Match #1: Yasmine Bleeth vs. Toni Braxton by JackFac

It all started as a 'charity swim event' at a local L.A. club but soon escalated into raw feelings of frustration for Toni Braxton after she’d been bested in a two lap contest by Yasmine Bleeth. Yasmine had too much mustard at the turn and Toni couldn't overtake her in the final ten yards of the race. The place was packed so Toni’s public defeat really stung her ego.

"Get ya next time ya coke sniffing stiff," snarled the soundly beaten Braxton.

"Oh, really?" trilled Yasmine. "Think you stand ANY sort of chance after that puny performance?”

"Listen you punk bitch," continued Braxton. "I'll nail your sorry ass right here same as those other floozies, Denise Richards and Eva Longoria," Toni said, referring to her boxing victories over those gals. "Now THERE is where your ass really gets jacked!" she boasted unabashedly.

"Oh, I doubt it," sneered the cocky Bleeth.

"Let's have at it next month if you’re so damn sure," continued Toni. "We'll make that a charity event too! Thing is, they'll be burying your dumb ass after I toast you!” Toni roared with laughter at her own joke.

Fight night at the LA forum and Toni comes out in a white robe that she slowly peels away to reveal her stunning figure in a black thong, stockings and lace top. Yasmine is stunning in a similar red outfit. Both in heels and Elke Sommer as the ref.

Round one- Yasmine surprises Toni with her solid footwork as she hammers the singer with a steady tattoo of vicious jabs to the face. She's a tough target and twice Yaz beats Braxton to the punch while Toni fires blanks, swings that hit only empty air! Yasmine continues with rapid-fire left hooks that put a hurting on Toni’s body as she doubles Braxton up with a barrage of body shots.

When the bell rings, Braxton staggers back to her corner where Eartha Kitt reads her the riot act! "Either you get your ass to punching that bitch or I'm pulling you outta there girl; you got that?”

"Yes ma'am," replies Toni.

Round two - Braxton smokes Yasmine with an overhand right to the chin which drives her back and buckles her knees. Then Toni swarms in to maintain her sudden advantage; pounding Yasmine over and over with solid shots to her midsection. They go to the center of the ring where they trade head shots but Toni’s are the heavier blows and she DROPS Yasmine with a left-right combo that puts the bouncy Baywatch Babe on her butt! Yasmine is game if nothing else and she rolls over on her hands and knees, then gets back up, firing with both fists again. She clobbers Toni with a devastating left hook AND TONI GOES DOWN! Yasmine raises her gloves over her head as she steps over Toni and turns to bask in the sight of her opponent sprawled on her butt. The place is rocking and rolling but Toni struggles back to her feet and the two women jackhammer each other mercilessly with all they've got until Elke pries them apart at the bell. Both declare victory in this round which is scored evenly.

Eartha Kitt isn't happy with Toni, telling her, "I TOLD you to get the damned job done didn't I?” She slaps Toni hard and yells, "Fight damn you; fight! You're a damned wuss if you can’t beat this little trollop!"

Round three - They touch gloves and Yasmine slams Toni with a right to Braxton's left eye. Toni's eyes are swelling badly now and she needs to get it done here. Braxton wades in and 'goes for broke' firing every punch she can deliver. Yasmine is dodging most and, once again, floors Toni with a phenomenal left hook. Braxton staggers to her feet and takes an eight count. She looks beaten but there's no quit in this singer and she counters Yasmine's big hit with one of her own to Bleeth's jaw. Down goes Yasmine who’s tasting canvas for the second time! Bleeth beats the count but her eyes are closing as they stand toe to toe, ripping into one another. There is just a little more gas in Braxton's tank and when she nails Yasmine with a huge uppercut, the Baywatch beauty in red staggers on rubber legs as Toni moves in for the kill! Yasmine's eyes are black and blue and her body is going limp just as Toni wallops her for the last time….then drops her gloves and watches as her worthy adversary stumbles backward, then her legs buckle and and she drops to her knees before she pitches over and sprawls face down on the canvas with her arms at her sides and her quivering legs spread.

