ALYSSA MILANO vs JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT

VS

Alyssa Milano and Jennifer Love Hewitt began their training the week prior to the Super Bowl. As a matter of fact both women were invited to, and attended Devin Hester's Red Bull Pre Super Bowl party. The girls had a friendly chat and no one knew that in a few short days these two women would be trying to tear each other apart.

Jennifer relied more on film strategy than physical preparation for this fight. Jenn has been fighting almost constantly the past 12 months and wished to preserve as much energy as possible for fight night. Jenn harbored no illusions of a quick win over Alyssa. Jenn was preparing for a long grueling match possibly lasting an hour with much give and take. As Jenn watched films of Alyssa going back to the early part of this decade, and even into the mid 1990's, Jenn thought she saw a flaw in her opponent. Alyssa's timing was off just by an instant in her last fights. A punch that in 1997 would have destroyed an opponent did not appear to have the same power in 2009. Alyssa commonly dispatched opponents within 2 minutes back in the day. Today Alyssa seemed to rely on experience and savvy to win.

Jenn decided to crowd Alyssa during the match. Jenn thought she could withstand Alyssa's barrage of punching. Also Jenn noticed that Alyssa was getting hit more often. Certainly the defense was not what it was back in the day, and catfighters that did not hit like Jenn were getting through Alyssa'a defense. Jenn would fight as she always did. Jenn would attack, attack, attack. Jenn did plenty of training to increase her endurance. She did numerous wind sprints, leg squats, bicep presses, also her diet was void of processed food and dairy. The limited ring work involved increasing her use of her left hand. The last few fights, the left was not needed, it would be needed against Alyssa.

Alyssa Milano knew that her best catfighting days were in the past. After all, 16 years of catfights does take its toll. Her punching power, while still very effective, lacked the dynamic feature of years past. Alyssa would have to compensate for this diminished capacity by summoning her vast experience. Alyssa still commanded ring presence; although Jennifer would hardly be intimidated. Alyssa decided to spend the majority of her preparation on the mats. Alyssa was sparring with Kelly Monaco, an up and coming catfighter. Kelly was a winner on Dancing With the Stars, and a star on General Hospital. Kelly was the same size as Jennifer, and possibly quicker than Hewitt.

Alyssa thought that Jenn had a pattern of attack. Jenn would like to get in close and use her devastating right, left, right slap to the face to stun an opponent, and then grab the breasts or attack the loins of an opponent. This strategy resulted in Jenn's long win streak. Alyssa was impressed with the accuracy and speed and power of Jennifer Love Hewitt. "If I could only get 10 years younger for fight night", thought Alyssa. Milano knew that Jennifer Love Hewitt was a confident skilled fighter. Alyssa also knew that should Jenn be defeated, Alyssa would rank among the Raquel Welch's and Martine Bestwick's. In other words victory meant immortality.

February 21st was a special day for Jennifer. The 21st day of February marked her 31st birthday. This day would also be the day she would fight the legendary Alyssa Milano for the coveted lightweight catfight championship. Jennifer woke at 6 AM that morning, bundled in a thick down comforter at one of the glitzy Las Vegas hotels. Jennifer laid in bed, trying to visualize the fight. Jennifer knew this fight would not be a 30 second conquest of a Jennifer Anniston or Eva Longoria, or even a fight she controlled from start to finish like the Teri Hatcher fight. This fight would be similar to Jenn's epic win over Christina Aguilera; long and brutal, with many ups and downs.

Jennifer tried to stay in her routine this day, eating at the same time, eating the same food, going to the gym for a quick swim, and watching film on Alyssa's most recent matches. Finally at 4pm Jenn switched off the film, ordered a light 5 PM dinner from room service and took an hour of yoga. Jenn was not caught up in the Milano mystique. Yes 10 years ago Alyssa was literaly untouchable. She had fights where great catfighters could not lay a hand on her tight tiny body. Alyssa would then methodically slice up an opponent. The wails of the hapless opponents would go echoing through the gym. "Good thing this in not 2000", thought Jenn. Alyssa is a step slower. Jenn also thought that through Aylssa's 15 years of dominating of the catfight scene, Alyssa had never be tested. Jenn was confident that would change tonight.

