Blonde Singers Catfight: Faith Hill vs. Gwen Stefani Copyright 2002 by John J. All rights reserved.

Shania Twain sat at her kitchen table drinking coffee. She nervously tapped the table with her fingernails as she pondered her options. In a moment of anger - and not wanting to look like a wimp - she'd signed an exclusive contract with Kim and Ginny to fight rival country singer Faith Hill on their web site. Shania and Faith had a history of disliking one another for years and Shania desperately needed to put the blonde in her place. Still, the petite brunette knew that in a fair, straight out catfight, she'd very likely get her ass kicked by Faith who was considerably bigger and stronger.

Shania had pondered ways to even up the odds when she remembered Gwen Stefani. In some sleazy supermarket tabloid, Gwen had shot off her mouth about the singers she hated - and Faith made the list! A month or so later, at several Hollywood parties, Shania had briefly chatted with Gwen - they did NOT get along well. Still, when Shania thought about Gwen at that moment, a big smile lit up her face!

Shania drove to a pay phone across town and dialed a number she knew by heart. Disguising her voice, she called a tabloid and gave them a long story about nasty and derogatory remarks Faith Hill had made about Gwen Stefani at a recent party in Hollywood.

A week later, those comments (attributed to Faith) were the front-page story on two different tabloids. Shania snickered as she read them, wondering how the second paper got wind of the story. She figured if she instigated a spat between Faith and Gwen, whoever won or lost, Faith wouldn't be at her best for their fight - giving Shania a big advantage.

It was less than a day after the tabloids hit the check-out counter that Gwen Stefani called a press conference. Gwen only made a brief statement - and she took no questions but what she said lit the fuse exactly as Shania had hoped.

"That trailer-trash country bitch, Faith Hill, doesn't have the tits to come out and say that to my face," Gwen was quoted as saying. "The little tramp goes and tells her friends behind my back! Well, bitch, this is for you Faith and just for your ears alone. I either want to see an apology - and a retraction - by the end of the week or I'm calling you out bitch. We can either settle this in private, or in public. It's your choice."

Faith heard Gwen's comments on Entertainment Tonight and since she knew she hadn't said anything derogatory about Gwen - at least in public - she smelled a rat. While she certainly had no love for Stefani, and while she agree with almost all the comments attributed to her, she wasn't going to stand by and take Gwen's browbeating! So, like any good character in a fight story, Faith called a press conference!

Faith told the ink-stained wretches of the fourth estate, "Completely ON the record, I totally deny making any of those remarks in those cheap, sleazy tabloids. I never said those things and my attorneys are looking into it. But as for Gwen Stefani, I'm sick” (AND TIRED the media chanted in unison as Faith laughed) “... of that bitch and her threats. This is the third time she's talked trash about me, and I'm not going to stand for it! Gwen, honey, this one's for you. You can take your demand and shove it - right up your fat ass! You want to call ME out? Well, here I am, honey! I'm not hiding and any time you want a public, or a private, discussion is fine with me! We'll see who ends up apologizing to who."

After she finished reading the statement, Faith tossed her long, blond hair, refused to answer any questions and left with her head high and her chin jutting proudly.

As she listened to Faith's counter-attack that evening on E! Entertainment Network, Gwen was livid! She no longer cared if Faith actually said the comments quoted in the tabloid or not. She just wanted to rip into the stuck-up blonde and wring her neck. As for Faith, she felt exactly the same way about Gwen. Plenty of animosity had built up over the years between the two lovely blondes and it didn't take much to light the fuse for a knock-down, drag-out physical altercation. Gwen picked up her phone and dialed Faith's private number which she kept on speed dial for those midnight anonymous calls she loved to make.

Faith answered, "Hello."

Gwen didn't even attempt pleasant conversation, she got straight to the point, "We need to settle this - in private!"

Faith hissed, "I couldn't agree more. How's my summerhouse by the lake? It's private, and secluded."

Gwen shot back, "Fine. Saturday noon?"

Faith sneered, "Done. And we both alone. Agreed?"

Gwen shot back, "Absolutely. I don't need any damn help to kick your skinny ass."

