Celebrity Championship Wrestling Show #9 by bigfan (Promos by Archer)
PROMO ONE: Kristen Bell vs. Beverly Mitchell
Kristen Bell approaches the podium entering from stage right. She waves and smiles happily.
“Hello, CCW fans, I’m Kristen Bell and I’m here to win!”
“Oh, c’mon Kristen, surely you can think of something less clichéd than that?” Beverly Mitchell says as she saunters in from stage left.
“Well, you know how it goes with rookies, we like to stick to the basics,” Kristen replies without missing a beat.
Beverly is now at the podium: “I only came here to make it clear you aren’t getting your first win from me?”
“Anybody else I should be trying? Maybe that Lamia weirdo—say, didn’t she turn out to be Erika Christensen. That must have sucked you getting knocked out by her. You okay now?” Kristen said with a pointed cheeriness that made Beverly flush red.
“I was ambushed and I am fine now—as you’re going to find out!” Beverly declared.
“Well, golly gee, little warrior, you keep your chin up and you’ll beat somebody, someday, it’s just not going to be me!” Kristen assured her with that continuing, infuriating good cheer.
Beverly was now scowling deeply: “You want to start now?”
Kristen held up a hand: “Oh no, I think we should wait for all the fans to be there before we get into it. Of course, they’ll probably have to look quick because I expect you’ll be down and being counted out really fast.”
“Don’t count on it!” Beverly snarled. She looked like she was ready to jump the blonde, but caution warned her it was just what the rookie wanted. So, Beverly shot her a last really murderous look and stomped away.
“Good to meet you, too!” Kristen called after her, seemingly pleased at having gotten Beverly’s goat.
PROMO FOUR: Isla Fisher vs., Lacey Chabert.
“Oh, no! Not her!” Lacey Chabert groaned on seeing the announcement of her upcoming match.
“Hey, She-Bear, we meet again!” Isla laughed as she read the list. “Crikey, you better not leave me unsatisfied this time with that Crotch Claw - I might get mad.”
Lacey stared at the red-haired Australian, never sure if Isla was crazy like a fox or just plain crazy. She regarded her warily, “Most women are pretty scared when I get that Claw into their trunks. Maybe you should be, too.”
Isla shook her head. “No, nope, nada, negative. Crotch Claws don’t scare me a bit. I like’em - long as I’m not left waiting. I want my thrill, if you know wha’ I mean. If i don’t get it….well, don’t say you weren’t warned. But, I’m sure you’ll do right by me this time, She-Bear.”
“IT’S NOT ‘SHE-BEAR’, IT’’S ‘SHA-BEAR’! IF YOU CAN”T REMEMBER IT, JUST LISTEN TO THE ANNOUNCER!” Lacey screamed at the redhead.
Isla merely shook her head, “’She-Bear’ is way much cooler. You should use it. Well, time I was goin’ luv. Remember my warning, no going into my trunks unless you aim tuh finish whatcha start.”
Isla departed the locker room leaving Lacey shaking her head. She was fairly certain this was all a crazy act of Fisher’s to keep her off-balance but Lacey told herself it wouldn’t work. She’d fight as she always did. However, the thought that just maybe Isla really WAS crazy and might do anything - well, that DID nag at her briefly. The busty brunette put the thoughts aside and concentrated on the prospect of getting into XX Division finals.
PROMO SEVEN: Dani Fishel vs. Lizzy Caplan.
At the promo podium, Dani Fishel and Lizzy Caplan entered from opposite sides of the stage and met. Dani extends her hand, but Lizzy ignores the gesture.
“Welcome to the CCW, Dani, Too bad your leaving so soon.” Lizzy said.
Dani looks at her un-shaken hand and smiling says, “I just want you to know: most of what they say about me is true, except that it’s not true, I shower before every fight. Just wanted to reassure you on that one.”
Lizzy’s jaw dropped: “Uh—uh—“
Dani lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper: “You need to learn to make quicker comebacks, Lizzie or people will think your sense of humor isn’t much better than your wrestling.”
“I didn’t come here to be insulted!” Lizzy blurted out.
“Oh? Where do you usually go?” Dani stopped and shrugged sheepishly. “An old one, I know, but she walked into it, like she’ll probably walk into my finisher.”
“I didn’t know the Comedy Club had a wrestling league,” Lizzy snapped.
“Thursday nights as a warm-up act,” Dani said brightly.
Lizzy smiled back: “I appreciate the humor, Dani, and you’ll need it after I spoil your debut, and send you back to that beer house league you came from.”
“You’re certainly welcome to try, but I like it here and I intend to stay a very long time. Consider yourself part of history: you’ll be the first in the CCW to lose to ‘Daring Dani,” Fishel said with assurance.
“The only history you’ll make is losing your debut match, and getting your face rode after wards.” Lizzy retorted.
Dani smile fades: “I guess we’re not going shake now? One of us won’t be able after our fight.” Dani points at Lizzy to empathize
Lizzy gave her a defiant smile and they shook, and then departed the stage.
Harold Green has all the CCW women under 5’6” gathered in the arena, including all three members of the Legion, who stand well apart from the others. Harold is in the ring leaning on the top rope facing the women as he starts, “OK. Starting with the next show we’ll start to decide who will be the first Double X Division Champion.” He steps through the ropes and hops to the floor. “There are more than 16 of you, so not everyone will be involved.” He turns and starts walking away and when they see the promoter isn’t stopping, several of the women demand more details. Harold turns, but keeps walking backward up the ramp as he says, “We’ll let you know who and when you’ll wrestle soon.”
