It began with the two of them having dinner one night in New York City at a steakhouse. Up on the walls were many snapshots of Julie's boxing victories and they were sitting directly underneath a photo of Lucy Lawless's legs buckling following a brutal Julie uppercut as the 'Warrior Princess' was in the process of being KO'd by the purple-thonged victor. Naomi pointed to that picture and bluntly announced that is what would happen to Julie if they squared off.
"No way!" said Julie. "You've let yourself get soft and you're rusty as all get-out to boot."
"Why don't we just see?" shot back Naomi. "I've been planning on knocking your ass out for some time. Just had to be the right time. You just did that loser Charisma Carpenter; I hope you don't think I'm in HER category do you?"
"Actually, I think you belt out tons of floozies, Naomi. People like Josie Maran, Beckinsale and Beckham, Vendela and that novice Peta Wilson. But they don't match up with the ones I'VE nailed."
Naomi was glowering. "You're challenged right here and now and don't wait to get that bitch boss Hennessey to OK it either because if you duck me I'll know you're chickenshit."
Julie was prepared with an answer right then and there, "Actually, Naomi, Jill has been hoping you'd spring for a fight. Let's get it on at Madison Square Garden next month. What say?"
"Done!" replied Naomi. "I'll pick up this check as the loser buys dinner next month. Treasure this meal 'Downtown' cause it's definitely the LAST ONE I'll ever buy you!”
"Sure about that are you?" smiled Julie defiantly.
"Yes I am," returned Naomi as she got up and left the restaurant.
Now fight night has arrived and NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg is ring announcer for, “This very special night in New York boxing history!" Celebrity boxing legend Mary Tyler Moore had been prevailed upon to be the referee.
Julie is first into the ring and she whips off that purple robe to reveal her powerful legs and a tight body bedecked in her trademark purple thong. She’s trained hard under Eartha Kitt while Naomi has Tina Turner working in her corner. Like Julie, Naomi has been working 24/7 in preparation for the fight. Both are warmed up, their bodies glistening with sweat.
Round One - Julie stays out of Naomi's superior reach with that long left jab and proceeds to circle her. Naomi attempts a straight right but Julie slips it and bores in viciously with a vaunted body attack which has Naomi grunting already. 'Downtown' fires a nasty flurry of scoring shots to the runway model's mid-section which doubles Naomi up in severe pain. Julie dances away quickly as Naomi fires a grazing right to Julie's cheek which is only a glancing blow. Julie comes back inside with another foray of hard shots. As Naomi drops her gloves Julie connects with a phenomenal head shot that snaps the London born gal's head back. Naomi's long legs buckle wildly as they bell rings. Julie is looking top notch. The crowd is into this fight.
Before round two Tina Turner exhorts her fighter to 'box' Julie with long jabs and don't try head hunting. “Julie is no easy target,” she warns Naomi.
Round Two- Naomi snaps off some quick long left jabs which find Julie's cheek. Julie retaliates with a great right to Naomi's mid-section which is hurting. Again Naomi retreats. Julie is attacking ferociously now as she pursues the taller model and slams her with a left/right combo to the head. Naomi is reeling backwards and FALLS hard into the ropes as her legs crumble. Mary Tyler gives her a standing eight count as Naomi pushes hard to regain her feet. Naomi is truly hurt and the 'Killer instinct' in Julie Brown has come to the fore. "Eat this one Naomi" snarls Julie as she batters the taller gal with solid head shots in center ring. Naomi is disoriented as she marches on rubbery legs to the sound of the blessed bell at the end of round two. Julie has this round easily.
Round Three- Tina Turner has no advice for her apparent outclassed fighter. Julie delivers a massive left uppercut which, once again, buckle those long fabulous legs of Naomi Campbell who is taking the literal beating of her life. 'Downtown' Julie Brown wades in and punishes the model with a flurry of body shots as Campbell is crumpling with every blow. Naomi's arms are hanging at her sides as Mary Tyler Moore yanks Julie off of her and raises Julie's right arm in victory. Naomi is out on her feet and FALLS solidly on her ass unconscious; spread-eagled flat on her back with sightless eyes. Julie is leaping up and down in victory as the place is in pandemonium. Julie is the undisputed champion having taken Naomi's full measure and was NEVER threatened during the entire fight.
Postfight. Julie had someone apply smelling salts to her still pal Naomi. There was no 'victory drag' which Julie loves doing after most of her other fights. This win put a special stamp as to Julie's place in the celebrity boxing kingdom and established her among the elite. Now she must decide about challenging her 'boss' Jill Hennessey for the outright crown. This will take more doing.
********
Match #2: Lela Rochon vs. Shannen Doherty by Jack Fac
The scene is set for the fight. The backdrop is Shannen's continual 'dissing' of Lela at a watering hole in LA. Even after Lela beat Shannen in three pool matches the former ‘90210’ star couldn't stop her taunting and insults about Lela's acting ability - or lack thereof!
The LA Forum has a packed house and in Shannen's corner is Tori Spelling as her second while Lela has Valerie Bertinelli whom she’d beaten earlier in the month in a spirited match. When Lela flips off her robe she reveals her solid legs and a strong physique in the same brown bikini panties she’d worn in 'Waiting to Exhale'. For her part, Shannen has chosen a tiny black thong. Lela wins the oooh and aahh contest from the male audience hands down. The referee is venerable Sue Anne Langdon!
Round One - Doherty is confident from the outset and scores with a good body combination. Lela shakes this off though and returns the favor with a wicked shot to Shannen's midriff which sends the Memphis born gal backpedaling. 'You're gonna see plenty of those' snarls Lela through bared teeth as she then proceeds to snap Shannen's head back with a vicious left jab. More body shots follow as Shannen is already absorbing plenty of pain. Shannen regains her composure and delivers a jackhammer right cross straight to Lela's jaw that sends the L.A. born Rochon back on her heels.
