Honey West (Anne Francis, 5'8”) vs. Emma Peel (Diana Rigg, 5'9") by Tank

Part 1 - The Premise.

One of them was telling the truth; the other lying through her teeth. There were no two ways about it and there was no in- between. There were facts no one could deny.

One day in late 1966, Sam Bolt and John Steed dropped their partners off at the beach around noon and arranged to pick them up at 5:00. Honey was wearing a white bikini and Emma a black. The four knew of Sam's infatuation with Emma and his constant lauding of her finally got under Honey's skin. Her subsequent playing up to Steed was perceived by Emma as sheer spite and resulted in catty remarks and sexual innuendo between the two karate chopping beauties.

When Honey planned the couple's last day together before Steed and Emma's return to London, it entailed the sexy green eyed blond being alone with Emma on a secluded beach "...to soak up some sun before poor Emma has to return to foggy, dreary London."

Steed suggested the four have lunch and a couple of drinks, but the auburn-haired Brit beauty preferred Honey's plan, insisting that she and Honey wanted to, "…be alone so we can have a nice chat."

No one could deny anything up till then. But when Honey and Emma made separate calls to their partners to be picked up at different locations, Sam and Steed were made intensely aware that the following episode had occurred between them:

1)Honey and Emma alone on a secluded beach had engaged in a savage all out catfight.

2)One woman took control of the other and proved the other's worst nightmare as the afternoon progressed

3)One of the two women finally managed to escape from the other and spent the late afternoon hiding from her before finding a phone and calling for a ride.

4) Both women later convinced their partners that THEY were the dominant woman.

As Sam picked up Honey and Steed returned for Emma, both ladies told their stories. Sam took Honey home and Steed drove Emma back to their hotel to prepare for their flight back to London. Both women seemed convincing. Both were women of integrity and neither was known to lie. But each would have a strong motive to lie since her partner's knowledge of who REALLY won would have been too humiliating for the loser to bear! Since the four of them would most likely not be seeing or talking to each other again, the loser was confident she could get away with lying about the outcome.

So you can decide who was lying and who was telling the truth, here are both accounts. Honey is at home explaining her version to Sam and Emma is in her hotel suite with Steed - both women still wearing their bikinis…
Part 2 - Honey's Version

Sam: "So what happened, Honey?"

Honey "She started it, Sam. We were walking along the beach and I was trying to be nice to her, to put the bad vibes behind us. But she kept making sarcastic remarks...about L.A., how everything is better in London. Then she started to get personal. You know that wry smile she has? Like she's so clever....well, she started in so many words to put down the agency. You know I inherited my Private Eye company from my father, Sam. She wanted a fight and I gave it to her.

Sam "Then what happened?"

Honey: "I told her to shut her mouth or I'll kick her ass! I admit I pushed her. But by then a fight was inevitable. We put our hands up and began to strike each other." Honey took a sip of wine and continued as Sam leaned over, riding on his lovely blond partner's every word.

"We went back and forth for a couple of minutes. I was trying too hard at first to knock her out with every chop and kick I delivered. She was able to elude my hardest blows. But when we would come together in an exchange, I noticed she was the one who would back up. I hit harder than she did and my karate chops and kicks were straighter and more accurate than hers. She would land chops and kicks but I hardly felt them, Sam. She's not very strong. Then during one vicious exchange, I kicked her in her belly as she lunged in and she doubled over in pain. I could see I had her hurt. I began to punish her with chops to her head and straight kicks to her belly. I could see fear in her eyes. She realised she wasn't hurting me in return and she began to get desperate. She moved in and that's when I judo flipped her over my shoulder onto the sand.

Sam "Sounds like the beginning of the end for her."

Honey: "Her bra strap was loose from my chops. I jumped on top of her and tore it off. I was imposing my body on hers and felt her struggling beneath me. But the only offense she could muster was to tear off my bra in return. She was laughable, Sam! I thought, "Okay baby, you want to tear at my new bikini? You want me bare breasted too? No problem! She was swinging wildly so I grabbed her undeveloped biceps with my hands and forced her arms to the sand. I raised my upper body as I controlled her legs with mine. We were both perspiring as I gazed down on her perky little bare breasts. I watched a bead of sweat stream down her right breast, then......BAMM! I slammed my....excuse the expression, Sam, I slammed my ripe grape fruits onto her sweet, little plums!"

