World Tagteam Titles: Champions Jenny McCarthy-Pam Anderson vs. Katherine Heigl-Jessica Biel by CanadianLou

Katherine Heigl walked confidently into the locker room just minutes after she’d interfered in the Bledel-McAdams match and aided in the complete humiliation of Rachel McAdams. In her previous torture sessions, Kath capped off her maniacal attacks with a facesit or something comparable simply because in her mind there was no better aphrodisiac than Rachel suffering. But now, with the tag team title match just moments away, she worried satisfying her primal lust might weaken her effectiveness in the upcoming contest.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” She turned to see her tag partner Jessica stretching in the corner.

“I beg your pardon?”

“You’ll be begging for more than my pardon if you keep your shit up.”

“And just what exactly does THAT mean?” Kath harrumphed.

“It means you’re wasting time and energy on something other than OUR match. I don’t like you and you don’t like me, but I’m not going to walk out there and lose…I never lose. Ever! So forget that little ‘what’s ‘er name’, get your mind on the task at hand and get yourself ready to fight!”

Kath was furious. No one ever talked to her like that - and her imposing physique usually guaranteed if anyone did they’d be in serious physical pain afterward. “Listen bitch, I’m focused enough for the both of us. We’re fighting two washed-up old hags. Do you really think they stand any chance?” Jessica’s eyes never left her own reflection in the mirror as she continued stretching. “Well…you going to answer or keep staring at your own reflection?” Kath grumbled.

Jessica put her foot on the floor and turned to face Heigl. “Pam and Jenny have been unbeaten for eight fuckin’ years. EIGHT! Oh sure, they SEEM washed up, but no one’s beaten ‘em. I want to beat them so badly that I am willing to do whatever it takes. I want them to remember that it was me who crushed those two sagging cunts into oblivion. Then, after I strip them of their belts, I am going to strip them of their pride. I want them to beg and cry and then I want them to realize that there is no place in this world for failed actresses and failed fighters. Then, once I get my satisfaction, I am going to walk through the curtain, find Lou and demand my world title shot. So either get your goddam act together - or sit back here and finger yourself into oblivion.”

Kath Heigl wanted to run across the room and rip Jessica’s head off; to chokeslam her through the damn floor. On the other hand, she also wanted to screw her brains out! Up until this point, she’d thought she was the only one who felt like that; like conquering an opponent was the greatest high one could achieve; then she’d found her partner…and worst nightmare!

Jenny McCarthy was not a name that has been tossed around in top circles for over five years; no executives were discussing casting her in films and no television networks wanted her for a pilot. While most actresses would see this as a sign their career was over - that they’d sucked the well dry and it was time to move on to Cinemax softcore porn or reality dating shows - but then, “most actresses” were NOT Jenny McCarthy! In 1998, she and longtime rival Pam Anderson formed an unlikely tag team; the buxom Playboy covergirls and pseudo-actresses were a dream combo. It would take a hell of a lot to take down the reigning champions back then - Tyra Banks and Cindy Crawford, the last of the supermodel catfighting powerhouses.

They seemed unbeatable, but Jenny and one-time world titlist Pam had pulled a huge upset in Paris, and ever since had been a driving force in Celebrity tag wrestling. Pam’s career nose-dived from most watched TV star on the planet in ‘Baywatch’ to unintentional porn star to cocktail joke, and only recently did her television career bounce back slightly with the aptly named ‘Stacked.’

While the bright lights of Hollywood had been less than kind, the arena lights were a whole ‘nother story. Pam and Jenny, “blonde, big-boobed babes” as the Japanese billed them, were a huge draw internationally; much like Andre the Giant in his heyday. The two blondes could draw a crowd simply by their notoriety and there weren’t too many who looked like them in many of the venues they competed - and the money they earned more than made up for any travel inconvenience! They would go country to country, beating local heroines from Turkey to Italy to Russia; all the while stateside stardom faded.

Any challenge to their throne was easily dismissed, even against a would-be “superteams” like Lucy Liu and Drew Barrymore; Sarah Michelle Geller and Charisma Carpenter…even Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling (OK, so that last one was hardly super). Now, in their first marquee match in America in two years, they were going against another throw-together tandem of hotheads who had the team unity of Sunnis and Shiites.

“You ready Jenny?” Pam asked as she adjusted her ample bosom in her snug top.

“Fuck yeah!” Jenny said as she fixed the few hairs still out of place on her well sprayed mop of golden curls.

“Listen,” Pam asked. “Tonight if we go for the double tit smother, can I please be in the back?”

