JENNY McCARTHY VS JENNIFER LOPEZ
VS
Jenny McCarthy (52%) squashs Jennifer Lopez (48%)
Stone Rage stared at the somber faces across the desk from him. He had a suspicion why three members of his 'Fab Four' had requested this meeting, but he wanted to hear it from them. "Ladies, what can I do for you?"
There was a momentary pause, then Halle Berry took the initiative. "It's about J.Lo. We're worried about her. The losing streak she's been on has been hitting her pretty hard."
"How so?"
"She's been very quiet lately, not at all her usual aggressive self. And several times I've found tapes of her old matches in the VCR, from when she was winning. It's like she's studying them, trying to figure out what she was doing then that she isn't doing now. And in her last few matches it's been getting worse. She's been timid, trying not to make mistakes, so she never really goes on the offensive. If she goes on like this, I'm afraid she's going to really get hurt."
"Yeah!" Pam blurted. "Even when we set up that match with Jessica Simpson to, like, build her confidence, she wound up getting totally knocked out instead!"^ Tia and Halle shot her dirty looks. "Well, she did," Pam mumbled.
Stone Rage interrupted before the meeting could move off track. "I'm aware of what you're talking about, and I have to confess I've had some of the same concerns. The question is, what do you suggest we do about it? Suspending her from competition would surely confirm her worst fears, and might do more harm than good."
"Well, I've been thinking about that," Halle replied. "Maybe we could..." She was interrupted by the office door bursting open as Jennifer herself strode into the room.
J.Lo surveyed the scene for a moment, then half smiled. "Hi everybody. I guess someone forgot to tell me we were meeting with the boss."
The other members of the Fab Four glanced uncomfortably away from her gaze, but Stone Rage met her eyes. "That's not quite the case, as I'm sure you're aware," he replied evenly. "However, it might be for the best that you're here. Let's get this out into the open."
J'Lo's expression broadened into a true smile. "Good. Let's do that." The other Fab Four members glanced at each other incredulously. She hardly seemed like the same woman who had been moping around their locker room for these past weeks.
"Fine. Your teammates feel that your recent losing streak has damaged your self-confidence, and they're afraid that you might be hurt if this continues. And, frankly, I agree with them. Since you've chosen to interject yourself into this meeting, I'd like to hear what you have to say about this."
Jennifer swallowed hard and glanced away, but only for a moment, and then looked back with a serious expression. "You're... right. The beating I took from Britney Spears* a few months back really shook me up, and once I started losing matches it just got worse and worse. My last couple of matches have felt like I was just waiting to see what would happen to me this time. I can't describe for you how horrible that's been. How worthless, how helpless, that made me feel."
"But you don't seem to feel that way now," Stone Rage prompted.
Jennifer's face lit up. "Exactly! I was watching one of my old tapes the other day, and I realized what was wrong. I can't try to come back by coasting, taking easy opponents just so I can say I won. It won't work. I've always been at my best when my fights have been the toughest. I've been in the gym, and I'm ready. I need a real fight. The tougher, the better. On my own."
The Fab Four members stared in shock. Given J.Lo's recent performances, a match against a top foe would be virtual suicide. Tia began "Uh, Jennifer, do you think that's the best idea..." but Jennifer cut her short.
"Yes! It's the only idea. I need this."
Stone Rage looked her over for a moment, then quietly said "Thank you, ladies, that will be all for now. I need to speak with Jennifer alone for a few minutes." The trio erupted into a hubbub, but he curtly told them "I meant what I said. Now please leave my office!" Reluctantly, the other members of the Fab Four filed out.
When they were alone, Stone Rage studied J.Lo carefully. "Now, don't lie to me. This is important. How sure are you about this?"
"It's what I need to do."
"Very well. I have a contract here that's exactly what you're asking for. I'm still not sure it's the right thing to do, but I'm going to trust your instincts on this. Sign here, and you'll be fighting Jenny McCarthy at the next show. On your own, as you asked."
Jennifer nodded slowly, then smiled at Stone Rage as she signed the document. Wordlessly, she turned and left.
Stone Rage stared at the closed door for a moment after she'd gone. "Good luck, Jennifer. I'm afraid you'll need it."
