Claudia Schiffer vs. Anna Nicole Smith by Southgate 28-Aug-99

With Y2k approaching, Landmark expects record sales of its pin-up calendars and has promised to pay a huge bonus for the top-selling millennium calendar. As part of their kick-off promo to boost sales, they've asked many of their top stars to join them for a beach party. Soon many star-sized egos crowd the beach. A video crew films an interview with a bikini clad Claudia Schiffer. A loud commotion interrupts the interview. The crew stops abruptly as the new and improved Anna Nicole Smith makes her entrance. With not so much as a "We'll catch you later," the crew moves off, camera's rolling to pick up the excitement around Smith.

Claudia finds herself alone. What was a bad mood turns really, really sour. She moves off, away from the hot center of the party and moves slowly towards the surf. Schiffer needs some space. She ruminates as she stares off into the horizon. She's thinking about a big, big bonus. She anticipates competition from Blondage. Their product always sells well. The Barbi Twins are rumored to be returning to the scene. That could be trouble. And Anna Nicole Smith has hooked up with Victoria Silvstedt to do their double blonde thing. Claudia has hated Smith since the big blonde beat her out several years ago for the Guess Jeans contract.

"What a pig," thinks Claudia, "fat or trimmed down, Smith's a pig."

Claudia turns and looks back towards the party. The interview with Anna continues. Schiffer marches back up the beach.

Standing at the periphery of the crowd, then she spits out, "Anna Nicole Smith, you're a pig! You've always been a pig. You can loose 200 pounds and you're still a pig."

Things get quiet, fast. Smith, wearing a leopard skin bikini, moves quickly toward Schiffer.

"Well, well. The old, fat-ass, jello-thigh Kraut super-has-been is jealous. Is that a beer gut, Claudia?" taunts Smith as she pokes a finger in Schiffer's gut.

The woman glare at each other, like two cats about to spit. Schiffer studies Smith's trim down body for a moment. Her eyes zero in on Anna's still voluptuous chest. Smith catches her stare. She takes an aggressive step forward, letting her big boobs press against Claudia's ample but overmatched chest.

"You think you're so hot? Fight me, bitch, right here, right now," challenges Anna.

For emphasis, she shoves her chest forward, and forces Claudia to back up.

Claudia, infuriated, slaps her hard across the face, "I will kick your ass, you pig," she growls.

Smith rubs her cheek and smiles.

"Get that camera rolling, I'm gonna what a copy of this," hoots Anna as she raises her fists and moves towards Claudia.

The German supermodel raises her hand to slap Smith again. Instantly, Anna Nicole' left leg lashes out, slamming into Claudia's belly. Caught off-guard and hurt, Claudia stumbles forward, grabbing Anna Nicole's shoulders to steady herself, she drives her knee up, but misses as the nimble Texan twists away. Smith slaps Schiffer hard across the face, and follows up with a back-hand slap that bloodies Claudia's nose. Smith claps her hands against Claudia's ears, ringing the model's chimes. Claudia, looking as much outraged as hurt, falls to her knees. Smith moves close, wraps her left arm tight around Claudia's neck as presses the model's face into her taut belly, squashing her nose.

"On your knees already," taunts Smith.

She yanks Claudia up by the hair, spins her around and throws her down, face first in the sand.

Anna Nicole steps back. Schiffer scrambles to her feet and charges at Anna. Claudia drops her shoulder low and lunges, grabbing Smith around the waist. But Smith wraps her left arm around Claudia neck, trapping her in a reverse headlock. Schiffer struggles and tugs, trying to pull free. Smith, smiling, seems to be enjoying herself as she plays with Claudia, wringing her neck. And then she beats her right fist into Claudia's ribs and belly. Anna reaches down, grabs onto Claudia's bikini briefs, yanks hard. She spins Schiffer around and tosses her to the ground.

Claudia scrambles to her feet and charges again, leaping in a fury at the big blonde. Smith anticipates her arrival and drives her knee deep into Schiffer's belly. Catching the German in mid-air, Anna tosses her down to the sand. Claudia quickly pushes up on all fours, but Smith kicks her belly, knocking Schiffer onto her back. Moving fast, Smith pumps her foot up and down on Claudia's boobs and belly. She finally stopping to mash her heel into Claudia's left tit. Schiffer cures as she seizes Anna's foot with both hands and twists, dumping Anna to the sand beside her. Claudia leaps up to splat down on top of Anna Nicole, but Smith succeeds in pulling a knee up to her chest, catches Claudia in the belly. Smith shoves Claudia off of her, leaving the model clutching her belly more in frustration than agony.

