"G'day, ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages!" Thorn begins, his baritone voice tinged with an Australian accent, "My name is Gavan Thorn. Please let me know - are you having a great time?" The crowd pops again. "Spectacular! Now, I wasn't planning on joining you kind people until next week when TKOW takes to the Bellagio in Las Vegas for Lady Luck. But things - things, occurred last week that cannot stand. People who were not contracted TKOW employees must not be allowed to interfere with operations. My son - Gavan the Third - did not fully understand that. We all make mistakes and there comes a time when we must admit to them. I admit making a mistaking in hiring my son. I thought that he would be the best person to run TKOW. That was an error. And that is why, effective immediately, I have relieved him of his duties. Teeth were gnashed, most assuredly, but my decision is final.
"But that meant that somebody would need to be in command on a daily basis. I pondered this dilemma for quite a while and finally came to a decision. I believe that I found the right person and I believe that you will also agree that this is the right person. They are a person that can be trusted, a person that has been a star in the wrestling ring - though an unfortunate injury did curtail that portion of their career - and a person that I have come to trust more and more. In fact, they have been with TKOW since its inception - though, until this point, never on TKOW television. Crikey! I'm bloody sorry for going on like this - let's bring her out here. Your new TKOW Chief Operating Officer. . . NEVE CAMPBELL!"
"In Bloom" by Nirvana blasts over the speakers as Neve Campbell appears at the top of the ramp. She is dressed in a short black skirt showing off her long dancer gams and a matching black jacket buttoned once at the breasts. A lacy black bra can be seen peeking from beneath the jacket and her smooth, pale belly can be seen as well. Neve smiles as she receives the crowd's cheers. Many participants on TKOW Internet forums had posted rumors that Neve would be on TV soon - though some argued that she wouldn't "because of her knee"; none saw this coming. She marched down the center of the aisle, smiling and occasionally waving a little. She looks thrilled to be back - in fact, she occasionally looks she might be overcome with emotion. Two ringside attendants climb up onto the apron and hold the ropes open for Neve to climb through. For his part, Thorn comes over and offers his hand to his new executive, guiding her into the ring.
Nirvana fades away and is replaced by a "NEVE! NEVE!! NEVE!!!" chant by the fans. Okay, now tears ARE appearing slightly at the corner of Neve's eyes. She quickly brushes them away with a touching nonchalance. Thorn raises his microphone again, smile on his face, eyes twinkling: "Well, you certainly do love my pick, don't you? The reason I have elevated Neve to this position is because I need a person that can control these ladies, somebody who has been there in the muck and mire with them, somebody who knows what a wrestler's life is all about. I trust that she will make the right decisions in my steed and that those decisions will also be right by you people - you, the people I care about so deeply and want to see entertained. That's the business end of things. I'm terribly sorry it is so dull, but now that the lovely Ms. Campbell is here we can get back to the real business - the business of wrestling. Please, Neve?" He gestures for Neve to take over.
"First off, let me thank each and every one of you for that wicked reception. It's been a long time, guys - thanks for still remembering about me! But now to last week, the reason I was hired. I guess there are some people that believe they are bigger than the TKOW, that think they can call the shots. That's gonna change. Right. Now! But I want to say things to these people's faces. Let's get them out here, let's go!"
We cut away from the ring with a BAM! A huge guitar lick as the pink and black Total Knockout Wrestling logo explodes onto the screen and we go right into the opening titles, images flying by while The Donnas' "Take It Off" plays:
Jessica Biel nailing Laura Prepon with the Stealth Bomber (Widow's Peak). Kaley Cuoco flying through the air. Gretchen Wilson Spinebustering Busy Philipps. Eva Mendes and Eva Longoria having their arms raised in victory. Devon Aoki delivering a vicious kick to the chin of Jewel. Lindsay Lohan posing by her hot tub, her arms above her head, smiling sneakily. The Sisterhood hitting Eva Longoria with the Hood Ornament. Thora Birch Hammering Penelope Cruz in the corner. Ziyi Zhang leaping off the top rope with the Great Fall (Rope Walk X-Factor) on Parminder Nagra. Tyra Banks dropping Mandy Moore with the Tyrant (Choke Slam). Emmy Rossum spreading her fingers wide and plunging them into Anne Hathaway's belly. Pink delivering a sharp Punk Out (Heart Punch) to the chest of Christina Ricci. Kristen Bell and Amanda Seyfried embracing after their first win. Rosario Dawson slamming Angelina Jolie with the ‘Five Boroughs Slam’ (Spinning Wheel Barrow Slam) and, finally, Rosario climbing a turnbuckle and hold her TKOW Championship belt aloft
After the credits have rolled we are back in the ring where, assembling during the credits, the following have gathered: TKOW Champion Rosario Dawson (belt slung over her right shoulder), Jessica Biel and Pink.
The three stand in a rough triangle, with Thorn and Neve standing in the middle. Jessica glares at Rosario, Rosario glares back at Jessica and Pink alternates a glare between both Rosario and Jessica. Not a whole hell of a lot of trust in the ring right now, to say the least.
Neve turns her attention to Jessica, "Jessica, Jessica, Jessica! Last week, YOU apparently took it upon yourself to pick out who YOU wanted to face at Lady Luck. Right? I mean, that's why you went after Pink here? Because you'd rather face Rosario."
"It's 'cause she's chickenshit!" Pink, off-mike, yells across the ring.
Neve quickly puts a hand up. "I'm getting to you, Pinky! Well, Jessica, let me let you know that championship contenders do NOT get to choose who is the champion they'll face."
Jessica smirks and raises a microphone, "Whatya telling me, chief? That you're going to be all big and bad and take my shot away from me? 'Cause if you do, I'm warning. . ."
Thorn, who has been quiet this whole time, steps in and says, "My dear, what she is trying to say is that - as these folks would say - you fucked up!" A little grin spreads across his face as the crowd pops for him. Jessica takes a step over toward the 66 year old owner. Neve quickly slides over between the two and raises her chin in defiance at the taller Jessica.
Jessica sneers down at her and, lowering her mike so that only the people in the ring can hear, sneers to Neve, "How's your knee?"
Neve's eyes flinch, like she is recalling a painful and harsh memory. Just as quickly, she narrows her eyes and stares back at Jessica. "Here's the deal. Jessica; you’ll get your shot at Rosario's belt... " Jessica looks past Thorn and Neve's shoulders and shoots Rosario a cruel look. She just grins and stares back at her. "... and Pink, you will get a shot at Rosario's belt... " Pink begins to break into a grin and rubs her fists together "... and Rosario and Pink YOU will get a shot at Jessica." For a moment, Rosario's grin had faded but now she realizes what is going on. She smiles again, nodding her head. "That’s right; we're going to have an elimination style Triple Threat match for the belt. Pink or Jessica, you beat Rosario you win the belt. But, if Rosario, say, beats one of you other two, then it's one-on-one with the champ. Naturally, we can all see how some people might be wearing a little bigger target than others. . ."
