CATHERINE ZETA JONES VS JENNIFER ANISTON

Catherine Zeta-Jones studied her taut body in the mirror and smiled as she thought of the destruction she would soon be visiting on Jennifer Aniston. She couldn't believe the little bimbo had been stupid enough to accept her challenge for a hardcore match. The blonde's opinion of herself had steadily risen as the interest in her show's finale climbed, and now she apparently thought she was good enough to go toe to toe with "Cat The Crippler." Well, Catherine would be only too happy to show her the error of her ways.

In another locker room Jennifer was also looking in the mirror, studying her own supple movements as she went through a series of stretches. She knew that CZJ would be tough, but she was sure that as long as she could use her speed and agility she would be able to wear "The Crippler" down. She realized that her wins over the likes of Christina Ricci and Natalie Portman weren't as impressive as her foe's victories, but she also knew that she had yet to be humbled in a match, whereas Cat had been laid low on more than one occasion. As far as she was concerned, that told the whole story. She finished limbering and smiled happily as she brushed her already perfect hair.

The time came and the ring introductions began. As the challenger, Jennifer strode to the ring first wearing a long, clinging green robe that was closed all the way to her neck. It accentuated her beautiful body, but gave no hint of what she was wearing underneath. Once in the ring, she paraded around and let everyone get a good look before she slowly unzipped the robe and let it slide to the floor, revealing a tiny emerald green bikini. The crowd let loose a massive cheer at her immodest costume, although she noticed one audience member in a trenchcoat and floppy hat who seemed uninterested. Well, no accounting for taste.

A moment later the feline snarl that led into Catherine's theme music blasted throughout the arena, and the Cat herself marched to the ring. She was clad in a black bikini that fit like a second skin. She looked hot, but she also looked menacing. Ignoring the fans completely, she walked all the way around the ring before entering, sizing up her foe from every angle with a faint smile on her face. From the ring Jennifer's eyes never left her. In the audience, a floppy hat turned, also tracking the Cat's every move.

Once Catherine entered, both women were brought to the center of the ring for instructions from referee Ali Landry. As she went over the rules, Catherine reached up and slid a finger over the tiny shoulder strap of Jennifer's bikini top. "Very nice" she purred. Jennifer slapped the hand away, annoyed by the familiarity with which Cat was treating her. Catherine's slight smile returned.

Cat suddenly faked a lunge at Jennifer, who flinched slightly but visibly. Cat's smile widened, and she abruptly turned her back on her foe and walked calmly to her corner. Jennifer stomped to her own corner, mentally berating herself for that moment of weakness.

The bell rang, and the two girls moved towards one another. Cat looked like her namesake, a panther striding with deceptively careless grace. By contrast, Jennifer was a mongoose, in constant motion, edging for position, looking for an opening, never offering a stationary target.

Noting her foe's nerves, Catherine began to quietly taunt her less-experienced opponent. "By the way, Jen, darling," she began, "You DO realize that Ali is only here to count the pin, or to ring the bell after you beg for mercy, right?" Jennifer's hands flicked out, looking for a grip, but Catherine deftly avoided them and kept talking as though she hadn't noticed. "It's a hardcore match. Anything goes, you see. She can't do a thing…."

Cat suddenly launched forward like a missile, again catching Jennifer by surprise just long enough to land a hard kick to the blonde's crotch. "…WHEN I SEND YOU HOME IN A BOX!"

Jennifer shrieked and doubled over, shocked by both the pain and the suddenness of Cat's attack. Before she could recover, Catherine tucked Jen's head beneath an arm and dropped back into a devastating DDT. The match was only a minute old and already Catherine had taken the upper hand. Her eyes were gleaming with delight as her fantasies of destruction were coming true already.

Jen rolled to her knees, trying to regroup. How could things be going so wrong so quickly? Before she could make it to her feet, the Cat snapped another kick at her head. Jennifer dodged, but couldn't move entirely out of the way and was again knocked to the canvas.

Using the momentum from the kick itself, she kept rolling all the way out of the ring. She needed to regain her footing and balance or the fight would be over before it began.

Catherine immediately followed her out of the ring, but the momentary pause did allow the challenger to get back to her feet. She swung a spinning kick at Catherine that didn't connect but did force the champ to drop back rather than continuing the assault.

Rather than going immediately back into battle, Jennifer elected to return to the ring. Fighting outside it would be playing into the champion's hands, which was the worst thing she could do. The Cat mumbled a curse, but followed her back in; careful not to open herself to a sneak attack as she did so.

