Shakira vs. Britney Spears: Backyard Brawl by Henrik

The MTV music awards had come around again, and this year Shakira had cleaned up big, sweeping the best female vocal, best female album and best female video awards leaving all her competitors in the dust. One of those competitors, one who'd been nominated in the same three categories and won nothing, was Britney Spears! It'd been a rough year for Brit, what with her breakups and the scandals and unfortunately she was probably suffering from a bit of overexposure. Nevertheless, she felt she deserved at least a couple of the awards Shakira had taken home tonight. The awards show after party was at an extravagant New York club and most of the attendees were there living it up and having a good time. Britney, however, was sulking over being ignored, both during the show and now at the after party.

All the buzz was about Shakira, who did numerous interviews and posed for pictures. Finally, the singer was growing tired of the reporters and photographers who bombarded her, so she sneaked away to the bar for a drink. With her drink, she huddled over the bar, quietly sipping and hoping not to be noticed. The one who DID notice her, however, was Britney. Led by some force she didn't understand, Britney had gone to the bar too. She walked briskly up and, just as she got there, Shakira turned around with her drink in her hand. Britney ran straight into her, spilling the almost full glass down the front of Shakira's gorgeous, and expensive, dress. Shakira gasped as the icy liquid seeped thru the sheer dress, the cold, damp material exposing her full breasts rather noticeably.

"Oh...sorry," Britney said awkwardly, then despite herself a mischievous little grin curled her lips.

Shakira studied her rival carefully, then said slowly, "Perhaps I'd believe that if you weren't smiling!"

"Oh, it WAS an accident!" Britney assured her. "It's not like I meant to do it!"

Then, too quick for her to stop, another smug, self-satisfied grin flickered over her face. Now Shakira had no doubt Britney was laughing at her and a rage began to grow inside her at the other girl's arrogant behavior.

"So, you think that is funny?" Shakira huffed. "Well, then maybe you think THIS is funny too!"

She reached behind her to the bar, grabbed a glass and random and flung the contents onto the front of Britney's skimpy T-shirt. As soon as the frigid fluid splashed across her shirt, the blonde's nipples, already perky from the excitement of confronting Shakira, now sprang fully erect. They were hard to miss as the soaking Shakira had given her left her top practically see-through. Britney gasped as the cold liquid hit her, then glanced down at her impressive breasts and blushed. Her eyes snapped up as she glared at Shakira, her eyes wide in shock.

Turning her hips quickly, Britney slapped Shakira, twisting her head to the side with the power of her blow. Shakira stood in stunned silence for a moment, then slowly turned back to face Britney. Then, in a flash, she swarmed all over Britney, tackling her to the floor where they rolled around, kicking, slapping, spitting and cursing to the complete amazement of the on-lookers.

The fight was broken up quickly by the bartender and a couple from the crowd. Shakira was a real handful and it took two men to hold her back as she kicked and clawed trying to get at Britney who was being pulled away by her entourage. It eventually took three men to hold the furious Latina while Britney stood back with one woman's arm holding her lightly around the chest. Britney didn't seem to be nearly as aggressive and everyone's eyes followed Shakira as they were pulled to opposite ends of the huge club.

After the scene had calmed down, Shakira got a pen and began scribbling a note on a napkin. When she was done, she folded the napkin, wrote something on it and handed it to one of the trusted members of her entourage.

"Find Miss Spears and give this to her," she told her. "And BE SURE she reads it!"

The assistant, though somewhat confused, did as she was told and set off to find Britney. She found her at the other end of the club, being doted on and fawned over by her own entourage. The meek looking girl easily slipped through the crowd surrounding Britney and handed her the note.

"Shakira wants you to see this," she whispered before she quietly slipped away to watch and make sure Britney read it.

The blonde looked at the folded up napkin with a bemused expression and almost threw it away. But when she read what was written on the front, "I'M SORRY" she was curious and unfolded the napkin.

She read the note she found scrawled inside, "Ha-ha, I'm NOT sorry, you arrogant little snot! Since you obviously have a problem with me, let’s solve it! I’ve got a ring in my backyard I use with my cousin when she visits. I propose we solve this in the ring - away from the media, our entourages, bodyguards or anyone else who would stop a fight between us. I’ll be alone and I expect the same from you - unless you’re too big a coward to accept. I’ll be waiting." It was signed simply, ‘S’.