“I can hit too you know,” says Shannen who wades in and connects with a great left-right body combo as Lela finds her opponent suddenly quite formidable. Doherty brawls with Lela as they exchange punches in the middle of the ring. The dislike is truly intense. The bell rings and Langdon has to pull them apart. The first round is scored even.
Round Two - Caution is thrown to the winds by both fighters. Lela is back slamming Shannen with more body shots as Doherty again is hurting from those shots. Shannen drops her arms to protect that body and Lela immediately fires a wicked jaw shot which drives Shannen against the ropes. Lela hammers the beleaguered Doherty with unanswered combinations and Langdon forces Shannen to take a standing 8 count. Doherty protests but all in vain. Lela is smiling broadly at the crestfallen Shannen. Back to the middle of the ring they go; Lela giving better than she's getting. Suddenly, Lela floors Doherty with a left hook taught to her by Lola Falana who, years earlier, wiped out Joey Heatherton with that same punch! Doherty lands hard on her ass as her legs shoot up and splay out in a wide ‘V”. Pride alone brings Shannen back to her feet as this shot has taken a huge toll on her stamina and ego.
“Hey, tough Irish girl,” taunts Lela. “You're a non-event with me.”
The bell rings with Lela throwing her arms up in the air as she struts to her corner. Tori Spelling is begging Shannen to counterpunch and stop trying to trade punches with the stronger/faster Rochon.
Round Three - Doherty is sliding along the ropes trying to lure Lela into a mistake. Lela isn't having any of that. Rochon taunts Doherty mightily and suggests she might even 'take Shannen's man away from her'. This inflames Shannen as she tries 'swapping shots' with Lela along the ropes. It's ALL Lela as she hammers Shannen with solid bombs to the head that drop the hapless TV star once more. As Doherty writhes in pain, Rochon thrusts both her arms up and grins at her prey.
“Stay down, stay down!” screams Tori but Shannen is determined and she rises and stumbles towards Lela who again slams her hard, then watches grinning as Doherty's legs quiver for all they're worth. Suddenly, Shannen tilts backwards and falls hard on her back! The crowd is in pandemonium as Lela Rochon has won another fight. Lela’s corner gal, Valerie Bertinelli, puts Lela's robe over her shoulders and kisses her.
“I'm not dragging her worthless ass around the ring,” Lela sneers. “I didn't drag you either now, did I?”
“No you didn't boss,” says Valerie.
All of Lela's pals - including Angela Bassett and Whitney Houston - are in the ring kissing her as they strut around Shannen Doherty's fallen, unconscious body. Finally Tori Spelling has to drag Shannen out of the ring.
NOTE: Sharon Stone was in attendance and decided SHE wants a piece of Lela next!
********
Match #3: Sharon Stone vs. Lela Rochon by Jack Fac
Ever since Sharon Stone's 'bad gal-pal’ Shannen Doherty got knocked out by Lela Rochon, Sharon had nursed a resentment of that defeat. Lela was a 'low profile' kind of fighter who got the job done but did little if any talking or interviews concerning her accomplishments. Rochon had beaten her current ‘slave’ Valerie Bertinelli before Doherty and seemed ready for some 'hard core' battles in the ring. The night Sharon saw Shannen fall to Lela she concluded SHE was the one to short circuit the 'Waiting to Exhale' gal's boxing career.
Following the Doherty bout, Lela went seriously to work in the ring, sparring with her now corner gal and sparring mate Valerie. Bonnie Franklin, Valerie's TV 'Mom' from ‘One Day At a Time’ served as ref during these private sessions. In both sparring duels the emotion had increased with both Lela and Valerie. Deep down Bertinelli still wanted a piece of Lela since her beating months before at Lela's hands and in their sessions they'd gone hell bent for leather at one another. But both times Lela brutally knocked out Valerie and afterward it was friendship time once more as they dined and did other things ‘gal-pals’ do in the privacy of their own bedroom. Valerie was honest with Lela, telling her how much she wanted another 'public bout' where they would once again mix it up.
"Forget it little toughie," chuckled Lela. "I'll just have to do you in again!"
This conversation was taking place in an outdoor restaurant setting in LA when who should step into their private chat but the imperious Sharon Stone.
"Yeah Rochon, beating up little twinkies like your pal here is about your speed isn't it?” challenged Stone.
Lela coolly looked up in Sharon's direction and then returned her gaze to Valerie, "Val dear, did you hear some sort of annoying jerk murmuring around here?”
"Think I did Boss," snickered Val.
Sharon angrily shoved Valerie off of her chair as another test and Lela sprang to her feet to defend her girlfriend.
"I get the drift there old broad. I hear you want a piece of me. Well, it's time somebody sent your old ass packing and I'm the woman who can do that." Stone smiled in her sinister way and suggested New York was the place to have it out. "OK with me," huffed Lela. "Madison Square Garden?"
"Done!" replied the cocky Stone.
The fight is held after three months of hard training by both women; Rochon sparring with Julie Brown and Naomi Campbell while Stone worked out with her ‘protégé’ Charlize Theron. Sharon is first into the ring, accompanied by her trainer Jessica Lange. She strips off her robe and looks grand at 47 y/o in just a simple white thong, her still firm breasts jiggling free. But then Valerie slips off Lela's robe to reveal a “major league hot body” in a black thong with a matching bra with white dots - the outfit Lela wore for her stripper role in 'Gang Related.' Lela outdraws Sharon in the catcall department based on that outfit alone and Sharon is tear ass angry over it as they approach center ring to hear ref Elke Sommer give instructions.
Round One - Sharon smirks at Lela in a taunting fashion and fires a hard left connecting to Lela's gut. Lela backs up slightly and answers the blonde with one of her own. Sharon’s face reddens as Lela’s shot is harder than hers. The dislike between the two is palpable as they head to center ring and slug it out. Lela 'gets off first with a volley of combinations that snap Sharon's blonde hair back. Stone's sweat streaked head emits plenty of droplets all over the ring and her luscious legs buckle from the power of Lela’s punches. Not to be outdone, Sharon retaliates with a series of hammer blows into Lela's face, raising welts under both eyes. Sharon is regaining some confidence but Lela's footwork is solid as she dances away from Sharon's next flurry and jacks her up with a hard overhand right! Sharon stumbles backward, slightly dazed as the bell sounds. The round is scored close to even.
