"Not well bitch, as you can plainly see! Keep shooting your trap off and I'll close both your damned eyes with some boxing gloves. Your pal's there as well; same fight too."
"Let us get this straight," said Beckinsale. "You'll fight us in the same bout?"
"That's the story wench!" shot back Naomi.
"Good to Go?" Posh replied. "The Killer B's are good to go."
The fight is held at Caesar's palace in Las Vegas. Beckinsale in the bikini on she wore as a newlywed which says 'Mrs. Wiseman' on the butt. Posh is in a thong as is Naomi.
Posh starts off for the 'Killer B's' as the bell rings. Naomi hammers Posh with stinging lefts to the face. Posh's head repeatedly snaps back. The lefts are powerful and soon Posh's eyes are swollen. She stumbles back to the corner.
"Ready for me to take her on luv?" asks Kate.
"Not yet," Posh groans. "I can take her, I know I can!"
But Kate isn't sure about that.
Naomi is now ready to take down her first 'B girl'. Once again she lands solid lefts to Posh's eyes plus one to the jaw. Posh is staggered by the jaw shot and stumbles whereupon Naomi fires a roundhouse right directly to Posh's exposed chin. It drives Posh so hard across the ring that she falls on her ass and does a backflip, ending up sprawled face down on the canvas - out cold!
Kate Beckinsale steps in to avenge her beaten partner. It's a shorter, more merciful end for her in the fight as Naomi hits her several long shots with the left and then hammers home that brutal right. Kate stands upright for a moment, her arms completing the punches her now unconscious brain had commanded. She's out on her feet! Naomi just grins as, suddenly, Kate topples over on her back out cold as well!
Naomi is soaking up the crowd's adulation which is being lead by her one-time galpal, but now bitter rival Tyra Banks!
Naomi jams smelling salts under the gals noses and they come to but only long enough to pay tribute to their conqueror by repeating after her, "Killer B's are no match for the Big C!"
Once they say that Naomi dispatches each with an uppercut after she's taken Beckinsale's bikini bottom off and tied the two beaten fighter's ankles together. Then she hits Kate with a left uppercut at the same time she hits Posh with the right. Both rock backward, then pitch over forward, landing face down, out cold once more.
Beckinsale's bare ass glows in the lights of Caesar's palace and Naomi stands over both of her victims with her legs spead apart and howls with delight.
#2: Naomi Campbell vs. Charlize Theron (I) by Jack Fac
Naomi was truly pumped up over her dual knockout of Posh Spice and Kate Beckinsale. Following that encounter, whenever she saw them, Naomi was submissively greeted by the defeated 'Brit/Twits' as she referred to them. They called her "Ms. Naomi" or "Ms. Campbell" - and sometimes "Ma'am" if she gave one or both that famous 'icy glare'.
Word was getting around what a truly 'bad ass' Naomi was and how she was awaiting some 'new meat in the street' to come get her. Charlize Theron had heard all she wanted about the woman she referred to on "Entertainment Tonight" interview as a "...braggart and loudmouth" and she let Naomi know it when they came face to face in an LA restaurant one day.
Posh and Kate were slavishly fetching iced tea and a napkin for Naomi and Charlize had it up to here with the snooty runway model with whom Charlize had had a run-in with when she was a teenager trying to make it in modeling herself.
"You think you're some kind of unbeatable fighter, is that it?" challenged Charlize.
Naomi purred, "I don't see a soul around here who can refute that...do you?"
Charlize's blue eyes blazed, "I'm here to prove otherwise."
Kate Beckinsale genuflected when she heard that and Posh just flushed as she looked the other way.
"See you at Caesar's next month," growled Charlize as she stalked away.
A packed house saw Naomi enter the ring first in a revealing bikini. Charlize followed in a pair of tight Afrikaner design short-shorts. That was like waving a red flag at a bull to Naomi.
The bell rang and Naomi's anger management course was forgotten as she used her long arms to telling effect as she fired her pattened left jab which caught Charlize squarely in her left eye. A whole series of stiff, head-snapping jabs followed - and almost all connected! Charlize got in a few body shots which made Naomi wince a little but ROUND ONE went to Naomi on the strength of her consistent jabbing.
Charlize opened the action landing a solid right to Naomi's chin which semi buckled the big supermodel's knees and forced her to grab Charlize and hold on, tying up her arms. Charlize went to work Naomi's body with some effect which enabled her to win the second round.
Naomi went to work in round three, landing a zinging overhand right that dropped her on her ass in her corner. Charlize beat the count but was in big trouble and Naomi went to work! A series of jabs nearly closed Charlize's right eye and her left was badly swollen by round's end. Charlize's mother who was acting as her trainer, began working on her daughter's eyes with ice as Naomi's solid jabs were closing them fast.