Then he lets the women begin bickering among themselves on the merits of which of them should be in the tournament while the Fans mill into the CCW arena. Quite a few are still in line at the food vendors; waiting to get autographs or buy some memorabilia while a dark match is underway in the ring.
Harold Green is sitting in his office when the door burst opens Richard Fannin and Archer come in, “You watching this dark match?” Rich asks. Harold grabs the remote as he turns toward the flat screen mounted to the wall where a click shows two blondes in the ring - Kirsten Dunst and Agnes Bruckner.
Harold asks, “Agnes doesn’t have much experience, she having trouble?”
Rich laughs, “Not exactly. She’s killing Kirsten!”
On the screen Agnes is dragging a rubbery legged Kirsten to her feet and has to keep Kirsten from falling over as she scoops Kirsten up. Agnes drives Kirsten into the mat with a Michinoku Driver. She puts her legs over Kirsten’s shoulders and reaching down, grabs Kirsten’s right leg pulling it up. The ref has a disbelieving look on his face as he gets down to make the count. Kirsten never moves and Agnes tosses her aside after a three count. Without any celebration, Agnes walks to the rear.
Harold is quickly on his phone, “I want a replay of the entire dark match, and do NOT let Aggie leave.” Turning back to his braintrust he says, “I was trying to give Kirsten some confidence. She hasn’t gotten close to a win yet.”
Archer speaks up, “Agnes ran over her. I didn’t see Kirsten get a single move off against her!”
Shaking his head as they watch the replay of the match, Harold adds, “Agnes’s only been wrestling a few months; had a coupla matches in the development leagues and won both - but I never thought she’d crush Kirsten like this.” The video shows Agnes dominated Dunst from bell to bell.
Standing Harold says, “You two head to your seats; I need to have a chat with Agnes.”
Match One Kristen Bell vs. Beverley Mitchell
Newcomer ‘Kbell’ takes on Bev who also making her debut thanks to the sneak attack of Erika Christensen (aka Lamia) in the first show. Bev is in a pink bikini top and black boy-cut shorts while KBell is wearing a tie-dyed bikini. Before the match Mitchell asks, “Did a crayon box throw-up on your outfit?” Kristen responded, “It is true fat people are funny?” as she flashes Mitchell the ‘bullhorns’ symbol. Bev has to settle for trying to match wrestling holds with KBell instead of wits.
Beverley’s layoff doesn’t seem to effect her as she catches an over confident Kristen and works the smaller woman on the mat. Mitchell gets a couple of near falls by keeping the high flyer grounded but Kristen finally gets an opening and takes over the match. KBell looks like a blonde pinball moving around the ring and Beverley is her favorite bumper. Bell after several minutes off working over Beverley hits an X-Factor that leaves Bev glassy eyed.
Kristen rolls Beverley on to her back and in a blink of an eye is scampering up to the top turnbuckle where she poses facing the crowd. She pauses long enough to put both hands in the air flashing the Bullhorns symbol again, then leaps and does a never before seen in the CCW, 630 degree Corkscrew Splash! When Kristen leaps, she twists 180 degrees to face the ring, then completes a 450 degree Flip before crashing down onto Bev’s chest.
Mitchell’s legs jack-knife up KBell hooks them cradling Bev for the win as the crowd goes nuts while Kristen has her arm raised. She looks into the crowd and asks, “How’d you like The Bell-Raiser?” Fans check out Beverley who is still flat on the mat - probably thinking she should’ve waited a week to make her return. Fans are also going nuts for the pint sized blonde that put a hurtin’ on Mitchell.
Match Two Natalie Portman vs. Scarlett Johansson XX Division Match
When John William’s ‘Duel of the Fates’ begins, fans know the first woman in the Double X Division tournament is Natalie Portman who appears wearing her white spandex two-piece with black waistband. Nat waits to see who she will face and when she hears Prodigy’s ‘Fire Starter’ she and the fans know it’s Scarlett Johansson and her beige bikini.
Natalie and Scarlett both tend to bend the rules when they need to but they start off wrestling clean and their chain wrestling sees them trade holds and moves back and forth until Portman’s ‘nasty’ nature gets the better of her and, to avoid a Belly to Belly Suplex, ‘Nasty Nat’ knees Scarlett’s crotch! With the seal broken, there’s no reason not to remove Scarlett’s top and go after her big tits either!
Being use to having women grab and attack her tits doesn’t mean it hurts any less, but Scarlett fights through the pain and finds an opening of her own. When Natalie pulls the blonde to her feet, Scarlett plays opossum and forces Natalie to lift her dead weight, then springs the trap; driving her knee into Nat’s pussy. Then Scarlett really goes to work on Natalie; stripping the brunette and trapping her on the mat where she works over her small breasts and crotch.
Scarlett sets Nat up and sends her into the ropes, then on the brunette’s return Scarlett ducks low, wraps her arms around Natalie’s thighs and lifts her victim up before Scarlett snaps Natalie backward into a Spinebuster! She put Natalie under her large mounds, grabs both of Natalie’s wrist and crosses the dazed wrestlers arms as she holds them in place.
