefoot bikinied women, all pounding their hands on the mat, wanting one fighter to knock the other out). Carmen draws blood from Jenny (finally), but she's finished and knows it. Jenny finally plays to the crowd and winds up a haymaker, hitting Carmen flush in the right cheek, and knocking her unconscious. She then bounces up and does a dance. The men are cheering for her to flash her breasts--but then again, this is being aired on TV--and some propriety must be kept; although there's no such rule about seeing the bare sole of a catfight winner on TV, so Jenny gives what we've all wanted and puts her right foot in the camera, noting to us that she will now make Carmen lick her feet on camera.

The network execs get antsy but leave this kinky climax on, as Jenny gets some beer from a ringside frat boy and begins to dump it on Carmen. Carmen wakes up, only to see Jenny's beautiful sole coming right down on her mouth and nose. As Jenny shouts for her to lick it (and the crowd begins to chant), Carmen's tongue darts out of her mouth and begins to give Jenny a tongue bath. The network execs realize this is a big turn-on so they let it go, but when Jenny reaches down to snatch off Carmen's lycra top and reveal her lush sweaty breasts, the cameras go off for TV broadcast (more for the home-video).

Jenny then tears off the workout pants and begins to stomp her bare toes down on Carmen's wet pussy (both women have become incredibly turned on by the summer heat, the crowd, and their close physical contact). She inserts her toes in Carmen's cunt and begins to pump--the crowd can't even be contained. She then tears off her own top to reveal her tits and makes Carmen come in the center of the ring. Once Carmen has slumped back, the wily Jenny decides it's time for the coup de grace: two final cunt shots from her barefoot, making Carmen equate pleasure with pain, and realize that Jenny is her undisputed master.

The viewers are amazed, knowing the conditions of the match (set out in pre-show contest ads): Carmen will now have to remain barefoot for a full month, she will have to be ridden daily like a horse on the air, she will have to fight whomever Jenny wishes her to in on-air kickboxing matches, and, best of all (privately held bet, not mentioned on the air), she will have to go down on Jenny whenever the Blonde Irish brawler wants it).

The fans at home are wild, and a new form of entertainment is born. Forget those clay figures--from now on, MTV will air no-holds-barred extreme female catfights done in bare feet with no ref. The possibilities are limitless..