JENNY McCARTHY VS CATHERINE ZETA JONES
VS
Jenny McCarthy (57%) destroys Catherine Zeta Jones (43%) The blood began boiling even before the bell had rung. During the pre-match interview, Cat the Crippler proclaimed that Jenny is not 'Bad Ass', but rather 'Fat Ass'. Further, she was eagerly awaiting her chance to prove what kind of 'Candy Ass' McCarthy really was. During her interview, McCarthy vowed that "She's not Cat the Crippler, she is Pussy Cat, and tonight I will show the world just how much of a pussy she is."
The bad blood between these battling bad girls went deeper than the pre-match insults to their respective nicknames. Cat had never forgotten how much Jenny had celebrated with Melissa Joan Hart after the young teenage witch had embarrassed Cat in her last match. * Jenny's celebration was not out of any love for Melissa, but rather the fact that she had never forgiven Cat for what she had done to her friend Christina. **
Falling lower in the latest rankings, Jenny was required to walk to the ring first. Sporting red, white and blue shorts decorated like an American flag and a white shirt, she stepped out of the dressing room and into the arena. As she entered the arena, she was surprised to find that Cat's fan club had bought out the seats around ringside. There were signs of 'Fat Ass McCarthy' and "Jenny is a Candy Ass" ringing the place.
As Jenny approached the ring, she got into shouting matches with fans at ringside. Taking advantage of this distraction, Cat came rushing behind her and blindsided Jenny with a roll of quarters held tightly in a fist. The shot to the back of Jenny's head sent her to her knees, much to the delight of Cat's fan club. Grabbing a steel chair from ringside, Cat slowly came up behind Jenny. "Time for Pain, Candy-Ass", she said as she brought the chair down hard on Jenny's back.
Jenny fell hard to the floor. Cat began to bring the chair down on Jenny's back repeatedly. The crowd began a count… ONE… TWO…. THREE… FOUR! Sensing an easy night, Cat threw the chair to the side and raised her hands in victory. Bending over the injured blond, Cat began to taunt her. "Get up, Candy Ass! Look at the Candy Ass… can't even get into the ring!"
As Jenny pulled herself to her hands and knees, Cat began to kick her in the ass. "It's going to be a long night, McCarthy! I'm already kicking your ass!"
Grabbing Jenny by her golden locks, Cat threw her into the ring. The crowd cheered Cat as she got into the ring to continue her assault on Jenny. Cat threw Jenny into the ropes and picked her up in a crushing bear hug. The crowd was made delirious by the obvious pain showing on Jenny's face, and Cat's pleasure at the sound of Jenny groaning in pain.
As the referee asked Jenny if she wanted to give up, Cat continued her verbal assault. "That's right, Candy Ass. All you have to do is surrender, and it can all be over." But surrender wasn't part of Jenny's plans on this night. She used her right hand to pull Cat's head back, and used her left hand to poke Cat in the eyes.
Jenny landed on the mat as Cat grabbed her eyes in pain. Unfortunately for Jenny, the attack on Cat's eyes proved only to be a small distraction and not enough to turn the tide of this battle. After a few moments of rubbing her eyes, Cat came over and returned the favor with a rake to Jenny's eyes. Jenny screamed out in pain, as Cat tried to dig her fingers into Jenny's baby blues. Jenny fell to her hands and knees, rubbing her eyes to try and gain her sight back.
"This one is no challenge," Cat yelled to her fans with a big grin on her face. "Lets have some fun with her." With that, Cat grabbed Jenny's shirt and ripped it off her. She then went over to the ropes and tossed the torn shirt to her fans at ringside. "You want her shorts??" she asked her rabid fans. The eruption of cheers indicated that they did, and Cat was all too happy to oblige them. She went over and ripped the shorts off Jenny to the delight of the crowd. Repeating what she had done with the shirt, she then tossed it out to a waiting crowd.
Jenny was trying to take advantage of the time Cat was spending playing to the crowd by shaking the cobwebs loose from the vicious assault at the beginning of the fight. Cat turned around just in time to see Jenny rise to her feet, and send her back hard to the mat with a vicious clothesline.
"Oh no you don't! I'm not done with my fun yet," Cat yelled. She pulled Jenny up by the hair and brought her back against the ropes. Instead of flinging her into the ropes opposite, she tied Jenny up in the ropes. Jenny was trapped and helpless. Jenny grunted in pain as Cat delivered a hard kick to the stomach for good measure before going over to the ring announcer and demanding the microphone.
The microphone was given over by the wide-eyed announcer as he stared at the bared body of Jenny McCarthy.
"Yeah! Whacha gotta say now, Candy Ass?" Cat yelled into the microphone. Her beautiful brown curls and waves flowing freely around her round face. The tight black vinyl pants fit her like a second skin as she brought her leg up to make contact with Jenny's middle.
"Now we see what you're all about. Now the whole world can see your fat, candy ass!"
Jenny struggled to get free from the ropes. The momentary rest had done her some good, but she was still powerless to escape.