Again the two circled, with Jennifer obviously more cautious and her movements a bit less fluid. She realized that she had been lucky to escape the previous assault with no more damage than she had sustained and wanted to keep it that way. She had underestimated CZJ's ability to explode so abruptly onto a foe and it had almost been her undoing.

Cat again went on the attack, feinting a left hook and then delivering a right instead, but Jennifer wasn't duped and managed to block it with relative ease. This pattern repeated several times, with Catherine continuing to try different types of attack and Jen avoiding them by greater or lesser degree.

The frustration of not connecting began to take its toll on Catherine, and her attacks gradually grew wilder and less focused. The mocking smile had faded, replaced by a frustrated frown. Again and again she attacked to no avail.

Jennifer's plan was becoming clear. She was playing it smart, making no real effort to attack, instead conserving her own energy as much as possible. She obviously intended to avoid the Cat's attacks as long as she could and goad the champion into exhausting herself.

It was a good strategy, particularly against someone with the power and bad temper of CZJ. Still, it had to be implemented perfectly… and no one is perfect.

Perhaps inevitably, Jen began to grow cocky with her success. Eager to implement the next step of her scheme, it was now the blond issuing the taunts. "What's the matter, bitch? I thought you were going to send me home in a box! I guess maybe you're too tired from hauling that fat ass around!"

Catherine was starting to get red in the face. She took another hard swing at her foe, again missing. Jennifer took advantage of the opportunity to land a hard slap directly on the face of the frustrated champ, then laughed as she danced back out of range.

As she had hoped, the move further infuriated Cat, effectively removing her remaining self-control. With a shriek of rage, the brunette charged at the mocking blonde.

Jen was expecting the charge, counting on it in fact. It would be child's play to use the brunette's momentum against her, slamming her hard into the turnbuckle or perhaps even the ring post. Stunned by the impact, CZJ should be too dazed to avoid Jen's dragon sleeper. From there the outcome would be inevitable.

It was then that Jennifer made a single mistake. With her concentration fixed on exact timing to avoid Catherine, she had momentarily lost track of Ali Landry. As a result, her acrobatic dodge carried her not to safety, but directly into the referee. Both ladies stumbled for a crucial split-second that kept them directly in the path of the onrushing brunette warrior.

Catherine slammed hard into the two stumbling women, causing them to crack their heads hard into each other and driving both into the turnbuckle. Ali took the brunt of the impact, but Jennifer had the wind knocked out of her and found herself cornered.

Furious at her earlier treatment, the champion began unloading hard rights and lefts into her weakened opponent. Again and again the heads of the two trapped women slammed together, doubling the damage from each blow.

As the initial rush of anger faded, Cat became more methodical in her assault. A series of knees to the body prevented Jennifer from mounting any kind of comeback, and then a bulldog left her sprawled on the mat.

Freed from the weight of the other two women, Ali fell limply forward and lay still on the mat. The curvy brunette referee had been knocked senseless by the crushing weight of the wrestlers and by the series of impacts to her head.

The Crippler glanced back at the fallen official, and her earlier mocking smile returned. Now there would be no one to stop the match until she was done torturing this pathetic blonde wanna-be. Excellent.

Jennifer was slowly trying to pull herself back to her feet, but so far had only been able to make it as far as hands and knees. Seeing her in that position, Cat ran over, leapt into the air and came down with both knees on the challenger's back. Jen crashed flat again with a sound somewhere between a grunt and a moan.

The challenger looked all but out as The Cat pulled her back to her feet with a handful of hair. "I think it's time for them to start measuring a box for you, dear," she purred, then charged over and slung the debilitated blonde over the top rope. Before she left the ring in pursuit, the cruel champion dropped a vicious knee onto the head of the still-fallen referee, ensuring that she'd remain unconscious. "You just rest here until I'm ready for you, love," she smirked.

Jennifer lay outside the ring with her eyes glassy and her chest rising and falling as she tried to gather her strength. If she didn't pull herself together and get back into the match pretty quickly, it would be all over for her.

The Crippler was determined not to give her the chance. She had the little blonde bitch right where she wanted her, and now it was time to teach her a lesson. Jen swung a fist as she was again pulled to her feet, but it had little effect on the champion. In response the brunette drove her foe's head into the concrete with a DDT, leaving the challenger half-conscious and twitching. She followed up with a several kicks to the head until the twitching stopped.

Confident that her enemy wouldn't be going anywhere, Catherine casually began clearing a ringside table. Water bottles, paperwork and television monitors were each tossed aside with the same disdain. Once the table had been cleared, she sauntered back to her prone opponent. Jennifer was starting to move, but the vacant look in her eyes bore witness that she wouldn't be offering significant resistance any time soon.