“Sure Pam, why?”

“Well, last week in Belgium I was in front and the bitch kicked me in my…you know.” Jenny started to chuckle at the thought of Pam getting a groin shot. “It’s not funny,” Pam said as she shoved her partner. “I couldn’t get off the next day, and you know how I am when I don’t…um, release.”

“You’re such a horny perv,” Jenny said as she playfully swatted Pam’s fanny.

“Hey, keep your hands to yourself, missy,” Pam pouted as she rubbed her derriere.

“Or else what?” Jenny asked playfully.

“Or else THIS…” Pam said. She tackled Jenny and the two ladies rolled on the floor, ultimately settling into a liplock. Their laughing was stopped by a knock on the door.

“Ladies, you’re up!”

“Thanks.” Jenny helped Pam to her feet and the both put on their matching armbands. “Let’s go kick some ass, then hurry back her and pick up where we left off….”

Pam pulled on Jenny’s arm. “Wait, one last thing…”


“…who do you want?”

“What do you mean Pam?”

“You know; we win; crowd goes all crazy…we gotta each facesit one of the chicks. Who do YOU want?”

“I’ll take the mouthy one,” Jenny said, pretending to think about it for like a millisecond.

“They’re both mouthy,” Pam giggled. “I’m serious.”

“Then I’ll take the HOT mouthy one,” Jenny laughed.


Kath tied her hair into a ponytail with her lucky hair band. She does the same ritual before every match, and she had yet to taste defeat…or anything else unpleasant…in any of her matches.

“Ladies, you’re up now,” the production guy said at the door.

Jessica, impatient to go out and exert her authority, grabbed Kath’s arm, and pulled her toward the door, “Let’s go…”

Kath was mid-tie, and the jerk on her arm caused her lucky band to snap. “Damn!” she grumbled, her vocabulary shrinking at the sight of her destroyed lucky charm.

“Whatever, use one of mine. We’re on! It’s ass-kicking time.”

“That’s not the point. It’s…”

“Don’t care. Let’s go.” Jessica stormed out of the room while Kath borrowed one of Jessica’s. It didn’t feel the same. It didn’t look the same. Hopefully, it wouldn’t spell disaster for her team.


Jenny and Pam stood behind the curtain, waiting for their grand entrance. It was customary in the catfighting world for the challengers to enter first, but Pam and Jenny had always entered before their opponents, and each time it brought them success. Their song began to blare over the PA, and both ladies knew what time it was. Clutching their respective title belts, they flung open the curtain and flashbulbs went off instantaneously as there were a lot of fans curious as to the appearance of these over-30 women.

They were NOT disappointed by what they saw. Pam and Jenny both came bouncing out clad in matching red string bikinis. The outfits were hardly practical, but they were imperative when it came to winning over a crowd. The ladies were beaming from ear to ear, basking in the welcoming cheers from the throngs of adoring fans.

“Guess they didn’t forget us,” Pam said as they gladly slapped hands with those outstretched by ticket holders.

“Guess not. Hope we don’t disappoint ‘em,” Jenny responded, only half kidding.

The ladies rolled into the ring, waving and posing as they waited for their opponents.

Since Jessica and Kath hadn’t bothered to fill out the requisite forms, they didn’t have a joint entrance song, so they entered to a thunderous silence; Jessica in a gray sport bra and matching lycra shorts and Kath in a similar outfit in blue. At first, fans weren’t quite sure how to react. At the last CatfightMania event, Jessica demolished fan-favorite Rachel Bilson, but unlike most, she opted not to show off any of her assets and that doesn’t sit well with John Q Spectator. Kath, on the other hand, was pretty well despised. If Rachel Bilson was a fan favorite, Rachel McAdams would have to be the ‘golden child.’ Her looks and attitude instantly giving her a place in the fans’ hearts. Rachel was one of the few girls who no one wanted to see be humiliated…no one, that is, except Heigl! Heigl faced Rachel in Rachel’s debut match, and after a hard contest, Kath won. But she went overboard in her victory celebration, turning the fans’ love of “festivities” into an uncomfortable series of painful events.

Not only that, but despite not being in a match with Rachel at CatfightMania, Heigl interjected herself in the McAdams-Lohan match to further humiliate poor Rachel. Then later, after beating Alexis Bledel, Kath decided to take liberties with that helpless girl - only to have Rachel come out and try to stop it. Sadly, that confrontation with Heigl also ended badly for McAdams. Finally, earlier this very evening, Heigl’s unprovoked attack on Rachel had turned even the most ardent Heigl fan into her vocal enemy.