The also had a date and Shakira's address. Britney was infuriated by the challenge and she angrily crumpled the napkin and threw it on the floor.

"Fine!” she thought. “If she wants a fight, she'll get one she’ll never forget!"

Shakira's assistant slipped back into the crowd to inform her boss the message had been received. When the big day came, Britney left a short, angry message on Shakira's answering machine, telling her was on her way and would arrive alone. Shakira was pleased to hear her challenge had been accepted and she quickly changed into the swim suit she’d chosen and went to her backyard. There, she climbed into the ring and sat on the top rope in the far corner to await her rival. Shortly, she heard the roar of a powerful engine as Britney's convertible skidded to a stop with a howl of breaks in the driveway of the large house.

Shakira had given her staff the day off, telling them, "The bitch will just have to find her own way to the backyard."

Britney leaped out of her car and made her way to the back of the house where she flung open the huge gate opening into the back yard. Shakira looked up at her and dropped off her perch, landing lightly on her feet, saying nothing. Just the sight of her rival increased her blood pressure and her face flushed with angry as she recalled Britney’s laugher at her embarrassment in the bar.

Britney entered the yard, not pausing to close the gate behind her and walked briskly towards the ring. She climbed in wearing a bikini top with short sweat shorts, which she instantly peeled off revealing a bright yellow bikini bottom. As she turned her back to Shakira, she bent over to lay her shorts on the mat in the corner, showing her gorgeous ass to her hated rival.

"I didn't have any wrestling clothes, so I just wore this," Britney said as she turned around and ran her hands down her body, the sarcasm unmistakable in her voice. "Since I'm going to the shore this afternoon I figured I’d save myself the trouble of changing. After all, I don’t expect this to take very long."

Another wave of anger rose in Shakira at the sound of Britney's smug cockiness and she snapped, "This is a submission match. No pins or any of that silly stuff. The match ends only when someone gives up. You ready?"

"Harrumph!" Britney snorted. "Yeah!"

"Very well," Shakira said as she stepped out of her corner and took a deep breath. Then she added as a signal to start, "Ding-ding!"

The two beauties circled in the ring, sizing one another up. It was apparent that Shakira was taking this far more seriously than Britney and she struck first, spearing Britney in the stomach with her shoulder and driving her back into the corner turnbuckle. Britney’s back hit hard and a rush of air escaped her as she as Shakira's shoulder dug deep into her belly.

Shakira wasted no time, grabbing a handful of Britney's hair and she began slamming her head back into the top turnbuckle. She slammed her head, pulled it up again and slammed it back down. There was a look of agony on Britney's face as pain shot through her rattling skull. Shakira spun Britney around out of the corner and set her up for a belly to belly suplex. She executed it picture perfect, picking Britney up and flinging her halfway across the ring where she landed, completely dazed, on her back in the middle of the ring.

"Hee-hee-hee," Shakira giggled as she approached her fallen foe. "This may be even easier than I thought."

Britney did nothing to prove her assessment wrong as she let Shakira take a position beside her and pull her arm into a side armbar.

"AaaaahAAAAAHHHH!" Britney yelled as Shakira torqued her arm.

Shakira bent the elbow further in the wrong direction, and Britney screamed again.


"Let go?" Shakira asked as she applied a last burst of pressure, wringing another hideous scream from Britney. "OK, I'll let go but I gotta tell ya, I'm just gonna do something else."

She let go of Britney's arm and proceeded to make good on her promise as she yanked Britney up by the hair, picked her up for a body slam and then held her shoulder high for several seconds before she sent her crashing to the mat. The collision of Britney’s body with the mat shook the ring under Shakira’s feet.

"Aaaaaah! That was a GOOD one!" she exclaimed proudly. "How about another?"

Again she dragged Britney to her feet, picked her up and this time she held her there for an extremely long time. Britney groaned as she was held in the air in Shakira's strong arms until the tough blonde brought her back to earth. Again, the impact shook the ring as Britney's back crashed onto the mat with excruciating force. Shakira was definitely putting something extra into her body-slams, driving a point home, as it were. Britney rolled onto her side, curling up and moaning in pain.

"Oh GOD this is boring!" Shakira said, giving Britney a kick in the ass. "Don't you have ANY fight in you?"