Charlize still was defiant but she was having trouble seeing and this round Naomi began to work the Oscar-winning actresses famously vulnerable body. Naomi started to use left and right hooks with brutal efficiency, pancaking both of Charlize's breasts and drawing winces and moans from the big blonde. When Charlize began to drop her hands to protect her 'precious puppies' she was dropped near the ropes by that overhand right of Naomi's!
Naomi raised her gloves and smiled to the crowd as she stepped over the blonde actress and went to the far corner. Charlize got up but she was hurting big time! Her pretty face was badly swollen and Naomi started having fun with her; teeing off at will until she decided that fun was fun but it was time for Charlize to go down and stay down! Naomi ripped her left glove in under Charlize's right bra cup and as she tilted forward, Naomi caught ALL of the blondes chin with a right uppercut. Naomi announced in the words of Sonny and Cher, "I got you babe!" as she rocked Charlize with the thunderous right. Charlize's head exploded and sweat flew as her arms dropped limp to her sides and her knees buckled like two spaghetti strands!
Charlize's mother quickly threw in the towel but it didn't matter; her baby girl was beaten, lying face down on the canvas. Naomi quickly pulled off Charlize shorts and tore them in two, using them to tie Charlize's ankles to the ring post. Then Naomi stood over her fallen Afrikaner opponent and hissed as she shot her right fist to the sk in a victory pose as she straddled the unconscious white girl.
Kate Beckinsale and Victoria Beckham were the first ones on their feet cheering, after all, they knew what was good for them!
#3: Naomi Campbell vs. Jennifer Garner by Jack Fac
By now Naomi was absolutely convinced there was no living soul who could take her title as 'female celebrity boxing champ'. She'd gotten used to the fawning after beating both Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham and Kate Beckinsale in the same night. And Charlize Theron made sure she gave Naomi a wide berth after having been knocked cold in her challenge to the Afro-Brit KO artist. Then one day while Naomi was working out in the gym, she came across Jennifer Garner suited up and punching the speed bag.
"That's a funny thing, for a little Appalachian Turkey like you from West Virginia to be doing isn't it" said Naomi.
Garner continued hammering the bag for a minute, then let loose with, "This could be that big dumb yammering piss-ant brain of yours instead of a bag!" Jennifer continued, "You and those horsebleep anger management classes! They don't seem to be working. Dumb and dumber. Grow up and go get a real job."
Whoa! Naomi was all set to have it out with Jennifer right there!
"You got a big mouth for a little twit, don't you Garner'?"
"I can back it up," said Jennifer. "Let's say The Fleet Center in Boston in two weeks?"
Naomi was sure she had another pigeon and quickly accepted.
Jennifer arrived with her trainer, Sue Anne Langdon, the undisputed conqueror of the legendary Mary Tyler Moore while Naomi brought Eartha Kitt who had demonished Sue Anne.
Jennifer slips that big left of Naomi's and has her taller opponent missing. Then she slips inside Naomi's long arms and delivers some really hard body combinations that leave Naomi grimacing. Naomi hasn't felt this kind of pain from punches... until now! Garner closes out the round as she hammers a clean left-right to Naomi's face that has her backing up. ROUND ONE goes to Garner!
Naomi is eager for an early kill and she concentrates on boxing and feinting in the early part of this round. She fakes an overhand right which suckers Garner, whereupon Campbell delivers a vicious left hook that puts Garner on her back! Jennifer is back up on her feet readjusting her garter belt when Campbell lands a solid jab to Jen's jaw! Jen falls again to a Naomi left hook just as the bell rings. Naomi wins this round decisively. Back in the Garner corner Sue Anne is imploring Jennifer to keep slipping punches and start working Naomi's body.
Following instructions, Jennifer wallops Naomi in the midsection, then hammers her with a solid uppercut right. Naomi is bleeding from the mouth! Jennifer targets Naomi's right eye which is now swelling and closing. Jennifer goes in full bore and catches a right to the jaw from Naomi that staggers the 'Alias' star, but she fires back hard, landing a solid left-right combination to Naomi's jaw. As Naomi FALLS, the crowd goes wild! Naomi gets up but she's dazed and disoriented and Jen hits her again. Naomi crumples to her knees, then topples over face first to the mat as the place erupts in pandemonium!
Garner stands over her beaten foe, one foot posed on Naomi's tight butt!. She is the new champion! A rematch will almost surely take place once Naomi takes a few more courses and comes to terms with her decisive defeat!