Kath and Jessica slid into the ring, not even acknowledging one another’s presence while referee Shannon Elizabeth sauntered over to go over the rules. “OK,” Shannon began, trying not to acknowledge the palpable tension. “The rules are pretty simple. You want in, you tag. No two-on-one bullshit. I don’t like it, but the championship committee doesn’t want to risk any controversy and Lou told me not to bend on this, so I will NOT hesitate to disqualify either team. You got me?”

Kath nodded but Jessica’s eyes remained fixated on their opponents across the ring.

“Hey Biel, you got me?” Shannon asked.

Without moving, Jessica replied with a gruff, “Yeah.”

“Good luck ladies,” Shannon said, then turned and walked to where Pam and Jenny stood waiting impatiently.

“What’s up, hot stuff?” Pam purred, trying to butter up the official.

“Rule time girls. You know about tagging, right?”

“Yeah,” Jenny replied. “But does it have to be a hand? I don’t think I can keep my hands off of her tits,” Jenny giggled, then reached out, covered Pam’s left breast with her open hand and “honk” squeezed Pam’s boob. The blatantly sexual overture eliciting a loud cheer from the already staunchly pro-blonde duo crowd.

“Cut it out,” Shannon said, trying (and failing) not to laugh at Jenny’s antics. “Do whatever you want, just don’t do something that’ll make me DQ you, OK? We wanna give the fans a show, not an excuse to trash the joint.”

“Scout’s honor,” Pam said as she held up her hand. Jenny did the same. Shannon returned to mid-ring and raised her arm.

For the first time in minutes, Biel talked to Heigl. “Follow my lead; I’ll start. Watch my back. Got it?”

“Yeah, I’ll try to remember that. Just don’t get your bitchy mouth stuck between two giant sets of silicone, OK?” Kath scoffed as she stepped out onto the apron and grabbed the tag rope.


“Like you wouldn’t love to see me get…” Jessica never got to finish as she got splashed into the turnbuckle by a charging Pam Anderson. The force of Pam’s body crashing into her back knocked Jessica forehead first into Kath’s face, sending Heigl flying backward off of the ring apron. Kath landed hard, her back and head both slamming the heavy steel barricade at the same time Jessica was being mashed tits-first into the corner turnbuckle.

Jessica let out a loud grunt, then stumbled a couple of steps back into the ring before sitting down hard on her ass! Wily veteran that she was, Pam knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. Lying at her feet was a prone and shocked Jessica Biel, ripe for the picking! Using one hand to secure Jessica’s tousled mane, Pam dragged her out to center ring where, once she had her far from the ropes, she dropped to one knee behind the breathless brunette, snaked an arm around Jessica’s neck and cinched in a textbook sleeper hold.

After years of title defenses against numerous hotshots, Pam had learned all the fundamental skills, especially that wearing down an opponent was more important than showboating. It seemed an odd contrast since Pam’s public persona was all flash and no substance, but her finely honed ring skills were quite the opposite - and quite effective. Jessica still wasn’t quite sure what happened. She remembered talking to Kath, then WHAM! next thing she knew she was miles from the ropes with her oxygen being depleted. Worst of all, her partner was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, it all sank in and Jess realized she was in for a far tougher fight than she’d expected.

Down on the floor, Kath was struggling to rise on wobbly legs to say the least…catapulted from the ring apron into the barricade; her equilibrium severely askew. “Shit!” she thought, “I gotta get it together. I gotta…”

Heigl’s thoughts were interrupted by the impact of a foot slamming up between her legs! Before Kath knew what hit her, the Amazon was facedown on the floor, her body curled up in a ball, hands wedged tight between clinched thighs, fingers massaging her throbbing womanhood.

Jenny McCarthy, the fourth participant in this contest had just made her presence felt!. She’d scouted hours of footage of the young blonde and knew the opportunity to feast on a prone Katherine Heigl doesn’t come along often. So while Shannon Elizabeth was checking on Jessica’s rapidly depleting airflow, Jenny took it upon herself to neutralize Heigl and nothing brings an opponent down better than a foot between the legs!

“Oh, I’m sorry. Was that a low blow? I’d hate to be disqualified. Sorry,” Jenny smirked. “Here, lemme hep’ you up.”

She grabbed Kath’s arm, hauled her to her feet and then Irish Whipped her head and chest first into the steel ring post. Kath bounced off and while her first impact with the barricade hadn’t knocked her loopy, the sold steel corner pole sure did!