Quickly on their knees, the women slam together. As they grapple, Anna Nicole slips behind Claudia. Clamping her left arm around Schiffer's throat, Anna grabs a handful of Schiffer's hair. Twisting and yanking brutally, the blonde laughs as Claudia screams.

"I'll tear this German mop out by the roots before we're through" Anna threatens.

Smith's long, strong fingers claw into Claudia's neck muscles. Claudia falls back on her haunches, writhing in the pain of Anna's expert claw hold. Finally, Smith relinquishes the claw. Hair-hauling Schiffer roughly to her feet, Smith holds Claudia close as she plows her fist repeatedly into Claudia's lower back. Schiffer reaches back with her left arm to protect her kidneys. Anna captures her arm and twists it tight into a hammerlock. Schiffer yelps and howls as Anna cranks up on her arm.

Holding the hammerlock, Smith casually unhooks Claudia's bikini top. She reaches around and digs her fingers in Claudia's left tit, forcing the soft flesh to ooze between her fingers.

"Damn nice tits! I'm gonna dig around here to see if they're real," chortles Smith.

Schiffer roars out her frustration as Anna Nicole systematically mauls her tits. Finally reaching a boiling point, pain clears Claudia's head. She pumps her elbow backwards into Anna Nicole's gut with full force again and again. The blows land hard. Hurt, Anna Nicole momentarily loosens her grip allowing Schiffer to pull her trapped arm free. Claudia twists around and slams an elbow across Anna Nicole's chest, pulls down Smith's bikini top and grabs both of her tits.

"You damned bitch, I'm gonna rip your phony tits off," snarls Claudia.

But Smith lashes out with both hands, drags her nails across Claudia's boobs. She seizes the model's nipples between her thumb and forefinger, digs in with her fingernails. Howling, Claudia let's go of Anna Nicole's tits and tries to pull away, but Smith's grip is secure. Claudia screams in agony as her stretched out tits stop her retreat. Smith twists away on both nipples for several more moments and forces Claudia down to her knees. Schiffer is in tears. Her chest is on fire. Anna Nicole yanks up on Claudia's tits, pulling the supermodel back to her feet.

"You're just a saggy old fat cow," Anna laughs.

Claudia uncorks a huge left hand uppercut that thunders into Anna's chin. Her right fist slams into Anna Nicole's belly. Smith's arms drop to her side.

"Keep your filthy claws off my tits!" screams Schiffer.

Claudia locks her hands together, raises them high and slams an ax handle down on Anna's chest. The force of the blows staggers the blonde. Her hands drop to her sides. Claudia draws back her left and lets fly with an elbow that mashes across Anna's chest. Smith teeters, looking like she's going down. Schiffer grabs a handful of Smith's hair, measures her as she pulls back her fist. But Smith beats her to the draw and drives her left fist deep into Claudia's belly. Schiffer, wide-eyed, seizes the taller blonde by the hair and drives her knee up into Anna's crotch. Smith screams, grabs her crotch. Schiffer buries both hands in Anna's hair and yanks her down, driving her face first into the sand. Smith hits hard and rolls to her side holding her face.

"Get up, pig, get up, I'm not done with you!" roars Claudia.

Smith raises a foot and kicks Anna in the ribs as she tries to get up. Claudia straddles the blonde's back and starts punching her in the back of the neck. Smith is shrieking. Grabbing two hands full of blonde hair, Schiffer stands and yanks Smith to her feet. With one hand wrapped in her hair, Claudia grabs hold of Anna's bikini bottom and yanks it up, inflicting a vicious wedgie as she marches a yelping Smith around the sand. Smith finally manages to twist free. She spins around and slaps Claudia across the face.

Claudia pushes out with both hands, shoving Anna away. She glares at the blonde with murder in her heart. Smith, dazed but dangerous, lunges forward, wraps her arms around Claudia's waist. Claudia reciprocates. They trade bear hugs, grunting and straining. Slowly, Anna takes control, bending Claudia backwards. Schiffer rakes her fingernails down Anna's back. Smith shoves Claudia away.

Claudia charges Anna. Two entwined bodies stumble then fall to the sand, rolling over and over. Schiffer manages to trap Smith in a waist scissors. Rolling to her side, she wraps her arms around Anna's neck and squeezes for all she's worth. Smith's body jerks, bucks and shutters as the German's big thighs crush her ribs. Smith manages to roll Schiffer onto her back. With both fists flaying, Smith batters Claudia's ribs and sides, forcing Schiffer to relinquish her scissors hold. As Smith pulls away, Claudia clips her in the chin with a solid punch.