Scarlett taunts, “Try not to get too much ‘loser drool’ on my babies.” Natalie’s legs kick, but with no where near the force needed to free herself. Scarlett grinds her boobs against Natalie’s features, her smile getting bigger as time goes by. Scarlett still holding Natalie’s arms show the propose for placing Natalie’s arms behind the brunette’s head, the ref checks Natalie’s shoulders and slaps the mat. One…Two…ThrNO…
It doesn’t take a genius to see Scarlett just yanked Natalie up off the mat, but from his angle, the ref only saw Nat’s shoulders come up and it looked like Scarlett was still just holding her Breast Smother. The ref goes through the count three more times before he finally catches on and pulls Natalie’s arm from Scarlett. The ref lifts and lets Natalie’s arm drop three times and calls for the bell. Natalie was trapped over a minute and as Scarlett gets to her feet, Natalie’s face is reddish purple. Scarlett wipes the slobber from her boobs as the ref raises her arm but Natalie takes a long time to get to her feet to head to the rear.
Match Three Beyonce Knowles vs. Laetitia Casta
The next match is a classic T&A battle as Beyonce and Laetitit clash. Laetitia controls the action early taking Beyonce to the mat and working an Armbar and then a Side Headlock. Beyonce slides out of the Headlock and reverse Laetitia into a Hammerlock. Beyonce retains control of Laetitia for some time, working the French woman’s mid-section and back before she sends Laetitia to the corner where she drives a muscular thigh into Casta’s gut twice before her third kneelift pancakes Casta’s heavy tits.
Beyonce goes for her ‘Booty Bangin’’ finisher, a Top Rope Legdrop, that uses more butt than thigh! Laetitia isn’t as ‘out of it’ as Beyonce thought and she rolls out of the way just in time and Beyonce’s ‘booty’ bangs hard on the canvas!
Laetitia tosses Beyonce out of the ring, follows her out and then Laetitia rips the singers top off and hammers three Forearm Shots into Beyonce’s very underrated tits. Laetitia Whips Beyonce’s back into the guardrail and as Beyonce is sliding down to the floor, Laetitia steps up and DRIVES her foot between Beyonce’s spread legs. Laetitia grabs a handful of Beyonce’s chin, lifting her head as she yells something in French.
Laetitia heads back into the ring and break the ref’s count but Beyonce whips a foot out, catching Laetitia in the back of the knee. Staggering, the model collides facefirst with the steel ring post. She drops back on to her ass with a dazed, glassy-eyed look.
With one hand wedged between her thighs, Beyonce crawls to the ring, trying to get back before the ref reaches the countout. Casta clears her head enough to grab Beyonce before she enters the ring and the two, both on their knees facing each other, begin trading punches. Laetitia reaches out to grab Beyonce’s bare breast and Beyonce returns the Breast Mauling, pushing the triangles of Laetitia’s top to the sides to get at her bare flesh. The ref actually had already reached the ten count, but gave both women a chance to bring the action back into the ring. Finally, with the boob battle contining on the floor, the ref has no choice but to signal for the bell.
But the wrestlers pay no attention to the bell and continue trading punches! Beyonce rocks Laetitia with a Forearm to the tits, and uses the time to get to her feet. Dragging the French women to the timekeepers table, Beyonce sweeps away the items on the table, pulls Laetitia up to her feet by the hair and drives a knee into the French woman’s crotch. She lifts Laetitia onto the table, then turning quickly Beyonce climbs the steps to the ring apron. She leaps off, lifting her legs, and comes down across Laetitia’s chest with her ‘Booty Bangin’’.
The table ends up the worse off as it’s broken in two, although Laetitia fared only slightly better. Beyonce was also hurt by the move, but she’s trying to get to her feet to do more damage when officials and medical persons arrive and pull her off of Laetitia.
The match goes as a double count out. Laetitia and Beyonce try to get at each other again as they’re being escorted to the back, but they’re both restrained and dragged kicking and screaming to the rear. Can anyone say ‘rematch’?
Cut Scene One
The Giant screen above the stage comes on. The scene is of a dark foggy location in the woods somewhere. The camera scans across until it comes across a freshly dug grave. The camera looks down into the six foot hole and the focuses on the tombstone inscribed, “Eliza Dushku, 1980-2007” The camera scans right to another grave with a headstone reading, “Katee Sackhoff, 1980-2007.” The camera continues right until it comes to three hooded figures starting to dig a third grave. Looking between the three figures, the third headstone reads, “Jessica Alba, 1981-2007”
Throwing the hood back Lamia (Erika Christensen) looks to the camera, leering she says, “Soon the defenders will fall. For unknown to them, they have entered CHAOS.” Lamia/Erika pulls the hood back of the figure to her right and says, “Tell them Banshee.”
Neve Campbell (aka Banshee) faces the camera and explains, “CHAOS - All six women, falls count anywhere, no disqualification. No hope of survival for the lambs being lead to slaughter.”
Lamia looks at the other woman saying only, “Succubus.” Rachel McAdams throws back her hood smiling coldly, “For you ‘Do Gooders’ thinking you can help your little friends; anyone interfering in this match will get a one year suspension.” She laughs insanely as the screen fades.
Match Four Isla Fisher vs. Lacey Chabert XX Division Match
The Donna’s ‘Take it off’ brings out Lacey Chabert in a dark orange bikini top and black low-cut boy shorts. Her confidence is evident as usual as she struts to the ring. Her opponent comes out a few moments later (to Disturbed’s ‘Stricken’) words that could describe Isla Fisher who is wearing a red bra and panties cut high on the thigh. Isla smiles down the aisle and as she climbs into the ring, but her expression changes once she’s in the ring, She looks more serious than the ‘Norm’ for this redhead.
