SHANIA TWAIN VS MADONNA

Shania Twain (62%) Rocks Madonna (38%) This was a fight that many fans had wanted to see. Rumour was that Don King was prepared to pay serious money, and he had the backing of Pay TV to help convince the two pop stars. Several other international organizations threw their hats into the ring with a variety of exotic (and less exotic locations) and varying payment plans. But what caused the two women to actually meet in an one-on-one encounter was that they didn't like one another. This was entirely natural. Madonna was the pop icon of the last 15 years of the 20th Century, competing strongly with Bill Gates, and she had a fearsome reputation as a catfighter. But of late her star has started to fade. There had been more loses than wins and some said motherhood made her soft and that at 41 she was past it.

Shania Twain, was by contrast, on the way up, a country and western star who had bridged the divide to being a mainstream pop star across the world. As her star rose, she had had to defend herself against rivals, all of which had only enhanced her reputation. Sure she didn't have a 100% record, but then who did? Even in defeat she could not fail to impress. The mutual dislike these two felt was based upon the battle for record sales and an incident at the "North Western Europe MTV DVD & Video sales music Awards". Although all video footage was destroyed, it has been suggested that Madonna inferred that Shania was a one dimensional one song artist who ought to go back to Hicksville. Shania responded, allegedly, that Madonna was little better than a New York street walker whose only talent was the ability to spread her legs to producers, actors etc etc.

When these two were paired by Stonerage they responded with unseemly haste and a battery of lawyers. After protracted negotiations it was agreed that the fight would take place in the UK, which both women just happened to be passing through, in a nightclub with a small but intimate audience. The arena consisted of a lower dance area with a upper viewing area which would hold the audience. Access to the business area was via stairs in opposite corners with great pains taken to ensure that Madonna and Shania were kept apart on the build up.

Madonna entered first to the sound of 'Ray of Light' and wild applause. Madonna wore a white t-shirt through which her oft seen breasts were clearly visible, ripped knee length blue denim shorts, chunky black trainers and her shoulder length blonde hair untied. As soon as the sound died, Shania entered accompanied by 'Man I feel like a woman' and it rose again. The Country star wore cut off denim shorts, a predominantly white short sleeved American football shirt and a pair of white Nike trainers. Like Madonna her long brown hair was untied.

Without any further introductions the two women moved towards each other, their steps making no sound on the wooden floor. They circled briefly, both trying to hide their nervousness, before locking up in a test of strength that brought cheers from the privileged audience. They grappled seeking an advantage over the other and trying to painfully bend fingers back into unnatural positions. Just as Shania seemed about to gain an advantage, Madonna broke off with her left hand and instead used it to take hold of the Country singer's brown hair. Shania did the same with her now free hand, but Madonna pulled her in close to her and their upper bodies slapped together. Even only this brief contact made Shania realise the affect that the catfight was having on Madonna - her stiffening nipples were close to ripping a hole in her t-shirt. As Shania attempted to step back, Madonna kept advancing so that their bodies didn't break contact. Shania stepped back again in the full knowledge that there was ample room in the arena with which to play and let go of Madonna's wrist with her left hand. Madonna continued to press forward, as if intent on using her femininity to overwhelm her brunette opponent.

Shania used her free hand to grab a handful of Madonna's t-shirt just below her breasts and used this hold to try and throw the older woman to the floor. But Madonna had placed her free hand in Shania's long lustrous brown hair. As Shania twisted her body to trip Madonna over her foot, she found to her horror that she was being pulled down with the Material Girl. As they toppled to the floor, seemingly in stages, the audience shouted its approval.

The two superstars of the music industry landed on their sides facing one another. Madonna's head was painfully introduced to the floor and she was momentarily stunned. Shania's head was cushioned by Madonna's left hand which had been entwined in her hair, but was hastily withdrawn after being playing its role of a shock absorber. Shania reacted the quicker of the two by starting to lash out with her feet, managing to catch Madonna painfully just above her right ankle with the tow of her branded trainer. The multiple shocks of pain worked there way to Madonna's brain and brought her back to the fight in time for her to realise that Shania had sunk her hands into her blonde hair. Madonna squealed with a mixture of pain and surprise and retaliated by using her right hand to grip the fringe of Shania's hair.

Now it was Shania's turn to vocally express pain, "Blonde slut!" she hissed through clenched teeth.

"Country whore!" snarled the Material Girl, the feeling in her other hand slowly returning. Both women started to kick out with their feet, although neither did any real damage.

Madonna wriggled her left hand free and brought it down on Shania's lower right arm so that her elbow banged very painfully into the floor. Shania's tirade was lost in the noise of the audience and she instinctively withdrew her arm. Madonna was not to slow to follow up on her advantage and swung her leg over Shania and half dragged the country singer, half pushed herself so that she was astride her opponents waist. Shania struggled to break free and get up, but Madonna mercilessly pushed her head, cheek first, down into the floor, whilst using her other hand to pull on long brown hair.

