2004 Fourth of July Fireworks: Avril Lavigne (5'2", 19 y/o) vs. Britney Spears (5'4" 22 y/o) by RR3

The following took place at P Diddy's July 4th Party. To increase record sales, these two competitive white pop singers had to take things to the next level in order to attract a new, hipper, more urban (and better spending) audience. They hoped to cash in with a cross-over hit with the large market of "urban" rap fans but in order to do that, they'd have to do a rap duet with a bad Black gangsta boy from the hood of rap master P Diddy....and the badder the better! At P Diddy's private and personal July 4th party, Britney and Avril made surprise appearances, each vying for that precious first opportunity.

Britney arrived wearing the same outfit she wore on the cover of Esquire Magazine's November 2003 edition consisting of a short white sweater dress that could barely contain her ample ass, sheer pantyhose which enhanced every curve of her well defined dancer's legs, and white high-heels. She looked absolutely gorgeous with pink lipstick and her make-up done to perfection.

Avril, the Canadian cutie, arrived a little later, intent on spoiling patriotic Britney's 'Independence Day' celebration. She’d chosen a post-punk little black dress, black pantyhose and black heels but she also wore her traditional tie, this one a red and white striped affair. She also wore lots of bright red lipstick, and plenty of her traditional black eye-liner and mascara to complete her cute little raccoon-eyed look.

P Diddy invited both girls back to his crib to discuss things further, saying he had to pick one of the two eager young white chicks to do a demo duet with his newest bad boy rapper, Gang Banger Big Nasty B who was fresh from serving time for a felony and he had some thinking to do. P Diddy liked the look of both girls, and even Gang Banger Big Nasty B was having a tough time deciding between the two white chicks who were natural rivals, with Avril Lavigne being known as the "anti-Britney."

As Avril recently told Elle Girl, "Today, I rejected some gorgeous publicity shots because they just didn't look like me. I won't wear skanky clothes that show off my booty, my belly, or my boobs. I have a great body, I could be Britney; hell, I could be BETTER than Britney!"

The slender little skater-girl from Canada packed plenty of cocky attitude, and she wasn’t afraid to speaking her mind, eventually calling Britney a ‘slut’ to her face.

"Don't you dare diss me!" Britney snapped at the insolent Canadian upstart "It's the 4th of July!"

"Don't mess with me Barbie Doll!" toughie Canadian chick Avril sneered at the Yank. "It's not MY July 4th."

"Then go back to Canada and freeze that tight little bitch ass of yours!" Britney blasted back.

Avril simply rolled her eyes as she looked a P Diddy, then turned and slapped Britney across her pretty face. SMACK!

Britney lashed back, catching the little pepper-pot princess by her trademark tie and yanking it off. The homeboys didn't know what to expect as the fight erupted before P Diddy and his homies with manic madness. The American patriot ripped, gripped and twisted the compact upstart bratty brunette party-pooper in a headlock.

Avril struggled just to maintain her balance, desperately fighting back trying to defend herself. Britney struggled harder to control her squirming foe, bringing her bigger dance floor strength to bear on the battle. But athletic dance training is only a part of catfighting and both girls tried other things too - like slapping, pulling hair, and yanking clothing out of place as they young celebrity ‘pop tarts’ stayed focused on the fight.

As they rolled and thrashed on the carpet, both short dresses rode up high as they tangled on the plush; this was no time for modesty! The cheering crowd could see right up to “there” as the young upstarts wrestled in a hot, tight, clinging embrace with their exquisite nylon clad legs entwined and hissing like angry snakes. It was pantyhose pandemonium, but the protective reinforced crotch panels kept the girls ‘goodies’ hidden from view when it counted most and protected them from prying fingers when necessary - although the aroused and excited crowd surrounding them cheered wildly at every possibility of a ‘sighting.’

In the strain of the struggle the young pop singers firm young breasts flattened together; their silky hips grinding in furious excitement and their pubic mounds brushing, thrusting and occassionally humping in the heat of the struggle without conscious recognition of the sensual effect it was having on the gaping on-lookers who cheered lustily as the young celebrities slammed each other back and forth in a topsy-turvy tangle as they tumbled back and forth on the carpet.

Suddenly, Gang Banger Big Nasty B felt inspiration and busted this rhyme:

"Yo mama!
Dey came to blows
in dey pantyhose,
two white honky ho's . . .
. . . right thur, right thur!"

As if in rhythm to his deep bass voice, in a display of her sinewy strength, Avril slithered her body around and into a bear hug, locking her hands in front as her sinewy forearms crushed Britney's big silicone breasts, causing the blonde to squeal in pain. The Canadian cutie was tenuously atop Britney who bucked and thrashed her legs as she tried to wriggle her way free, but Avril showed her slender body’s strength by slamming Britney back to the floor. Britney raged in anger, swearing revenge, but Avril defended and drove her down over and over. Britney had never fought such a tough little wildcat before, and Avril was proving to be one tough punk indeed!!