#4: Naomi Campbell vs. Sue Bird (WNBA) by "Jack Fac"
Naomi had always liked basketball and had started attending the WNBA games. One night in Springfield, Mass. the Seattle Storm played the Connecticut Suns and Sue Bird, former UConn. Star, was playing for the Storm. Naomi was casually introduced to Sue after the game in which Sue scored 24 points and was a factor in her team's victory. During a small intimate party, Naomi took the liberty of inviting Sue over to her digs for a nightcap and a chat. Sue accepted though she indicated she had an early flight out in the morning for another road game.
"Oh no problem," said Naomi.
A short while later Naomi was giving Sue the 'grand tour' of her house. She took Sue downstairs to the gym where Sue quickly noticed the boxing ring set up. Naomi proudly informed Sue that she was the former 'celebrity boxing champ' but had lost her title to Jennifer Garner. Sue was taken aback.
"That little so and so beat YOU?"
Sue quickly pointed out that she'd done some boxing in high school and wasn't too bad herself.
"Want to spar a little?" said Naomi.
Sue donned her gloves and slipped out of her clothes, leaving only her panties on for the 'friendly' bout while Naomi changed into her trademark bikini.
Naomi quickly established her left jab, hitting Sue with some good shots around the eyes. Sue was ticked off and took some wild swings but landed none on Naomi at all.
"What's wrong princess," teased Naomi. "Having some problems are we?"
Sue's temper was getting the better of her. She was like an overmatched gunfighter. She was willing to 'reach for it' and she had lots of pride on the line but Naomi had The MOJO working and she connected hard to Sue's midriff which made Sue buckle in some pain. This was fun for Naomi. She had an 'easy mark' she thought. Sue was in over her head and Naomi decided to teach the upstart smart-ass basketball player her place was on the court not in the ring which was another matter entirely!
Naomi connected with an explosive which sent Bird on her ass and down. At this point Naomi's two flunkies, Kate Beckinsale and Victoria Beckham came out of hiding and revealed themselves as Sue was taking it full throttle from Naomi who was hitting Sue at will. But the proud New Yorker was trying hard to stay up and she managed until Naomi hit her with that classic left/right combo that had ended the night of so many other celebrities! Sue staggered and, with glazed eyes, stumbled toward Naomi.
"You win champ, I give," Sue gasped.
Naomi exclaimed, "RIGHT sucker! I always win!" Then she drilled the hapless basketball champ with her big right. Sue just tottered and fell into the ropes, dropped to both knees and then pitched forward on her cheek with her face turned away from Naomi She was done!
Naomi order Posh to, "Get a blanket for our guest."
Beckham proceeded to cover Sue's fallen figure with it as Naomi posed and preened over her fallen opponent.
"Nightie-night, sweetie," Naomi crowed. "We'll have to do this again sometime. Sleep tight and I hope you don't miss your plane."
Naomi strutted off to her own bed savoring this little sweet private victory. She had Beckinsale pour her some champagne as she thought about what she would do to Charlize Theron and Jennifer Garner. But first... time to do in Josie Maran next right here in her little den of doom!
#5: Naomi Campbell vs. Josie Maran by "Jack Fac"
A really elegant party was in process for the 'runway models' and, as usual, Naomi Campbell attended but his time she had some 'new fish' to fry. She was accompanied by her two Brit/Twit flunkies, Victoria "Posh" Beckham and Kate Beckinsale who tended to Naomi's every need such as getting her drinks etc. Naomi was 'on the hunt' for Josie Maran whom Naomi thought was getting a tad big for her britches in the trade since Josie scored big in SI with her yellow thong bikini.
Naomi spotted Josie and walked over to her, purring a sweet, "Hello, how are you?"
Josie acknowledged her and soon they were caught up in 'shop talk'. When the party was breaking up, Naomi invited Josie back to her place to continue the chat and Josie accepted - but with the proviso that she'd need 'her beauty sleep' for a big shoot in the AM.
Naomi grinned as she replied, "Oh, don't worry I'll see you get plenty of sleep!"
Of course, Naomi was still thinking of her KO of Sue Bird and how Sue had awakened late the next morning spread-eagled on the floor of Naomi's gym after her devastating defeat! Sue had not only missed her team flight but had been fined $5000 by the team! Naomi later got flowers and a congratulatory autographed picture from Sue which read, "To My conqueror in the boxing ring. You're the champ and the best!"
When Josie arrived at Naomi's they went out by the pool, Naomi in a black bikini and Josie stripped down to her yellow thong.
"Care to race a couple of laps?" challenged Naomi?
"You bet!" said Josie with the confidence of a California girl.
Kate Beckinsale blew the whistle and both gals dove in and made for the other end; Josie churning wildly in her lane only to be crestfallen when she pulled up after the second lap to see Naomi standing and smiling at her. She'd been beaten and did NOT like this one bit!
"How about some pool sharking?" teased Naomi.