Dinner was eaten, and then a limo to the gym. A 30 minute drive to the site, meaning Jenn arrived at 6:30. Jenn got a brief massage, and then greeted well wishers. It was now 7:30. This was the time of the customary meeting of the 2 combatants. Alyssa arrived in her trademark skin tight black leather pants and a black leather halter. Jenn though "if this bitch is trying to intimidate me, it ain't working." Both fighters being good friends hugged, and wished each other luck.

Finally at 8:30 Jenn changes into her fighting gear: two black sports bras, form fitting black bike pants, red cobra gloves, and black wrestling boots. At 8:45, Jenn made her way to the ring seconded by Lucy Liu. The roar was tremendous from the crowd. Jenn's heartbeat quickened, her throat constricted, her mouth got dry. "Get these final minutes over, let's get this on." At 8:55 Alyssa Milano entered the ring, holding the belt over her head. The crowd noise was enormous. Jenn's ear rang as Alyssa paraded around the ring. There was Eva Longoria jumping up and down rooting for Alyssa. "Figures", thought Jenn. At 8:59 both fighters were called to mid ring. Final instructions are given, cobra gloves touched, then back to the corners. At 9pm the bell rang.

Alyssa Milano woke around 7am on February 21, 2010. She immediately jumped out of bed, and showered. She called room service and thought about this epic day. "If I win tonight, and I should, I will be the best catfighter in history. Screw that Raquel Welch junk. Geez my record is 156-1. Did Raquel EVER do that? No. Did she EVER fight week after week, against trained catfighters? NO! Well after tonight, there will be no argument."

Alyssa ate her breakfast of fruits, and cereal, read the sports page and thought about the fight. It's great that Jennifer has improved so much. "This win will cement my legacy." Alyssa was still thinking that Jenn was a media creation. Heck, she barely beat Gwen Stefani. Eva Longoria and Teri Hatcher were over the hill. Jennifer Aniston? C'mon. Plus Alyssa felt her training with soap opera star Kelly Monaco was very good. Kelly really pressed Alyssa. Alyssa felt that she was in the best fighting shape since the early part of the decade.

The day was going slow, very slow. A light lunch, followed by a walk with Kelly Monaco to go over strategy. Kelly was concerned about Jenn's hand speed. "She is really fast and powerful Alyssa, but she always leads with her right. You can counter with your left. This is gonna be tough Alyssa. Just do that and play to your mystique."

Alyssa smiled. Her mystique. Yes fighters entered the ring confident against Alyssa, until Alyssa and her powerful body entered, and the other catfighter realized Alyssa was in the ring and would fall apart emotionally. Next Alyssa would make sure they fell apart physically.

"Well", said Alyssa, "letís see Jennifer at the weight in." Dinner was at 5:30, At 6:45, Kelly and Alyssa took a limo to the stadium. Alyssa meet with Jenn at 7:30. Both fighters hugged, wished each other well, and said all the right things. Alyssa was slightly off kilter. Jenn was very relaxed and composed. "That's funny" she thought. Alyssa heard the crowd roar at 8:45 as Jenn entered the ring. "Time to become immortal" thought Alyssa as she went to the ring a few moments later. Letting Jenn stew in the ring, Alyssa paraded around the ring with her belt raised. Alyssa chanced a look at Jenn. Jenn still looked calm, and that damn Asian Lucy Liu with that taunting 'girl you're gonna get your ass whipped smile'. At 8:59 came the final instructions, taping of the gloves, and return to corners. The bell rang at 9pm. Immortality awaited Alyssa.

At precisely 9pm the bell rang starting the fight. Both fighters were so amped up that they ran at full speed toward the center of the ring. The result was rather comical, as both combatants slammed into each other, knocking each fighter back toward her respective corner. The end result of this comical start was that both fighters eliminated any butterflies that they may have experienced.