Neve lowers and her mike and stares at Jessica, a mischievous little grin spreading across her pretty face. The crowd pops again as the Lady Luck main event is announced. "In Bloom" kicks up again as Rosario and Pink set their eyes on Jessica. Thorn goes over and whispers something into Neve's ear. The last thing we see before commercial is Neve listening intently then breaking out in a full-throated laugh, while Jessica slowly makes her way back down the aisle, not exactly getting what she had planned.
LINDSAY LOHAN (5'5" 125#, Hollywood, CA) vs. ANNE HATHAWAY (5'8" 125#, Brooklyn, NY)
Lohan’s attire: White cleavage-baring tank top and white cotton short-shorts, both studded with sparkling rhinestones. White calf-high socks and white Adidas sneakers. White and black Adidas wristbands. Loose red hair.
Hathaway’s Attire: Midnight blue halter bikini top, midnight blue boy shorts w/white belt. Midnight blue knee pads and high white boots. Dark hair in high ponytail.
(JOINED IN PROGRESS) Anne Hathaway wasn't having a good night. She found herself bent at the waist, her head trapped between Lindsay Lohan's constricting thighs. She could hear Lindsay laughing from above - laughing at Anne's flailing arms that couldn't reach any part of Lindsay. Laughing at Anne's feeble attempts at offense earlier - all flailing punches and ill-timed attempts at complicated moves. For whatever reason, Anne had taken a running leap back from her match against Emmy Rossum.
Anne's thoughts were interrupted as Lindsay relaxed her legs and then suddenly tightened them again. Anne screamed as Lindsay's grip put more pressure on her skull. Anne knew that this wasn't a real submission hold - it hurt, yeah, but she knew Lindsay wasn't trying to make her quit, not now - but she had the urge to tap against Lindsay's thigh anyway, just get this thing over with. No! The rapidly fading "toughness" part of Anne's make-up commanded her. From between Lindsay's legs Anne set her jaw and her brain finally started to reboot. But she was too slow because Lindsay was already carrying on her nasty best. Anne felt a hand snake slowly down her back. The sensation caused goose pimples to rise on her bare flesh. The hand left her body for just a moment and then. . . OW!!! There was a sharp, wet smacking sound as Lindsay slapped Anne's prone ass. SMACK! Another one! Anne started to squirm, squealing not so much in pain but in abject humiliation.
Even Lindsay - as cruel as she was - couldn't figure Anne out. But, she figured, screw that bitch if she isn't going to fight her best. She pulled both of Anne's arms up and intertwined her own arms with them. She dropped to her knees and drove Anne face first into the mat. Anne rolled over onto her back and stared up at the harsh arena lights, her eyes blinking, her arms paralyzed at her sides.
"C'mon, Anne!" a ringside fan called out.
She rolled onto her stomach and tried to push herself up with her arms. But she just as soon found her arms collapsing and was falling face first toward the canvas. Her chin hit the mat hard and she felt Lindsay's full body weight sitting down on her back. Anne started swimming her arms in front of her looking for a way to escape. She saw Lindsay's Adidas-endorsed wrists emerge in front of her face and then Lindsay's knees slide under her arms and prop them off the mat.
Still processing things at an unacceptably slow speed, she felt Lindsay's damp fingers close under her chin. Pain shot through Anne's body as Lindsay pulled back. The Disney Princess' face contorted grotesquely (and the TV cameras were in perfect position to capture it): her eyes bugged out and she tried to move her head from side-to-side. Even if Anne wanted to submit (and the thought was appealing to her), she couldn't say so because Lindsay's hands pushed her teeth together. She could only release a sad moan through slightly parted lips as she was asked by the referee if she wanted to give up.
Lindsay lowered her mouth down toward Anne's ear, where her hot breath made Anne squirm, "You're really fighting like some candy-ass girl!" Lindsay released the hold and let Anne's head flop heavily to the mat. Lindsay pranced around Anne's stunned body, holding her arms up, looking for some audience feedback. Lindsay grabbed Anne's ponytail like a handle and again put herself face to face with Anne. "It's okay," she said, "You'll get the Sedative soon."
The mention of the Sedative made something click in Anne's mind. It was one thing to lose to Emmy Rossum's Fermata. That was bad but not outright embarrassing. But to pass out between Lindsay's breasts? That would just be too, too much. If she was going to lose she wasn’t going to be humiliated. So Anne finally fought back. She fired a clenched fist at the little ribbon of belly appearing above Lindsay's cotton shorts. It was a wonderful feeling to feel her fist land with authority and hear Lindsay grunt and step back. She took another shot at Lindsay's gut. The redhead stepped back again and gave up possession of Anne's ponytail. Anne rose up to her full 5'8" - a good three inches more than Lindsay. Finally she had the upper hand.
She scooped up the still coughing Lindsay and held her horizontal to the mat. Anne fell backwards and threw Lindsay over her head with a perfect Fall-away Slam. Lindsay smashed into the mat and rolled to a stop, stunned, arms flung wide. Anne took a running start off the ropes, jumped into the air and drove a pointed elbow into the middle of Lindsay's boobs. Lindsay folded up, air escaping her body with a hiss, her eyes dazed and confused. "There ya go!" somebody at ringside shouted. She pulled an unresisting Lindsay off the mat and whipped her into the ropes. Anne was very smart book-wise. Wrestling and ringwise? Not so much. As in her match with Emmy Rossum Anne made another costly mistake. When Lindsay approached her, Anne bent over and looked straight down at the mat. Lindsay, who despite everything was NOT dumb in the ring, seized on this error and leap-frogged over Anne. She stopped on a dime and turned back toward Anne, a familiar smirk spreading across her face.
Anne was again just a bit slow to realize - she stood up and turned around, expecting to see Lindsay bouncing back toward her. All she saw was THAT smirk before a white Adidas smashed up into her belly. Anne gasped for air and was defenseless as Lindsay jumped up and cupped her right arm around Anne's head. Lindsay fell back to the mat and drove her shoulder up into Anne's chin. The Lindsay Lo-down sent Anne sailing backwards. She settled on her back in the center of the ring, arms and legs spread, fight gone.
Lindsay paraded around Anne's prone body again. She straddled Anne and looked down at her, smirk still ever-present. Everyone knew what was coming now. Lindsay reached down and lifted her shirt up and over her head. Flashbulbs popped as Lindsay's famous rack (encased in a sweaty, white, not all terribly constraining sports bra) was on display. Lindsay tossed her shirt down next to Anne's head and paused for just a moment. Suddenly, she dropped down, driving her shapely ass into Anne's bread basket.
"Ohhhhhh!" Anne exclaimed as the force of the Butt Drop made her sit up; exactly as Lindsay wanted.