The match starts with straight up wrestling moves by both; but trading Armlocks and Headlocks seems to bore Isla after a few minutes and she knees Lacey’s crotch as they move in for another Tie-up. Isla pulls Lacey up to Snapmare the brunette and after she’s bounced on the mat, Lacey sits up holding her tailbone - realizing too late that Isla is removing her top!
Isla yells ‘Boob Quake’ and hammers a Forearm to Lacey’s head, then watches Lacey’s boobs bounce and jiggle wildly. Isla laughs, “That may have been better’n Loves!” The scatter shot that is Isla’s mind then comes up with her removing her own top, telling Lacey, “I don’t want you to stand out. If we’re both topless, it’s no big deal, She-Bear!”
Isla’s decision to remove her own top backfires later when Lacey is in control and backs the Aussie into the ropes and Overhand Chops both of her tits! Lacey’s smile fades as Isla begs, “Again, She-Bear, do it again!”
Lacey looks at the palm sized welts on Isla’s pale boobs, shrugs, then again hits each breast with another Overhand Chop. Isla laugh manically again - but she doesn’t ask for thirds!
A few minutes later, as they battle back and forth, Lacey catches Isla in position to deliver her ‘Lacey Bottoms’. Lacey, with one arm across Isla’s chest and a handful of her panties, lifts the redhead and Slams her to the mat. Isla’s bottom splits her asscheck with a deep Wedgie as Lacey goes for the cover. Lacey normally applies a Crotch Claw with her cover after a ‘Lacey Bottoms’ but as her hand moves to Isla’s center, Lacey thinks twice about it and passes on applying the hold.
The ref gets the three count as Isla kicks out just a hair to late. Lacey jumps up and instructs the ref to raise her arm quickly and before Isla is on her feet, ‘She-Bear’ is already halfway up the aisle heading to the back with a big smile on her face.
Match Five Kaley Cuoco vs. Julia Stiles
Kaley comes out to Velvet Revolver’s ‘Come on, Come in’ wearing a white bikini with the letters ‘KC’ on her hip. Julia’s intro music is Fuel’s ‘Won’t Back Down’ and she’s wearing a purple sports bra and black bikini bottom.
Julia, still looking for her first win, jumps on Kaley early trying to put the youngster away fast. And it looks like Julia’s going to get her first win for about the first five minutes as she controls the action. But then Kaley ducks a Clothesline and when Julia turns around she’s doubled over by Kaley’s foot kicking her in the belly. Doubled over, Julia is an easy target as Kaley hits her with an Implant DDT.
Kaley takes all her frustrations from the first few minutes as she works Julia over, putting a hurtin’ on the dazed Julia in the corner. Then Kaley goes to the opposite corner and charges across the ring, leaves her feet about three quarters of the way and hits a Stinger Splash she calls the ‘Cuoco Crunch’. Kaley throws Julia on the mat, hooks her leg and gets the win.
Match Six Christina Aguilera vs. Olivia Munn XX Division Match
Christina comes to the ring to her song ‘Fighter’ in a baby blue bikini while Limp Bizkit’s ‘My Way’ introduces Olivia in a black two-piece. Early in the match it’s obvious Christina can’t match Olivia’s strength while Christina’s speed edge is too small for her to work effectively. Christina uses the only other option left - dirty tactics! She attacks Olivia’s boobs and crotch several times. And while Olivia is leaning in the corner after a Kneelift to the pussy, Christina charges in to Splash her.
The raven haired Olivia catches her coming in with a Back Elbow, then plows into Christina with a Shoulder Block sending the smaller blonde end over end across the ring. Olivia stays with wrestling moves, but she does pay the singer back for a couple of her cheap shots. She removes Aguilera’s top and mauls her perky tits until Christina’s screams rattle the rafters!
With Christina stripped naked, Olivia sets her up for the ‘System Crash’ as she squeezes Christina’s head in her thighs, wraps her arms around the blonde’s waist and lifts. Once Munn has Aguilera in position, she applies a Pussy Claw and holds Christina upside down digging into her crotch before spiking the blonde.
But just as she’s about to finish, Laetitia Casta slides into the ring with a steel chair and BWANG waffles Olivia across the back. The ref quickly signals for the bell to end the match as Olivia drops Christina and falls to her knees. Casta tosses the chair aside, pulls Olivia back to her feet by the hair and forces Olivia into the corner. She shoves the ref out of the ring when he tries to save Munn, then returns and hammers her fist into Olivia’s tits, ribs and belly! Laetitia holds Olivia up so she can’t sink into the corner, pulling Olivia’s head back so she can glare into her eyes.
“You zink you can be in zee zame ring as Laetitia. You air a peasant, you air feelth and Laetitia will treat you az zuch!”
Casta drives her knee between Olivia thighs, then pushes the ravaged brunette headfirst through the ropes out onto the floor. More refs show up to prevent Laetitia from following and continuing to abuse Olivia. The match ref returns to the ring as the announcer belabours the obvious: “Your Winner, moving to the next round on a disqualification…Olivia Munn”
Match Seven Dani Fishel vs. Lizzy Caplan
Newcomer Fishel takes on relatively unknown rookie Caplan. Dani Comes out to AC/DC’s ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ wearing an electric blue bikini top and short, shorts. The tiny triangles of her top leave the large sides of her breasts exposed. Lizzy who comes out to System of the Down ‘BYOB’ in a simple black bikini. She’s a few inches taller, but Dani is stouter.