The ABA were delighted when they were informed of the match. Jenny bragged to Downtown Julie Brown "That little bitch couldn't stop me when she was in her prime! The way she's been wrestling lately, this will be a slaughter. I'm really going to enjoy breaking her spirit right in the middle of the ring. When it's over she'll be afraid to ever even get NEAR the ABA again!"
The announcement also caught Generation Prime by surprise. Christina Aguilera and her partners had been enjoying watching Jennifer go down to defeat after defeat with the help of their voodoo doll, but she had also just taken a brutal beating at the hands of the ABA's Christina Applegate. "Let's let J.Lo have the night off from the curse. If she does manage to win, it'll just give her some hope for us to crush again."
The night of the match, Jennifer kept to herself. She had trained furiously for it, and rested well the night before. Now she was almost in a trance, preparing her will in much the same way as she had prepared her body. "Leave her alone," Tia told the others in a hushed tone. "She's finding her focus the best way she knows how. We'll be here if anything goes wrong."
"You will, at least," Halle replied. "StoneRage doesn't want me distracted from my match with Alicia. He's asked me to stay in the dressing room with the monitor turned off, so I can concentrate on my own match."
"That's OK," Pam said. "Tia and I will be watching, so we can be there in like two seconds if we need to. We've totally got her back."
Halle nodded. "I know. And he's right. I'll be able to concentrate better if I'm not worrying about Jennifer's match. I'm going to need it for Alicia. We don't need to give her any advantages, she's plenty tough enough without that."
Before the conversation could go any further, the signal came for Jennifer's entrance. In the distance her theme music began to play. Her head rose, and suddenly she was more together than she'd been in months. She winked at her partners, who were staring with mouths open. "Well, girls, wish me luck. It's showtime!"
Jennifer moved down the ramp with a spring in her step, waving and blowing kisses to her fans. For the first time in too long she was really glad to be heading to the ring. She wore the sleek one-piece jumpsuit made famous in her video MY LOVE DON'T COST A THING, unzipped to the navel to reveal a matching white string bikini top. Her hair was pulled back into two pigtails, again similar to the video, and white wrestling boots completed the ensemble.
Once in the ring, she loosened up with a series of stretches as sensual as they were effective, eliciting another round of cheers from the crowd.
The cheers abruptly turned to boos as the ABA theme began blaring from the speakers. Jenny McCarthy strode purposefully down the aisle, eyes locked on her opponent and a broad smile on her face. The lavender robe she wore covered her from neck to toe.
Once in the ring she peeled it back, revealing a darker purple bra and panties set that left little of her superb body to the imagination. She dropped the robe entirely and struck a pose, showing off for the crowd and her adversary. It didn't have the desired effect, however, as J.Lo wiggled her index finger in a 'whoop te do' motion and then beckoned for Jenny to bring it on.
Referee Ali Landry gestured for the bell, then waved the two fighters together. She wasn't Stone Rage's first choice for this match, but with Julie Strain and Angelina Jolie already booked, he had little choice. He didn't doubt that she'd call the match fairly, but she was less aggressive than some other officials, which had sometimes let her matches get out of control.
The two women met in the middle of the ring, immediately locking into a collar-and-elbow hold. J.Lo slipped out and behind her foe, then grabbed Jenny's ankles, taking her down. She quickly moved around, grabbing Jenny in a front headlock. Jenny muscled her way back to her feet, and managed to reverse the headlock into an arm wrench. She followed it up by kicking Jennifer in the belly, then caught her in a headlock of her own.
Jennifer quickly retaliated by tossing her into the ropes, but Jenny returned with a shoulder block that put the Latin beauty on the canvas. She instantly followed it up with an elbow smash, then covered her foe for a two count.
When Jennifer kicked out, Jenny yanked her back to her feet, softened her with a punch, then tossed her into the far rope. J.Lo managed to duck under a vicious clothesline, then dove directly onto her foe as she returned across the ring. Instantly she was back on the attack, pelting Jenny with a series of rights and lefts to the head.
