Joan Severance vs. Joanna Kerns/Meredith Baxter Birney/Helen Hunt/Kim Basinger by TNT

"Uhhhhh...I'm gonna kill you."

"Ugggghhh! Argggggh....Oooppffh...Gawwwd that hurts."

"Take this sweetie!!"


The screams, threats, curses, groans, grunts and moans filled the plush room, as the two beautiful women fought like two angry unleashed tigresses. The blonde unleashed a flurry of hard fast punches and followed up with an upper body block delivering on her promise to give it to "sweetie." Two hands reached out desperately to grab the attackers silky blonde locks as the loud angry "Eeeeeyahhh," echoed throughout the ladies room and down the hallway.

"What the hells' going on in there?" the gorgeous brunette whispered to herself as she approached the door. Being quite bored with the lavish Hollywood insider party, Joan Severance had decided to take a break. She had stopped to talk to a few people in the hallway. A friendly conversation turned cool almost immediately and Joan decided to part company before things got heated. She had barely rounded the corner to the little girls room when she heard the tantalizing, exciting sounds of a catfight.

"Hmmmmm, maybe this party won't be boring after all," she mused. "Let's seeeee...."


A vase whizzed past Joan's face, slammed into a large mirror. The vase broke, the mirror shattered, sending pieces of glass to the floor and into the sink.

"All right! Yeah, go girls!" Joan smiled as happily as the cat that just swallowed the canary as she watched two beauties going at it tooth and nail.

"Look out sugar!" the brunette shouted as she watched the blonde drill a perfect punch to her rivals chin. Joanna Kerns smiled gleefully as she snapped Meredith Baxter Birney's head backwards, grabbed the front of her blouse and tore it open. The busty beauty looked more than a bit dazed as she screamed and clawed at her rivals chest.

"No, don't you dare," Joanna screamed as she felt Meredith's fingers hook in her exposed bra and pull down in a seemingly desperation move.

"Hmmmmm, two normally reserved calm, 'soccer mom's' going at it like two hotties," Joan mused as Joanna brought her knee up into Meredith's groin; lifting her up on her toes and jutting her backside out as she caved forward.

"Unnhhhhhh..." Meredith moaned as she dropped to her knees, her shoulders hunched over, both hands cupping her wounded womanhood. Still, although losing, the aging beauty made a winning move by holding fast to the front of Joanna's bra; the material stretching....stretching..... before the front clasp gave way under the strain.

"Fuck you, bitch!" Joanna snarled as she whipped a punch to the kneeling Meredith's chin and then stepped around behind the dazed woman and wrapped her arm around her neck in a chokehold. "I'm gonna wring your neck now, sweetie," she hissed as she tightened her hold.

Joan smiled as she moved a bit closer to get a better view of the action. Joanna's full breasts jiggled erotically, now almost completely exposed in the torn bra.

"Let...unnnhhh...go of (gasp) me," Meredith rasped her voice straining to get her demands past her lips. "Nooooo... ARGGGGGH!" Meredith hit a high note as Joanna's fingers dove inside a lacy bra cup, found their intended target and then squeezed the huge breast viciously.

"Nice move blondie!" Joan muttered with an admiring grin.

"Wha...Uhhhhhh..." Joanna looked up and for the first time saw the unwelcome lurker. But before she could protest, her intended comment became an anguished groan as Meredith's elbow smashed back into her crotch.

Neither woman had noticed Joan enter the elegant ladies room and neither could have predicted what would happen next!

"Uhhhhhh..." Joanna groaned as she released her torturous hold on her rival and her hands went to ease her throbbing pussy.

"So sorry to intrude, ladies," the tall brunette said wistfully as she made a tight fist. BLAM! BANG! Meredith's' already dazed head seemed to spin off her head as two punches greeted her and sent her reeling to the carpet. "Get up blondie, my dear," Joan smirked as she grabbed a handful of blonde hair and jerked Joanna to her feet, then drilled a perfect uppercut to her chin. As Joanna rocked back on her heels, her eyes fluttering, Joan gave her a bitchslap that sent her flying back into the wall. KLUNK! The sound of the lovely blonde head meeting another hard object brought a temporary grin of satisfaction to Joan as Joanna slid down the wall and dropped with a groan to her knees.