The feeling-out process for the first minute consists of the wrestlers circling, neither really committed to any of their feints or fakes. Lizzy uses her reach advantage to nail Dani with a shot to the boob that stuns Dani allowing Lizzy to take the brunette to the mat where she works over Dani’s legs. Lizzy, still in control, brings Dani back to her feet and sends her to the corner with an Irish Whip. Lizzy goes in after Dani’s big targets, ripping her small top off and unleashing a barrage of punches to Dani’s wildly bouncing big boobs.
Lizzy backs off before the ref disqualifies her, but as soon as the count is broken Lizzy moves right back in. Her debut is not going Dani’s way as Lizzy drags her out of the corner and Snapmares her! Lizzy drops to her knees and hammers four Double Ax-handles to Dani’s unprotected belly, then rolls Dani and applies a Single Leg Crab to Dani’s short leg. Lizzy demanding Dani’s submission and SLAPs her hand in Dani’s exposed crotch each time Dani refuses. Dani slowly works her way to the ropes, grabs the bottom rope and frees herself. Lizzy gives Dani a final punch to the pussy before releasing the hold.
Dani gets back to her feet but before she can get off the ropes, Lizzy is back on her, driving a Kneelift to Dani’s wide open mid-section. Lizzy sends Dani for a ride again, but coming back, Dani leaps in the air, straddling Lizzy as she takes the taller woman to the mat with a Lou Thesz Press. Dani drills right hands to Lizzy’s head, then pulls Lizzy back to her feet and heaves her onto her shoulders. She carries Lizzy around the ring, then falls back into a Samoan Drop. Dani gets a two count before Lizzy kicks out.
Dani, staying in control, pulls Lizzy up by the shoulder straps, takes a deep breath and scoops Lizzy, Body Slamming her back to the canvas. Then Dani turns and hits the ropes, coming back and leaping into the air for a Splash. The move may have ended the match if Lizzy hadn’t seen it coming and got her knees up!
Dani impales herself on Lizzy’s knees and writhes in pain holding her stomach. Lizzy again applies a Single Leg Crab, this time with Dani’s left leg tucked under her arm. Lizzy adds a Crotch Claw to the Crab and although Dani struggles, she’s a long way from the ropes. Lizzy’s Crotch Claw proves to be too much and forces Dani to submit.
Lizzy has her arm raised and climbs the turnbuckles to trade jeers with the crowd as behind her, Dani hammers the mat with a fist in frustration. Lizzy catches Dani as she’s ducking through the ropes and asks, “Hey, where do you think your going?”
Unsure what Lizzy is talking about, Dani tries pulling away to leave the ring but Lizzy yanks her back into the ring and starts to say something. That’s when Dani nails a Forearm to the side of Lizzy’s head! Dani heads out as Lizzy picks her self up.
Cut Scene Two
The ring announcer enters the ring, “The New CCW World Champion…Jessica Biel” Velvet Revolver’s ‘Slither’ begins as pyros shoot off on the stage as Jessica comes running out holding her belt high. She snaps the belt around her waist as she heads to the ring, but she takes her time; shaking hands with fans and even talking to some who ask questions. Jessica climbs the steps to the ring apron and pulls the belt off again before entering the ring. Once inside the squared circle, she flips the belt over her shoulder and struts over to take the mic from the ring announcer.
“Not long ago I stood here and told you I would be champ. Some of you doubted me, (she holds the belt up) but I’m a woman of her word.” Many of the fans cheer, but there are several that offer the names of women that they would like to see take the title from Jessica. Jessica walks around the ring stopping a few times to flex her bicep for photos for fans. Jessica continues, “I know there are a lot of women out there who want a shot at my title.” Jessica pauses for a second, “Line them up, and bring them on!”
A voice comes over the sound system, “Jessica; excuse me!” The voice is Harold Green the promoter. Walking out on to the stage the promoter stops at the top of the ramp. “I’m sorry to interrupt you, but this seems a good time for the announcement I have.” Jessica looks willing to hear what the promoter has to say. “I’ve decided on the two women who’ll get the first chance to face you. But first they will face each other to decide the number one contender.”
Jessica smiles, “Well, let’s not keep fans in suspense. Who are they?”
Harold nods and walking out on to the stage are Charlize Theron and Rosario Dawson. Many of the fans cheer the choice of number one contenders, though they are evenly split on who they favor. Harold hands the mic to Charlize and walks off.
Theron starts, “Enjoy you’re title while it last Jessica. Your days are numbered.”
She tosses the mic to Rosario and walks off. Rosario stares at Theron’s ass before turning to Jessica, “After I take care of blondage, I’ll be looking YOU up for some ‘Old Town Justice’.”
Jessica chuckles, “I won’t be hard to find, I’ll be right here…with MY title.” She holds the belt up again as Rosario heads off stage to join Charlize. Velvet Revolver’s ‘Slither’ plays as Jessica climbs out of the ring and heads toward the back.
Match Eight Ashley Scott vs. Milla Jovovich
Aimee Allen’s ‘I’d Start a Revolution’ plays and as the chorus begins, Ashley apperas from behind the curtain and, as usual, she’s wearing her black bra and spandex shorts cut low at her waist. She also has her long black leather coat. The Cult’s ‘Fire Woman’ plays Jovovich out and she’s wearing a white tube top only a few inches wide but tight, and matching white bottom.