Both women are on their feet. Schiffer attacks. She slams her fist into Anna Nicole's belly and follows it up with an elbow smash across the blonde's chest. Claudia grabs Smith by the hair with both hands, yanks her head down and kicks Smith repeatedly in the gut. Claudia spins Anna around in circles, then drives her face first into the sand.

Straddling Smith's back, Claudia pounds her fists repeatedly into Anna Nicole's face and neck. Anna Nicole's nose is bleeding and her right cheek, obviously bruised is covered with sand and blood. Claudia grinds the palm of her hand into Anna Nicole's cheek, letting the sand scratch into the bruised skin. Finally, Claudia stops, yanks Smith to her feet. Bending Anna Nicole forward, Claudia wraps her arms around Smith's waist then stands her up as she squeezes tight, tormenting Smith her with a reverse bear hug.

Smith gasps for each breath as Claudia's strong arms crush her ribs. Claudia, gaining confidence, presses her locked fingers deep into Anna's solar plexus. Smith reaches back and grabs Claudia's hair. Schiffer pours on the pressure on Anna's ribs. Smith kicks back with her left foot. Her heel mashes into the top of Claudia's foot.

The German's grip loosens, Anna pulls free and drives an elbow back into Claudia's gut. Schiffer slams an ax handle down on Smith's back. Anna stumbles forward. As Claudia lunges to recapture her opponent, Anna Nicole unleashes a mule kick that clips supermodel in the chest, mashing her right tit flat. The kicks propels Claudia backward and leaves her clutching her throbbing chest.

Both women take a few moments to gather their senses. Anna Nicole brushes the sand from her raw cheek. The women circle. Claudia throws a wild punch, Smith blocks it, catches Claudia's extended arm and pulls her into a knee lift. An enraged Smith wraps her left arm around Claudia's head, bends her forward and pounds her belly and tits with her right fist. Anna Nicole beats her foe for 30 seconds. Releasing Claudia's head, Smith shoves her hand in between Claudia's legs, hoists her up and body slams the model to the sand. Claudia's head bangs hard against the ground.

Anna Nicole pulls the dazed woman to her feet, slams a fist into her foe's belly. Smith wraps her left hand around Claudia's throat, shoves her right hand in between Claudia's legs. Smith hoists Schiffer off her feet. Anna Nicole holds the big woman at shoulder height. Schiffer screams wildly as Anna digs the fingers of her right hand into Claudia's crotch. Smith, with a loud war hoot, powers Claudia down across her outstretched knee. Smith smiles as she racks her foe, holding Claudia over her knee. As she claws Schiffer's pussy with her right hand, her left hand pounds down on Claudia's tits. Shoving Claudia to the ground. Anna Nicole stops, stands up and waits, hands on hips, taunting Schiffer to get up.

"Come on, you old German cow, show me how you're gonna kick my ass," jeers Smith.

Slowly, Claudia manages to get back on her feet. Smith waits, a cruel smile on her face. Dazed, Claudia puts up her fists to defend herself, but Smith moves in and simply picks her apart. Smith's fists beat Claudia's boobs and belly relentlessly. Each punch lands with a resounding thud. Anna Nicole begins to dance. She dances behind Schiffer and pounds her kidney. Claudia stumbles to her knees. Smith hair-hauls Claudia to her feet, spins her around backhands Claudia across the mouth. Anna grabs Claudia's left arm and twists it into a hammerlock. Holding the trapped arm near the breaking point, Anna Nicole takes a few moments to pummel Claudia's kidneys. Throwing Schiffer down on her belly, Smith straddles her back while she twists the hammerlock as tight as she can. Schiffer can take no more punishment. She screams out that she has had enough.

Anna laughs, releases the hammerlock and rolls Claudia onto her back. Straddling the beaten woman's waist, Anna runs her hands through her disheveled hair.

"Get ready for a close up here, boys," Anna winks at the camera crew.

Smith slowly inches up Claudia's body, sitting heavily on the model's chest, Anna bounces up and down before inching up further. Pinning Claudia's arms under her legs, Anna squats with her thighs locked tight around Schiffer's head. Anna yanks up on Claudia's head and rubs her face into her crotch.

"Get off me, you pig!" wails an indignant Schiffer. Anna reaches back and drives a fist into Claudia's belly.

"I guess I need to shut you up," laughs Anna.

Smith stands up, turns and drops squats with her hard butt landing heavily on Schiffer's face.

"I win!" declares Anna. "Anyone else want to take me on?