STONE RAGE SUPER BOWL XLII BASH!
LINDSAY LOHAN VS TRACI BINGHAM
Just a normal day in La La Land for the rich and sexy. Socialites, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian are shopping for jewelry before going to Arizona for Super Bowl XLII. The storeowners have cleared the store of all costumers for the celebrities. Their bodyguards keep the paparazzi outside, but allow them to get plenty of photos through the window. Kim sees Paris talking with a spooky voice on her cell phone. "What are you doing Paris?" Kim asks after Paris hangs up.
Paris looks startled by the question at first, then broke, "I guess its okay to tell you, but you've got to promise to not tell anyone." Kim nodded her agreeance, then instinctively moves near Paris to hear the big secret. "Lindsay and I used black magic to put Britney Spears and Melissa Joan Hart under our control"
Kim's mouth dropped in disbelief before saying. "Paris, I thought we were not going to start getting high until right before the party."
"Seriously!" Paris says looking very serious. "We bought a magic dildo from a guy named Drake. He says whoever you fuck with it, will be under your control and it worked, Britney and Melissa will do anything we tell them."
"BULLSHIT! If that is true, then why is Britney acting so crazy lately...." Kim starts while looking at Paris who smiles back at her knowingly, "Paris no... You've been making her do all that crazy shit? Shaving her head? Attacking paparazzi? You fucking evil bitch, why?" Kim asks as Paris returns every question with a proud head nod.
"Because of Stone Rage" Paris answers. "He won't let me and Lindsay enter his catfight league, so we will destroy is biggest star, so he'll have no choice but to beg me and Lindsay to join."
"Paris you're crazy!" Kim answers in disbelief, "If you really wanted in his league, all you had to do was ask me." Kim takes out her cell phone, "Like duhhh! I got this." she adds as she searches for his number in her cell phone and hits send.
"Kim we've been trying to get in for years now, We've offered money and sex, do you think he'll listen to you?" Lindsay asks with a chuckle.
"Yeah, there is nothing you can do anything." Paris adds.
"Hey Ragie, it's Kim... He he he, yeah that Kim." Kardashian says with a chuckle. "I'm ready for that contract to join the league", Paris and Lindsay hears cheers from a distance from Rage over the phone. "One thing though, you've got to give my girls, Paris and Lindsay a contract too." Lindsay and Paris then hears explicative coming over the phone from Rage.
"See I told you" Paris comments.
Kim holds up her hand to Paris and mouths "wait", and casually keeps searching for jewelry through the store. "Yeah I know but..." then Kim is interrupted by more loud talking from the other end. After a while Kim says, "I know she is but..." followed by more loud talking. Then "Okay no problem" by Kim who then mouths something to the sales clerk about a jewelry item. Finally, there is a lot more of loud talking. "Fine, I'll be there, love you too sweetie" Kim finishes before hanging up her phone.
"See I told you he hates us." Paris gloats.
"The contracts will be delivered to your homes tomorrow." Kim calmly reports. She picks up a pair of ear rings and puts them to her ears and asks, "Do you like these?".
Paris and Lindsay stand amazed. "Wait a minute, we've been trying to get in the league for years and you get it done with one ten minute phone call?" Paris says dumbfounded.
"Yeah" Kim says with a proud smile. "I guess you don't have the negotiating tools that I have." Kim adds with a smile, while shaking her amazingly large hips. Paris and Lindsay give each other a high five and starts celebrating their friend's accomplishment. Kim mentions, "Oh yeah, he said something about you having a match in a month Paris." Kim mentions as she keeps trying on jewelry as if what she is saying is not that important, although her friends were hanging onto her every word. "You'll be fighting Jessica Simpson." Kim finishes.
Paris pauses and thinks about it for a moment. She and Jessica have been longtime rivals, and have a lot of animosity between each other. Jessica is an experienced competitor, but Paris is much taller. Finally she decides it would be awesome to wipe the mat with the big boobed blonde. "I'll do it." she says.
"Good" Kim adds as she continues her shopping, without a care of the storm of emotions her friends are feeling. "And Lindsay, you'll be fighting Sunday at Rage's Super Bowl party." Kim coolly adds.