The joint has been treated to a fantastic battle of strong wills in which Toni Braxton has beaten Yasmine Bleeth with the best performance she’ll probably ever muster in a boxing ring. Toni knows the Baywatch star fought the good fight and doesn’t drag her around the ring as usual in these fights, instead she watches calmly while ref Elke Sommer brings Yasmine back to consciousness with smelling salts. The gals embrace in the ring as Yasmine acknowledges her defeat by lifting the singers gloves and then kneeling as a token of her submission at being bested. There could be a re-match but not very soon.

Afterward, while Yasmine soaks her bruised and battered body, Toni is feted by galpals ‘Downtown’ Julie Brown and Naomi Campbell at a nearby watering hole owned by Kim and Ginny.
Match #2: ‘Downtown’ Julie Brown vs. Jennifer Love Hewitt by Jack Fac

Julie Brown was just settling down at her desk at Jill Hennessey Satellite Assoc. when 'Boss Jill' arrived at her door accompanied by a new 'associate' . This was none other than Jennifer Love Hewitt who Jill had hired as 'executive assistant' with the potential of threatening Julie's spot as Sr. VP of Communications.

"Julie I'd like you to meet our new hire. Anything she needs in the way of assistance I'd appreciate your cooperation."

Julie was a trifle stunned. "What's her role here boss?”

"Let ME worry about her duties, OK?” shot back Hennessey.

"Well, I just thought I had this area pretty well covered is all," continued Julie.

At this point Jill advanced upon Julie's desk and yanked her forcefully out of her chair. "Listen to me and listen good, if I THINK things need changing or altering then it gets done! YOU GOT THAT MS. HIGH AND MIGHTY?"

"Y…yes B…boss, got it," stammered Julie as she watched Jennifer's eyes narrow and show some mirth. This angered Julie. "Now,” Jill went on. “We're going to have you entertain Jennifer at lunch, then tomorrow night the two of you will duel each other in a three rounder for my investors. There’s lots of money riding on you Julie and I’d hate to see you lose to a Waco, Texas tenderfoot like Jennifer.”

Julie was losing her temper and her pride and ego are bleeding all over the floor. "That's all, Julie, get to work now and finish up that damned contract I gave you about two weeks ago. Your ass is dragging with that project and I don't want to have to repeat myself!”

SLAM! Jill nailed Julie in the old breadbasket with her hard left hook and Julie crumpled in pain as Jill rudely shoved her back into her chair. "You're going soft on me Brown! Get with the program!"

"Yes ma'am," muttered Julie through her pain.

Lunch time rolls around and Julie has decided to take Jennifer to the 'Longhorn' grill to score some Texas brownie points. Hewitt was taking in the place and noticed the 'quick draw' game. Each contestant strapped on a holster with a colt 45 and 'drew down' on the other. The loser would plunge to the mattress in front of her/him.

"Hey Jules Baby let's you and me try on a hogleg.”

First of all," snarled Julie. "I'm not any ‘Jules Baby’ and, second, I'd hate to embarrass a Waco Whacko like you with my fast hands.”

"Don't you sweat it there old gal," continued Jennifer. "I'll shoot your old ass down as quick as look at you. You don't know WHO you're dealing with here! Gonna find out though ain't I?" came Julie's retort.

"Damned straight there sister. Now, let's get up there, we got an audience waiting on us," taunted Jennifer.

She was right. Many in the place had overheard this exchange and were starting to place bets as to who would beat who in the quick draw.

"Make mine a minute steak over there Bub," ordered Jennifer. "Ain't gonna take me but a second to nail this here hag." Julie became livid at this point and her composure was suffering. "Strap it on there ancient one!"

The mattresses were placed in front of each and the person calling the match dropped her hand as a signal to draw. Jennifer's lightening speed was simply incredible as she fired three blanks into Julie while Brown's pistol was just clearing her holster. Julie let the gun slowly drop from "nerveless" fingers, clasped hands to her breasts with a loud SLAP, then her knees buckled and she toppled slowly forward onto the mattress in defeat. A deafening roar went up and Jennifer was given a ton of 'high fives' but everyone could see from the dark cloud on her face that ‘Love’ had NOT appreciated Julie’s theatrics as she stole the limelight with her prolonged ‘death scene.’

