The Tomb Raider: Rhona Mitra vs. Angelina Jolie by Raccoon

"Why am I here? And why was I asked to wear my Tomb Raider outfit?" Angelina Jolie said out aloud. She had already been sitting in this waiting room for over fifteen minutes which was unacceptable! She didn't wait for people; she made people wait for her! She looked at herself in the large mirror that covered most of the back wall, opened her holsters and pulled out her guns.

"You'd better explain what I'm doing here or..." she said in character and pointed the guns at an imaginary person in front of her. Naturally, she didn't get an answer and so, with a sigh, she returend her guns back to their holsters.

Suddenly the door on the other side of the room opened and an exceptionally beautiful woman entered. To Angelina's surprise the other woman was also dressed as Lara Croft.

"Er, who are you?"

The woman didn't reply; instead she walked confidently into the center of the room where she remained standing with legs apart, hands on her hips and with a confident smile on her lips.

"Did you hear me? I've been waiting for..."

"Oh, shut up!" the woman said with and British accent. "You know perfectly well who I am."

"No I don't...wait, you're that Tomb Raider model...Rhona something...Mitra? Right?" Angelina said recognizing the other woman at last.


"But that doesn't explain why I'M here?"

"You're here because I want you here," Rhona replied, taking a few steps closer. "Because I want ..." she smiled wickedly,"... to beat the crap out of you!"

"What? Why?" Angelina said confused.

"Because you took the role that was rightfully mine, the role Lara Croft!"

"As I understood it," Angelina said nervously. "You have no one to blame but yourself. I heard tha..."

"Shut up already! I don't want to hear what you think." Rhona walked next to Angelina in front of the mirror.

"We both know *I* look far better in this," Rhona said displaying her body.

Angelina looked at the reflection and, to her dismay, Rhona's physique *was* more impressive. Beauty is naturally in the eye of the beholder, but she had to admit that Rhona had a beautiful face...and a well-proportioned, athletic body that put her own body to shame. Next to Rhona Angelina felt skinny. She didn't say it of course, she didn't even want to admit it to herself...but on some level she thought that Rhona did look more like Lara Croft.

Rhona chuckled, "I can see it in your look that you agree. Good, you're not as stupid as I thought. Now we can proceed to the next phase...where I kick your ass!"

"You? Kick my ass?" Angelina said, "Have you forgotten who I am?"

"I know exactly who you are...You're nothing but an overrated skinny woman-" Jolie had heard enough and charged before Rhona had finished her sentence.

Unfortunately for Angelina, Rhona was ready. She easily blocks or dodges Jolie's initial flurry of punches. "You're not Lara Croft," she chides. "You're just Angelina Jolie!"

"And that's more than enough," Jolie retorts being a bit concerned about the situation. After a few misses she finally manages to hit her opponent. Her fist hits Rhona's chest knocking her opponent back a step. Before Rhona can recover a blow hits her washboard abdomen. And another. And another.

"I underestimated you," Rhona grunted and managed to push the other woman back, "You are stronger than you look." Holding her midriff she moved back and tried to keep her distance, she needed a moment to recover from the barrage.

Angelina grinned, "Then why are you avoiding me? Come on, fight!" Her initial concern had completely disappeared - she had Rhona obviously on the ropes. She could even see a tear in Rhona's left eye.

Angelina advanced, already imagining what she would do to her beautiful opponent after the fight. She threw a blow - that was blocked; she tried to knee Rhona - but missed. Just then she saw the look on Rhona's face, the grin...and then came the blow!

Rhona threw only one punch. But that one blow had probably more power in it than all of Angelina's combined. As Rhona's fist sunk into her opponent's flat stomach Angelina doubled over and was thrown several steps back. Angelina landed on her butt and immediately curled into a ball - wailing!

"Pitiful. Just pitiful!" Rhona said, "Why they chose a wimp like you to portray the ultimate female action heroine I can never understand," Rhona said and pulled Angelina up on her feet from her hair. Jolie had no fight left and dangled helplessly as her feet could not support her weight.

Rhona flexed her free arm inches away from Angelina's nose. The well-defined muscles would normally have impressed Angelina but she was too afraid and in too much pain to really know what was going on. Rhona was disappointed, she had wanted to impress Jolie with her power and prowess over time...she hadn't intended it to end this fast. She cursed that she had overreacted to Jolie's punches.

SLAP! Rhona slapped Angelina's face with her free hand, "I'm a better actress!"

SLAP! "I have a real British accent!"

SLAP! "I have a better body!"

SLAP! "I'm stronger, fitter...BETTER," SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!

"I'm a better Lara Croft!" SLAP!!

Rhona dumped her uncontrollably crying opponent on the sofa. "I'm done with you!" She looked for a moment at Angelina and had to admit that the woman had a certain appeal..."No," she thought, "my lovers must be tougher than that." She turned around and walked towards the door, then said without turning around, "Oh don't go anywhere. A couple of my friends want to have a word with you!"

In the adjacent room, as Rhona passed Nell MacAndrew and Jill de Jong she muttered, "OK, she's all yours!"