"WHAT!" Lindsay exclaims, "But with who? I can't, I'm not prepared!"
"Hell no, can't do it." Paris says trying to find a way out for her friend. "I've got my Super Bowl party, and Lindsay has got to be there. Fifty Cent will be performing. Duh, its the social event of the month."
"Your party is Friday, this party is Sunday, right before kickoff. You're from Long Island, so you'll wear a Eli Manning jersey representing the New York Giants." Kim explains. "Your opponent will wear a Tom Brady Patriot's jersey. Mariah Carey was supposed to do it, but dropped out at the last minute." Paris and Lindesy are still astonished at events of the last fifteen minutes.
"Eli who?" Lindsay starts, "I don't fuck football players like you two, I don't know anything about the Super Bowl. Who am I going to fight too? No, this is a trap to get rid of us from the league." Paris starts agreeing with the panicking Lindsay.
"Just chill out." Kim calms the situation. "Rage doesn't hate you guys. In fact, he has a lot of respect for you and he's sure that you'll both do well in the league. He just thinks that you're a spoiled brat Lindsay, and you're a moraless, win at all cost person Paris, not to mention being drama queens. With the ABA raising hell, he just didn't need anymore headaches." Kim continues, "Look this is a major media opportunity. Everybody in the league and more will be at the party, and this is the only match. You will be the highlight of the party, and if you win, you'll be the hottest thing in the league. Just take the matches, everything will be fine, trust me." Kim reassures to her gals.
Lindsay and Paris both take a deep breath and calm down. "Okay, I'll do it." Lindsay resolves. The media savvy youth knows it will be great for business. Despite being an infamous party girl, she rarely makes bad career moves. "Will you be at ringside with Paris and me." Lindsay asks.
"No", Kim answers definitively. "I'm going to be hanging out with Ragie Poo." Kim says with a wide smile.
A few days later, an old warehouse has been converted for the start studded Stone Rage Super Bowl XLII bash. Bright, flashing lights are everywhere, putting people in the mind of a Las Vegas casino. There is a gigantic TV screen on the wall, so everybody can see the big game. Of course there is a buffet spread with several different types of hot wings, ribs, shrimp and best of all an open bar. In the center of the room, is a red white and blue decorated wrestling ring.
That ring is reserved for the highlight of the evening. Right before game time and after the Alicia Keys performance, is wild catfight between two international superstars. The identity of the beauties has been kept secret. In fact, even the competitors do not know whom they will be facing. One will be a New York native, representing the New York Giants, and the other a New England native representing the New England Patriots. The match will be taped and distributed on Pay Per View later.
After Alicia had rocked the house with her performance, the combatants were summoned to the ring. Lindsay is a ball of nerves. First, Paris is not allowed to be at ringside. She is watching the fight in the first row. Kim is in the balcony sitting on Stone Rage's lap. Second, she was not wearing an Eli Manning jersey, but white body paint that is designed exactly like a #10 Giant's jersey. She wore white bikini briefs with a big Giant's logo on her as to complete her outfit. So much for being able to trust Kim on everything, Lindsay thinks. Finally she tries to shrug away her nerves thinking this is just another performance. She'll just go in there, whip the other bitch's ass and then get drunk with Paris.
Lindsay's little pep talk did nothing to prepare her for the sight in the ring. Across the ring, with a body looking like it was sculpted from stone, Traci Bingham. She wore blue body paint like the New England Patriot #12, Tom Brady jersey, but underneath there are well-defined abdomen muscles, rippling biceps and triceps, and two perfectly round pair of breasts on her chest. Her white bikini briefs stretch to the limit, proudly spreading the New England Patriot logo over her ass. She wore a serious, icy cold expression on her face, forsaking her normal jovial smile. Lindsay swallows hard. She felt just as much of an underdog as her hometown NY Giants against Traci's undefeated New England Patriots.
