Match 1: Devon Aoki vs. Jessica Biel by Jack Fac
Devon Aoki was fresh off her victory over Neve 'Night Train' Campbell yet in spite of that, Ann Curry - Devon’s mentor and trainer - was making 'The Tong' work out even harder on the speed bag. Ann was also actively seeking out 'sparring partners' for her.
Jessica Biel answered the call, showing up at the LA gym where Devon was working out. Biel was in a super crabby mood after hearing Internet reports outing her for several lesbian liasons.
“Hey c'mon, get in the ring you dyke,” teased Devon. That enraged Biel - exactly what Devon wanted to happen! Barely had Jessica slipped on her gloves and climbed through the ropes than Ann waved and told both gals to, “Slug it out.”
Round One: With Curry as ref, they circled each other and then Biel launched into a full blown attack, swinging wildly at Devon's head. Both shots missed and Aoki fired some wicked body shots to Jessica's taut abs. Biel fired a scoring right uppercut that sent the smaller Aoki flying hard against the ropes. She bounced off somewhat dazed and Biel jammed her even harder with a bruising left hook to the midriff that made the smaller 'Tong' wince in pain. Ann wasn’t pleased with the way things were going and her anger increased when another bomb by Biel sent Aoki skidding on the canvas with her legs in the air!
“Get up!” muttered Ann as Devon just beat the ten count at the bell; rung by Ann’s timekeeper Kelly LeBrock.
Between rounds Curry snarls, “You stunk up the place! Get your ass out there and fight or I'm throwing in the towel; got it?”
“Got it, boss,” was Devon's reply.
Round Two - Both gals are perspiring freely as Aoki fires another volley of body shots into Jessica. They hurt the bigger actress who stumbles backwards as Devon rips her with a good scoring right cross that buckled Jessica's legs as she wobbled drunkenly. The ‘about 75 people’ watching started hooting and imploring Aoki to, “Slam that perv sicko again!”
Devon does just that as she jackhammers the taller Biel wickedly with body and head blows until Biel's face is swollen and her left eye is all but closed. Suddenly, Devon Aoki is in charge of this fight as she floors Jessica Biel with a left-right combo.
Biel is now fearful of more shots as she has a screen test in three days and implores Devon, “You got the fight! You win, Tong!”
“Uh-uh. Not yet!” is Devon's taunt to Jessica who is on both knees, looking up with pleading eyes. “Now you go down!” laughs Aoki. She rams her best right uppercut under Jessica Biel's jaw! All Jessica can do is moan as her eyes glaze over and she pitches forward on her face; her arms spread and her long legs stretched out.
Aftermath - The cheering is deafening as Aoki dances all over the ring, then strips off Jessica's red and white striped bikini, binds her ankles with it, then drags her around the ring with her boobs scuffing over the rough canvas and with Biel's muscular ass jutting skyward.
Even though Devon had beaten Jessica Biel, there was little joy on the part of Ann Curry who considered this a sloppy effort by her protege. “More gym time for you Tong and I mean NOW!” storms Curry. “You got away with it this time by being more aggressive. Biel relied on her size and ignored the other skills she could have brought to the table. Her arrogance got her ass done in, but you can’t expect everyone’s gonna make the same mistake,” Curry warned her contrite fighter.
“Now, somebody drag that loser's ass out of here so Devon can get back to work!” As Biel's senseless body is removed, it's back to basics for Devon Aoki under the eyes of her tough taskmaster Ann Curry - herself slated to face Angelina Jolie next.
Match 2: Thandie Newton vs. LeAnn Rimes by Jack Fac
This is the prelim to the Jolie-Curry main event at Yankee Stadium. Several years ago, there was a British-USA matchup featuring Jennie Agutter vs. Christine Baranski in which Agutter beat Baranski, totally outclassing the American before laying her out cold. Now Thandie Newton is looking to replicate Agutter’s feat as she has it out with the Southern cutie who had a big hit in the late 90's with 'How Do I Live Without You' from the movie 'Con Air' and is again climbing the country charts with her exotic ‘woman in prison’ music video, “Nothing To Lose.”
Thandie belives she’s as bad as the women LeAnn tangles with in prison and she'd like to take out some of her ‘badness’ on this blond chick ‘from the Ozarks' as she describes LeAnn. Of course Rimes is big time pissed at hearing that description of herself!
Tonight, none other than Vince McMahon is not only announcing but also refereeing and he begins by introducing the combatants, then blurting out, “Let's get ready to rumble.” The the crowd comes to their feet anticipating a solid bout.
LeAnn is outfitted in a red/white/blue string bikini and heels while Thandie is sporting the 'Union Jack' colours on her dazzling little thong. Both look hot and both are ready but LeAnn is perspiring heavily during the introductions which isn't lost on the sexy, smiling, Thandie.
“Gonna beat those damned stretch marks on that belly of yours,” taunts LeAnn, teasing Newton who is 'mommy' to two girls while the younger Rimes is also married, but childless.
“Shut up and fight, growls McMahon just before the bell sounds to signal the start of combat.
Round One: Thousands are in their seats including NYC Mayor (and presidential wannabe) Mike Bloomberg as the gals bounce toward center ring where Newton scores first, landing a solid volley of piston-like jabs that send LeAnn's head snapping backward. Thandie is bouncing and weaving as she sends a wicked right uppercut to LeAnn's jaw that sends the blonde reeling to the ropes. Rimes spins away and unleashes a volley of body shots that makes Thandie grimace. The place is rocking as both gals are sweating mightily on this steamy July night. Whenever they clinch, their lubricated bodies slip and slither sexily before McMahon grabs them and pushes them apart. LeAnn works Thandie's body well, landing the more numerous blows including a telling left hook that doubles the Brit Babe over. But Newton retaliates with another series of good, sharp, scoring jabs. The hard shots have LeAnn's right eye swelling by the end of the round which ends with both gals delivering a 'calling card' to the others face. On the judges scorecards, however, Thandie has won the opening round!