"So you like to fight, huh Ms Birney? Well hon, so do I," Joan purred. "Only I'm better at it; better than you, better than your friend there," Joan snarled as she stepped over Joanna and put the downed Meredith in a headlock, then hauled her to her feet. Her fist slammed down onto Meredith's lower back as she bent the upper half back painfully. "I just can't resist," Joan rasped as she unsnapped her new opponents bra and ripped it off all in one smooth, well-practiced motion. She flung it toward the still doen Joanna, laughing, "Here, you wanna little ....OK, I guess its kinda a big... souvenir?"

Joan looked down at Meredith's big, beautiful, full breasts, latched onto one and gave the mound a good hard painful squeeze. Her fingers curled around it, found the stiff nipple and pinched - hard.

"YIEEEEEEEE!" Meredith shrieked.

"Shhhhhhh, proper ladies don't scream," Joan said as she wrapped her arms around Meredith's head in a sleeper hold.

"Noooooumpppfhh..." Meredith moaned as Joan watched their reflection in what was left of the huge mirror; smiling at the erotic tableau reflected by the cracked glass. Meredith, was topless, her once-lovely hair a mess, her huge beautiful breasts swaying and jiggling, her lovely lips gasping for air like a fish out of water while her gorgeous, shredded, dress barely clung to her waist as she went out for the night.

Joan stared at her own reflection and saw that she was, indeed, a true knockout! The sheer filmy thin black gown fit her exquisite, perfectly shaped, body like a glove. The long slit up the side showcased long, luscious perfectly muscled legs, her beautiful face was perfectly made up, her luxurious dark hair glistened in the overhead light and her fiery eyes sparkled with fire.

"Wonder if I can stay like this all evening," she thought as she felt Meredith's body slowly going limp in her arms. "This is gonna be a fun party after all!"

Dropping Meredith in a heap on the floor, Joan headed back to the groaning blonde and asked, "Joanna, my dear! Are you disappointed I interrupted your little tiff with Meredith? I really am sooooo sorry," she teased in a sarcastic mocking tone of regret, using her toe to lift Joanna's chin off her chest. "Upsie-daisy!" she cackled as she grabbed a handful of blonde and hauled Joanna to her feet.

RIPPPPP! "Naa....unnnnhhhh," Joanna's weak protest brought a smile to Joan's face as her strong fingers ripped away the last remnants of Joanna's tattered blouse and relieved the beauty of her now-useless bra.

"Such nice boobs for such a nice wench," Joan snarled as she rammed Joanna's back into the wall, then reached up and cupped her firm breasts; pressing her hard against the wall to hold her upright as she began squeezing, twisting and kneading them. She raised her knee, pressing it into the front of Joanna's satiny skirt as she leaned into her, pinning her like a butterfly on display.

"Unnngggggh...Uhhhhh," Joanna moaned. "Puh....puhlease stop... no more, "Joanna gasped, her hands fluttering weakly up and waving around Joan, flailing desperately until she finally embraced her and grabbed the back of her gown.

"You tear my dress," Joan hissed, her voice full of menace. "And it'll be your last stupid move!"

Joan pinched both of Joanna's sensitive pink nipples between her thumbs and forefingers, flattening the dark nubs and then pulling them, stretching the supple flesh until Joanna moaned, "Uhhhhh....OK," and quickly released her grip on the satiny black fabric.

"Yieeeeech! Sorry, a nice girl wouldn't if you wouldn't, hon. But, I'm NOT a nice girl," Joan smirked as she teased, rolled, then crushed the two rock hard nubs as Joanna's screams filled the room. Then her wailing fell silent as Joan ended her screaching with a quick, solid headbutt. "Silly blonde! Never trust a wily brunette," Joan mused as Joanna's gorgeous topless body dropped straight down the wall on her ass, bounced and then toppled over on her side in a lovely, 'tits up' heap.

"HEY! What the hells' goin' on in here?" an angry, surprised voice cried, the interruption taking Joan by surprise. "Ohhhhh my, did you do....all of this?" the newcomer asked, her eyes scanning the tattered clothing and sprawled bodies. "Why you nasty, nasty, dirty, mean broad, you should...nnnnhhhhhhhh!" The intruder's verbal tirade ended as Joan's fist found its target.

