The Perils of Jessica! (A compilation of Jessica Simpson's Adventures)
Part One: Jessica Simpson vs. Alyssa Milano
by DaKid

"Cut!" snapped the director. The crew stopped, but Nick and Alyssa didn't. Their kiss kept going until, finally the gaffer threw a glove at them. Nick looked at Alyssa with weak knees and long rod trying hard to break thru the top of his pants.

"I told you last night on the phone I'd give you a instant hard-on with just one kiss; now I'm telling you that I have a tighter pussy than Jessica!" Alyssa purred in Nick's ear.

"LUNCH EVERYBODY. Back in 45!" barked the production manager.

"I want some of that tight snapper for lunch; my trailer or yours?" laughed Nick.

"Baby I'm so wet you need to pump me with cum right now! I can't wait to ride the pony 'til I totally freak!" groaned Alyssa, rubbing her tight snatch thru her dripping wet panties.

Nick scooped her into his arm and almost leaped across the set, out the back door to the sound stage and over to the back door of what he thought was HER trailer. He kissed Alyssa passionately while the embraced on the top step. She yanked on his belt and pulled his pants down. He pulled her up onto his hips as they both fell thru the back door into HIS trailer.

"You fucking two-bit punk-ass bitch! You want to fuck MY man you better be willing to dance with me first!" shrieked Jessica as she dragged Alyssa off of Nick and whipped a wicked right cross to her face just below her left eye.

"Honey; baby! W...what're you doing?" Nick pleaded as he watched Jessica hair-haul Alyssa off the floor..

"Nicky," Jessica growled. "Your cock...all 9 and a half inches of it, belongs to ME. But…IF this bitch beats me, I'll gladly let you to fuck her all weekend!" Jessica retorted, ignoring Alyssa.

BAP-BAP-BYAMMM! Alyssa pushed two snappy left jabs at Jessica's nose, then a vicious right that crashed into the point of Jessica's jaw. She was rocked back, reeling but not too badly hurt to stay upright.

Jessica laughed, "That all you got?" She waved her right fist for just a second and Alyssa's eyes went right toward Jessica's right fist.

BA-WHANGGG! Jessica's left traveled in a tight arcing path before it crashed into the other side of Alyssa's face. The brunette was packed and racked as they say - out cold on her feet. She fell like a puppet who'd had her strings cut, dropping on her ass tilted back against the wall of the trailer.

"Nicky, get the camera!" Jessica commanded as she hiked up her mini-skirt and straddled Alyssa's face. She turned to Nick and popped a left arm bicep pose as Nick's flash exploded. Nick watched the Polaroid slowly reveal the next to last chapter of the story as Jessica's lips pushed down the entire length of his rock-hard enterprise. He was amazed. Jessica took the last 1/20 of an inch into her mouth and pushed her lips of the bottom of his love root.

"Wow baby, I've gotta get you into fights more often!" he moaned.

Jessica twisted her head, pulled back and then dove her lips down his shaft again to punctuate her total victory. She then slowly pulled her lips off of him and preened, "Bring'em on. You know I love to fight and fuck, baby!"

"Now that's my wife!" Nick gushed. Then he started wondering if Britney had been serious in the emails they’d exchanged two nights ago in which she offered to do “whatever it takes” to get a piece of his “hardwood.”!
Part Two: Jessica Simpson vs. Britney Spears
(modified from a longer story by Interac)

A few nights later, Jessica and Nick were in bed and she leaned over to murmur as he drifted half asleep, "What're you dreaming about, Lover?"

In a daze, he mumbled, "That Britney and Paris fight was really…"

Before he could even finish, Jessica screamed, "WHAT?!?!?"

"Oh shit!" Nick muttered, now fully awake as Jessica bounced out of the bed and as he looked over at her naked body, pulling on a silk bath robe. "What're you doing?"

"You want to daydream about the woman I hate most!" Jessica screamed. "Well, you can get your ass outta bed and take me to Britney's RIGHT NOW. If you want to see two women fight then me and Britney will fight for you!"

Nick’s hands shook with excitement as he hurriedly dressed.

Britney was on the phone and she was wearing only a bra and panties, "You find Lohan and tell her I want her! I don't care how we fight, boxing, wrestling; in front of people; alone. I don't care! I'm gonna beat her and beat her bad. Nobody is gonna stop me!"

Just then, the door bell rang. Brit hung up, grabbed a silk bathrobe on her way to the door and when she opened it, Jessica charged in and stormed into the hall, spun around and glared at the Pop Princess. Brit smiled. Jessica was someone who’d always annoyed her; the perfect antidote to what was ailing Britney at the moment.

"Come here and face me Britney!" Jessica screamed, pointing to a spot on the floor in front of her. "I'm going to show Nick you aren't half the woman I am."

"Jessica, you picked the wrong night to come to my house to pick a fight."

"Yeah really Britney? Well, I don't care! This's been going on too long!"

"Oh, I agree with that," Britney said. "And if you really want to end it tonight, I'm OK with that!"

Nick came in and looked at the two blonde singers standing barely a foot apart and glaring; hands on shapely hips, each waiting for the other to make the first move. Both were wearing silk 'shorty' robes that exposed their great legs. Both bulky chests heaved up and down with the excitement at the sight of the other; thoughts racing through their heads of how they'd make their rival suffer. Their blood finally boiled over and they started trading slaps. That went on for thirty seconds before both silk robes became loose and both woman's bodies were exposed to view! After another fifteen seconds of furious slapping, each grabbed the others hair!

CRUNCH! Jessica spun Britney around and rammed her back into the wall. BONK! "Wimp!" she said as she slammed Britney's head into the wall a second time.

Britney pushed off with her butt, propelling her forward and she slammed Jessica back against the opposite wall. Jessica let out a loud GRUNT as the wind was knocked out of her. Britney threw Jessica to the floor, but Jessica pulled Britney's robe off as she went down, dropping it on the floor behind her. Nick couldn't help smiling at the sight of Britney's sexy, muscular body and her perfect ass in a tiny red thong.

"And just who are you calling a wimp?" Britney hissed. "Look at you crawling away!" she hissed as Jessica scrambled on all fours. Britney grabbed Jessica's robe and pulled it down her back and off. She tossed it at the leering Lachey, but with her attention on Jessica’s husband, Jessica suddenly turned and leg whipped Britney, bouncing her on her butt.

Jessica jumped on Britney's back, grabbed the back of her bra and started ripping and twisting until it came off. Britney slammed her elbow back and smashed Jessica between the breasts, knocking her off of her. Jessica’s head CRACK, hit the wall hard when she landed on the floor and as she lay stunned, Britney pounced.....ripping off Jessica's bra to bare her amazing bosom!

Jessica wrapped her arm around Britney's head and rolled her over. As Jessica rolled up on top of Britney, she got a slap in. WHAP! Britney grabbed Jessica's hair and rolled her off of her....then they rolled and wriggled around on the floor with neither being able to maintain her position for more than a few seconds.

Nick was leaning on the wall, watching intently as his wife and fantasy rolled around; legs intertwined; sweaty breasts pressed together; slipping and sliding side-to-side as they rolled, then up-and-down as they bucked. Nick couldn't take his eyes off the erotic sight and he didn't even notice the two blondes were ripping handfuls of each others hair out; nails digging into the other's face, back and arms.

Eventually, they reached a stalemate as they were both on their sides; Jessica gripping Britney's right wrist with their arms stretched upward; their other hand buried in the blonde tresses of their adversary. Each was straining trying to throw a leg over the other to mount her, but neither could and instead they just locked legs, each hooking the back of the others knees and ankles. Their strong legs competed mightily but - even in her fight with Paris - Britney claimed her legs were best - but against Jessica, she didn't know if that would be the case!

Both women's legs were shaking and quivering until, slowly at first, but then more dramatically, Britney's legs began to overpower Jessica's trembling gams. Her teeth clenched, her lips drawn back in a grimace, Jessica fought back and slowly turned Britney so she was once more atop her rival. Jessica managed to grapevine Britney's legs and although Britney arched her back and bucked her hips, she couldn't get out of it!

Jessica grabbed the hand Britney had in her hair and slammed it down after wrestling briefly. She had Britney completely pinned and as Britney struggled to find a way out, Jessica slammed Britney's arms down over her head! Jessica's back arched upward, her pendulous breasts swaying just over Britney's flushed face - just far enough away Britney couldn't bite! Sdeat drops rolled down Jessica's breasts and fell from her hard nipples onto Britney's face which only infuriated her that much more.

Nick, leaning on the wall, adjusted his ‘package’ as he enjoyed the sight of his wife proving to Britney which of them was the stronger. Britney tried to power out again but she only got moved a little before Jessica slammed her back down again.

"Say it Britney!” Jessica demanded. “Admit I’m stronger, more talented and admit you lost - because you won't be getting out of this!!"

Britney turned her face to one side, then looked back up at Jessica, "OK, I'll admit..."

As soon as she felt Jessica's grip ease slightly, Britney used all the power she had to power her butt up off the floor and toss Jessica off of her. She landed on her elbows and knees, her butt in the air. When she looked up she saw Britney diving toward her! Britney slammed into Jessica and slammed her to the floor. Britney straddled Jessica and started slapping her face; her open palms whip-lashing back and forth, her knuckles cracking Jessica’s cheek on her backhand swipe.

"Like THIS Jessica? You shouldn't have come here tonight," Britney growled angrily as she grabbed Jessica' hair in one hand and started shoving Jessica's face into the carpet while her other hand grabbed, clamped down on one of Jessica's terrific tits! Jessica began screaming as Britney’s fist crushed her big breast.

Britney bent and hissed in Jessica's ear, "Your husband’s staring at ME, Jessi! He knows why you hate me so much; you want to BE me. He can’t keep his eyes off my ass! He’s wishing he could tap it the way he’s been dying to do your sorry butt!"

As she taunted her squirming rival, Britney was grinding her pussy on Jessica's ass. Jessica’s temper was boiling; not only was she being beaten - she was being humiliated by a woman she hated more than any other. In desperation, Jessica swung her elbow back into Britney’s shoulder, knocking her to one side. Jessica scrambled to her feet and dove at Britney, but she hit only the floor.


Britney had kept rolling and Jessica missed her, but now she spun around while Jessica tried to push herself up to her hands and knees, leaped and smashed a Double Ax-handle to Jessica's back that slammed her tits into the carpet.

"Oh God, this is, like, so easy!” Britney teased her panting rival. “Tell me, does THIS hurt?" Britney asked, as she raked both hands down Jessica's back, leaving eight parallel welts on the smooth, flawless, pale flesh.

“AIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!” Jessica wailed.

Britney clamped a Front Facelock on Jessica, trying to choke her out, but with Britney straddling her back, Jessica struggled to her hands and knees using her upper body strength and strong legs. She staggered to her feet, with Britney wrapping her legs around her waist and hanging on for dear life.

Jessica stumbled backward, driving Britney back into the wall. CRASH! Britney groaned and her legs lost their scissors. Jessica reached her fist up back over her shoulder, connecting solidly with Britney's cheek, then slammed Britney back into the wall again. Britney grunted and lost her grip on the Front Facelock.

Jessica whirled around and nailed a punch to Britney's belly, doubling her over. "NO,” Jessica grinned. “You tell ME, does THIS hurt?" She grabbed Britney's hair and started pounding the back of her head on the wall, hitting it harder and harder each time until she stopped after five and let Britney’s limp body drop. Then she grabbed her hair and lifted her back to her feet. "Guess what Britney; I beat you!" Jessica slapped Britney, forehand, then backhand. "And your face….well, how’s a FAT LIP sound, sweetie?"

Jessica reached back to deliver the coup d’grace, but as she started to clench her fist, Britney brought her knee up into Jessica's groin. “UNNNNNNH!” (gasp)

Britney grabbed the ashen-faced blond by the hair, straightened her up and then lowered her shoulder and drove full speed into Jessica, Spearing her. Jessica grunted and gasped for air as she hit the floor on her back with Britney on top. Britney was a woman on a mission - to hurt and punish Jessica Simpson. She nailed punches to Jessica's face and when Jessica covered up, Britney rose to Stomp her - five times - each to a different spot on Jessica's lush body.

Britney stomped down again, this time onto Jessica’s boob, but instead of lifting her foot, she ground her heel in as she smiled at Nick who was begging her to stop. Britney fondled and caressed her own boobs and was just about to say something when Jessica grabbed her ankle and wrenched it around, sending Britney toppling off her down on her ass! Jessica got to one knee and glared at Britney who had also risen to one knee.

"Don't you dare say a word to him!" Jessica hissed.

"What's the matter, afraid I might offer him something he wants…maybe even needs?" Britney teased.

Jessica screamed and threw herself at Britney who did the same thing. The impact of the two blondes slamming together knocked pictures off the mantel. Jessica grabbed Britney’s hair but Britney again drove a vicious Kneelift up between Jessica’s spread legs. When her kneecap SLAMMED into the blonde’s pubic bone, Jessica's mouth made an ‘o’ and her eyes filled with tears. Her knees buckled and as she began to fall, Britney grabbed a handful of her wild blond hair, pulled her upright, then hammered her fist into Jessica' s face BAP, BAP, nearly knocking her out!

Britney bent down, picked Jessica up and ran across the room, bodyslamming her upside down on the couch. Jessica landed with her legs draped over the back of the sofa with Britney on top of her. Jessica’s arms flailing wildly as Britney sat with her butt on her face as she straddled Jessica’s chest. Britney’s breasts were heaving and her stomach pumping in and out as she tried to catch her breath. Jessica’s bare breasts were rising and falling as she sobbed softly.

Britney looked over at Nick and winked, then spun around and sat on Jessica’s belly, bent over and slapped her breasts down onto Jessica's flushed face. Jessica frantically bicycled her legs in the air but Britney knew she had Jessica dead to rights! As she glanced over at Nick he knew it too!

"Please Britney, that’s enough!” Nick pleaded.

"No, I think she needs a little more," Britney grinned as she leaned back down and squeezed her elbows together, cutting off all air to the wilting little blond. Jessica was nearly out cold when Britney finally slackened the pressure and lifted up slightly. "You want me to stop?” Britney asked Nick. “I'll let her go is if YOU kiss my ass."