Round Two: It's Rimes attacking as she smears Newton with a straight right to the face sending the older gal flying on her ass to the canvas. Many are on their feet anticipating a k.o. but Newton gets up at 6. 'Didn't really hurt that much you hick' she snarls and slams LeAnn down with a left hook as the crowd really is sizzling. Rimes regains her feet at 8 and looks hurt. Thandie rams her harder with more left jabs and the attack is merciless. LeAnn Rimes is backpedaling big time to escape more punishment. Newton senses she's got her gal as the bell rings.
Round Three: McMahon has Rimes and Newton touch gloves and Thandie takes the opportunity to hiss, “You die now you little guitar plucker.” Much of LeAnn’s steam is gone and Newton is the total aggressor this round. She floors LeAnn with a left-right combo in theh first minute that sends LeAnn's body sailing through the air. Her legs go airborne when she lands on her ass and rolls onto her back. The count reaches, “NINE” and, for a second, McMahon thinks of stopping the match, but then decides to let it continue. Rimes teeters to center ring where Thandie jackhammers her jaw with unanswered blows. The Tawny Brit Bombshell knows she has her gal beat! Rimes throws wild punches but hits only air and the crowd can see that she's a goner! Thandie wallops LeAnn with a hard right cross and the blonde staggers drunkenly on rubber legs, her unfocused eyes gazing vacantly toward Newton, then she crashes facefirst to the canvas; her legs splayed in a wide ‘V.’
The dark lady throws her arms skyward after a great display of both boxing skill and domination! Thandie has proven to be the tougher, better fighter and the crowd lustily cheers her victory. Newton ditches her gloves, bends over ‘the Yank' and slowly works LeAnn’s string bikini down over her hips, then knots it around LeAnn's ankles.
As ‘The Country Crowd’ of Faith Hill, Shania Twain and Cheryl Crow sits shocked at ringside, they’re only now beginning to realize how badly their fellow country singer had been outclassed. Thandie pulls off LeAnn’s little top, leaving her naked, then grabs a handful of the knotted bikini bottom in her fist, digs her toes into the canvas and begins her ‘victory drag’ pulling LeAnn tits-down twice around the ring. She stops right in front of LeAnn’s fellow country singers, then kicks her body out of the ring onto the ground at their feet!
Thandie doesn’t hang around for the main event, quickly showereing and heading to the airport for a short flight to Washington, DC, where she’s the guest of honor at the British Embassy where they’d watched the fight on closed circuit. After several glasses of champagne, Thandie is hot and full of pride as she starts casting about for future opponents - preferably on this side of the pond. Speculation is that Shania Twain is at the top of Thandie’s ‘hit list’ - but Charlize Theron, Faith Hill and Jessica Simpson have all expressed interest in ‘putting things right’ with Ms. Newton.
Match 3: Thandie Newton vs. Sarah Evans
Bad blood was evident between Newton and the 'Suds in the Bucket' country singer Sarah Evans right off the reel. The scene is Kim and Ginny's and it's another “Winners and Losers Dinner.” Thandie Newton's 'server' is LeAnn Rimes who’d been soundly thumped on and knocked cold by the up and coming Bond girl. Newton is celebrating her latest movie “Run Fat Boy Run” and is exultant clinking glasses with Sistah’s ‘Downtown’ Julie Brown and Lela Rochon.
Julie has an virtual entourage of vics taking her order for dinner and drinks. Dianne Lane, one of Julie's all time favorite knockout victims, is taking Downtown's order for an appetizer. As the service is slow, Thandie snarls at Rimes “Get with it!”
Sarah Evans is sitting at a nearby table taking in the scene and doing a slow burn. LeAnn is one of Sarah’s country singer ‘friends’ and Evans gets up to protest about Rimes treatment by Newton.
“Sit down and shut up if you know what's good for you lady,’ snaps Thandie.
“Show Me!” challenges the Missouri born and bred Evans. “I'll kick your ass any time any place.”
Thandie cooly regards the hot tempered singer. “Next month after my next shooting is over,” is Thandie's reply.
“Consider it arranged then,” says Evans as she returns to her table.
The following month at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas the boxing ring is all set as Sarah Evans, glistening with perspiration, enters the ring first. She strips off her robe and is attired in a purple thong and high heels. Thandie climbs in next and whips off her robe to gasps of oohs and aahs as she exhibits a sculpted slinky body adorned with red bikini panties. She also has heels. Elke Sommer is the ref. As they stand at mid-ring Evans and Newton are glaring at one another in an attempt to make the other drop her eyes. Evans blinks. She seems just a tad uneasy as they touch gloves.
Round One: Thandie is confidently dancing in the ring and shoots a wicked left/right combo to Evans mid-section. “You're a little soft there cornpone gal,” chides the Zimbabwe-born Thandie. Evans is enraged and does a bull charge at Thandie but the tawny skinned actress is faster and slips all of Sarah's blows while delivering several wicked head shots. “I'm showing you there you yokel aren't I?” laughs Thandie as she staggers Evans with a straight right to the chin followed by more whacks to the face that swell Sarah's eyes just before the bell sounds to end the round.
Cheryl Crow is coaching Evans. “You best cut the ring off, Sarah. She's killing you.”
Round Two: Thandie Newton is measuring Sarah Evans now. The slinky sexy legs of Newton are moving quickly and her superior boxing skills are evident. Sarah Evans is getting tagged relentlessly by the cocoa skinned Newton. The country singer is arm weary though she hasn't landed one punch of consequence on Thandie.
“Damn I AM good!” chortles Newton.