Round Two - Lela moves inside on Sharon at the start of the second round and delivers more hard body shots. Sharon's six year age gap over the 41 y/o Lela starts to show. "You’re soft AND slow, you old bimbo!" teases Lela as she wallops Sharon mercilessly with a left/right combo that sends Sharon to the canvas. The crowd is eating it up as Lela parades around with her gloves upraised laughing at her still fallen opponent while Sharon struggles to regain her feet. Sharon takes an eight count, then charges Lela and drives her back with a left hook of her own that makes Lela's legs buckle a bit. The Garden crowd is loving the back and forth action as the women trade shots until LELA FALLS under Sharon's right hook! Rochon staggers up to her feet just at the bell. This fight is NOT over by a longshot!
Round Three - Lela is hurting and Sharon knows it. "You'll see who's an old bimbo, you stinking snot" she snarls as she delivers another telling shot to Lela's lumping up face. Both gals eyes are swollen, but Lela's look worse and she needs to reach back as she feels the fight slipping away from her.
"C'mon Boss let it all hang out," encourages Valerie in Lela’s corner.
“Work her body!” Lange yells from Stone’s.
Lela has strong legs and she needs them to avert Sharon's attack which produces another series of solid hits to her midsection. Lela staggers back but then she unleashes that great left hook of hers as she NAILS Sharon with it as Stone wades in for another fusillade of shots of her own. Sharon stumbles and Lela presses her advantage with a vicious right to Sharon's exposed jaw.
The N.Y. Times carries the picture the next day as Sharon Stone falls to Lela Rochon with this hit. Sharon's body is hurtled into the ropes, then as she staggers on rubber legs back to the waiting Rochon, Lela winds up and clobbers her with yet another left hook! The defiant Stone falls victim to the African/American Tigress from LA! Elke Sommer takes her time counting out the unconscious Stone amid the tumult of the Garden.
Postfight: Bertinelli leaps into Lela's waiting triumphant arms and Lela tells her, “Now it's drag time!” Sharon's whipped body is presented to Valerie who eagerly has the honor of sloowly stripping off Stone’s white thong, rolling her over and posing with her heel wedged in Sharon’s pussy while Lela ties the thong around Sharon's ankles. Lela exuberantly drags the wiped out blonde around the ring by the ankles, her gloved fists trailing behind for all to survey. After Lela gives Sharon’s 47 year old ass a spanking (to the delight of the crowd) she leaves her face down in the ring as she and Valerie head off to celebrate. A rematch could be in the making as Stone claims she got hit by a “lucky punch” - an excuse Lela vehemently denies; offering Stone the opportunity to “prove it; any time, any place!”
********
Match #4: Donna Summer vs. Mary Hart by Jack Fac
It had all started out on a friendly interview during the 'Entertainment tonight' show when Mary Hart spoke with Donna Summer and was quick with some quips about Donna's career and singing style. What began as some good natured ribbing deteriorated into a caustic exchange at the end of the interview when Donna invited Mary to 'step outside' after her gig. Mary mocked Donna and said that if she (Mary) did that then an ambulance would need to be called ahead of time on behalf of Donna of course. "Look Donna, I know you wiped out poor Ann Reinking awhile ago but I'm a different kettle of fish. Best you realize that before I have to prove it to you " snarled Mary in front of a national t.v. audience. Not to be upstaged, Donna challenged Mary to a 'duel' in the upcoming L.A. road race. Mary accepted and each agreed they'd compete in the running and the next day would stage a charity three round boxing match for the food bank.
Race day and Donna is primed. She sets a steady pace and she and Mary are neck and neck throughout the 5.1 mile event. At the final mile it's Donna who has the 'kick' and she beats the amazed blonde by a solid 50 yards as the crowd shows it's adulation for the disco queen.
"Lucky is what you are," huffs Mary with a reddened face as she saunters alongside Donna with hands on her hips.
"I'll make you wish you never ran this race when I whip your ass in the ring," Donna snarls.
"Believe me, Donna, it will my everlasting pleasure to drop you in your tracks. Wait’ll you get slammed by my right cross."
"Why Mary," laughed Donna. "I'll be keeping that in mind. Thing is though, it's your ass that’s gonna fall. I bet you $5000 that you end up KO'd."
"Bet!" replied Mary, then they shook on it.
The day of the fight arrives as the contestants climb into a makeshift ring at Huntington Beach. A large crowd is on hand with most standing. Sue Anne Langdon is ref.
Round One - Mary attacks first with a hard right to Donna's mid-section. "You're soft there Summer" she chides the disco lady. Suddenly Donna unleashes a combination to Mary's jaw that sends her backwards on buckled lovely legs. She totters momentarily but stays up. "Best you got, eh dancing queen? You ARE in trouble."
"We'll see about that!" is Donna's retort as she fires another scoring volley to Hart's gut which doubles up the blonde talking head. The round is scored even.
Round Two - Donna is moving and sticking this round as she throws solid left jabs to Mary's eyes. Hart is getting frustrated and is looking to land a big 'put away' punch to Donna's jaw. Summer's legs and footwork are making this tough as the disco diva delivers a hammer blow to Mary's jaw again. This sends Mary down hard on her ass as the crowd is cheering. They like Donna much more.
"Kill her, Donna; kill her!" the crowd chants. Donna is motivated and wallops Mary to the canvas once more.
"You got me Donna, you got me You win…..NO MORE, PLEASE…"
Donna only cruelly laughs, then smashes the blue eyed blonde again, viciously driving her to the canvas for the last time.