"My stomach....Owwwwwww!" Helen Hunt gasped as Joan's knuckles sank into her naval. The tall blonde staggered backward, grabbed the door on either side of her and then fired off a kick as quickly as she could.

"UNGGGK!" Joan grunted as fiery pain shot up her leg from where Helen's sharp heel had caught her in the shin.

Joan staggered, almost losing her balance and cursing herself at letting herself be surprised by this new opponent. Helen seemed to be quite lucky. Stumbling onto an angry Joan Severance wasn't lucky by any means, but Dame Fortune smiled on Helen when her kick struck and then again as Joan's high heel snapped as she threw her punch. And luck had guided Helen's foot to a vulnerable and sensitive target! All in all, a propituous start for the tall blonde!

"What are you...crazy? Just who do you think you are, anyway?" Helen spouted as she tossed her purse on the sofa and made two tight fists as she readied herself for action. She was in no mood for any crap, especially from a brunette! Helen had a fierce temper - one feared every bit as much as Joan's but she felt a twinge of nervousness as she looked down at her two groaning, moaning, blond sisters who'd been beaten by this perfectly built brunette - or so it appeared! While Helen studied Joan, the brunette was bent over rubbing her gorgeous leg where Helen had kicked her.

"You sure you wanna do this?" Helen asked, not completely sure she really wanted Joan to answer in the affirmative. She didn't know Joan all that well, but she'd heard a lot of rumors and all were that this gorgeous, dark-haired beauty was hot and a feisty fighter who was capable of whipping anyone on a good day! As Joan straightened and started to move toward her, Helen took two steps back, smiling as Joan hobbled unevenly on her broken heel.

"Think, I'll lose these. How 'bout you?" Joan said as she looked down and kicked off her heels.

"Yeah, ummmm...AAAAWCCCK!" Helen took the bait; and as she looked down at her feet and muttered a reply, she started to slip out of one heel. KERWHAM! A high powered steam locomotive hit her full force by Joan's shoulder (at least that's what it felt like) and she was lifted ff her feet and slammed back into the large vanity; her lower back exploding with excruciating pain.

"Fight hint number one, stupid; don't take your eye off your opponent," Joan said as she pushed Helen back down on the large marble sink. Helen gasped and rasped a feeble protest as Joan's strong fingers closed around her throat as she smashed her head repeatedly on the marble countertop. Helen's long legs flailed and kicked wildly, frantically, sending her one remaining heel flying across the room. "Nice! You look so nice and pretty; well - you did!" Joan laughed as Helen's pretty eyes began to glaze over. The blonde's breasts bulged in her tight low-cut dress as she struggled, the dress slowly working its way clear up to her waist as her legs thrashed and waved in the air.

"Now for the fun part," Joan snickered as she sensed her rival weakening. She grabbed the front of Helen's dress in her left hand and tore it open easily, exposing a strapless lace - almost see-thru - bra. Helen screamed as Joan's sharp nails came down and began to rip and tear at her sheer pantyhose.

"Grrawwghhh," Helen bawled, desperate for a glimmer of hope as she reached up, pawing and clawing, snagging Joan's lovely necklace in her blind, frantic attempts to stave off unconsciousness.

"Geeeeeez, now THAT is one BIG mistake!" Joan growled as she felt sudden pressure on the back of her neck, intense pain and then her necklace snapped and with a flash of sparkling diamonds, the lovely piece of jewelry was scattered across the tiles.

"Unnnnnnhhhhhhh," Helen felt stunning, numbing pain radiating outward from the mound between her legs from Joan's angry kneeing.

"You want some real action, honey? Well, whether you want it or not, you got it now!" Joan snarled as she grabbed Helen's hair and jerked her to her feet.

SLAP! "Uhhhhhh." SLAP!! "Unnnnnhhhhhhh...." Blistering open-handed blows and the resulting groans were music to Joan's ears.

As Joan slapped, Helen reeled around the room, bumping into and knocking over furniture and bouncing off walls. Joan walked calmly after Helen, waiting until she regained her balance before cuffing her again, cruelly making the sobbing blonde wait before treating her to still another slap or punch. Helen's bra slowly slid down as she desperately tried to avoid her attackers patiently aimed and perfectly executed blows. Soon, both of Helen's perky nipples made their appearance, then her lovely large areola and finally, both breasts found complete freedom.