Stone Rage's new special guest referee, Buffie the Body calls both competitors to the middle of the ring for the pre-match instructions. Lindsay walks forward until standing face to face with Traci. The young blonde puts her hands on her hips and sizes herself up against the Baywatch Amazon. Lindsay remembers she is nearly twenty years younger than Traci, although she could not tell. Traci is only two inches taller, but much thicker. Lindsay did not see many weaknesses in Traci's physique. She gets worried. But maybe from the stupidity of youth, she tells herself she will find a way to win, by hook or by crook.
The whole time Traci stares through Lindsay's gray eyes and through her soul. Traci could see the troubled youth's intimidation, and Traci wanted to maintain that advantage. The New England girl came to fight. Traci took this match to forever get off of the 'B-List' and onto the 'A-List'. If this Baywatch beauty and party girl of the nineties has to take out this Disney Channel party girl of the new generation, then she is going to make it happen. No jokes and smiles today, just bone cracking seriousness.
Buffie sends them back to their corners, to start the battle. The crowd of several hundred celebrities has a hushed anticipation with only an occasional catcall heard over the quietness. Buffie looks at both women, and sees the turmoil of emotions and anticipation in both of them. "This shit's gonna be good", she thinks. "Lil' spoiled ass Lindsay's trying to hang with da big girls. And look at Traci's fake ass trying to act all hard. She knows she wants to run away, that's why she's all puffed up, tryn' ta scare somebody. I hope Lindsay kicks her fake ass." Buffie then shouts, "RING DA BELL, LET'S DO THIS!"
All the nerves and anticipation boils over and Lindsay and Traci fly out of their corners and straight at each other. Traci is so psyched she throws a haymaker at her opponent. Lindsay may be a scared chicken, but she is not a dumb deer in headlights. Her eyes get big but she easily ducks under the wild whiff. Hanging out with Paris teaches one to be an opportunist. Lindsay takes advantage of the miss and kicks Traci in those well toned abs. "Ungh!" Traci grunts and staggers back, but Lindsay's kick only makes Traci madder. Traci immediately goes on the offensive again with another sloppy punch, and big miss. Lindsay quickly retaliates while Traci is still off balance with a stinging combination to the underside of Traci's perfect tits. Traci squeals and backs off with her tits still shaking like Jello.
Feeling really, really good about herself, Lindsay throws her hands in the air, whoops, shimmies and showboats for the audience. A second later Traci plows her down with a running clothesline. Not wanting to make the same mistake as Lindsay, Traci quickly follows with an elbow drop, but the gift of youth allows Lindsay to roll out of the way in the nick of time.
The crowd is deafening cheering this flutter of action. Traci grunts in pain from her awkward landing, but immediately scrambles back to her feet. Before she is fully standing, Lindsay rocks her with a combination to the jaw. Traci quickly straightens up and throws another wide punch, that does not land.
As soon as Traci's whiff passes, Lindsay engages her again with her fist. Many who wondered how and if Lindsay being half of Traci's age would show during this fight are getting their question answered: hand speed. Traci and Lindsay trade punches, but Lindsay's fist are much faster. Although they are throwing punches at the same time, Lindsay's fist lands first, and takes the power and accuracy from Traci's blows. After three minutes of fast, furious, non-stop punches being thrown by both women, Traci is getting killed. The fans marvel at what looks like a soft bodied, Homecoming queen underdog pounding a hard bodied Amazon overwhelming favorite.
As Lindsay's punches slow Traci even further, Lindsay grabs one of Traci's wrist and whips her into the corner. Lindsay charges in behind her and nails Traci in her big pouty lips with an elbow. The collection of Baywatch Beauties seated in the front row release a collective groan for their heroine. Gena Lee Nolin, Angelica Bridges, Erika Eleniak, Alexandra Paul and Stacy Kamano all cheer Traci on demonstratively. Erica shakes her head and questions why Traci is such a large favorite anyway. Lindsay is half her age you know.