Again Josie accepted and again another wipeout at Naomi's hands was left the younger model's ego bleeding big time!. Josie spotted a beautiful hand carved, Ivory chess set and thought that would be her chance for redemption... no luck. Naomi was the winner once more.
"Damn you're one tough cookie," said Josie grudgingly.
Suddenly, the doors of the room were flung open by Posh to reveal Naomi's private gym and boxing ring.
"That's where you'll see how tough I really am," said Naomi. "Got the guts to try?"
Posh pulled the gloves onto Josie's fists as Kate laced up Naomi's. Naomi waited patiently as Kate walked over and rang the bell.
Once more, Naomi had carefully measured and analyzed her victim! She delivered a nasty left jab followed by an overhand right that dropped Josie on her ass! She got up but was dazed and Naomi was already toying with her....watching the fear in her eyes. Josie took a left hook to the gut and a right uppercut sent her reeling backward into the ropes. She staggered and stayed up but to no avail! Naomi crowed, "Sleep tight little bitch!" as she hit Josie with a solid right to the jaw. Josie's legs buckled and she slammed back into the ropes, recoiled off them and pitched forward face down! She lay still as Naomi stepped over her limp body and leaned over the ropes, ordering Kate to fetch her black mini skirt and white top which she changed into.
Then Naomi put on her stilletto heels and planted her foot on Josie's right ass cheek, posing as Posh snapped a half dozen pictures of her 'victory pose' with an electronic camera. Then, like others before her, Josie was provided with a blanket that covered her thighs - but not her ass - as Naomi left her laying face down in the ring ala Sue Bird for the rest of the night
Josie got her beauty sleep all right but when she awoke the next morning she wasn't fit to strut the catwalk - instead, Posh drove Josie to the show and sat her in the front row to watch Naomi strut HER stuff.
As she passed her, Naomi looked down and chirped, "Morning there sunshine. Sure was fun for me. Was it good for you?"
A few weeks later, Josie finished her workday and headed downtown in L.A. for a drink and some possible companionship. She stopped into an Irish pub where there was a pool table and she spotted Naomi's 'friend' Kate Beckinsale who was fiddling around with a cue.
"Hey 'Brit/Twit', what's up?" said Josie derisively.
Kate snarled and then laughed at Josie who had been beaten to a pulp by Naomi Campbell at Naomi's gym a couple of weeks before with Kate and 'Posh' Beckham watching it happen.
"Care for a game, sucker?" sneered Beckinsale. "I see 'bosslady' (Beckinsale always called Naomi that since her own trouncing by the big black dominatrix) whipped your ass in pool among many other things!"
Josie slammed Beckinsale hard in the gut which made Kate wince in pain, then snarled, "Rack em up and make it snappy!"
Kate did just that and after Josie broke the rack, she made short work of 'running the table' on Kate. It was warm and both gals had stripped down to their bikinis - as they often did in Irish pubs (it's called the "McDougal Effect" and scientists are still trying to figure out why they do it!)
Shortly Josie said, "You suck at pool just like you do fighting!" whereupon Kate swung her cue at Josie, narrowly missing her head.
Josie fired a right cross hard into Kate's belly, then worked her over with lefts and rights until Kate fell unconscious to the floor. At this point Josie ordered two waitresses to lift Kate's limp body up and toss her onto the pool table. Kate was thrown face down after which Josie ripped off Kate's bikini bottom, got a magic marker from the bartender and wrote on the left cheek of Kate's ass... "Josie Maran beat my butt big time!"
Then Josie then strode out of the pub amid gales of laughter directed at Kate who lay butt naked on the pool table. But when Naomi heard how her 'girl' had been humiliated in public, she swore to get revenge on Josie...as soon as she finished 'reprimanding' Kate for making her 'bosslady' look bad with her weakness!
#6: Naomi Campbell vs. Kathleen Turner by "Jack Fac"
Across town from the pool hall, another Hollywood Party was going full blast and like any good Hollywood party, there were lots of models and even more actresses. Of course, Naomi came to check out who she might be able to line up as her next victim...er, opponent! She'd heard all about how Charlize Theron had left the country after her humiliating defeat at the hands of Naomi ("gone to South Africa to get in shape for a rematch" or so the story went!)
Jennifer Garner was at the party, sitting with Kathleen Turner with whom (Naomi had heard underground rumors claimed) was something of a 'mentor' for Jennifer. When Naomi came upon them she couldn't have been happier!
"Well lookie who's here," chortled Kathleen as Jennifer beamed up smugly at Naomi. "Say hello to the REAL champ Naomi!" Kathleen beamed, wrapping her arm around Jennifer's shoulders and giving her 'protégé' a hug. "She beat your lanky, skanky ass like a Watusi tribal drum!"
Naomi bristled as she shot back, "You'd best shut the hell up you old broad; before it's your fat ass that gets kicked!"