She grabbed onto the back of Anne's head with both hands and pulled it into her chest. At the same time Lindsay's legs shot out and scissored around the sitting Anne's mid-section and back. Anne had just a second to fathom (and a second to yell "NO!") before Lindsay pushed her face deep into her heaving bosom. Anne panicked, opening her mouth wide against the thin fabric of Lindsay's sports bra, whatever air she had left quickly exiting her lungs. She kicked her legs violently but she couldn't move. Lindsay and the Sedative were in complete control.
Lindsay writhed in glee as she pushed Anne's face into her breasts. She could hear the muffled screams and shouts emerging from down there - music to my ears, she thought. But she was a little mad, too, because she should have won this thing earlier. But Anne had to go and find a spine and try a comeback. She was going to pay for that. Lindsay relaxed her arms a little and allowed Anne to breath again. Anne threw her head back, mouth wide open, and made desperate gasping sounds as she tried to suck in as much air as possible. To compensate, Lindsay tightened her legs around Anne's midsection.
"Guhhhh!" was the only sound Anne could make now as she was feeling pain everywhere.
Lindsay grabbed Anne's head again and pulled it back to her chest. Again, Anne kicked her legs and moaned from her air-tight tomb. Lindsay felt short, hot breaths on her chest. She realized that Anne was saying something. She released Anne once again and held her by the ponytail. Anne could barely keep her eyes open, her face a deep crimson, a nasty mix of sweat and spittle collected around her mouth. "P-p-lease, Lindsay, just end it," Anne moaned. Lindsay laughed. "That's up to you, babe," she said before shoving her back in one more time. This time there were no more moans or protests from Anne. Lindsay flexed her arms and gave one final thrust. Finally, she felt Anne's body go slack in her arms. The referee realized this too and immediately called for the bell.
Lindsay's own voice singing her song "First" filled the arena. Lindsay unscissored her legs and released Anne's head. Anne collapsed backwards to the mat, her arms down at her sides. Her pretty face was still a dark crimson and her eyes stayed completely shut. Spittle flecked the corners of her mouth. Lindsay climbed to her feet and had her hand raised while graciously accepting the crowd's boos. She bent down and scooped up her discarded tank top. She knelt down next to Anne's slumbering body and whispered in her ear: "Say goodbye to TKOW, Annie. You're pathetic." Lindsay made a big show of draping her sweaty tank top over Anne's face. The crowd really got on her for that. But Lindsay didn't care. The least Anne could have done was put up a decent fight, she thought, leaving the oncoming medics to deal with Anne's unconscious body.
TKOW Chief Operating Officer Neve Campbell surveys her new office and surroundings. We see her wistfully adjust a black-and-white photograph on the wall behind her desk. We can just faintly see that it is Neve in a dark colored bikini having her hand raised in victory. Wear and tear can be seen on her face in the photo, but it is her big smile that dominates. Is that a sigh we hear come from the new COO? We don't know for sure because her door suddenly bursts open and two angry ladies come storming in. Neve immediately puts her "business" face on and turns to her visitors.
"You wanted to see us?" Eva Longoria asked her new boss.
"What, you gonna bust us for smacking that lil' twerp what's-her-name around last week?" Eva Mendes adds.
Neve runs her tongue over her top teeth, measuring up the ex-tag team champions, then sneers, "Her name is Kelli Garner and your so-called 'smacking' put the girl in the hospital for three days so she also won't be able to fight at Lady Luck. So I'm sure you guys are very proud of yourselves." The Evas stick their lower lips out a bit and nod their heads with satisfaction. "But that's not why I called you in here. You two think you're going to get a rematch; that as ex-champs you deserve it. Well, now that I'M in charge, nothing's getting handed to anyone. So, no, you're not getting an automatic rematch at Lady Luck!"
The Evas start to protest, Eva M. going to so far as to pound her fist on Neve's desk in frustration. Neve starts to engage them in an argument when she looks past the Evas and raises her eyebrows. The Evas realize she isn't paying attention to them anymore and spin around, ready to confront whoever is stealing their thunder. But even they pause for a second when they see the two figures filling Neve's doorway.
Jessica Alba and Ashley Scott each lean against one side of the door frame, their arms crossed, smiling confidently. "Wow. So this is what passes for champs here?" Jessica says.
"Ex-champs, Jess," Ashley corrects her.
"Riiiight. And then we left the real champs busted open in a parking lot. Like I said, this is what passes for champs?" Jessica says.
The Evas take a few steps forward. "You wanna say that to our faces?" Eva M. says, raising her chin at Jessica. "You mean that we did what you chicks couldn't? Take out the Sisterhood?" Ashley says, rising to the challenge. The four ladies stare each other down in the doorway, the Evas full of anger, Jessica and Ashley just calmly smiling at them with a decided air of confidence/arrogance. Neve finally decides to speak up. "Yep, you took them out by attacking them in a parking lot when you weren't even contracted wrestlers. That sure is impressive! Except for the part about it not being so much." This breaks the staredown as all four ladies turn their attention toward Neve.
"Evas, I know that you think you deserve a rematch, even after you put somebody in the hospital. Jessica and Ashley, I bet you think that you deserve a shot at The Sisterhood since you, as you so tactfully put it, took them out. First thing, nobody just walks into TKOW and gets a title shot. Never gonna happen. You wanna shot, you're gonna earn it by stepping the ring first. I don't care how badass you think you are," Neve says, pointedly looking at Jessica and Ashley. She turns her attention back to the Evas.
"You two I'm pissed off at. . ." Eva L. butts in: "We know, 'cause we hurt precious Kelli and hate their friends. Gee, the fact you trained Alexis and Amber isn't causing any of this anger, is it?" Neve narrows her eyes and pauses for a second. She looks at both teams and stares at them hard. "This is what's going to happen: the four of you are going to have a match. Tonight. The winner gets The Sisterhood at Lady Luck. Honestly, I don't care who it is - hell, you could both tear each from limb to limb for all I care and I can give the shot to Power & Glory. They're both bitches but at least I don't have to call them to the friggin' principal’s office. But whoever wins that match will get The Sisterhood at Lady Luck." She points a finger right into Eva L's face: "And you - if you, or anyone else for that matter, ever, EVER calls into question my impartiality again, I WILL kick their ass ten ways to Sunday and they will NEVER wrestle here again. Have we got all that? Good. Now. Get. Out."
Eva Destruction and Jessica and Ashley eye each other. Finally, Jessica and Ashley leave first, smiles still plastered on their face. Eva Destruction looks obviously angry - they still believe the shot should be theirs outright - as they leave. Neve watches the four of them go and, once she is sure they are gone, breaks into a big grin. "Shit, I'm going to love this job!" she exclaims out loud, throwing herself into her cushy armchair to watch the monitor.