Sarah backs this up with a volley of hard body shots which make Evans bend at the waist. “Hurting you bad ain't I girl?” exclaims Newton. “It'll be over soon for you”. As she says this Thandie Newton hits Sarah Evans with an explosive right cross. Evans staggers backwards and is stumbling on rubbery legs. Sommer pushes Newton away as Sarah Evans knees buckle as she plunges forward and down on her face. The crowd is impressed with the victorious and smiling Thandie who thrusts her gloves in the air while Elke Sommer counts Sarah Evans out.
“Play that song of hers!” Newton growls to the D.J. at ringside. Sarah had counted on winning and she’d arranged to have 'Suds in the Bucket' all set and ready to go.
As the song blares through the speakers, the grinning Newton strips Evans and bind her wrists with her own skimpy garment, then proceeds to tie her to the ring ropes, leaving Sarah's naked ass raised in the air. As the music continues, Thandie keeps time by giving Sarah’s tight ass countless whacks although the senseless Sarah can't feel them - and won’t until she comes to later in her dressing room. LeAnn Rimes has her head down, softly weeping for her conquered pal.
“Thandie is my killer and hers too,” LeAnn weeps. “We gotta find someone who can beat her. But who?’
Match 4: Downtown Julie Brown vs. Shields, Raver & Price by Jack Fac
Downtown Julie Brown had been summoned to join her 'Boss' Jill Hennessy and Candace Bushnell for dinner. Bushnell had nothing but animosity for Julie based on the Tawny Vixen's treatment of Bushnell's pal Kim Cattrall. Julie had soundly beaten Cattrall in their first and only boxing match -though Kim had later triumphed in a kickboxing bout against Julie in a Staten Island, NY firehouse. Cattrall’s long, powerful, legs had taken Downtown Julie Brown down and out, then to add insult to injury, Cattrall had stolen Julie's young boyfriend.
Retribution followed, however, with Downtown dealing a vicious battering to porn queen Barocca along with the entire 'Sex and the City' cast - including Kim. Now, Candace brought a new proposal to Jill Hennessey: her three 'killers' (Brooke Shields, Kim Raver and Lindsay Price) take on 'Julie the Jobber'?
Hennessey LOVED the idea since she would produce the affair at her boxing arena where a number of Julie's fights took place. Hennessey looked for a 'HUGE SCORE' with this fight. Julie simply sat there feeling used and abused and when Hennessey and Bushnell shook on the deal Julie turned angrily towards Hennessey.
“OK Boss Lady, you got me lined up and signed for this bit, but once I beat them - it's your ass I'm gunning for. It's high time we started splitting the revenue the way it needs to be distributed. You're a greedy self-serving bitch and I'm gonna take my fair cut and own at least half of this enterprise.”
This took a ton of chutzpah from Julie who had been soundly knocked cold by Hennessey more than once. In recent times she had gone on a much harder training routine and pushed her 44 year old body to it's limits. Hennessey was starting to push 40 herself and it was time in Julie's mind to finally make her move. If she didn't then Hennessey would peg her ass out of the firm and enlist someone new like Thandie Newton to replace her. Jill gave Julie a cold angry stare and snarled, “So you think I'm screwing you do you, huh? OK, we'll battle it out depending on how well you do with these floozies next month.”
Julie and Jill shook on that and Bushnell slinked off feeling the heat and tension between the two.
It’s a month later, Madison Square Garden, New York City. During the build up to the fight Lindsay Price had been mouthing up a storm about how she'd be the one to finish Downtown's career and drag her ass all around the ring. Eartha Kitt, Brown's trainer, over heard Price in a restaurant and decided to 'tape this boast' for Julie's ears. The ground rules: Each actress from “Lipstick Jungle” will fight one round with Julie.
Leading off for 'team Lipstick' is Brooke Shields, who thinks she can land a knockout shot to Julie's jaw.
Round One: Shields is a little tentative and is immediately hit with Julie's trademark body volley which has her sagging right away. Brooke throws a long right which Downtown dodges with ease and then proceeds to jackhammer the taller Shields with a staccato of head shots. Brooke is moving backwards and Julie is pursuing her mercilessly because she sees Jill Hennessey with lovely legs crossed sitting in the front row smirking. Julie Brown's right cross catches Brooke Shields squarely on the jaw and the one time child star is glassy eyed as she slumps helplessly backward on buckling long legs. Julie clobbers her again for good measure and Shields plunges down at two minutes, five seconds of the three minute round.
Brooke's sexy red thong is stripped off by Julie and her naked body is slung over the ropes with her ass up. Shields is senseless as Kim Raver is shoved by Bushnell into the ring.
Round Two: Julie is on a roll and wallops the former '24' star with vicious head shots. Raver is quickly disoriented and hurt by these blows. They're at mid ring and Raver is catching one unanswered hit after another. The place is wild with bloodlust and is savoring this beating Julie is dishing out to the sexy Raver. Julie destroys Kim Raver at one minute twenty seconds as Kim falls hard on her ass. Like Shields her red thong is ripped off and she is now draped next to the still unconscious Shields.
“Get her ass!” roars Bushnell to Lindsay Price.
Round Three: Diminuitive Lindsay is out firing an effective series to Julie's head but it just enrages Downtown. The Cardiff, Wales native has ONE goal - facing Jill Hennessey and shagging half of that media enterprise the former 'Crossing Jordan' star owns. Julie hammers Lindsay Price wickedly and ruthlessly and watches the younger woman fall to the canvas.
“Want any more?” taunts Julie. Price is half out cold as she’s pushed back to her feet by Candace Bushnell. Lindsay stumbles to mid-ring where she is greeted by a Downtown Julie Brown haymaker. Her body is propelled into the ropes, her legs limp under her, her arms hanging slack by her sides. Her back hits the ropes and she bounces, then falls facefirst to the canvas.
Lindsay is draped over the ropes - naked, then Julie grabs a magic marker from trainer Eartha Kitt and, starting with Shields’ left butt cheek, she writes 'BEATEN' across the collective ass cheeks of the beaten ‘Lipstick Jungle’ lasses.