"I…I can't do that!" he whimpered, but when Britney clamped her tits on again, Jessica, who had been kicking and trying to buck free struggled briefly, then stopped struggling and lay still….she was out cold.

Britney realized it and let go, then sat up on Jessica's big breasts, crushing the pliant flesh under her tight ass!

"Either you kiss my ass Nick, or I won't stop!" Britney said. She clasped her hands overhead and WHAM slammed them down on Jessica's face, busting her nose and carving an eyebrow wide open.

"OK! OK!” he yelled. “Just, please, leave her alone."

Britney smiled and slapped Jessica awake, then turned around and Reverse Facesat her while Nick crawled over and pressed his lips to the beaming Britney’s behind.

He apologized to Jessica as Britney got up. Britney was happy. She’d humiliated Jessica and hadn’t felt so good in months. She looked over at Jessica who was slumped and sobbing uncontrollably in Nick’s arms. He picked her up and as he was carrying her to the door, Jessica looked at Britney and mouthed, "It’s not over!"

Britney just laughed, "Remember Jessie…exactly were your husbands lips were the next time he kisses you.”

Then to Nick she said, “Now get her the hell out before I REALLY make her sorry. And thanks for arranging this, it was a ball!"
Part Three: Jessica Simpson vs. Jennifer Love Hewitt

After her quick destruction of Alyssa Milano, Mr Lachey convinced his wife to become active in the Celebrity Fighting game. “There’s plenty of girls out there your size,” he told the ditzy blond. “And you know nothing makes me randier than watching YOU in action!”

Jess’s next fight was a much anticipated big-jug showdown with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Both girls have claimed they had “Juggs of Mass Destruction” and both would love to put their “babies” on the other’s face to prove their superiority.

"There's no question that’ll happen as soon as I stop her," says JLH confidently. "She’ll be smothered and I'm not apologizing for it!"

Simpson was equally adamant, "I told Jennifer over and over to stop cheapening “The Breast Smother” with her disappointing chest - I HAVE to knock her out so I can show her how it's really done!"

The fight would be fought under “Celebrity Boxing Rules” in front of a hundred or so high-rollers (with celebrity judges Paula Abdul, Nicollette Sheridan and Pam Grier). It was held a make-shift ring set up in a Hollywood high rise penthouse apartment. Jennifer in white string bikini and Jessica in pale pink bikini. During ring instructions, Simpson also wore a tan leather ‘cowgirl’ vest and fuzzy pink cowboy hat (one she’d been given by her ‘spiritual advisor’ Pam Anderson).

Round 1: Both girls swinging away lusty midring - Jessica's shorter, more compact delivery beating Jen to punches and HEWITT'S ROCKED! Clanging lefts and rights on the chin as Hewitt's caught flailing away wide - she stomps around in fence post holes, left hand cupped around Jessica's head for support - ring-around-the-rosy as Hewitt staggers for balance. Good recovery from Jen - she shakes off the hurt, tags Jessica a right uppercut, rakes her hooks and has blonde crouching forward into punishment. Simpson getting stroked, but taking it well - judges give Simpsy the round despite Hewitt's effective rally.

Round 2: Simpson barging forward, leaning into overhand rights, brawling hooks - she's just trying to get Hewitt ropeside for sustained drubbing. Jen sliding back, fitting Jessica for uppercuts - brunette's dukes up, bending at the knees, rolling Simpson right hands and answering back right uppies inside - pays off in the second minute. Jess missing over top - Jen rolling and scoring with a short, concessive right - Love puts Simpson wobbly butt and IMMEDIATELY tears up jug! Hewitt snarling, leaning in and lathering her mitts back and forth - POUNDING those hated double D's, frothing Simpsy groggy to ropes. Jen grunting as she hup-hups up in there - short, shrugging left and right uppercuts to jug, brunette crowding in with her body to smother receipts. All too much for Simpson - bullied, pancaked and oppressed, she falls off to the side and droops to all fours, panting in shock. HEWITT HAMMERS JESSICA'S BACK, beating hammer-blows on Jessica's spine like a spoiled little girl throwing a tantrum - poor Simpsy sobbing in protest as Ref reacts a few heartbeats too late.

Round 3: Jennifer flat-footed, meeting Simpson strong for all engagements - brunette jabbing to pre-empt, then turning into short hooks as girls fall together. Simpsy doing her best work when they're temple-to-temple - she's got such a short, powerful delivery, all hips and shoulders - just pounding away to ribs beneath the breastline, backing Hewitt up. Jen creating distance with a nifty shoulder bump, sidestep routine - finding angles off Jessica's left shoulder from which to hook or chop hatchet rights to blonde ear/jaw.

Round 4: Jennifer keeps chiseling away - she's looking to punch, but using just enough jab and pivoting footwork to keep Simpson from planting and ripping. Hewitt anchoring her left heel in the canvas and hooking hard as she pivots on it - Simpson's chin bearing the brunt of it, she's startled, wobbly butt - but every time Jennifer tries to crowd 'n' slug, Simpson outworks her tidy. Pleasing back and forth - Simpson hurt this round but rallying as Hewitt did earlier - brunette can't just have her way.

Round 5: Girls get to jug-mugging in earnest, laying in shoulder to shoulder, hooking each other raw. Hewitt cuter, sometimes pressing in with Jess, sometimes sliding the right foot back to coax Simpson forward, walking her onto the left uppercut. Hewitt mixing in chin with her jug, breaking Simpson down - Jess mindlessly clobbering away at the maddening cleft between Hewitt's monster melons. Jen's combination of brains and brawn carries the round - she's pivoting left, walking Jess into punches, tucking into rack just as fervently - she sends Simpson staggering, sniveling to her corner through five.

Round 6: Jennifer creating a little distance with her jab - she got the better of Jessica's breasts last round, now she wants to do a little face punching. Classy stuff - Hewitt spreading Jessica out, then turning on mean-spirited right crosses - pounding away cheek and chin on Simpson, then pivoting left as Jess tries to bull through it. Jessica unfazed, but guzzling an unconscionable amount of leather - corner screaming at her to move her head and get low as Hewitt claps away. Jennifer even leading with hooks late, pivoting left on that anchored heel - she's got Simpsy buffaloed through 6.

Round 7: Give Jessica credit - little blonde pug's eaten a lot of quality leather, apparently no worse for wear. Simpson trudging forward, catching on her face and hammering back - she's upsetting Hewitt's applecart with clubbing rights to the skull, sweeping hooks to jaw, backing brunette up in disarray to ropes. Jess burrowing in, squirming to press Hewitt up against the strands, then tearing it up with those short, side to side rights and lefts - Hewitt open-mouthed as the tidy rip takes effect. Jessica still amateurish on the outside, but much more professional in tight and working on a stationary vixen - she gets in there and digs, punishing the offending bikini top, wearing out Hewitt's ribs, draining Hewitt's legs. Jennifer swooning, tieing up around Jessica's elbows and head - strained look of discomfort on brunette face as Simpsy rides her hard to bell.

Round 8: Simpy bulling in - all those body shots paying dividends as Hewitt can't keep blonde off and can't stand her ground: Jessica able to put Jen's butt in ropes again. More beat down - Hewitt starting to cover up earmuff, drooping forward, giving away her waist and lats on the cheap: Simpsy starting to reef punches with jiggle-bodied abandon. Simpson plugging right hands in behind Jen's elbow with hollow, drumming impacts - ringsiders groaning, biting knuckles in anxiety as poor Jen sops it up. Hook not doing Jen any good either - Simpsy shifting her hips, arching her back and putting 'em tidy to hip and waist, curling the shot in flat, bringing fists back quick to reset. Rip-gouge-bump - Jessica just mauling Jennifer, grinding forehead with her, punishing the midsection and late the round: SIMPSY ROMPS TO RACK! Jessica getting on up underneath with short-shrugging left and right uppercuts, pounding the beef on Hewitt as Jennifer's slender legs threaten to give out. Happy smile Simpson: pounding Jennifer's jugs makes blonde feel all warm and good about herself.

Round 9: Ramshackle Hewitt open-mouthed, eyelashes fluttering: been a long time since she's been ridden this hard. Simpsy on in a reckless rush of blonde hair, pink bikini, tanned tummy - tackling Hewitt as brunette's turning away, pancaking her sideways to ropes. Simpsy leaning forward, left cheek wet against Jen's left shoulder-blade - mindless, blind punching to belly, back and rump - Jess using her shoulder and palms to stabilize, then churning away as Hewitt tries to squirm to a more squared up position. Jessica on top - palming Jennifer's biceps back, swinging away short lefts and rights to chin, helpless, throbbing jug meat - everything Jen's got is on sale and Jessica's feeling greedy! Rhapsodic punching from Jess - she's just on auto-jiggle, rubbing, bumping scrubbing away - Hewitt too weak to clinch, getting her torso thumped and her head smashed side to side. Jennifer out on her feet, left arm riding lazily on Jessica's shoulder as blonde treats herself to more and more Hewitt downstairs and THE REF STEPS IN! Good Lord - TKO9 Jessica Simpson!

Afterward: Jennifer all batting eyelashes, pouting lips as she swoons into the man's arms - Simpsy just taking and taking until only the empty husk of a brunette former champion was left. Jessica jumping for joy, getting hugged and petted in her corner as she keeps repeating her mantra, "My jugs stopped her jugs!" over and over. Soon as gloves are removed - Jessica jogs over to the Hewitt’s corner all smiles and swinging hooters. Hewitt aghast, still so battered and exhausted - from her stool she reaches to push against Jessica's oncoming belly, then up to her shoulders as Simpson reaches for Hewitt's hair, intent on pulling her into a Double D disaster!

Crowd starts chanting, "J-M-D! J-M-D!"

Simpsy grinning, working hard, inching Hewitt's head closer and closer - Jennifer straining, pushing, but as jugs approach she loses composure, sobbing aloud as the air-tight seal is finally affected. Grinning Simpsy hauling Jennifer to her feet with the tight reverse sleeper in place, slowly stepping backward as Hewitt struggles feebly against the grasp.

Jess settling her back into a neutral corner, contented smile as she rests her cheek on Jen's damp head, left arm brawny around Jen's neck, right hand cupped atop the skull - blonde purring with satisfaction as brunette's pushing, probing hands grow weak and distracted under the relentless crush. Finally, Jessica releases with a flourish, grinning widely as Jennifer swoons to her knees - brunette wiping wet lips and blinking, slooowly turning to crawl away.

"J-M-D! J-M-D!"

Jessica gloating, strolling alongside Jen, grinning blonde flicking curls behind her ear, snapping her trunks back into place - keeping a nice leisurely pace. Hewitt drowsy, numb - she looks like a desert wanderer crawling over the last dune, in search of that life-preserving oasis.

"J-M-D! J-M-D!"

Simpsy crouches down to kneel off Jennifer's left flank, splaying her right hand on Jennifer's tacky-damp back for support. Jess with a light gut wrench around Jen's body stops her forward crawl, gently easing brunette to a seat on her haunches - then Jessica kneels in front, weight on right knee, left knee up, left foot flat on the floor in a strong position as she pulls Jennifer's face in close once more. Hewitt's hands palming Jessica's hips, then reaching round the back to cinch up lightly around the waist - Simpsy just humming to herself, rocking gently back and forth as she smothers Jen ALL the way out. Officials FINALLY making a move as Hewitt's utterly helpless - Jessica standing, grinning down as Jennifer sprawls wetly to her back, face shiny, lips pouted, eyes closed: she's a used-up beauty at Jessica's triumphant feet. Simpson actually wriggles free and tries to take even MORE, but she's bundled up and carried off as Hewitt gets much needed TLC.
Part Four: Jessica Simpson vs. (rookie) Lindsay Lohan (FCBA)

Most highly anticipated product launch in recent Female Celebrity Boxing Association - FCBA- history! Eighteen year old Lindsay Lohan gloving up for her debut bout to publicize the drop of her new CD (and a celebrity fighting contract said to rival Britney's)! Heady stuff.

"There is a lot of pressure on me," Lohan admits. “But that's the game. Every girl I face is going to want to knock me out, and most of the fighters in the audience want to see me fail. I wouldn't have it any other way though - the harder they make it on me now, the stronger I'll be in the long run."

Jessica coming in the smaller girl - most believe she's at her best under 110 - but busty blonde is confident - if not cocky! "Lindsay's size doesn't bother me - it's mostly pork, it's not like she's got 10 extra pounds of muscle on me. They've been pampering her and drilling her for this moment but nothing prepares you for your first professional prizefight. I'm gonna pressure this kid, go right at her and I'm going to knock Lindsay Lohan out!"

Lindsay in her battlin' blue bikini - Jess in her favorite pink string bikini.

Round 1: Jessica head hunting early, gambling on crashing rights and lefts, bouncing mitt off skull and bumping Lohan off balance. Linds' face spanked back with concussive force, eyes wide in shock: Simpsy packs wallop. Second minute, Lohan forced to the ropes - Jessica digging away with left and right uppercuts between the mitts as LL leans forward, Simpsy dips down to gut Lohan a searing hook across the waist then JESSICA GOES JUG! Crowd leaping to it's feet and saluting - Simpson getting up in there, backside a-jiggle as she stands up in the stirrups and shrugs short to Lohan's million dollar rack. Lindsay guzzling punches, trying to wrap up high on Jess - blonde ducks and wriggles, shoving Lindsay off and staying on body and jug with a non stop churning. Lohan wilting, sagging into the ropes and LOHAN'S DOWN!

Tears brimming as Lindsay takes a knee - Jessica jumping away triumphant, heartbreaking 8 for Lohan and it ain't over yet. ON COMES JESSICA! Blonde bulling her way in, getting underneath Lindsay, using Lohan's height against her - blonde just a-DIGGING rights and lefts to the midsection, working up torso to FEAST on those melons. Lohan looking like a billy-clubbed Harp seal as she slumps dazed in the ropes, soaking it up as Jessica pounds away past the bell. Ref hauls feisty blonde off ravaged redhead in a 10-8 Simpson first.