"Oh my, my," Kathleen teased. "That anger management still an issue for you Naomi?"
Jennifer remained strangely silent while Naomi was in a 'tear ass' mood as she continued, "You know what, you old has-been? I could whip you with ONE hand and it's my left."
"You're kidding aren't you," came back Kathleen, looking a little taken aback at Naomi's braggadocio since Kathleen had something of a rep as a toughgal (in her day).
"Nope," Naomi said, puffing out her perky chest. "Just stop by my place after the party and I'll show you. Hell, bring the CHUMP, er, I mean CHAMP along with you if you like!"
Jennifer's face reddened now as she wanted to leap up and slap Naomi's insolent mouth, but she managed to holdher tongue.
Little more than an hour later, Naomi entered her ring outfitted in her usual black bikini. Kathleen had come straight from the party without any clothes but the ones on her back. She quickly peeled off her dress and stripped down to panties and garters (a la Prizzi's Honor) along with her high heels. The agreed upon rules were that Naomi would get only ONE shot at some point during the fight with her right hand; all other punches must be delivered with her left.
Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham rang the bell and the fight started as Naomi manuevered away from Kathleen's power which was her right hand. Suddenly, Kathleen fired a left hook to Naomi's exposed side and it hurt like hell. She bent over and Kathleen hammered her with a right uppercut that send Naomi skidding across the canvas on her butt.
Jennifer Garner, along with a number of other startlets rooting for Turner sent up a huge roar as the 'Dark Dominatrix' was knocked down for the first time in more fights than she could recall. She recovered quickly however, regained her feet and as Kathleen moved in, Naomi connected skillfully and frequently with her rapier left jab! Kathleen's eyes quickly started swelling but she kept boring in as she drove more shots to Naomi's long, lean, lanky body. Kathleen certainly could hit hard! ROUND ONE went to Kathleen.
The second round saw Naomi moving more swiftly in the ring, using her longer, younger legs and forcing Kathleen to miss with her booming rights. Their age difference was beginning to tell and Naomi capitalized as Kathleen began to breath heavily. Naomi began hammering Kathleen with the left while continuing to reserve her mighty right hand, keeping it cocked menacingly at her jawline. Kathleen's eyes were now swelling closed and Naomi was starting to 'have fun'. She played with her prey, allowed Kathleen the luxury of standing still while hitting her with more body shots, working her way up to her face again. The bruising and swelling on Kathleen was intensifying as the second round wore on and then Naomi caught Kathleen flush on the jaw with that hard left hook! Kathleen went flying back into the ropes, rebounded off them and dropped to her knees, then tumbled over on her heaving bare breasts which pancaked beneath her.
Kathleen got up to one knee and muttered through swollen lips, "You lucky pig! You'll pay for that!"
Naomi laughed, "Not tonight honey bun and sweet dreams!"
Kathleen never saw the right hand that crashed into her jaw and drove her across the ring a la Posh. Except Kathleen, unlike Posh, didn't flip over. Her legs just wobbled under her as she staggered and then pitched forward like a downed gunfighter. Her knees hit the canvas and her lower legs splayed up for a moment before her limp body settled on the canvas!
While Kate Beckinsale counted the former Hollywood 'Tough Woman' out, the stunned starlets filed out in silence, having watched their veteran idol fall to the truly toughest 'Tough Woman' yet! Naomi had Kate throw a robe over Kathleen's thighs but left her ample ass exposed after she stripped her panties just as she lay done to Sue Bird and Josie Maran.
Naomi couldn't stop grinning as Jennifer carefully gathered up her unconscious mentor and carried her to her car. The next match for Naomi would be with Charlize Theron and for Naomi, it couldn't come soon enough!
#7: Naomi Campbell vs. Charlize Theron (II) by "Jack Fac"
The script couldn't have been written better! Several planes came into Kennedy Airport in N.Y. at close intervals containing Naomi Campbell and her Brit Twit entourage from California on one; Charlize Theron and her Mom from South Africa on another and Sue Bird, Kathleen Turner and Josie Maran on a third in from the mid-West.
All spotted each other in the terminal and it was there that Charlize issued her, I'm ready to rumble' challenge to Naomi.
As they exchanged shoves near the baggage claim center, Naomi hissed, "'Madison Square Garden next week...chump! I hope your Momma brought that towel to throw in again."
By the time word got around about the fight, Jennifer Garner flew into town to attend as an 'interested spectator'. Charlize had been truly roughing it over in South Africa but she'd also put in extra time at the gym and had finished up her training by knocking out a female South African Army Major in a bout staged for the troops enjoyment. Charlize was ready!