Jill Hennessey reaches through the ropes and hands Julie a check for $100,000, telling her, “That's for you to reconsider our fight. I don't want to fight you Julie.”
“You're a chickenshit wimp, ain't you lady?” snaps Julie. “Keep your damned check. It's YOUR ASS I want!”
Hennessey is smoldering. “OK, have it your way. But when I beat you, you'll go from Executive VP to office girl. Want that?”
“It ain't gonna happen!” replies Julie. “I'll beat your buns all over Canada, just wait and see.”
After Curry-Jolie, it’ll be Downtown vs. Hennessey in 'The Fight For the Kingdom!'
Match 5: Ann Curry vs. Angelina Jolie by Jack Fac
It started out as another typical interview on the ‘Today’ show as Ann Curry sat down with Angelina Jolie. The night before they’d dined together at Tavern On The Green in Manhattan, enjoying each other’s company and (according to at least one tabloid, spending the night together afterward!)
On the surface everything seemed fine, but tension had been building between them over time because of Ann’s successes as a journalist - and that bungee jump off an English bridge in December. Jolie felt Ann was out-performing her and it bothered the egotistical actress. Angie’s ego needed constant reinforcement and this morning the interview topic was the work both had done in Africa. Curry risked being in the path of the feared ‘janjaweed killers’ in Darfur and didn’t want anyone to forget it.
“You take a lot of risks, don’t you Ann?” piped up Angelina, getting off the track of their agreed discussion.
Ann cooly regarded that question and muttered something like, “Such as?”
Jolie mentioned the feats Ann had accomplished, but her tone wasn’t at all an admiring one. Ann was beginning to bristle at the ‘bait’ Jolie was throwing out. “I’ll bet you won’t duke it out with me in front of a crowd in Central Park…you know, for charity,” Jolie sneered, derisive of Ann’s talent.
Ann crossed her sexy gams and reached out to shake hands, “Name the date sister; you’ve got a deal!”
“Have your people call mine,” Jolie eagerly agreed. Curry was eager to slug it out with Angelina - and had been for more than a year. They were on a collision course and now it was going to be ‘crunch time.’
* * * *
It was on a hot and humid August night in Central Park with 200,000+ in attendance, including politicians of every stripe - even UN officials as Curry entered the ring and began to peel off her light silk robe. She’s attired in her trademark silver g-string; the same ‘good luck’ outfit she’d worn beating Hannah Storm and Courtney Cox Arquette. Katie Couric took a break from her CBS anchor duties to stand in Ann’s corner.
Jolie arrived once Curry’s tightly muscled body was on display, already glistening with sweat from her warmup as she strips off her robe to reveal her ‘Lara Croft’ thong. There’s a near 20 year age gap with Ann at 51 and Jolie can’t resist chiding her aging opponent. “Hey AARP, how’s it going?” she teases.
Referee Elke Sommer stares at Jolie and orders her to cease and desist the BS and, “…get ready to fight.”
“Jawohl mein Fraulein,” jibes Angelina, earning herself a malevolent glare from proud Elke.
When the bell rings, there’s a huge roar as the crowd rises to their feet, those less fortunate watching on one of several huge projection screens arrayed around the grounds - a leftover from the previous night’s rock concert.
Round One: Jolie, who is a lefty like Ann, opens up with a hard right hook to Ann’s midsection and follows with several combinations to Ann’s head which connect. Curry’s legs backpedal a little. Angelina is clearly the quicker fighter as she pursues Ann for another inside body flurry. Curry slips sideways and delivers a wicked left uppercut which Jolie never saw coming. Angelina is staggered now. Ann rams home a body assault of her own which has Jolie bending at the waist and hurt.
The intensity of this action is bringing thunderous roars from the Central Park mob. This is a war. Ann Curry’s right hook sends Jolie down hard on her ass as Sommer starts counting. She gets to eight before the bell rings. Jolie slowly gets up but she’s been tagged and the whole place knows it.
Between rounds Katie Couric is counseling Ann to press Jolie as time will work against her because of her age.
Jolie has Elisha Cuthbert, the cute Canadian, in her corner. “Box her this round!” counsels Cuthbert. “Make her use those legs to chase you. Wear her out. Do it!”
Round Two: Jolie tries the boxing tack. She is slipping Ann’s blows deftly and counterpunching with accuracy. Curry’s head is jolted back several times by wicked right jabs delivered by Jolie. Ann’s eyes are starting to swell. She is exasperated by the quicker Jolie who continually feints the older woman and then punishes her with bruising shots to the body and head. Jolie’s left cross off a Curry missed combination sends the sexy legged newsbabe down on her ass this time. Angelina whips her gloves skywards as she watches the Eurasian beauty go down as a result of her blows.
“I’m gonna wipe this park up with your ass now!” boasts Jolie.
Ann is enraged and the two are at center ring slugging it out. Cuthbert did NOT want this. Ann still has fire in that boiler and thunders her famous body attack into Jolie’s midsection. Once again it’s Angelina’s turn to hurt. Curry is like a one person wrecking crew as she jackhammers the actress with an unanswered series of brutal body blows. Jolie’s arms starting to droop; an opening for another Curry right hook to the jaw. Jolie’s legs are rubbery as she staggers back into the ropes.
Elke is watching closely as Angie is literally out on her feet. Sommer pulls Curry away to prevent more punches to Jolie’s head, then watches as Angelina Jolie topples over and crashed face down on the canvas - thoroughly beaten.
Jolie’s lips and eyes have been dealt much violence by the hard-hitting Ann Curry and the crowd’s roar is deafening as Ann bounces up and down, doing her victory dance around Jolie’s prostrate form. Ann’s body is glistening with perspiration, but it’s the sweat of a winner!
Curry grabs Jolie by the heels, then drags Angelina around the ring before she spanks her ass for good measure - to the delight of the crowd. Then Ann orders Cuthbert to, “Drag your hag the hell outta here!”