"My, my Helen, you hot blonde bitch; don't you know how to wear a bra?" Joan taunted as she watched the gasping blondes bare breasts bounce erotically over the useless black bra which was draped limp around her hips. With a loud energetic shout, Joan jumped in, grabbed the bra and pulled it off.

WHAP! "Ouchhhh!" WHAP! "Oucccch..." Helen groaned as her own bra was turned into a sexy, makeshift whip that treated her stiff sensitive nipples to a painful sting with each swipe of her delighted attacker's arm.

"My, oh my if your fans could see you now," Joan snipped as she lunged again.

"Wha? Nooooo...Awwwwwwck...Umppppfhhh!" Helen's response to her rivals final attack went rapidly from surprise, to desperate protest, to terror as her own bra was wrapped around her lovely neck to choke her.

"Remember, dear, you pretty little blondes should always think twice (if you think at all) before picking on a brunette!" Joan sneered as she tightened the bra's embrace, felt Helen's body stiffen, saw her lovely eyelids flutter and watched their reflection in the mirror as her third rival of the evening slowly slipped into unconsciousness. "Any more excitement and I won't be able to stand it," Joan laughed as she released Helen and let her fall against her thighs, slipping down in a heap at her feet. Then Joan dropped to her hands and knees, looking around on the floor for her necklace. Having collected the various pieces of it, she was just about to rise when....

"Well, well. Look who's back for more!" The taunting, teasing voice echoed down the hallway and went straight into Joan's rapidly beating heart like a cold knife! She bristled as the irritating words seemed to cut straight through her.

"If you only knew what just happened to your stupid comrades," Joan thought as she gave a quick glance at the defeated Helen and the unconscious Joanna as, instinctively, her fingers curled into tight fists.

"Uh-oh; almost forget to check yourself in the mirror, Miss Perfect?" the needling voice resumed its taunting. "That pretty little necklace is outta whack, sweetie," the cackle continued.

"Oh, really, how 'bout you straighten it for me, dearie," Joan retorted as she stepped up and got into the offending beauty's personal space.

"Oh my, folks! Things are heatin' up!" someone in the small group of celebrities clustered outside said expectantly.

"Yeah, when things get catty….look out!" another chuckled.

Everyone in the small impromptu gathering seemed to go into instant freeze frame; each hoping the little tiff would escalate.

"Like I said to you earlier, you'll never be a real star…you're just too icy, tooo perfect. Besides woman, let’s face it, you're just NOT blond enou...Ungggggh!"

WHUMP! THUD! WHOMP! Joan’s first punch went deep into the flat, firm belly. Her knee missed the choicest of target, but it did connect with solid, tender thigh muscle. Her third was a full-strength, upper-body block that sent the lovely blonde tease flying back, her long legs soaring upward and outward - giving the observers the thrill of instant gratification.

"Blonde? Yeah, lady I'm not blonde….but soon enough folks won't have to wonder any longer if you are are aren’t," Joan snarled as she reached down and grabbed a generous handful of Kim Basinger’s lovely golden locks.

"Catfight!" an excited woman screamed - the single most exciting word at any party and certainly at this boring event! The gleeful observers were overjoyed they’d slipped out of the party a bit early as the cool, catty, exchange between Kim and Joan from much earlier had once again resumed - to the delight of the small group of onlookers! Joan was more than merely fired up; she was just itching for a confrontation with the busty blonde who’d taunted her several times before in chance meetings. Now the time to ‘talk’ was past and it was time for ‘action.’

WHAM! "Opppfffh..." Joan grunted, sucking precious air as she lost her hand-hold on Kim’s shimmering tresses.

"Don't make threats you can't keep, bitch!" Kim snarled after she drilled Joan with a wind-stealing punch that felt like it drove the brunettes' naval all the way back to her spine. RIPPPPPPP! "Ohhhh, sorry, that was SUCH a pretty gown," Kim cackled in mock apology as she grabbed the shoulder of Joan's gown and tore it viciously downward. The low-cut, v-neck gown was lightweigth and the cloth came apart easily, barely hanging on around Joan’s waist as she reeled.