"Come on Shania, squeal like a piggy you bitch!" hissed Madonna.

Shania's initial panicked, but wasted thrashings were soon replaced by more purposeful attacks. She used her own right hand to reach up and take hold of Madonna's hair, whilst using her other hand to free her head. Madonna grunted with the strain of trying to keep her head in place against Shania's hair hold, and in doing so lost several strands of hair which revealed its true colour.

"Didn't know that you were that old you had to use Grecian 2000 you old skank. Get out of the way and make room for some new blood!" shouted the country star with more confidence than her position suggested.

Madonna's response was to move her hand from Shania's cheek and instead start pulling on her sports top. As Shania twisted her head back to look at her opponent she reached out with her now free hand and clamped it over Madonna's left nipple which seemed about to burst through the tight sweat darkening material of the t-shirt. The t-shirt itself provided absolutely no protection and Madonna's initial reaction was to gasp. But as Shania's fingers sunk into tender breast flesh she let out a scream of pain which raised the noise level of the small crowd - this was what they had come to watch. Madonna pulled harder on Shania's long hair, and several strands did come away, but this pain did not deter the Canadian woman. What did stop Shania's breast attack was the poor quality control that had gone into her sports top. It had been mass produced in some obscure Asian sweat shop and was not designed to take the pulling of a real sports top. Madonna had used her hold to pull Miss Twain's head up from the floor and started to shake it back and forth. The top gave way with a loud rip along a seam that caused it to peel away like a sardine tin, and Shania's head fell to the floor momentarily stunning her, like a racoon hit on the head with a pine cone. Shania's hands fell away from Madonna and as she lay beneath her older opponent, now showing of the upper left quarter of her chest bringing a grey sports bra into view.

Madonna stopped attacking Shania whilst she rubbed her aching breast. The crowd were hushed as Madonna reached down with one hand and took Shania roughly by the hair. Having adjusted the recovering Canadians head just, she brought her other hand down in a fierce open handed slap. The first Shania knew about this blow was when she opened her mouth to scream in pain. Madonna smiled complacently, looking up at the audience, sure in her own mind that she was climbing back up the greasy ladder. But whilst looking up she failed to notice a still groggy Shania drive the palm of her hand into the crotch of her denim shorts. Ordinarily this would probably have had next to no impact, but Madonna was wearing one of the skimpiest pair panties she possessed, and these offered no protecting as the heavy duty zip of the shorts was driven into her sensitive womanhood. As much as this pained Shania, breaking the skin on her palm, it caused far more pain to Madonna. The blonde leapt involuntarily leapt up like a ray of light and collapsed on the floor along side Shania, their legs now entangled. There was a moments pause, which allowed the audience to draw breath, before the Canadian twisted her body so that she was looking at her opponent.

Shania reached out with both hands and took hold of Madonna's hair with one, to hold her in place and clamped the other over the so far untouched breast. This new sensation of pain brought Madonna back to life and she lashed out with her own hands, initially trying to defend herself, but then moving to attack the country star. As Shania's long brown hair was pretty much out of reach Madonna clamped one hand round her throat and started to squeeze. Shania let go of Madonna's breast so that she could break the strangle hold, which allowed the older woman to use her other hand to grab the visible strap of Shania's bra and start pulling. The Canadian woman yelped with pain as the material bit into her back and, more painfully, into her breast.

Shania managed to pull Madonna's hand away from her throat before she suffered excessively from the hold, other than some nasty red marks. As the struggle seemed about to sink into stalemate both music superstars started to kick out. Their trainers were designed for grip rather than inflicting pain like other footwear, but they did bring out ugly looking bruises which added to each woman's discomfort. Madonna released her hold on Shania's bra which snapped painfully back against the skin. Before Madonna could resume the attack, Shania released her hold on the older woman and rolled away from her opponent. This manoeuvre took Madonna by surprise as well as disappointed her as she relished down and dirty close in catfighting. Before the crowd could register is displeasure at the break in the action, Madonna was scrambling after her Canadian opponent, despite the continuing after affects of the attack on her crotch.

Shania thought she was clear of her opponent and was just getting up onto her knees when the blonde Material Girl collided with her. The two musical superstars collapsed to the floor as a sweaty snarling mass of limbs, with Madonna on top. To emphasise her new superiority Madonna pressed down on Shania's chest with her breasts trying to dominate the fight. But Shania was having none of this, she placed one hand under Madonna's chin and started to push upwards her head causing a grimace to cross the blondes face. As she was pushed upwards, Madonna responded by taking hold of Shania's hair with one hand whilst the other tried to expand the rip in the Canadian's sports top. Miss Twain was not idle in the face of these attacks and moved her free hand round Madonna's neck, feigning to pull her blonde hair, but actually taking a handful of the sweaty t shirt. Shania used this hold to pull Madonna to her left, ripping the t-shirt in the process, and roll with her so that their positions were reversed, much to the excitement of the audience.

