HWA: Katherine Heigl vs. Britney Spears by Jackflash 12-26-00

This match is a part of the Hollywood Wrestling Alliance series I'm concocting. The premise is simple: What if the road to fame and fortune ran not through acting, modeling and music, but by way of pro wrestling?

Microphone in hand, Michael Cole knocked on the door to Christina Aguilera's private dressing room, but was met only with silence. The blonde was scheduled to give a live interview prior to her match with Britney Spears, and a look of mild panic began to cross Cole's face.

"What if the ditz forgot? What am I going to do for three minutes," he thought.

A repeated knock, met with further silence. The camera followed him as he opened the door and stepped in to the room.

Suddenly he froze, then blurted out, "Good lord!"

The camera jumped about, attempting to locate just what Cole was reacting to. Finally, the image settled upon the motionless form of the blonde wrestler on the floor. Dropping his microphone, Cole knelt down beside the still body of Aguilera. She was unconscious, with a nasty knot rising on the back of her head. She had clearly been attacked, presumably by surprise.

"Where's her top?" the cameraman asked.

He was right...Christina was garbed in her shorts and a sports bra, but her baby blue 'Super Girl' half-tank was missing. Whoever had attacked her had, presumably, taken her famed ring garb. It didn't take Michael Cole very long to narrow the list of suspects to one person, although he didn't verbalize his thoughts. Most of the viewers shared his conclusions.

The broadcast then shifted over to the staging area, where interviewer Paula Poundshock stood with Aguilera's opponent, Britney Spears. With a wide smile on her face, Britney offered her 'condolences' to Christina.

"Tsk, tsk...this is just terrible! Who would do such a dastardly thing to poor little Chrissy?"

With a glint in her eye, Britney turned to the camera and said, "I pledge my word, I will not rest until the assailant of Christina Aguilera is brought to justice! It's the least I can do."

And, with a giggle, she let the bath towel which was draped over her shoulders fall, revealing that she, in fact, was wearing Christina's 'Super Girl' top!

"That's Christina's shirt!" stammered Poundshock.

"This old thing?" Britney replied. "Oh, this is just some rag I found lying around."

Another giggle, and then the blonde pranced down to the ring.

The Spears-Aguilera feud had been raging for nearly two years now, with no sign of letting up. But Britney was anxious to move on from the rivalry, and made a bid for the HWA Championship held by Uma Thurman. She had won the right to challenge for the belt by emerging victorious in a recent 12 Woman Battle Royal, but she wanted to finish off the feud with Aguilera first. Unable to beat her decisively in the ring, Britney was obviously signaling that she was ending the rivalry through trickery. With Christina unable to fight her tonight, Britney obviously was now going to declare the feud over and done with, with herself as the ultimate winner.

Amid a chorus of mixed cheers and boos, Britney stepped in to the ring and raised her microphone to her mouth.

"Well now, since Miss Aguilera obviously will not be joining me in the ring tonight, I guess that I can move on to bigger and better things!"

Yet, before she could continue, the theme music for Katherine Heigl blared from the speakers. Katherine and Christina were personal friends, and Heigl was apparently going to take her friend's place in the ring tonight. Britney was not amused.

Katherine stalked down the runway to the ring. As the approached the apron, she turned to the commentators at ringside to hand her a microphone. But Britney wasn't going to give her the chance to level her challenge.

While Heigl's attention was momentarily fixed on the commentators, Spears did a baseball slide under the ropes, nailing Katherine in the face with a double kick. Before Heigl could recover her senses, Britney grabbed her by the hair and slammed her head into the announcers' table. From inside the ring, the referee called for the opening bell, then began his slow count to twenty.

Spears Irish Whipped Katherine into the guardrail, then Bulldogged her onto the cement floor. Again grabbing her dazed opponent by her hair, Britney dragged her into the ring. Katherine could barely stand on her own two feet...a condition which was quickly remedied by a Super Kick to the jaw that left the blonde flat on her back. A Legdrop across the throat had Heigl gasping for air, which was a patented setup for Britney's finisher.

Hauling the stunned blonde to her feet, Britney Irish Whipped her into a corner again, then charged her opponent to deliver her, 'What U See (Is What U Get)' move. She bodysplashed Heigl, then planting her feet on the lower ropes to position herself, buried her face deep within her cleavage.

Katherine's body spasmed as she gasped desperately for breath, but she was helpless to escape. After some thirty seconds, Spears released the hold and stepped back; Katherine fell forward like a marionette whose strings had been cut, falling face-first into the canvas. Britney kicked her over onto her back, then placed her foot atop her foe's heaving chest to pin her for the three count.

The arena exploded with a cacophony of noise, as many fans cheered Britney, and thousands of others booed her. But love her or hate her, there was no denying that she had become a major force in the HWA. Most had written her off as a third-rate jobber who lucked in to most of her victories, mostly by cheating. But, however she scored the W's, she was now clearly a top contender and not a wrestler to be underestimated.

To the delight of the males who watched, Britney then peeled off the 'Super Girl' tank top, dabbed the perspiration off of her forehead with it in a show of disdain for Christina, and then, clad in her bra, ripped the shirt in two, throwing the tatters at Katherine. She had proven that she could win her matches, and that she could show supreme arrogance.

And at ringside, the color commentators were now asking, does Britney Spears also have what it takes to win the championship?