Both gals stepped into the ring, their hard, toned bodies glistening with sweat. Charlize had also brought along her new trainer...Sue Anne Langdon who had wiped out 'Ms. Moore', as she haughtily referred to Mary Tyler Moore, in a couple of bouts. Charlize loved Sue Anne's style and spunk despite the fact that Sue Anne had fallen hard under Eartha Kitt's thunderous fists. No matter, Charlize knew she had to make a change in her approach to this fight and Sue Anne wanted Charlize to 'force the fight' with Naomi.
Charlize immediately attacked Naomi's head with several solid shots and drew blood with a straight right. Naomi didn't like this one bit as she wasn't used to bleeding in ANY fights up to now. Charlize went to her strategy of 'sticking and moving' right off the bat as she hammered Naomi mercilessly with a flurry of body shots and the tall model winced with pain. ROUND ONE was clearly Charlize.
Naomi came out with a new determination. She was in a tough fight just as the 'Brit/twits'' had warned her she would be. She and Charlize stood toe to toe in the middle of the ring exchanging head shots when suddenly, Charlize's knees buckled when Naomi hammered her with a left-right combo. The tall blonde clattered backward to the ropes but gave it back to Naomi with a big roundhouse right as she rebounded off the strands. Naomi's knees unhinged and she dropped backwardl on her ass! The Garden erupted as Charlize stumbled forward, stepping over Naomi as she reeled across the ring to the far corner. Naomi sat stunned before she pulled herself up the ropes as round two ended.
Sue Anne pushed Charlize off her stool with instructions to, "Finish her off now, while you've got the momentum."
Naomi tried charging Charlize but the big blond gal slipped her punches and once again resumed her vicious body attack. It was taking it's toll on Naomi and a huge right to the solar plexus sent pain shooting all through Naomi's body. The big black supermodel started backpedaling like a loser as Charlize hit her repeatedly with shots to the eyes and nose which restarted Naomi's cuts bleeding.
"Gonna beat your snotty/snooty ass but good," hissed Charlize, hitting Naomi with impunity.
Naomi, for a change, had no wise acre comeback and the ringside crowd knew this was going to be Charlize's night. Naomi was beaten! She muttered for Charlize to "Stop!" saying, "I want to surrender." But Charlize just smiled and hit Naomi with a right hand the entire arena could 'feel'. It slammed across Naomi's jaw and her eyes glazed as she stumbled back on rubbery long legs - right into Charlize 'knockout left'!
Naomi crumpled and dropped face down at Charlize feet. The crowd was on fire as the tall blonde raised her arms in triumph and danced around Naomi's unmoving body. Jennifer Garner came into the ring to present the championship belt to Charlize. "Come try to take this back any time, you flunky of an anger management student," Charlize crowd over Naomi's unhearing body.
All of Naomi's former victims in her private gym fights, Sue Bird, Josie Maran and Kathleen Turner came into the ring to pay homage to Charlize. Once the celebration was over, Charlize called Posh and Kate Beckinsale over to administer smelling salts to Naomi. Where Naomi went after the fight was anyone's guess but those who know her say her final words as she left Madison Square Garden that night were an ominous, "I'll be baaack!"
#8: Naomi Campbell vs. Catherine "Cat" Bell by "Jack Fac"
Naomi Campbell had taken a solid beating at the hands of Charlize Theron and lost her chance to regain the title of 'Female Celebrity boxing champion'. She was angered that Jennifer Garner (the wuss who did beat her) meekly turned the title over to Charlize but she couldn't dwell on that either. Meantime, Naomi's 'Brit/Twits' had tried to fight their way to freedom against her in Naomi's private gym but, once again, Naomi delivered a vicious defeat to the former 'Killer B's' as they were once known. Both had fallen to her blows and been left on the canvas lying next to one another battered to a faretheewell.
The ref for that fight had been 'Cat' Bell who had stopped in for a drink and ended up participating in that role at Naomi's request. Afterward, Cat and Naomi sat 'ringside' commenting on who was the best fighter around. Naomi felt she was, her loss to Charlize notwithstanding. Cat had fought Charlize almost a dozen times in the ring and had won 5 of the 11 bouts. She had decided (or so she thought) that it was time to 'retire' as those fights took a great deal out of her. Naomi chided her and this got Cat's competitive juices flowing.
"Hey, how about taking me on then you conceited jerk," challenged Cat.
Naomi couldn't have been more delighted, "Let's make it Philly next week then, you bogus jarhead clown!" continued Naomi. "Wear some Marine gear on your ass so I can rip it off."
A good sized crowd showed up, including Charlize in the mix, to see Naomi and 'the Cat' rumble. Cat wore a stunning bikini which had a scarlet and gold bottom and the Marine Corps emblem on the backside (a globe, anchor and eagle) while Naomi had on her trademark black bikini.