Round 2: Girls trading egomanaical right hands, both holding the left low and just shoving stubby jugs and chin. Jessica bumped backwards - Lohan's heavier weight of shot prevailing - blonde scoots away to regroup. Jess circling, giving Lohan angles - Simpsy showing her experience by losing an initial engagement, but resetting the table with her feet. Jessica launching a series of squalling attacks off Lohan's left shoulder - blonde churning, then stepping to the side, keeping redhead feet moving. Final minute - Jess lands some sumptuous right hands upside Lindsay's head, buffetting her sideways: Lohan's hands a little low, not much head movement as she face into the blows.

Round 3: Jessica pancakes Lindsay into her corner with a flying tackle: who's the big girl tonight? Moment's shoving and jostling - blonde comes up punching, laying her cheek in on Lohan's shoulder and BLAZING away to belly both dukes. Lohan on her heels, grimacing - she can't get her weight forward, reaching around Jessica's shoulders and SIMPSON GOES RACK! Lohan exposed - Jessica wriggling up in there with short, short leather, shoulders shrugging home the hurt as Lohan's chest bunches up under bumping impact. Non-stop, bell to bell Jessica on Lindsay - redhead stunned by Simpson's exuberant ferocity. Punching after the bell? You bet! Jessica helping herself to extra as ref has to pull her away from the jug buffet.

Round 4: HARD punches to Lindsay's head - she's walking into rights, staggering sideways, breaking down - Jessica heartless as she loads up and drives home with hardhearted determination. Lohan bludgeoned to ropes once again - face strained - she covers up and gives Jessica a blank cheque. Simpson setting wide and swinging away - bashing at hips and flanks, then bending her knees to chug up underneath, driving in with her shoulder to stack and reset. Lohan bumped and belted, face in her hands, occasionally bending too far forward and giving up her shiny lower back to Simpson's gleeful shellack. LOHAN'S DOWN!

LiLo grimacing, hand at bruised kidney - she complains to the ref who just starts counting. Shaky 8 Lohan - Jessica pushes her way back in, sensing panic in her young foe's eyes. Jessica driving in head and shoulders to stack Lohan upright then blonde mugs more jug - hup-hup-hupping up in there, palming and bodying up to keep Lohan exposed. Bell: Jessica ignores it - sight of helpless, heaving bosom driving her on - ref has to pull Simpsy away once again as Lohan slumps, hugging battered rib and pancaked juggs.

Round 5: Jessica charges the mound - hurtling into Lohan head-first, butting Lindsay hard beneath the eye and squishing her to ropes once again. Lohan pushing at Jessica's shoulders for breathing room - blonde just regroups, wades back in and punches lusty to the body. Gorgeous, pounding blows off the ribs, healthy sweeping lefts and rights head and shoulders, hungry jug-shrugging - it's a non-stop blonde landslide, all Jessica to Lindsay. Lohan again on her heels, butt in the ropes, unable to use her size or skills - she's gobbling up punches at a fearful rate as Jessica starts piling on. Jess reaching her left arm and shoulder in under Lindsay's right arm to body her back, then belting away until redhead slumps forward: repeat. Bell: Simpsy helps herself to a cheap late right hand pit of the stomach, clubbing righty upside the head as Lohan droops to her right - ref finally intervening with some harsh words for the Simpson corner.

Round 6: Jessica pouring herself at Lindsay - Lohan ragdoll, swooning - it's a heartbreaking night for the proud redhead. Jessica's pounding face-punching setting the table - Lohan hurt, slumped in the ropes again - bulging ledge of her jugs just thick and helpless as Jessica romps up in there yet again. Simpsy working up quite a lather on Lohan's rack - breathing out through pursed lips, maintaining a fearsome output as Lohan wilts forward. Jess punctuating her jug mugging with thudding right hands to the belly which aren't doing Lohan any good either!

As Lindsay crumbles forward - sweet chin music starts to clip home via crisp uppercuts. Simpson stepping back in good order, letting Lindsay fall into the punches - Lohan crumbling, stumbling and LOHAN'S DOWN! Linds sprawling on her chest, rolling over all achy-tender and it's OVER! Lohan can't get off her back, head lolling gently side to side - KO6 Jessica Simpson in STUNNING fashion.

Afterward: The welcome-to-the-FCBA beatdown a bit of a shock - Lohan stumbling out of the gate, just never able to impose herself: she's stunned, shellshocked on her stool as she comes around, realization dawning. AND JESSICA WANTS MORE!

Goaded on by her corner - Simpsy barges in, hugs hurting Lohan to her feet - woozy pleading eyes from Lindsay - then her face is sealed tight against the bulging swell of Simpson's hulking rack! Jess wrapping up tight - left arm behind Lindsay's neck to lock up on the right bicep - right hand cupping the top of Lohan's damp skull and Jess BEAMING like a kid at Christmas!

Simpsy shaking side to side at times, cinching up tighter, nodding to the crowd, biting her lower lip in concentration as she soaks up the last of Lindsay's dignity. Other FCBA bantam blondes - Cuthbert and Pressly in particular - standing ringside licking lips as if to say, "Yes please: I'll have some of that." Lohan slowly sagging to one knee, hands at Simpson's hips - Jess finally releasing with a big grin, glorying in the sight. Lohan eyelashes fluttering, face wet, mouth open as she sways on the spot - what a nightmare.

"My jugs stopped her jugs!" Simpsy gushes postfight. "I'm SO happy right now - I wanted to beat her up and get the stoppage and I TOTALLY DID! Did you see me smother her out at the end? OMIGOD; that was the BEST! Right now, I'm demanding that Salma Hayek cease and desist her post-fight boob smothering: that's definitely MY thing now - nobody's interested in her South-of-the-Border slutty-puppies."

On and on like that - Simpsy understandably thrilled with the outing. Sharon Stone claiming her protégé is now the top contender for “Top Juggs” - mystifying those not into the whole “specialty match” fetish.

Upon recovery, Lohan is furious, crying angry tears, cheeks flushed, "I want a rematch," she growls. "That's all I have to say!"
Part Five: Jessica Simpson vs. Eva Longoria

Eva stepping up to defend the honor of “Hispanic Hotties everywhere” after Simpson’s derogatory remarks about “Latina Legend” Hayek. It’s a match-up with the hottest cinema petite (“Dukes of Hazzard” Simpsy) vs hottest TV small girl (“Desperate Housewives” Longoria)- a match made in heaven.

"Jessica's body is a miracle," Eva enthuses in prefight. "Nobody's working harder in the gym than Simpson right now and it shows. There isn't an inch of that girl that isn't in fighting trim which shows how serious she is about this fight. Even sitting on the other side of this dais, I can feel the heat coming off her and I know this is going to be a war!"

Simpson flying high with new found physical confidence - release of “Dukes Of Hazard” (DOH!) representing her final victory outside of the ring in a decade-long struggle against the "Tyranny Of Britney Spears" (at least in Jess’s mind!)

"I feel like I'm finally coming into my own - I've passed Britney and moved on to greater heights - there's nothing I can't accomplish now! Beating Eva is the next step. I'm going to end the suspense for Eva early - I'm taking the fight right to her and my only objective is to win the fight by knockout!"

Every name flyweight in the biz present for this fight - from Carter to Monaco to Marcil - rooting split right down the middle amongst the pros; some hating everything Simpson represents (“Tits over talent”); others unwilling to cede the high ground to Longoria (“She’s a television actress, for God’s sake!”).

Jessica in heartpounding pink Dukes bikini - Eva in tan western motif buckskin bikini, long low ponytail. Simpson’s corner loud and insistent the ref caution Longoria about whipping her ponytail across Jessica's eyes!

Round 1: Simpsy hopping into battle, hands at chest height, jugs a-jumpin', teeth bared - she bashes away HARD overhand rights as Longoria pumps the jab, steps to her right. Simpsy clawing wide lefts to locate Eva, then hacking away righty again - Eva gritting her teeth, fitting tidy straight right counters onto Jessica's chin in slambang opening-moments action. SIMPSON GOES DOWN! Jessi blundering forward, eating Longoria rights - blonde scatters to all fours, scrambles up and presses into the ref as he tries to check her out.

They resume with Eva’s right hand under her chin as she hooks Simpsy's tanned midsection - Jessica twists into a tugging left on the point of the chin and EVA SCOOTS TO HER REAR! Longoria with a stunned, stricken expression picks herself up - legs look a little shabbier than Jessica's did when blonde got dumped.

ON COMES SIMPSON! Jessica POURING herself at Eva - hopping in with a furious, jamming right hand on the ear, pushing at Eva's shoulders and clubbing her hooks. Longoria hard pressed, right under chin, left across her body - she's bending forward and back at the waist, riding out sheets of whistling blonde leather. Left hook Longoria AND JESSICA'S BUZZED!

Simpson's knees lock up - she stomps around in fence post holes - Longoria goes FIERCE to the body - limber limbs licking at paunch stuff Jessi's butt in ropes. Simpson huuurrrrrrt - groaning, ashen faced - she reaches woozy to clinch AND LONGORIA ROMPS TO JUG! Eva's elbows in, getting up into that rack with sexy shoulder shrugging punches that travel no more than a few inches. Longoria pumping up Jessica's whoppers with short-chugging mayhem!

At the bell: Jessi blubbering, making a whimpering, glugging noise in her throat - Longoria pulled off her foe as ref has to enforce the break.

Round 2: OH THEY CLANG AWAY! Jessica's body recovering well - she launches herself like a little blonde ballistic missile - hell bent on doing right hand damage. Jess responding to corner instructions during the break, now aiding her pressure with a stubby little jab, just trying to locate and stabilize Longoria so the short right hand can land. Eva soaking up chop on her jaw, staggering under the blows, but gamely lathering back - brunette recognizing she's got to force Simpson to give her room to operate. Furious back and forth - Jessica bludgeoning in with short right hands, a wider hook: Longoria in and out with sliding rights/gutting left uppercuts amidships, shifting her weight front foot to back as she gets off.

LONGORIA GOES DOWN! Accumulation of cudgelling Simpson leather to chin finally settles into Eva's backside and knees - she's wonky, wobbly butt, disorganized before finally hopping to all fours at Jessica's feet. Simpsy hooting, lifting her mitts and strutting off - treating Eva to a shot of her triumphant pink-clad butt - enough to get Longoria rapidly up off the deck. Resume: Girls trade HOWITZER right hands - Longi bending into her shot and ducking down - both come back hooks and JESSICA SCOOTS TO HER BACKSIDE!

Simpson ragdolled, eyes foggy, head lolling - she rolls stiffly to her right hip and gingerly rises for “eight.” Longoria reeling in the neutral corner, barely escaping another knock-down herself in the exchange - both girls hurt as ref shouts "FIGHT!" Deep breaths, then both dive in - now increasingly available for the other's leather. Longoria soaking up Jessica's right hand with a dazed, wounded expression.

Simpson badly shaken by licking whip-mitt hooks against her tummy, across her chin. Eva's legs shaking as she steps right, looking to corkscrew her right fist through Jessica's high guard like fitting a key into a keyhole at the bell.

Round 3: Pace slackens - but still furious in stop-and-go bursts. Simpson coming forward, hands up at her eyebrows - she's trying to chop her jab Kilcher style, dip and bob side to side, get close and work off Longoria's chest. Eva stepping to her right, left hand low - she's walking Jessica into intercepting rights - Eva twisting the mitt upon delivery, threading it between Jessi's gloves and grinding it cruelly against blonde's face. Whenever Simpsy does get close, it's a spasm of violence - Jessica battering at Eva's ribs and skull, Longoria slashing and lashing back to beat back the attack.

Rounds 4-5-6: Damage piling up, girls breaking down. Legs're holding up as chins are checked, but backsides are wobbling as girls take turns hurting each other. Simpson's attack basic, but bold - she's walking Eva down, jabbing to chest then crashing in over the top right hands, raking head and body hooks - really working Eva over along the ropes. Longoria's ribs pink with punishment, but Eva's doing her own good work: slick up-jab off the hip and a slashing right cross doing wonders on Jessica's face and those gutting, succulent, rising lefts into Simpson's glorious chassis maybe the most vicious punches of the fight.

Both girls mugging jug when available, nestling in there shoulder to shoulder and scrub-chugging away tightly - just pumping, kneading little blows, lips parted to exhale whimpering, hot breaths inside. Corners increasingly concerned during the breaks: girls are coming back ramshackle, glassy eyed - trainers employing vigorous bicep and thigh massages, dousing their fighters with water, icing down swelling - it's mindless good fun through six stanzas.

Round 7: Girls trading tired rights and lefts midring, hook finds Longoria's chin with stout tug - she blinks, stomps back on her heels, then stumbles to all fours in delayed reaction. Deep breaths Simpsy - she's rallying herself - she's had Eva down before and Longoria's always gotten right back up to compete. Eva takes a shaky 8, staring bleakly - she waits at the ropes for Jessica to wade on in. Blonde pressing up, then working - Eva sitting in ropes, stooping forward - Jessica leaning forward, working hard underneath. Simpson rubbing with her head, pushing with her left hand - she's ripping rugged right hands up into Eva's sternum and ribs, paralyzing the lithe Latina and Eva's little jugs go on sale!

Simpsy batting away short little hooks underneath, just a-swatting those babies aside. Little left uppercuts - Simpsy getting 'em off the left foot while bobbing up, clipping Eva's chin, swivelling her drowsy head. Longoria soaking, not answering back - systematic pounding has her humming and EVA TAKES A KNEE! Longoria glossy with hurt, waxen-eyed - she takes another “eight” and then sinks sadly into ropes.

Jessica open-mouthed, feeling the burn - she wades in with left at her side, right raised at her hip, just stepping, then turning into a curling right off Eva's chest to start the bombardment. Licking left - Simpsy twisting, sweeping punch off her hip; clubbing right hacking Eva behind the head; left uppercut off the thigh, carving across Eva's face; hacking right hand behind the head; clouting little hook on the ear doubled-down into a DIGGING left hook to liver - EVA GOES DOWN GROANING! OH that nasty, sinking liver shot - poor Longoria drifting to her knees face taut with gutshot agony. Simpsy staggers away and IT'S OVER! KO7 to the body for the winner - Jessica Simpson!

Afterward: Longoria hugging a battered midsection, rocking on her haunches as the tears come - Simpson collapsing in the arms of her trainer and blond colleagues Theron, Heigl, Loken and Kilcher; slapped on back by trainers Lange and Stone.