In the ring, Jessica wasn’t faring any better. Pam’s Pearl Harbor had worked like a charm and now, from her dominant position, Pam could feel Jessica’s hot breath growing slower and more labored. “Hey sexy,” Pam called to Shannon. “Ask her if she wants me to leave her alone?” She followed the query by a playful tongue wag in the referee’s direction.

Shannon couldn’t help getting a little fluttered as this sexual icon shamelessly flirted with her. Finally breaking her loving gaze, Shannon looked down at the struggling Jessica Biel and snapped curtly, “So, Jess, ya wanna give up already?”

Just as Shannon Elizabeth asked the question, Pam began to synch the move up, grinding her arm against Biel’s windpipe. “Ugh…ugh…nooo….ugh…” Jess mumbled, her answer hardly convincing.

Pam heard the pathetic response and decided to pour on the torment. She leaned in extra close to Jessica’s ear and began to whisper taunts to her captive audience. “Come on sweetie, there’s nothing wrong with giving up. Everyone does, and when I’m done I promise not to do anything bad to you. I won’t strip off your little panties or pinch your titties or sit on your face. I promise I won’t do any of those things…because Jenny already called dibs.” She again extended her tongue and began to gently flick it on her captive’s face.

Jessica was normally the aggressor and in Catfightmania #1, she’d completely demolished Rachel Bilson without the slightest hesitation so the sight of Biel at the mercy of an older foe so early in this contest wasn’t what the fans were expecting - quite the opposite in fact. Jessica Biel had NEVER been treated like this and she wasn’t about to start taking it now.

Meanwhile, outside the ring, Jenny was putting on a real show for the lucky patrons in the front row. With Kath practically out cold from her two encounters with metal objects, Jenny had what you could call a captive audience as she slowly undid the top of her bikini top, letting the strings fall slowly and sensuously. Once she finally bared her surgically enhanced bounty, the fans let out a raucous cheer, appreciative of the sight of the unfettered bosom of a Playboy legend. Naturally Jenny responded by shaking and squeezing her mammaries which enhanced the experience.

Kath during this show was simply trying to get back to her feet and when she had made it up on two weak, rubbery legs, she was immediately punched by Ms. McCarthy who then turned to a couple in the front row and purred, “Man, she goes down faster’n Pam.” Then looking up at her partner in the ring, Jenny shouted, “Just kidding Pammy!”

Jenny used her top to bind Kath’s hands behind her around the ring post. Now helpless, Kath tried to kick Jenny, hoping to score a lucky blow.

“I know Pam called dibs on you,” Jenny said. “But I AM looking forward to having my way with you.”

Jenny was coming closer and closer when she suddenly stopped at the sound of a terrified shriek. Jessica had found her opening. When Pam went for another grind of her arm, Jessica opened wide and sank her pearly whites in Pam’s forearm! Pam began to screech as Jess’s teeth pierced tender flesh.

“Oh my gawd!!!” Pam instantly broke the hold, rubbing her sore skin. “You fucking whore!” Pam screamed as she wiped the tears from her face. Jessica scrambled to her feet and, for the first time in the match, she’d face Pam one on one.

“All right, you washed up plastic bitch, its time for me to kick the shit out of you and retire your ass.”

Pam looked at her with saucer-shaped eyes of terror. “Oh…oh yeah?” she responded, distinctly unconvincingly.

“You better pray…” Jessica began; her words abruptly cut short when she met the same fate as her tag partner. When she’d heard Pam’s cry of pain, Jenny had scrambled into the ring behind Jessica, wound up and fired her foot straight up between Jessica’s planted legs. Never a technician in the ring, Jenny could sure put the hurt to a woman and Jessica dropped to her knees and slowly bent forward until her forehead touched the mat; her tear-filled eyes squinted against the pain; her fluttering hands at her throbbing crotch. Through her tear-dimmed eyes, she could see the two figures looming over her. Jenny and Pam were the tag champions for a reason and Jessica was about to learn why!

“SHIT!” Kath screamed as she tried to free her bound wrists. Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t free her hands and had to watch helpless as her partner lay at the mercy of two devious warriors. Tears of frustration filled her eyes as she yanked and jerked on her bonds until her skin was red, but nothing seemed to work. Finally, giving in to exhaustion - and a possible concussion - Kath’s body slumped down, defeated.

“What do you think we should do with her, Jen?” Pam asked, evaluating the situation of the woman in front of them.

“I don’t know, Pam; what do YOU wanna do?” Jenny responded, eyes fixated on the young woman at her feet.