This TKOW Blackout Moment brought to you by Mountain Dew Pitch Black, now available in stores:
Last week on TKOW. . . We see Kristen Bell and Amanda Seyfried, B.F.F, go into their dressing room. The door slams shut behind them and we hear screams and commotion coming from inside. The TKOW security guard can't open the door and there is a struggle to find the key. Kristen can be heard to scream "No, no, NO!!" and then two loud thumps are heard. The door opens as if by itself to reveal Kristen and Amanda laying in a pile on the floor. From the shadows steps Amber Benson and Alyson Hannigan. They calmly walk past the stunned security guards. Alyson remarks to Amber in a eerily calm manner: "You have blood on your cheek." Amber dabs at it with the back of her hand and tastes it. "It's not mine," she says calmly as they walk away down the hallway.
Now back in the TKOW Arena: The lights suddenly go out and we hear the sound of wind and rain. Then a chorus of small children's voices, creepily incanting: "By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes..."
On the Big Board at the top of the ramp appears a giant (CGI) drop of blood, hanging at the top of the screen, and then quickly dropping. As it gets to the bottom of the screen there is a large FLASH of "lightning," that illuminates the two figures now standing there, while the screen fills up in all blood red. Then the music starts: a loud, distorted, synthy remix of the famous theme from "Halloween." As the lights come back up a logo reading "Something Wicked" spells itself in black letters on blood red background.
Alyson Hannigan wears black leather pants and short black vest, buttoned in the middle of her chest, exposing her pale stomach. A blood red bra can be seen underneath her vest. Amber Benson wears red leather pants and a black lace-up bustier that pushes her chest up and holds it in place. Both wear lace-up black boots. They walk down the aisle side-by-side, in-step and staring straight ahead, little to no expression on their face. As the approach the ring where TKOW reporter/interviewer Tina Fey nervously awaits them the music builds, getting faster and faster before finally crescendoing to a stop. The crowd is taken aback by their production values and, to be honest, is kind of freaked out by them.
Each member stands on each side of Tina, kind of staring at her in fascination. Tina takes a step back but finally speaks. "Okay, Something Wicked. You guys finally came out, huh? Of the shadows, I mean! See, now everyone can be scared of you to your faces instead of behind your backs." Alyson pulled the mike away from Tina. "Tina Fey, you believe that this is a time to make jokes, to mock our very existence. Ask Best Fighters Forever if they think we are something to be laughed at." "I can't ask them, they aren't here," Tina says. It's Amber's turn to speak: "Because they now know what everyone in Total Knockout Wrestling will learn. That Something Wicked shall be feared by all. Now that Best Fighters Forever has looked us in the eye they know that they cannot face us. We are too strong and they are too weak." Alyson: "We fully expect the same from the remainder of the Total Knockout Wrestling roster. It is understood that someone will deign to face us and we will destroy them as we destroyed Best Fighters Forever."
"Come on now, honey. . . Bring it on, bring it on, yeah!" the Dandy Warhols' "We Used To Be Friends" calls out throughout the arena. The crowd rises to their feet with cheers, their heads all turning toward the top of the ramp. Both members of Something Wicked duck their heads to their chest and look up the aisle, lifting their eyes up, faces unmoving - combined with low camera-angles this makes them look very scary and evil. The crowd explodes when Kristen Bell and Amanda Seyfried, B.F.F. appear at the top of the ramp, alive and well.
Well, except alive and well except for the big band-aid on the side of Kristen's neck and the Ace bandage wrapped around Amanda's right hand. Other than that everything is okay. Both ladies stand defiantly at the top of the ramp, hands on their hips. Amanda wears a short, lime green pleated skirt and white v-neck blouse and platform sandals. Her partner and friend Kristen wears a pair of khaki capri pants and a red tee-shirt with a picture of an erupting volcano and the accompanying message "Don't Blow Your Top!" and black sandals. They each carry a microphone. "Did we miss anything?" Amanda says. Tina can't help herself: "Yes. Something Wicked said that you figured out they weren't very funny." Both members turn their heads and silence Tina with a cold glare. Tina gulps and backs away. Amber rips the mike from Tina's hands. "You will learn, too, Tina Fey," Amber says.
"Oh, gosh, leave her alone!" Kristen calls. "You had us scared, gals, until we saw who you were. Man, we, like, faced you guys in the ring not that long ago. Now - what? - you're all spooky and stuff?" Kristen laughs, a crooked grin on her face.
"What's your deal, anyway?" Amanda asks. Alyson takes the mike from Amber and ignores Amanda's question. "We notice that you do not approach us. You continue to be dominated by your fear of us." Kristen and Amanda shake their heads, not agreeing in the least. "No? Then, please, come down to us right now," Alyson says.
Kristen and Amanda look at each other and shrug their shoulders. Now they know Something Wicked's just flesh and blood, right? They start to move toward the ring, the crowd's cheers rising to a fever pitch. Just as they are about to start down the ramp a wall of fire shoots up in front of them. Both members of B.F.F. grab onto one another and jump back from the flames. The flames recede and they look back up at the ring. Amber and Alyson are now smiling. That's not good. Amber speaks, "Was this enough of a warning to the pair of you? What else do you desire?"
Amanda is defiant: "We desire to kick your asses!" Kristen nods enthusiastically. "At Lady Luck, right? Just the four of us, no outside help, no magic." Amber and Alyson slowly nod their heads. "Agreed. At Lady Luck, you're downfall will be complete and we will have claimed our first victims," Amber says. "There shall be no escape," Alyson adds ominously. At the top of the ramp Kristen and Amanda nod, signaling their agreement to the match. Like they decided earlier, Alyson and Amber were flesh and blood just like them. They could be beaten. Everyone can be beaten some way. Despite their posturing and posing, Something Wicked was no exception. Right?!
FERGIE (5'2" 110#, Hacienda Heights, CA) vs. EMMY ROSSUM (5'8" 115#, The Upper East Side of Manhattan)
Fergie Attire: Tight pink half-shirt with "Rasslin'" written across it in a "funky" font. Little black pleated skirt w/black panties underneath. Multi-color leg warmers and black sneakers. Long blonde hair in battle braid.
Rossum Attire: Light purple crushed velvet one-piece swimsuit, cut straight across above the breasts. Thin, transparent straps give the impression that it is strapless (like a gown). Matching knee pads and white boots with a small black treble clef monogrammed on the sides. Dark hair loose and curly.
(JOINED IN PROGRESS) Fergie squirmed as Emmy Rossum tightened her grip on her right wrist. Emmy gritted her teeth and twisted again, bringing an anguished groan from Fergie's lips as she fell to one knee. Emmy allowed herself a grin when she heard that - to administer pain like that to this odious singer was just a glorious feeling! Emmy went up to her tippy-toes to increase the pressure. "Just glorious!" she repeated to herself.