Saturday arrived and at a few minutes before noon Gwen slipped her lithe, lovely legs across the leather seats of her Italian sports car and straightened her dress over her muscular thighs as she stared across the lawn at Faith's summer house by the lake. Gwen looked around before she went to the door, just to make sure they were really alone. She rang the bell and within seconds, Faith threw the door open. Their eyes flashed as they glared at one another and then Faith stepped aside to let Gwen enter. Faith pointed to a staircase and said, "The basement'll be the best place for us. We're redecorating and the furniture's already in storage."

Gwen looked and said calmly, "Sounds good."

Faith pointed to another door and told Gwen, "You can change in there."

Gwen tossed an overnight bag in the corner and said, "No need. I'll fight in this."

Faith and said, "I'm ready too. Let's go settle this once and for all."

Faith walked downstairs to her spacious den with Gwen right behind her. The plush wall to wall carpet was still in place in the huge room, but the furniture had been removed. Faith walked to the opposite side of the room, turned and faced Gwen. Faith was wearing a powder blue crop-top and shorts with matching high heels. Gwen wore a similar crop-top/shorts outfit in black. The two beauties glared at each other across the room, then as if responding to some unheard bell, they suddenly charged each other!

As the two lovely singers rushed across the room, Faith dodged just as Gwen approached her and Gwen flew past the blonde country singer. When Gwen turned back around, Faith grabbed her arm and swung her around. She released Gwen, sending the platinum into the wall with a loud WHUMP! Faith rabbit punched Gwen in the back twice before Gwen swung her fist and back-fisted Faith in the mouth.

Faith backpedaled as her hand reached up to touch the wetness at the corner of her mouth. The big blonde wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and saw blood. With Faith distracted by her injury, Gwen rushed in and tackled her hostess to the lush carpet. Gwen scrambled into position to pin her rival and straddle her, but Faith got her foot up and kicked Gwen away.

Gwen tumbled away as Faith's kick caught her in the gut. Faith leaped up and lunged at Gwen, landing on her belly. The tall blonde bounced a couple times to drive the air out of Gwen's lungs, then she trapped Gwen's arms with her hands and pinned them to the floor beside her head. Stretching out atop Gwen, Faith forced long, luscious legs under her rival's equally lovely legs and then slowly spread them, putting Gwen in a painful grapevine.

Gwen gasped as Faith's legs stretched hers painfully but she fought back and wrenched an arm from Faith's grip. Before Faith could regain control of the arm, Gwen latched onto Faith's tit and squeezed hard! Now, it was Faith's turn to moan in pain as Gwen attacked her small, firm tits. Faith reached down to pull Gwen’s hand off her boob and lost control of Gwen's other arm. Gwen went for a two handed attack as she ripped down Faith's skimpy crop-top and dug into Faith's exposed boobs.

Gwen scratched, mauled, squeezed and twisted Faith's luscious melons, while the country diva squirmed and bucked her hips, panting as she kicked her legs. Faith’s frantic bucking and humping allowed Gwen to twist one of her legs free of Faith's grapevine and she twisted out of the hold, pushing Faith away from her and rolling the other way.

Both beauties lost their hold on the other as they twisted apart and paused resting on their knees, panting and groaning as they checked the damage to their bodies. Within a few seconds, however, they were both up on their feet and closing the distance with their fists raised, ready to fight again. As they drew within range, Gwen threw a right at Faith's head. The tall blonde easily deflected the blow and countered with a right to Gwen's gut. Gwen wheezed as the fist sunk deep into her soft belly and doubled her over.

Faith grabbed a handful of hair and pulled Gwen's head between her thighs in a standing head scissors. Then Faith dropped to her knees and drove Gwen's face into the carpet. Her head smacked against the floor with a THUD even with the heavy carpet padding. The platinum blonde's head bounced and she held her head in both hands as she rolled over, obviously dazed.

Faith continued her attack as she grabbed Gwen’s blonde hair and hauled her viciously to her feet. She put her in a side headlock, then ran forward a few steps before dropping on her ass, bulldogging Gwen's face into the floor a second time! Gwen groaned as she rolled over dazed and seeing stars. Faith pulled off the unresisting Gwen's little crop top, leaving both gorgeous singers topless. With a rough tug of Gwen’s hard nipples, Faith forced the squealing Gwen to her feet again.

Keeping a secure hold of Gwen's hair, Faith charged forward and flung Gwen into the wall, smacking the blonde's head still again. Faith reared back and tried to punch Gwen in the face, but Gwen blocked the punch and reversed the hair hold on her shocked hostess, smashing Faith's face into the wall instead. Faith reeled back dazed, holding her head with both hands.