While Traci is still swooning, Lindsay grabs Traci's wrist and pulls her out of the corner and does a 360-degree spin and twists Traci's arm. Traci roars in pain and almost drops to her knees. Lindsay twist Traci's arm again and causes Traci to do a flip and land flat on her back. Lindsay lets Traci's arm go then drops her knee on Traci's tits. Traci howls loudly again. Lindsay noticed earlier when she assaulted Traci's tits, it seemed to break her spirit. Her big tits are such a large part of who she is, that by defeating her tits, you defeat her womanhood. After watching Traci on The Surreal Life, Lindsay knows Traci is a highly emotional person. Lindsay figures she can turn Traci into a hysterically crying wreck by matches end. "How cool would that be?" thinks the careless youth, as she drops her knees on Traci's tits four more times.
Then the remarkably goal oriented youth remembers that the goal is to win the match. So Lindsay leaps as high as she could and comes down on top of Traci with a body splash. Lindsay hooks Traci's leg and screams, "Come on, count" to Buffie. Buffie drops down to count, although she did not appreciate Lindsay yelling at her, she will forgive that indiscretion. Traci strongly kicks out at the second count, letting Lindsay and everyone else know she is far from done.
Lindsay takes a deep breath. She sees and hears her old friend and former room mate Raven Symone in the front row jumping up and down and encouraging her. Lindsay draws strength from the support of her friend and grabs Traci's hair and pulls her to her feet. Traci starts fighting back with a few fists to Lindsay's gut. Lindsay quickly rakes her finger nails across Traci's eyes to end her torment.
Taking advantage of the situation, Lindsay grabs Traci's arm and whips her hard across the ring into the corner. Traci shout in pain as her back slams into the turn buckle. Traci drapes her arms over the ropes to keep from crumpling to the canvas. Then she looks up and sees Lindsay flying through the air and bodyspashes her in the corner. At ringside the bevy of Baywatch beauties shake their heads. Today must truly be a day for underdogs. Maybe even the 18 and 0 Tom Brady will be hammered just like his slumping namesake wearing the Patriot's body paint. Actually, was wearing his body paint is more appropriate terminology. Her own sweat, and a lot of Lindsay's beatings has removed much of the paint. Now there is little paint left on either of them, only two topless women beating the shit out of each other. Topless women with very large sumptuous breasts with stiff erect nipples, bouncing madly.
Lindsay grabs Traci's wrist again and whips Traci to the opposite side of the ring to repeat the maneuver. The smart girl knows the tits on tit collisions are breaking Traci. Halfway through the whip, Traci reminds everyone why she is the favorite to win. Traci uses her muscle to reverse the whip and send Lindsay tit first into the turnbuckles.
Lindsay reels backwards out of the corner, and Traci clobbers her with a forearm across the back of her neck. Lindsay's knees buckle and she almost goes down. She might have, if given the chance, but Traci did not. She snakes her arms under Lindsay's and with a roar of intensity, locks the young girl in a full nelson. Lindsay remembered Traci was emotional during The Surreal Life, Celebrity games season, but she forgot that Traci won the $100,000 competition. The half Cherokee half African American is ultra competitive. She used to be a competitive swimmer. Like Lindsay, she will do anything to win.
Traci presses down on Lindsay's neck with all the power she has left. Fortunately for her, she is getting her second wind. Lindsay is not so fortunate. With her chin pressed into her chest, she is finding it hard to breath. Lindsay has never been athletically inclined either, she is not physically prepared for a long hard fight. This simple full nelson is really wearing Lindsay out. Not to mention, those big hot tits pressed against her back are making her horny as hell. No matter how much she is enjoying a little sensuous flesh-to-flesh contact, Lindsay has to escape before she passes out.
Her weak, skinny arms are not going to be able to power out. Lindsay struggles until she is able to thrust back with her butt and continues doing so until Traci hunches over. With Traci hunched over, it releases a lot of pressure on Lindsay's neck, but it also gives Lindsay the right angle to kick backwards, so her leg can nail Traci in the crotch. "Ooohhhh!" Traci yells and loosens her grip allowing Lindsay to squirm free.
Fans start to chant and rally behind their favorite. "LETS! GO! GIANTS!" that is instantly answered by, "GO PATS!" It has been a tough grueling match, one which fans thought Lindsay would never be able to compete so long with Traci. Lindsay planned on doing more than competing, she planned on winning. Lindsay spins around to face Traci who is still hunched over holding her pussy. Fighting with the heart of a lion in the body of a debutant, Lindsay rocks Traci with a left right combination of hooks to the jaw. Traci is knocked out of her funk and straightens up, but not before her head bobbles from another of Lindsay's bombs that explodes on her lips. Traci immediately launches her own counter attack of fist.