Although this move surprised Madonna, she had been in enough fights not to panic, just yet. She continued with her attacks on Shania whilst attempting to throw the Country music star off. Madonna had also managed to rip open more of Shania's top so that both of her bra encased breasts were attackable now. Shania placed both her hands in Madonna's blonde hair and started to shake her head from side to side. Simultaneously, she started to press down with her crotch hoping that the blonde was still sore from the previous attack. Madonna, still with one hand in her opponents hair, managed to move aside Shania's bra enough for a perky looking breast to pop out. The Material Girl needed no second invitation and took a cruel hold of the tender flesh. Shania screamed with pain and arched her back as Madonna's fingers dug in. Shania let go of Madonna's blonde hair with her right hand, and balling it into a fist started to punch her opponent on the side of the head. Madonna grunted with pain and fought to hold onto Shania's breast as she was battered about the ear and cheek. But after the fourth blow she broke off her breasts mauling and grabbed Shania's fist. The two singers grappled for a couple of minutes, unable to make any headway.

As if by mutual consent Shania rolled away from Madonna, who having taken a bit of a bettering let her go. But as the American megastar got slowly to her knees, she saw that Shania hadn't gone very far at all. Shania had discarded what was left of her sports top, a sight which brought a roar of approval from the crowd, and popped her breast back into the bra.

"Can't handle fighting a real woman" sneered Madonna. Shania's response was to advance towards her opponent her hands outstretched. Madonna, who was still trying to shake the cobwebs from her brain, managed to adopt a similar pose just as the Country singer was upon her.

Two sets of hands lashed out trying to gain a hold that could be exploited. Shania caught hold of Madonna's left shoulder and pulled her towards her and onto a fist, which caught the blonde in the stomach. The Material Girl grunted with pain and slumped forward, wrapping her arms round her opponents neck. Shania reached up to the neck of Madonna's top with both hands, and having taken hold of the damp material, pulled hard. The t-shirt gave way revealing the oft seen breasts with an audible rip, which although lost on the audience, they did see the results and cheered. Madonna realised what had happened and used one hand to pull on Shania's long hair, just to remind the Canadian that the fight was not over. She used her spare hand to start fumbling with the clip that held Shania's bra in place. Shania snaked one hand upwards and took hold of Madonna's dank blonde hair, pulling her head backwards, whilst simultaneously raining blows into her midriff.

Madonna was hurting badly from the blows, so mush so that it distracted her from trying to unhook the country star's bra. With a growing sense of desperation and foreboding, Madonna tried to head butt her opponent. But Shania's hold on her hair ensured that Madonna's head only made contact with her left shoulder. Madonna gave up trying to remove Shania's bra and instead moved her hand down her back, dragging her hails painfully as she did so. Shania yelped with pain at the discomfort and stopped using Madonna's stomach as a punchbag to instead grab hold of the Material Girls left breast. She now repaid her older opponent for the pain that had been inflicted earlier as she twisted, pinched and squeezed the firm but delicate flesh. Madonna howled with pain and sunk her teeth into Shania's shoulder, which at least brought her the satisfaction of hearing the Canadian shriek. Shania arched her back in pain and with Madonna leaning on her fell onto her back. In doing so she not only let go of Madonna's breast but also landed on the hand that had been clawing her back. No sooner had one source of pain gone than another, albeit lesser one, assailed Madonna's senses, whilst the noise of the crowd seemed almost deafening.

Shania recovered quickly, taking hold of her opponent's hair with both hands, pulling her head up and away from her shoulder in the process. Madonna took hold of Shania's hair with her own free hand whilst desperately trying to free her numbed hand from under the brunette. Whilst Madonna concentrated on freeing her hand, Shania clamped a hand round her opponents throat and started to squeeze.

Madonna freed her hand, but it was too numb to do anything but take a weak hold of Shania's hair, whilst she had to use her good hand to protect herself. Shania managed to roll them over so that she was now on top and started to press down on Madonna's breasts with her own, still protected by the bra. It started to be all to much for Madonna and not even her pride could give her strength to go on. Slowly but surely the lack of oxygen ensured that her struggles got weaker and weaker. But Shania didn't let go until she was certain that Madonna's hands lying on the floor really did not pose a threat before she stood up over her now unconscious opponent. The small crowd roared its approval at the victory, and nearly raised the roof when the Canadian placed her foot between Madonna's sweaty breasts. The crowd wanted more and Shania gave it to them: she slipped off her trainers, before removing her denim shorts and sports underwear, revealing her brown minge. She then lowered herself on the face of the now only groggy Madonna. When she came to Madonna knew from the dampness on her face what had happened, but was grateful that she had no memory of the event.

Shania Twain has arrived

Madonna takes a good ol' country ass whippin'

BACK TO THE CELEBRITIES
TO SHANIA TWAIN

TO MADONNA