It’s party time in Manhattan for the news crowd and Natalie Morales, Jenna Wolfe and Meredith Viera are all gushing adoringly as they fawn over victorious Ann at ringside, and later at a huge party at the NBC headquarters.
Jolie gets the full treatment, a chauffer driven ambulance that whiskes her and her entourage to Lenox Hill Hospital where she spends the night ‘under observation.’
The next morning on the ‘Today Show’ Ann receives not only congratulations, but also a challenge from Khandi Alexander of ‘CSI Miami’.
“I think I can sting your tail, sista, whaddya say?” Khandi says in a taped message played on the air. “We’ll see!”
That afternoon, Angelina and Brad make a hasty, quiet, exit from Gotham with their brood. Lots of wounds to lick!
Match 6: Downtown Julie Brown vs. Jill Hennessy ‘Fight for the Kingdom’ by Jack Fac
This battle had been brewing for close to a year. Downtown Julie Brown had functioned effectively as Executive VP of 'Hennessey Enterprises' but was developing the feeling that Jill was planning to dispose of her down the line and bring in new blood. Julie had done a solid job of new client development; making scads of money for Jill with her boxing victories. Photos of Julie's explosive knockout of Emily Proctor - in which she plowed the North Carolinian clear out of the ring - were prominently featured throughout the Hennessey Enterprises offices. Jill made a cool million on that fight but afterward the tension had built between the two willful ladies over Julie's continuing demands to be made co-chairperson.
Julie demolished the three 'Lipstick Jungle' gals: Shields, Raver and Price - making considerable money for herself in the process. That didn't sit well at all with Hennessey and the day came when Jill showed up in Julie's office, sat on Brown's sofa crossing her incredibly sexy legs and issued her decision. “I'm ready to relinquish control of the firm - if you can beat me in the ring ‘Downtown'.”
Julie simply replied, “Good. ‘Cause I've been ready to take what's been my due for a hell of a long time.”
Jill just smiled demurely and as she got up, she remarked, “Let's have our own ‘Thrilla in Manila’ shall we?”
“Next month, lady. You're mine - all mine!” Jill taunted at the Tawny Vixen.
Julie and Eartha Kitt got to work immediately with grueling gym workouts and lots of roadwork. Kelly LeBrock served as Julie's sparring mate as usual and took solid batterings during rugged ring sessions. Julie used Jamie Lee Curtis as her trainer and spar mate. Curtis had once fought Julie and been KO’d brutally.
* * *
A hot mid-July night in Manila and the fight is being beamed worldwide with Hannah Storm announcing and Ann Curry (Hannah's conqueror in a previous match doing the color. The crowd is overflowing at the Municipal Stadium and local bars are packed wall-to-wall.
Julie arrives in the ring first glistening with sweat as she strips off her robe and is bedecked in her trademark purple thong. The crowd oohs and aahs and really lights up when Jill comes through the ropes and slides off her robe and looks dazzling in her lavender bikini panties. Both have heels. Elke Sommer is the ref. Jill shows some signs of nervousness since the ownership of her firm hangs in the balance. They touch gloves, go back to their corners and the bell rings!
Round One- Julie is feinting well and lands a wicked body shot to Jill's gut which makes the former Crossing Jordan star wince in pain. Hennessey's legs buckle slightly as she backpedals. Julie is head hunting and connects with a left hook to Jill's jaw and the Canadian born actress is sent down on her ass. The crowd is jumping up and down and chanting for Julie to end this thing fast. Not to be. Jill is back up and counters with a flurry of her own to Julie's body as payback. Julie feels this volley and moves back. They exchange head shots with Jill landing the heavier blows. Jill is getting into her rhythm now and is delivering telling left jabs around Julie's eyes. Hennessey scores with a bullet right to Julie's jaw and smashes the Welsh born Brown into the ropes as the bell rings. The round is scored even.
Round Two - Eartha is imploring Julie to 'close with this wench and punish her inside'. Julie repeats her hard right to Jill's solid body which doesn't bother Jill quite as much this time. They're mid-ring now and letting it all hang out. Julie fakes Jill with her right and wallops Hennessey again with that left hook and once more Jill goes down. Both gals have expended lots of energy but Jill seems hurt much more. Brown and Hennessey both have severe swelling around the eyes. Jill is up at 8 and is a tad glassy eyed. Julie's legs seem steadier at the moment but she gets careless and 'hot dogs' it with her left arm at her side. Jill's right is 'on the mark' as she slams the 'Dark Destroyer' wickedly on her jaw. Julie's face is contorted as her legs crumple under her as it is her turn to fall. The bell rings after Sommer has counted to 6 as the crowd roars it's appreciation.
Round Three - Eartha Kitt is going ballistic at Julie. “Damn fool girl! You let her back in the fight!” The two fighters touch gloves again for round three as they then continue landing blow after blow on each other's faces. Julie's left hook sends Jill into the ropes but Hennessey rebounds and fires another telling right to Downtown Julie Brown's jaw. This punch is the one that was photographed and became a classic. Julie was knocked senseless and her dark legs crumple as she dives facefirst to the canvas. Her right arm is above her head and her left is extended by her side. Julie never hears Elke Sommer counting her out or the roar of the Phillipine crowd.
Jill Hennessey has retained control of the firm! She asks for the ring mike and makes an announcement once Julie is brought around by smelling salts. “As of now, the firm will be called Hennessey/DJ Brown Enterprises and Julie will have 49% control of the stock plus she’ll make ALL important management decisions. I beat a great fighter tonight and I pay her the ultimate tribute - she has earned it.”
Sommer raises Jill's right hand in victory and the two gladiators embrace and kiss. Both are obviously somewhat stimulated afterward. “Stop by for nightcap later, Ms. Chairwoman,” leers Jill.
