Jessica Simpson vs. Britney Spears by Kit 21-Aug-00

Britney snapped off the radio and peeled out from behind the stop sign.

"Oooo! That bitch," spat Britney gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"What? What?" asked her puzzled friend Melissa Joan Hart.

"If I have to listen to that bitch's song one more time I'm gonna scream," growled Britney referring to Jessica Simpson's hit, 'I Think I'm In Love With You.'

Melissa giggled and said, "I kinda like it. It's jazzy and cool."

Britney shot her a go-to-hell look, "Bitch, you would."

Melissa just laughed, "Chill bitch."

The fact was that Jessica's song was being played 3-1 over Britney's 'Oops! I Did It Again' over the Southern California airwaves wasn't helping Britney's album sales. It was bad enough that Christina Aguilera was already deeply entrenched in the pop world and had a strong fan base, and that Mandy Moore was making a splash, but now to have another blond honey on the scene stealing her record dollars and air time was more than Britney could bear.

As badly as she wanted to catfight Christina, it would do her pocket book no good. Mandy was too young. She didn't need assault charges for fighting with a minor. But Jessica was another story all together. She could force her out with a ass-kicking before her popularity got to big to overthrow.

"I'm gonna get that blond bitch," said Britney accelerating the car.

"How?" asked Melissa.

Not wanting to tip her hand, she said, "I'm not sure. But I'm gonna get her."

The next few weeks Britney publicly berated Jessica and her music. She stated her case in the tabloids, newspapers and talk shows in an all-out effort to drag Jessica into a public battle of pop divas. But Jessica wasn't to be heard. Then one afternoon in the LA area when Britney was doing a radio talk show and criticizing Jessica, a familiar voice come on the talk line.

"Hold the phones!" said the d.j. "It seems like there's someone special that wants to talk with you Britney."

"Yes, this is Britney," she said.

"Just what IS your problem, bitch?" the caller asked.

Britney's mind raced. "Is this...Jessica?"

"Yeah, it is. Can't you tell? You've heard my song on the radio enough," Jessica said.

"That's a fact," said the d.j. "Almost 3-1 over your song Britney."

She shot him a cold glare.

"Well what do you want, bitch?"

"Me? I wanna know what you want, bitch. You're the one with the problem," shot back Jessica.

"Bitch! I don't have a problem," said Britney clinching her fists.

She hadn't expected Jessica to call and she wasn't sure what to say.

"I think you do, bitch. I think you can't handle the heat. Your days are numbered. Between me and Christina, you're finished," Jessica said.

"Oh really? Bitch, nothing more would please me more than to be able to handle you," spat Britney back.

"Oooooh!" went the d.j.

"So what are you saying, bitch? You think you can take me down?" asked Jessica with a stern tone of voice.

"I'm not only taking you down, but I'm taking you out as well, bitch," threatned Britney.

"Oooooooo! Sounds like the makings of a good catfight," said the d.j.

"We better talk about this later, bitch. I'll be in touch," said Jessica, and then the line went dead.

"You better call me, you bitch!" shouted Britney into the mic.

"Wow! You and Jessica! In a catfight! I'd pay good money to see that one," said the excited d.j.

"Settle down little man," said Britney. "You couldn't afford it."

That night Jessica did call Britney, and the two made arrangements to catfight at a mutual friends house in Malibu Saturday evening.

Only a few selected friends were at the beach house for the big brawl. Melissa Joan Hart, a couple of the NSYNC boys, Denise Richards, Prince and Carmen Electra just to name a few. There was also one reporter from a tabloid which was paying the girls $100,000 apiece for the story and photos of the catfight. Both girls wanted their victory documented as fact.

When Jessica arrived, Britney was already there sucking down a beer and smoking a cigarette. Someone gave Jessica a beer and she asked for a cigarette.

"Sure, hun. Have one of mine," offered Carmen Electra.

"I was about to think that you'd chickened out," shouted Britney from across the room.

"Hardly, bitch," yelled Jessica back.

The girls mingled with the guest for a few minutes as they talked loudly and insulted each other back and forth.

"You ready, bitch?" asked Britney setting down her empty beer bottle.

Jessica took one final drag and slug of beer and said, "Let's go, bitch."