Emmy's elation was cut short when Fergie suddenly swept her free arm toward Emmy's legs. Emmy crashed to her back as her hands slipped from Fergie's wrist. She lay on her back, her mouth open in an "O" of surprise. "Upstart!" Emmy shouted. "Whatever you call it, I'm gonna kick your ass," Fergie retorted. The funky singer stood over Emmy, straddling her body and bent down to pull her off the mat. Emmy sent her talon-like, well-manicured fingers up and raked them across Fergie's eyes. Fergie yiped and stood there stunned for a second. Emmy reached up and grabbed hold of each of Fergie's dangling arms. At the same time, she pulled her legs back toward her chest and placed both boots on Fergie's tight tummy. Emmy rolled backwards, tossing Fergie backwards over her head. The airborne wrestler crashed hard onto her back. She lay stunned, gasping for air, eyes blinking rapidly. From her prone position she looked up to suddenly see Emmy standing above her head, her head cocked to one side, a studious look on her face.
"You really are a dreadful singer," was all Emmy said before Fergie saw a boot raised and then dropped toward her face. Pain shot through her body as Emmy's boot smashed into her forehead. Fergie screamed and cradled her forsaken head. Emmy pulled her up by her long battle braid and snarled, "That sounds so much better."
She cinched Fergie in a front face lock and hooked her skirt and panties. Emmy lifted up and dropped straight back with a textbook Snap Suplex. She didn't release the face lock though and pulled Fergie right back up to her feet and Snap Suplexed her again. Fergie writhed on the mat, mouth open for a scream but too winded for any sound to actually emerge. Emmy rose to her feet and studied her prey. Her eyes immediately went to Fergie's impressive abdomen. That would need to be worked on, Emmy decided. She bent down and pulled her right knee pad down over her boot. Emmy bounced off the ropes and ran back toward her opponent. She jumped into the air and drove her bare knee square into Fergie's wide open belly. There was a smack that was quickly covered up by Fergie's scream. The crowd started to boo Emmy again - some in the crowd and on the Internet just couldn't believe that someone as demure as Emmy could be so vicious. But it was true; just ask Fergie!
Emmy liked the feel of that move so she quickly tried to come up with a way to top it. She snapped her fingers and grabbed hold of Fergie's arms and dragged her toward a corner. The pop star was still struggling with the pain in her stomach and didn't resist. When she was positioned just right Emmy dropped her opponent's arms and ran over toward the corner and hopped up to the 2nd turnbuckle. She wasn't that familiar with this type of maneuver but did like the view, not unlike the high-rise she grew up in on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Emmy had to take a second to steady herself and then jumped off, bending her right knee as she fell toward Fergie's toned target.
She must have taken a little too much time admiring the view because as Emmy flew through the air, long, curly hair trailing behind her, Fergie cowboyed up enough to roll toward the center of the ring, away from Emmy's onrushing knee. The point of Emmy's unpadded knee collided unforgivably with the canvas. Emmy let out a tortured yell as pain shot up and down her right side. Then her leg suddenly went numb for a few seconds. She lay there, massaging it with her hands, trying to get back to her feet. Fergie had crawled over to the ropes and was pulling herself up slowly but surely. She regained her balance and looked over at Emmy, who was now in a sitting position, looking deeply confused. Fergie broke into a grin and rushed toward her, the muscles in her dancer's legs pushing her across the ring with graceful strides. As she approached Emmy, Fergie popped both of her legs out in front of her, driving them into Emmy's back.
Emmy gave a grunt and leaned forward, the pain in her back tremendous. "Oh, how she'll pay!" Emmy thought to herself just before two black sneakers showed up in front of her face. They crossed at the ankles and an incredible pain shot through Emmy's head. She couldn't see it but Fergie was laying face-down behind her, legs thrown back over Emmy's shoulders, her strong ankles now squeezing Emmy's slender neck. Fergie pushed up with her arms to gain leverage. Emmy coughed a little as she brought her hands up and tried to pry apart Fergie's ankles.
The referee was on one knee asking if she wanted to submit but Emmy gasped, "Never!"
Then she heard Fergie call from behind her, "I'm takin' you down!"
But it only emboldened Emmy's resolve to escape - no way would she lose to someone with such limited vocabulary! The Phantom of the Opera star felt up and down Fergie's legs looking for. . . there it was! She dug each of her hands into the back of Fergie's knees, scraping and clawing at the tendons and muscles there. Fergie tried to hold on but, with a shout, she unscissored her legs and rolled away from Emmy's prying fingers. She rolled back to her butt and massaged the back of her knees with her hands, wincing as she did so. She felt good now - this opera snob was tougher than she expected but she knew she could crack her in the end. Emmy was also massaging her neck and narrowed her eyes determined now to do whatever necessary to make this vile "singer" suffer.
Fergie got her feet and hobbled (Emmy's long fingers had done some damage!) over toward where Emmy was rising. Fergie picked up speed as she charged Emmy - Emmy saw her coming though and ducked to one side, catching Fergie's left leg with own leg and dropping her with a Drop Toe Hold. Unfortunately, momentum had carried Fergie close to the ropes and she fell unimpeded throat-first across the bottom. Fergie stuck her tongue out, gagging, as the cable dug into her windpipe. Emmy was up to her feet now and smirked as she approached Fergie. She pulled her back by the battle braid and locked eyes with her - no sympathy for the gagging singer was forthcoming.
All Emmy said was, "Will you have trouble singing in the future? Oh, good!"
Emmy pulled Fergie to the center of the ring and bent her over at the waist. She spun around so that the top of Fergie's head was at the small of her back and reached around and hooked Fergie's arms. She dropped straight down to the mat taking Fergie face first. The Decrescendo hit Fergie hard and left her face down and motionless. Emmy got her feet with a smile on her face. She knelt down, placing on her own knees on the back of Fergie's. Emmy reached forward and pulled Fergie back by the arms so that the singer's head was tucked under Emmy's left armpit. Emmy snaked her left arm around Fergie's chin and throat and flexed, immediately cutting off air. Fergie grunted and flailed her free left arm fruitlessly. Emmy held her own right hand up for a moment and plunged her five spread fingers into Fergie's unprotected belly. She wrenched and clawed at Fergie's weakened abs. Fergie was trapped in the Fermata. Pride kept Fergie from submitting immediately. She groaned and struggled looking for any avenue of escape, though none was forthcoming. Emmy turned her head toward her struggling opponent and smiled, as if hit by sudden inspiration.
While Fergie's struggles weakened, Emmy started singing operatically in a beautiful, coloratura soprano, "Oh, oh, oh. . . you're gonna sub-MIT!" (she went for and hit a high B-flat on "MIT!").
Fergie's last thought before she passed out was that the bitch ripped off one of her songs. But she did pass out then, her eyes closing and her flailing left arm dropping lifelessly to her side and the referee immediately called for the bell.