A smile crossed both of their faces as they picked up the prone girl’s body. Pam wrapped Jessica’s arms up in a full nelson, leaving her helpless and hopeless. “Tell you what, you saved me and you called dibs, so have some fun Jenny.”

Jenny rubbed her hands together, drinking in the sight in front of her, “Don’t mind if I do!”

Jenny stepped in towards her prize, reached out her right hand and pinched Jessica’s lips together, forcing them into a pucker as Jenny pursed her lips and leaned in for a forced kiss. As she bent forward, Jenny gazed into the eyes of her captive foe and saw for the first time ever a look of defeat and submission on the countenance of the consummately intense Jessica Biel.

“Pucker up, sweethear…”

In a move that was either dumb luck or unbelievable planning, Jessica waited until Jenny was mere inches away when she sprung her right foot forward, repaying Ms. McCarthy for the unwelcome low blow with one of her own. Jenny crumbled on impact, her hands immediately moving to the affected region.

Pam tightened her grip on Jessica, hoping the full nelson would contain the bucking beauty, but again Biel proved her ring knowledge exceeded her age and as Jessica bent down to the pressure on her neck and back, Jessica sprang upward, sending both she and her tormentor Pam flying backward. The landing was particularly unpleasant for Pam Anderson, whose body took the brunt of the impact in addition to Jessica crashing down on top of her. As she let out a loud grunt, Pam’s hands flew open, freeing Jessica from the debilitating hold.

“Hey! Lemme out!” Kath screamed, hoping her partner would free her from her tight bikini bondage.

Jessica walked toward her, giving her team their first chance in the match to work as a cohesive unit. “Hold on, I’m coming,” she said as she approached the turnbuckle. “Wait, lemme get something…” Jess said. Then she showed her partner an unmistakable sign of her friendship, an extended middle finger. “Get yourself out of THIS, bitch.” Jessica chuckled as she spun around and slapped her own butt cheek mockingly, then strutted back toward the prone tag champions.

“SCREW YOU!” Kath screamed as she struggled futilely to free the expertly tied knot. Yes, Jenny McCarthy was an expert fighter, but not many knew her ex-husband had been a Boy Scout with a love of…tying people up.

And speaking of Jenny, she was finally recovering from a taste of her own medicine and looking for revenge. “Aw, my fuckin’ vag…” she moaned to no one in particular while her partner was being hoisted to her feet by the one-woman wrecking crew, Jessica Biel.

After several minutes of punishment, Jessica was looking to dish out some torture of her own and Pam was first on the list! Once she had Pam vertical, Jessica Irish Whipped the Baywatch star back into the turnbuckle with great authority. The blonde bombshell was barely aware of where she was when she looked up just as Biel arrived with a charging clothesline! The blow caught her flush across her heaving bosom, knocking the wind out of Pam’s lungs.

Looking up and seeing her partner in peril, Jenny charged headfirst toward Jessica who nimbly side-stepped the actress and let Jenny collide with Pam, giving her an even more vicious elbow to the chest. Pam, again bereft of oxygen, staggered a few steps out from the turnbuckle before she collapsed in a heap.

“I’m sorry!” Jenny groaned, her hands wrapped in her hair as her frustration grew. She turned around just in time to be greeted with two feet to the chest when Jessica executed a picture-perfect dropkick! The double thrust sent Jenny back to Pam’s old home in the corner where she slumped with her arms draped over the top ropes, giving Jessica time to pop back up and put the boots to her before using her powerful legs to push her completely out of the ring through the ropes. Jenny’s body slithered off the ring apron and dropped to the mats on the floor outside the ring. Finally, it was one on one - and in Jessica’s favor!

“OK loser, get ready for some pain!” Jessica threatened as she stalked the hurting Pam.

Jenny climbed back up onto the apron and was leaning on the corner turnbuckle, her chest throbbing from Jessica’s first dropkick. She was rubbing the red skin, hoping to stop the stinging pain when Jessica returned, grabbed Jenny’s wrist and WHOAAAAA flipped her over the top rope back into the ring. She pulled Jenny up and propped the woozy blonde in the corner, pulling her hands away from her chest. “Don’t worry, that pain will go away in a second,” she said with a smile. She reared her hand back and unleashed a blistering chop across Jenny’s aching boobs. THWAP! At that moment, Jenny regretted losing her top earlier.

“Ohhh…” Jenny wailed as she clutched her bouncing bosom.

“Come on, leave ‘em alone or you’re just going to do more damage,” Jessica said as she again swatted the older woman’s hand away. “Now I’m just going to have to do it harder!”