Knowing she had to take advantage of this opening, Gwen went on the offensive, although she was still somewhat dazed herself. She grabbed two fistfuls of Faith's long, golden blonde hair and bent her forward as she pounded her knee up into the blonde's face. The knee hit the side of Faith's head, connecting with her cheek instead of her nose. Still, it was enough to bring a moan from Faith.

Now Gwen decided to go a different route. She took Faith's arm and wrenched it back hard in a hammerlock. Faith howled in pain as Gwen twisted and turned the trapped arm, forcing Faith up onto her tip-toes to ease the pain. With a surprise twist and turn, Faith slipped out of the hammerlock and reversed it; now making Gwen yelp and moan as she cranked up the pressure on her arm.

Two kicks to the back of Gwen's legs forced her to drop to her knees where a couple of more kicks to her lower back and a hard shove forced Gwen face down on the carpet. Faith jumped on her back and held Gwen down as she twisted and maneuvered slightly into the position she wanted.

Faith wrapped her long, slender fingers under Gwen's chin and yanked back in a camel clutch! Gwen groaned as Faith ratcheted up the pressure on her neck as she expertly increased and then eased the pressure as she worked on Gwen's neck. Faith released the camel clutch but she immediately grabbed Gwen's legs and pulled them back and up in a Boston Crab! Faith forced Gwen’s legs back nastily and without mercy as she put terrific pressure on Gwen's lower back.

Again, Faith expertly worked the hold as she increased and decreased the pressure in waves that added to the pain. But Faith got a bit careless with her position as she leaned back a little too far and Gwen was able to grab her long, free-hanging hair. Gwen gave the long blonde hair a hard yank and Faith yelped as she fell back off of Gwen who scrambled away from Faith rubbing her back and neck.

Gwen pulled herself slowly to her feet, while Faith was already up and moving toward her. Gwen set herself and she dodged and blocked Faith's first two punches as she retreated looking for an opening to counterattack. Gwen never saw a good opening before she ran out of room and her back hit the den wall. Gwen tried to block and counter Faith’s punches, but she just drilled her fists through Gwen's defenses as she battered her boobs and face with a barrage of punches. Gwen's tits quickly became bruised and began to swell as Faith flattened them and bounced them repeatedly with her hard punches. Gwen's jaw throbbed when Faith concentrated her punches there trying to knock the platinum-tressed beauty out. After three more hard blows to the tits, Gwen started to sob as she slumped to the floor on her haunches with tears rolling down her flushed cheeks.

Faith backed off and sneered, "Had enough, bitch?" as she prodded Gwen with her foot.

Gwen didn't say anything, but she just sobbed and moaned, as she rolled onto her back in the corner holding her battered boobs.

Faith turned and started toward the stairs to clean up and change clothes, assuming Gwen was finished and the fight over but she’d only gone a couple of steps when she heard Gwen snarl, "You bitch!"

Faith was almost knocked down as Gwen jumped on her back and wrapped an arm around the big blonde's throat. Faith twisted and bucked, with Gwen riding her back like a cowboy on a bucking bronco. Faith staggered and wobbled around the room like a drunk with Gwen hanging on her back with her legs wrapped around her hips trying to take her down. Faith desperately tried to shake Gwen as she bent forward, twisted from side-to-side and bucked all at the same time. That was all too much for Gwen who slipped off Faith's back and fell on her ass - THUD!

Spinning around angrily, Faith hissed, "You damn cheating, devious, skank! Now you're gettin’ your ass kicked REAL bad!"

Before Gwen could react, Faith put an elbow drop on her sore, aching tits. Gwen howled in pain as the hard elbow flattened her already battered melons. Yanking up on a fistful of platinum blonde hair, Faith dragged Gwen to her feet. Using an armbar, Faith whipped Gwen into the wall but as she started toward the wall, Gwen reversed the hold and, instead, sent Faith flying into the wall.

Faith's back whacked against the wall and she groaned as her knees buckled and she almost fell. With a sadistic smile, Gwen lowered her head and charged toward Faith to splash her. But at the last instant, Faith spun out of the way and Gwen's crashed into the wall hard knocking the wind out of her.