Sam: "You don't have to be so graphic, Honey! So...uh, what happened after you slammed your uh...ripe grapefruits down onto her cute little plums?"

Honey: "I began to inhale and exhale deeply, my large, full breasts pressing into hers and dominating them. She would grunt and moan and try to buck me off of her but I remained in control. I felt so much stronger than her.

Sam: "Did you feel her little nipples as you exhaled? I mean..... I'll bet she felt yours!" Sam was getting aroused. Honey laughed, then took another sip of wine.

Honey: "I did feel them, now that I think of it, but just barely. I pressed my thighs into hers and had her totally under control. She began to turn pale and then she started to complain she couldn't breathe. "Please, Honey....I can't breathe!" she would stutter and moan. I released her left arm and began slapping her face. I could see she was teary eyed.

Sam: "Did she submit?"

Honey: "She was about to. She knew she was helpless. But suddenly I heard something and looked behind me. A young couple was walking across the beach about fifty feet in back of us. I didn't want to be interrupted for the world. But I was concerned they might be curious and walk toward us to break it up. I lifted my upper body and we were perspiring so much by that time, I felt like our breasts were stuck together. I pushed her back down by her breasts with my hand. Then I released her other arm to smile and wave to the couple as if to convey that we were just having a friendly play fight. I relaxed and suddenly she was able to buck me off of her. She got up, grabbed her bra, and started running down the beach. If she wasn't so prudish about keeping her bra, I never would have caught her. But I finally tackled her to the sand. She tried to escape but I grabbed her by her bottom and pulled her thin body close to mine. She was kicking and screaming and begging me not to hurt her. Do you know what I did next, Sam?"

Sam: "What?" He was all ears.

Honey: "After beating her up some more, I pulled her black bottom down below her ass and spanked her silly!" Honey chuckled. She gulped down more wine and crossed her shapely legs. "I said, 'Emma Darling, have you had enough?' She cried, 'YESSSSS.....Please Honey, no more!' When I finally let her go, she struggled to her feet. I stalked toward her and began slapping her face all the way down the beach. 'Are you enjoying your stay in L.A., Emma?' I taunted her.

Sam: "You can be very mean, Honey."

Honey: "She deserved it, Sam. I tripped her to the sand. She got to her knees and looked up at me. I don't know what got into her but she stood up and attacked me. I thought she was finished and was a bit surprised she had such fight left in her."

Sam: "I got the impression Emma was a real tigress!" Honey frowned and appeared irritated by his comment.

Honey: "Oh, I quickly turned her into a pussycat, Sam. A swift knee to her groin and she was back on her knees heaving in pain. I fell to my knees next to her and began slapping her face again. She burst out crying like a schoolgirl!" Honey snickered as her eyes met Sam's. In any other circumstance, she would be gracious in victory. But in just a week's time, the two women had come to see each other as their all time definitive rival. Their triumphs of the past, impressive as they were, meant little to them in comparison to defeating each other.

Sam: "Wow, Honey, You really humiliated her! I wish I was there!"

Honey: "So do I, Sam,...and Steed as well. But it had to be handled alone."

Sam: "I understand. So you were both bare breasted on your knees and you just slapped her till she burst out crying? What happened next?"

Honey: "I stood up and put my hands on my hips and you know what she does?"

Sam: "What?"

Honey: "The English Rose reaches out and grabs my bikini bottom. I thought, 'that's it!' I grabbed her arms and twisted them behind her back. She was begging me to let her go again. I said, 'Emma, you must enjoy being punished!' I grabbed her hair, pulled her to her feet, and got her into a bear hug. Her thin legs were trembling as I lifted her onto her toes. Then I began taunting her. She started to beg me not to tell Steed about my domination of her but she was stuttering and gasping so much, I could barely understand her. When I pressed my bigger breasts into her sweaty little pair again, she began drooling on my shoulder. What a pussycat she was, Sam! I finally let her go and she fell to her knees again. I walked away as she slowly struggled to her feet. She staggered away sobbing. I sat down to rest awhile, then I went after her again to resume my fun.