"It's ‘The Summer of Jessica’ all right," quips one BLONDE! magazine staffer. “But SIMPSON - not Alba! Who'da thunk Jess Simpson would triumph where Alba's just disappointing her fans?"

Simpsy not as talented as Eva overall, but she’s physically irresistable - blonde simply forced brunette to fight until nothing was left tonight. Longoria bleak and devastated as the blonde's ring-strut sticks a jiggling pink dagger in the heart. Eva finally looking away, unable to bear it any longer!
Part Six: Jessica Simpson vs. Salma Hayek

Plenty of moaning and teeth gnashing in the media and blogosphere about Hayek's determination to contest JMD - senseless brawling seems a waste of Salma's still world-class skill but the disrespect shown her counterpart Longoria can’t be ignored - nor can Simpson’s frequent and vocal dismissal of the quality of Hayek’s heavy-hanging hooters.

"It's mostly about Jessica," says one Hayek apologist in "Celebrity Ring" magazine. "Salma wants Simpson - bad - but Jess is pretty much a brawler; specializing in these boob bashing contests: you want her, you gotta fight her her way. You don't want to fight JMD? Fine, she'll go fight Lacey Chabert or someone else - you know? People joke about 'ditzy' Jessica, but she's damn smart the way she's played it. She knows she's a target and she uses that - makes girls come to her; makes them pay up; makes them accept JMD rules which maximize her chances - not too shabby for a ditz."

For Hayek, it's really much simpler. "People think when you near 40, you suddenly get all calm and wise and prudent," Salma smiles. “But I tell you: when I see a floozie like Jessica at the pool or on a beach, my blood still boils, ya know? I burn to compete with Jessica - yes, because she's young and, of course, because she has that great body. I'm not being 'forced' to fight JMD; beating her JMD is HOW I want to beat her. Look at my body and tell me every curve isn’t up to the task. I tell you it is, and I tell Jessica it is."

Simpson in pink Daisy Duke bikini, white gloves. Hayek in black bikini, white gloves. Girls touch 'em up in ritual JMD style: right gloves pressing against soft racks, then the girls turn away from each other with eyes flashing.

Round 1: Jessica's feet pounding against canvas as she hurtles across ring - jugs swinging, hair flying - Hayek crossing her arms, leaning in to brace herself for contact as blonde collides with brunette. Bumpercar brawling - both girls winging - exuberant Jessica pasting Hayek's face and breasts in senseless melee. Hayek slugged to ropes, immediately covering up face-in-gloves: Jessica piles in, reaching past Hayek's right shoulder, leaning in close, lifting the flat of her thigh up into Mexican midriff with a beefy clap of meat on meat. Hayek grunting, doubling forward: Jessica shifts-left, pushing Salma's right side into ropes. Jess settles in, riding her left forearm heavy across Salma's upperback - blonde leaning her weight in, then plugging away beefy right hands to Hayek's presented left side. Thigh, hip, flank, tummy, a little side-jug - Simpsy happily blasting away fat - Hayek curled up, cringing, unable to get out of there. Ref very indulgent - letting it go - Simpson able to pile up methodical points just smearing and smoking Salma in tight.

Round 2: Jessica charges length o' the ring again, driving grimacing Hayek to ropes - Salma pummelled perhaps a dozen swinging punches before she rallies, digs in at apron. Jessica reaching in, chesting up, then chugging to rack - blonde shortening up stroke, plugging away zesty to rack - just squirming to shove in extra leather. Hayek earmuffed up, but facing into this stuff - she's banging back hard, twisting side to side to clout Jessica's available face and lurching knockers. Tidy-kind to-and-fro - girls in constant, wriggling contact with each other - Simpson just too effervescent, jams away for more points through two.

Round 3: Jessica charges Salma again - no question little blonde juggernaut's the willful aggressor early. Struggling embrace tumbles along ropes - stocky legs stamping, firm backsides jostling with effort of muscling the hated other to ropes. Minute mark - fight spills to canvas - girls still tangled-up: black bikini on top; pink bikini; black; pink; black - ref finally pulling brawling hellcats up and apart, shaking both vixens by a well-gripped upperarm. Hair disheveled, eyes glaring, teeth bared, chests heaving - they jump-to each other, re-embracing, stumbling around all a-jiggle. Rest of the way sloppy - girls repeatedly taking each other down - both enjoying savage moments of pounding when the other's momentarily sprawled on canvas. Ref apoplectic, not to mention exhausted - constant job of work to get in there, peel 'em apart, stand 'em up, give 'em a good shake as reckless beauties just won't listen.

Round 4: More senseless windmilling, wrestling and slugging - both girls mouthbreathing heavily, swinging themselves off balance - careening around the ring as legs start to tire. Both girls pushing the opponent down, then pursuing her to canvas. One memorable moment - Jessica up on her knees, in behind a slumped and seated Hayek: blonde with her left arm loose about Hayek's throat while slamming repeat rights to Hayek's face. Another - Hayek on HER knees off Simpson's right flank - Jessica on her back, stunned: Salma throws her left arm/torso across Jessi's chest, pinning blonde down; Salma covers Jessi's right leg with brunette right, neatly exposing glorious, tanned midriff and jugs to free-range right hands! Hayek grinning cruelly as she plows away - big, bumping rights, taking Simpsy in her gut and jugs - poor blonde grunting and gurgling until ref breaks it up.

Round 5: Pace slowing - starting favour Hayek as she's able to exert a little control. Jessica coming forward, but no longer at the hurtle: she's walking in now, dukes up, trying to hop the last few feet and catch Salma napping. Not working: Hayek walking Jessica in, crouching to receive Simpsy's pounce, then digging hard right hands to belly/hooking left hands to jug as Jessica is repulsed. Blonde staggering slightly as she's walked in, countered, pushed back out - Hayek very sturdy, scoring heavily, but precisely - really placing her shots into Jessica. Late the round, Hayek coming forward on shopworn, covered-up Jess: Salma able to lean on left (front) foot, get heartbreaking leverage on a hook in under Jessi's right elbow. Blonde gasps, shivers, knees bend: she's hurt at the bell from a single jolting liver-lick.

Round 6: Hayek's eyes dancing - she's exhausted, but smells body-hurt: it's reinvigorating brunette. Salma coming forward now - always and everywhere: Simpson in groggy, sulking retreat, trying to keep her hands up. Hayek deliberately shooting in on her foe's waist and tackling her to canvas - rough take downs, then plugging body-blows while lying atop helpless Jessica steadily wearing blonde down. Standing up - Hayek able to reach in and hook Jess to the body - really reefing at that chassis as Jessi leans forward hurt behind her mitts: down the stretch, it all adds up. Simpsy tilts forward - Hayek parks her umpteenth exquisite gancha hook behind Jessi's right elbow: Mexican girls have been beating pretty blonde Texan girls with that punch for decades. DOWN GOES SIMPSY! Jessica easing herself to canvas, shuddering on all fours, crying - bell sounds - her veteran corner staff rush out to help her up - in flagrant disregard of the rules!

Round 7: Hayek on Simpson - all round long. Steady, strong pursuit: Hayek walking Jessica down, pouncing at her with lead hooks body and head; jolting her short right hands upstairs, then looking to hook the midsection tic-toc. Simpsy stumbling, reeling, weeping - absorbing terrible thump here, unable to punch back. Final minute, Simpsy's butt in ropes, Simpsy tilted torso-forward, face-in-gloves: Salma just squaring away and working her hooks to trembling blonde flank. Moist-n'-beefy - leather beats at meat, tucking into trembling blonde: JESSICA GOES DOWN! Simpsy cringing in slow-mo to canvas, blubbering pathetically - ref pushes Hayek back as Salma's lingering too close; enjoying blonde collapse too much.

Round 8: Jessica firms as Hayek wilts! Salma visibly aging in-ring as torrid pace catches up with her. Weary, but steady trade midring goes Jessica's way - just simple straight-thrusting criss cross from both beauties - each bumping away mindlessly to rack: sullen contact seems to galvanize Simpsy while draining Hayek. Salma stepping away with a frown, breathing hard: Simpsy hops at her from outside Hayek's left shoulder, lands a fat, wide left hand PLOP in Hayek's tummy, buckling brunette knees and driving her ropeside. Exhausted Hayek doubled over, earmuffs up: SALMA GIVES UP HER BACK TO JESS! Simpsy workmanlike as she pushes Hayek sideways to ropes; establishes control with the left forearm across Hayek's upper back then digs repeated, chugging, right hands into Hayek's presented left flank. Salma shuddering, legs quaking - she's just soaking it up to bell and beyond - ref has to physically pull Jessica off to make her stop punching.

Round 9: Sturdy stuff midring - both vixens flat-footed, teeth bared, chins up, fists thrusting out straight left/rights - gloves bounce off gloves, jug, face, in churning fashion. Advantage Simpson! Hayek slowly driven backward, breaking down in the face of Jessica's relentless enthusiasm: every step forward seems to breathe fresh life into Jessica's game. Hayek hits ropes, immediately covers up face-in-gloves: wince-making sight to see an all time brunette great just stop competing like this.

Jessica goes to town! Simpsy squirming, reaching under Salma's arms, stacking her upright, going to hard to jugs! Squirm, reach, stack, mug. Again, and again, and again. Hayek making worn little gurgling noises - dark eyelashes all aflutter; lips parting. She keeps her guard together only so long as Jessica allows it - the blonde is in and wriggling it all asunder. Simpsy fighting at a plodding, plugging pace - all but spent, herself; yet finding the energy to work - energy Salma might have had 10 years ago. OH, there's a low blow! Simpsy driving in with her right hand, pounding pubic mound!

Simpsy’s left hand riding over Salma's back as brunette folds forward; blonde standing upright with Hayek crouching against her hip - Jessica shoves away extra right hands, pounding up into Hayek’s hulking, heaving, juggs beneath - scouring the soft flesh. Hayek loosening terribly, no longer defending herself, getting stacked, ragdolled and abused! Mexican jugs on sale and and Jessi helps herself with shoving, chugging pulses of lefts and rights until…

THE REF STEPS IN! Li'l Jessica pushing and bumping slumping Latina rack - Salma out on her feet, black hair smeared in her eyes, lips parted in quit: TKO9 Jessica Simpson!

Afterward: "MY JUGS STOPPED HER JUGS!" an exhausted Simpsy bleats as she's feted and petted by her corner.

Poor Salma! Hayek collapsing in her corner, shuddering with tears - well ahead on points, Salma used herself up in search of the KO, opening the door for Jessica's own finishing run. AND SIMPSON WANTS MORE!

Glassy-eyed Hayek sees Jess stomping in - Latina reaches up from her stool to push encroaching tummy and chest off but Jessica forcing herself in, pulling Hayek's hair, muscling her to her feet. Standing, staggering - girls stumble into ropes - Jessica pulling and fretting at Salma, trying to secure her - Hayek whimpering, pushing, twisting her head side to side, refusing to comply.

Hayek turns chest-first to ropes, teary-eyed - grabs up the top strand in both arms, holding fast. Jessica working at her from behind - securing gut-wrench and reefing; wrapping up Salma's head, trying to peel Hayek off ropes. Simpsy petulant, working hard to pry her girl away, backside all a-jiggle as she tries one thing, then another. Tiring of it - Simpsy ties up around Hayek's head, laying in close belly-to-back on Hayek, then goes at Salma's lush torso with slapping thigh-lifts. Blonde hopping up into the blows - inner portion of her quads clapping into Hayek's back and flanks - then more reefing as Jessica goes to a pummel-and-pull strategy. Hayek gasping, inevitably loosening - she whines when she's finally dislodged, pulled back and her face forced down into her foe's pitiless breasts.

Jessica folding Salma easily into the Reverse Sleeper - left arm snug behind Salma's neck, left hand cupping blonde right bicep; right hand palming damp brunette head. Jessica smiling in deep satisfaction - gently rocking Salma, then easing her back to ropes. Blonde stepping-with as Hayek slides into her corner - Jess keeping the weight on, keeping the cinch tight. Poor Salma's hands fumble damp against Jessica's hips, then pull weakly at her biceps - but there's no escape. Simpsy just leans in, letting her jugs do the hard, womanly, work of reducing Hayek to rubble. Finally, Salma's curvy legs shudder and give way - her body quits into Jessica's. Simpson releases with her with an arm-flinging flourish, letting Hayek drop face-first to canvas! Jess steps over her and raises her arms, looking back over her shoulder at her slumbering rival and smirking.
Part Seven: Jessica Simpson vs. Britney Spears (Sauna Fight)

This is the contest Simpson has been longing for! After dumping husband Nick, Jess’s been looking lost and so-called “experts” were stunned when Simpson went away from her well-conceived tactic of forcing her opponents to meet her on “her turf” (i.e., Jugg Rules) and agreed to face Spears in the tight confines of a hot, sweltering sauna where Simpson’s quickness is limited and Spears greater bulk will give her an advantage. Along one side of the sauna enclosure is a two-tiered tiled bench where you can sit with feet on the floor or sit one step up with your feet on the first bench. The walls and floor are also tiled: blue and white.

Britney enters in pale blue bikini, tie-side bottoms, hair in a messy ponytail. She rolls her head side to side, her rapidly rising and falling chest already shiny with perspiration in the oppressive heat.

In comes Jessica in a slick ponytail and her traditional pink bikini. Simpsy looks at the benches like it's the first time she's ever been in a sauna.

"Eliza Dushku used to call Britney a 'blubbering quitter'," Jessica had said in prefight. “It's still true. She's learned some tricks - I see her getting cute in fights now, finessing girls and smoothing 'em - but you know what? All that means she knows she can't take it straight up. When we get in that sauna, and I tuck into her? It's not going to matter that she's a little bigger than me. All that's going to matter are my fists and her body. I'll make her cry, I'll make her quit, and that's all there is to it."

Jessica's words have been piped into the sauna and when Britney hears them she purses her lips in disgust and glares at Simpson who’s fiddling with her ponytail. Jess just shrugs and shakes her head as if to say, ‘So? That's what I think.’