It was almost 5:30 and the day's heat was just cooling down as the small crowd of people went out the backdoor of the house to the small grassy yard.

A circle began to form around the pop divas as Jessica and Britney started sizing each other up. Britney wore a pair of faded jeans and a tight fitting pink tank-top, while Jessica had on black jeans and a red sports bra. Their jeans were so tight that it formed their little butts into heart-shaped asses.

Neither Britney or Jessica had ever been in a catfight before, so they weren't exactly sure how to go about starting it. Both were now a little nervous and frightened, but with their friends starting to encourage them on, neither was going to back down.

Slowly they started to circle and move a little more closer together as they traded a few threats and insults.

"You think you're soooo hot," said Jessica giving Britney a little shove in the shoulder as they circled.

Britney gave her a small shove back and said, "I'm the best, bitch, and much more hotter than you'll ever be."

"Oh yeah," said Jessica shoving her again.

Britney shoved back, "Yeah."

They now started pushing and shoving each other harder and faster. Their friends standing around began saying, "Get her, Jessica." "Slap her, Brit." "Don't take her shit, Jessica." "Show her who's the boss, Britney."

In a sudden move, Britney reached out for Jessica's hair. Jessica grabbed her left wrist, but the right hand sneaked through and pulled on the ends of Jessica's hair.

"Ooouch!" squealed Jessica as her free hand grabbed a handful of hair and pulled.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow!" yelped Britney as she leaned to the side of the pull.

Britney let go of Jessica's hair and used that hand to slap her across the cheek with. It wasn't all that hard, but enough to stun Jessica and cause her to let go of Britney's hair and wrist.

The girls stepped back and shook their hair out of their pretty faces as they stood and glared at each other. They had just gotten a little taste of each other and they weren't as nervous now as the small group around them egged them back into action.

"You bitch," said Jessica leaping at her.

Britney tried to duck out of the way, but Jessica got two fists of hair and hauled her upright.

"Oooooww!" howled Britney as she latched onto a clump of hair and sent another slap across Jessica's cheek.


It was a good crisp blow that blistered Jessica's soft skin. Jessica winced out, but continued shaking Britney by the hair.

"Bitch!" yelled Britney, now getting two grips of Jessica's hair.

With their friends getting behind them, Jessica and Britney engaged in a classic hair pulling catfight for several moments. They yelped and cursed as they swayed back and forth and from side to side. The looser strands of hair seemed to come out easily as the stronger hairs stayed rooted in their scalps. Jessica kicked Britney in the shin and then tripped them to the ground.

"Uumph," groaned Britney as Jessica landed on her.

Britney jerked her off by the hair, as they now rolled back and forth pulling hair with their legs flying all about. Grunting and groaning, Jessica and Britney rolled to a stop on their sides as their legs locked together in a tight clinch. Their heads were bowed back from the hard, hard, hair-pulling as they each dragged out a few more looser strands of hair.

"Ooooooouch!!" moaned Jessica as she started spanking Britney's tight little ass.

"Eeeeeooooo!!" she cried as she felt her rival's fingernails plow across her lower back like a hot knife through butter.

In retaliation, Jessica stopped spanking and clamped that hand around Britney's left tit. Jessica squeezed the firm orb as hard as she could while Britney's face wrenched in pain.

Britney wailed out as she pulled Jessica's hand off her globe, but Jessica called her a 'slut' and broke her hand free and went back for seconds.

"Yeeeeeeooooo!!!" screamed Britney as she felt her thick, round areola pinched and savagely twisted 180 degrees.

Britney fired her left fist into Jessica's ribcage as her right hand yanked hard on her hair.

Jessica moaned and then cried out as she was forced away leaving a lump of her blond hair in Britney's hand. The girls rolled clear of each other at this point. Jessica was rubbing her scalp and holding her side, and Britney was gently cupping her orb. A few of their friends rushed to aid them and help them up.

"She's gonna pay for that," said a pissed and hurting Britney to Melissa Joan Hart.

"I'm gonna get that bitch," promised Jessica to her buddies.

The little catfight had been going on for several minutes, and each took her time in getting her wind before facing off again. They had no fear now. Each believed that they had taken the other's best shot and could win. As they started to circle again, both girls cussed and threatened each other.