“Don't mind if I do CHAMP,” replies Julie who then drops to her knees and kisses Jill's feet in acknowledging her defeat. “You're the best, Jill; that’s all I can say. Congratulations.”
Match 7: Charlize Theron vs. Emily Deschanel + Michaela Conlin by Jack Fac
Time: July 4th, 2008
Place: NYC, N.Y.; Madison Square Garden
Situation: While in costume for the ‘Bones’ Halloween show, ‘Wonder Woman’ Emily Deschanel and ‘Cher’ Michaela Conlin argued about how easily either of them could nail ‘that great warrior’ Charlize Theron. Both thought she's ‘over-rated’ and Emily even said ‘over-the-hill’. Now, they’ve decided that their combined meanness and superior boxing skills can expose Charlize as a 'has-been' once and for all!
Theron heard their bragging in early spring and immediately went into her South African training regimen - just in case. While there, she had her customary boxing duel with a female South African Army Major (and knocked her out soundly as before). Charlize is ready!!
The referee: Elke Sommer,
Timekeeper: Sue Ane Langdon
Round One- Deschanel will fight Char first and is decked out in her Wonder Woman garb. Char has flipped off her robe and is in a blue string bikini. Both have heels. Emily fires a big round house right but Char sees it a mile off and whales Wonder Lady wickedly with a brutal left hook to the gut. Emily's blue eyes light up in anger but also in pain. She stumbles backwards as Char pursues her and delivers an overhand right to Deschanel's jaw and sends the Bones doc on her ass the canvas. As Emily falls Char grins in Michaela's direction as in 'Did you see that? You're next.' Deschanel rises only to be greeted with a flurry of blazing body shots from Theron who proceeds to speedbag Emily's face with a series of solid blows around her eyes. 'Bones' is getting the whipping of her life! Theron ends it for her with a left-right to the jaw! ‘Wonder Woman’ Deschanel topples hard to the canvas where she is counted out by Sommer.
Charlize quickly strips off Deschanel’s ‘Wonder Woman’ outfit, then drags her to her corner and dumps her headfirst through the ropes, leaving her bare butt in the air. Charlize gives it a couple of spanks and tells the still-unconscious brunette, “Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back to finish with you after I take care of your friend.”
“Get in there and fight,” commands Sommer; turning to Conlin who is flabbergasted by what had just happened to her co-star.
Round Two - Conlin is more aggressive because she’d taken some boxing tips from noted Theron aggrevator Hillary Swank who won the Oscar for 'Million Dollar Baby.' Michaela, a tough Allentown, PA native, slams Charlize hard with a good left hook to the jaw that shakes her. This might prove yet to be a fight after all! Conlin is spurred on by the sight of gal-pal Emily's naked ass draped over the ropes - she doesn't want to join her! Theron wallops the slightly younger Conlin with mighty blows to the mid-section and Michaela groans in pain as she doubles up.
“You're just another phony wannabe,” teases Charlize as she smashes Conlin to the canvas with a straight right. Conlin is back up at Elke’s “EIGHT” but her legs are wobbly. Charlize starts jabbing Conlin in the face and blousing both eyes.
“You're gonna regret what you said about kicking my ass too, you clown,” snarls Charlize. “You have NO idea who you were talking about did you?”
“I didn't…I didn't,” is Conlin's reply. “Please stop…you win…you win.”
“Not until….THIS!” grunts Theron as she hammers Michaela Conlin once and for all, knocking her to the canvas with a left hook that leaves her spead-eagled flat on her back!
Aftermath - Charlize strips off Michaela’s ‘Cher’ costume and drapes her ass up next to Emily over the ropes. Both 'Bones' stars are done in! Charlize has enjoyed herself beating the two Americans soundly and has little more than a slight sweat to show for the whole exercise. But she does work up a sweat after the contest, beating both beauties bottoms black and blue as she puts on a ‘discipline demonstration’ for her cheering, jaded, New York fans.
“Got to find a good fight,” Charlize tells the press later. “These clowns bored the crap out of me. They were just no challenge at all.”
The smaller Thandie Newton has observed this display of power and domination from a front row seat and is said to be mulling a potential fight with Theron. She's beaten Lee Ann Rimes and Sarah Evans but how do they stack up against the 'South African Killing Machine'? Another name being bandied about by those eager to see Theron back in the ring is that of Conlin’s ‘muse’, Hilary ‘Million Dollar’ Swank.
Match 8: (Classic Era Flashback) Lola Falana vs. Britt Ekland (1974) by Jack Fac
Britt Ekland has just completed the shooting of 'The Man with the Golden Gun' where she was featured as 'Mary Goodnight'. She's proud of her new found fame as a Bond girl as she joins her pals Raquel Welch and Jill St. John in Vegas to celebrate. Jill is teasing the Swedish hottie about how Britt isn't half as sexy as Jill's character ‘Tiffany Case’ which Jill played in 'Diamonds are Forever'.
Tonight the three go see a floor show starring the great and volatile Lola Falana. It's a huge crowd at Caesar's palace as Lola takes the stage. Britt is up front with her friends when Lola spots her during one of her numbers. As the song and dance ends Lola playfully invites Britt up to take a bow for her Bond girl role.
“Hey you're as sexy as they say you are you little Viking Vixen,” purrs Falana in Britt's ear. “Of course I'd be kicking your sweet little Swede ass first before I had some sack time with you honey,” continues Lola.
Welch and St. John can see that Britt is reddening up on the stage. Suddenly Lola grabs the mike and announces that she and the Scandanavian are going to have a go at it in the ring just like Floyd Paterson and Ingemar Johansson did in the early sixties.
“My brother Floyd flattened his squarehead ass,” chortles Lola to the crowd. The curtain is opened and reveals a boxing ring. Lola snaps her fingers and a bikini like the one Britt wore in Man with the Golden Gun is brought out. “Stick that on Eky as this won't take long,” taunts Lola.
