PARIS HILTON VS JESSICA SIMPSON

By ?????????????

Both blondes had something to prove.

Paris, following her first-ever defeat... courtesy of Scarlett Johansson... was anxious to return to her winning ways and reestablish her rightful dominance over the catfighting scene. The best way to do that, she felt, was to face someone she had beaten in the past and administer a fresh humiliating defeat.

For her intended victim, she chose Jessica... who thus had her own incentive to win. Following her split with husband Nick Lachey, Simpson was determined to advance her catfighting career and prove her independence. Beating Hilton would achieve that... and gain the songbird a much-desired measure of revenge for her previous loss to the heiress.

Both women possessed two of the finest pairs of legs on the circuit, and each intended to prove her gams the superior. A best of three falls match was arranged, and the two blondes garbed themselves in lace teddies and panties to best show off both their femininity and their bodies.

The first fall went to Paris, who after nearly fifteen minutes of wild back- and-forth battling between the two, managed to lock Jessica into a Hammerlock/Chokehold combination that forced the singer to tap out or risk being KO'd and losing the entire match.

The second round saw the blondes engage in a duel of kicks, each using her sculpted legs to lash out and punish the other. This contest ultimately ended in stalemate, but Simpson managed to seize the advantage by shifting tactics and snaring her rival in a Boston Crab, leaning backward to the point that it seemed as if Hilton's spine would break! Paris held out far longer than most, but ultimately she had to submit the fall.

For the third and deciding round, neither battler could afford any mistakes. They tore into one another with furious abandon, each intent on destroying the other. Paris aimed much of her attack on her foe's breasts... slapping, punching, squeezing and twisting them. Jessica focused on Hilton's taut abdomen with punches, kneelifts and clawholds, trying to break the billionaire's spirit through the pain to her belly.

Ultimately... perhaps inevitably... however, the end came down to a test of leg power. Paris had managed to clamp her thighs around Jessica's head, but Simpson had retaliated by locking her legs around Hilton's waist. And thus their bizarre struggle was waged, with the two blondes looking like a single beast trying to destroy itself.

Minute after minute, each beauty poured every last vestige of power into her legs, desperate to crush the other into defeat. Slowly, it seemed as if the tide was turning in Hilton's favor, as Jessica's sobbing cries grew more distressed. Through gritted teeth, the heiress hissed, "You're finished, bitch! You will worship me... you will call me your mistress!" Then, part command and part plea, Paris shouts, "GIVE UP, DAMNIT!"

There was no sound from either woman for several heartbeats... but then, one blonde gives forth a great groan of resignation. The strain of the duel had simply proven to be too much for Hilton, her threats proving now to have been little more than empty bravado. Legs going limp, she involuntarily releases Jessica from her headscissors. And although Simpson looks as if she can barely remain conscious following the pain she has just endured, a look of new hope sparks in her eyes. Tightening her body vice even more, she brings forth a wail of anguish from Paris... who then slaps her hand at the floor to signal her submission.

"No," Jessica says. "Say it!"

"I... I give up," Hilton gasps between sobs.

"What else?" the singer snarls. "Whose legs rule?"

"Ooooooooohhhhh," moans the heiress. "Go...go to hell, you w- worthless... peon! Uuuhhhhhhhhhhh!"

The victorious blond would like nothing better than to keep her scissors locked on for hours more, until she forces the arrogant debutante to beg her for mercy, but now her legs begin to tremble, and against her will, they lose all strength and fall limp. She had managed to outlast her rival by mere moments... and had she not, Paris might well have been able to regain command and win the battle.

Jessica wants badly to rise up and plant her foot triumphantly upon her beater foe, but her body rebels. Instead, the victor is gently carried from the field of battle, as is the loser. And as they depart, both warriors know that this match settled nothing...that there must be a final reckoning between them someday, and soon.

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