Postfight: While Mary lays out cold on her stomach, Donna struts out of the ring and is lifted up by adoring fans. Afterward, she jumps back in the ring, bares Mary's ass, then gives her naked body a long, slooooow victory drag before leaving to party with her peeps!
********
Match #5: (FLASHBACK) Julie Brown vs. Loni Anderson (1981 by Jack Fac
It’s 1981 and Loni Anderson has been smarting over her defeat at the hands of Karen Valentine for months! She’s sworn vengeance and today finds her working out extra hard on the speed bag as she hammers it relentlessly. Loni is also putting more emphasis on her footwork, an area Karen had really exploited during their first bout - one in which Loni went down to a knockout at Karen's gloved fists. On top of all that Loni had suffered some additional ignominy when her lover was swept away by Karen following her humiliation. Altogether it had been the worst day of Loni's 35 year old life!
Loni's sparring partner, Jaclyn Smith, called and told Loni she’d be delayed and that it would be best if she found someone else to spell her. Right after hanging up the phone Loni spotted a young gal headed towards the heavy bag. Loni approached this tawny complected gal who introduced herself as Julie Brown, saying she was in LA for the annual international high school boxing championship. Julie added that her opponent that evening was a gal from a Westchester, Calif. high school.
"Why don't we get in the ring and spar?" suggested Loni. "I'll take it easy on you kid, don't worry."
Julie glowered at the older woman. "Yeah why don't we just get in there and give it a run? Works for me!"
Just at that moment, Jaclyn Smith arrived and Loni told her about the change in plans, adding, "Why don't you ref Jackie?"
“Glad to," said Smith who had a foreboding about this 'Julie gal.'
Jackie waved both fighters in to begin. Loni is decked out in a drop dead white string bikini. Julie has on a purple bikini thong which would be the forerunner to her fighting garb later on. Loni slams Julie quickly with a solid left and snaps the high school girl's head back.
"Rookie mistake there kid," laughs Loni. "Get you lined up for tonight!"
Suddenly, Julie unleashes a furious body volley which has Anderson doubled over in pain and surprise. "What's your excuse old broad?" she teases Loni. "You're soft, old and slow!"
Infuriated, Loni elects to trade shots with Julie in center ring but Julie ducks just about all of Loni's shots and delivers a great uppercut which buckles Loni’s long, slim legs. Then Julie connects with a series of skillful head shots and causes Loni's eyes to begin swelling. Loni is being outboxed and outclassed once again in the ring. By now a crowd had formed including Karen Valentine who is grinning from ear to ear watching Loni’s destruction in the exhibition.
"Kick her ass kiddo!" exhorts Karen.
Julie hits Loni with her left-right combo and Loni stumbles backward, then her knees give way and she FALLS hard on her ass; her big boobs bouncing wildly. The place goes wild cheering Julie on.
"Whip her out there Julie!" screams the anti-Loni crowd and Julie is complying as she once again wallops Loni with a jaw shot that makes Loni’s head spin sideways as sweat goes flying. Loni is a beaten fighter and begins to beg Julie to quit.
"You got me kid…you got me,” she whimpers. "I give, I give."
But Julie is unsympathetic to her plea and her killer instinct is there as she batters Loni even harder and watches the blonde collapse and sprawl flat on her face. It's over for Loni Anderson! Julie is warmly applauded as Loni lies there for a good fifteen minutes before Jaclyn Smith finally comes over and pushes smelling salts under her nose.
Later that night, Julie beats the local girl for the international title. Loni is in the stands cheering Julie on but she’s wearing dark glasses to hide the bruising she suffered that morning. Loni decided for now to pack the gloves away.
********
Match #6: Walkin’ The Line: Reese Witherspoon vs. Faith Hill
It was an 'after movie' party at Reese Witherspoon's place where many were gathered. The crowd had been treated, gratis of Reese and husband Ryan , to Reese's box office smash 'I walk the line' which is based on the life of the late Johnny Cash and his late spouse June Carter Cash. Reese plays the role of June and it was Reese's portrayal of 'Junie' as Faith Hill called June Carter that rankled a few of the 'Country Western' gal singers. The most opposed to Reese's selection was, of course, Faith. Ms. Hill, with each passing cocktail, became that much more vocal about her displeasure to the point where Reese was burning up with all the vitriol hurled at her and in her own home no less.
"Listen you big gawk, if you don't like what you saw then fine but put a sock in it now since you're in my house."
"Your folks MUST have taught you a few manners didn't they"? continue Reese.
"You little scrubeenie" fired back Faith, " I have no damned idea how you got that role but it didn't belong to you. Not in one damned million years did it!"
A crowd had gathered to hear this exchange and they applauded the suggestion was made by Linda Kozlowski. "There's a Katrina benefit next month in Vegas so why not have these two duke it out three rounds for charity? Sound good?”
"I'd kick little miss Muffett's tuffet clear around the ring," laughed Faith.
"You'll get that chance!" huffed Reese. The crowd cheered the banter and boasting and couldn't wait. Bets were already being made and mostly in favor of the taller long legged Hill.
"If Faith wins I'll donate $1 million to the fund," cried out Reese over the din in her home.
"Make that two million from me," sneered Faith.
The next month saw Reese working hard with Eartha Kitt as her trainer. They enlisted the tall Kelly LeBrock as a sparring partner for Reese to simulate the ‘look’ of the towering Hill. Kelly was impressed by Reese's resolve in the ring but does 'sucker her' into a little slugfest, then mows down the little Memphis gal with a hard right.
"Told you earlier girl if you start trying to trade with that tall gal she's gonna whup your ass," warned Eartha. "Just follow the game plan; stick and move and stay inside those long arms of hers. Use your youth and speed and you'll beat her!"
Fight night and the MGM Grand ballroom ring is set up for the 15,000 in attendance. Both gals have plenty of fans. Reese has her Hollywood buddies and Faith her C&W gal pals such as Martina McBride, Shania Twain and Cheryl Crow. Elke Sommer is the ref.