"Yeah, struggle for me! Show me how superior I am!" Cat turned and made V's with her fingers for victory as she played to the screaming crowd. Toward the back she could see some McCarthy fans giving their all to try to support Jenny, but they were drowned out by the magnitude of Crippler fans.
Cat twirled around, playing to as many fans as she could, and her white shirt billowed around her. The button up shirt was left open to revel the black tube top worn under. She was definitely in her element.
Her fans started to throw things onto the stage and Cat turned and kicked Jenny in the stomach again a split second before she knocked Jenny's feet from under her, making her hang by her arms. Jenny groaned with the pain.
Another of the items thrown up was an electric razor. Getting an idea Cat threw the mic and grabbed the razor, turning it on and heading towards Jenny with a menacing look on her usually pretty face.
Jenny looked up at Cat and saw her intentions. Jenny started kicking wildly, trying to stop Cat's advances. Cat grabbed her legs and slid them under Jenny, putting some weight on the ropes to make Jenny kneel, rather than giving her the opportunity to fight back.
Keeping the ropes positioned to where Jenny had no leverage and could not get off her knees, Cat kneeled down and started to run the razor over the curls between Jenny's legs, none too gently.
Jenny grimaced as her longer curls were pulled into the razor and her perfectly sculpted shave was ruined by Cat's jagged swipes with the razor.
The crowd went wild. They left their seats and applauded Cat's ingeniousness.
"Crippler! Crippler! Crippler!" The crowd chanted.
Jenny's head lulled forward, wanting to keep her pain away from Cat as much as possible. But Cat had other things in mind. She slowly started to move the vibrating razor downward. Jenny gasped in some air as the area between her legs started to pulsate with the vibrations. Cat cackled in her ear as she realized she was making Jenny wet. She grabbed a generous helping of McCarthy's hair and pulled her head back so that she had to look at Cat. Jenny's face tinged pink as she realized Cat was trying to embarrass her. Cat looked smug as she continued her jeering.
"You lost. I proved you're nothing but a candy ass. You washed up, bleach blond, sleeping your way to the top, phony actress!"
The taunts continued as Cat screamed insults into Jenny's face, but Jenny couldn't hear them. The pounding of her heart and the vibrating of her body was keeping her totally occupied. She realized Cat thought the pink in her face was from embarrassment. Stupid bitch. You don't get to be one of the most celebrated women on Playboy by being shy. You don't make porno's and still get to by shy. Jenny knew the pink in her cheeks was pure anger. Through the sound of her heart pounding in her ears she heard the faint chant from the back of the arena.
"Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!" It was faint, but she could hear it. She couldn't let them down; she couldn't let Cat get the better of her.
So she smiled.
Cat looked at her, astonished.
"What are you smiling for? You lost! Or are you just getting off on it all? You like to be the little slut, don't you? You'd like to come for everyone, wouldn't you?"
Jenny promptly spit in Cat's face and then quickly brought her head forward, butting Cat's head painfully, making Cat let her go and stumble backwards. The microphone and the razor skidded across the mat. Jenny quickly slipped her legs on the outside of the ring and bent her body forward so that her arms slid out of their hold.
"Jenny!"
Jenny briefly turned toward the sound of her name. One of her fans had made their way up and tossed her a tee shirt. Crippler fans hurriedly tried to intercept it before it reached Jenny, but it landed safely in Jenny's hands and was slipped over her head in moments. Flashing her bright smile at the fan she turned back to the ring and slid in under the lowest rope.
Sweeping Cat's legs, Jenny was able to get a struggling Cat on her back.
"And I thought cats were supposed to land on their feet!" Jenny yelled.
The fans in the back of the room cheered Jenny on as Jenny slammed Cat's head down on the mat a few times, dazing her. Jenny slapped Cat across the face, taking advantage of the brunette's momentary stunned state of mind. Just to make things fair, Jenny ripped the tube top down, causing the flimsy material to rip completely off from the force of Jenny's tug.
Soon the pants were peeled off and flung.
"You're no crippler! I'm still here, bitch! Whacha gonna do about that?" Jenny said, proudly as she stood over Cat. Kicking her in the ribs only elicited a groan of pain from Cat.
Jenny reached down and grabbed Cat by the hair, pulling her to the side of the ring.
"What do you think of your crippler now?" she yelled to the Cat fans who were shocked by the turnaround.
Jenny led Cat around the ring by her hair, forcing Cat to crawl around on her hands and knees. Some of Cat's fans were begging her to get up, but Cat was struggling to keep up with Jenny's fast paced loops around the ring. Cat started to show signs of fatigue. It only made Jenny speed up and the Crippler started to lose momentum. Cat gritted her teeth as she felt her hair being tugged harder as The American Bad Ass led her around the ring. The humiliating run around the ring ended with a hard head smash into the lower turnbuckle.
Refusing to let Cat rest, Jenny quickly pulled her up by her hair, threw her into the ropes and delivered a perfect drop kick to Cat's chin. As Cat lay on her back dazed, Jenny walked over, grabbed the microphone and the electric razor that sat beside it. She then stood over Cat.