Jenn straightened up and walked with a menacing purpose toward the champion. Jenn extended her left hand trying to pull Alyssa luxurious hair, but Alyssa was not cooperating. Alyssa moved her upper body 1/4 turn to the left and Jenn's attempt was foiled. Alyssa attempted a counter, by trying to slap Hewitt's right cheek, but Jenn raised her forearm to absorb Alyssa's strike. Now both fighters circled. The concentration level of each fighter was exceptionally high.

Again, Jenn tried to strike first. Jenn moved in toward Alyssa, trying to grab her shoulders and push Alyssa backward. Alyssa was not a 15 year champion, due to luck. She had seen this move countless times and countered by quickly and forcibly raising her forearms up, knocking Jenn's arms away. This created an opening. Jenn's hands were away from her body allowing Alyssa to slap Jenn's right cheek with her right hand. The crack of hand hitting flesh echoed throughout the auditorium. "UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" groaned Jenn, then Jenn stepped back one step. Quickly Alyssa was on Jenn. Alyssa's hands went to Jenn's boobs and twisted Jenn's large breasts left and right. Jenn howled in pain and slapped a right-left combination toward Alyssa's face causing Alyssa to back off.

Early in the fight Alyssa felt good. She effectively countered 2 attacks from Hewitt. "No doubt", thought Alyssa, "Jenn's confidence has to be shaken." Now Alyssa decided to attack. The trademark right left slap to the face was attempted. Again Jenn's quick reflexes came to her rescue. Quickly Jenn raised her arms and Alyssa's slaps hit only forearms not cheeks.

Alyssa was surprised by Jenn's quick reflexes, as was the audience. Jenn smiled sweetly at Alyssa. Then Jenn taunted Alyssa by asking, "Is that all you got little girl?" Alyssa stayed poised. Standing flat footed about 3 feet from Jennifer, Alyssa lashed out a left hand slap toward Jen"s left cheek. CRACK!!! As hand hit the flesh of Jennifer left cheekbone. Jenn's head turned 1/4 turn left, and Alyssa rushed in toward Jenn. Alyssa's hands went again to Jenn's unprotected breast. Squeezing and kneading those big young firm its of Jenn. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" screamed Jenn.

Jenn fought back as she got both hands in Alyssa's hair and shook Alyssa head left and right. Now Alyssa howled as the hair was torn from her scalp. Jenn then raise her right knee and slammed that knee into Alyssa's kitty. Now Alyssa really howled. "YEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWw". Dropping her hands from Jenn's breasts, Alyssa retreated, with Jenn in full pursuit.

The lightweight catfighters in the audience were loving this match. They were watching these two tiny dynamos tear each other apart. Even if Jennifer won, the punishment would make her vulnerable.

As Alyssa retreated Jenn attacked. She tried a right hand slap toward Alyssa, but she wasn't close enough. The slap hit nothing but air. Alyssa ran toward Jenn now. Alyssa slammed her tight muscular body into an equally tight muscular body of Jennifer Love Hewitt. Alyssa was a bit concerned as she tied up with Jenn, she did not think Jenn was this fit.

The 2 combatants fought in close quarters now. Just a few moments into the fight and both fighters were drenched in sweat. The fighters exchanged some vicious right left slaps. Neither fighter backed away. The slaps landed with full force causing each fighter to howl, and the front row patrons were showered in sweat flying off the slapped fighters.

Both fighters had cause for concern at this point in the match. Alyssa had seriously underestimated Jenn's physical shape. Ms. Hewitt was put together. Alyssa would try and stay away, try to avoid the body clinches. Jennifer seriously underestimated Alyssa's hand speed. Jenn was getting hit way to much. She did not know how many more slaps she could endure. Both fighters stepped back. After deep inhalations and exhalations and again the fight was on.