Britney's voice is heard next as the monitors show a tank-topped Spears addressing the press some weeks earlier, "People don't realize how long I've been beating Jessica - we've been in competition our entire lives and she's never, ever gotten the better of me. She couldn't make into the Mouseketeers. She never would have gotten a recording deal if I hadn't re-invented pop music. She's been dominated by me for so long, that she knows the only chance she has is to monkey around with the rules. She thinks that with body-blows only, in a sauna - she'll finally have some kind of advantage over me, but you know what? I'm a Southern girl too - I can handle the heat, and as for body blows? There is no way in hell - pardon my French - that her body stops mine. No way!!"

Back in the sauna the girls are already fighting! Jessica's bulled her way in, backed Britney up a step or two - Simpsy with her head on Spears' chest, shoulders rotating - short, hup-hup punching to the breadbasket. Britney trying to stay low, get her shoulder on Jess to bump her off, keeping her elbows in; hands at her chest. Simpson just working, hitting forearms as much as tummy, but working just the same - she gets Britney's back against a hot-tiled wall, squares up like she's big. Spears baring her teeth - just trying to manage the pressure. Britney covering up, forcing Jessica to wriggle in, wrestle apart the guard - Simpsy prying open the clam to get at the tender meat inside. Not a lot of clean punching: Britney grabbing Simpson's wrists, tying up behind her elbows; Simpsy reaching under Britney's arms, pushing Britney's face to the side, straining against the bigger woman's brawny shoulders and arms.

Panting breathes audible on camera: it's thirsty, muscular stuff. After a minute of frustration - Jessica changes tack. Simpsy takes a step back, small fists balled hard: she opens up criss-cross. Britney pouting, right hand under her chin, left arm tight across her gut: the sharp, wet PIK! PAK! PEK! of Jessica's fists dotting Britney's slick shoulders, upper chest, and breasts. Spears sliding along the wall, Jess stepping with her. Spears lips twinging, Spears turning her shoulders: Simpsy just keeping up a straight-punching torrent, elbows up high as she shoves straight into Britney's torso.

Britney can't take it: reaches for Jessica's waist, snuggles in moist with her mouth on Jessica's shoulder. Simpson's legs strain, bare feet slapping on hot tile, stomping to press Britney back against the wall! Golden bodies struggle in the heat, Jessica wriggling to get her hands inside, palming, pushing against Britney, finally punching. Spears gritting her teeth, stooping forward, hands at her chest, elbows in tight, bracing herself against Jessica's punches.

Simpson working hard: leaning forward with her head, feet set strong, rhythmic punching, arms pumping back and forth, rattling Spears with rapid fire sock. Jess heartless, tattooing Britney's trunkline to get under the protective elbows. Simpsy brawny - occasionally easing Britney back with the left shoulder/extended left elbow - Spears eyelashes fluttering, mouth open to suck at air so thick she almost has to drink it: she's committing to a dangerous strategy early by not answering back, letting Jess spend up her money.

Pace slows. They're several minutes in - it's mostly been Jessica hammering at Britney against the wall - both girls are feeling the heat now.

Jessi with her forehead on Britney's chest or shoulder. Rapid fire lefts and rights replaced with a more methodical, beefier single shot rhythm. Jess laying in, fists balled - she'll knuckle gently at Britney's hips or stomach, nudge her with the left elbow or shoulder, then rip into her a stout left hook, bludgeoning right. Fists land flat, knuckles stamping against flesh. Brit holding her right under her chin, left across her body - sullen, sponging up punishment. Simpsy grunting as she lifts a left hand into the swell of Britney's paunch, curling the hand back to her chest, pivoting on her hips to dig it in there again. Hot breath pushes out past Britney's parted lips in woozy chuffs - she's just riding it out. Right hands short, clubbing, wet on Britney's left shoulder. Simpsy so short with her jug-mugging, she's basically going there with forearms, packing in there tight with the sound of someone roughly handling raw sirloin: slap, slap, slap!

Pace slows. Jessica's mouth breathing, laying in and reaching under Britney's arms more. Spears eyes expressive, wincing, frowning, but determined - she starts to get her hands on Jessica again, starts to push and wrestle with her. Starts to punch with: Britney just turning her left shoulder, shrugging it, getting a hook into Jessica's tummy, following through with 100% forearm. Simpsy takes a step back - her first.

Simpsy doesn't want to give up the wall - she reaches in under Britney's arms, wraps up around the waist. Spears sits back onto tiles, but keeps weight forward: she's punching now, fitting her fists in flat over either Simpson hip. The raw, wet smacking sound: loud, insistent. Simpson sighing - her right cheek sealed against Britney's breasts, her mouth pouted open, eyes closed; Britney's just flailing away. Britney able to come forward, leaning into Simpson - Jess still hanging on around the waist, giving up her back and flanks. Britney merciless, looming tall over Simpsy, wedging in wide, swinging lefts and rights around Simpson's outstretched limbs, but also strapping Jess across the back. Britney going open-palm, hands spread into flat paddles the better to heel the tender muscle of Simpson's back: it's heinous, but the sauna is a ref-free zone.

Simpsy's dazed, throbbing; too stupid with hurt to make a plan. Under the bashing rain of Britney's fists and palms, Simpsy slides down Spears' tanned thighs, panting on all fours as Britney steps back and begins to count her out.

Britney: hands on hips, chest HEAVING. "One," she says, looking down. "Two...three...four..." Simpson grimacing, clutching at her back - at "seven" she's on one knee, at "nine" she's up and swaying.

Britney blows a loose blonde strand off her shiny face, takes a deep breath, and wades on in. Groggy mouth on shoulder. Girls hand-wrestling underneath while leaning in close, then slamming away - both adept at turning punches over short enough to call 'em forearms. Ribs hum with abuse. Buttocks tremble. Thighs quake.

Fight wanders at random across the tiles. Jessica is pushed against the wall and bludgeoned with moist right hands as Britney braces with her left hand against Jessi's chest. Jessi pounds Britney's mounds with shrugging, forearm uppercuts inside, drawing breathy whimpers of outrage, but moving Spears backwards. Spears responds with a greasy left arm around the head, initiating cauldron: girls slam away tired right forearms to aching jugs, huddled together in a quivering bundle of steaming blonde flesh.

Neither girl can hold in every gasp, every wheeze, every whimper. Simply put: it's torture. They're torturing one another. Against any other opponent, both would have quit by now.

Jessica catches, what? Her fourth, fifth wind? Stirring brace of lefts and rights - clubbing punches from the hips, shellacking Britney's shoulders and breasts beats Spears woozy to the bench: she stumbles, takes a seat. By negotiation, it's not a knockdown. Also by negotiation, Britney's still fair game.

Jessica standing, reaches in, taking Britney by the wrists and holding Spears hands in her lap. Then, the punching! Jessica holding Spears hands down with her left, reaches back and thrusts home soggy right hands to the upper chest. Spears' eyelashes flutter as her head lolls back onto the second step. Jess moves in, kneeling on the bench, straddling Britney, bodying up and plugging away - fists just shoving down into Spears: Britney sobbing, hugs up around the hips, smothers the assault as best she can. Jessica smiles: Britney wrapping up her waist is an invitation. Simpsy wraps up Britney's head, forcing Spears' face into the dense cleft of jugg, humid sauna air making a tight seal.

Jess getting her weight forward, brawny little shoulders glossy in the overhead light. She shifts her weight, snuggles in tight. Britney's palms panicky at Jessica's ribs; reaching up from behind and pulling on the shoulders. Not strictly legal, but it's just the two of them in there. It's a good strategy for an exhausted, smaller girl: make Britney feel the weight, suffocate, while Simpsy recuperates. After a good, hot smother, Simpsy releases, mops her brow with her forearm, stands with hands on hips to catch a breather: oily air sliding down her throat, unrefreshing. Britney: crying, head back on the second step, hands limp beside her thighs, feet flat on the floor.

Torso just shuddering as she sobs - she's too used up to move. Simpson licks salty lips - pink tongue. "Give?" she asks, reaching to snap pink trunks snug about her buttocks. "Britney, you give?" Britney's just shaking with tears, refusing to answer. "OK then," Simpsy breathes - almost a whisper.

She kneels on the step, right foot still on the floor. She nestles in hot over Britney's right shoulder; Britney's right arm reflexively rises to ride limp around Simpsy's waist. Jessica pumps one in: right hand, short, flat to the thick of Britney's bunched tummy muscle: Spears cringing, spasming, right knee flinching up off the bench - head comes off the step, face stretched in pain as she shouts in agony. Jessica shifts her weight, pumps another in. Thick. Moist. Another! Another!!

"Give!" Simpsy shouts - her breath hot on Britney's face. Spears bawling, shaking her head ‘no.’

"Damn you Britney, GIVE!" Another right hand. Another. Thick. Wet. Flat. Britney gulping, sobbing, making ugging noises deep in her throat. But she just won't quit.

Jessica shivering in exhaustion - Spears able to wriggle, pull the smaller blonde into her lap. Jessica sitting between Spears' legs, her right shoulder trapped against Britney's chest, her left arm dangling free: Spears hugging up around the breasts and ribs just as hard as she can, face wincing with the effort of the squeeze.

Now it’s Jessica's turn to suffer. Eyebrows arch high, eyes close. Her left hand grasps Britney's slick right shoulder in woozy protest; Jessi's mouth opens wide, mute with shock. Britney squeeeeeezes. And squeeeeeezes. Occasionally adjusting her grip, giving herself moments to recover, but then muscling on the hurt again, breaking down the hated blonde in her lap as minutes trudge past in the heat.

Simpsy starts to cry, body shaking pitifully within Britney's brawny grasp. Simpsy suffers, unable to break out. But she doesn't quit! Jessica doesn't quit even when Britney muscles her into a seated position back-to-front, the better for Spears to clamp on directly across Jessica's heaving bosom. Simpson's head lolls back damp against Britney's shoulders; Simpson's hands lay limp at her side, backs of her knuckles against the tile, palms up - but she doesn't quit. Britney right hand clamped tight on her left wrist, grinding and crushing the offending jugs, but it's just not enough. Finally, Spears drops her grip to ride lightly around Jessica's belly, just holding Simpsy in place. Only punching will end this. Both girls suck at sweltering air, trying to find some hidden reserve.

Jessica's back hitting hot wall with a slap brings her around: eyelashes fluttering, mouth open: she's dimly aware of Britney's hands on her shoulders, pressing her against the tile. Spears with her left hand, reaches underneath, gathering both of Jessica's arms behind the elbows and pulling them to the side, slumping Simpsy and exposing a rich swath of torso. Britney leans in, steadying herself on Jessica, getting her feet set, and then: the punching.

Right hand! SHUMP!
Again! SHUMP!

Brit loading up, working hard to keep Jessica bundled up and slumped over, forcing the right hands into quivering blonde belly.


Muted cries from Jessica; cries laced with the tangy, pungent odor of quit. Britney shifts her weight; she wants Jessica slumped over double with her side pressed against the wall. Now Britney can lean her weight onto Jessica's head and upper back, pinning her down so right hands can shove into the ribs and flank, or get thick up underneath. Jessica tries to curl her left leg up against her body to protect: Britney pushes at the thigh to get it down, crams in a punitive right - knuckles flat on flesh. Spears' right hand pushes on the hip, then pumps in fresh. Jessica can't stop her. Jessica can only suffer. Simpson's moans fill the sauna in a heartbreaking contralto.

Britney steps back, bends over, hands on her knees as she gasps for breath as Simpsy slides down the wall to all fours, blubbering, holding her left elbow to her battered left flank.

"One!" gasps Britney, still doubled over, staring woozily at Jess. "Two! Three!" Jessica kneels on her right knee, leaning against the wall for support. Spears moves in with a bludgeoning ax-handle - smashing Jessica's upper back, putting Simpsy on all fours again. Another ax-handle on the back - Spears sobbing with effort - Jessica mute, mouth open in shock as she's beaten down! Another ax-handle blow to the back - shaking Jessica's support arms. Another ax-handle. Another!! Simpson is beaten flat - tummy hot against tacky-wet floor tile - left elbow against her side, small trembling hand up near her mouth.

"One!" Britney breathes, staggering, eyes half closed. "Two! Three! Four! Five!" Britney, hands on hips, belly quivering; Jessica lies wedged in the joint between floor and wall, mouth open, cheek on the tiles; eyes squinched closed.

"Six! Seven! Eight! Nine!" Britney mops her brow with her right arm, breathes deep. Jessica lays unmoving.

"TEN! You're out!" Brit brays, smiling proudly.

Jessica lays where she fell, not having moved since she collapse 100% used up at Britney's feet. Britney reels, almost as if she might plop down cross-legged, but she rights herself and chuckles as she bends over the petite little blonde puddled at her feet and puts her instep on the fold between Jessica's battered belly and her hip. She straightens her leg, slowly rolling the battered beauty over onto her back. Jessica lays sobbing, arms crossed over her body as Britney leans in, digs her fingers into the waistband of her bikini bottom at the hips and slowly raises Simpsy's butt in the air.

"Upsey-daisy!" Brit snarls and Jessica meekly plants her feet and lifts her ass, unresisting as Britney skins the sodden bikini over her ass, hips and down her relaxed thighs. The sound of a wet SPLAT echoes in the silence as Jessica's butt drops back on the floor as Britney works the bikini down behind her knees, then lifts her limp legs in the air and whips it the rest of the way off.

Britney grins as she presses her foot on the inside of Jessica's thigh, wedging her legs open, pushing one aside so she can study the sweat-matted golden pelt that's exposed. She licks her lips hungrily and Jessica, seeing the flicker of lust, shivers fearfully. Britney feels the tremor and can't suppress a grin. THIS is her favorite time of a fight; after an opponent is beaten, knows she's helpless and when the first glimmer of realization of the price of her defeat starts to dawn. It's when some try a last time to resist - others overcome the revulsion, choke back their pride and to avoid further pain and punishment.

Jessica chooses the latter course and her body slumps back, limp and unresisting; watching through hooded lids as Britney carefully folds the wet bikini bottom and lays it on the seat near the door. Britney slides her foot up Jessica's body, wiggling her toes under her top, pushing the wet material up until she feels the hard, stiff nipple with her toes. Reaching out her hand, Britney curtly snaps her fingers, the SNICK sounding like a gunshot in the still, humid air of the sauna.

"Gimme!" she says, her voice gruff and raspy with lust. Jessica arches her back, reaches behind her and releases the catch of her top. Sliding it down her arms, she holds it up meekly; her head bowed; unable to make eye contact with the dominant blonde who conquered her so totally she no longer dares deny any request - although Britney's 'requests' aren't requests, they're demands!