Having furthered her education by studying video tapes of Linda Evans beating up Joan Collins on ‘Dynasty,’ Britney recalled the deleterious effect on Joan the time Linda had ripped apart Joan’s expensive designer dress. Putting her ‘education’ to good use, raunchy Britney really ripped into things as she grabbed the bodice and tore the plucky Canadian cutie’s garment apart down both seams.

As if in response to the Elle Girl Magazine article, Britney decided to ‘see for herself’ if Avril’s boast had merit as she deliberately defrocked her rival. RIIIIIPPPPP!! There was a hushed silence, then a loud roar. Avril was almost certainly deeply demoralized, and sorely humiliated, at having her dress shorn by Britney, but the show was only beginning!

Avril's little lady berries barely bulged the A cups of her tiny black bra, but Britney refused to let up, pouncing on her reeling underwear clad adversary and catching her by one bra strap. SNAAP! Utter pandemonium ensued when Avril’s bra busted and her pert little puppies popped free, proving to any remaining doubters that Avril was so very NOT going to rival big-boobed Britney in the taa-taa department!

Avril's bouncing babys were small in size, but firm and round and still quite nice to behold. Her face a bright crimson, Avril tried desperately to hide her tiny tits, crossing her arms across her chest. Denied the pleasure of punishing puppies, Britney just naturally did the next best thing; she delved down deep and dug in dirty, grabbing onto Avril's crotch where she probed and fisted searching for weakness in Avril’s pantyhose.

Poor Lavigne was being horribly humiliated, but the patriotic homies were now all cheering loudly for America's Britney who, with her turn of advantage, had taken on the mantle of fan favorite. As the devastated Canadian tried to spin and squirm free of Britney’s clutching hands, the blonde caught Avril by the waistband on her pantyhose and pulled her over backward, dropping her and setting her up for more humiliation!!

Despite Avril's desperate frantic, and at time mindless, squirming resistance, once Britney smelled blood she went ballistic. She just came on stronger and stronger and in this fine fight to the finish, the furious American fighting femme fired a fusillade of fists into her fumbling foe. A deliciously delivered backhand popped the cowering Canadian cutie flush in the face, leaving her reeling back on her haunches, her crossed eyes filled with dazzling stars and stripes! In a flurry of face flogging, Britney's victory was sealed by a solid smash to the point of Avril’s jutting jaw that dropped the dumb-struck Canadian cutie flat on her back, spread-eagled patriotically, down and O-U-T!!

Britney packed a pretty punch, and she beautifully bitch-slapped the once proud skater-girl for the better. Britney had a talent Avril just couldn’t match; beating a woman down to the carpet like a wet noodle. With fluid grace and apparent ease, Britney slid into perfect position perched on her frantic foe's flattened face, farting in fine feminine form; sending waves of fetid snatch gas that overwhelmed and disoriented the trapped skater girl as Britney force-fed her fast-fading foe a face full of her famous fanny.

For several degrading moments the humiliated Avri’s face was buried deep in Britney's ample American ass until Avril's excessive mascara, eye-liner, and lipstick were melted and smeared away, blending with the dampness that soaked through Britney's scrubbing nylons to create a mess of red-black love-juice which made a mess of Britney's pantyhose, and of course Avril's face, in the process. It was arguably THE most devastating finishing move in all of women's catfighting; a jubilant winner smearing and smothering the humiliated loser into total submission.

Britney had truly creamed Avril and in doing so, a proud patriotic Britney showed P Diddy and his homeboys an old trick her friend Madonna had once used on one of her former rivals. Reaching back, Britney caught helpless Avril by the ankles and pulled her legs up and over into a perfect leg spread until the strain on Avril's spreading thighs proved just too much for her stockings which began to tear under the stress.

RIIIIPPPPPP!! A gaping hole began to spread from the crotch of her pantyhose as they split down the center seam like a cheap pair of pants. This special sight caused the crowd to gasp and even Gang Banger Big Nasty B found himself at a loss for words. This ‘I’m no Britney’, upright, prim and proper, stuck-up, better-than-you, Canadian girl wasn’t wearing panties! Fight over! America's sweetheart Britney had turned Avril from a post-punk skater-girl into a main street stripper in near record time, shutting the saucy little skater skank up for good!!

"Ohhhh P Diddy!" a gushing Britney moaned with hot passion as she ground herself to a soul-satisfying climax on Avril’s red face. "You are MY daddy tonight! Let's get married right now!"

It was July 4th and Britney was out to lose control. Ooops, she did it again! Of course as soon as Britney’s Momma found out about it, the marriage was quickly and quietly annulled - lasting less than 24 hours all told. As a result, Britney’s reputation for spur-of-the-moment foolishness increased another tenfold as did her ‘bad girl’ marketability to ‘da urban yute!’

Meanwhile, Gang Banger Big Nasty B decided humiliated loser Avril’s ‘breakout’ performance had earned her a 'demo duet’ with himself and one of his homeboys as the two disgusting pigs turned blushing young Avril into a messy Oreo cookie - and you kin bet he be rappin' 'bout dat later! Word!