The bell rang and Naomi began with her patented left jab which found Cat's face several times and actually snapped her head back. Naomi followed with a hard body shot which made Cat back up as she was hurt early in the round. Cat moved inside and hammered Naomi with several bruising body shots of her own. Naomi was now in some pain of her own. As they broke away from one another, Cat scored with a clean right uppercut which buckled Naomi's knees though she kept her feet. ROUND ONE was even.
Naomi was pressing hard with a lead right which catches Cat squarely in the left eye. She follows with a left hook to the body and another right to the head which backs Cat up some more. "Ready to offficially retire you flunky gyrene'," hissed Naomi who was on her game. She's connecting two shots for every one of Cat's as they fight it out in the center of the ring. "Surrender to your superior, Colonel MacKenzie, that's an order!" chortled Naomi.
Cat swung her right but Naomi's left connected first flush to her jaw. The 'Marine Colonel' stumbled on rubbery legs looking incredulously at Naomi. "You got the Mojo babe," mumbled Cat as Naomi wound up her left/right combo and delivered them to the helpless brunette who literally 'fell in battle' to the runway model.
As Cat's limp body lay face down on the canvas, Naomi untied Cat's bikini bottom and tied her wrists together with it, then she dragged her beaten/battered opponent around the ring using her strong left hand while taunting the Marines who had shown up from the Philly Naval yard. Naomi purred, "From the Halls of Montezuma to the Shores of Tripoli I've knocked this loser out for all the world to see." She let go of the tied wrists and let Cat's limp body drop to the canvas.
"Charlize!" Naomi bellowed. "I've got your ass in my sights next. Hope you took good notes!"
#9: Naomi Campbell vs. Catherine-Zeta Jones by "Jack Fac"
It had been eating at Catherine-Zeta Jones for some time that whenever she went to a particular restaurant in LA she alwasys saw the Brit/Twits (Victoria "Posh" Beckham and Kate Beckinsale) catering to Naomi Campbell and waiting on her hand and foot. Catherine was well aware that the two had been slaughtered in the ring by Naomi more than once but enough was enough; it was time to act!
Catherine approached their table and told Naomi, "Say there tootsie, don't you think it's high time you released these gals from this insane arrangement?"
Naomi responded by standing up to her full height, slightly towering over Catherine. She glowered down at the Welsh gal, then hissed, "If you know what's good for you TOOTSIE, you'll haul your dumb ass back to your table with your OLD MAN and let him keep you safe."
Catherine was non-plussed and simply said, "I DO KNOW what's good for me and for THEM as well." She motioned to Posh and Kate, "And I say let them go!"
Naomi's legendary temper was really flaring now. "You ain't got what it takes to MAKE it happen, sister!!"
Catherine came back with, "Don't bet the ranch on it, you overcompensated nimnod."
Well, that did it! Naomi issued an immediate challenge which Catherine instantly accepted. They hopped in their respective cars and over to Naomi's gym they drove. A good sized crowd of Hollywood celebrities were in the restaurant and they all followed along to chez Naomi. Sue Bird, Josie Maran, Kathleen Turner (all previous Naomi KO victims) went along as did Charlize Theron who was 1-1 in her two fights with Naomi. It was SRO in Naomi's private gym. Catherine was THE hope for the Brit/Twits now, since if she were beaten by their Mistress it would go doubly hard on them.
The bell rang and Catherine came charging out with a vicious right which landed flush on Naomi's left eye. That was followed by a hard left to Naomi's mid-section which doubled her up. Clearly, Catherine could fight although Naomi didn't yet know that CZJ had trained under fellow Welshman Ian Woosnam, a former boxer turned pro golfer. Catherine pressed her attack and as she circled on confident legs, the big Welshwoman landed another shot to Naomi's eye which started to swell up. It was all Catherine in the first round!
Naomi scored early in the second, landing a jarring left hook early which wobbled Catherine a bit, but she stayed upright. But Catherine had been more hurt than she let on, however, and Naomi floored her with a big right. Catherine was dazed but she gamely got back up, dug in and hammered Naomi with a great body attack. As Naomi doubled up again, Catherine came up with a right uppercut squarely to Naomi's jaw. The big model clattered back and then fell into the ropes on her butt! Naomi managed to pull herself up by the ropes and regained her feet but Catherine's knockdown left round two even!
The third round found Catherine launching a big attack to Naomi's body once more and Naomi was feeling it now. She was wobbling and when Catherine landed a left-right combo, Naomi fell on her back. She got up again, but was nearly helpless as Catherine landed her 'coup de grace'; a roundhouse left! Naomi staggered back to the ropes and caught herself. As she lay draped over the ropes blinking, looking unbelievingly at Catherine, the Welshwoman snarled, "So, they're free aren't they?"
After a brief hesitation, Naomi replied defiantly, "For now they are!"