Again and again she reared back and SPLAT, smashed her open palm forward. SMACK! The impacts were so loud that they was audible twenty rows back. Jenny lurched and bucked under the onslaught, tears streaming down her ruddy face as she tried to stay upright with the aid of the ropes. Jessica then began to stomp on her opponent, kicking her in the back of the knees in order to force her on the mat. Jessica’s strategy normally didn’t involve toying with her opponents, and now that she had sufficiently erased any humiliation she felt from earlier in the match, it was time to get down to business.

Jessica pulled Jenny out to the center of the ring and she tied up for a collar and elbow lockup. From that position, she grabbed Jenny’s flimsily briefs and SNAPPE her over with a lighting-fast Suplex. The move slammed Jenny’s back into the mat, and the impact created a whiplash effect on her neck. Not wanting to squander the advantage, Jessica secured Jenny in a headlock, making sure her body was positioned to exert maximum leverage!

The move is pretty simple, one just wraps their arm around an opponent’s neck, but the devil is in the details. By squeezing the neck, Jessica is not only restricting Jenny’s normal breathing patterns, she’s also putting incredible pressure on her already afflicted spine and back. Also, by leaning on Jenny’s back, she was forcing McCarthy to carry her weight as well, another force causing Jenny to exert energy. And lastly and most importantly, Jessica is free to regain some energy and talk some beloved trash talk.

Well, to most women, trash talk is integral to their technique. Emotionally belittling your opponent can be just as damaging as the physical abuse, because a crushed spirit is as easy to beat as a crushed physique. Unfortunately for Jessica, her trash talk is notoriously weak. She has long desired to be seen as a destructive force, and to her the verbiage of most trash talk is embarrassing to say to out loud in front of people. But always the consummate gamer, she is willing to try.

“What’s the matter? Can’t breathe? Just quit. Come on. You’re a quitter. Just quit you quitter.” (Now we know why she needs a script!) “We all know you have nothing left, so just give up.” Jessica began to squeeze harder, remembering the pain she’d suffered in Pam’s full nelson.

‘Now that was painful. Uh-oh; where’s Pam? Shit,’ she thought. ‘Maybe I should’ve freed bimbo blondie earlier.’

Pam was just getting her bearings and more importantly trying to catch her breath. The two shots to the chest really restricted her breathing and a lack of air makes it hard to fight. However, after a few minutes convalescing outside the ring, it was time to take action. Pam used the bottom rope to pull her top-heavy torso upright and, once up, she saw her girlfriend/partner was in trouble. Slipping into the ring behind Jessica, Pam snuck up behind the “Stealth” star and dropped an elbow on her.

Jessica broke the hold, allowing Jenny a moment free from anguish while Pam was stomping the downed starlet; her expletive-laden rants pouring down onto Jessica as she was being kicked. “You fucking whore! Trying to hurt my partner, you cunt! Get up and fight me, bitch!”

Referee Elizabeth knew she needed to restore order, but ever since the bell rang she’d failed miserably. Maybe now she would realize what the stripes on her shirt meant and do her job. But she had a quandary, which was the legal person in the ring? Decisions, decisions!

Outside the ring, Kath was furious - although normally seeing Jessica Biel taking a beating would be exhilarating. But today it meant SHE was moments away from her first loss. Kath looked up and watched Pam and Jenny take turns stomping her partner - and she was powerless to do anything to stop it! Then, she looked up the ramp, hoping some official would come and cut her free. She saw a figure striding toward her in a gray hooded sweatshirt and sweatpants. She couldn’t tell who it was, but she didn’t care as long as they had a pair of scissors.

Inside the ring, Shannon was trying to restore order. She told Pam to get out of the ring, “Let’s go or I’ll disqualify you.”

Shannon had her hands full as she struggled to pull Pam off of Jessica.

“Hey! I’m the legal woman!” Pam protested as she continued to slam her boot on Jessica’s back.

“Fine,” Shannon huffed. She turned to Jenny and snarled, “OK McCarthy, out of the ring!”

“Hey, I thought I get a five count warning?” Jenny argued with a wicked grin as she kicked at Jessica’s head and neck.

“Fine! ONE…” KICK! “…TWO…” KICK! “…THREE…” KICK! At “…FOUR…” Jenny slithered out of the ring, breaking the count and narrowly avoiding disqualification.

Pam scooped up the hurting Biel and bodyslammed her back to the mat. Even before Biel’s body stopped shaking, Pam had hooked her leg, looking for a quick three count. “One…two…” (kick-out.)

“Oh come on!” Pam shouted, looking down at the defiant Biel.