Faith whips off her robe to reveal her stunning long legs in a yellow thong. Reese doffs her robe to reveal a red, white and blue thong reminiscent of the American Flag.
"Can't wait to knock your little ass out," snarls Faith. "Then I'm gonna drag your sorry ass all over this ring without that flag thing you got on. Can’t wait to have the picture in a frame on my mantle complete of me victory dragging you, you little phony."
"Then come get it, you dumb gawky drink o’ water," was Reese's rejoinder. "I'm right here for you to prove it"
"Enough talk," interjects an impatient Sommer. "You two prove it in the ring."
Round One- Faith is first off the mark with a flurry of long left jabs that find Reese's eyes. She snaps Reese's head back hard and then slams the younger woman to the canvas with an overhand right. Reese is drilled hard on her ass and is up by 6. Witherspoon dances away from these continuing shots and gets inside to deliver several solid body shots that hurt Faith who doubles up in pain. Reese continues her assault and clobbers Hill with a short inside right to the cheek that sends Hill's head sideways and sweat flying. The crowd is loving these exchanges and the animosity which drives the action. Reese stands toe to toe with Faith and hammers the taller woman inside again with another barrage of body shots. Faith is slightly ahead in round one.
"Cut off the ring on that little imp!" laughs Faith's handler, Reba McIntire.
“O.K. chief got it" replies Faith.
Round Two- Hill attempts to corner the shorter gal but is again thwarted by jackhammer body shots. Hill dances out of range and begins to box more. Her long lefts pick up again and slam Reese hard. Three times Reese's head is clipped by these blows and now her eyes are swelling up more.
"Gotcha now you little witch" laughs Faith. "You're mine all mine!" Faith floors the shorter gal once more and thrusts her arms up and does a victory dance of sorts. Reese is hurt but there's no quit in the little toughie from Memphis and she climbs back up once more and rams Faith with a rat-a-tat-tat of head shots that leaves the tall blonde wobbling. Hill's return shots come with a more weary response now as her arms appear to be tiring. Their nine year age difference is starting to work for Reese who’s motoring around the ring more and making herself a more difficult target. Each time Faith misses, she pays for it with harder and harder body shots. Reese's conditioning is superior and her stamina has lots of reserve. She hits Faith with a clean right uppercut that sends the leggy gal stumbling into the ropes. Faith's legs are crumbling as she topples into the ropes and slides down. She's back up where she's hit brutally by Reese's volley of head shots.
Hill's eyes are closing too and her lips are all puffy as she groans, "You got me Reese; no more…please…"
Reese just chuckles and says, “So much for your victory drag, you long tall drink of water."
Reese delivers her left/right combo to a battered and beaten Faith Hill's jaw and Faith's eyes glaze over, then she FALLS under Reese's heavy-handed punches.
Postfight: The place is in total adoration of Reese as off comes Faith's thong. The shorter victorious little Memphis gal has taken the measure of the tall C&W singer from Star, Mississippi. Faith's bruised and battered body gets dragged all around by a joyous Reese who then dons a dark wig over her now-back-to-blond hair, grabs a guitar and stands straddling Faith’s fallen body as she strums a victory tune before the house lights go out for the night.
********
Match #7: Lola Falana vs. Farrah Fawcett (1977) by Jack Fac
It's 1977 and Lola Falana is a major attraction on the Vegas strip. It’s a big Christmas party at the Sands and among the attendees are the girls of ‘Charlie's Angels’, prominent among them Farrah Fawcett who’s working the room and enjoying being fawned over by just about everyone. Lola hasn't had the 'pleasure' of meeting the toothy star of the series but finally the two do meet - when Farrah, whose a bit tipsy, bumps into Lola causing the Cuban-Afro-American to spill her drink down her cleavage. Her nipples instantly harden in response to the icy stimulation, a fact not missed by the ‘nipplicious’ Ms. Fawcett who is famously well-endowed herself in that regard!
"Sorry about that sis," mumbles Farrah, sounding anything BUT apologetic. “You really oughta be more careful." Then, finally recognizing Lola, she adds, “Hey, I caught your show last night - not TOO bad."
Lola isn't sure if this is a set-up, but all doubt is dispelled an instant later when Jaclyn Smith slams into her from behind, knocking forward into Farrah’s arms.
While Lola struggles to disengage herself from Farrah’s clutches without spilling the rest of her drink on herself, she hears, "You ARE clumsy aren't you?" from Jaclyn. The two Texans start attempting to have fun at Lola's expense, chatting animatedly back and forth as if she weren’t there, denigrating her show, but particularly her inability to hold her liquor.
"It'll be great when you two jerks - and your bony-ass sidekick - leave town!" snarled Lola. "Texas blowhards have never been my cup of tea anyway!"
With that comment, Farrah gives Lola a shove, slamming her back up against the buffet table resulting in a food spill that stains the entire seat of Lola's lovely (and expensive) gown.
"Hey how's about you and me duking it out in the celebrity charity bash," challenges Farrah as Lola blushes and tries to wipe off her dress. "I ain't a little slave girl like your girl toy Joey Heatherton - as you'll find out if you ain’t afraid to face me," laughs Farrah.
"OK, you got it girl,” Lola instantly replies. “Oh, and do me one more favor if you want to keep breathing; don't EVER call me SIS again!" Lola's eyes are riveted on Farrah who can feel a distinct chill.
***
The next night finds the contestants ready to rumble at Caesar's Palace with a full house in attendance. Farrah strips off her ‘Charlie’s Angel's’ robe to reveal a revealing red bikini that draws lots of “oohh” and “aahh” from the audience. But Lola isn't outdone though and her purple robe is tenderly and lovingly slipped off her shoulders by the lovely blond Joey Heatherton, who fills many roles in Lola's world including being her corner girl/slave/lover, etc. Lola slowly parades the ring, showing off a stunning body in a tiny white thong and her long, tawny legs bowl over the guys in the crowd. Typically Vegas, Caesers has signed Jill St. John to be the referee for this celebrity set-to.
