'Downtown' Julie Brown vs. Reba McIntire by Jack Fac

Reba had just appeared in an off Broadway stage production of 'Annie Get Your Gun' and was being feted by some pals in a local restaurant to celebrate her fiftieth birthday. 'Downtown' Julie Brown had been assigned an interview with Reba by her boss back in New York but it wasn't something she cared about since Reba's music and style bored the crap out of her - at least to hear Julie tell it! Julie sidled up to the celebration table which was in a wild West kind of place replete with a 'fast draw' game where two contestants could draw down on each other. Julie was feeling 'full of it' as she approached Reba.

"Hey old girl kind of a boring show but someone's gotta do it huh?" teased Julie.

Reba's companion's were stunned to hear this from Julie.

"Don't take that crap from her!" piped up Cynthia Nixon who was sitting at the table with Reba.

"Hey, I want any crap outta YOU, I'll squeeze your damned head!" shot back Julie.

Cynthia got to her feet out of pride - only to be instantly hammered back down on her ass by Julie's lightning right cross.

"Gotta admit you're pretty damned quick on the draw," said Reba. "You might even be half as tough as this 'old Okie' here."

"Hell!" shot back Julie. "I'd kick your redheaded ol' ass just as easy as I did hers!"

"Let's you and me do a fast draw first," challenged Reba.

"You got it!" responded Julie confidently. The two gals faced off with six shooters strapped to their hips.

"Big bad Julie Brown huh?" chirped Reba. "Hit it then!"

Reba made her move but Julie was quicker and before Reba's pistol cleared leather, Julie had fired several blanks from her pistol. 'Downtown' had wiped out 'Annie Oakley' big time and folks were muttering what a 'phony' this Annie character was after having been beaten by a semi well-known 'Talking Head'. Reba's pride was beyond wounded.

"You'll pay big for this tomorrow night over at the stadium," she hissed. "I'll see you in the ring over there. An' yuh better bring your damned 'A' fight because I'm gonna kick the stuffin outta you!"

The Next Night at the Arena -

Reba enters the ring in her celebrated 'Annie outfit' but with a yellow thong on under her dress. Julie has her stupefying purple thong on as usual and, in an unsettling development for Reba's fans, Naomi Campbell is there to referee!

ROUND ONE: Reba chases after Julie throwing caution to the winds. She connects with Julie's jaw and sends her sprawling. Naomi counts to five before Julie gets back up. The redhead penetrates Julie's defense and hits her with hard body shots. Julie is in 'the fight of her life' for sure. Reba continues the attacks and hits Julie with several brutal head shots. It's all Reba in this round. She's confident and smirking as she heads to her corner after the bell.

ROUND TWO: Julie continues to feel the body shots but answers now with a good left / right combo that backs Reba up. "You punch like a wuss there, Downtown Gal," chirps Reba.

But Julie rocks Reba back on her heels with a solid overhand right and Reba is staggered! The punch hurts Reba as everyone knows because her legs are rubbery. Julie goes into her 'killer mode' as she wallops Reba with a series of hard hooks to the body, then delivers a heavy right to Reba's solar plexus. The fight is taking a decidedly 'downtown' turn now as Reba is backing away from Julie's vicious body attack. "You're a chicken shit Okie is what you are!" snarls Julie.

ROUND THREE: Julie has targeted Reba's body mercilessly for two rounds and this round she ups her targets, going for Reba's eyes continuously. She's got her gal in trouble and Julie can smell Reba's sudden fear.

"Couldn't keep it up, could you girl" laughs Julie. Reba attempts to hit Julie with a right but Julie's left beats her to the punch. Reba is staggered backwards once again. Julie belts her some more with head shots.

"No more Downtown, you got me...you got me," sobs the disconsolate Reba.

"You pathetic old has-been clown," taunts Julie. "You remind me of that other loser, Cattrall! Now, your old redheaded ass is mine Reba darling," says a delighted Julie as she hammers the Okie with her patented right.

Reba wobbles back on legs that are now flaccid and falls face down at Julie's feet. Naomi counts out the redhead. Julie goes to Reba's corner and collects the 'Annie hat and six shooter' and puts them on. She struts around the ring, then stops and strips Reba's thong off. She grabs Reba under her limp and unresisting arms, hauls her to her feet and drags her to the ropes where she and drapes her belly over the middle rope, her bare butt in the air. Julie stands with her pelvis slammed up against Reba's butt as she slowly writes in magic marker across Reba's pale butt cheeks, "Shot down by Downtown!"

The place is loving it as Julie's former 'victims' Kim Cattrall, Diane Lane, Lucy Lawless and Liz Hurley sit at ringside and drop their jaws at this performance by Julie. 'Downtown' is now acknowledged to be the Undisputed Hardcore Fighter #1.
Cybil Shepherd vs. Candy Samples by Jack Fac

The setting is a picnic in Laguna Nigel, California. Beautiful sea breezes coming in as lots of the 'over fifty' crowd is enjoying an afternoon of barbecue and good-natured ribbing. Even Mary Tyler Moore and Sue Anne Langdon have managed to 'patch it up' and have a friendly visit. Still, the competitive juices flow ever so slightly and a suggestion is made to choose up sides for a softball game.

Cybil Shepherd has been her usual feisty self and has managed to get under the skin of more than one person. One of those people was Candy Samples who made it known to one and all she was NOT going to be Cybil's teammate.

"Fine with me you overgrown Harbor Hog has been it'll give me an opportunity to beat your ass anyway!"

Challenge accepted. Cybil is patrolling left field with distinction and makes a sparkling running catch in the gap of Candy's liner. Samples can only stop dead in her tracks and put her hands on her hips as the teams change sides. Cybil and her 'close friend' Christine Baranski (playing right field) are both playing well. Christine drives in Cybil for a 1-0 lead with a double to center.

Lefty hurler Kim Basinger is whiffing hitters like Marilu Henner and Reba McIntire who is badly fooled by Kim's curve for a called third strike. Kim holds onto the 1-0 lead until the final inning. In the last chance for Candy's team, Reba connects solidly this time and hammers a shot to deep right field - but right at Baranski who hauls it in with a smile, then insolently flips the ball back in. As she turns, Christine raises a single finger - to indicated one out.

But Reba misunderstands - or perhaps understands all too well - and is enraged. But she can only jog back to the bench and hang her head. Markie Post rifles a line drive shot to center that looks like extra bases until Mary Hart's great legs run it down.

Now there's two out and it's all up to Candy! She is anxious and first ball swings and sends a sky-high rainmaker to deep left. It looks like a round-tripper but there's that annoying Cybil, reaching up at the fence to pull it down one hand. She run in leaping in victory as a red-faced Candy Samples rumbles out to meet her with her massive mammaries rolling and bounding inside her jersey.