So the fight has come full circle to where it began, Traci and Lindsay duking it out in the middle of the ring. Bitch land good shots that have the other's head twisting, sending their long hair flying all around. Big difference this time is that Lindsay is becoming fatigued. Her punches do not have the speed or power as at the beginning of the match. Traci starts to take control of the fight.
Traci stars to punish Lindsay. Lindsay is backing up, but it's too late. Traci's fists have snot and slobber flying from Lindsay as she knocks her head all over her shoulders. Lindsay is on rubber legs and reeling all over the place. Still trying to find a way to get the upset, Lindsay runs into the ropes and gets momentum and rebounds at Traci with a big punch. This time Traci side steps a whiff, then charges and levels Lindsay with a clothesline.
Traci drops on top of Lindsay for the pin. Buffie gets down as quick as her gigantic ass will allow. "One! Two!... two." Buffie shouts as she calls out the pin count. The little underdog kicks out at the two count.
"Want some more little girl?" Traci growls as she pulls Lindsay to her feet by her hair.
Halfway up Lindsay rips off a powerful uppercut to Traci's flat stomach that lifts Traci off her feet momentarily. "I don't think you got any more old lady" Lindsay snarls back.
Traci back off with her face contorted in pain. Traci does no get far enough, quick enough before Lindsay strikes again and kicks the Baywatch bitch in the stomach. Traci reel backwards and leans against the ropes hoping to collect herself. Lindsay follows her immediately making sure she never gets time to do that. As soon as Lindsay gets close, Traci reaches out and rakes her nails across Lindsay's eyes. With Lindsay temporarily blinded Traci unloads an open handed chop across Lindsay's tits. Traci finds that her breast assault is every bit as potent as Lindsay's previous one on her. The chop knocked the breath out of Lindsay and she now slumps against the ropes, allowing Traci to unleash chop after devastating chop across Lindsay's tits.
Seeing that her chops have all but finished Lindsay, Traci lifts Lindsay off her feet and across her shoulders with a fireman's carry. Traci carries her prey to the middle of the ring then dumps her off her shoulders and sends Lindsay crashing to the mat on the back of her head, with a John Cena, FU type of maneuver. Then Traci drops an elbow down into Lindey's soft stomach.
With Lindsay breathless and all but defeated, Traci lies across the blonde's chest and hooks her leg for the pinfall. Buffie is ready and waiting already in position to make the count. One.. two... and yet again the underdog finds a way to lift a shoulder off of the mat. Traci looks in amazement that this little girl will not accept defeat.
On this Super Sunday where dreams are made. On this stage where 'nobodies' are transformed into legends for all-time. On Super Bowl Sunday when big names like Joe Nameth, Joe Montana, Lynn Swann, Tom Brady, Roger Staubach, Terry Bradshaw, Mercury Morris, Peyton Manning and Lawrence Taylor become legendary. A Sunday where nobodies like Timmy Smith, Adam Vinatieri and Jack Squirek are forever etched into football history because of being spectacular on the grandest of stage of all. Can an underdog get off the mat and beat the undefeatable?
"Aww Hell No!" Traci exclaims, "You're not getting out of this!" Traci says and pulls Lindsay up into a seated position and sits behind her. Traci uses one of her strong arms to hold both of Lindsay's arms behind her back and reaches around in front of Lindsay with her free hand. Traci digs inside of Lindsay's NY Giants bikini bottoms and finds her sweet little pussy. Traci's fingers contract and squeeze and claws at Lindsay's little pussy. "This is my time, I'm winning this fight you spoiled little bitch!"
Lindsay lets out a long shrill scream. "You can't do that... It's cheating." Lindsay spits, as she struggles uselessly in Traci's clutches.
"I'm representing the New England Patriots, idiot!" Traci shouts. "We always cheat!" Traci redoubles her effort and really tears into Lindsay's pussy. It only takes a few seconds before Lindsay burst into tears.