The brunette rose and pressed her advantage by stomping several times on Jenny's unprotected belly, then doing the same to her head when the blond tried to curl up. Quickly kicking her to her back, J.Lo managed a two count of her own before her foe was able to lift a shoulder from the mat.
Jennifer sprang back to her feet for another series of stomps, but Jenny managed to kick her feet out from under her, tumbling the brunette throat-first into the ropes.
With her foe momentarily hurt, the visibly angry blond grabbed a brown pigtail and slung her into the corner. She launched herself right behind, driving a shoulder hard three times into her opponent's stomach and forcing most of the air out of her lungs. Gasping, J.Lo crumbled to her knees much the worse for wear.
Jenny wasn't about to let her recover. She quickly threw the pretty singer across the ring to the opposite corner, then launched herself once more toward her. This time, however, Jennifer anticipated the move and swung herself up, just in time for Jenny to crash headlong into the ring post. As the blond staggered back, J'Lo took advantage of the situation and used a victory roll to again pin her foe near the middle of the ring.
Jenny's kickout was forceful enough to launch the singer through the ropes to the concrete floor below. Both were a little slow to rise, but the blond still made it out of the ring before her opponent had fully recovered. She speared the staggering brunette, then rolled the dazed girl back into the ring.
Jenny mounted the apron outside the ropes, then flipped herself over them, bringing her leg down brutally across the downed girl's chest. Ali was slightly out of position, but still came very close to counting three before Jennifer was able to kick out. Annoyed, Jenny gave her a dirty look, then wrenched J'Lo's neck and slammed her head to the mat twice. She pulled her to her feet, then yanked her into a clothesline and covered her again. Once more Jennifer managed to kick out at two, earning Ali another glare.
As the brunette tried to struggle to her feet, her blond foe grabbed a handful of hair and slung her down in the middle of the ring. Before she could rise, J'Lo was trapped in a full nelson. Using her formidable strength, Jenny quickly wrenched the hold back, effectively turning it into a camel clutch. Jennifer gasped with pain as the hold ground down on her lower back. The brave singer tried to pull her tormentor to the ropes and escape the hold, but she didn't seem to have the leverage.
Watching the match on a monitor from a second dressing room, Tia and Pam exchanged a worried look. As limber as Jennifer was, damage to her back would still surely limit her mobility for the rest of the match. A weakness like that might be all that Jenny would need to win.
Jenny continued to work the hold, yanking this way and that to weaken Jennifer's back. This proved to be a mistake, because it finally allowed the weakened girl to get her knees beneath her, removing the pressure from her back.
Before Jenny could react, J.Lo rolled through the hold, unexpectedly pinning Jenny for a two count. The blond kicked out, but before she could get up Jennifer grabbed her into a backslide, again garnering a two count.
A furious Jenny popped to her feet and fired off a quick shot to the brunette's jaw. She whipped Jennifer toward the ropes, but on the return J.Lo caught her with a sunset flip, coming very close to getting a three count.
Luck was with Jenny rather than Jennifer. When Jenny kicked out, the brunette crashed into the ropes and once more found herself struggling for breath. Jenny took advantage of this to slam her head to the mat, then pulled her back to her feet. Setting herself, Jenny quickly hit her wounded foe with a series of three suplexes. J'Lo was dazed, but still kicked out after only a one count.
Jenny gave her another kick, then began choking her over the ropes. Ali immediately warned her, then started a count. The blond broke at four, but immediately reapplied the hold. This was repeated several times before Ali finally said "Break that choke and keep it off! I mean it!"
Jenny lifted her hands in mock obedience. "Anything you say, boss!" She smiled brightly at the beleaguered official, then kicked her gasping foe out of the ring. Quickly following, she pulled Jennifer to her feet and then whipped her into the ring steps with a crash.
Jenny threw the brunette back into the ring, then headed back in herself. J.Lo had made it to her knees and tried to ward off the blond with a couple of weak punches, but Jenny quickly hammered her back to the mat.
Hurt but still game, Jennifer again struggled to her hands and knees. Jenny grinned, obviously enjoying her dominance. With a handful of brunette hair, she pulled her foe back to her feet. "Aren't you glad you asked for this match? I know I am!"