“You’ll…have to…kill me…to…beat me…” Jessica gasped, her body throbbing in pain.

“Hey, your words slut, not mine,” Pam shrugged as she cocked her elbow and drove it straight down into the valley between Jessica’s jiggling breasts. Pam decided to change tactics, preferring humiliation and degradation anyway. She grabbed a handful of Jessica’s hair and pulled her face to her. “I want you to know that in all of the years I’ve been hurting little girls, I have never wanted to make them cry the way I want to make you cry. So quit now or you’ll never be able to show your face again.”

“Go fuck yourself!” Jessica said, knowing her words were going to cause her more pain.

“Oh I was hoping you’d say that!” Pam said as she spanked Jessica’s ass. “I am going to…” she never finished the sentence as, despite the pain and the agony, Jessica still had a will to fight and when her ass was spanked it pulled the trigger in her mind. Jessica flipped over and landed on top of Pam. Once she had her secured, Jessica unloaded with rights and lefts to the pin-up’s defenseless face.

“I’m SO damn sick and tired of you!” Jessica screamed as she pounded Pam into the mat. Jenny came running in to save her partner, only to be greeted with a full-throttled spear. The move nearly broke her in two, and Jessica tossed her back out of the ring as quickly as she’d entered. Then, Jessica set her sights on Pam! “You should have never let me go when you had me!” Jessica said.

Jessica charged Pam, her shoulders hunched and low as she connected with another devastating spear! Jessica picked Pam up, bent her over as she pulled her head down and clamped it between her thighs, setting her up for her patented Biel Bomb! As Jessica wrapped her arms around Pam’s waist, Shannon leaned over, checking if Pam would concede before the move. Jessica ignored her and hoisted Pam upside down, then sent her crashing to the mat. But while her body was in mid-air, Pam flailed her arms and legs and an errant foot caught Shannon in the forehead. BANG! When Pam hit the mat, so did Shannon!

“Fuck!” Jessica said.

Jenny, meanwhile, was clutching her hurt midsection. That spear was more than she was expecting, and she felt like someone had sliced her in half. However, as she looked into the ring, she saw both her partner and the ref lying on the canvas, which meant it was ‘Wild West’ time. She grabbed a chair from ringside and dove into the ring with it. Jessica was standing between Pam’s wide spread legs as Pam lay on her back. Jessica had just raised her foot above Pam’s unprotected pussy as, wide-eyed, Pam was begging her not to stomp her…Pam was pretty sure what was coming!

“You are SO going to regret ever fucking with me,” Jessica said in the second before she was dropped by a chair across her back!

BUH-WANG! The sickening thud of bone meeting steel was followed by the sickening THUD of her face hitting the floor as Jessica crumpled in a limp pile between Pam’s spread legs. Standing triumphantly over her prostrate body was the grinning Jenny McCarthy!

DIng! Ding! Ding!

“What the hell?” Jenny asked as she heard the clang of the bell. Her answer was clear as she saw the downed Shannon Elizabeth calling for the match to stop. “That bitch!” she said when she realized Ms. Elizabeth had been playing possum.

“That’ll teach you to test my authority!” Shannon said with a smile.

“Fine,” Jenny said. BWANG! She smashed the chair over Shannon’s head and muttered, “NOW let’s see you get up.”

Security flooded the ring, hoping to take the champs out before the crowd rioted. A disqualification, while not customary to Lou Dipi and his organization, are strictly enforced when dealing with the global tag titles. And now, his paying customers were being robbed of a decisive finish. Jenny and Pam were being protected from the onslaught of trash being hurled at them, with the armed guards baring the brunt of unfinished sodas and crumpled foil. Shannon was being helped out of the ring by medical officials, while Jessica was able to get up on her own recognizance. Kath was still tethered to the post hoping help was on the way for her when the long-idle figure in gray approached.

“Hey, you cutting me down or what?” Kath asked hopefully, needing relief - or at least answers. But the figure didn’t reply as it approached and stopped inches away, standing uncomfortably close to the blonde and staring down ominously. “Let me go, OK?” Kath pleaded, shaking her imprisoned arms.

The figure’s hands reached up to her hands, pulling on her wrists. Satisfied that she was really secure, the figure’s hands slowly traced their way down her arms to her heaving chest.

“What the hell? You pervert!” Kath asked as the mystery person began to fondle her bountiful bosom. “Hey, get offa my tits!” She tried to twist and wriggle back and forth to escape, but the mystery groper had her legs and torso pinned and as the mysterious figure continued to paw away at her breasts, the hands roughly grabbing her flesh and squeezing for all they were worth.