"Had enough Lindsay?" Buffie asks. "Do ya want to quit?"
"Yeah you fucking idiot" Lindsay shouts between her loud uncontrollable sobs. "Get this fucking freak off of me!" Lindsay is frantic from the pain, and pissed at suffering from what she perceives as an underhanded move, that Buffie is allowing. "Damnit now fat ass! Now!"
Buffie's eyes narrow and she pulls her lips tight. Buffie is a good ol' southern gal from the hood, she is not accustom to letting anybody talk like that to her without cursing the silly bitch out. Instead Buffie just chills and allows Traci to inflict more damage. After what seemed like an eternity for Lindsay, Buffie casually asks her again. "Ya know that wasn't very nice, so I'm going to act like you didn't say dat shit and try this again. Do you want to give up?" Buffie says with an attitude.
By this time Lindsay is crying near uncontrollably. "Yes I quit Miss Buffie... and I'm sorry Miss Body.... I'm sorry!" Lindsay can barely get out between all the crying.
Satisfied that the little brat has learned some manners and humility, Buffie calls for the bell. Traci lets go of Lindsay and springs to her feet, jumping up and down like a big boobed cheerleader, celebrating her victory. Lindsay curls up into a ball on the mat and cries like a baby. The spectators rise to their feet to give both competitors a standing ovation.
Three hours later, many dreams were fulfilled. A 'nobody' player stepped up, and wrote his name in football folklore in a major way. The tape and name, David Tyree will be shown and told forevermore. Another good player, Eli Manning elevated his legacy into the ranks of the elite. Most important, the underdog did beat the undefeated. The 2007 New England Patriots will forever be called the team that went '18 and Uh Oh.' Traci's excitement about her win was not remotely extinguished by her team losing. Traci hoisted a replica of the Super Bowl Lombardi Trophy awarded to her for her victroy. Then she danced and celebrated with her Baywatch Beauties until dawn. Lindsay emerged from the dressing room and to her surprise was greeted and congratulated on a fantastic effort even in defeat. As usual she found her way to Paris and to a cocktail waitress and bartender who would make sure her glass never got empty.
Traci loved to completion. She loved to win. Most importantly, she loved the attention and the spot light. That is why she joined Stone Rage's league, and is thrilled to make her debut on Super Sunday. For one night, it felt like the nineties again. She and her friends are together, and the future looks bright. The world of celebrity catfighting may prove her way back to the top.
Stone Rage is upstairs in the balcony with Kim Karashian talking. "I really underestimated your friend Lindsay, I owe her an apology. I knew Paris will find a way to be successful, but I didn't realize Lindsay was such a hellcat. She really has a lot of admirable qualities, she's focus, driven and calculating." He looks down at the now drunken young girl falling over every guy near her, before taking another shot of something. "Well, she certainly hides her better qualities well."
Kim chuckles at her girl's intoxicated state. "So they're in your good graces now?"
"Good graces?" Rage answers, "Shhiii... What good graces? I only make decisions that are for the good of the league. I just didn't think they would fit in around here. Lindsay and Paris are pretty controversial. They are polarizing figures, you either love them or hate them." Rage continues, "Jessica and Ashlee Simpson have been begging me to give them a contract, so they can get at them. Then there are the people who don't even know Paris and hates her. Paris is an handful just being Paris." Rage settles back in his chair. "Even you, Kim have a list of people wanting a match with you." Kim's eyes get wide. "Brandy and Whitney Houston wants you over Ray J. Christina Milian over Nick Cannon. Things won't be boring with you guys around, that's for sure."
Rage takes a sip from his drink. After a couple of seconds he asks, "By the way, have you guys heard from Britney Spears lately, I haven't been able to get a hold of her for a while?"
Kim laughs mysteriously, then answers, "I think Paris has, but that is a story for another day."
BACK TO THE CELEBRITIES
TO TRACI BINGHAM
TO PARIS HILTON
TO LINDSAY LOHAN
Lea Lexis vs Rachele Richey AT ULTIMATE SURRENDER!
FOLLOW Lotus Lain TO HOGTIED!