More seats are brought out so people can come closer to the ring. Jill and Raquel are at ringside as they move up. Mitzi Gaynor is brought out to ref. Mitzi had fallen to Lola in a boxing match at an earlier time during the Viet Nam war. Ekland is sweating but is also showing anger along with her fear. Lola is smiling sweetly as she rubs her gloves along Britt's thighs. Britt is getting aroused as Lola brushes a kiss to her lips.
“There’ll be lots of time for us later,” says Lola. “Right now got some biz to take care of with your blonde ass.”
Round One: Lola stripped down to white bikini panties and heels as does Britt. They circle and Britt fires a scoring right cross to Lola's jaw which floors the Afro-Cuban from Camden, N.J.
“Thought I was gonna be Britt the Beat Up Bunny didn't your asshole?” sneers Britt as Lola regains her feet. Britt has learned some boxing from her countryman Johannson. “You're going to be my Cuban Cunt Collection,” continues Ekland.
Both gals are pouring sweat as they hammer each other relentlessly at mid-ring. Ekland has won the round as the bell rings and Lola heads back to her corner dazed and confused where she’s greeted by her corner, Joey Heatherton.
“Boss you got to cut the ring off,” advises Joey.
Lola flares. “Did I ask your dumb ass for ANY advice about boxing you flaming loser/boozer?” roars Falana.
Joey is standing behind the ropes as Falana fires her patented left hook and connects with Joey's jaw. Heatherton's limp body hurtles backward into the first row where she lands on top of St. John and Welch.
“What the hell is this BS?” screams Jill.
“You suckface bimbo; you suckered the poor broad when she was tryin’ to help,” is Jill's reply.
Jill is enraged and strips off her dress and has on her hot bikini panties with heels. She leaps into the ring and squares off against Lola though she has no gloves on. Lola regards St.John for a moment before she hammers her out cold with a straight right. Jill falls hard on her ass as Mitzi whips off Jill's panties and drapes her, ass up, over the ropes. Heatherton's body follows.
Welch climbs into the ring screaming, “No way I let this happen, you freak!”
But Lola was expecting her and brings down Welch with a vicious gut shot that doubles Raquel over as she collapses to her knees. As she looks up for mercy, Lola Falana finishes her with a left uppercut. Welch pitches forward and lays still. The grinning Gaynor strips Raquel too and drapes her ass up over the ropes with the others. While all this was going on, Ekland has been standing and watching totally dumbfounded.
“Don't worry big lips, I didn't forget you!” laughs Lola.
The crowd is just eating up all this action. Three wiped out babes with fourth on the way and it NOT Lola. Falana is now totally on fire and dancing all over the ring naked. She has discarded her panties and is flailing her gloves at Ekland in the most taunting of ways.
“Come and get it, you yellow Swedish bitch!” snarls Falana.
Britt takes the bait and charges into Lola Falana's famous left hook. Her body is catapulted OVER THE ROPES as it lands in the first row. The incredible power of Lola Falana is on display for all to see. She has won and won HUGE. Ekland's body is draped over the ropes next to the others. Out comes a magic marker and Lola inscribes 'Lola Wins' on each of the eight voluptuous asscheeks on display. Later, Lola claims Britt as her 'night prize' - leaving Joey to play second fiddle to the latest victim of Lola's. Britt is in rapture as her 'ring killer' does her all night long.
Whatever Lola wants... Lola gets.
Match 9: Downtown Julie Brown vs. Sylvie Bernier (no boxing) by Jack Fac
Downtown Julie Brown was entering the lobby of her hotel after losing that crushing boxing match to Jill Hennessey for 'control of the kingdom.' Her ego was shattered and with it her hopes of ever attaining a spectacular win over a truly dominant fighter. Julie's victories over what many described as 'ho hum' opponents such as Kim Cattrall, Liz Hurley and Daryl Hannah didn't impress the dyed in the wool fight crowd.
The 'Tawny Vixen' had downed the great Hennessey and appeared to be in charge of their epic match. However, in the eyes of most, Julie's 'hot dog antics' while Jill was floored cost her the fight. Sylvie Bernier, the gold medal diver in the 1984 L.A. Olympics, spotted Julie and approached her.
'Ah Julie Brown, the would be athlete,' said Sylvie.
Julie's jaw dropped to the lobby rug. 'Who the hell are you, woman?'
'I’m Sylvie Bernier; a true athlete - something you are not!' continued the Olympian.
“WHAT?” Downtown was tear-ass mad at this point. Sylvie shoved Julie into the elevator and had her push the proper floor before putting the Downtown domme in a wicked armlock.
'Listen to me,' hissed Sylvie. 'I can make you into a good, solid, fighter and not the rinky-dink, sometime-hitter you are now.” 'Your ass is sucking wind,' muttered Julie; her mood darkening by the minute. Sylvie overpowered Julie with her strong arms and shoved her face into the wall. 'Give me your room key,' she demanded and Julie coughed it up, becoming concerned about the woman's power.
As they entered the room and closed the door Julie elected to 'go for it' and fired a right cross which Sylvie easily ducked. Bernier drilled her right knee into Julie's gut and the 'Tawny vixen' bent over in agony.
'Your reflexes are waay too slow,' laughed Sylvie. 'Allow me to show you.'
She shoved Julie rudely onto the bed and Julie whipped her right leg in a kick attempt at Bernier. Another miss as Sylvie mounts Julie and immediately puts her into a scissor around her middle. Julie is thrashing and cursing but to no avail. Both gals have lost their clothes now and are wrestling buck naked. Finally Julie grabs a fistful of Bernier's hair and yanks it hard. She slams Sylvie with a wicked left hook to the jaw and this drives the Canadian lady's head back for an instant. Sylvie is now on top of Julie and has her shoulders under her knees. Julie is trapped once again and is struggling hard but not succeeding.