With a laugh, The Cat pulled her foe's top off, then wrapped it around the blonde's neck. She strolled casually around the ring, dragging the exhausted girl behind her like a prize. Jen tugged feebly at the cloth around her throat, but again seemed on the verge of passing out.

It was a short trip; the bikini broke long before CZJ had completed a circuit around ringside. Jennifer sprawled where she fell, oblivious, not even attempting to cover her exposed breasts. Cat raised her victim once more, this time draping her over her shoulder. Most in the audience assumed she would toss her into the ring and end the match, but they weren't counting on the brunette's cruelty.

Catherine paraded the rest of the way around the ring with Jennifer draped over her shoulders, then stopped by the empty table. "If anyone has any doubts that the Crippler is back," she shouted, "then let me ease your mind right now!" With that, she swung around and gave Jen a Death Valley Driver directly through the table.

An audible gasp ran through the crowd as the pretty FRIENDS star crashed through the table. If there had been any doubt that she was finished before, it was now erased. Looking at her crushed figure in the rubble, even Jen's most adamant supporters knew that she would fight no more this night. Catherine was positively radiant as she rose to her feet, basking in the crowd's shocked reaction to the brutal assault.

As the crowd erupted in boos and catcalls and cameras flashed, few noticed the fan in the trenchcoat move toward the aisle. Cat had just begun to pull her foe's slack body toward the ring when the mysterious figure jumped the rail and approached her from behind, pulling a white cloth from inside the trenchcoat in the process.

Meanwhile, the Cat was playing to the crowd. She made a show of dragging the battered challenger back toward the ring, being sure that no one in the audience could miss seeing how decisive her victory was. She smiled and waved at the crowd with one of Jennifer's limp arms before slinging her victim onto the canvas.

With the noise of the crowd masking any sounds of approach, Catherine's first inkling that another person had arrived came when the cloth was suddenly pressed over her nose and mouth. She immediately erupted into frenzied resistance, twisting and squirming in her assailant's grip.

As the two figures struggled, the floppy hat fell away in a cascade of blonde hair. The reaction was mixed as they realized that the hated champion was being attacked by the leader of the equally hated ABA… her old enemy, Christina Applegate!

Though The Crippler was fighting like a wildcat, surprise and leverage prevented her from breaking away from her unexpected foe. Christina simply held grimly on, knowing that time was on her side.

She was soon proved right, as CZJ's struggles inevitably began to weaken. She tried to run Christina back first into the ring post, but after a couple of steps she began to stagger, and a moment later her knees buckled. She made a couple of last ineffectual tugs at Christina's hand, then her arms fell slack to her side as her eyes closed and she slumped against the blonde.

Christina shrugged off the trench coat, revealing a tight tank top and a pair of jeans. She tossed the champion into the ring, one more form sprawled on the canvas. Christina rolled in as well, toed the Cat onto her back, and then dragged Jennifer over so that an arm was draped across the champion for a cover. She was about to revive the referee, but did a double take when she noticed that Catherine was already beginning to stir.

Shaking her head in astonishment, she once again held the cloth over the champion's face. She waited for several seconds, watching as the brunette's chest rose and fell. This time when she pulled it away Cat's head lolled slackly to the side.

Christina watched a moment longer, but CZJ was now deeply unconscious and didn't move again. Satisfied, Chris stepped over and gave Ali a slap to the back of the head. The referee stirred, but apparently not quickly enough for the blonde, who then gave her another shake for good measure. When the official began to move, Christina quickly rolled out of the ring and into the aisle, grabbing her trenchcoat as she went.

As Ali once more became aware of her surroundings, she saw the champion on her back with Jennifer's arm stretched across her chest. The brunette didn't move at all as the sexy ref slapped the mat once, twice, then made the crucial third count.

Jennifer's head was still swimming from the beating she'd taken when she heard the bell ring. She didn't remember being pinned, but of course there was no other possible outcome. She had underestimated the brunette's brutality, and paid the price. She disjointedly wondered what else had been done to her once she was helpless….

Even when her hand was raised, Jen didn't realize she'd won, assuming that Ali was just checking her for signs of consciousness. She waved it to indicate she was awake, then fought off a wave of dizziness and pain as she struggled to a sitting position. It was only when she felt an object being pushed into her hands that she realized that something didn't add up.

Her eyes opened, then boggled as she saw the belt she was holding. Her incredulous expression slowly stretched into a smile as she took in the unexpected vision of The Crippler, prostrate and unmoving on her back. The new champion still had no idea what had happened, but she was sure she'd enjoy watching a tape of the match to find out.