Then Catherine watched Naomi as she fell face down at her feet. Naomi was counted out by Cat Bell, another of her victims, then the newly freed 'Brit/Twits' joined Catherine in Naomi's bar for a real celebration with the jubliant crowd. All toasted Catherine heartily with Naomi's finest Champagne while Naomi lay out cold in her gym. That was certainly a first!!
#10: Naomi Campbell vs. Peta Wilson by “Jack Fac”
Naomi's ego had been bashed some after she'd been KO’d by Catherine Zeta Jones. It meant Naomi had to free the 'Brit - Twits' (Posh Spice and Kate Beckinsale) from servitude as her flunkies. Naomi found herself attending more anger management courses as lots was bottled up inside her and it was time to unleash some of her venom. After an evening session, she dropped into a local watering hole and found Aussie stars, Nicole Kidman and Peta Wilson shooting pool. Naomi was spoiling to start something so she meandered over to the table, grabbed Kidman's cue just as she was lining up a shot. Nicole was already losing to Peta and was in a foul mood.
“Rack up ALL of Nicole's balls on the table,” Naomi told Peta.
“Do it your damned self,” thundered Peta. “What's your point anyhow?”
“I'm gonna beat your ass is what's gonna happen here, you wuss ‘Nkita’phony,” snorted Naomi who was in full stride.
They racked them up and Peta had four balls left but Naomi claimed she'd win with a full complement of her own. Peta was a little shaken and missed her next shot. Naomi was dead on and she ran the table on Peta Wilson beating her easily.
Peta was a tad ashen as Nicole confronted Naomi and got in her face, “You've got a hell of a nerve you have you half-assed clown.”
That was enough for Naomi and she clouted Nicole square on the jaw with a right uppercut. Nicole's long legs tottered for a moment, then she plunged face down across the pool table!
“You want some too, you movie tough broad?” chided Naomi. “I have a nice boxing ring right in my basement if you have the guts to try me.”
Peta's pride was on the line with everyone looking at her as she said, “Yeah I'll give you a go!”
“When, NOW?” replied Naomi.
About twenty people (including Nicole Kidman, Naomi Watts and several other Aussie backers) followed them back to Naomi's pad where Peta stripped down to a sexy pair of blue bikii briefs while Naomi changed into her standard black bikini. Kim Cattrall, temporarily living with Naomi, agreed to serve as the ref.
Peta had some 'kickboxing' training and she tried a roundhouse kick which Naomi avoided.
“Oh, want to try that do we?” laughed Naomi as she slammed Peta with a solid right leg kick to her opponent's rib cage.
Peta winced and stumbled back but she reset herself and threw a good right cross which caught Naomi flush on the jaw and snapped her head back as sweat flew. Peta COULD hit, as she proved when she delivered another right followed by a left hook which sent Naomi sprawling on the mat, landing hard on her tight ass. The place was hooting and whistling in support of Peta as she waded in and scored with a good left jab and hook for good measure and won the round.
Naomi is pissed now and has lost sight of her standard 'battle plan' to use her long left jab. Peta is the same height and gives nothing away in reach. Peta tags Naomi repeatedly with left/right combos and, once again, a big right hand drops Naomi!
“Wanna bag it mate?”laughs Peta as Naomi struggles to get up.
“Hell NO!”roars Naomi.
Back on her feet, the towering black girl connects with a left hook which sends Peta reeling back across the ring, then down on her ass as Peta's legs give way, shooting up in the air as she hits the canvas and bounces on her butt from the force of the blow. Peta gets up but she’s glassy eyed and Naomi pounces in for the kill! She clobbers Peta hard about the eyes with solid hooks and jabs.
“Gonna give you a lesson now you down under loser,” snarls Naomi.
Peta is getting arm weary and is beginning to run out of gas. Naomi is only STARTING to motor.
Naomi continues hammering Peta who is experiencing a battered and swelling face. Peta is looking to surrender but Naomi just puts her hands on her hips and faces the other way for a second. Suddenly, she turns and her big right hand connects with Peta's exposed jaw. The Aussie's legs fold like an accordion and she falls into back the ropes, then rebounds back forward and crumples to the canvas. Peta lays face down with her right arm extended over her head and her left arm at her side.
'La Femme Nikita' has more than met her match with the runway model whose boxing career has taken a turn to the right side this night!
“Drag her the hell out of here!” snarls Naomi. “I can't stand being around wusses and losers!”
Naomi’s already stripping off her bikini as she heads to the shower with referee Kim Cattrall while Peta's limp body is lifted and carried out the door by Nicole, Naomi Watts, Elle McPherson, the Minogue sisters and other Aussie beauties left broken-hearted by Naomi's destruction of their heroine Peta Wilson!