Round One- Lola's legs are in superb shape, allowing her to dart mischievously away from Farrah as she lunges with combinations that miss entirely. "Hey you can't act and you can't fight either!" teases Lola, stopping and planting her feet, then drilling a right cross hard to Fawcett's jaw. Farrah's blonde mane flings sweat as her head swivels and her knees buckle from the force of the punch. But Fawcett retaliates with a good right to Lola's body which backs the dancer up. Then our 'Angel' mounts an assault with a left-right combo to Lola's face. This time, it's the dusky vixen whose head snaps around. Farrah has her rhythm as she continues to connect solidly to Lola’s body and head as she soundly beats Lola in round one.
Round Two- Farrah resumes her bruising attack on the dancer with a solid minute of great body work. Her plan is to force Lola's arms down to protect her gorgeous body so she can knock her out with a good head shot. By the second minute, however, Lola has caught on though and resumes dancing, slipping most punches to slam Farrah hard with a left-right combination that unhinges Fawcett’s legs! Farrah's ass hits the canvas hard and she rolls onto her back, her legs shooting upward. "Gotcha that time weasel!" chortles Lola. Fawcett staggers upright, only to be hammered by Lola's famous left hook directly to the belly. Lola is taking charge now as she jackhammers the wheezing Texan with vicious jabs until Farrah's eyes start swelling. Then a Lola right cross drops Farrah to the canvas once again just as the bell sounds. Farrah is slow regaining her feet after this and she lost the round big time.
Round Three- Lola smells blood just as she did when she destroyed Joey Heatherton a decade before on the USS Forrestal before a crowd of sailors and marines. Falana's gloves are like heat seeking missiles which continually make contact with Farrah’s now swollen face.
"Had enough blowhard?" taunts Lola.
"Up yours!" is Farrah's defiant reply.
Farrah's corner knows she is a beaten fighter as Lola is prancing after her prey, delivering more and more big hits. The crowd, at first firmly in Farrah’s corner, is now almost unanimously supporting Lola as she shows her dominance.
"Whatever Lola wants Lola gets," announces Lola to the stricken gal from Corpus Christi as she digs into Farrah’s lush body with a combination, then watches the blonde topple over. Lola throws her hands in the air as she prepares to take her victory lap around the ring.
"Not so fast," mumbles Fawcett through swollen lips as she, once again, commands her legs to support her.
As Farrah rises she is hit with that signature Lola Left Hook and it spins her wildly on rubbery legs. Farrah goes a full 180 and though glazed eyes she sees her tormenter chuckling as her legs buckle. Farrah’s famous breasts bounce wildly when her knees hit the canvas, then she sways slowly back and forth in front of Lola for a moment before she pitches forward and crashes face down; her toussled mane of disheveled blonde hair fanned out between Lola’s spread feet.
Postfight- Falana has won another fight and now Lola steps on the prostrate Texan’s firm ass as she walks to Farrah's corner where she spots a ten gallon hat and a rope.
"Planning to tie me up with that rope, wasn't she?” Lola chuckles to a stricken Jaclyn Smith.
"Maybe I’ll use it instead!" growls Smith. Bad move! Lola slams Jaclyn with that left hook and watches the brunette crumple to the canvas beside her Angel's castmate.
Postfight: Lola doffs the ten gallon and ties both actresses ankles with the rope, then pulls it over her shoulder and grunts as she strains to drags them together around the ring. Finally, Lola ties the two to the side ropes with their bare butts exposed. Lola inscribes the words 'Lone Star' over their cheeks as the camera bulbs explode. Falana has 'had her way' this night and the sell-out crowd has enjoyed the whole show from this unbeatable headliner.
Footnote- In the crowd observing all this was Britt Eklund, the European champion. She vows to her trainer, former world champion Anita Ekberg, that she will beat Lola but Ekberg isn't so sure.
******
Match #8: Vanessa Minnillo vs. ‘Downtown’ Julie Brown by Jack Fac
The affair was a baseball memorabilia exhibit in Southern California. Among the attendees was the great current N.Y. Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter. Derek had been briefly dating Vanessa Minnillo back in New York but had shown signs of tiring of her. Vanessa had been assigned to cover the event by 'Entertainment Tonight' and Downtown Julie Brown was also there doing some freelance interviews of various players past and present.
Julie had earlier been introduced to the former 'Miss Teenage South Carolina (circa 1997) and did not get good vibes at all. In fact, Vanessa had given Downtown a rather curt brushoff when informed that Julie had impressive ring prowess. 'Looks like most all your fights are behind you now honey' she had intoned before moving along. Derek had heard this while standing nearby and let Julie know that Vanessa had outlived her usefulness to him.
“See if you can't clue her in better than I can,” he told Julie.
Later there was some so-called “friendly” beach football with Vanessa challenging anyone who wanted to try and stop her from scoring a touchdown. Naturally, Julie took up her challenge. Julia Roberts was the quarterback and Vanessa the pass receiver with Downtown as the defender. Vanessa sped towards Julie and planted a solid hip fake which spun Brown around, then she quickly turned to her right and was beyond the beaten defender Downtown Julie Brown. Julia Robert's pass was right on the money to Vanessa and she gathered it in in full stride with a little bounce and shimmy of her drop-dead yellow string bikini.
Julie Brown could only dive fruitlessly, her face slamming into the sand as she futilely tried to bring Vanessa down. All Julie got for her trouble was a mouthful of sand. The crowd was cheering Vanessa at Julie's expense as Minnillo strutted back to the still prostrate Julie and slammed the ball down on Julie's sand-encrusted head.
“This what you were looking for, Granny?” laughed Minnillo.