Once more the weakened Jennifer was tossed into the ropes, but something inside her refused to give up. She used them to springboard off into a flying clothesline that flattened her blond opponent. She followed with a quick roll-up. The surprised Jenny barely kicked out of in time.
Both beauties returned to their feet, but J.Lo had obviously gotten her second wind. Jenny swung wildly but very wide, and was rewarded with three stinging shots to her own jaw instead. The powerful blond threw a huge clothesline, but Jennifer easily ducked under it and answered with a crescent kick that buckled the tough girl's knees and dropped her to the mat.
Jennifer hooked the leg, but again Ali was slightly out of position, and Jenny kicked out a fraction of a second before the match ending three count.
Pam and Tia were watching the monitor with dawning hope. A few days ago, they would have never imagined that their friend still had the fortitude to make a comeback like this against a fighter of the caliber of Jenny McCarthy. Against all odds, the gamble she had taken was paying off. The woman in the ring now was unquestionably the J'Lo of old.
Jennifer pushed the stunned blond into the corner, then landed a series of knife-edge chops. The crowd delightedly counted to 'ten', then J.Lo tossed her foe to the far corner. Jenny raised an elbow as the brunette ran in, but Jennifer managed to duck under it, smashing hard into the blonde's midsection.
With her opponent reeling, Jennifer used the moment to lift her onto the top turnbuckle. As Jenny shook her head in an attempt to clear it, J.Lo leapt up, catching her in a textbook-perfect hurricanrana. The blond landed hard in the ring, clearly dazed and disoriented.
Jennifer quickly climbed back to the top rope, positioning herself for a shooting star press. Delighted by the roar of approval from the crowd, she took a quick moment to shake her hips and blow a kiss to the crowd, then launched out...
...directly onto Jenny's upraised knees. There was a collective "oooohhh" from the crowd as they realized that their favorite's single moment of grandstanding had backfired badly. Jenny was still a little slow to rise, but J'Lo seemed to have been knocked all but unconscious from the impact. She was still curled up, holding her midsection, gasping for air as the angry blond strode over to her.
Jenny kicked her weakened foe to her back, then jumped up and stomped hard with both feet onto her vulnerable gut. The gurgling, gasping sound that resulted was horrible to hear as the blond dropped for a casual cover. Jennifer couldn't even manage a kick as Ali moved in for the count.
It should have been over, but just as the referee's hand was moving toward the mat a third time, Jenny pulled the brunette's shoulders back up. "Aw, she kicked out!" The crowd roared angrily, which brought a smile to Jenny's face.
Pamela and Tia were heartbroken at this turn of events. They knew that a serious beating after coming so close to victory would be crushing to their friend's self esteem. "Damn, I really thought she was going to do it," Tia said.
"She came totally close, that's good, right?" Pam asked.
"I hope it's good enough. But now we need to get down to ringside before she's seriously hurt. We... aaaaaaaarrrrrgghhhh!"
Tia dropped to her hands and knees, all but out of it from the shock she had just taken. Pam turned around in a crouch, ready to fight, and was shocked to see Jeri Ryan and Nikki Cox, both grinning.
"Sorry, but I don't think that's going to be happening," Nikki said, nodding toward the taser she held.
"We've decided it would be more fun to see how J'Lo does all by herself," Jeri added, "so you two have got to go."
Tia was struggling back to her feet, but she was obviously in no shape for a battle. Pamela moved in front of her, trying to buy her time to recover. "Sure, that's easy to say with that doohickey in your hand. Why don't we fight without it?"
Jeri opened her arms wide, hands open. "I don't have one, bimbo. Bring it on." She advanced toward Pam, who eyed her cautiously.
"Pam.... Watch out...." Tia managed, but it was too late. The instant the blond had glanced away, Nikki shoved the taser into her side. She held it there several seconds, much longer than she had with Tia, until Pam's eyes rolled back and she went limp, crumpling to the floor at Jeri's feet.
"God, she IS stupid!" Jeri laughed.
Tia took that moment to dive forward, hoping to make it past them and get help, but slowed as she was by the first shock she was easy prey for Nikki. The redhead again held the taser against her victim for several seconds, causing Tia to convulse a few times before dropping slackly beside her partner.