"Told ya, ya old scout," sneered Jennifer. "Still wanna box me? I'm gonna waste your washed up ass in that ring so you can still pull out!" chuckled Jennifer as Julie was getting back on her feet.

"I'm gonna make you pay for this big time is all I'll say," replied Julie. "Lost my appetite and I got work to do. I'm outta here." Julie left amid catcalls and booing, making Jennifer the STAR in the eyes of everyone.

Now it's fight night and Julie parades out in her purple thong and Jennifer is chic in a white string bikini.

"Good luck old broad, I promise not to hurt you too bad," Jennifer says with haughty indifference to her older opponent.

"Shut up and get fighting," commands Jill who is the ref for the bout.

Round One - Hewitt is first off the mark with a series of solid jabs which hurt Julie. 'Downtown' has underestimated this younger woman's power and quite badly. Jennifer Love connects solidly with Julie's chin and staggers the older gal. She delivers a volley of body shots which drive Julie back towards her corner. "Chickenshit old Bimbo is what you are!" laughs Jennifer. At this moment she is piling up points with the judges who award her the round hands down.

Round two - Eartha Kitt is imploring Julie to attack. Julie throws her left-right combo but Hewitt is simply too fast for her and Jennifer again scores with those hard vicious body shots and Julie is wilting badly. "You're washed up now so admit it!" chides Jennifer. At this point Julie nails Jennifer with a good left that hurts the young star. She moves back to escape a follow up shot and the older gal pursues her and hits Jennifer again. This time Hewitt SPRAWLS on her ass. The tide is starting to turn for Julie Brown as her 'champions heart' is coming to the forefront. She wins this round and her confidence is back. This is dangerous for Jennifer Love.

Round Three - They touch gloves and the intense dislike each has for the other comes out as they stand exchanging shots in the center of the ring. Hewitt is getting hit more often now and is staggered with Julie's patented left-right. 'Downtown' is roaring into action now as she jackhammers the Waco girl once more and DROPS JENNIFER with a great left hook. Jennifer Love is on 'queer street' from the blow, stumbling about disoriented. "I'm over here sweetie," chides Julie as she drives the Texan backward onto her ass once again. The cheering is deafening. The older woman has beaten the fledgling starlet just when it was looking like curtains for ‘Downtown’ Julie Brown. Jennifer lays stretched out face down on the canvas completely senseless while Jill counts her out, then raises Julie's hand.

"Drag her ass around if you want!" Jill tells Julie who is more than happy to do so.

Jennifer begs Julie not to humiliate her, but Julie isn’t in any mood to be merciful after the way Love had showed her up earlier. Julie peels down Hewitt's thong, putting her ass (and everything else) on display for all to see, then Julie enjoys es her time in the ring as she wraps Love’s thong around her ankles and gives her a well-earned 'drag around.' Afterward, the Texan's nude body is lifted into the air on the arms of several of Julie’s friends and ceremoniously carried from the ring to a restaurant where JLH is made the centerpiece at the table where Julie is feted at a lavish ‘victory banquet’ by Jill for Julie and the investors who are most impressed (both with the menu and the centerpiece!) Julie is promoted to Executive VP with a fat raise. Thanks to Jennifer, Julie has made Jill over $250,000 with the fight.
Match #3: (FLASHBACK) Karen Valentine vs. Loni Anderson by Jack Fac

It's the early 80's and ‘WKRP in Cincinnati’ is riding high in the television ratings. Loni Anderson has sauntered into an LA gym for a morning workout and, after donning her red thong, she heads out to the floor to pump some iron. Turns out she isn't the earliest arrival! Karen Valentine is already in the boxing ring with a trainer doing some shadow boxing and practicing jabs with Sue Anne Langdon as her instructor.

"Hey what's going on there, teach?” yells Anderson. "Looking to get your ass blown out by someone? You look like the perfect victim for just about anyone.”