"Think you're hot shit don't you?" screams Candy. "Hey I won didn't I fat ass smirks Cybil. " Candy tries to unload a sucker punch to Cybil's jaw but the Tennessee gal sees it coming. She's underneath it as the blow goes harmlessly by.

"Big mistake you Macy's day balloon," laughs Cybil as she clouts the big bombshell solidly in the jaw.

Her shot wobbles Candy whose legs bow although she doesn't go down. Cybil follows that with a jackhammer punch to Sample's midsection that doubles Candy up in pain.

Shepherd delivers several choice left jabs to Candy's eyes and they swell instantly. Cybil is rocking and rolling at shortstop where this fight (so to speak) is happening.

"Kick her fat ass Cybs!" screams Baranski.

"Pour me a beer!" yells Cybil. "Her fat ass is almost done."

True to her word Cybil comes down hard on Candy, cracking a sharp left followed immediately by a whistling right cross to Candy's ample jaw. Candy rocks back on her heels, staggers two steps then drops on her ass, her huge juggs bouncing wildly in her over-stretched tee shirt. She slowly gets to her knees, her face bruised and her body beaten, mutters, "OK, I admit it. You're good Cybil. You win!" Then she topples over and sprawls face down in the grass.

Cybil's cheering section lifts her up and carries the victorious 'Maddie Hayes' from Moonlighting off the field. Cybil sits on the 'victory bench' sipping her beer and smiling as Candy's pals attempt to bring her around as Marilu Henner lays down on top of Candy giving her 'mound-to-mound' resuscitation!
Annual 'Winners and Losers' Dinner
It was a great night for some and a not so great night for others at the famed '21' in New York where the Annual Winners and Losers Dinner and Gala Ball was being held. The winners had their own table which was filled with luminaries like 'Downtown' Julie Brown, Naomi Campbell, Toni Braxton, Sue Anne Langdon and Kelly LeBrock.

Before having their drinks and meals, however, the 'losers' - women such as Mary Tyler Moore, Melanie Griffith, Denise Richards and Ann Reinking - had to serve drinks and snacks to their conquerors. This was more than a tad demeaning since the beaten ones also got stuck with the tab!

One big-time winner, Naomi Campbell who continually snapped her fingers, demanding Sue Bird and Posh Spice hurry over to take her latest command for a scotch neat. The over-all event was being covered by NBC's "Today Show" talking heads Ann Curry and Campbell Brown. Neither knew the other would be there so it was inevitable there was not only consternation but downright contempt (to the delight of everyone else) when they greeted each other. Ann, the senior person, took her seat at the winners table since she had KO'd Julie Chen of CBS almost a year earlier and was eagerly looking for the new bride of CBS chief Les Moonves to fetch her drink. No Julie!

Just then, Eva Longoria appeared at the winners table to chat with her "Desperate Housewives" co-star Teri Hatcher who had earned her seat when she defeated 'Downtown' Brown over the winter.

Toni Braxton looked up at Longoria and snorted, "What the hell are YOU doin here sweetie? You ain't no goddam winner for SURE!" snarled Braxton.

All talk stopped immediately as all eyes turned to Longoria who was definitely on the spot. "Nice to see you too Toni," she laughed before she smirked and turned to walk away.

But Braxton accosted Eva and whirled her around rudely and got right in her face, "Stay your smart ass away from this place of honor you got that?"

"Now HOW could there be ANY honor with YOU at the table?" shot back Longoria.

The bad blood was simmering by the second.

"Any time you wanna get your tight little girlie ass kicked, just speak up you LOSER!" taunted Toni as she shoved Eva backward over a chair.

Eva coolly got up and accepted her challenge, "Next Month at the L.A. forum, OK Toni? You happy now?"

Toni was indeed happy as she snarled, "Gonna kick your smart little prime time ass all over LA!"
Eva Longoria vs. Toni Braxton by Jack Fac

It's a month later in LA and Eva has recruited Oscar La Hoya to help her while Toni has Sue Anne Langdon in her corner.

ROUND ONE: Toni smokes Eva quickly with a sharp left hook body shot that makes Eva grunt. "Like that one?" laughs Toni. "I got lots more to come!" Toni throws another left hook which Eva blocks, then she counters with a solid right to Toni's right eye. Eva follows with a brutal left that rocks Toni back on her heels. Toni's solid legs are wobbly early as Eva lands several more telling shots before the bell. Eva Longoria has ruled the ring so far.

ROUND TWO: "Stick to the damned game plan Toni," says Sue Anne. Once the round begins, Toni, who has recovered her composure, settles down and gets back to business. Eva's attempt at a straight right is flicked aside by Toni's left glove, then Braxton floors Longoria with an overhand right! Eva sits on her butt, looking up in disbelief at the smiling Braxton looming over her. "Get up you wuss, and fight!" taunts Toni. Eva regains her feet but it's all Toni Braxton as she wallops Eva viciously with continuous head shots that swell Eva's right eye shut. There's no mercy for Eva as Toni wins this round convincingly.

ROUND THREE: "C'mon Eva let's see that backbone!" begs De La Hoya. Toni hears him and laughs in the direction of Eva's corner. "Her backbone AND her ass are both goin' down!" Toni announces. She pounds Eva to the canvas once more with a left-right combo. Sprawled on her back, her chest heaving, it's clear to everyone Longoria is indeed in tough shape. "Your tank is empty and now your ass is mine!" teases Braxton as for the second time in the round, she pummels the hapless, helpless Longoria to the canvas. Toni steps over Eva's prone body and throws her hands up as she meanders to the corner but Eva stubbornly gets up to beat the ten count just before the bell.

ROUND FOUR: It appears Eva's tank is NOT empty yet! She valiantly moves inside, throwing combos that surprise Braxton who is a wee bit taken aback. Her job ISN'T done it seems! Longoria has her honor to uphold and she fights on with a series of great overhand rights which snap Toni's head back. When Longoria hammers Braxton to the canvas for the first time! As soon as Toni's ass and black thong hit the deck, however, she bounces right back up. Several good Longoria head shots connect and NOW it's Toni's left eye that is swollen shut. The crowd is going nuts and are on their feet as both gals are toe-to-toe in the center of the ring, hammering each other - until Toni's fist finds Eva's wide open jaw and she connects with THE punch of the night! It's a roundhouse right that staggers the Latin beauty who stumbles away, then collapses as her legs give way and she pitches forward on her face.

Referee Elke Sommer counts her out and the screaming Forum crowd knows they got their money's worth big time on this night. Eva is slowly brought around by smelling salts and although she lost, Toni knows she's faced a formidable foe. Still, Toni has WON and after a shower, she heads out with Naomi Campbell and 'Downtown' Julie Brown for a few shooters; leaving Teri Hatcher to care for Eva who is disconsolate - yet heartened by the praise of La Hoya and Teri. Once Eva overcomes her disappointment and the aches and pains subside, there just might be a rematch.
'Downtown' Julie Brown vs. Kim Cattrall by Jack Fac

Sex and the City was on location in Staten Island, NY and they were shooting a scene featuring Kim Cattrall and some fireman 'getting it on'. Kim was stripped down to blue bikini panties and the firemen were standing and sitting in jaw dropping poses as they observed her great long legs. Out of nowhere and completely unplanned 'Downtown' Julie Brown appeared to do a 'shoot' of her own. Julie had a fireman boyfriend who was part of Kim's shoot and she was enraged to find her vic-Kim (a gal she always referred to as a Big Doofus) getting this much attention.