"Good, now for the easiest part," Jeri said, as she pulled out several sets of handcuffs from a gym bag she'd left near the door.
Back in the ring, Jenny dragged the almost limp brunette back to her feet then threw her into the ropes. As she rebounded back, she was caught flush in the jaw with a superkick that left her lying flat on her back. The blond knelt by her victim, covering her with a single hand between the breasts. This time she grabbed the bikini top and used it to yank Jennifer's upper body off the mat just before the third slap to the canvas.
The crowd was in a near frenzy, as cups and debris started flying toward the ring. Jenny just laughed, saying "Not quite yet, people."
Pulling her to a sitting position by the grip on her bikini, Jenny began methodically slapping J'Lo in the face, back and forth, again and again. It was a humiliating display of dominance against the proud fighter, although it did help the brunette beauty to snap out of her stupor a bit.
Jenny released her grip and Jennifer dropped. The blond circled the ring, taunting the crowd and pointing to her fallen opponent, even as the brown-haired beauty slowly rolled over and began struggling to rise once again, refusing to surrender. "I told everyone how this match was going to end! Don't be surprised now that it's happening!"
With that, Jenny unhooked her bra and slipped it off, revealing her beautiful breasts. She tossed the bra to the crowd to a small smattering of applause, but a much larger chorus of boos. "Time to finish that bitch for good!"
Jenny returned her attention to her opponent, and was flabbergasted to discover that Jennifer had managed to make it back to her feet. Amazingly, the brunette lifted her fists, then wordlessly beckoned with one hand for the blond to get back to the fight.
Jenny shrugged. "It's your funeral."
The two began to circle, but despite her gesture of bravado it was obvious that J'Lo was nearly out on her feet. She was breathing heavily, perhaps not able to get enough air through her battered throat.
Jennifer was the first to swing, but Jenny easily avoided the shot and caught her with a snapping left jab that backed her up a step. The brunette instinctively threw another punch, but it was again wide of the target and left her open for a brutal blow to the solar plexus.
Almost in slow motion, her body collapsed. Her arms dropped and her legs buckled, leaving her on her knees and gasping before her blond adversary.
"That's all, folks," Jenny said, then shoved the kneeling girl's head into her cleavage, locking on her deadly breast smother.
J.Lo tried to fight her way out, but she was far past the point where she had a chance of escaping the debilitating hold. Her hands flailed briefly against Jenny's sides and ass, but her resistance soon faded. In less than a minute her arms fell back to her sides as her body went slack.
As Jenny felt the girl going limp in her grip, she dropped forward, maintaining the smother but also pinning her opponent. Ali dove down to count the pin, but before she could start Jenny ordered her to administer a ten count. Realizing that it was quicker to obey than argue, Ali did exactly that, loudly and clearly announcing each number as she struck the mat ten times beside Jennifer's unmoving shoulders.
Jenny rose with a haughty smile, standing triumphant over J.Lo's beaten form. As Ali somewhat reluctantly raised her hand, the blond spotted Nikki and Jeri making their way to ringside. "Ah! Ladies! I take it you have something for me?"
"You know it," Jeri replied, waving the gym bag.
"Excellent!"
Ali watched this exchange with a furrowed brow. "Look, Jenny, the match is over..." she began
"Which means it's time for you to shut up!" Jenny interrupted her. "You've been a good girl so far tonight, so why don't you just do yourself a favor and leave now? You'll be glad you did, I promise you that." She glanced for emphasis at the fellow ABA members who had by now climbed into the ring.
"I can still reverse the decision of this match, you know," Ali retorted.
"Oh, THAT was the wrong thing to say. I withdraw my generous offer," Jenny answered.
Before Ali could reply, Jeri slammed a double fist hard into the back of her head. As she staggered, Nikki caught her with an elbow to the temple that brought her to her knees.
"Perfect," Jenny purred, then shoved the sexy brunette's head into her cleavage. Ali thrashed frantically, but the ABA witches held her arms while Jenny kept her tightly in the smother. Inevitably the ref's resistance faded, and finally she went slack into her torturer's grips. Jenny held her for several more seconds to ensure that she really was out, then all three girls released her and she fell in a heap at their feet.