Loni then proceeds to do some weightlifting and pushups. After a few minutes has elapsed Sue Anne is standing over her on the mat.

"There's a certain VICTIM, as you call her, ready and willing to do a little sparring if you're interested.”

"What? You've GOTTA be kidding!" laughs Loni. "That girl has a death wish for sure.”

“Well, OK, I'll tell her you wimped out then," is Sue Anne's retort as she begins to head back to the ring.

"WAIT A DAMNED MINUTE THERE MISSY!" screams Loni. "Nobody calls me a wimp! Gimme a pair of gloves and make it quick!"

Loni has taken the bait! Sue Anne serves as the ref and she waves both gals together to start this 'bout'.

Karen's footwork is outstanding as she scores a series of quick shots to Loni's face. Loni is stunned and attempts to return the favor but Karen slips all of her shots. As Loni lunges forward with this futile try Karen hammers her viciously to the mid-section and doubles Loni over.

"Unnnh!" mutters Loni as Karen slams her solidly to the jaw with a skillful left hook. Loni goes stumbling backwards and topples into the ropes.

"Nothing but lucky punches so far you fairy queen" she snarls at a stoical Valentine who is non-plussed by her blonde opponent. "Wanna break for water, Loni"? purrs Sue Anne.

"Sure," is Loni’s reply.

After a minute they're back at it with Karen gliding around on shapely legs which motor very smoothly. Karen continues her assault on Anderson's middle and Loni's arms are dropping in an effort to protect herself from this battering. It is ALL KAREN as she jackhammers the Minnesota beauty with more blows and fells her with a right cross. Loni is coming to the realization that she’s badly overmatched. She staggers to her feet with pride and ego the driving forces now and does make some contact with Karen's body but the blow is not that strong. Loni is too hurt to contend with this gal.

"I give Karen… I give, you got me…please Karen, no more!"

Karen isn't listening though as she fires an uppercut haymaker to Loni's jaw. At that moment, Loni's lover and main man from WKRP, Gary Sandy arrives in time to see his sweetie's legs fold under her as she pitches forward to her knees and then drops forward on her swollen face to the canvas.

"Damn! You wiped her out!" blurts out Gary to Karen.

"Yeah big boy, looks that way now doesn't it?” is her teasing reply. "You like Brunettes as much as beat-up blondes?" she continues.

"Oh I could be enticed,” says Gary. Loni continues to lay out cold and not moving.

"Give her some smelling salts in awhile won't you Sue Anne," says Karen. “Seems as though blondie there got beat in more than ONE DEPARTMENT today.”

Before leaving, the “Room 222” star yanks down Loni's red thong and writes on her left butt cheek "Boxing:" then on her right cheek, "F".
Match #4: Geena Davis vs. Sean Young by Jack Fac

Geena Davis was relaxing during the evening with Kelly LeBrock at an LA nightspot, enjoying a well-earned drink after a day's shooting of her new television series “Commander in Chief” starring Geena as President of the United States when who should saunter in but Melanie Griffith and Sean Young.

Kelly spotted her boxing 'vic' Melanie in a heartbeat and jumped out of her chair to confront her. "Told you to stay the hell out of here before didn't I?” snapped Kelly. "You have this major gift for getting on my damned nerves!"

Sean shoved Kelly away from Melanie and got up in her face. "She'll go where she damned well pleases! And who in hell made you BOSS anyway? “

“I’M HER BOSS!" laughed Kelly. "Everyone knows I crushed her dumb ass in the ring - not once but twice. Hell, I even knocked her ass OUT of the ring the second time," continued LeBrock.

The place fell silent as patrons picked up on their exchange and all heads turned to watch.

"Bet you can't knock ME out of the ring," huffed an indignant Sean.

At this Davis left her chair and stepped between LeBrock and Kelly. "Hell, I bet even I CAN!" she chimed in. "Kelly's had her share of fights but right now I'd like a crack at you."

"A crack is about all you'll get, Ms. Prez," shot back Sean. "You can try me if you want. I'll fight you anywhere and beat you too!" she boasted.