"Hey! Get the hell offa the set!" roared Kim's co-stars, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon.

"Up alla your asses!" Julie shot back. "You all better keep away from my man (a fire lieutenant) or I'll cold-cock the whole lot of you."

Since Julie had interrupted, the scene needed to be redone and Kim was tear-ass angry and demanded Julie get off the set while the re-shot the scene.

"You ain't gonna do this shoot here, Big Doofus and that's that!" announced Julie.

"Oh yes we are!" replied Kim, hands on hips in her stubborn pose. "There's big bucks tied up in this deal!"

Julie snarled, "Only thing that's gonna be tied up in 'this deal' is your fat ass by a rope as I drag your out-cold ass around the firehouse. NOW GET OUT!"

But unbeknownst to Julie, Kim had been taking lessons on French Foot Boxing known as savate. Kim had made it to third class which was pretty decent. As soon as they faced off, Kim's long right leg swept up and hammered Julie viciously in the mid-section, driving her back up against a fire truck. Julie slowly got to her feet, struggling with the aftereffects of the kick. A fireman put boxing gloves on Julie who was now out for blood.

Julie circled Kim and swung with a right but Kim's left leg won this exchange and connected - again to 'Downtown's' gut. Julie was bent over in agony as Cattrall's legs were power instruments big time! As Julie stumbled in excruciating pain, Kim slammed her in the kidneys with a right kick, then as Julie spun with glazed eyes, Kim got her once more in the mid-section. Then she drilled 'Downtown' with a knockout right knee to the jaw as Julie crumpled face down on the firehouse floor.

The fire Captain counted Julie Brown out just for fun as the camera's captured one of Kim's greatest victories in all her fights. She'd taken endless humiliation and taunting about her earlier, losing, effort against 'Downtown' which made revenge very sweet.

Her co-stars lifted Kim onto their shoulders and placed her in the fire truck and the Department gave her a victory ride around Staten Island as she got to wear an officer's hat and short jacket which allowed her long legs to show as she continued to stun the firemen.

Julie's unconscious body lay sprawled face down on the firehouse floor for over an hour before she 'came to' and saw her ex-boyfriend in a liplock with her conqueror!
'Downtown' Julie Brown vs. Teri Hatcher (rematch) by Jack Fac

Julie Brown was taking flack from all angles, but especially from Kim Cattrall's costars who were busy ranking on her on every talk show they could get themselves booked on! Kristin Davis regaled David Letterman with how bad a beating Kim had administered to Julie in the Staten Island firehouse.

"No contest," laughed Davis. "Julie is kaput and out of the fighting business - probably for good," she concluded. Letterman wasn't convinced. "I don't think YOU really want to go in the ring with her, do you Kristin?" he chuckled.

"Welllllll, maybe not ME," was Davis' thoughtful reply. "But then, I'm more the jogging type anyway."

Cynthia Nixon and Ellen DeGeneres had a huge guffaw as Cynthia described in livid detail the sight of Julie's tawny body sprawled out cold on the concrete.

Kristin Davis put in a surprise appearance on Howard Stern's show and while she blushingly declined his offer to show her breasts, she did make a point of needling Robin Quivers about how, "Your sista Julie's butt really bounced off that fire truck before she hit the floor. Down and out baby, down and O-U-T!"

Even Teri Hatcher put in an appearance on Regis and Kelly Ripa's show, hoping to resurrect her own reputation by boasting about her own victory over Julie. "It was awesome," the busty Desperate Housewife gushed. I kicked her buns from her to Timbucktoo and back," she bragged. "And if she wants more, she knows my number. I'll be where she can find me any time"

Julie took all this in and a couple of days later, she was out jogging along the East River when she ran into Kristin Davis - just as she'd hoped.

"Hey there sweet thing; caught your chicken ass girlfriend on Letterman last night. You know what?" continued Julie.

"What?" shot back Kristin.

"Why Kristin I'm not the jogging type but I can beat your ass in a five miler if you want to take me on".

"Sure," smiled Davis confidently. "Let's have at it!"

Julie was setting the pace after three miles and was really having her way with Davis. She kicked at the right time after four miles and a beaten Kristen Davis could only look on helplessly as Julie smoked her down the stretch. 'Downtown' defeated Davis by an easy hundred yards.

Watching Kristin cross the finish line second, Julie snarled, "Now got tell your Big Doofus pal I'm coming after her! You got that?" Then she slammed Kristin with a hard right to the gut and watched the doe eyed 'Charlotte York' crumple to the pavement. "You're an easy mark there, sweet thing," Julie chuckled. "See ya later, loser!"

Julie ran off for coffee and when she took her seat at a table near the window and looked up, she saw none other than Teri Hatcher herself.

"Hey, I found ya didn't I, you braggart?" shouted Julie. "I want your ass in the ring next week. You got that, you jerk?"

"Got it!" was Hatcher's simple response.

"Naomi will set it up," said Julie with a smug sneer.

So it was that at the 'Den of Doom' Naomi Campbell introduced each fighter to lots of celebrities who were having libations and snacks. Julie had her trademark purple thong on and Teri was decked out in her white bikini.

Round one: Julie slams Teri hard in the jaw with her vicious left and hammers her with a leg buckling right to the gut. Teri is stunned from the start. "Been owing you this for months you big mouthed clown," said 'Downtown'. "Your ass is mine tonight."

Teri falls to Julie's combination to the head, but she's back up at four. As soon as Teri is upright, 'Downtown' drills her viciously again, this time with several more head shots. Teri's right eye is starting to swell and it's still the first round! Julie decks Teri again with a snapping right to the breadbasket, followed by a left hook the brunette never saw coming! The crowd in the 'den' is loving the sight of the "great" Teri Hatcher in ruins as she stumbles and staggers to her corner. Nicolette Sheridan is Teri's corner gal and she exhorts Teri, "Suck it up and take the fight to this bitch!".

Round two: Teri hits Julie (finally) with a good combination that rocks Julie a little. Not enough though. Julie fires right back and slams Teri hard into the ropes. Teri's long legs are quivering and she knows she's in trouble. Julie destroys Teri with brutal shots to the boobs and then to her face once more. She staggers Hatcher with another combination and delivers blow upon unanswered blow to Teri's exposed jaw. Hatcher is stumbling and trying to cover up but she and everyone else knows that Julie is beating Teri's ass to a fare-thee-well.