Britney stands over Jessica, unable to stop grinning as she slowly works her own suit down over her hips, letting it slide down over her thick, muscular thighs to land with a wet SLAP on the floor. She steps out of it and bends over, gathering up a fistful of Jessica's golden hair in her fist, grunting as she pulls the limp young blonde up to a sitting position with her back against the wall. Then Britney edges forward, pressing her hips against Jessica's red, flushed, face, grinding her bristle-brush bush on the nose and mouth of her unresisting victim.

"You know the drill, Jess!" Britney intones as she cocks her hips, her labia spreading wide like the petals of a sweet flower opening. "It's time for us both to enjoy the sweet taste of success. Me for winning and you for earning the right to stick your tongue in the world’s sweetest pussy!"

And Jessica can't argue; Britney's taste will linger on her tongue (and in her memory) for a long, long time, a sweet reminder of the perils - and pleasures - to be gained in these 'unique' contests!
Part Eight: Jessica Simpson vs. Christina Ricci

After her devastating defeat at the hands of arch-rival Britney Spears, Simpson disappeared from the fight scene for several months, firing speculation she’d been so badly humiliated she’d never show her face again. But just when it seemed the rumors might be true, her publicist announced she’d signed to fight again although her choice of opponent raised some eyebrows!

"I'll carry Jessica just about as much as I did Charlize in 'Monster'," Ricci quips prefight. "Trust me Jess: if they ever hand out Oscars for ass-kickings, you'll be a shoo-in once I'm done with you!" Simpson seething, but not all that gifted at repartee - lots of glares, pouty indignation and clenched teeth from blonde as Chrissy wipes up the dais in prefight. Pundits expecting rousing bumper-car punching from both curvy juggernauts - purists may as well go to the concession stand.

Simpson in her DOH pink bikini, Ricci tawdry in black suede bikini with western fringe.

Round 1: As promised - girls wade into each other all jiggles, mindlessly belting each other senseless. Both loading up and winging, chins up, chests out - rights and lefts swinging, bodies falling into each other and shoving off. Midway through, Jess gets into a groove, bashing Chrissy's jaw right/left/right as Ricci stumbles forward and STAGGERS TO ALL FOURS!

Simpson stooping forward and hooting in derision - ref bundling her back as Christina takes a hurtin' 8. ON COMES JESSICA! Simpson POURING herself into Ricci's bulging rack - blonde setting her feet, twitching her shoulders side to side, just bashing short lefts and rights tidy against Ricci's helpless hooters. Christina stunned, flabbergasted at the jug mugging - BUT SLAMMIN' BACK IN KIND! Jess has her turn, Chris leans and chugs away with similar rapid, short-arm lefts and rights - no back-swing - all twisting torso and shoulders behind the bumping blows. Bell: girls intent on flattening the offending bosom in front of her - ref has to tug slugging vixens apart as crowd roars in appreciation.

Round 2: Ricci hurts Jess with right hands, pounding away to jaw as Simpson blunders recklessly forward - Chrissy able to shove Jess upright, body her back and go to town on those mouthwatering blonde melons! Ricci treating herself to great heaping mittfuls of jug, swabbing away in close with that swishing side to side motion BUT JESS WON'T HAVE IT!

Simpson stunned, but trudging into Ricci - hectic, bashing back and forth sees both women slip into a punch-numb stupor. Ricci scrubs her way up into Jessica's rack, pounding Simpsy flat - then Jess wades in, backing Chrissy up and it's her turn to pancake puppies! Girls fall in together, getting sloppy late as furious pace, ruinous punishment adds up - both lifting repeat right hands into struggling tummies while laying in mouth-on-shoulder.

Round 3: Jessica hurts Ricci with blunt right hands on the ear, then a walking barrage of lefts and rights to the head, driving brunette into ropes. Simpsy riding her guard onto Ricci and smearing her sideways, then packing leather into tender gut, juicy jug, shiny flank. Simpsy piling her body onto Ricci to smother the receipts, slugging then crowding in a wriggling blonde blanket attack. Ricci reaching under Simpson's arms and easing her off, then punching Jess in the body crude right hands - no science at all as compact vixens plug away. Jessica in a groove late - head down, shoulders rotating - she's just pumping up into Ricci's pudgy paunch. Chrissy drooping, arms over Jessica's back, Ricci's mouth open in silent protest and CHRISTINA GOES DOWN! Ricci on all fours, wheezing with punishment - Simpson shouting, "ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS!" as ref moves in. Bizarre.

Round 4: OH they CLANG away. Stupid, face to face slugging - girls heaving away from the hips, over swinging, tumbling into each other. Fight careens off all four sides of ring - now Ricci on top, now Jessica. Time and again, girls tuck into one another's racks with sheer malice; muscling in there tight and scrubbing, pumping, chugging away. Both crying freely, snarling as hurt piles up. Final minute - Jess bends in with a tidy hook, clipping Ricci's chin even as SHE'S trying to hook: Chris staggers stunned into the ropes, limbs suddenly limp as Simpson surges in. Jessica pushing up on Ricci's right shoulder and POUNDING away belly free right hands. It's all too much - Christina groaning, sinks to her hands and knees - Jess takes the opportunity to lift her knee into Ricci's ribs to roll brunette onto her hips. Ricci blubbering, trying to climb ropes - ref holding Jessica back.

Round 5: Jessica driving in on Ricci, stacking brunette in her home corner, jostling and bumping up on her, then going trunkline with heroic blonde punching. Busy chugging action - Jess' head under Ricci's chin - fists pumping into weary tummy meat - Ricci takes another knee as Simpson shrieks in jubilation.

Quaking ‘eight’ Chris, Jess wades on in, now looking to finish. Simpsy dukes up, leaning in with head and guard - trying to brace Ricci, then slug her body, swat her ears, jawline. Ricci leaning forward in similar posture, fronting her guard on Jessica - timing little uppercuts onto blonde chin, hooking Jessica's liver. Slug n' bump sees girls reverse positions - Jess in the ropes and Ricci starts putting punches together. Right hand on the ear, left uppercut - another right hand - Simpsy holding it together behind her gloves, just stooped forward and taking. Chrissy wedges in under Simpsy, propping her up with a shoulder and Ricci starts DIGGING: multiple lefts, multiple rights - brunette just getting all up in there and SIMPSON GOES DOWN! Jessica on hands and knees when CHRISSY POUNDS A CHEAP RIGHT HAND TO THE RACK!

Ref bundling Ricci off - Simpsy wailing in protest, straggly blonde hair in her eyes. Achy eight Jess - then Ricci wading in hard-eyed to gobble up the dregs. Jessica slumping into the ropes, face in gloves - tummy and tits go on sale as Ricci sets her hips and rips away unmolested to the bell...AND BEYOND! Ref has to pull 'Tina off her prey as Simpson snivels in hurt.

Round 6: Pace slowing, but not the ferocity - both girls damaged goods but hungry for victory. Sloppy, high risk slugging - Ricci looping righty over top, gets hung up on Simpson - Jess able to slug that chugging right hand to body and trunks, bumping Ricci's hips back. Hot n' groggy in close: Jess with her cheek wet on Ricci's shoulder, eyes closed, lips working the word, "Tummy...Tummy..." with every plugging punch to brunette midsection.

Girls riding guards onto each other, pushing each other back, smearing each other sideways. Constant, willful, jug-mugging - as soon as one fits a tasty hook or smutty right hand in there, the other answers back double and soon they're trading whole-hog to rack. Down the stretch, Jessica breaking down a little starts to stumble forward - Ricci stepping back in good order able drift lefts and rights across the chin PUTTING SIMPSON ON ALL FOURS!

Jessica trembling with hurt and disappointment, legs shivering as she gingerly stands - she covers up cowering as Ricci pins ears back, lets hands romp all over blonde at ropes to bell. Chrissy hauled off once again: eyes blazing, chest heaving: all she wants is more Jessica!

Round 7: Ricci's feeling it - she's coming forward, bullying Jessica, breaking her spirit, riding her into ropes and bludgeoning her. Nothing back from Simpson - she's grumpy as she covers up and takes in her ribs, blubbery as she crosses her arms, leans forward and takes it on the chin and flanks. Ricci breaking on Simpson in waves, slugging, bodying up and driving Jessica into ropes - blonde growing rag doll as punishment adds up. Chrissy loving it to Jessica's trunks and belly - not intentional low blows, but the pace, exhaustion, adding up in both women - accuracy not high on anyone's list tonight. Simpsy hurt, but showing grit - she keeps her feet, takes it bell to bell and sags in the ropes late as Ricci gorges herself with fistfuls of jug at the break.

Round 8: Not a lot on Jessica's punches - Ricci wading through it, clubbing Jess right hands upside the head; chin-checking Jess the little left uppercut, then gutting her the hard left hook to liver. Simpson pressed to the ropes and bullied once again - she just can't get Ricci off her chest. Chrissy palming and smothering, holding Jess down and punching her stomach right hands, wriggling to shift weight in order to get multiple left hands up underneath. Midway through, poor Simpson breathless, distraught - sinks to her knees under the non-stop barrage - Ricci crowding in close to loom over top and taunt her. Jessi rolls onto her right hip, reaching up with a plaintive left hand to push against Chrissy's dominant stomach.

Round 9: Jessica beats Chrissy to a series of raunchy lefts and rights to the face - Ricci beaten steadily backwards, finally covering up as back hits ropes. Jessica workmanlike - palming Ricci, pushing up on her, then ripping hooks to waist - systematically abusing body to bring those hands down. Christina drooping forward, sobbing from body shots: Jess arches her back, picks up chin a gorgeous left uppercut and spills Ricci backwards into the ropes!

ROMP! Jess squirming away to pound rights and lefts in a sudden torrent to Ricci's chest and face - shell-shocked brunette beaten to a seat against the ropes, gets her inner thighs trampled as Jessica stomps for balance. Sniveling eight for Ricci - deep breath Jess as she steels herself, wades on in. Jessica giving it to Chrissy hard in the body, driving up with shoulders and elbows to stack Ricci upright and prevent the clinch. Jessica going jugG with heartless abandon - tight right hands over and over, tidy hooks - always muscling Ricci back into the ropes to prevent her from covering up. Chrissy distraught, groggy, unable to protect herself - she suffers a romping Jess Simpson shutout as blonde pours it on to the bell. Simpsy's turn to gloat, loving the throbbing hurt emanating from Ricci's battered torso.

Round 10: Both beauties sobbing for air, baring parched throats during the break - trainers trying to massage life back into numb legs, humming arms. Battered vixens stagger to midring, fall in together, then bump and slug at close quarters. Face blank, all auto-pilot slugging - tummies and tits on sale as girls bash away mindless. Jessica getting the better of it toe-to-toe, steadily forcing Ricci to ropes, but Chrissy never giving in, keeping her head in close to Simpson and hoisting punches into that offending blonde midsection. Down the stretch: all jug, all the time, back and forth. Mouths hang open, eyelashes flutter as first Chrissy, then Jessica takes her turn shrugging short lefts and rights to opponent's bulge. Bell - neither girl aware - they're still mashing melon when ref finally pries 'em apart.

Comes back one point decision...Jessica Simpson!

Afterward: Ricci wiping disappointed tears - Simpson hands on her mouth as SHE breaks down into wracking sobs of jubilation - draining brawl a crowd-pleaser to be sure. "I liked that Ricci brought it to Jess all night long," says a beaming Jessica Lange, "and Simpson threw it right back at her. We know Jess can pound a defenseless girl like Lohan, but this bout shows she's all about heart and grit under that gorgeous exterior. She basically made Christina quit tonight - that's all we ask of any Krusher." Simpson pounding away with fists and crazy nonsequetures: pleasing combination of ditz and dukes endearing her to fans in ever-increasing numbers.
Part Nine: Jessica Simpson vs. Britney Spears (JMD)

At the customary day-before-the-fight presser, Simpson refused to talk about her absence, the reason behind it or to take any questions about her “Struggle in the Sauna” as it had come to be known - as soon as video of it (from an undisclosed source) appeared on the Internet. Her only reference at all came at the end of a different question when she obliquely referenced it, saying, “I’m back and I’m not just bad - I’m mad! There’s only one way to respond to what Spears did; I’ve gotta get back up on that horse and ride it!”

Simpson went on, “I thought when I took 'Dukes' away from Britney, that was Spears waving the white flag as far as competing with me - OK, outside of a sauna, anyway. From that point on, it's been all ME, all the time! Now the only time you hear about Britney is when she's dropping her kid on its head or showing her privates in public. But even though I've totally crushed Britney in the entertainment world, there's still work to be done IN the ring. She's finally coming at me JMD and I couldn't be happier. Now I'll get to complete my life's work: tearing down Britney Spears, Inc!"

Spears remained stoic throughout the verbal assault - she's used to being savaged in public attacks by enemies so Simpson's rhetoric came as no surprise. "Same old Jessica," Britney says sympathetically. "Still obsessed with me. Still hating. I'm looking forward to this, because JMD is where she lives - its the heart and soul of who Jessica Simpson is. Beating her JMD is going to crush her spirit, and for once, I'm not going to pretend that’s not what I want. I've had a tough couple of years and nobody's enjoyed it as much as Simpson. Well, now it's MY turn."

Britney in lime green bikini, white gloves - Jessica in pink 'Dukes' bikini (the one Spears “should have had”) white gloves.

Round 1: Jess hurtling into Brit at the open - flailing, batting rights and lefts bouncing off Spears' head and shoulders. Brit spluttering, turning her head to the right while extending her left arm out straight - li'l Simpsy swinging away fat to back, tummy as Spears edges sideways to ropes. Simps driving in headlong, taking Britney heavily in the belly with a deep shoulder-block/tackle - blondes bounce off ropes, tumble all a-jiggle to canvas as crowd roars in approval.

