Happy Birthday! Hilary Duff vs. Lindsay Lohan by Jackflash

Malibu, California; 12:01 AM; 9-28-05. One minute past midnight was an odd time to start a catfight but, in its way, it was also early because organizers couldn’t wait a single day to hold the “most anticipated” match later that evening. For you see, for the past sixty seconds, Hilary Duff had been “legal”; she’d turned 18! For the young woman standing opposite, this day couldn’t come soon enough!

“I’ve been waiting for this a long, lone time,” Lindsay Lohan said with a sneer that mixed confidence with sadism. The bottle blond was garbed in a red micro-skirt and white spaghetti strap tank top.

“You mean you’ve been waiting all this time to get your ass kicked?” scoffed Hilary, wearing a black mini-dress. “That’s almost as pathetic as your acting career.”

“Well, MEOW sweetie,” mocked Lohan. “Look everybody, she’s trying to be catty. Lemme show you how catty is really done, bitch.”

Lindsay leapt at her longtime rival. Hilary held her ground, and the two blondes collided with a shared growl. They tore at each other’s hair for several moments. Lohan then managed to surprise her foe and flip her to the carpet, but Hilary deftly rolled with her momentum and sprang back to her feet, ready to resume the battle in a heartbeat.

If Lindsay thought that her year’s worth of catfighting experience would give her the edge, she hadn’t taken into account the fact that her hated nemesis had been planning for this confrontation even longer, training and conditioning herself. And in their fury, they were equals and Duff managed to take control of the battle with a well-executed finger thrust to her opponent’s throat.

Lindsay gasped and gagged as she struggled for air, while Hilary derisively scoffed, “I’d be worried about damaging your vocal chords with a move like that, but I’ve heard you sing, and any damage I could do would be an improvement.”

Eyes ablaze with anger, Lindsay’s response is a physical one, backhanding her fist across her adversary’s jaw. Hilary’s head snaps sharply to the side and she staggers back a few steps, stunned. Despite her own pain, Lohan knew she had to press her advantage…

It had been a rousing battle thus far, with both young beauties giving the full measure. Lindsay had been taken aback at first when she realized her neophyte opponent was so skilled a fighter, and she had been forced to kick her own efforts up to their max.

Still, no matter what it took, Lindsay was bound and determined that she would never lose to Hilary Duff although, at the moment, it seemed to be exactly what she was doing! Hilary had the advantage, unleashing a torrent of kicks, punches and open hand slaps to her nemesis, putting the fast-weakening Lohan on the defensive. Duff in particular seemed to enjoy landing her small, powerful fists into her enemy’s heavy breasts, making Lindsay moan and squeal with each blow.

“What’s the matter, Linds,” Hilary sneers with a Cheshire grin. “Finally figuring out you’ve never been as good as me?”

Her rival’s taunt echoing in her ears, Lohan unleashes a banshee’s howl and launches her right foot, punting the blond squarely in the groin! For all of her training, there is no way Hilary could prepare for the singularly agonizing pain of a crotch shot! She screams her throat raw as she drops to her knees, eyes rolling up as her hands clutch her throbbing womanhood. Lohan knows she should press her advantage, go for the kill; but there’s no way she can’t savor the moment first.

“I’m not better than you? Please! I’m the better actress, better singer, and now that you can’t hide from me by being a little girl anymore, I’m gonna prove I’m the better woman.” Grabbing Duff by the roots of her hair, Lindsay jerks Hilary’s head up until their tear-filled eyes lock. “And you’ll tell everyone here I’m better than you…in between you begging for mercy, that is.”

Lohan had been toying with Duff for fully ten minutes, arrogantly slapping her around, dragging her by her hair, sinking punches deep into the battered blonde’s belly, and tearing Hilary’s designer mini-dress to shreds, leaving her in her pink satin bra and panties. Tears had streaked black trails from Duff’s mascara down her face, making her look like a tragic harlequin. Having established her dominance, Lindsay was now prepared to administer a bit of humiliation to her foe.

Forcing Hilary to bend over her knee, Lindsay says in a voice dripping with insincerity, “Oh, it’s somebody’s birthday today! You know what that means…!”

She gives the crowd an exaggerated wink, and then proceeds to deliver eighteen stinging hand slaps to her victim’s derriere, spanking Hilary until the birthday girl’s butt was a violent shade of red. As the painful spanks begin, Duff begins to sob, a seemingly beaten woman. But then, with each blow…with every added degradation…a new resolve grows within her. By the time Lohan reaches number eighteen, her supposed victim is coiled and ready to strike!

Lindsay contemptuously pushes her foe off of her knee, letting Hilary tumble to the floor. But even as Lohan stands up, Duff sweeps her left leg out, knocking her adversary’s feet out from under her, and sending her crashing to the carpet, stunned by the unexpected fall. Drawing strength and adrenaline from her reservoir of hatred for Lohan, the blond pounces on her foe, and begins pummeling Lindsay with wildly thrown fists to the head and chest. Lohan tries to ward her attacker off with her arms, but is swiftly left glassy eyed by the attack. The fight is now Hilary’s to win or to lose…she opts to win!

Sitting atop her rival’s abdomen, she looks into Lohan’s face with a glare of loathing. Hilary then slides her body up, until her crotch is hovering over her foe’s face. Her senses returning to her, Lindsay’s eyes go wide with horror and she starts to shout, “Nooo…..!” but is silenced; smothered by the pink satin-garbed groin of her despised opponent.

Lindsay frantically squirms and slaps at the thighs of her oppressor, but with no effect. Hilary, enjoying this moment of supreme triumph, seductively grinds her hips in simulation of pleasure, giving the spectators a show they had long dreamed about. Finally, inevitably, Lindsay’s body slows, then ceases to move. Flushed with the aura of victory, Hilary gets to her feet and plants her foot on the heaving chest of her unconscious opponent as she basks in the cheers of the onlookers.

This was Hilary’s best birthday party EVER!