"Sleep tight asshole," chortles Julie as she wallops Teri with a devastating overhand right that ends the brunette's brief evening in the spotlight..

Teri's eyes glaze over as she pitches forward, her knees hit the canvas, then her whole body slowly cascades down; thighs, hips, belly, those luscious breasts and finally her face bounces on the canvas. She lays unmoving as the perfunctory "ten count" is administered - though everyone watching knew it could have gone to twenty, fifty or a hundred!

Naomi raises Julie's right hand as the hard-body straddles Teri's limp and prostrate figure. It's been a grand PAYBACK for Julie who's abso-fuckin'-lutely destroyed her hated rival, Teri Hatcher.

Now, Julie immediately goes into rigorous training preparing to head to California to take kick-boxing lessons from Linda Koslowski as she prepares for her 'revenge match' against the rugged, but older, Kim Cattrall.
'Downtown' Julie Brown vs. Rachel Hunter by Jack Fac

Julie Brown had accepted an invite to appear on a local Chicago talk show as she traveled out to California to train with Linda Kozlowski in the fine art of 'kickboxing'. That particular day another guest appeared, Rachel Hunter. Initially there was friendly banter between Julie and Rachel who had met casually at a New York party months back. But during the telecast Rachel starting teasing Julie about her whipping at the firehouse at the hands of Kim Cattrall.

"I know you whipped her ass in the ring there luv," cooed Rachel. "But she really brought you down in that firehouse."

The audience was warming up to this put-down by Rachel and Julie was also warming (actually hot under the collar would be a better description) and fired back, "Soon that Big Doofus Cattrall will get hers from me and how'd you like to do some friendly ring time with me in the interim?"

This was an out and out challenge to a rather confident Rachel Hunter who had once knocked out Diane Lane, a common opponent of both gals and, just like Rachel, Julie had sent Diane crashing down in defeat.

"Listen if you fight me Julie you'll be in no shape to continue to California," Rachel said, drawing a big whoop from the audience.

Downtown snarled, "Let's do it tomorrow night at a Southside gym!"

The next night we're at the gym where Julie zips off her robe to reveal her stunning figure in the trademark purple thong she wore to all fights. Rachel is drawing a chorus of "ooh" and "aah" from the crowd as she shows them her leopard skin bikini. Legendary 50's fighter Mitzi Gaynor is there to referee, still looking ravishing in tight short shorts showing her still toned legs and a striped ref's shirt tied under her bulging breasts to proudly display her still taut abs.

Round One: Julie is dancing smartly and connects with a solid combination to Rachel's jaw. Hunter moves back for an instant but then slams Julie with what should have been a 'haymaker' right to Downtown's head. Julie's head swivels sideways and sweat flies but she maintains her balance as her legs totter. "That your best shot there big wuss?" chides Julie as she clobbers Rachel viciously with piledriver shots to the big blonde's midsection. Hunter winces in pain as Julie laughs. The bell sounds as Julie points to Rachel in derision and taunts, "Took your best shot and I'm still here!" as Hunter slowly trudges painfully back to her corner.

Round Two: Julie is proving to be an extremely elusive target for the taller women. Rachel is throwing heavy blows which hit nothing as Julie counter-punches her and delivers punishment for each and every missed shot. Julie teases the frustrated Rachel with, "You wanna quit now big Doofus #2?" Rachel is enraged and charges at Julie with a murderous combination - but one which again misses, leaving Rachel wide open for Julie's patented left/right to the jaw which staggers her. Rachel's eyes glaze over as she stumbles way, flipping her limp gloves at a phantom target. 'Downtown' is glorying in this, deciding when she will officially 'do in' Rachel Hunter. The blonde knows she's stepped in with a 'stone killer' and also realizes she will get no mercy.

"Prepare to join the others," chortles Julie as she hammers a beaten Rachel around now swelled and closing eyes.

Rachel Hunter falls to 'Boxing Dominatrix' Downtown Julie Brown as she is walloped with the same great overhand right Julie has claimed so many others with.

Julie hears Rachel gasp, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh…you win…" as she drops to her knees at Julie's feet, then topples over unconscious, sprawled with her left arm flung out above her head.

Julie can't resist temptation and kneels to strip off Rachel's leopard skin bottom, using it to bind her ankles before dragging her bare ass around the ring for all to see. As Julie drags Rachel, an improvised version of the late/great Jim Croce's "Big Bad LeRoy Brown" plays over the loudspeakers; but now the new lyrics are, "Big Bad Julie Brown" and they fit perfectly here in the 'Windy city.' Julie continues her trip to California the next morning. While in the hotel dining room at breakfast she spots the swollen face belonging to Rachel Hunter. Julie laughs and points threatening at Rachel as she leaves for her airport limo.
Bout One: 'Downtown' Julie Brown vs. Darryl Hannah

After a solid victory in Chicago over Rachel Hunter, Julie Brown was comfortably ensconced in her seat on American Airlines flight #1225 bound for Los Angeles from Chicago. She had begun checking out a 'fight' magazine when she felt a pair of eyes on her. Across from her in the aisle was Daryl Hannah grinning at Julie.

“Heard you really cleaned Rachel's clock back in town Julie,” said Daryl. “Congratulations!”

Daryl extended her hand in a friendly gesture. Julie shook it but didn't trust Daryl's continual 'cat ate the canary' look. Daryl then continued. “I've been following your ring trail there ‘Downtown’.”

“You clock out lots of deficient opponents like Kim Cattrall, Diane Lane, Liz Hurley and Jilian Barberie. None of them can really fight but then, I say YOU can't fight either! Word is you're going to Linda Kozlowski's kickbox camp to avenge what Kim did to you in that firehouse. Tell you what though, I can kick your ass in the ring and once I do it, you'll be all set to hang up those gloves and let the younger tougher ones take over. Deal?"

Julie was flabbergasted for sure. “You could say it's a DONE DEAL there Hannah and once we get into LA we'll set up the bout.”

Daryl once again extended her hand to shake on the agreement. Once again Julie accepted the gesture and grinned right back at her. Two smiling faces but each having contemptuous eyes. Both gals got on their cell phones before take off and arranged for their 'trainers' to meet them in Los Angeles.

One week later it's fight night at the L.A. forum. Julie whips off her robe to show that fabulous purple thong outfit. Daryl has those long voluptuous legs in a green and white thong outfit. As usual in Julie's fights, Elke Sommer is the referee.

Round One: Daryl connects with brutal left jabs to Julie's face. Julie's head snaps back hard as she is belted repeatedly by the tall blonde. Daryl is enjoying this immensely and jackhammers Julie Brown with a right that smashes the Downtown girl on her ass. The place is going off it's rocker already. Julie is up and is hit again and again by a tirade of left hooks and jabs. This blonde IS the best she has yet faced. Daryl is taking it to Julie in a big way and makes her statement in round one.