Geena grinned, knowing she’d succeeded in baiting Young. "OK swiftie, we’ll do it in Vegas next month," suggested Geena. "You train with that loser," she chuckled pointing to Melanie. “And I'll spar with her conqueror here. Sound good?”

"Sounds GREAT" to me!" exclaimed Sean. "I've got you dead in my sights!"

For the next month Geena got herself rounded into shape sparring with Kelly and Toni Braxton. Sean's regimen included training with George Foreman whom she hired for her training. Both women arrived in Vegas in great shape for the fight. On fight night the betting is heavy but the fight was called 'even money'. The ref for the bout was Jill St. John, a fan favorite who still looked spectacular in a black/white striped bikini.

Round One- Sean fires an opening right to Geena's jaw and scores as Davis head rocks sideways. Young capitalizes on this with a savage body attack and it's a shock to see her get off the mark this early. Susan Sarandon is in Geena's corner exhorting her gal pal to "move in and take charge." Young's legs are swift and she's proving a bit of a tough target for Davis’ long arms. The first round belongs to Sean Young and Geena is frustrated and flustered.

"Got to use that long jab of yours babe," says Sarandon, "Just where the hell is it? Get with it!"

Round two- Geena is beginning to fight now. Her jabs are accurate and snap back Sean's head. Young retaliates with another hard right to Geena's midsection but then the voluptuous 'chief executive' answers this shot with one of her own to Sean's exposed jaw. Young's head pivots harshly to the right after this blow and sweat flies everywhere. Her legs are teetering ever so slightly. Davis connects again and Young drops hard on her ass as her legs fly up in the air; dealt a dandy by Davis who is taking on the visage of a winning fighter.

"Lights out for your sorry ass next round there swiftie," needles Geena.

"Yeah? Well, we'll see about that!" counters Sean who knows she's been hammered hard.

Griffith advises her to slug it out in the third round, telling her, “Take it to that long body, it’s wide open!”

Round Three- The dislike each gal feels for the other is obvious. As they touch gloves, Young follows by hitting Geena with a sucker punch to the gut. Davis doubles up and is immediately jacked by Sean’s uppercut. Geena's long legs are rubbery but she stays up and finds herself in the center of the ring, walloping Young with a left-right combo that staggers Sean. The crowd is eating all this up and it's looks like anyone's fight. Both fighter's eyes are swollen but Geena's harder shots have taken the greater toll on Sean Young. Each 'greases' the other with more body blows but Sean's arms are tiring and she's bending with fatigue. Geena has more stamina and she slams Sean hard with a right to the jaw. Sean, once again, goes jelly-legged and her eyes glaze over as she reels completely vulnerable in center ring. THAT’S when Geena Davis clobbers Sean Young with, ‘THE SHOT HEARD ROUND THE WORLD’ - a left hook almost from below her knees that finds Sean's jaw! Young's body snaps violently backward as she leans into the ropes as she’s catapulted CLEAR OUT OF THE RING!

Sean’s senseless figure lands in the first row where it is retrieved by Donna Summer, Tina Turner and Cybil Shepherd who are in attendance. Geena has beaten Sean and orders the trio to, "Get her back into the ring!" They comply and Geena wickedly whips off Sean's blue bikini panties and ties Sean's wrists, then drags the wiped out actresss all around the ring to thunderous applauses. It's been a wild fight but Geena has prevailed. She then takes a bucket of water and throws it on Sean who groggily comes to. Young can only look up in defeat at a smiling defiant Geena Davis whose gloved hands are on her hips.

"Want more hotshot"? taunts Geena.

"No you got me, you win Geena…I’ve had enough!’ pouts Sean as she pushes herself up and generously raises Geena's arm.
Match #5: ‘Downtown’ Julie Brown vs. Charisma Carpenter by Jack Fac

'Downtown' Julie Brown was still high after her taking down Jennifer Love Hewitt. Julie's confidence had peaked in a big way and her 'boss' Jill Hennessey had rewarded Julie with a fat salary increase and a promotion to Senior Executive V.P. at Hennessey Assoc. Julie ran all the broadcasting. 'Downtown's ' honcho arrived at Julie's office but this time with Charisma Carpenter in tow.