For two of the bigger women in the CCW, its impressive how quick and nimble both are. Ashley easily nips up to her feet after being taken down with a Wristlock that she reverses into a Hammerlock. Ashley has Milla in trouble, hammering the redhead against the ropes, but after Ashley sends her across the ring with a Whip, Milla hops onto the middle rope and springs back, taking Ashley down with a Flying Crossbody.
Milla works Ashley’s long legs, then applies her favorite, a Figure Four. Ashley fights through the pain and manages to turn Milla in the hold but she’s close enough to the ropes to force a break. Milla recovers first and pushes Ashley into a corner where she goes to punish Ashley’s abs with kicks and punches.
The redhead climbs to the second rope and rains punches down on Ashley’s skull. Twice Milla’s fist bangs off the side of Ashley’s head, but as the Russian goes back for a third helping, Ashley picks her up off the perch, leaving Milla trapped in position for Ashley’s finisher, “The Fate of Prey” A few running steps later, Ashley drives Milla to the canvas with a Powerbomb, then walks around and kneels by Milla’s head where Ashley folds Milla’s arms over her chest and lets the ref make the three count.
Match Nine: Eliza Dushku vs. Billie Piper XX Division Match
Eliza in a dark red bikini comes out to Rob Zombie’s ‘Living Dead Girl’ while AFI’s ‘Miss Murder’ brings out Billie in a union jack bikini top and black shorts. Both women meet in the center of the ring and shake hands to start, then Eliza ducks under a Lock-up attempt by Billie and kicks the blonde in the back of the knee, collapsing Billie’s base and putting her on her knees. Eliza follows with three quick Snap Kicks to Billie’s back, the third kick knocking Billie face down on the mat! Eliza applies a STF looking for a quick submission but Billie’s too fresh and she drags herself to the ropes to escape.
Billie hits Eliza with a series of power moves, slamming the brunette into the canvas several times. She has Eliza hurt as she put her in a Front Headlock to set up her Fisherman Buster, but Eliza’s foot comes back up over her head and kicks Billie on top of the head with a Scorpion Kick. Stunned, Billie lands on her ass, sitting and holding her head. Eliza is slow in going for a cover which allows Billie to kick out at two.
The fans are mixed as the actions as been great, but Billie and Eliza have stayed away from their usual dirty tactics that most fans love. Going back and forth the match passes the fifteen minute time limit for CCW matches. Billie unloads a series of European Uppercuts that drive Eliza back against the ropes. Billie nails her with a final one that would have sent Eliza out over the top rope if Billie didn’t grabbed the American.
Pulling her dazed opponent to the center of the ring, Billie hairhauls Eliza’s head under her arm while her other hand hooks Dushku behind her near knee. Billie groans loudly as she lifts Eliza, then at the apex of the Suplex she drops the brunette straight down on to her head. Billie cradles Eliza though it may not have been necessary as the ref makes the three count.
Billie becomes the fourth woman of the night to advance to the second round of the XX division title chase. After having her arm raised and celebrating with the crowd, Billie walks over to check on Eliza who’s beginning to get to her feet. Billie helps Eliza up and they shake hands before leaving the ring together.
Main Event ‘The Simpson Sisters’ vs. ‘Columbian Crush’
The ring announcer climbs in the ring and with a nod from the ref begins, “The following match is an elimination match for the CCW tag team title!” Jessica Simpson’s version of ‘These Boots’ starts playing and the announcer continues, “From The Great State of Texas…they are…THE Simpson Sisters!”
Jessica is wearing her normal pink bikini while Ashlee is wearing a white one. The sisters shake the hands of the fans that extend them, but many of the fans seem not to support the Sisters. Jessica leads Ashlee to their corner and they continue to warm up while waiting for their opponents.
Trick Daddy’s ‘Let’s go’ begins as bursting from the back come Columbian Crush, “And from Columbia…Sofia Vergara and Shakira…together, they are…Columbian CRUSH!” The Columbian’s get a bigger response from the fans as they make their way to the ring. Both Columbians are wearing red bikini tops and black short-shorts. Shakira follows Sofia to the ring, giving her talented hips a shake for the fans before entering.
The two teams huddle in their corners, each stealing looks across the ring at the other. The ref calls for the bell and watches to see that one of each team steps outside in her corner. Jess and Sofia are the choices to start the match. Jessica, about 3 or 4 inches shorter than Sofia, stalks to the center of the ring and waits for Sofia.
Sofia looking at the defiant blonde says, “Shakira and I will try not to hurt you and your sister too much before beating you.”
Jessica smiles, “That’s nice, but seeing how Ashlee and I are going to hit you with one of our famous finishers, we don’t have much to worry about.”
Jessica shoves Sofia back slightly, to which Sofia pushes Jessica back. Jessica shoves Sofia harder, Sofia staggers back a few feet the lunges forward blistering a Forearm Smash that flattens Jessica’s double D rack. The blonde cries out in pain stumbling backward, but Jessica is able to keep her feet and charges toward Sofia who stands her ground. Jessica returns the Forearm with one of her own to Sofia’s vaunted rack. Sofia is stunned but, unwilling to admit defeat to the smaller American, comes back with another Forearm that pancakes Jessica’s tits!