"The Flower Song" from the opera "Lakme" took over the sound system as Emmy released Fergie and allowed her to drop to the mat, her body folded over at the knees. Emmy had a pretty smile on her face as she wiped hair from her eyes. She saw the footman - they were really ringside attendants, but she referred to them as footman - climbing up the ring steps, a bunch of roses in his hands. Emmy regarded the flowers with surprise, as if she wasn't the one who planted them at ringside. She took a curtain call, curtsied to the booing crowd and, putting her hand to her heart as if she was at the Met, left the ring. She dropped a rose on Fergie's unmoving body, already thinking ahead to Lady Luck and how she would handle that upstart foreigner Parminder Nagra. Emmy decided that she would handle her quite well, thank you very much.
TKOW Green Room. Lindsay Lohan comes walking in wearing a silky pink robe embroidered with "LL" on one of the breasts. It is held closed by just a thin sash, revealing a tantalizing peek at her cleavage. Her hair is wet like she just stepped out of the shower, a white towel slung over one shoulder. She holds a cell phone to one ear and carries a glass of champagne in her left hand. She pads over to one of the couches and reclines back, her slight robe riding high on her thighs.
She takes a sip from her champagne and babbles into her cell phone. "My gawd! Did you see how she whimpered? Why do they even let these people in the league, right? Yeah, yeah I said I would look into that. Right, I think you'd be really awesome, too. But back to me. . . 'P-p-p-lease, Lindsay, just end it'. . . What a puss!"
Suddenly, a shadow falls over the couch and Lindsay's reclining form. Lindsay puts her phone against her shoulder and looks up, annoyed. "Uh, could you please get out of the way. Your big ass is ruining my reception." The shadow steps into frame. We see that it is Thora Birch. She is dressed simply in blue jeans and a black T-shirt with a yellow "Stanley Tool" logo on her shirt, though the word "Stanley" is replaced by "Thora." "Nice shirt," Lindsay snarks, "If you're looking in a mirror, do you remember your name backwards?"
Thora narrows her eyes and cocks her head. "Hang up the phone," she says, voice calm. "Uh, excuse me? You know you're talking to ME, right?" Lindsay responds, making an annoyed clicking sound with her tongue. She makes a big show of swinging her phone hand out and bringing the phone back to her ear. Except. . . it never makes it. Thora yanks the tiny little device out of Lindsay's hand and tosses it against the wall. Lindsay makes a face like someone farted in church. She starts to climb off the couch. "You get up and I'll just put you right back down," Thora says, hands on her hips, voice still calm. Lindsay rolls her eyes - it's like 10:30 PM at night, she doesn't want to deal with this shit right now. She settles back down on the couch and stares at Thora. "Can we, like, get on with this? What the hell do you want?"
"You. I want you. You go around here like your shit don't stink - like we're all just lucky to be in your presence. And then I saw what you did to Anne tonight. You only did it 'cause you could, because Anne couldn't defend herself. Well, I can defend myself. I can do it against anyone in this place. I can DEFINITELY do it against you. So, I want you at Lady Luck. In the ring. Somebody's gonna shut you up. And that's me," Thora says, her voice gradually rising in emotion as she went on.
Lindsay cocks her head and stares at her challenger. She suddenly blinks her eyes and shakes her head. "Oh, I'm sorry, are you done? I kinda zoned out after 'I want you,' see, 'cause I got the point." "Good. Thing is, I'm the kind of girl that likes to make things interesting. So, here's my proposal. It's not just me vs. you. It's my Thorazine vs. your Sedative. Try smothering someone out your own size," Thora says, a faint smile finally appearing on her face. At the proposal of Breast Smother vs. Breast Smother match, a crowd pop can be heard faintly through the walls.
Lindsay raises her eyebrows at the upstart. "Oh, I really don't think that's going to be a problem, babe. You think I 'humiliated' Anne?" Lindsay makes air quotes with her fingers, getting worked up now, "You've only seen the beginnings of what I can and will do to humiliate someone. I don't care about Anne. But you want to come in here, throw your tits around, try to start with me, well. . ." She pauses and looks down for a second, then looks back up, locking eyes with Thora. "I'm pretty sure your gonna wish you hadn't bothered me tonight." With a huff, Lindsay leaps off the couch and goes out the door, leaving Thora alone.
The Hammer is about to leave when she notices Lindsay's phone on the floor. She picks it up and studies it, surprised it didn't shatter. She sits down on the couch and pushes a few buttons. She stops suddenly and stares at the screen and looks back over her shoulder at the doorway Lindsay just went through. With a laugh, Thora puts the phone in her jeans pocket and finishes off Lindsay's forgotten glass of champagne.
Anne Hathaway trudges through the parking lot adjacent to the TKOW Arena. Behind a pair of thin-framed glass, her eyes are bloodshot and it is clear she didn't shower following her match with Lindsay. She is also obviously in a hurry, nearly running through the parking lot while she tries to fish her keys out of her duffel bag. She finally does but at the same time trips over her own feet sending herself, her eyeglasses, her bag and her keys flying.
"Shit" she cries. "Shit! Shit! Shit!"
She scrambles around on all fours searching the parking lot for her keys and/or her glasses. Her hand close around her keys though they won't do her much good if she can't see. She is starting to get desperate and looks on the verge of tears again when a hand emerges from the shadows and offers Anne her glasses.
Anne looks up, confused, not really able to make out her helper's face. She squints as she pulls her glasses on and blinks a few times. Once her focus returns she is able to see exactly who it is. She gasps a little and covers her hand with her mouth once she recognizes them. As Anne slowly makes her way to her feet we hear the person say "Shhhh!" Anne nods her head, still kind of stunned.
"What are you doing here?!" Anne squeals. The figure must have made a face at her because Anne repeats the question, but whispers it this time. "I can help you if you want it," the Figure whispers, not loud enough to make out any particular details of their voice. "Unless you want to get humiliated again?" Anne suddenly starts crying, softly though. "They said I would g-g-et released if I didn't g-get better. . ." she stammers. "Enough of that. I'll help you. But you have to help me, too."
Anne sniffles and wipes under her eyes with her hands. She clearly thinks about it for a few moments. She knew that she didn't want to be released. She also knew that she could do so much better in the ring, but she would surely need help. Finally, she nods her head with determination. "I'm in," she agrees, not bothering to ask what her end of the bargain was. We can here the Figure chuckle.
"Great!" they say, "Let's get out of here and we can toss some ideas around. Sound good?" Anne nods and slings her bag over her shoulder. She follows the Figure. "Say, what school did you go to?" is the last thing we hear the Figure ask before both disappear into the shadows.