Between rounds Eartha Kitt bawls Julie out for being an easy target for the long armed Daryl, “What the hell happened to the game plan you dope?”

Eartha is steamed and she slaps Julie hard, snarling, “Get inside of those long arms. DO IT!”

Round Two: With fresh 'marching orders' Julie slides inside of Daryl's reach and delivers a blitzkrieg of body shots which double the blonde over. Hannah's face flushes red from the pain. Julie is invigorated from this and continues this assault. Daryl is backing up and Julie fires her patented left/right combo to Daryl's jaw and the big blonde stumbles on those long great legs and topples into the ropes right on her ass. Julie is coming back and wins this round.

Round Three: Hannah is smacked by Sue Anne Langdon for losing round two and decides to 'slug it out' in the middle of the ring with Julie. 'Downtown' slips Daryl's big left and delivers a monster right cross to the leggy blondes exposed jaw. It connects and Daryl once again stumbles back and her eyes are glazed. She is ready to go.

“No Downtown No I was only kidding on the plane. You're the best...please NO! Ugh!”

Daryl is mowed down by Julie's flashing left hook. It's a classic blow and is featured on the front page of the LA Times the next day, showing Hannah going down as Daryl's long legs crumble in defeat to the Tawny hued 'Downtown' with Daryl stretched out cold on her stomach with her long right arm extended over her head.

Julie wastes NO TIME is dragging Daryl's lanky body around the ring several times. This victory has been sweet for Julie and is a nice prelude to her trip to Linda's K's kickbox academy.
Bout Two: Brandy Norwood vs. Hilary Duff by Jack Fac

Hilary Duff was standing by the ring looking wistfully through the ropes at her fallen idol Daryl Hannah. 'Downtown' Julie Brown had claimed yet another victim with her superior boxing skills. Daryl was laying face down on the canvas with both eyes bloused shut and a completely swollen puss as evidence of 'Downtown's thunder. In the ring Julie Brown continued to prance around and jabber with her loyal fans who were congratulating her with 'high fives'.

Hilary was building up some resentment over this. She had grown tired of Julie's continued successes in the ring over the likes of Kim Cattrall, Diane Lane, Liz Hurley, Lucy Lawless and Reba McIntire. On the other hand it was irrefutable that the 'Downtown gal' had what it took. She was a WINNER! Hilary jumped into the ring to minister smelling salts to the naked and unconscious Daryl whose body had been dragged around by Julie for several minutes.

Suddenly Julie spotted this young blonde with the small bottle of 'waker upper' and darted over to her.

"What the hell you doing there blondie? Don't go near her you understand?"

"Catch you near her again I'll waste you little dumb ass and you'll be next to her! GET OUT!"

Hilary was defiant, "Piss on you Julie. It's TIME somebody stood up to you."

Julie could only throw back her head and laugh, "Tell you what you little snuffy. My 'tigress ' over there, Brandy, would love to slam your ass around this ring right now, wouldn't you Brandy?"

"Oh yeah!" said the advancing Brandy Norwood. "Rip those gloves off that loser over there and put 'em on Blondie; so I can kick your ass."

Hilary complied. Julie grabbed the mike to the still almost full house and told folks to take a seat for a second fight, "This one won't last long though," she advised everyone. Julie is the ref.

Round One- Norwood slams Hilary's face hard with vicious jabs but Duff sails inside and clobbers Brandy's body with even harder blows to her midsection. Brandy moans in pain. Hilary delivers a great right/left combo and Brandy FALLS. She's up at six but is hurt already. Hilary is showing great footwork and continues the inside assault. Brandy is staggered with a wicked overhand right from Duff. She is bailing out already.

"Fight that little worm!" implores Julie.

Hilary is measuring Brandy Norwood. She clocks the taller leggy singer with stiff left jabs and winds up with a haymaker right that finds Brandy's jaw dead center. Brandy Norwood's eyes are glazed as she can only totter backwards and fall in defeat to the tough teenager. She is laid out cold as Hilary steps on her chest with gloves raised high. Julie is astonished at this great performance by Hilary Duff.

"You are my NEW TIGRESS!" she tells Hilary who just brushes her off, a major diss to a hardcore fighter for sure.

"One of these days old lady you'll be the one laying there instead of that wuss! Plan on it!" says Hilary as she discards one glove and throws the other one in Julie's face.

She is cheered by the mob and carried off on their shoulders just as Daryl Hannah starts coming to from the beating Julie gave her.
Hilary Duff vs. Kelly LeBrock

'Downtown' Julie Brown had taken her sparring mate, Kelly LeBrock, out to dinner in a trendy L.A. restaurant and was now embarking on issuing some 'marching orders' to her ringmate, "You saw what happened to Brandy Norwood didn't you my 'Woman in red' girlfriend?"

"Yes I did," replied Kelly, referring to Hilary's performance in the aftermath of 'Downtown' Brown's beatdown of Daryl Hannah. "That Duff kid wiped Brandy right out of the ring didn't she?"

Julie's temper flared, "Damn it LeBrock! I invested months in developing that stupid wuss and this is how it turns out! You want to avoid ending up like Brandy you'll go get a fight with Duff and teach that girl a lesson! CLEAR?"

Julie grabbed Kelly by her blouse and jerked her up from the table, then growled, "IS that clear Kelly?"

Kelly was intimidated to say the least. Anything other than an affirmative meant she might be laid out cold next to the table. Suddenly Hilary Duff appeared from the shadows in the bar and said, "Yeah got the message ya big old windbag?" Hilary shoved Kelly rudely as she passed the table. "Let's make it next week there you old washed up ol' Melanie Griffith-beating non event."

Now Kelly was enraged and Julie liked that very much.

"Well then, it's a done deal isn't it? Best you win too, I don't do losers!"

Saturday night the LA Forum is filled with a huge crowd. This has become a tough ticket and billed as a 'grudge match' of sorts. Hilary has been calling 'Downtown' a coward sending an older gal in to fight what should be her fight. Many agree!

With Elke Sommer reffing the fight is ready to being. Kelly gets lots of wows with her red panties and high heels. Hilary is in a black bikini with Lindsay Lohan (Kelly's beaten victim from a former fight) in her corner.

Round One: Hilary feints a left jab and fires a bulls-eye right into Kelly's midriff. The bigger woman doubles up in pain and Hilary just smirks as she delivers a follow up volley to LeBrock's gut. Hilary can really hammer. Kelly connects with her patented 'Melanie killer' right. This slams Hilary back into the ropes. Kelly rakes Hilary with a big left hook that brings the young blonde teenager down. She is on her knees with glazed eyes. Hilary is back up at 7 with the place rocking and rolling. They slug it out in the middle of the ring as Hilary whales Kelly with an overhand right that sends rivulets of sweat off of LeBrock's head as it swivels sideways. The round is almost even with an edge to Kelly.