"Why, look at those tits!” Kim observed. “They're almost puuurrr-fec...Arggggggh!" Kim's brilliant observation came to a screeching halt and and morphed into an agonized groan when Joan's fist slammed into her full left breast, almost propelling it up and out of a skimpy, revealing bra beneath her own low-cut dress.

"Wanna play dirty, eh?” Joan rasped between gulps of air. “Well, fine! Lets play!" Joan drilled another punch that pancaked Kim's right breast, then grabbed the front of her dress between her breasts and pulled down with all her might.

"Yeah, strip her!" a redhead shouted, clearly hoping to see this (or any other blonde!) stripped naked by this (or any other) beautiful brunette! As she ogled Joan's perfect, full, round, breasts with their hard, thick, up-turned nipples, the redhead had to feel a twinge of jealousy…maybe she really wanted the blonde to win…but then again, she wasn't really sure.

Kim snapped her foot out and kicked Joan squarely in the same spot Helen had earlier. Joan screamed and her face blanched! Surprised at her own strength and cunning, Kim began to do a little dance as Joan howled in pain and hopped on one stockinged foot holding her injured leg.

"God!” Kim giggled as she watched Joan hobbling around red-faced and wincing. “You're soooo easy; such a wimppppp!" she laughed as she danced in and grabbed Joan's hair. "Now I'm gonna finish you OOF....urrrrggggh…"

Kim’s beautiful eyes widened, then rolled as Joan’s fist came in like a rocket and sent shockwaves shooting down from her groin to the tips of her curled up toes! Kim’s legs turned to jelly and as she started to crumble, she felt pressure on the back of her neck, pulling her head downward….WHAM! Joan’s uppercutting fist smashed her nose flat, setting off a million flashing lights in her eyes and through her brain.

"Don't wimp out on me just yet, hon; the fun's just beginning - at least for me and our fans," Joan rasped.

She grabbed a handful of Kim's thick blonde hair, jerked her upright and shook her head back and forth as she pulled her through the watching crowd into the hallway.

"Uhhhhhh…Ohhhhhh…Ouchhhh…HELP ME….” Kim bawled. “Somebody…please….HELP!"

The angry brunette dragged Kim around, banging her into and bouncing her head off of walls and occasionally throwing her against one of the many excited onlookers. More than one lucky "catcher" copped a nice, slow, humiliating, feel of one or the other parts of the reeling blondes luscious anatomy for by this point Kim's dress was in shreds and her overstuffed bra-clad breasts were mouth-watering targets for both women and men alike!!

"Stop it, please! You're supposed to be for ME!" Kim whined angrily as her fans enjoyed the show and slowly abandoned her to began cheering for Joan instead.

"My dear Kim, how right you are,” Joan teased. “Since you're a blonde, everybody SHOULD be cheering for you, right, hon?"

She grabbed a big handful of Kim’s disheveled blonde mop and jerked her head back, then drilled her fist into her chin. As Kim slowly fell over backward across a table top, Joan bent over her and applied a painful face claw to the dazed and groggy blonde.

"Uhhhhhhh...Ohhhhhhhh..." Both women groaned, one in agony, the other in excitement as her muscles bulged and strained to forced her weakening opponent down on her back.

"Opphffffh!" WHAM!! Blinding pain in Joan's skull from an ash tray that had to have been hard as a rock.

The unlucky brunette groaned as the lucky blonde felt the strong fingers slip from her hair and her face. Kim gave Joan a hard shove and was free. She sat up, then stood up and cocked her arm.

"Now prepare to lose to a blonde, you brunette cunt!" Kim growled.

She fired two punches down onto Joan's back, then grabbed her by the hair and spun her around, kneed her in the crotch and sent her sprawling back into the throng of surprised and eager onlookers.

"Get up, Joan! Don't lose to that stupid blonde bimbo," Cat Bell shouted before Charlize Theron grabbed her and pulled her away..

"Gotta….gotta get up….gotta fight back," Joan told herself, fighting the numbing pain and her own foggy mind.

She groaned as she heard a loud RIPPPPPP and felt strong hands pulling at what little remained of her expensive designer gown.

"Nice!” Kim chirped. “Nice ass and nice, lovely long, legs!" Kim muttered as she stared at the gorgeous beauty's long, perfectly muscled legs clad in the finest, sexiest, sheerest pantyhose money could buy.