"I was amused to notice poor Emma had to take her bra with her again as she scurried down the beach. Unlike myself, Sam, she seemed embarrassed to be topless. I stopped for a moment and looked behind me where our battle had taken place and from where I had chased her. I recalled how decisively I defeated her and how frightened she was of me. Then I turned away and hurried forward to find her. I gave her a good head start in the little game I was playing with her. I went looking for her prepared to deal her another beating. But she was nowhere to be found. She was hiding from me and probably walked into town. I then came upon a phone booth from where she must have called Steed before she hid from me. I called you from there and stayed put until you arrived."

Sam: " Yes, Honey. I picked you up there and took you straight home. Steed told me Emma didn't sound hurt or stressed out or anything. Of course, neither did you when you called me."

Honey: "She had plenty of time to regain her poise and recover from her beating before Steed got there." Honey smiled and twitched at her white bra. "But something tells me she has too much pride to tell Steed what REALLY happened. But it's not important. The important thing is that YOU know the truth, Sam. I dealt the great Emma Peel the beating of her life!"

Sam: "I believe you, Honey. Much as I liked Emma, I always knew you could make a pussycat out of her." They lifted their wine glasses and had a toast to Honey's victory.
Part 3 - Emma's Version

Steed: "So you got into a fight with Honey? How unfortunate!"

Emma: "Unfortunate for her, Steed. I really didn't want to fight. We were walking along the beach and I was describing some of the differences between Los Angeles and London. She agreed with me that we live in two different worlds. When we began to discuss some of the contrasts between a local American private eye and an international British agent, she took exception even though I thought I was being gracious."

Steed: "You always are, Emma."

Emma: "Then out of the blue she accuses me of trying to steal Sam from her. Imagine!" Emma chuckles.

Steed: "Ridiculous!"

Emma: "Suddenly, she pushes me and the fight was on. She came at me with everything she had. She was grunting as she kicked and chopped at my face and body. I used my quickness and skill to elude her blows and struck back with my own. It went back and forth. Her kicks and karate chops are straight and hard but she underestimated my defense and counter punching. I began hurting her with chops to her neck as she moved in recklessly. She realized I was faster than she was and began lunging toward me to get inside my defense."

Steed: "My impression was your skill level was greater than hers. Your training as a British agent I'm sure was far more intense and comprehensive than hers."

Emma: "I began hitting her at will and after striking her with a kick to her ribs, she staggered backwards. Then I got careless, Steed. I rushed in for the kill and found myself flipped over her shoulder onto the sand. She jumped on me and for some reason yanked off my bra. So I yanked off hers. She fell on top of me and pressed her breasts into mine. I was wondering what she was trying to do. I maneuvered my legs as I began to force her off of me and snapped my knee into her groin. She moaned loudly. I got to my knees and landed stiff chops to her face and neck. She fell to the sand on her back. I pounced on her as she struggled and wrapped my knees around her head. I asked her if she wanted to quit. To her credit, Steed, she began hitting me in the face and almost managed to force me off of her."

Steed: "Sounds like a very tough woman, Emma."

Emma: "That she was." Emma smiled as she continued. "I said, 'Alright, Honey, Now I must hurt you'. I dug my knees into her head from both sides. I lifted my butt off of her and leaned forward to avoid her kicks to my back. My panties were covering her mouth as I sandwiched her head with my knees. I watched tears begin to stream down her cheeks. "Have you had enough, Honey?" I asked. I really didn't want to hurt her any more, Steed. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a young man and woman walking behind us, perhaps sixty feet away. I lost my focus and she quickly punched me in the stomach. She was finally able to force me off of her. She got to her feet as I got to mine. I could tell by her eyes she didn't want to fight anymore. She looked at the young couple who had stopped to watch and they recognised her. The young lady yelled, "Honey, is that you? Are you alright?" She had too much pride to admit she was being bested, Steed. I mean, here we were topless on a secluded beach and she was really embarrassed to be losing in front of two young people who most certainly looked up to her. She motioned them to leave and told them she was just training me in self defense, that everything was fine. As they waved and walked away, the young man shouted, "She sure catches on fast, Honey!" I broke up laughing which really got under her skin. She attacked and I grabbed her hands with mine and began swinging her around. We went round and round before I let her go and she went sprawling on her back. Then I grabbed her right ankle, lifted her leg, and began to twist it while my foot pressed down on her butt. I kept twisting her leg in all directions. She finally yelled out, "Enough, no more!" I released her and she put her hands over her eyes and began weeping like a child."