Between rounds Julie is blasting into Kelly's ear about forcing the fight, "Finish her fast dammit! Get it DONE!"

Round Two: Kelly's right is evaded by Duff as she bores into LeBrock's midsection once more. As Kelly bends Hilary jackhammers her face with a brutal combination. Kelly's eyes are closing from the force of those shots. Hilary is now 'boxing' and not slugging. Duff's quick footwork is too much for LeBrock to keep up with. Kelly is faked out of those red panties by a Hilary fake and pays with a left hook finding her eye again. Hilary then comes in with a lethal right cross to Kelly's jaw. The big redhead is stumbling; her long beautiful legs like jelly as Hilary Duff blasts her to the canvas. LeBrock falls face down in front of the ecstatic duo of Tippi Hedren and Melanie Griffith who high-five and laugh out loud as Elke Sommer counts Kelly LeBrock out.

The 17 year old ingenue has beaten a 45 year old veteran and nobody feels the loss more than 'Downtown' Julie Brown. Over Julie's shrieks and howls of protest, Hilary rips off Kelly's red panties, wraps them around Kelly LeBrock's ankles and then does Julie's trademark 'victory drag' with Lindsay Lohan following behind leading the applause.

The kids have won the night and everyone there knows it! Julie is plotting vengeance as, once again, Hilary rips off a boxing glove and throws it in Julie's face in a, ‘Come and get me’ gesture.
'Downtown' Julie Brown vs. Jill Hennessy

'Downtown' Julie Brown was in a lather after she witnessed her 'prize bull sparring partner' Kelly LeBrock fall to ingenue Hilary Duff. Now she sat in the hotel lobby having breakfast in preparation for heading to Linda Kozlowski's kick-boxing camp. She hadn't ordered yet when Jill Hennessy ("Crossing Jordan") appeared at her table. Jill extended her hand to introduce herself.

"Haven't had the pleasure Julie, mind if I join you briefly?"

"Yeah, OK, but make it brief there preppy broad," shot back Julie.

"Hey NO WAY to talk to you NEW BOSS" said Jill.

"What did you just say?" exclaimed Julie, her eyes flaring as she began to rise angrily.

Jill arrested her with a firm commanding grip of her wrist, "Look Julie I'm offering you an announcing job with my new satellite company and I'll triple your salary and give you a new car and large expense account. You'll be a senior VP of the firm."

Julie needed a better business head and instead took offense, "Don't try patronizing me there hotshot. Ain't no way I report to you. Now get the hell away from my table before I starch your preppy ass!"

Just then, Kelly LeBrock arrived and 'Downtown' pointed to Jill and growled, "Escort this dimwit out the door will you, Kelly!" Julie phrased it as an order, not a request. Kelly reached for Jill's elbow but all she got was smashed with a brutal left hook in the gut that doubled her over.

"Now," continued Jill. "Wwe can do this nice or we can be stupid like you're starting off," she said as she grabbed 'Downtown' by the arm, yanked her out of her seat and pulled her into a waiting limo. Half an hour later they arrived at Jill's palatial estate in Laguna Niguel overlooking the Pacific.

Jill impressed upon Julie just how successful she could really be as they viewed the water. Then they adjourned downstairs to a gym replete with a boxing ring. Jill whistled and out popped Hilary Duff smiling and bearing two sets of gloves.

"Oh I get it," said Julie grinning. "I gotta beat blondie's ass here."

"No Julie, it's MINE you've got to beat. Once you lose, then you sign a lifetime contract."

"DEAL!" laughed Julie. "Since YOU'RE the one who's bound to go down."

Hilary must smirked as she watched Jill and Julie touch gloves. Julie came out throwing her vaunted left-right combo, but Jill easily sidestepped that and floored Julie with a withering left hook the likes of which Julie had never experienced.

"Ready to sign now Julie?" Jill coldly inquired.

"NOPE!" said Julie who then got hammered senseless by Jill's lethal overhand right. Julie went face down on the canvas, her ass hardly covered by her famous purple thong.

"Pick her up and hang her over the ropes," Jill told Hilary. "But first, strip her naked!"

After Hilary stripped Julie, she took several pictures of her unconscious body draped over the ropes with Jill standing next to her. Then they positioned Julie sitting on a corner stool with her legs spread with Jill standing next to her smiling and pointing dramatically at Julie's thick, lush bush. With Julie still out cold, Hilary had to wave smelling salts under Julie's nose to bring her to. Then Jill placed the contract in front of Julie.

"Ready NOW Julie?"

"Oh yes Ma'am, I am," replied Julie Brown whose career in the ring had been mainly successful until now.

Now, Jill Hennessy had come into the picture and turned Julie's life upside down. But for Julie, being 'second best' to Jill may prove not only very lucrative but also could keep Julie much healthier. Julie's association with Hilary Duff, however, might prove more difficult because now Hilary was her boss as well!
Salma Hayek vs. Annette Bening

Scene is Gold’s Gym in downtown LA, the setting for this week's Friday Night Fight. A crowd of ‘A-List’ celebrities is in attendance including Mitzi Gaynor and Susan Sarandon, Melanie Griffith and Lynda Carter. Charlize Theron is there with girlfriend Sunny McKay as are Catherine ‘Cat’ Bell, Jennifer ‘J-Lo’ Lopez, Ashley Judd with mom Naomi as well as Michael Douglas and wife Catherine Zeta-Jones. Most have shown up as guests of Bening’s husband Warren Beatty to watch Beatty’s wife Annette Bening take on Salma ‘Latina Heat’ Hayek.

Salma is a vision of sexy loveliness in a tiny black bikini while Bening isn’t showing her age a bit in a little white thong. Both women are in strappy heels and, in a surprise by Beatty, the referee is Bening’s sister-in-law, Shirley MacLaine!

Round One: Hayek initiates the action with a flurry of inside body shots. Bening, though the older combatant, connects with a solid shot to Salma's jaw and sends the dark gal stumbling backwards. Annette taunts Hayek and lures her into charging as Bening rifles several more hurtful blows to Salma's face. 'Psyching' is a big part of Annette Bening's arsenal here. She hits Salma continually with skillful jabs and raises welts on the Latina actress's face. Salma Hayek is frustrated in this round and loses it.

Round TWO: Annette is smirking as she continues dancing away from Salma and counterpunches brilliantly as Hayek swings mightily and finds nothing but air. As Salma flings a left hook Annette dodges it and comes over with a right that floors the dark-haired actress. Salma climbs back up at six. MacLaine, the ref, gives her a solid shove back into the middle of the ring. It's here that Salma's hard right does slam hard and true into Annette's jaw and down goes Bening on her ass as her legs fly up on landing from the force of this shot. The bell sounds with the round even.