Jessica is almost knocked off her feet but the ropes save her, and she uses their spring to drive another Forearm Smash into Sofia’s boobs. Sofia turns in a tight little circle holding her chest and groaning in pain. Jessica, having enough of the boob battle with Sofia, grabs the brunette’s wrist and twists it behind Sofia in a Hammerlock.
Jessica forces Sofia into her corner chest first where Ashlee awaits. Ashlee takes the tag from her older sister, asking, “You happy now that you had you booby showdown?”
Jessica smiles, “That was just round one!”
Ashlee steps up, wrapping Sofia around the neck in a Side Headlock as Jessica releases the Hammerlock and exits. Ashlee turns Sofia around, twisting the brunette’s head so her face is buried in the underside of Ashlee’s right boob. Ashlee pushes her hips into Sofia, drops to her knees, taking Sofia over with a Headlock Takedown. Ashlee tightens her grip on the Headlock again after Sofia lands on the mat flat on her back. Ashlee leans into the hold, crimping Sofia’s neck and looks down, “Hurts don’t it?”
Sofia struggles trying to free herself, then without warning, she hooks her arm under Ashlee’s legs and rolls the blonde over on to her back.
Ashlee releases her Headlock and rolls on through, barely avoiding an embarrassing pin.
Ashlee and Sofia make it to their feet at the same time and Sofia is first to strike as she kicks Ashlee in the stomach. Doubled over, her cheeks puffing from the kick, Ashlee is unable to keep Sofia from scooping her up for a Bodyslam. WHAM! Sofia stomps Ashlee’s belly, jackknifing the blonde around her foot. As Ashlee flops back on the canvas Sofia next stomps Ashlee’s tits! Writhing in pain Ashlee is given a short break while Sofia goes to tag in Shakira. Before Sofia even turns around, Shakira is in the ring and Dropkicks Ashlee in the head as she’s trying to get up! Shakira kicks Ashlee onto her back, then the Blonde Whirlwind hits a Standing Moonsault, coming down across Ashlee’s chest.
The ref is a little slow getting into position and it gives Ashlee the time she needed to kick out at “TWO!” And a commotion stirs the crowd as Kristen Bell comes down the ramp and walks around the ring toward the section where Richard Fannin and Archer are seated.
Shakira pulls Ashlee to her feet and backs the bigger girl into the ropes. Shakira Kneelifts Ashlee in the gut, then sends the young Simpson across the ring with a Whip. When Ashlee returns, Shakira meets her with a Dropkick in the chest. The fans cheer the move, but those watching her see KBell yawn as if to say, “Boring” as she climbs over the guardrail to join Rich and Archer.
Shakira standing at Ashlee’s head jumps pulling up her legs, and comes down across Ashlee’s skull with a Leg Drop. Shakira goes for another cover, but Ashlee kicks out with enough force to send Shakira rolling a few feet away. Shakira is first to her feet and heads to the ropes to build up speed. Ashlee is on her feet when Shakira returns and charging, Ashlee strikes first hitting Shakira with a Clothesline that spins the Columbian over in the air. Shakira lands on her chest and Ashlee checks her nose making sure no damage had been done by the Columbian’s Leg Drop before hair-hauling Shakira up and dragging her to the Simpson corner.
A few feet form the corner Ashlee puts her right hand on Shakira’s throat and shoves the smaller woman back into the turnbuckles hard. Ashlee sneers, “That jumping around bullshit is going to get real expensive.”
She throws ten hooking punches into Shakira’s ribs before the ref orders her to let Shakira out of the corner. Holding her hands up Ashlee backs way, but when Shakira tries staggering out of the corner, Jessica grabs the back of Shakira’s top and pulls her back. Sofia points and yells to get the ref’s attention to Jessica’s cheating, but Ashlee moves in pulling Shakira into a Headlock, then tags Jessica,
Shakira hammers a Forearm into Ashlee’s kidneys trying to escape and Ashlee takes another shot to the back, but refuses to release Shakira until Jessica is in the ring. Jess brings a Double Ax-handle down on the trapped singers back. Ashlee, stepping through the ropes, reminds Jessica, “She’s quick. Keep her down.”
Jessica bringing Shakira out from the corner a few feet holding Shakira in a front headlock says, “Like this?”
She spikes the Columbian with a DDT. Jessica slides an arm between Shakira’s thighs rolling her over for the cover and Shakira barely rolls her right shoulder in time to avoid the pin. Shakira waits until Jessica is pulling her to her feet to strike, nailing Jessica in the right boob with an Uppercut. The punch knocks Jessica’s tit right up and out of her top!
Shakira somersaults into her corner to tag Sofia while Jessica hesitates and takes a moment to pull her top back up over her exposed breast. Jessica and Sofia at the same time say, “Round Two!”
Jessica doesn’t wade in to trade blows this time with the bigger Sofia, but ducks under the brunette wrapping her arms around Sofia’s waist, then lets out a loud grunt as she picks Sofia up and takes her down to the mat. Sofia lands on her hands and knees.
Jessica smiles, “Perfect” She has her hands slide up Sofia’s body to apply a Double Breast Claw. Sofia cries out in pain as the smaller blonde digs into her soft flesh. Jessica taunts, “Looks like round two is going to me!” She pulls Sofia’s top aside so she is able to go directly after Sofia’s nipples. Sofia brings her arms up trying to pull Jessica’s vice-like grip from her boobs. Jessica pushes Sofia to the mat and swings a leg over Sofia’s body mounting the brunette. Jessica looks at the ref, “Ask her!”