"Now, let's see. What were you calling me?" She yelled into the microphone. "Oh yeah, Candy-Ass." Jenny plopped down quickly, straddling Cat's head, sitting her ass right on Cat's face. "Well candy's sweet, baby, lets see how sweet you find my ass!" She yelled as Cat struggled beneath her. The fans in the back of the arena erupted. Cat's fans were all stunned into quiet with the exception being the fans that were begging her to get up, to throw Jenny off of her.
Jenny quickly grabbed Cat's wrists and pinned them under her legs as she ground her ass into Cat's face before allowing her to take a breath of air. But air was fleeting as McCarthy's ass found its way back to Cat's face.
"Now how sweet is that?" Jenny yelled. "You wanted me to get off before, how about now?" Jenny laughed as Cat struggled. "Now show me how superior I am. Struggle for ME!"
Cat did struggle. Not because she wanted to prove Jenny to be superior, but she couldn't breath with Jenny's ass on her face. Thankfully, Jenny eased up and looked down at her.
"Now, what do you say?" Jenny put the microphone down by Cat's face, waiting.
"Candy-Ass!" Cat yelled into the mic. Her fans cheered as she didn't give up. Jenny only laughed.
"You asked for it!" She lowered herself down onto Cat's face again, making Cat struggle for breath again. "But now I'm not letting up until you stick your tongue in my ass!"
"Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!" Her fans yelled, seemingly louder than before.
Jenny flashed a smile to all the Cat fans that booed her and yelled jeers at her.
Cat bucked upwards, hoping to throw Jenny off balance, but she was firmly placed atop Cat's face. Cat knew if she wanted to breath she was going to have to do as she was told. Quickly she stuck her tongue out and licked Jenny's ass.
"Oh yeah, baby, just like that!" Jenny yelled into the mic. When she lifted off of Cat's face to give her breath, she knew the redness of her face was not just the lack of air, but a blush as well.
"Now…what am I?"
Cat looked Jenny in the eyes for a moment before she spoke in a low tone, "Bad-Ass."
"I can't hear you, Kitty, what am I?"
"Bad-Ass!" Cat said hurriedly.
"Much better."
Cat waited for Jenny to get off of her. She didn't.
"Now, what else were you calling me?" Jenny smiled down to Cat.
Cat's eyes widened.
"Oh yeah, I think it was Fat-Ass, wasn't it?"
Cat shook her head, silently begging Jenny no to go there.
"Well, one of us has a fat ass. Which one, Kitty?" Jenny put the microphone down by Cat's mouth again. Unwilling to say she herself had a fat ass she hesitated.
"You do!" Cat yelled. So she'd probably have to lick her ass again, but she didn't care. She wasn't doing to be on the bottom forever, and she had plans for Jenny when she got up.
"You just never learn do you?" Jenny smiled cruelly. "Let's play a game. It's called Guess My Weight. I'll sit on your face until that answer changes!" Jenny sat down, hard on Cat's face, embedding Cat's face deep inside her ass. Cat struggled for a breath. She didn't get a good breath before hand, so she knew she wouldn't be able to hold it forever.
Jenny laughed at the muffled protests of Cat. She waited a long moment before she finally pulled up a little.
"Now who has the fat ass?"
"You're a fat bitch!" Cat yelled angrily into the microphone.
"Wrong answer!" Jenny plopped down again, staying down longer than before. When Jenny rose this time Cat was panting hard for air.
Jenny silently held the microphone down to Cat's mouth. The arena seemed to grow quiet and the huffs and puffs for air could be heard from the speakers littered around the place. Cat took a moment to breath, her head feeling light and dizzy.
"I'm…a…fat ass." Cat breathed into the mic. The crowd erupted. Even Crippler fans were cheering for Jenny. It was obvious who the winner was.
"And now for the complete surrender."
Before Cat knew what she meant by that, Jenny's pussy was pushed into her face. Cat started to protest but she couldn't be heard over the din of the fans screaming for Jenny.
"Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!"
Cat squeezed her eyes shut as she felt Jenny's hips thrusting in time with the chants.
"Jenny! Jenny! Jenny!"
Cat struggled to get free. She pulled at her arms but she was too tired and too weak from lack of air to have enough strength to pull free.
Jenny's eyes were locked onto Cat's face as she waited for the surrender to come.
"Surrender to me!"
Cat's eyes flew open and the chants sounded faster and Jenny's hips kept perfect time.
Finally Cat cried out, "I give up!"
Hearing those sweet words Jenny came on Cat's face, further humiliating her fallen opponent.
Energized by the win, Jenny bounded up, her arms in the air, celebrating with her screaming fans. Not a person was cheering for the fallen Crippler who lay on the mat, panting for fresh air. The bell sounded, making Jenny leap into the air with excitement. Her golden locks bounced around her face as she flashed her winning smile to the crowd, blowing kisses to them as they cheered her.
The announcer came up on the stage and grabbed Jenny's wrist, flinging it into the air, signifying once and for all her win.
American Bad Ass feels the love tonight
Cat's in need of a "pick me up" from her fans
BACK TO THE CELEBRITIES
TO JENNY McCARTHY
TO CATHERINE ZETA JONES
* MJH pounds the Cat
** Cat Cripples Christina