"Julie I want you to take care of this special gal for me," said Jill referring to Charisma. Julie proferred her hand but Charisma suddenly shoved her harshly back into her chair. Both Carpenter and Hennessey laughed at this little Halloween 'trick' they'd caught Julie in. "You're gonna fight this gal next week," Jill told Julie. "That th ONLY reason I bring any of these gals in your office and you should know that by now."

Julie knew better than to say a word. The last time she'd protested, Jill had slammed her brutally in the gut and Julie wanted no repeat of this. "You got it boss," she replied obediently.

"You got it boss," mocked Charisma.

Julie who began to fly into a small rage but checked herself. "Just for that Charismatic One I'm gonna kick your ass extra special" snarled Julie.

Charisma laughed and said she, "…couldn't wait for this so called big beating.”

It's now fight night in the company's large theater and closed circuit television is provided for subscribers. About fifteen thousand folks are on hand including Julie's fans like Naomi Campbell and Lola Falana. Introductions are made and Charisma slips off her robe to reveal she's in a lavender string bikini with white dots. Julie's purple thong and her great body is a match for Charisma's. The referee is Elke Sommer who has counted out many an opponent of Julie's. The current one looks tougher than most to her.

Round ONe - Charisma's legs are in splendid shape and her footwork is excellent as she jabs Julie solidly in the face with a very quick left. Julie has not seen so quick a left jab from anyone else like this one. Carpenter continues with the jab and suddenly hammers Julie's gut with a hard left hook that drives Julie back. Charisma slams the off balance 'Downtown' to the canvas with a devastating right cross that sends the crowd roaring. Julie is up but somewhat glassy eyed and Charisma maintains her advantage and swarms all over 'Downtown' with a continual assault that sends Julie staggering to her corner at the bell. Eartha Kitt is exasperated with this performance by Julie and levels her with "you better get fighting here or I'm throwing in the towel on your lazy ass". "That gal is busting you up real bad".

Round TWO - Julie slips Charisma's flurry of shots and finally gets in a nasty left/right combo that wakes the crowd up. She wallops Charisma hard in the mid-section and bends the actress over in pain. As Carpenter bends her jaw is jackhammered by Julie's patented right uppercut. Charisma's head goes back as sweat flies and Julie mounts a volley of shots to her gut that have the big brunette backing up. The crowd is sensing another great 'Downtown' comeback. Charisma and Julie go to center ring and hammer each other with head shots. Julie's are having greater effect suddenly. Carpenter's arms are becoming a tad weary and her legs are a bit rubbery as Julie connects with a perfect right cross to her jaw. This time Carpenter FALLS hard on her ass. The theater is rocking and rolling now. "Julie Julie" chants the crowd as the bell sounds and Charisma is staggering back to her corner this time. Julie is catching fire now.

Round Three - The two touch gloves and 'Downtown' Julie Brown is taunting Charisma Carpenter who is suddenly bewildered. "C'mon there hotshot " teases Julie. "Running out of gas are we?" she goes on. Charisma decides to 'go for broke' and fires a roundhouse right which Julie slips with ease. Julie again works Charisma's body with her great left/right combo. Carpenter stumbles away with glassy eyes.

"I can't beat you Downtown,” Charisma gasps. “It's your fight; you win."

Julie is lapping this up with gusto now as she punishes the helpless Charisma Carpenter big time. Julie's right sends Charisma's limp body sailing into the ropes. Charisma bounces off the ropes and falls forward with great force. Her face is badly swollen and both eyes are battered shut. Julie didn't like the idea of the lavender string bikini since it was close to matching her purple thong. She strips that from Carpenter’s battered body, then gives her a victory drag with Charisma's beaten ass bared for all to see. Jill has again made a 'Killing' with her investors since they had Charisma the favorite.

"I'm just NOT the gal to bet against, am I boss?" Julie gushes to Jill.

"For now you're not, but just remember who signs your checks and can beat your ass anytime she wants," replies the haughty Jill Hennessey.

How long will this humiliation continue for the proud and defiant 'Downtown' Julie Brown?