Spears to all fours, shaking her head, eyes wide. Jessica pounces on Britney's back, threading the left arm around Spears throat in a blatant choke! Britney gasping, pitching to her right - girls roll to canvas with Jess on her back, underneath - her tummy pressed hot against Britney's back. Jessi's still choking her foe AND now reflexively scissoring up her waist. JESSICA'S PANCAKING BRITNEY'S BREASTS! Simpsy grinning maniacally - choking with her left arm while batting her right arm in a flapping motion over Spears' right shoulder, across Britney's heaving rack - meaty smacks of forearm on jug sound out before ref can tug 'em up, pry 'em apart and read 'em the riot act. Heaving chests, glaring eyes - Britney obviously reeling psychologically as Jessica welcomes her to the whacky world of mindless JMD brawling.

Round 2: Jessica pouring into Britney full-bore - Spears butt-in-ropes, grimacing as Simpsy lands thudding leather tummy, tits and ribs. Britney reaching for Jess, riding the left arm around Simpsy's head and pulling her in close - warm, wriggling clinches evolve as Jess squirms to tuck leather into jug or tummy from inside the grasp. Murky stuff - Britney pulling at Jess, tieing her up, holding and hitting her cute: Simpsy gritting teeth, straining to push at Britney's rounded arms; lowering her head and pumping two-handed to paunch until Spears can wrap up. Britney getting the better of it, clouting and cuffing Simpson's face in tight, then usually smothering the receipt - but down the stretch, Jessica's constant press pays off. Brit riding her forearms on Jessi's back, pushes Simpsy's head down as Jessica's punching to the body - Simpsy inadvertantly chugs away low, burying a series of plugging lefts and rights between Britney's tanned thighs into her green trunks. Bleat of pain, Britney - eyes closed, eyebrows high as she cries out: Jessi erupts out the crouch a big booming hook/right hand!

Spears chin-checked, draping helpless against ropes: SIMPSY ROMPS TO JUGG! Crowd roaring to it's feet and saluting as Jessica hammers FURIOUSLY at Britney's plump rack - glorious hup-hup-hup assault flattens and jostles those beauties as poor Spears is reeling hurt. Bell: Simpsy in there scrubbing - putting as much forearm as leather onto Britney's bulging hooters - ref finally pulls snarling little vixen off her prey as tears push down Britney's cheeks.

Round 3: Britney slouching on ropes again - Simpson pushing in head, shoulders, elbows to pry open the defences so shoving punches can land. Spears with a cramped, unhappy expression: Jessica's squirming all over Brit, making it hard to breath - stamping and jostling and bullying. Brit with a measure of control via the left arm riding over Jessi's right shoulder - Spears able to tuck short right uppercuts to chin or jug while pulling Jessi into the blows, effectively snuggling up as part of the punching action. Simpsy mindlessly pushing blind rights and lefts into Britney's tanned paunch and ribs, wriggling her head in on Brit's chest while pushing at Brit's arms or hips. This is Spears' fight: she's smothering much of Jessica's work, fitting in sneaky right hands and muscling the smaller woman. Jessica huffing and puffing, working hard, but getting bogged down, roughed up in the third.

Round 4: Jessica plows forward: Britney easing into ropes, now more and more comfortable managing the Simpson pressure. Britney accepting Jess onto her chest - left arm guiding Simpsy in, then holding her fast: Jessica's cheek presses warm against Brit's upperchest in sticky-close action. Simpson's curvy little legs stamping, backside trembling - she's pushing into Britney well, but it's not translating into useful punching room as Spears expertly clinches, muscles, and gets the better of it. Brit able to tuck in little rights to the hip and tummy while holding; Brit able to jam righty to jug or cuff Simpsy's face, also while holding. Simpsy increasingly frustrated and worn down - has some success throwing forearms in tight against Britney's tummy - but it's JESSICA drawing warnings from a vigilant ref. Bell: Jessica looking dishevelled - hair all fluffed up, cheeks flushed - Britney purses her lips at her foe while making taunting eye contact.

Round 5: Right uppercut off the ropes, Britney: Jessica clipped HARD, tottering on her right foot a moment, then staggering backward forlorn - Spears steps forward for the first time tonight. Britney wading in - throwing thick right hands at Jessica's paunch, coming back cudgelling hooks on the ear - Simpsy groggily stamping back on her heels, soaking wallop. Midring, Jessica hurt, drops her right foot back, pops hips-right and lifts a glorious swinging hook into Britney's trunks, sending ripples of hurt down Spears' thighs as Brit shudders to a halt. Spears debilitated, tries a pushy little right hand as Simpsy's committing 100% to a crashing overhand right to chin - HEAD SWIVEL BRITNEY as Simpsy wins the race!

Spears tottering to her right, stumbles to all fours - Simpson pours in off the Spears left flank - TACKLING BRITNEY TO CANVAS! Spears groaning - propping on her forearms/chest as her lower body is twisted onto the right hip: Simpsy's draped over top Brit's left hip, tongue pink between her lips as she PUMPS AWAY RIGHTY! Savage, digging, jackhammer rights jam away tummy and trunks: poor Britney paralyzed - bleating in shellshocked pain as Simpson rampages. Spears' full, tanned left thigh comes up to protect ransacked tummy: Jessica pushes it away with the back of her right hand, then gets back to business. The beefy spank of it! Just a thick, moist smacking sound as Jess gets her weight on Brit and pounds away.

Ref pulls snarling Jess off and walks her back: Britney ACHY to all fours, head bowed - cringing and reeling as she gets to her feet. Britney awestruck, hugging her battered tummy as she lolls against ropes - clearly not hearing the ref's 8 count and HERE COMES SIMPSY! Jessica unleashing in a blonde blur - teeth bared, eyes blazing as she HAMMERS Britney's stupendous rack. Oh the humanity - Spears sitting in stupor on the middle strand - helpless, out of it - Jessica POURING it to jug - legs set wide, shoulders and arms working like pistons to shove straight-jamming rights and lefts into Britney-meat. AND THE REF STEPS IN! Spears breaking down into tears of shame as the man hugs her to safety - TKO5 Jessica Simpson!

Afterward: Rarely has a defeat been so utterly demoralizing to a vixen; rarely has victory been so uplifting to a victrix - Simpsy leaping into the arms of assembled KruZherZ; exulting in her finest moment as a professional prizefighter.

"MY JUGS STOPPED HERS!!!" squeals the excited little brawler. Spears hugging her battered goods, blubbering and snivelling - beaten and stopped by Jessica Simpson! It just can't be happening. And it only gets worse.

Simpsy pushing her way into Spears’ corner, shoving groggy Brit back hard to turnbuckle: tidy right hand tucks in deep to tummy as Simpsy leans in close - Jessi's fist pale and hard against Spears' trembling brown belly. "UHHHPP!" Brit jerks forward - Simpsy snuggles her up tight: left arm strong behind the neck, that left hand gripping firm right bicep as right hand clenches a handful of curly blonde Spears locks.

Jessica just beaming - giving Britney a rough side to side shake - Simpsy stepping back all quivering pink buttocks as she struggles with the weight. Crowd roaring: there's Dani Fishel standing, grinning, clapping; there's Jessica Alba drinking in the sight, savoring Britney's humiliation; there's Neve making smug, snide comments to Allison Mack; Christina Millian, Kelly Carlson, Holly Vallance and other poptarts gloating bravely from a distance.

Jessica's right shoulder against ropes, (Spears' left side against 'em) - good long smother has Spears' legs failing: Jessi lets Brit fall to all fours. Simpsy: little hard-working strut in Britney's vicinity - hands out to either side in an ‘It's so easy’ gesture - then she stops, hands on hips to grin down at demoralized Britney. Spears left hand fumbling at the ropes - she rises to her knees, face all shiny and damp - wipes her lips with the back of her right hand. Jessi eases in, takes a careful righthand fistful of hair close to the hairline, pulling Britney slowly, making Spears crawl on her knees with a groggy look of discomfort.

"Up!" Simpsy chirps, pulllling Britney's hair, forcing Spears to slowly rise; hands clutching at Jessica's mean grip. Licking her lips, Jessica folds Britney back into the warm confines of that Double D prison - Spears pushing sadly at her girl's hips as - more punishment for Britney - Jessica stepping backward carefully, easing herself into turnbuckles for support, smiling with unspeakable satisfaction at Spears muffled whimpers and failing strength.

Again, Britney's legs start to give way: Jessica releases, reclines with arms outstretched on ropes as Spears droops to all fours, then sits back on her haunches with a dazed, sleepy expression. Britney's hair plastered wet to sides of her face, in her mouth; lips parted, eyes closed, eyebrows high; sweat dampened skin shines white under hot overhead lamps. Jessica grinning maliciously, stoops at the waist to engulf Britney's unresisting face in her juggs once more, riding Spears down onto her back with Simpsy's hot tummy on top. Fresh snuggling - Jessica's head/hair mopping the canvas near the top of Britney's skull - Jessica's sturdy legs folded up under her so she's on her haunches, pressing weight heavily against Britney's upper torso.

Britney's knees rise, flopping slowly side to side.

Britney's hands push weak at Jessi's ribs, or hug the smaller girl around the back to no avail.

Britney doesn't tap: she knows Jessica won't have it.

Briteny's legs relax eventually, spreading out on the canvas.

The jug-out sends an almost sexual shudder through Jessica's body and she wriggles with the ecstasy of it, clutching Britney the tighter.

Finally - officials move in as Jessica's starting to take extra. Simpson clings to Britney like a prized possession. Strong men have to pull hard at those firm brown arms to drag Jessica off, leaving Britney on her back, arms limp at her sides palms up. Jessica jumping heavily on the spot, juggs a-tossin'! As she stomp-lands near Spears, the ring vibrations jostle the unconscious beauty sending shockwaves rippling through her body.
Part Ten: Jessica Simpson vs. Dani Fishel (JMD)

Simpsy coming in conspicuously heavier than usual - packing on Dani-busting curves in an effort to compete directly on Dani's own ground - and Fishel still tipping the scale at a solid 12 pounds more than Simpson! At press conference - girls stand facing each other, each holding her own mic.

Jessica in pink tshirt twist-tied 'neath her jugs - points her index finger at Dani's melons. "Those," Jessi vows, "are never gonna be able to stop THESE," gesturing with that finger to her own world-class zepplins.

Dani in baby blue tshirt twist-tied 'neath her jugs, responds, "Those," her tone mocking, her finger waggle gesture mimicking Jessica’s with unabashed contempt. “Are NOT the fattest part of your crappy little body anymore, PORKY!"

That's it! Jessica's into Dani's hair with a shriek; curvy little bodies writhing and rolling on the dais, then tumbling off and down onto the floor - hellions clawing and digging, pink on blue; blue on pink; pink on blue; blue on pink; scattering press in their wake.

Dani in navy bandeau bikini, large baby blue polka dots, white aerobics shoes and socks for a ballistic, stocky/curvy look. Jessica matching Dani curve for curve in pink Dukes bikini, white aerobics shoes and socks. White gloves all around - hair loose and long down opposing backs.

Rounds 1-2: Hurtling chaos - li'l jigglers banshee-wailing off their stools, catapulting into each other, pitching each other to canvas, then struggling all quivering thighs and backsides to wrestle on top, each pluggin away at the trapped vixen beneath in turn. Tawdry, tawdry stuff - girls heartlessly slamming punches from behind; on her knees, while the other sits in blinking, open-mouthed, stupor. Girls cross-body each other, then slam away right handed to tender tummies as the down-vixen wriggles and flails her legs in numb outrage. At one point in the second round, both girls tumble out of the ring onto the time-keepers table; legs thrashing; arms windmilling; fists kneading and mauling. Ref under constant duress - he's exhausted - girls're exhausted. Wild, reckless 6 minutes to open: not one clean boxing-style punch landed by either vixen!!

Round 3: Standing, slugging action as girls settle down, plant and pitch. Backs straight, eyes flashing, teeth bared - vixens punch straight lefts and rights at each other - gloves often intercepting and batting together as each girl slugs criss-cross to the other’s offending juggery. Dani getting the better of this dutiful chugging - punching flat to Jessica's shiny face and clubbing crisp to her bulging hooters. Simpsy bravely facing into the blows and answering back, giving ground grudgingly as Fishel's forced to fight for every inch of canvas. At the bell: both girls SPENT - hands on hips, deep ragged, heaving, breaths; hair ragged and damp to shoulders and molded to breasts as each walks gingerly to her respective corner.

Round 4: Crowd roars when Dani's back hits ropes; Jessica simply driving her backward under a walking barrage of fists and shoulders. Fishel laboring, scowling in complaint - Jessica leans into her to stack - right palm rudely pushing up under Dani's face, bending head back; then Jessi draws the right back and plunges her fist deep in Dani's pudgy paunch.

"OH!" Dani pitches forward, gutshot. Jessica very workmanlike; lips curled off her teeth as she leans down, gets under and stacks Dani upright again.

Another plugging, flat right hand takes Dani in her tummy. "UNH!"
Another! "UNNHHHH!"
Another! "UPP!"

Just a sensuous, big-girl job of work here as Jessica puts body on Dani, stacks her up, rams her home, then starts all over again. Fishel ragged, swooning - Jessica just working methodically here, putting the extra weight to good use. Simpsy reaches under Dani's beefy arms, chests her into ropes, then lifts the broad, beefy muscle of the right thigh up into Dani's tired paunch! Meaty smack - cry of distress from Dani. Ref finally pulls Jessica away with a stern finger waggle as Dani's gasping for breath. Chastised, Jessica walks back in, bodies Dani upright - and jams a right into her midsection! Fishel sobbing for breath - Jessi finally squares away and POUNDS Dani's rack, jackhammering little bleats and blurts of pain from her woozy foe. At the bell: Jessi's still stampin' - blonde in a little world of her own here, hammering on Dani's hooters.

Round 5: Both girls winded, deliberate in their movements, mouthbreathing - but it's Jessica taking it to Dani - all around the ring. When they tumble to canvas in beefy embraces - it's Jessica wriggling and scrambling her way on top, getting in cheap little digs until ref can pry her off. When they go to ropes, it's Jessica bodying Dani - bullying and banging, holding and hitting. Simpsy frequently warned for lifting her right inner-thigh into Dani's body while hugging Fishel up high under her arms. Fishel’s corner screaming objections from across the ring - Dani all hugging herself and cursing the official - Jessica petulant, frowning as she's berated, then she wades right back on in to work on Dani. Round finishes up with Jessica riding her left arm across Dani's back at the ropes, slumping Fishel forward for pumping right hands belly and breasts. Fishel open-mouthed, just sopping it up: ref has to enforce the bell as beefy Jessica just keeps stuffing her girl full of leather.