NEVER had Julie Brown EVER been shown up like this. Her fury was intense as she gestured towards the makeshift boxing ring set up nearby…the same one in which Julie had decimated Jillian Barberie a few months earlier.
“You and me going round and round,” Julie announced.
“Right on there Granny,” chuckled Vanessa who had at leaset 17 years on Julie.
Derek Jeter was to ref and agreed that he'd continue dating Vanessa if she won. The fight is on! Celebs gather around the ring for this one, sitting in beach chairs or on blankets, with several more standing behind those seated in the first few rows.
Round One- Julie comes out in a rage and slams Vanessa with a hard right which sends the youngster back but not down. “Powder puff shot there, you old broad,” chortled Vanessa as she skillfully delivers a series of solid jabs to Julie's face and then hammered her in the gut with an unanswered volley of hits. Julie is hurt from this. “Once I'm done with you, Granny, I'm gonna flip your fat/soft body back in the sand,” Vanessa boasts, then wallops Julie to the canvas with a mean left hook that leaves 'Downtown' glassy eyed. ‘Downtown’ Julie Brown is being completely outclassed! The round ends in time for Julie to stagger back to her corner. Eartha Kitt is there and is wondering if this might be the end of the road for her champ.
Round Two- Minnillo is dancing beautifully away from Julie's attempts at a left/right combo. The little gal is too quick for ‘Downtown’ it appears as Vanessa creams Julie, sending her to the deck once again with a combination. Julie's eyes are shutting quickly. She has met her match with a younger quicker gal who has no fear of her! Minnillo is taunting the great ‘Downtown’ while hitting her at will. Even Julie's past victims like Kim Cattrall and Diane Lane can't believe the exhibition Vanessa is putting on. “Want to throw in the towel Granny?' teases Vanessa. But Julie is defiant although Minnillo's blows are killing her. Again, Julie goes down when she’s caught solidly by a right cross from Vanessa who raises her arms as Julie sprawls on her face for the second time.
“Pack it in you pathetic old bimbo,” intones Vanessa.
Julie, once again, stumbles to her corner. “You got to quite girl,” advises Eartha Kitt. “That kid has your number and we all know it.”
“NO WAY!” is Julie's defiant answer.
Round Three- It's only instinct and momentum now that keeps Julie Brown on her feet. Her once mighty blows from past bouts make no impact on Vanessa Minnillo who KNOWS she is about the bring down a long running act. Vanessa slams Julie's eyes shut and then delivers the 'coup de grace' which is a left hook a la Lola Falana from years past when Falana beat Joey Heatherton. Julie Brown's senseless body flies into the ropes and she ends up face down amidst thunderous cheers from the young crowd watching this exhibition. Jeter counts Julie out and raises Vanessa's right hand in victory as she plants her heel on Julie's ass.
Downtown's trademark purple thong is ripped off and then she's dragged around bare-assed for all to see. Finally, as promised, Vanessa heaves Julie's body out of the ring into the sand leaving her the sole occupant of the ring. Derek has already left to make dinner reservations for the two of them.
******
Match #9: Janet Jones Gretzky vs. ‘Downtown’ Julie Brown
Julie Brown had been dispatched to Torino, Italy to help out with some broadcasting by her boss Jill Hennessey. One assignment was to get in some 'face time' with the controversial Janet Jones who had recently been named in a gambling/betting allegation. This wouldn't prove to be a slam dunk assignment at all since nerves were on edge with both Janet and Julie. Jones was nervous with the obvious embarrassment this was causing her husband 'the Great One' Wayne Gretzkey.
Julie had recently been slaughtered in her latest boxing match against Vanessa Minnillo which had driven her stock value way down in Hennessey Enterprises. Julie made it her business to immediately find Janet as she called Jones hotel room. The first few phone calls produced no results and Jill Hennessey was continually ringing Downtown's cell asking about the 'status of things'.
Jill was growing more frustrated with each passing call and threatened to come over to Torino and kick Julie's ass pronto if she couldn't get this done. Finally, Jill came up with an underhanded scheme of her own. She bought some advertising time in the arena and alledged at the end of the ad that Janet Jones was 'dodging her heavy hitter Julie Brown' since she was afraid of her.
That smoked Janet out quickly when she accosted Julie in the hotel lobby and snarling in Julie's face asked her who the hell she thought she was 'dissing her' the way she was. Julie took an immediate dislike to the blonde and denied nothing though she had no knowledge that the ad was running. Julie was spoiling for a fight to avenge the vicious beating Minnillo had dealt her.
“Hey blondie! I can't help it if you're a half assed stupid gambler now can I am," smirked Julie.
Jones knew of Julie's boxing reputation but didn't care on iota. "I'm gonna kick your ass for what you pulled here you sorry sack of shit!" exclaimed Jones. "We'll have our own boxing event won't we?"
"Yeah you got that right!" laughed Julie. "Let's do it tomorrow night right after the skating event shall we?"
"You're on Brown!" snapped Jones.
"BET I win," taunted Julie.
The next night a special ring is set up with seating for thousands in the large stadium. Sophia Loren introduces the two. Proceeds for the fight go to the Olympic fund.
Round one- Jones is sharp from the outset and slams Julie hard with solid left jabs. Janet's long legs move quickly and she dodges Julie's combinations handily and continues to connect with Julie's eyes with that whipsaw left jab of hers. Julie is being outboxed and is getting frustrated quickly. Janet rams Julie hard with an overhand right that buckles Julie's knees. The round ends with the black thonged Jones winning handily and she's playing well to the crowd which is behind her.
Round two- Julie begins to get inside Jone's longer arms and delivers a good body attack that causes Janet pain. Her long legs quiver a bit as she backpedals to get away from the hard hammer blows Julie is delivering. The two are at center ring exchanging shots and Julie's quicker hands are getting results. Janet's head snaps back at the force of Julie's wicked right cross. Sweat flies off Jones's forehead and her eyes are bruised and swelling. Julie is starting to taunt Janet a bit now. Downtown jackhammers the hurt Janet with another volley of body shots and Janet stumbles back to her corner having been beaten in this round.