Sylvie suddenly is over Julie's face and is smothering her with a classic 'ass smother.'. Downtown's legs and her whole body are going every which way but Sylvie Bernier is her under control. Bernier can faintly hear Julie muttering, 'You win…you win.'
Julie's efforts cease as the ass smothering does it's work. The Olympian has taken down sassy Julie Brown and finished her off in grand style! Sylvie gets up and wedges one of her calling cards in the crack of Julie's ass so the 'Tawny Vixen' will know how to find her if she ‘really’ wants to know how to fight.
As Sylvie departs the room laughing, she thinks, 'I wonder if she’ll ever call me?'
Match 10: Ann Curry vs. Khandi Alexander by Jack Fac
Ann Curry was enjoying an evening cocktail after doing her 'Dateline' gig on NBC while sitting on a comfortable couch in a mid-town N.Y.City watering hole when Khandi Alexander appeared. Ann was with galpal Katie Couric discussing Katie's bruising defeat by Downtown Julie Brown and the fact that Marg Helgenberger was now swearing vengeance against Katie after Couric KO’d her several months earlier.
“Neither of you bimbos can fight a lick,” taunted Alexander.
“Excuse me but who in hell invited you into our conversation anyway?” challenged Curry.
“I don't need an invitation, Curry,” retorted Khandi. “I just figured I’d corner you sooner or later and let you know that you fight nobody’s and that you're all a bag of chips…truth is, you ain't diddly! How's that sit with you, huh?”
Curry knew she was being called out which was fine since she had recently done a solid job of climbing almost to the top of Mt. Kilamanjaro over in Africa. For a 52 year old, Curry had acquited herself superbly while going up into a high altitude as she carried a fairly heavy pack on her back.
“Hey it's your call there hot shot,” was Ann's response to the heckling, cocky, Alexander.
Khandi was also in top form which she could attribute to dancing and also some weight training. She was quick on her feet and believed this would be the ticket for her to beat Curry. The date was set for the middle of January at Madison Square Garden in New York. No 'Plaza fighting' for this event…these two would draw a large gate!
* * *
The night arrived and both gals have been going full bore with hard training. Curry's trainer has been Shirley MacLaine while Alexander has brought in the hard fighting Brit, Jennie Agutter - she of 'Logan's Run' fame - had been Alexander's sparring mate (and rumors said she’d given her all she could handle during their sessions.)
Curry arrives in the ring first and whips off her robe and has on her famous 'g-string' which lights up the male crowd young and old. Those great legs and glutes of Ann's are on display and deeply admired. Khandi comes in and takes off her robe and is in a black thong. Both are in heels. Khandi slides her gloves along Ann's thighs as they face each other mid-ring during ref Sue Ane Langdon's instructions.
“I'll be enjoying dragging your ass all over this ring after I beat you senseless you useless talking head,” boasts Khandi. “Then I'll really love parking your ass on the mattress later and having my way with you,” continues the ‘CSI Miami’ doctor.
“You done flapping your jaw Alexander?” snaps Langdon. “Let's have a good fight shall we?”
Round One: Alexander fires some hard scoring jabs to Curry's face to open matters. Ann's head snaps back as the shots are telling and back her up. Alexander's right uppercut is evaded though as Ann nails the dancing doc with a brutal right hook. Ann is a southpaw fighter. Alexander groans with this hit. Curry's strong arms are evident as she bores in hard and hammers Khandi with a series of wicked body blows. Khandi planned to cut the ring off but Ann is moving inside and connecting with harsh gut shots that hurt Khandi. Curry finds an opening with Khandi's face and clobbers her with a left cross that send the taller lean Afro-American reeling into the ropes. Alexander is angry now and resumes with those jabs and gets in one good shot but pays again with another slamming body shot from Curry. Ann is a patient fighter. Khandi is not. The round is to Curry on points.
Between rounds: Agutter is imploring Alexander to move faster and offer less of a target. “You’re not keeping with the game plan,” admonishes Jennie.
“I'll do better this round,” promises Alexander.
“Don't let her have her way with those jabs,” Katie advises Ann.
Round Two: Ann has been warned that Khandi would still have lots of fight left in her and to keep the pressure on. She slides inside of Alexander's reach and punishes her with a continual flurry of scoring body shots. Alexander tries hard to dance away from the newsbabe but Curry is never easy to elude. Ann Curry is a 'straight in' fighter and nails Khandi with a right/left combo to the jaw that sends Alexander hard on her ass. The crowd is now on it's feet. All 18,000 plus people are roaring “Ann! Ann! Ann!” as Alexander is disoriented and her eyes are glassy. She is taking on the look of a beaten fighter.
Curry is smiling a knowing smile seen by millions on her boardcasts each day. She has Khandi Alexander right where she wants her. Khandi is backpedaling and is in no position to hand out any punishment to Ann Curry. She is experiencing the same wicked fate suffered by Hannah Storm, Courtney Cox and Angelina Jolie who all fell to Ann in previous bouts. Curry clobber Alexander mercilessly with head shots and floors her again. Khandi's eyes are both swelling shut. Ann plows in with another array of body wallops and Khandi's corner hurriedly throws in the towel.
“Oh hell no!” says Ann as she delivers a final left hook to the gaping jaw of Khandi Alexander.
Khandi's tawny sexy legs are like rubber now as she stumbles backwards while Sue Ane grabs Ann to stop her from inflicting any more damage. Alexander topples hard on her back as her legs splay out about ninety degrees. Langdon counts her out as the crowd cheers lustily for a leaping victorious Ann Curry. There are potential challengers in the seats watching this unfold but no one is making any noise about coming after Ann Curry to stop her streak of ring wins.
Ann rolls Khandi onti her stomach and stands on her ass cheeks with her gloves held high.
“Take her to my room,” Ann tells the ring attendants. “I'm not done with her yet!”
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