Round THREe: Bening is hurting still from that knockdown and it's now that Hayek presses this advantage. She bores inside of Annette’s defenses and clobbers her harshly with brutal body shots and a massive uppercut that has Bening glassy eyed and confused. Annette stumbles on her long legs to the middle of the ring where Salma has her gal ‘measured’ for the onslaught of hammer blows which are landing like clockwork to Annette’s jaw. Bening is literally out on her feet as the crowd is on thier feet watching Salma Hayek wipe her out with unanswered punches.

Shirley MacLaine yanks Salma away as Annette's long legs finally fold under her and she falls again - for the last time in the fight!

Salma is mobbed by frenzied fans who help her rip off Annette’s white thong which Salma tucks in the waist of her bikini for a souvenir. Beatty watches open-mouthed as his sister counts out his wife. Then covers his face as Annette is dragged around the ring bare-ass naked by a victorious Salma. Thus ends our first “old time Friday night fight”.
Victoria Principal vs. Markie Post

Markie and Victoria were having lunch and discussing Markie's latest contract for 'Night Court' the popular TV show of the 80's. Victoria was her agent and they were drifting into an argument over terms and conditions. Markie finally flared that 'Vickie' was ripping her off with her commissions on any royalties.

“That just isn't done” said Markie.

“It is with ME honey,” shot back Victoria. “I name the deal and you just sign. Got it?”

That did it for Markie! “Your ass is fired Victoria. You'll NEVER represent me again - ever! Now; YOU GOT IT?”

Victoria purred, “Why don't you and I settle this little matter next week before the actress/agent's dinner? Let's say a three rounder on behalf of the hospital?”

“You got it!” shot back Markie. “And guess whose ass will be in that hospital after the fight - not that it will much of a fight mind you!”

Victoria got up and dumped ice water all over Markie, snarling as she stormed out, “See you there ... loser!” Then just before she left the restaurant, she turned and added, “Oh, and pay the tab while you're at it!”

Victoria clucked on her way to the street.

Now it's time for the fight with all of Hollywood taking bets on it.

Jill St. John is the ref as she introduces the contestants. Victoria is in a blue string bikini while Markie shows off her terrific legs in a fabulous red thong. Naturally, both are wearing matching high heels.

Round one: Victoria is dancing on those good looking legs and flicking good left jabs to Markie's face. Her feints are working as she collects points in this round by continually beating Markie to the punch with good boxing. “By the time I get done with your ass Post you won't be reading any contracts for quite sometime” taunts Victoria who wins the first round easily.

Between rounds Markie is counseled by Sue Anne Langdon her coach. “She's out-pointing you with finesse moves and I told you in training she's fast but you're the harder puncher! Get inside of those jabs. DO IT!”

Round Two: Markie does work her way in and lands a real effective fluffy of body shots which make Vickie wince. Post is patient as she continues hammering Victoria Principal brutally with whirlwind lefts and rights to the mid-section. Victoria is backing up and it's then that Markie finds her opponent's jaw exposed and clobbers her with a jackhammer right. Principal FALLS hard on her ass as her legs shoot up high after she lands. Markie puts her hands on her hips and smirks down at Victoria who has a semi-fearful look now.

“Get up and take me if you can!” teases Markie as she dances back to her corner at the bell with her right hand held high in victory for round two.

Round Three: Principal is demoralized by the knockdown and the roar of the crowd as it sounds like almost all the assembled crowd is chanting, “Markie! Markie! Markie!” as Post stalks her.

“Ready to rewrite the contract Vickie?” says Markie.

“Oh yes....oh yes... “ replies the battered Principal.

“You're a chickenshit clown and a crap agent,” retorts Post. “A good agent would say NO WAY! Like I said, you're canned and NOW you're going down!”

With that Markie delivers numerous body shots to a flaccid-legged Principal's stumbling form. Victoria is finally done in by a Markie Post left-right combination to the jaw! Jill St. John pushes Markie back as Victoria FALLS forward on her knees and then gazes through glassy eyes up at her conqueror before she pitches face down on the canvas at Markie’s feet. Post dances with delight all around the ring, then she beings leaping up and down in victory.

After the match Victoria IS taken to the hospital for treatment of multiple contusions on her swollen battered face. She's so beaten up she’s unable to eat and has to miss the ceremony which follows the bout where Markie is feted heartily by the crowd of her supporters.
******** ‘Downtown’ Julie Brown vs. Eve Navarro

It started out as another competitive charity softball game between movie stars and the ‘Talking Heads’ as the anchors and TV crowd called themselves. Solid pitching ruled the day as Julia Roberts pitches were proving difficult for the 'heads' to solve. TV anchor Laurie Dhue was caught looking twice by Julia’s sharp bender while for the ‘Talking Heads’ it was Anna Benson, wife of NY Mets pitcher Kris Benson whose righty fastball blew away Linda Kozlowski among many others.

Gwyneth Paltrow was once again in left field for those foolish enough to challenge her ball hawking skills. Ann Curry of the Today show hammered a vicious liner to left center which Gwynnie hauled in on the dead run, leaving Curry to show disappointment as she pulled up in her tracks and peeled off the basepath with her head down. Out at shortstop was a 'ringer' for the actress crowd; Eve Navarro, the porn star stripper. Some of the 'Heads' objected to her playing but a coin toss decided she could stay.

‘Downtown’ Julie Brown walloped a sharp grounder between short and third which looked like a hit until Eve gloved it and came up throwing, nailing Julie by a step as the ball zipped wickedly into Kelly LeBrock's mitt. Julia continued firing confidently until she got one pitch up too high and Ann Curry connected once again, this time driving one well over the fence beyond Paltrow’s leaping attempt to rob her of a home run.

In the bottom of the ninth it was Eve Navarro at bat with one out and she clouted a hard liner right at 'Downtown' who speared the shot at her shoe tops, leaving Navarro cursing her bad luck - then cursing Julie herself.

"You lucky ho pig" snarled Eve.

"Best watch your mouth, you little slut!" shot back Julie. “Talk like that could get your ass beat bad." Then laughing very hard, Julie flipped the ball back to Anna Benson. Anna's next fastball was hammered deep to right center by Linda Kozlowski who could only watch helplessly as Ann Curry circled under it smiling and hauled it in for the final out. The 'heads' had won 1-0 and Ann not only caught the final out, but was the hitting star with her homer.

While Julia Roberts graciously congratulated Ann Curry who’d solved her best pitch, Eve Navarro was still stewing in the dugout and refused to come out to congratulate the winners.

"You need a lesson in sportsmanship," yelled Julie Brown, shaking her fist at the pouting Navarro.

"Yeah well YOU ain't the one to teach it to me, dumbass!" screamed Eve.

"Enough with you two!" interrupted Naomi Campbell. "If you two are so determined to fight, put the gloves on before dinner. Then we'll ALL know who’s the toughest. I'll even referee!"

Later that evening the fight was held at Naomi’s home in her private gym with both teams in attendance. The two women have agreed to fight topless and Eve looks gorgeous in a yellow string bikini while Julie is in her patented purple thong.