HEAVENLY FURY (Jessica Alba/Ashley Scott) vs. EVA DESTRUCTION (Eva Longoria/Eva Mendes)
Fury Attire: Wear blood red one-piece swimsuits tied behind the neck, cut in a V down the middle, sides completely open. Matching knee pads and black boots. A black pair of angels' wings adorn the butt of their bottoms. Jessica's dark hair worn loose, Ashley's blonde do cut very short.
Destruction Attire: Sparkling silver one-piece swimsuits, cut in a V down to their unmentionables. High silver boots and white knee pads. Eva M. wears a silver athletic sleeve over her right elbow. Both with their hair loose.
(JOINED IN PROGRESS) Eva Destruction and Heavenly Fury may not have known each other long but they already hated each other. It wasn't just that each team thought the other team was keeping them from their rightful title shot. That was part of it - particularly for Eva Destruction, since they really should get a rematch - but also because their styles were similar. Ashley Scott and Eva Mendes handled the heavy-lifting while Eva Longoria and Jessica Alba were the change-of-pace backs, small, lightning quick and sneaky as hell. The difference was that Heavenly Fury had a daredevil streak that few teams could match. Holy crap, Ashley did a Corkscrew Senton Bomb off an 18 wheeler last week!
And right now it was Ashley taking it to Eva L. She scooped the TV star and placed her on her shoulder and carried her toward a corner. She hung Eva L. upside down in the infamous (and humiliating) Tree of Woe. Ashley went to town with stomps and kicks to Eva L.'s unprotected midsection while Eva M. yelled curses from her corner. Finally, the referee got in there and tried to push Ashley back. Ashley backed away on her own, holding her hands up. like, it ain't me man! While the referee was pushing Ashley out of the corner, Jessica dismounted from her spot in Heavenly Fury's corner and sprinted over to wear Eva L. was still suspended. She reached underneath the bottom turnbuckle and locked her fingers around Eva's head and pulled back. Eva screamed as she felt her body being pulled into letters it wasn't meant to spell. Eva's sudden screams must have alerted the referee because he turned around just as Jessica made a hasty retreat to her corner. Eva M. pounded the turnbuckle in frustration at the bullshit that was going down here.
At this point in the match the crowd didn't know who to cheer for - if there was indeed ANYONE to cheer for. Both teams had done serious physical and mental damage to both The Sisterhood and unofficial Lil' Sister, Kelli Garner. Hell, none of them had even been seen tonight, the last Savage Sirens before Lady Luck. Neve Campbell had said The Sisterhood, at least, would defend their titles, but who knew what state they were in? For now the fans were content to sit back and watch four nasty piece of work tear each other apart. It would be a lie to say it was not entertaining.
Ashley returned to the corner and untangled Eva L.'s legs from the top turnbuckle. Eva tumbled legs first to the mat and ended up landing on her face. Her long, perspiration soaked hair stuck to the mat momentarily as Ashley pulled her up to her feet. Ashley tied Eva L.'s arms behind her in a Double Chickenwing. Ashley lifted Eva L. up off the mat by the arms and held her in mid-air. Eva L. moaned in agony, pain rushing up into her shoulders and neck. Ashley, demonstrating impressive strength, walked Eva L. toward Heavenly Fury's corner and released her. Actually, threw her would be a better word. Ashley threw Eva L. face first toward Heavenly Fury's corner. There was nothing Eva could do to keep her face from smashing nose-first into the top turnbuckle. She shouted as the blow knocked her back for a moment before falling straight back to the mat.
Ashley made the tag to a more-than-willing Jessica. Jessica moved along the apron to about where Eva was laying and held onto the top rope with both hands. She pushed off with her shapely legs and hoisted herself up and over the rope, slingshotting herself straight up in the air. She came crashing back down and drove both boots into Eva's unprotected chest and mid-section.
"Awwww nooo!" Eva L. breathed as Jessica quickly hopped off her stomach.
Eva M. slapped her turnbuckle in frustration and decided she had to get involved. She started to climb through the ropes but the referee saw her coming and pushed her back. At the same time, Jessica went over to Eva L. and, holding on the top rope for balance, placed a boot on her throat and pressed down. Eva L. screamed and kicked, both of her hands pushing on Jessica's shiny black boot. Finally, the referee got Eva M. to stay in the corner and turned back. Jessica removed her foot from Eva's throat just in time. The referee assumed she did something wrong and yelled at her anyway but at this point it didn't matter.
Eva L. rolled to her side, coughing up a storm, one delicate hand pressed against her abused throat. Eva M. leaned over the top rope, practically falling into the ring, and called for her partner to make a tag. Jessica ran off the ropes and immediately went into a forward roll. As she approached Eva L. Jessica popped up to her feet in one motion and then flopped back down, splashing on Eva L.'s chest. Eva M. threw her hands up in shock and disappointment.
"Screw this," Eva thought. "I might as well go the hell home."
Jessica pulled Eva L. up off the mat and scooped her up onto her shoulder. Suddenly, though, Eva L. slid down Jessica's back. The momentum suddenly shifting, Eva L. wrapped her arms tightly around Jessica's waist and pushed her toward the ropes. Eva L., on nothing but adrenaline, rolled back, pulling Jessica along too and pinning her shoulders to the mat. Eva bridged back with all her might, trying to will her team to the title shot. The referee counted: 1. 2. Jessica was able to kick out with force and sent Eva L. sprawling toward the ropes.
Jessica threw her head back to clear her face of hair and came over to where Eva ended up. Jessica, a look of fury on her face, bent down to go after Eva L. But Eva L. had a different idea. She reached her right out and grabbed Jessica's swimsuit fabric just below the belly button and bunched it up in her right hand. With a mighty pull (as much as she could afford at the moment) she yanked Jessica over her head and between the top and middle ropes. Jessica went tumbling out of the ring, her side hitting hard on the ring apron. Eva M. stomped her foot, once again reaching out as far as she could. Eva L. started crawling over toward her corner. Getting closer, closer - suddenly Jessica was getting back to the apron, holding her side. Finally, the Evas met hands and Eva M. came charging through the ropes. She immediately ran over to where Jessica had just climbed up and clotheslined her in the head, sending her back down to the arena floor. Not wasting any time, she charged toward Ashley and threw a right hand that connected right behind left ear. Ashley also went down like a shot and she too fell down to the arena floor.
Out of habit the crowd cheered. Then they realized who they were cheering and were immediately conflicted. Eva M. went over to wear Jessica was rising on the outside and grabbed onto the middle rope. She dropped her body down and swung her legs out underneath the bottom ropes and caught Jessica square on the chin. Jessica reeled back toward the security barrier, her nearly bare back impacting with the cold metal. Eva M. followed her down to the arena floor and continued on the offense. She measured Jessica up and delivered a sharp right hand to the hand. She felt a hand on her back - she spun and was face to face with Ashley. A little grin on Ashley's face she went to throw a punch at Eva. But Eva was ready, blocking it with her left arm and firing back with a jab of her own. The sharpness of the blow stunned Ashley and allowed Eva the opportunity to seize her by the swimsuit and toss her toward the metal ring steps. The steps moved out of position as Ashley’s back crashed into them.