Faith grabbed Gwen’s shoulder, turned her and savagely pounded her battered boobs with a flurry of forearms, eliciting loud moans with each one. Next, Faith grabbed Gwen's breasts and pulled her up straight, then drove her shoulder into Gwen’s belly and let her to fold over her shoulder. She stood up quickly, tossing Gwen up and over her head, tossing her on her back to the middle of the room.

With Gwen down and out of breath, Faith swung her leg over and clamped on a figure-4 head scissors. Faith locked her calf under Gwen's neck and squeezed her thighs as hard as she could. After several minutes in the head scissors, Gwen was nearly out so Faith backed off to let Gwen get some air; only to crank up the pressure again when she started to come around, putting Gwen in even more pain. After a couple minutes of hard, firm pressure, Gwen’s legs spasmed and she passed out.

Faith smirked, looking down at Gwen’s limp body as she dragged it to the stairs, then thump-bumped her upstairs to the kitchen. Faith laid Gwen out on the floor, drew a large glass of water from the tap and threw it in her face. Gwen sputtered as the water revived her, then her eyes went wide in fear as she looked up and saw Faith glaring down at her.

She started to crab backward, trying to put distance between Faith and herself as Faith hissed, "Our discussion ain't done, WHORE!"

Gwen cried as she rolled over and scrambled to her feet and set off running, hoping to escape. She bolted out the nearest door with Faith hot on her heels. Gwen ran out into Faith's front yard, slowing briefly as she desperately looked around for her car. Then, with a sinking sensation in her gut, she remembered her keys were still in the house in her bag. Just as she turned around, Faith tackled her to the grass!

They rolled over a few times before Faith ended up perched on Gwen’s back. She grabbed Gwen's legs and roughly yanked them back in a Boston Crab. Gwen's lower back screamed with pain as she was subjected to the painful submission hold again. Faith rocked back, jerking hard on Gwen's legs and dramatically increasing the pressure on her lower back.

After less than two minutes of torture, Gwen broke and sobbed, "I quit! Please stop!"

Faith hissed, "I don't believe you, cunt!"

Gwen sobbed, "Please!! I mean it. I'm done for."

Faith released the hold and let Gwen’s legs flop down on the wet, muddy grass where she lay with her face and tits covered in slime and mud as Faith cupped her under the chin and pulled back on her neck.

Gwen cried, "I said I give! Please……..stop!"

Faith snarled, "I want a fucking apology!"

Gwen cried out, "Yes! I apologize! I'm sorry!"

Faith yelled, "I mean in public, you old bitch!"

Gwen whimpered, "I'll be humiliated….look like a fool. Please don't make me!"

Faith yanked back harder on Gwen's neck and threatened, "I'll break your damn neck!"

Gwen sobbed, "OK! OK! I'll do a press conference tomorrow……you'll have your apology."

Faith smiled and slapped Gwen on the ass, congratulating her on her good sense, "That's much better!"

Then Faith grabbed the weeping Gwen by the hair and pulled her over toward her car and threw her forward. Gwen stumbled several steps, then tumbled in a heap on the gravel driveway, skidding on her breasts and belly with a loud scream. Faith went back in her house, got Gwen's handbag and threw it out the front door to her.

"There's your shit. Now get the hell off my property! And remember, if I don’t see that apology tomorrow, my security video tape of this will turn up at the National Inquirer and Star. Everyone will see you getting your ass kicked!"

Gwen sobbed uncontrollably as she quickly unlocked her car and put some baggy clothes she kept under the seat for just this kind of emergency! She thought that simply promising an apology would work, but there’s no way she wanted the videotape of her humiliating defeat getting out to the public. She thought of a convincing explanation for her apology and decided she’d make the statement as promised.

The next afternoon, Gwen held her press conference as Faith demanded. She wore a large, baggy top and cargo pants with huge sunglasses covering her bruised face as she read her statement.

"Over the last several weeks, Faith Hill and I have been engaged in a vicious war of words. We’ve talked recently and while we're not the best of friends, we’ve resolved the problem. I want to offer Faith my sincere apology for blowing this entire issue out of hand. I should’ve checked things more carefully before taking anything I see in a tabloid as true."

Shania Twain watched the televised press conference and the first thing she noticed was Gwen's clothing and sunglasses. The gorgeous brunette realized Faith must have given Gwen quite a beating for she was dressed far too conservatively, and her speech was far too sweet, for any other explanation.

The more Shania thought about it, the more nervous she became. She began to worry that accepting a fight contract with Faith may have been a bad idea…a very bad idea!