Spice Girl’s Fight School #1: Victoria Beckham v Nicola Roberts (boxing) by knowlesey

Following their total humiliation and near destruction of Samia Smith, Emma Bunton called a meeting with her former colleagues to discuss her plan. “I’d like to set up a ‘fight school’ in which each of us thinks of a celeb she’d like to fight, then once the fight is agreed upon, the other four train the celeb and they fight it out in front of a celebrity audience. Boxing has gotta be the best option - it usually guarantees a bit of blood and snot. Besides, catfighting is more of a participation event really.”

The others agree, and they draw to see which Spice Girl will fight first…and it’s Victoria!

“Hmm, I’d like to fight Cheryl Cole,” she says. “But she’s pretty hot, so instead I’ll go for one of her mates, Nicola Roberts. Yeah, get that scrawny tart for me!”

The contract was signed and the Spice Girls trained Nicola Roberts for a week. She was good, really good! They recruited Michelle Heaton, a former pop singer and all round D-lister as the sparring partner for Nicola and by the end of the week Nicola had floored her eight times, and given her face a good bruising up, despite her headguard.

While the others were getting Nicola ready for her, Victoria was sparring with willowy blonde actress Sarah Manners, who’d had very little work lately - and it showed! Vickie knocked her girl spark out three times and cracked four of her ribs. Victoria was clearly well-prepared!

The match would take place in the same ring where Mel C beat Samia Smith. The referee was buxom figure model, Kelly Brook. There are only fifty people in the audience - but each had paid a stiff price for the privilege. Victoria had Emma Bunton and Mel Chisholm in her corner, while Nicola got Cheryl Cole and a tensor wrapped Sarah Harding.

Nicola came first to the ring; looking good in a red bikini. She was then joined by Victoria wearing a typically glamorous white and black outfit. The girls glared at one another while Kelly reminded them this was a boxing match; telling them that if she thinks one of them cheated, she’d hold that girl’s arms behind her back and let the other have three punches to her face and/or body. Both girls nodded that they understood and returned to their corner.

Round 1

The singers circle each other to start with, Nicola pushing her left glove into Victoria’s face a couple of times, then the older girl throws a left to Nic’s body; the punch hitting her in the ribs with a SMACK! Nicola dropped her guard - and got a left-right combination of punches to her face for the mistake.

Nicola blinked, her face stinging. She takes another left jab to the face from the advancing ‘Posh Spice’ who is quickly into her stride; landing a couple of nice shots to the younger girls belly, then following with a good right hook to the jaw which has the redhead staggering backward to the ropes.

Victoria can finish this right now it appears, as she cracks a left jab to Nic’s mouth, and a good right to the body. Three more lefts to the face, which is already reddening, have Nicola stepping in fencepost holes! Nicola has no defensive strategy, she’s just taking a beating on the ropes (perhaps hoping the older woman will punch herself out). Nicola throws a few punches of her own, landing once to Posh’s body; then trading punches with the older woman. Victoria smiles as her jabs thud relentlessly into Nicola’s face.

But as the round comes to a close, Victoria’s work rate declines visibly, allowing Nicola to score a few times; her left hook finding the older woman’s face. Nicola has Posh on the ropes covering up as the bell rings to end the first round. It’s Victoria’s, but she needs to watch herself.

Round 2

Nicola starts the second round as she ended the first; beating Victoria to the punch. Her right jab is getting through the older girls gloves and rocking her head. What looked like a routine fight a few minutes before, is turning nasty for Posh as Nicola rips a left hook to her gut making her squeak. SMACK! A right jab to the face rocks her again and Posh starts bleeding from the mouth. She’s not happy. The younger girl piles into her, that jab smacking Victoria’s head back again and again. A left hook to the ribs has her wobbling and then another to the jaw floors her. Victoria Beckham is down!

Kelly Brook looks into Victoria’s eyes once she gets back to her feet at “seven” - her top lip is split open and she has a swelling under her left eye, but there is no reason to stop the fight, and Kelly waves it on. The energetic Nicola is attacking again, her right jab can’t miss and she has Victoria back against the ropes! “Wobbly Spice” takes four solid rights one after another, then that left jab smacks her in the face again - DOWN GOES BECKHAM!

There’s a lot of blood on Posh’s face - her nose is bleeding copiously. She struggles to her feet at “eight” and a concerned Kelly asks Victoria if she wants to quit. She seems to think, then shakes her head. It isn’t a real option, although she knows if she gets floored again in this round it will be all over anyway.

Can Nicola finish Victoria off? In she comes again, that lovely jab has the older woman on the ropes. Then another jab and Vickie’s wobbly again. A left to the body and…wait! Victoria comes back with a thumping right hook to Nicola’s face. Nic’s backpedaling, hurt and confused! Near the end of the round, it’s Nicola whose back is on the ropes as Posh lands a lovely left to the ribs; a straight right to the belly; a combination to the face. Then the bell ends the round, perhaps saving Nicola from a humiliating loss or, at most, a knockdown. Round Two goes to Nicola who floored Victoria twice.

Round 3

Victoria’s face is marked, but Nicola is also showing some redness on both cheeks - this is a battle! Nicola is slower off her stool this round and Victoria lands a flurry of blows: left, right, left to her body. The youngster is hurt and a good left to the face sends a shower of sweat across the ring. Victoria’s on fire now, following up with another combination of solid blows to the ribs and belly. Posh is softening the youngster up now; her body shots measured and precise; the sort of punching that cracked Sarah Manners’ ribs.

Nicola’s guard is dropping as she gasps in pain and Victoria pins her in her own corner. Beck’s hammers a beautiful left hook home in the ribcage - and it’s too much for the girl. NICOLA’S DOWN! Nicola Roberts is down and takes an “eight count” from Kelly Brook.

That left hook has really hurt Nicola, and she’s guarding against it with her right glove low, which is fine; but Posh is now cracking her left hand straight into the poor girl’s unprotected face. SHE’S CUT - Nicola’s cut! It’s the right eyebrow - she’s in trouble! Victoria pounds that damaged eye, then drives a heavy right that sinks deep in Nic’s belly.

Again, the bell saves her but this is all Victoria’s round - she’s back in front!

Round 4

Victoria’s face still looks sore, but Nicola’s face is a mess! Her lips are swollen and bruised and her right eye is split and swollen almost completely shut.

A weary Nicola Roberts takes a good shot to the jaw immediately, then a superb left to the mouth - and another. NICOLA’S DOWN AGAIN! Nicola goes down in the opening seconds of round four! She’s on her back, blood smeared across her face as Posh has split both lips open.

Kelly’s count reaches a slow “eight” and Nicola struggles to her feet, looking very unsteady. Brook should stop this right now! But no, she lets it go on.

Victoria’s landing lovely, brutal, punches to Nicola’s body again. Now a right hook to the face and Nic’s GOES down… face down…her prostrate body shuddering, racked by sobs.

Nicola gamely pushes herself to her hands and knees - has she had enough? No. She’s up at “seven” and Kelly’s wagging a finger at Posh, telling her to finish it quickly or she’ll put an end to it herself.

A nice left jab from Victoria puts Nicola’s back up against the ropes; a lovely right-left combination to the belly doubles her over, then…OH MAGNIFICENT! Post rips a right uppercut straight up through Nic’s guard and the poor bitch is out before her butt hits the canvas. Nicola is down and out for the count! Victoria has knocked Nicola cold! What a great fight!

Emma wants Victoria to humiliate Nicola, but she refuses, “The girl deserves to leave with her dignity.” It’s not a sentiment Emma appears to share.