The ref looks at Sofia groaning in pain and letting out the occasion scream as Jessica twists hard, and asks, “Sofia, you want to give up.”
The brunette yells, “Hell no! I want to tear the bitch’s tits off!”
Jessica laughs, “Not happen Ho-bag.”
Sofia’s elbow comes flying back, catching Jessica on the side of the head. The blonde’s entire body goes limp for a second as she collapses on top of Sofia. Sofia crawls out from under Jessica who’s checking her jaw. Sofia decides the best way to make her breasts feel better is to hurt Jessica’s large tits. So she moves behind Jess and reaching around her, grabs Jessica’s tits. Jessica wails in pain as Sofia drags her to her feet by the boobs.
Sofia whispers in Jessica’s ear, “Seems round two isn’t over yet!”
Jessica’s arms are trapped at her sides by Sofia’s arms. Jess tries to free herself by stomping on Sofia’s foot, but she misses three times in a row as Sofia just moves to avoid the blow. Sofia drags a screaming Jessica over to her corner where she tags Shakira. Sofia switches to a Double Chickenwing to hold Jessica and Shakira has no doubt what Sofia wants her to do. While the ref makes a five count Shakira unloads on Jessica’s bouncing and jiggling breasts. Just before the ref reaches five Sofia drops Jessica to the mat in a blubbering heap.
Shakira tears off Jessica’s top and tosses it to Sofia to hang in their corner while Shakira heads to a neutral corner where she climbs to the top turnbuckle and waits for Jessica to get to her feet. It doesn’t take long for Jessica to get up, covering her bare breasts with both hands as she stumbles and staggers toward Ashlee. Shakira leaps and nails Jess with a Missile Dropkick that sends Jessica across the ring flipping and rolling until she ends up face down.
Fans are going nuts as Shakira quickly gets to her feet again to cover Jessica. From ringside, Shakira can hear Kristen Bell yell, “LAME! TRY NOT TO SUCK, SHAKIRA!”
Shakira pulls Jessica more than an arms length away from the ropes, then rolling her over the singer goes for the cover. Shakira glares at Kristen as the ref starts the count and yells at KBell, “This could be YOU!”
Shakira’s focus on KBell costs her as Ashlee comes running along the ring apron and kicks the Columbian in the head, breaking the pin count. Ashlee’s actions draw a warning from the ref, but the match continues. Shakira is first to recover and makes a quick tag to Sofia. Jessica is just getting to her feet when the brunette shows up and hooks her left arm behind Jessica’s thighs, then wraps her right around the blonde’s waist. With little seeming effort, Sofia swings Jessica up, then falls backward, hitting a Belly to Back Suplex. Jessica’s head smacks the canvas with a THUD and she lays starfished in the center of the ring.
Sofia slaps and paws Jessica bare boobs bouncing them all around the blonde’s chest, then simply says, “You lose!”
Sofia goes for the cover. “One…Two…”
But she is dragged off of Jessica when Ashlee reaches under the ropes and grabs her ankle. The ref chases Ashlee out of the ring and while he’s doing that, Sofia pulls Jessica closer to Shakira’s corner and positions Jessica. Shakira climbs the turnbuckle as Sofia backs into the corner. Shakira steps on her bigger partner’s shoulders, then leaps flipping forward into the air. She hits the 360 Degree Splash across Jessica’s chest.
Shakira hooks Jessica’s leg as the ref returns One...Two…THREE!”
Shakira jumping up leaps into Sofia’s arms - they’ve just won a spot in the tag team title match! Columbian Crush will wait for the winner of the second match. The Columbian’s have there arms raised and they climb the turnbuckle to receive the applause from the fans. Ashlee gathers up her sister and has to support Jessica with an arm around her waist as she aids her toward the back while the red-faced Jessica has her hands full trying to cover her huge breasts.
Sofia and Shakira take their time leaving the ring, milking the moment as long as they can waving to the still cheering crowd.
Agnes Bruckner has stayed watching the action from the locker room, after her dismantling of Kirsten Dunst. The blonde gathers up her gear and slings the bag over her shoulder heading for the door. Stepping out of the locker Agnes almost runs over the stagehand standing outside. Agnes makes a quick apology and moves on, but the stagehand says, “Miss Bruckner, The Boss wants to see you.” Turning around Agnes nods and says, “Well lead on.”
Entering the office of the promoter Agnes takes a seat to wait for the missing man. A short time later Harold comes into the office and smiles to see the blonde waiting. “Agnes, how would you like a CCW contact?” Agnes looks taken back a bit by the offer, “After one match you want me?” Harold nods, “We’ll start you off slow with some easy matches.” Agnes smiles, “Does it get any easier that Kirsten Dunst?”
Unable to stop himself the promoter laughs, “Probably not, but I didn’t say that.” Harold hands Agnes a small stack of paper and a pen. “Sign the last page and we’ll be all set.” It doesn’t take the blonde long to decide she flips to the last page and signs. Taking the papers back Harold says, “Welcome to the CCW.”
Agnes smiles and shakes his hand before leaving.
Harold starts some other paper work. His blackberry goes off about a minute later, the message reads, “Hanging with Billie, Come join us ~Rich”
Pushing away from the desk Harold turns the lights out as he exits the office.