Jenn got to within 2 feet of Alyssa and raised her right hand to slap at Alyssa. Alyssa saw this before and countless other times on tape. Alyssa tried to grasp Jenn's right wrist with her left hand. Before Alyssa could grasp Jenn's right wrist, Jenn's left hand slammed into Alyssa left cheekbone. Alyssa's right hand fell away from Jenn's right hand, allowing Jenn's powerful right hand an open avenue to slap Alyssa's right cheekbone. CRACK!!!! Alyssa's eyes rolled upward in her head for a brief instant. The audience gasped and stood in unison. Then Jenn's left slammed into Alyssa's left cheekbone again. Kelly Monaco was yelling to Alyssa, "Tie her up! Tie her up Alyssa."

A left right left combination and now another powerful right slap to Alyssa's face. This slap was devastating to Alyssa. Saliva flew from her mouth, her body twitched, and she stumbled forward into Jennifer's arms. Jennifer caught the crippled warrior. Jenn then put her left hand in Alyssa's thick glossy hair. Jenn straightened Alyssa up, still hand in hair and slapped the unprotected face of the champion with her right hand repeatedly. Later ring side observers would say there were at least 15 blows to Alyssa's unprotected face. Each blow, regardless of how many sounded like a .44 magnum as Jennifer Love Hewitt right hand slapped the unprotected face of Alyssa Milano.

Finally, Jenn took her hand from Alyssa's hair. Alyssa was sputtering, disoriented, and seriously hurt. Eva Longoria and Teri Hatcher were watching in stone silence as the woman who ended their catfighting careers closed in on the lightweight championship.

Virtually defenseless, Alyssa hands at he sides, her reactions now slowed, Jennifer balled her left fist and slammed her left fist into Alyssa Milano's kitty. Amazingly enough, this was the first time anyone had managed to attack Alyssa Milano's loins. Predictably, since this private area, had never been attacked, the sensitivity of her kitten was very high. Jenn's left fist slammed into Alyssa's kitty the way a torpedo slams through the hull of a ship. Explosions rocked Alyssa's body and Alyssa went down.

The audience stood as Alyssa pitched forward falling face first to the mat. Raquel Welch stood, applauding Jennifer Love Hewitt, thinking that if Jenn wins, her legendary status as the best catfighter ever would be safe. Most catfighters were stunned at how easily Jennifer was dominating the champion.

"C'mon let me help you up Alyssa." As Jenn grabbed the back of Alyssa's hair and easily hauled the petite champ to her feet. Now Jenn walked Alyssa to the left corner turn buckle.

"Stop it Hewitt!" screamed Eva Longoria "No staking."

Jenn smiled sweetly at Eva. "Yeah, right Eva" Jenn draped Alyssa's arms over the top rope. Then Jenn placed each of Alyssa legs out of the ring, behind the 2nd rope. Alyssa, like so many other opponents of Jennifer Love Hewitt was now defenseless. Cameras were going off like crazy to record this scene.

Jenn's right hand grabbed Alyssa's cheeks similar to a 1st grade teacher cupping the cheeks of a naughty child. Jenn asked Alyssa in a loud clear voice. "Do you submit?"

Alyssa Milano remained silent. Jenn relaxed her grip and viciously attacked the champion's breasts. Pulling tugging twisting the breast and nipples of Alyssa Milano. Alyssa's screams rocketed through the arena. Then Jenn slapped Alyssa face with a vicious right left combination. Again Alyssa refused to submit when asked. Jenn then inserted her right index finger, then her middle finder and ring finger into Alyssa's kitty. The Screams from Alyssa made everyone very uncomfortable as Jennifer slammed her hand into the clitoris of her opponent. Finally wild eyed and mad with pain Alyssa cried out "I SUBMIT! I SUBMIT!"

Jenn backed away. It took a few seconds to register, then Jenn flashed her pretty, innocent smile and raised both arms over her head. "YES YES YES I am the champion." Alyssa Milano's dreams of immortality were dissolved like a snowflake in the Mojave Desert. The crowd stood and applauded the new lightweight catfighting champion JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT


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