EPILOGUE: As Jennifer made her way from the ring with her new title, ringside attendants worked to revive the fallen warrior. Catherine didn't respond to prods or gentle shakes, but finally her eyelids fluttered open and she began to move when smelling salts were administered.

Cat had only fuzzy flashes of memory of the end of the match (she was on her back, there was a pungent odor as something covered her face), but she knew something had gone drastically wrong. To hell with it, she'd figure it out once her head cleared. Someone would pay for this, that much was certain.

The world still had a tendency to go gray around the edges of her vision and her limbs felt as though they were attached to sandbags, but she angrily waved the attendants away as she slowly eased her way out of the ring. It would be a cold day in hell when she had to be helped back after a match with Jennifer fucking Aniston!

The jeers and taunts of ringside fans barely registered with CZJ as she made her way unsteadily back from the ring, but a sudden increase in their volume penetrated her haze. She gradually brought her gaze up, only to discover someone was standing directly in her path. After a moment, she recognized the person as Christina Applegate.

The Cat tried to muster bravado she didn't feel. "Look, bitch, I've had a bad night and I'm not in the mood for you. Do yourself a favor and go away before I hurt you again."

In the meantime, the ring attendants moved to break up the altercation, but before they could make it to the women they found the way blocked by several ABA members who emerged from points in the crowd. Jenny McCarthy stared down the attendants, shaking a warning finger in their direction. They stopped in their tracks, unwilling to directly confront the brutal clique.

Christina seemed amused, smiling pleasantly. "Not today, baby. But I tell you what… if you get on your knees and beg, I'll let you walk. I'm feeling generous today."

Catherine considered for a moment. "Go to hell." She abruptly swung at the mocking blonde.

The Cat's normally explosive attack was now weak, slow and clumsy. Chris easily swatted it aside, then landed a single stinging slap that spun the brunette around. The woozy warrior staggered, then stumbled to her hands and knees. "I was hoping that's what you'd say," the blond smirked.

"Now," she continued, "last chance. You're already on your knees, so just beg me and I'll let you go."

By way of reply, Cat pulled herself unsteadily back to her feet. She took a step back, bracing herself against the metal railing, then very deliberately raised a middle finger. But despite the defiant gesture, her eyes seemed to say "here comes the beating." She would soon be proved right.

Christina was still smiling, but any trace of pleasantness had vanished from her expression. It was now the smile of a predator. She charged forward and slammed a knee hard into the brunette's midsection.

CZJ tried to move aside, but it was a lost cause and the blow struck her squarely. She pitched forward into Christina's waiting arms, coming within a hair of passing out again. As she grimly held on to consciousness, she felt her hated foe twist both of her arms behind her back and hold them there.

The grip may have looked like a lover's embrace, but Christina now had her opponent at her command. Cat's ineffectual efforts to pull free just underscored how close to collapse the brunette really was. Oh yes, this would be fun.

Chris gave her victim a squeeze, forcing the air from her. With her foe's face only inches from her own, she was able to watch as the brunette's eyes lost their focus and began to roll back. The blonde laughed with delight, then relaxed her grip just enough to bring the Cat back from the brink. She wanted her awake for the coup-de-gras.

Awareness slowly returned to CZJ's face, but she refused to struggle any more. She couldn't escape, so she wouldn't give her foe the satisfaction of trying to.

"What's the matter, honey?" Christina taunted. "Had enough already? Well, I guess at your age you might need a nap. Give me a goodnight kiss, then…" With that, she clamped her lips over the brunette's, and again tightened her grip. She held it for several seconds, savoring the sensation as her hated enemy gradually went slack, smothered in her grip.

Catherine hung limp in her foe's grip as the blonde raised her head in triumph. She basked in her long-awaited revenge, eyes sparkling. The ABA members nearby broke into spontaneous applause.

"Why, thank you ladies!" Chris laughed. "Let me just finish one more thing here, and we'll be on our way."

CZJ was a dead weight as Christina pulled her up onto her shoulders. She moved to the center of the entrance ramp, making sure that everyone present had a good view, then brutally drove her prey into the steel surface with Cat's own Death Valley Driver.

The Crippler lay completely unmoving, a trickle of blood seeping from the corner of her mouth. Christina spit on the fallen woman, then gestured and the ABA fell into rank behind her as they sauntered from the arena.

With the ABA gone, the attendants rushed to help the discarded brunette. As her still form was carried away on the stretcher, many in the audience wondered if they had seen the end of the Cat at last.

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TO CATHERINE ZETA JONES
TO JENNIFER ANISTON