Like a pair of angry cats, Jessica and Britney lunged. Revenge was clearly on their minds as they swapped a couple of slap and pulled hair.

"Bitch!" shouted Britney as she grabbed Jessica's right tit and squeezed.

"Oooowweee!!" moaned Jessica loudly as her hand clamped around Britney's tender left orb again.

"Yeeeeoooo!!" cried out Britney.

For several seconds the two blondes squeezed each other's tit with one hand and pulled hair with the other. Jessica latched onto the low cut neckline of Britney's pink tank top and pulled. Just at that very moment Britney kicked her in the shin and forced her to stumbled backwards. Britney's tank top was ripped down the middle, exposing most all of her white bra below. Britney stumbled towards Jessica, and the two hit the ground with Britney rolling on top. Quickly she was able to straddle Jessica and get one hand on her throat and a handful of right tit with the other.

"You'll never sing again, bitch," hissed Britney squeezing with both hands.

Jessica gasped for air as her hands immediately went for Britney's tits. Britney screamed out as Jessica's nails sank into the tops of her breasts. She clutched Jessica's wrists and pulled them off, but it was too late. Jessica's nails had already pierced deeply into the firm flesh and left little red prints. Jessica then bucked and tossed her off by the hair.

Fearing for their lives, the girls jumped to their feet and went back at each other without bothering to check themselves or regroup. Now fighting on sheer animal instinct, Jessica and Britney threw all caution to the wind as they ripped and tore into each other. The shouts and cheers from the group could hardly be heard in their heads as they focused solely on destroying each other.

Hair seemed to come out by the handfuls...but it didn't. Britney lost only a small wad while Jessica lost two. Slaps came at all angles and burned their faces...but only a half-dozen were thrown, with each only getting hit twice. What seemed like hours, wasn't...this little attack lasted only a minute. But to them it was a matter of life and death. No mercy would be asked for, and none would be given.

During the fray, Britney's tank top was totally ripped open and her left tit had busted loose from her bra. A strap on Jessica's red sports bra was torn and most of her right tit was showing.

Jessica heard a dull thump and immediately felt a deep burning sensation between her legs. Her brain registered it and sent a signal to moan.


Britney had just hit a home run with her knee.

Jessica dropped backwards and pulled Britney down on top of her by the hair she was holding. Jessica's tits took the full force of Britney's tits as they flattened out across her chest. Britney's forehead also banged into Jessica's nose, watering her eyes and dulling her senses.

Britney quickly straddled Jessica's waist, and when she saw the trickle of blood running from her nose, she went wild with energy. She slapped Jessica hard across the face three or four times, smearing the blood across her cheeks. Jessica tried blocking the slaps, but it was no use. Britney grabbed her by the hair and started beating the back of her head into the ground as she shouted obscenities at her.

Jessica was on the brink of elimination, but still she fought back by kicking and bucking and grabbing hold of Britney's tits.

"You bitch!" yelled Britney knocking her hands away and going after Jessica's breasts.

She managed to tear down the remaining right side of Jessica's bra and push the other side over her tit, exposing both of them.

"Eeeeeoowwwee!!! Eeeeeooowwweee!!!" cried Jessica as Britney pinched, turned and twisted her pretty pink nipples.

Feebly Jessica clamped her hands around Britney's boobs. Her nails barely dug in as Britney ignored her and put a claw-like grip on her face with one hand and continued pinching the shit out of her nipple with the other.

"Aaaaarrrrgggg!!" screamed Jessica as her hands fell from Britney's tits and tried to free her face.

It was too late. Britney's nails had scrapped down her pretty face, leaving red welts in the wake. Britney was like a shark smelling blood. Doubling up her right fist, she began slamming it home on Jessica's left tit while she continued to torture her right nipple.

"I give! Quit! Stop! Please!" shouted Jessica in a gargled, bloody tone.

Britney kept firing away until she was dragged off by some of the group. She managed to tear out a fist of Jessica's hair as a keepsake as they pried her off the crying, beaten and defenseless Jessica.

On the way home in Melissa's car, Melissa flipped on the radio. Melissa began to laugh out of control and Britney just rolled her eyes as Jessica Simpson's 'I Think I'm In Love With You' blared over the speakers. Nothing had changed. Nothing had changed at all.