While Ashley moaned in pain, holding her back, Eva M. went back to Jessica, grabbed a handful of long hair and wrapped it around her left hand. Then she pulled Jessica toward her, driving a fist right into her stomach. Jessica groaned and doubled over. Eva M. seized this opportunity to roll her back into the ring. Eva was standing on the apron, about to climb back in, when she felt Ashley grab her leg. Eva M. shook free and turned around to face Ashley - but she didn't see or anticipate Jessica coming from behind!
Jessica yanked Eva back with a handful of hair and (from behind) delivered a vicious knife-head chop to her chest. Eva coughed and bent over on the apron. Ashley scooped the stunned Eva onto her shoulder on the arena floor. She got a running start and ran Eva shoulder-first into one of the corner posts.
"Ahhhh!" screamed Eva as Ashley dropped her to the floor.
The referee leaned over the ropes to admonish Ashley's efforts. Ashley did help Eva M. back to her feet and rolled her into the ring where Jessica was waiting. She ran across the ring, hurtled Eva's unmoving body, jumped up to the middle rope and flipped backwards. She crashed down on Eva's chest, folding the Latina actress up like an accordion. This time Jessica went for the cover, getting to a two count before Eva popped her shoulder up. Ashley held her hand out for the tag and Jessica happily obliged. Ashley came into the ring, her short blonde hair shining in the lights, ready to finish this. She smiled at Eva's mewling form. She couldn't wait until she could lay The Sisterhood out again. Her eyes rolled up in ecstasy just thinking about the first time. She decided she want to fight power with power and go right at Eva. She pulled the actress up off the mat and whipped her toward the ropes.
At least that was the intention - because somehow Eva M. reversed course and sent Ashley off the ropes instead. On the way back Eva reached down and scooped up Ashley and, in one fluid, motion, drove her to the mat with a power slam. Ashley bounced off the mat, her mouth wide open, hand going to her pained back. Eva M. made it to her side before she started to struggle as well. She started pulling herself toward her corner where Eva L. certainly looked replenished. They brushed fingers and Eva L. came flying into the ring. She jumped up and hit a drop kick right to Ashley's face. Jessica thought about climbing in but soon thought better of it. Ashley shook her head clear of cobwebs and made her way to her feet. She saw Eva L. pacing around the ring, looking at her. Ashley smiled and beckoned for Eva L. to come on over. Eva smiled, as well, as they came together for a collar-and-elbow tie-up in the center of the ring.
Ashley gained the advantage quickly, twisting Eva in a side head lock. Ashley bared her teeth as she cranked the pressure. She suddenly released Eva L. and left her there standing stunned. Ashley threw her arms around Eva L.'s waist and lifted up and back, dropping her over head without a release German Suplex. Eva landed hard on the back of her head and rolled through to her stomach. Ashley had moved with devastating quickness - that move had just come out of nowhere. On the apron, Jessica nodded her head in appreciation and rubbed her hands together in antici. . .pation. Ashley pulled Eva L. up off the mat and pulled her into a reverse head lock, so that Eva's face was pointing up at the lights. With her right hand, Ashley grabbed a handful of swimsuit and hoisted Eva up in a suplex position, but in reverse. Ashley pivoted and fell forward toward the center of the ring - Eva L. couldn't see the mat coming but sure felt it as she arched her back and groaned in pain.
You could say that Ashley was in a kind of zone (in fact, Jon Keeton just did on TKOW TV). She was moving again - still with that remarkable quickness - and had peeled Eva L. off the mat. She wrapped her arms around Eva's waist and lifted her up toward her shoulder. Ashley rotated Eva in mid-air and drove her down onto an outstretched knee. The Gut-wrench Back Breaker connected and Eva flopped about the mat, crying out in pain.
In just three moves, this match had gone from a very competitive bout to a damn near rout. Eva M. looked in pain in her corner - what was she supposed to do? Ashley paced around the ring, hands on her hips, evaluating Eva L.'s condition from afar. She saw that the ‘Desperate Housewives’ star was making her way toward her team's corner. Ashley went over and grabbed hold of Eva's leg and pulled her back to the center of the ring. Ashley looked at Eva M. dispassionately for just a second - and then covered her mouth with her hand, making an "Ooops, sorry!" gesture, rubbing it in.
Eva M. couldn't take it anymore. She climbed through the ropes and rushed at Ashley. The referee tried to intervene but Eva flat-out woman-handled him, shoving him out of the way. Ashley and Jessica looked bemused by the whole thing. Eva M. had just raised a fist at Ashley (something Ashley didn't seem that concerned about) when she felt a pulling on her shoulder. She turned around, eyes ablaze, her fist cocked when she saw it was the referee. The referee's eyes widened and he said, "You punch me, you're DQ'd! Now get outta here!"
Eva M. blew him off and turned back at Ashley. A black boot buried itself in Eva M.'s belly as Ashley swung around and grabbed Eva M. by the head so that the back of Eva's neck rested on her shoulder. Ashley took a running start toward a corner (pulling Eva along the whole way) and climbed up it effortlessly, pushing off the top turnbuckle and falling down to the mat. As she fell the back of Eva M.'s head was driven into Ashley's shoulder. Eva M. lay still on the mat now, eyes closed, leg twitching.
Heavenly Fury felt it now. Ashley pulled Eva L. to her feet and pulled her toward the corner. Ashley tagged Jessica in and hoisted Eva L. up in Power Bomb position. She turned her back on the corner that Jessica was quickly ascending so that Eva L. and Jessica would be face to face.
As Jessica reached her perch on the top turnbuckle she called out, "Up!"
Ashley flexed her muscles and lifted Eva even further above her head. Jessica jumped off the top rope and spun in mid-air, one of her shapely legs heading right for Eva's elevated throat. Leg met throat and Eva went spinning out of Ashley's grasp and plummeted to the mat. She fell face-first, landing with a grunt and thud, bouncing twice before laying still. The crowd gasped after the Fall from Heaven hit, not really believing what they saw. Jessica crawled over to where Eva lay face-down and rolled her over to her back. She placed a knee on her devastated throat and awaited the count. Ashley patrolled the area, ready for Eva M.'s return. It wasn't happening.
The referee counted 1-2-3 and Godsmack's "Dead and Broken" played as the two Dark Angels celebrated. They knew that somewhere out there The Sisterhood was watching. Both members knew that they had tricks that The Sisterhood could never, ever fathom. As they surveyed the carnage of the ex-tag team champions, they knew that it was just a matter of time before it was The Sisterhood laying crumpled at their feet. It was a day they long looked forward to. It was coming and there was nothing anyone - not The Sisterhood and certainly not Neve Campbell - could do about it!