Steed: "Owww, Emma, I can feel her pain. So you walked away and called me?"

Emma: "Not quite, Steed. I slid next to her to console her in her defeat. I even helped her up. Both of us were sweating and bare breasted as we stood facing each other. I thought it was over and began drying her tears with my fingers. After all, the plan was to pick us up together and I was willing to kiss and make up to end things on a good note."

Steed: "So what happened?"

Emma: "Out of nowhere, she chops me in my neck and I stumble backwards. She put her hands up and the fight was on again. We blocked each other's kicks and punches. Then as we were fighting in close she reaches out and bear hugs me. For some reason she felt her bigger breasts were some sort of weapon she could take advantage of." Emma smiled broadly. "I thought, enough of this' as we squeezed each other tightly. She wasn't hurting me at all. In fact, I think she was getting the worst of it. She tried to knee me. I blocked it and kneed her in return in her groin. She let out a shriek and crumpled to the sand. Had enough, Honey? I asked. I thought it was over for sure. I stood over her with my hands on my hips as she got to her knees. She asked me to help her up. When I did so, she swung at my face. I was ready for her this time. I blocked it and executed an arm lock as I slipped behind her. She was helpless and grunting. She reached for my panties and began to pull them below my waist. I released her to tend to my panties when she elbowed me and scurried away down the beach. I pulled up my panties and ran after her!" Emma had fire in her eyes as she explained.

Steed: "That was a very naughty thing for her to do, Emma. But why didn't you just let her go?"

Emma "I was livid, Steed! I chased her down the beach and finally caught her. I tackled her to the sand. As she struggled to free herself, I wrapped my legs around her breasts and began to squeeze. She was heaving and began crying again. Then she pleaded for me to let her go. She said she couldn't breath. I flexed my thigh muscles around her bare breasts. I was so angry, Steed, I didn't release her until she begged me to. "Pleasssse Emma....I give....please let me go...I can't breathe!" She was heaving and gasping as she pleaded. I told her pulling down my panties was a very naughty thing to do. I released her and yanked her over my lap. Then I proceeded to spank her. WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!" Emma lifted her right hand and went through the motions.

Steed: "My goodness!"

Emma: "When I finally stopped, I told her I'm giving her ten minutes to get out of my sight. Then I'm going to come looking for her. She slowly got to her feet and very gingerly made her way down the beach rubbing her sore breasts and butt. She went in the direction where we were fighting and I saw her bend down to retrieve her bra. In precisely ten minutes I left to find her, stopping to pick up my bra. After I put it back on, I continued after her but she was nowhere to be found."

Steed: "It must have been at that time she called Sam for a ride."

Emma: "There were a few phone booths and a restaurant not too far from the beach which I noticed when we first got there. She must have called Sam to pick her up. I then called you and waited until you arrived."

Steed: "Quite an afternoon, Emma. Poor Honey! I hope she's doing better. Shall we indulge in a bit of champagne before we prepare for our flight?"

Emma: "A splendid idea, Steed!" Emma smiled as her partner cracked open the bubbly.
(Tank: This was a clumsy attempt to placate friends on the board who prefer Emma defeated as well as those who prefer her victorious. Everyone is acting out of character - even more than usual. To those interested in who is lying: it's easily found out. She flatly contradicts herself during her narrative. Something is not missing which should be if she is telling the truth. The vanquished beauty was obviously a bit scatterbrained after her beating and was unable to realize her blunder. Her partner sees through her story but decides to keep it to himself.)

Solution (by "XXX"): Is it the white bra that is not missing? Honey also seems to contradict your setup:

3)One of the two women finally managed to escape from the other and spent the late afternoon hiding from her before finding a phone and calling for a ride.

I then came upon a phone booth from which she must have called Steed before she hid from me.

Nice job, as usual, Tank and Emma. And to Honey for being a very sexy victim.

(Tank: If Honey was telling the truth, her large white bra would still be lying on the beach. Nice work, XXX!)

Honey reveals she is bare breasted as she looks back at the location of the fight where her bra was ripped off. She proceeds forward to go after Emma. She never went back to retrieve it. When she calls for a ride, she tells Sam she "stays put" until he arrives and is driven straight home. At home, she "twitches at her bra" which should be missing. Was not going to reveal this unless found out. Sorry Honey fans, but Emma was telling the truth.