Round one: There is true bad blood between them as shown by Eve who is quick on her feet as she jacks Julie's face with two good left jabs early in the round. Julie fires a right which misses and then Eve scores again with another crisp left.

"Hey, you no good lady," taunts Eve as she bounces and jiggles sexily away leaving Julie fuming. "You got big rep for Nada baby!” Eve continues to tease. “You’re nothing but a big, soft, wuss!”

Julie remains silent except for loud grunts as she slams Eve viciously in the gut with a left-right combination, leaving the porn star breathless and hurting, unable to talk for several seconds.

"Say what there, SLUT?" says Julie. "If I knock you down, you fight me naked, OK?"

"Deal!” replies Eve when she catches her breath.

Eve surges forward and then floors Julie with a brutal left hook-right cross combination. As 'Downtown' Julie Brown lays dazed on her back, Naomi Campbell steps up and pulls Julie’s purple thong over her hips and ass, then drags it down her legs. Julie sheepishly gets back to her feet, her thick, dark pelt glistening with her sweat. They exchange hard shots at mid-ring until the bell, but it’s clear to everyone that Eve has triumphed in this first round.

Round TWo: The pounding resumes! Both women land often but Julie's shots are harder than Eve's and she begins to force Eve backward. Suddenly, Eve is clobbered with a jackhammer right to the jaw from Julie and goes sprawling on her butt. As she bounces on the canvas, her legs shoot up and before they can drop back down, Naomi catches her by the ankles and rolls her onto her shoulders, then off goes her string bottom! Naomi helps Eve to her feet, only now both fighters are in heels and topless! Julie resumes her attack, connecting to Eve's head, shooting it sideways as sweat flies whenever the great 'Downtown' Julie’ Brown’s left-right combinations finds the mark.

"Want to give up now porn lady?" teases Julie at they clinch on the ropes. "I gotcha ready to go!"

But Eve fights back and wallops Julie with a hard haymaker right to the jaw. Julie's legs buckle but she’s just taken the best shot Eve can throw and is still on her feet! Eve Navarro can’t believe what has happened! She’s put other porn stars out cold with this punch, but it couldn’t even take Julie off her feet. Her eyes widen as Eve is hit repeatedly by Julie's blasts which begin to swell Eve’s face horribly. Eve's arms are tired and her shots no longer can hurt Julie. She's a beaten fighter but Eve stubbornly stands in mid-ring trying to tough it out with the great 'Downtown'.

Like so many others before her, though, Eve Navarro is punished against the ropes and slowly crumples to lay face down in defeat on the canvas by 'Downtown's' final punches. Her legs buckle and quiver as she drops to her knees, then topples straight down.

Eve lays with her bare butt jiggling as Julie plants her foot on it and poses while both the talking heads and actresses accord Julie loud applause. Some of Julie's former (beaten) opponents are in the crowd, women like Kim Cattrall, Diane Lane and Liz Hurley. They lift Julie onto their shoulders and carry her to Naomi’s bedroom to worship her while Eve’s limp body is dragged away for some consolation by Julia Roberts and company.
‘Downtown’ Julie Brown vs. Jamie Lee Curtis

'Downtown' Julie Brown returned to work at Jill Hennessey Ltd. the television satellite firm where she had signed a contract as executive v.p. serving under her 'excellency' the c.e.o. Jill Hennessey. Actually Jill had clouted Julie into utter submission and draped Julie's body over the ropes and, after regaining consciousness, Julie had signed the employment contract Jill presented. As Julie entered her office there was a note on her desk with an immediate demand to 'SEE ME' immediately from Jill.

Julie went to Jill's large carpeted office and stood in front of Jill's desk literally at attention. Jill's eyes did not leave the paper she was reading when she icily said, "I understand you beat Eve Navarro recently in a boxing match".

"Yes!" exclaimed Julie exultantly. "I nailed her ass good and proper that little slut."

At this point Jill got up from her chair and was clad in a blue bikini bottom and white top. She approached Julie.

"So you nailed her ass did you? Why?”

"Because, Boss…." started Julie. “She insulted me in that baseball game. I caught her liner to win it too."

Now it was Jill's turn. "You don't get it do you Brown?"

"Get what Boss?"

"You don't fight anybody unless I sanction it," replied Jill as she slammed Julie's gut with her right fist. Julie groaned and sank to one knee. "You violate this contract again I'll lay you low like you've never known Downtown. Get IT?"

"Yes Boss…I got it," grunted Julie as she got up and started to leave.

"Before you go and get your assignment today Julie you might as well know; I have investors who are interested in how well you can fight.”

"You do?" asked Julie.

"Right, I do. And tonight you're fighting Jamie Lee Curtis who is my top sparring captain. She's tough nuts and I’m not sure you're up to dealing with the likes of her. She's not a candy-ass like Kim Cattrall or Diane Lane or even Reba McEntire; all those rummies you batted around. Jamie Lee’s hard core and I’m not sure you’re up to the job."

“No, I mean, yes I am Boss…I am," came back 'Downtown's’ reply.

"Then get your ass in my ampitheater ring tonight and prove it!" said Jill. "You lose and your ass is mine. All the smart money says you’ll lose and I don't invest in losers! Got that?"

"Yes Boss, yes," remarked Julie. "I'll take her.”

It's now night time and time for the fight. Entering the ring first is the referee for tonight, Sarah Michelle Gellar.

ROUND ONE: Jamie Lee is in her 'True Lies' black panties and heels and clobbers Julie with her solid left jabs. Repeatedly she connects and feints Julie badly as her blows begin raising welts under Julie's eyes.

"You're Meat!" laughs Jamie Lee Curtis as she slugs Julie hard with a right cross to the jaw that floors the purple thonged gal. Julie is getting hammered early and Jamie wins the round.

ROUND TWO: "Get in there and use those combos Downtown!" exhorts Jill. Julie reaches back for something extra as Jamie Lee continues beating her to the punch. Julie finally jackhammers Jamie with some inside shots that back Curtis up. Julie's left/right combo finds Jamie and now it's Jamie's turn to fall. Jill is leaning forward in her chair. Jamie is up but Julie now mounts her vaunted attack with a continual body assault that makes Curtis double up in agony.

"You're my meat NOW!" exclaims Julie as once again she puts Jamie Lee down in a heap. Curtis wobbles up and stumbles on those great legs but Julie has the range and a flurry of punches finishes off her quarry once and for all. Jamie Lee collapses on rubbery legs and topples over face down as Jill leaps in and counts her out.

"You just made me $100,000 with that little show!" she tells Julie. "Go take a shower and get ready for dinner, I’m taking you out to celebrate."

"Yes Boss, yes,” says Julie.

Jill snaps her fingers and Hilary Duff comes in and drags Jamie Lee's body out of the ring. Julie Brown has become Jill’s new sparring captain and, for now, she's riding high!