Round 6: Plodding, tragic work now - both girls completely drained - wandering into each other and buffetting away at random. Fishel catching her second wind - driving Simpsy to ropes. Dani's turn to push and stack Jessi upright, then draw the right hand back, thrust it home to midsection. Simpsy cramping forward with wounded "UPP!" as Dani rams into breadbasket. Fishel's back and shoulders shiny with sweat - hair clinging to her arms and chest as she slams away. Dani working out of the wrap now - riding HER left arm across Jessi's shoulders, slumping blonde forward for plastering right hands belly and breasts. Simpson sobbing aloud - her right hand loose 'round Dani's lower back as Jessi's curvy legs shudder and shake. Stack and jam, stack and jam - Dani just putting body on Simpsy and paying her back: it's slow, sultry, beefy work through 6.

Round 7: Girls aren't recovering during breaks - both are spent - they wander off their stools hands on hips, mouths wide open as they close. Sad, shabby slugging here - Dani with her left hand still on her hip as she clouts an overhand right to Jessica's temple: Simpsy reeling to her right, stomping away with her back turned to Dani, buttocks cranky in pink. Dani stomping in, but wide open: Jessica suddenly wheeling with a right hand from South Texas clocks Fishel a looping roundhouse upside the head - twisting her 180 degrees to her right and sending HER staggering away all wobbly butt. Back and forth - exhausted wallops and walk-downs: punch for punch, it's Jessica. Dani repeatedly bodied to ropes and abused: Jessica sloppy with her right hand, fetching Dani as much crotch as belly and breasts. Poor Fishel just sobbing out, pitching forward into Simpsy's greedy arms, getting stacked as brutal, bludgeoning action reels into late innings.

Round 8: No rest for either lass, no escape - sobbing, they fall together, holding and hitting, stamping around all stocky-legged and quivering tummies, trying to find the other's off-switch. Agonizing to watch - it's just girls taking turns hurting each other, because neither can deny the other anything. At times, Dani might sag against ropes, her right arm across the top strand as she's dragging in breath, while Jessi stands just a few feet away, doubled over, hands on knees, belly panting, body shuddering. They rally and attack from the brink of quitting time and again - each 100% committed to the destruction of the other. Round to Dani for those scoring at home - but really, both are being used up through eight!

Round 9: Jessica on Dani at the ropes, working out of the wrap, plugging away those dutiful, cramming right hands tummy and tits, tummy and tits. Fishel sobbing now when touched - just sobbing, jerking forward - face twisted in anguish as Simpsy plunders. Jessica pounds away to her heart's content in that first minute, but then she tires and Dani’s able to belly up, wrestle her foe into the ropes and go onto the offensive. Same crude right hands jammed into trembling belly and hulking rack. Dani working out of the wrap, still crying herself, but drinking in Simpsy’s sobbing shouts like vintage wine. Thudding, sweat-sodden punches - Dani's brawny, rounded bicep and shoulder going to work on Jess, processing her - and it's all too much. Jessica finally droops forward, pitching onto all fours. Dani steps back, hands on hips - head tilted back, she shrieks "YES" then staggers away, too exhausted to pursue Jessica to canvas. Simpsy beats the count, but she's ramshackle, reeling, crying: Dani plods back in to work her foe over crudely to the bell. Right hands jammed flat to jug, over and over: Simpsy just bleating in protest.

Round 10: Dani stomps to Jessica, slamming Simpson in the corner, pancaking her puppies! Trainer Janet Jones pursing her lips, crossing her arms, silent; she knows Jessica's done - this is Dani making it official. Brutal, cramming right hands, then full-bodied stacking of Jessica. Simpsy whimpering all groggy and breathy - grunting as her belly or breasts get stuffed - eyelashes fluttering shut. Dani pushing in - squirming to keep her weight on Jessica; ramming away one right hand at a time. Jessica no longer competing - stacked up, helpless at the ropes. Simpsy's head falls back at last, baring her throat, hands drooping to her sides as Dani's reloading that workmanlike right but the ref jumps in and ends this thing before Fishel can bury it deep.

TKO10 in barbaric, brutal, fashion, Dani Fishel!

Afterward: Simpsy slumped against ropes - hair all frizzy and bedgraggled; pasted to her shoulders and breasts; long down her front. Dani standing right there, spits out her mouthpiece, uses her teeth to gnaw the tape from her gloves. Hungrily - she tells the ref, "Gitter gloves off!!"

Jessica just slouching, eyes half shut, sullen, lips parted, her arms limp as the ref tugs at her mitts. Dani finally doffs her mitts and leans in, reaching for Jessica's damp skull - Simpsy still wearing her right glove as the ref staggers back.

Fishel brutal, roughly clamping Jessica’s blank face in a secure lock, plunging it deep into heaving cleavage. Left arm wrapped snug behind the neck; left hand clutching right bicep; right hand clamped tight to a fistful of damp blonde hair. Poor Simpsy's gloved right hand paws weakly at Dani's lower back, helpless. It's all Dani Fishel as she’s giving the old Breast Smother to Jessi, all one way. No resistance from Jessica; her butt stuffed in ropes as she sits and soaks, sopping up jugg from Dani.

Fishel in strong, resting her left cheek on Jessi's head, letting her muscular arms and bulging breasts do the hard work of putting Simpsy away. Feeling Simpsy relax and soften - Dani finally releases - stepping aside; letting slumbering blonde drop tits first on the canvas. Dani seething; hands on hips; chest heaving; stalking; still angry as her corner timidly approaches to coax their fighter away before she’s tempted to go back for seconds.

“That little bitch will KNOW better’n to mess with THESE!” Fishel snarls at wary camearaman, thrusting her sweaty jugg-a-licious sweet mounds into the camera; leaving a damp, misty blur on the lens. “Whaddya folks at home think, huh? Are these the greatest or what?”

As Fishel continues her interviews straddling Simpson’s prostate body, Jessica’s only reply is to roll onto her back with a soft groan; legs falling open; tummy pumping rapidly as her lungs struggle to repay oxygen debt; her defeated breasts heaving as her 175 IQ struggles to push back the fog so it can comprehend what happened.
Part Eleven: Jessica Simpson vs. Paris Hilton (the climax)
by Jackflash

(This snippet is the only record spectators at a private apartment wrestling match were able to secretly record. The fight was described as “a titanic Struggle between two willful blonde bombshells” by Jackflash who provided this narrative)

The two blondes had been battling tooth and nail for nearly forty minutes; the advantage switching back and forth several times. Now, at last, it seemed the end was finally in sight. And as all knew it must be, it was a battle of scissors which would decide the struggle. Paris and Jessica had one another locked in what could be described as the '69 position'; their powerful thighs each locked tight around the others head as both beauties poured the last of their strength into the steel band-like vise holds.

The long struggle had stripped both women of any pretension of civilization - along with their clothes! Paris was no longer the haughty heiress; Jessica no longer the virtuous girl next door. Both blondes had been reduced to snarling alley cats; clawing and howling in a war for supremacy. The agony was staggering as they crushed one another, their pained gasps turning to moans, then cries, and finally to wails as tears streaked their red faces as their lungs sucked precious air through slack-jawed mouths.

They couldn't humanly continue this punishing duel for long...and it was only a matter of minutes before one beauty's body could no longer obey her mind's commands. The only question was which warrior would surrender first? The answer came suddenly and unexpectedly as, with a sobbing howl mixing anguish and submission, Jessica's body went slack; all her power drained. Her sculpted legs lifelessly slipped away from Paris' head, freeing the blond heiress.

After several moments of continuing to apply her own crushing scissors, Paris eventually released the whimpering Jessica. But if the busty young singer thought surrender meant the end of torment, she was about to be cruelly taught otherwise. Pulling Jessica up to a sitting position, Paris sat on the floor behind her and snaked her wiry legs about her rival's waist.

"Wh...what are you doing?" Simpson groggily asked. Then, realizing what is in store, she cried out, "NO! I gave up! Please don't!" But her plea fell upon deaf ears. Hilton, who moments before had been on the verge of physical collapse herself, now seemed to have raw power incarnate coursing through her body - as if, like some kind of power vampire, she’d sucked the strength from her foe’s body and made it her own!

Paris channeled that new reservoir of power into her newly revitalized legs and Jessica let out a banshee wail as Paris' scissors crushed her ribs and flattened her bulging breasts. "So," the heiress sneered. "You were going to 'shut ME up'? Kick MY ass? Well my dear, you're as pathetic as all the others who tried and - like you - failed."

Jessica's only reply was a shuddering mew of agony. Her head began to sway from side to side, then lolled forward, her chin on her chest as unconsciousness began to claim her. Looking out into the crowd of spectators with glassy eyes, ‘Simpsy’ saw one face in particular and reached out with a trembling hand toward him, pleading desperately, "Nicky...someone,.. help me...please?" But like everyone else who’d gathered to witness this struggle, Jessica's husband Nick Lachey, sat unmoved, transfixed by the spectacle of Paris destroying his beloved Jessica. He would not...could not...intervene.

Coldly, Hilton tells her victim, "You're nothing but poor white little bitch." Giving her legs another couple of hard pulses, Paris demands, "Aren't you!"

Jessica gasps, gulping oxygen into her burning lungs; her bare breasts heaving; crying so hard her whole body shudders, then her final bit of resolve cracks and her resistance melts away! "Yes! I...I'm white trash!" she whines.

Paris smiles cruelly, enjoying the sexual high of her dominance; demanding more than mere submission. "Very good, my little bitch. Now, tell everyone who's superior!"

"'re better....unnngh...better than me," Jessica sobs between trembling whimpers as tears stream down her cheeks, dribbling off her chin, mixing with the accumulated sweat from two aroused bodies to put a shimmering shine on her famous, jiggling, bare breasts. "Puh...please...let...unnnnhhhh...let me go?"

But of course, the haughty heiress does no such thing! Instead, Paris continues her python-like crushing of the nubile young blond until, unable to expand her impressive chest to inhale, Jessica succumbs to the blackness and her body goes limp with a final, agonized, shuddering, moan.

Paris slumps onto her back, her tightly compressed legs trembling as she slowly parts them and, grunting with the effort, rolls Jessica’s limp body off her lower thigh. Rising on rubbery legs barely able to support her after the long, brutal battle, Paris lifts her leg and plants her foot on the heaving chest of her defeated blonde rival. As she raises her arms, flexing, she bellows, "I am UN-beatable. Do you hear me? IN-FUCKING-VINCIBLE!"

As Paris rose and took a deep breath, she was surrounded by the women who’d been sitting and silently watching the destruction of Jessica Simpson, slapping her on the back and congratulating her on her “outstanding victory.” The women included some of Jessica’s biggest “fans”: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Eva Longoria, Dani Fishel, Lindsay Lohan, Alyssa Milano, Christina Ricci, Salma Hayek and the woman who’d secretly arranged for this fight, the laughing, leering, Britney Spears!

“Payback’s a bitch, Simpson,” Brit giggled as she wedged her foot under Jessica’s limp body and heaved her over onto her back. “And so am I! OK girls, let’s give Paris some privacy so she can shower and change. Love, Linds, you two grab “Little Miss 175 IQ” and haul her upstairs. Paris, you’re welcome to join the party - after you shower, of course. It’s gonna be a long night for Jessi, but I’m sure you’ll find it a rewarding one for you. Believe me, the girl may not say intelligent things very often, but she certainly has a talented tongue - and she knows how to use it!”
Part Twelve: Jessica Simpson, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton
by TNT

"Truce, OK?" the tall blonde offered the gorgeous young redhead sitting across from her.

"Whaaa the hell…"

"Look who's coming! C’mon, lez have some fun!" Paris interrupted Lindsey Lohen's surprised, angry reaction to her suggestion of making peace.

Suddenly realizing the opportunity at hand, Lindsey's expression turned to smiling anticipation. Her smile said, "Okey-dokey!"

"Hey, look out! Watch where you're going, you clumsy bitc…Aieeeee. Uhhhhhh. OOOOOhhhhhh. Nooooooo."

Jessica Simpson suddenly was in trouble. Walking across the swanky restaurant, smiling at a waving fan, she ran right into the approaching Lindsey. A PUNCH and a hard SLAP sent Jessica reeling backward - right into the arms of the way too up-close and personal Paris Hilton.

"She said, ‘Watch where you're going’ Jess!" Paris snipped as she backhanded the busty blonde across the face.

Paris grabbed a handful of long blonde hair as Lindsey stepped in behind Jessica, latched onto the back of the neckline of her gown and RIIPPPPPPPPPPP ripped it down hard, opening it up clear to her waist. Then Paris grabbed the front of the loose gown and yanked, letting it pool at Jessica’s feet. As the stunned, and now nearly naked, blonde looked down in dismay, Paris drove a solid punch to each huge beautiful breast.

PAP! PAP! “UNNNNGGGGHHH!” Jessica squealed. "Somebody HELP! Stop them. Nooooo…don't! Mmmmpffffhh!"

Jessica's cries and pleas were stifled by Paris who moved in, grabbed the back of her hair and held tight as she locked lips with her rival blonde’s quivering, pouty, full, lips. Jessica groaned as she felt Paris’ hungry tongue dominate hers.

She heard Lindsey snicker and felt strong fingers cupping her bared breasts, squeezing firmly, then tease the stiffening nipples. Sweat beaded on the embarrassed, but helpless, singer's forehead as she realized she was in a real predicament. Just what you’d expect when feuding beauties make peace - because that’s when the REAL trouble happens.
After several more humiliations at the hands of hated rival Britney Spears - and the dissolution of her marriage to Nick Lachey - Simpson withdrew from apartment wrestling and other “extreme” fighting. She remains active in the Female Celebrity Boxing Association (FCBA) as a flyweight, although she restricts herself mostly to “JMD” bouts where adherance to rules and decorum isn’t as strict as regulated “boxing” matches. She still appears in celebrity wrestling matches - although her diminutive size and lack of bulk puts her at a huge disadvantage - even against the lightest opponents. Her will-to-win and her determination, however, are undiminshed and she remains a crowd favorite - if for no other reason than the prospect of seeing her “girls” unleashed at any second!