Round three- "Wanna double the wager, sucker"? teases Julie. Jones is incensed at this and attacks Julie with a combination that hasn't the earlier sting of the punches she had in the opening round. Julie is motoring around the ring now in that sexy purple thong and has swung the crowd her way. The old 'Downtown' - in spite of the Minnillo beating, is making a comeback. Julie renders Janet helpless with a blazing right cross that staggers the tall leggy blonde. Jones legs are rubbery and she's growing panicky.
"You win Downtown, you got me; I give I give!" is Janet's entreaty.
"You BET I win, you blonde loser!" Downtown replies as she clobbers the taller blond with her famous left-right combination.
Joneses eyes are all but shut and glassy as the legs - which have captivated many a guy - can't hold her up any longer this night and they fold as she topples unconscious onto her back - where she remains without moving while Loren counts her out to a cheering pro Downtown crowd now.
"No victory drag here in Torino!" Sophia tells Julie. "You want to do that, you’ll have to beat her again back in the US "
"I'm cool with that Sophia," says Julie, standing over the fallen Janet Jones as she responds to the roaring crowd with raised gloves.
Julie does know she has a long way to go though to get another bout with Vanessa Minnillo and she realizes beating that young woman will be much harder than her battle with Janet Jones - but she just can’t wait to start!.
******
Match #10: Ann Archer vs. Leslie Ann Warren by Jack Fac
The scene is Atlantic City, N.J. and it's an AARP convention. Night has fallen and the hardier old ones are floating around the casinos and enjoying dinners along with the gambling tables and slot machines. Certain movie stars over 50 have been brought in to schmooze with the old ones and get them to spend more jack as the night wears on. 'The Donald' has arranged all this.
Among the stars are Ann Archer and Lesley Ann Warren who haven't made each others fan club at all. Both have been jockeying for attention and each has shown a disdain for the other.
"I find your movies rather one dimensional Ann," remarks Warren with a sly smile, looking to get under Archer's skin.
Ann, on the other hand, is very cool and simply makes some comeback about how "unsophisticated and sophomoric" Warren's roles have been. Also, she can't refrain from remarking on how Lesley Ann was dumped years earlier by her producer husband. That inflamed Lesley Ann a great deal.
"Why don't you and I play a few hands of poker or compete at something?" challenged Warren.
"Sure, why not," was Ann's immediate rejoinder. Archer proceeded to clean out Warren's purse in short order, further inflaming the tall, long, leggy and still stunning gal.
"I think it's just best that we settle this in the ring don't you?" seethed Lesley Ann.
"Darling I thought you'd never ask since you look like such a lily-livered coward," chortled Archer.
Word started getting around the casino that the two movies ladies were going to 'have it out' in the ring the following night.
The Next Night the boxing arena is loaded with seniors and all are betting heavily. Most of the guys are backing Warren while the overwhelming majority of the ladies are big time into rooting for Archer.
It's scheduled for three rounds with all the proceeds benefiting the AARP. They've gotten as the referee famed celebrity boxer and supermodel, Naomi Campbell.
Lesley Ann's robe falls to reveal a slim pair of sexy legs and still firm body. Ann's body is more compact and her white bikini shows a pair of solid legs - much stronger looking than Warren's. Both gals are smiling coolly at the other as they're summoned to center ring by Naomi.
Warren seems a bit tense and Ann gives her the needle, "You look worried darling!"
"Get fighting and no more words from either of you!" orders Naomi gruffly.
Round One- Ann comes out smoking and connects viciously to Lesley Ann's midriff doubling her over. Archer dances confidently to the center of the ring smirking, "Got anything in that flimsy tank of yours girl?"
Lesley Ann drives Ann back with solid left jabs to the face; good stiff shots that snap the shorter gal's head back.
"Got that don't I!" chides Lesley Ann.
The dislike is so intense between these two that they are at center ring hammering each other continually. Lesley's sharp jabs are landing but so are Ann's piledriving body shots. Both are still hitting each other as Naomi separates them at the bell. Round is called even.
Round Two- Lesley Ann continues her left jab assault but now Ann is slipping some of these shots and ramming Lesley even harder with well timed body blows. Lesley Ann's arms are drooping a bit. Suddenly Ann connects with a solid left-right combo to the jaw that drops the stunned Warren on her ass; her big tits bouncing wildly in her top.
The place is up and roaring as the old ladies are high-fiving at the sight of the busty beauty Warren bouncing on her ass under the assault of the hard-hitting Archer.
Lesley Ann's face is looking a bit panicked now while Ann's is looking like a person in charge. Lesley Ann is glassy eyed as she struggles to her feet…only to have Ann slam her down once more just before the bell sounds.
Archer raises her gloves over her head and struts back across the ring, leaving Warren to stagger to her feet and stumble back to her stool.
Round Three- Lesley Ann must attack now as she is behind on points and she regains some momentum with several good jabs, but the sting is gone and Ann delivers a ferocious volley of body shots once again. Lesley Ann is backing up and looking to quit.
"Gotcha now, don't I?" laughs Ann Archer.
"I give…" whimpers Lesley Ann, hugging her belly.
"Well, here's what I GIVE!" laughs Ann as she winds up for a big right uppercut. WHAM!
The long legged Warren's gams just crumble under her as her head is snapped back on her shoulders! As her arms drop limp at her sides, she drops to her knees, teeters briefly, then collapses forward and crashes facedown with her face between Ann's spread legs. While nobody thinks it's necessary, Naomi nevertheless counts her out in what is a needless formality for, except for a slight twitching of her legs, Lesley Ann never moves.
The old guys rip up their bets and walk out while the old gals laugh and mob the victorious Ann Archer who is later feted at an after-hours victory dinner. Lesley Ann is put in the sack by her ex-, Jon Peters, who can only lament that she had no business fighting Ann in the first place.