"Ditto!" a half dozen others chimed in agreement as their hungry eyes took in the sight of the brunettes fantastic beauty.

"Gonna take that pretty little necklace before I strip and pound your tight body," Kim snarled as she leaned down and reached for the dazzling sparklers on the floor where they’d lain since the start of their scrap..

THUNK. "Uhhhhh…" (Translation: That was a really "blonde move” i.e., “a stupid mistake”!)

As Kim’s head snapped backward, her world began to spin and her assumed victory began to dissipate. Long, strong, fast fingers reached out, grabbed and then tightened around her most lovely but vulnerable throat. Steely determined thumbs jabbed into firm, yielding flesh and Kim felt her lovely body seemingly floating downward toward her angry, smirking attacker as two long strong steel python-like legs closed around her and began to slowly squeeze.

"Ughhhh." (Gasp! Gurgle!)

"Having a change of plans dear?" Joan taunted. "Can you brilliant blonde bimbos think fast on your feet? Er, I mean, can you think fast on your back; because that seems to be where you blondes spend most of your time?"

Joan listened intently to the rattling, wheezing, labored gasps that escaped Kim’s quivering, perfect, pouty lips. The blondes legs which had been kicking wildly and powerfully, were now barely moving; slowly sweeping from side to side without purpose or effect!

"Now hon, lets show everybody what you're so proud of, okey-dokey?" Joan laughed as she reached down and hooked her fingers under the bottom of Kim's bra. "Everybody watchin'?" Joan shouted as she slowly pulled her squirming, whimpering captives bra up around her neck to reveal a pair of full, pale, beautiful breasts.

"Noooooo...Ouchhh...Don't....not my boobs, please!" Kim bawled as Joan began to squeeze and twist her breasts, pinching and pulling her erect nipples as she continued to taunt her.

"Bet you wanna know lots more about our ‘favorite’ blonde, right people?" Joan asked, then giggled at their response as well as Kim's. With a burst of energy and an erotic display of her tremendous strength and skill, Joan shifted her weight and dragged Kim into a full body scissors. After that, it was an easy matter for the cruel brunette to quickly shred the rest of Kim’s dress and strip her down to just a pair of panties. "Any bets as to her real color? True blonde? Or no?" Joan giggled while Kim squirmed, squealed and pleaded as her fans shouted out their predictions. "Alright, now everybody look close!" Joan giggled as she slowly pulled down Kim’s silky red French cut panties.

"Noooooooo...pleaseeee...noooooooo," Kim bawled as Joan ran her open fingers through Kim’s thick, lush bush; lifting and holding the tawny, honey-colored hair up for all to see.

"OK, show's over!" Joan suddenly proclaimed as she released her torturous hold. Kim heaved a relieved sigh as freedom loomed, only to scream as she was suddenly vaulting to her feet. "Blonde hair is just sooooo much fun to pull!" Joan chirped as she swung Kim around and dragged her by the hair to a large plush sofa.

WHAP! "Unnnhhhhh!" WHUMP! "Ooopfhhh." Slaps and punches rained down, treating the weeping blonde to more bursts of pain until an extra loud squeal signaled a smack on Kim's lip that added fullness to her already sexy pout.

"You need a good hard lesson in humility," Joan snarled as she sent Kim flying onto the sofa. WHUMP! The arm of the sofa caught Kim squarely in the midsection and as she folded over, her face planted in the seat cushion, her bottom was in the perfect position! "My, my; how sexy… how firm… how inviting," Joan’s observations seemed to turn Kim front cheeks as red as her bottom cheeks were about to become!

WHAAAACK! "Yeooooow!" WHAAACK! "Yieeeeeee..." Joan's hard stinging swats to her lovely rivals sexy, perfectly upturned, derriere echoed down the hall. Kim’s loud protesting groans and squeals also echoed at least until a tall brunette observer came over and sat on the sofa, grabbed a handful of blonde hair and clapped a hand over Kim's mouth, muffling her screams.

"Gosh, it really isn’t true at all, is it?" the brunette said rhetorically with a touch of whimsy.

"What's not true?" Joan asked as she gave Kim’s quivering backside another whack.

"….that blondes have more fun!" the woman giggled.

Laughter, groans, giggles. It seemed - like at least for this evening - like the brunettes were on the right side of FUN.