With that accomplished, Jenny turned her attention back to J'Lo. The brunette still hadn't moved from where Jenny had left her lying. She kicked the Latin beauty over, leaving her facedown in the middle of the ring. The ABA trio quickly pulled off her boots then stripped off her jumpsuit as well, leaving her in only the string bikini top and a tiny thong.
"Thank you, girls," Jenny said, addressing her ABA teammates. "But I'd like to take it from here, if you don't mind."
"No problem, Jen," Jeri replied. "We know the plan. But we will clean up after ourselves."
Nikki laughed and nodded, grabbing a handful of Ali Landry's hair. She held the limp ref up so Jeri could sling her over her shoulder. "Have fun" the redhead called as the two carried their victim away.
In the ring, Jennifer's hands and feet moved a bit, and a low moan escaped her lips as she finally began to show signs of life. Jenny quickly reached into the gym bag her companions had left behind, pulling out first a microphone and then a large dildo. "Ready for some fun?" she asked the crowd, eliciting a new round of boos. "Good...."
J.Lo had groggily managed to pull herself to her hands and knees, but Jenny ran up and slammed a knee hard to the back of her head that again flattened her. Kneeling by the dazed beauty, the blond roughly pulled the thong off, exposing her famous rear. She then knotted Jennifer's legs into an X and dropped her weight onto them, effectively trapping the brunette in place.
Without preamble, she shoved the dildo deep into the helpless girl's ass.
Jennifer screamed, an agonized sound that was equal parts torment and the shock of being publicly violated. As the pain brought her out of her stupor she began to flail and squirm, but her strength was gone and with her legs pinned there was little the brunette could do. She was at Jenny's mercy.
Jenny held the mike near her victim's head, amplifying the girl's cries. Jennifer managed to choke off the screams, but couldn't stop her gasps and moans. The shameful sounds were amplified throughout the arena. After a moment, the blond brought the mike back to her own lips.
"OK, this is how it's going to go. Jennifer here can end this anytime she wants. All she has to do is admit that she's a weak-ass piece of trash who had no business being in the ring with me or any other member of the ABA."
"NO!" Jennifer shouted, shaking her head vigorously.
Jenny continued without pausing, as if she hadn't heard. "It's not like there's a question. She just needs to admit it to herself."
"No!" Jennifer cried again, redoubling her ineffectual squirming.
"Time for a reality check, bitch!" Jenny grabbed a handful of hair, using it to twist the brunette's head to face the huge screen above the entrance ramp.
J.Lo froze. The truth of how she looked at that moment hit her in an instant. She saw herself lying crushed beneath her foe. She was stripped, trapped, gasping and unable to prevent herself from being fucked in the ass. "No..." she whispered, but the sound was denial now rather than defiance. She had no dignity left to defend.
Again the cruel blond shoved the microphone into J.Lo's face. "Now, let's get this over with. Give it up."
Jennifer was quiet for long seconds, but when she spoke her voice was strangely calm. "Everything you said was right. You are the better woman. I surrender."
The crowd was stunned into silence for a moment, then erupted into hysteria. Their displeasure before was like nothing compared to the pandemonium now on display.
Even Jenny was shocked at the sudden submission, but she quickly recovered. "See? That's all there was to it." She yanked the dildo out and tossed it from the ring. "Now get out of here and don't bother me anymore. I have things to do." She rose, releasing J.Lo's legs, but the conquered brunette just lay submissively at her feet.
Jenny tossed the mike down and beat a hasty retreat from the ring. Even her ABA cohorts couldn't do her any good if the crowd began to riot, and from the sounds they were making that was a real possibility!
Jennifer lay in the ring for another minute, then slowly crawled to the apron and out of the ring. She had given ringside fans an excellent view of her exposed crotch, but she just didn't care anymore. She found her jumpsuit discarded at ringside, considered a moment, then pulled it back on. There was no point in calling any more attention to herself. Then she began the longest walk of her life, back to the locker room.
-"Jebediah Morningside"
^ Curse of Aguilera Strikes
* Britney vs J.Lo 2
BACK TO THE CELEBRITIES
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TO JENNY McCARTHY
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