“Ohhhh! Ow! Ow! FUCK! Leggoooo!” Kath squealed. “Help! HELP!!!” Jessica had finally rolled out of the ring and was walking toward her partner, taking in the situation. “Jess! Jess! Heeeeeellllllllp meeeeee!” Kath screamed, begging assistance from Jessica, her ‘in-name-only’ tag team partner.

“Fine, but you owe me,” Jessica huffed as she latched onto the mystery woman’s hood. “Lets see who we’re dealing with…” Jessica snarled as she jerked the hood back to expose their masked assailant…the face of Rachel McAdams! Jessica, who had just been through one of the most physically draining matches of her life, finally had some relief for once. When she recognized the face of her attacker, she let out a much-deserved laugh. Rachel McAdams, who had been continuously tormented by Katherine Heigl, was here for revenge. The sight of Kath humbled by her erstwhile patsy was something Jessica couldn’t pass up. “Sorry, she’s way too tough for me,” Jess said as she continued her laughing fit. As her situation became clear in Kath’s mind, she grew furious.

“Time for you to suffer the way I have!” Rachel said, her face still showing the residue from her earlier encounter that night when Rachel had just sewn up her first victory over ‘Jobber to the Stars’ Alexis Bledel. But unfortunately for Rachel, Kath had struck with a devastating chokeslam and the dazed McAdams mistook Alexis’s pussy for Kath’s and wound up “servicing” the wrong woman in an attempt to avoid more pain. Now, barely an hour later, Rachel was about to get sweet revenge. But sweet revenge hadn’t given her time to shower Alexis’ love juice off of her face. Rachel wanted an unobstructed target, so she tugged down the fabric of Kath’s top, popping her proud tits out for the world to feast on.

“Have your fun now, because I’m going to kill you,” Kath hissed.

“Oh, I will!” Rachel said as she began to pinch Kath right nipple. “How about you give me a little whimper, Kitty-Kath,” Rachel laughed through her beaming smile.

“You mean the way YOU’D whimper for mmmm…” Kath had to hold her retort when Rachel latched on to the left nipple as well.

“I think you wanted to say the word me, as in it is me who is going to destroy you.” Rachel pulled and tugged Kath’s tits with reckless abandon. Kath was becoming more and more enraged as her breasts were being tenderized by her smaller nemesis.

“All right, this is fucking done!” Kath screamed. With one last-ditch effort, she pulled her wrists with all her might. Either the knot would break, or her arms would, but either way, she wasn’t going to let her body be abused like this.

“Oh baby, struggle, I like it when you do that,” Rachel said as she reveled in her moment of glory. (-Snap-) “Oh shit!”

Kath screamed in primal rage as something snapped. But it wasn’t her wrists! Rachel looked up and when she saw Kath’s free hands and knew she was in trouble! In a futile effort, Rachel began to throw punches, lefts and rights, but the pent-up aggression and adrenaline pulsing through Kath veins was pouring out full tilt - all focused on Rachel McAdams!

Rachel started to sprint as fast as she could, and she instantly regretted her hooded sweatshirt when Kath reached out and grabbed the flapping cloth that had kept her identity hidden. The force of Kath’s yank sent Rachel hurdling for the thin mats and the hard concrete underneath.

“That didn’t take long,” Kath said, smiling for the first time in a while. First, she popped her boobs back into their home. Then, she looked down at a familiar sight, Rachel McAdams flat on her back and helpless. “Welcome home, slut,” Kath said as she began to lower her ass onto the dazed beauty.

Just then, Jessica came charging through the curtain and rammed headfirst into Heigl, pouncing before she completed her facesit. Quickly pinning Kath, Jessica looked at her and hissed, “Leave her alone, or you’ll deal with me.”

“What the hell…?”

“After all the shit you did to her, she deserved some revenge. Leave her alone!” While the partners bickered, Rachel got to her feet, ran down the aisle and disappeared through the curtain.

“Tell you what, Kath, next time I get a slot open, I want you, one-on-one. Then we’ll see if you can actually EARN a facesit!” Jessica patted Kath’s cheek and got off her captive.

“Bitch!” Kath snarled as she bounded to her feet.

No one had bested Kath before and she’d be damned if it was gonna happen tonight! Hearing the challenge, dollar signs lit up in Lou Dipi’s eyes and he immediately deployed his security force to separate the women before they blew a big main event payday for him.

“This isn’t over!” Kath screamed. “This is NOT over by a longshot!”

"I'll be waiting!" Rachel laughed.

Continue to the next match on the card