Britney moaned some unintelligible response as Shakira slowly bent over, got a good grip on a handful of hair and brought her up to her feet. The blonde pop princess stood on unsteady legs, her head forced down and forward by Shakira as she drew back her fist. Then Shakira punched Britney in the stomach so hard she was raised up on her toes. Britney’s body went limp, barely being held upright only by Shakira’s handful of her hair.

"Pathetic!" Shakira muttered, as she supported her dazed foe by the hair.

She ripped another hard punch to Britney's midsection.


Britney's face twisted in agony as Shakira dragged her over to the corner of the ring and hung her up with her arms draped over the top rope leaving her half-standing, half-sitting on the middle strand. Shakira walked over to the other side of the ring, turned and charged towards her foe. Leaping, she planted both feet in Britney's face with a low, but effective, drop kick. Britney's limp body bent back over the top rope, then slowly slid down and dropped on her butt leaning on the ropes with her legs spread in front of her and her chin on her chest.

"Hey, you didn't submit yet!" Shakira said. "No sleeping!" as she grabbed Britney under her drooping chin and unleashed a cracking backhand across her face that made Britney's eyes widen from the stinging slap.

"That should wake you up!" Shakira said cheerfully.

Britney, invigorated by the slap, reached up and tried to get her hands around Shakira's throat in a desperate attempt at offense.

"I don't think so." Shakira said calmly as she caught Britney's wrist and twisted it up behind her back.

Britney threw her head back, her mouth open in a silent cry and her eyes staring at the clear, blue sky as tears began streaming down her cheeks; the crystal clear moisture droplets glistening like jewels in the bright sunlight. Shakira paid no heed to Britney’s trauma as she unleashed a brutal shot to Britney's kidneys that dropped the princess to her knees gasping.

Shakira kicked her in the back of the head, sending her sprawling face down to the mat. Shakira calmly stepped over Britney’s writhing body, took hold of her wrists and dragged the limp, weeping blonde to the middle of the ring. She dropped her face down, then spun around and sat down on her back. Reaching forward, Shakira picked up both Britney's arms, wrapped them around under her throat, and pulled back.

Britney was being choked out by her own arms and if she wanted to submit at this point, it was doubtful she could have found the voice to do so. Likewise, she didn’t have a hand free to use to tap out. Shakira leaned back even further, the pressure of Britney's own arms on her throat pulling her torso up off the mat as they cut off her air until her eyes rolled back in her head.

Finally, after an excruciatingly long time, Shakira released her arms and let Britney flop forward on her face, gasping and wheezing for air as her hands pawed weakly at the mat as if she were trying to crawl out of the ring to escape.

"Looks like you're about done for," Shakira said, inspecting the damage she’d caused. "But I want to give you one last thing to remember me by."

She got Britney up on her feet, then heaved her gorgeous body up onto her shoulders, putting her in a torture rack. Britney hung draped over Shakira’s shoulders, helpless, her mouth gaping open, her face blank and lost in the throes of agony.

"Do you submit?" Shakira demanded.

"UhhhAAAAHoooohhhh!" came Britney’s response.

"Not good enough," Shakira said. "You must say 'I give' for it to count."

As the South American gave a little bounce, Britney let out another nondescript moan.

"That's not a word!" Shakira corrected. "Repeat after me, say, I GIVE!"

She jumped one time, bending Britney's body like it was about to snap in two as she lay helplessly draped across her shoulders.

"OooooohaaaaAAAAAAAAAH!! I...I GIVE!" Britney managed, summoning up the last of whatever strength she had left.

Grinning, Shakira tossed the dominated and defeated blonde backward off her shoulders; letting her body fall five feet to the mat.

"The most pathetic fight I've ever had," Shakira said to no one in particular as she shook her head sadly.

As a conclusion to the day’s activity, Shakira dragged Britney’s unconscious by one ankle over to the ring apron. She climbed out of the ring and pulled the defeated singer out of the ring onto her shoulder and carried her like a sack of flour out to the driveway. She dumped Britney in the drivers seat of her car and, as she was about to close the door, she got a perfectly wicked thought; one she couldn’t resist acting on.

Shakira unfastened Britney's bikini top and took it off, leaving her slumped topless behind the wheel of her convertible in the middle of the street. She tossed the bikini top down a storm sewer, then removed all the towels and other clothing from the car and the trunk.

She couldn't help laughing as she headed back into her house, saying over her shoulder to her sleeping rival, "Have fun at the beach, sweetie. And don't get those things get a sunburn!"

Continue to the rematch