Penelope Cruz vs Vanessa Williams
Featuring Salma Hayek
"Come on is that the best you guys can do? How am I ever going to become War Queen again with you two dragging ass like that?", Salma hollers at her friends who are sparring in the ring. While her friends are working hard under the very hot Los Angeles sun, Salma relaxes in a lounge chair under a sun umbrella, sipping lemon aide and barking out orders.
"I'm going to kill her little ass when I get out of here." Vanessa Williams says as she squares off against Penelope Cruz.
"No I'll kill her first." Penelope says as she strikes with a chop across Vanessa's chest. As Vanessa grunts and reels back Penelope's foot lashes out and kicks Vanessa in the stomach, doubling her over. Penelope quickly grabs Vanessa's arm and whips her into the ropes and meets her with an elbow to the jaw after she rebound. "Me first cause I think you're going to be a little unconscious, V Dub." Penelope adds with a giggle.
"That's it Penny!" Salma whoops as Vanessa lies on the canvas rubbing her newly aching jaw. "Come on V Dub you're looking a little stiff in there, Penny's going to put a licking on you if you don't pick it up."
"For the last time, my name is Vanessa L. Williams, not V Dub!" Vanessa shouts back. "And I told you, I'm too old for this shit!" With that statement, Vanessa does a spinning kick as Penelope approaches her and executes a leg sweep that knocks her sparring partner off of her feet. Vanessa grabs Penelope's ankle and springs to her feet only to drop her elbow across Penelope's knee a moment later. "If you're the one who wants to be War Queen, why aren't you in here getting bruised with us?"
"Somebody's got to be the trainer." Salma answers before taking another sip of ice cold lemon aide. "Besides, I haven't loss all of my baby fat yet." Salma pauses. "By the way you're not too old V' Dub, you're only three years older than I am."
This fairly odd scene featuring these three normally very classy women takes place at Salma Hayek's estate by her swimming pool. Salma had a wrestling ring constructed as she starts training for another stint in Stone Rage's catfight league with the goal to one day regain her War Queen title. After taking the last fifteen months off for maternity leave, Salma notices the landscape of the league has changed drastically since her first title reign. Realizing because of the numerous alliances currently in the league, she will not be able to do it alone, so Penelope Cruz and Vanessa Williams enter the scene.
Vanessa gets up and is about to drop another elbow on Penelope's knee when the brunette drew her legs into her chest and kicks out with a double mule kick to Vanessa's chest that sends her sprawling to the mat. "So remind me what the hell am I doing here again, other than sweating and getting my ass beat?." Penelope says with her Spanish accent.
"Because you're my best friend." Salma answers in her sexy dusky voice and accent. "And I need both of you help. Last time Jenny McCarthy spit and cum in my face. Alyssa Milano raped me. I need your help to pay these putas back."
"Sounds like a personal problem Salma." Vanessa interjects as she rises to her feet, squaring off with Penelope again. "A personal problem that doesn't include me!"
"Ahhhh V Dub, you say this like you don't love me" Salma answers.
"I don't!" Vanessa quickly snaps back.
"You know, you have bad attitude." Penelope says with a snarl. "Your friend comes asking for help, and all you do is complain. A true friend would never do that." Penelope continues, trying to relate how important friendship is to her and Salma. "Maybe I should give you an attitude adjustment, no?"
"Maybe I should just give you a breath mint, and then we'll both be happy?" Vanessa shoots back.
Penelope responds to the insult with a loud cracking smack across Vanessa's face. The former Miss America's eyes blaze with anger and punches Penelope across the jaw, sending the Maiden of Madrid stumbling sideways. Penelope came right back with a wicked right that sent Vanessa stumbling back. Salma'a eyes light up in excitement seeing her two allies going at it fast and hard. This is the kind of training session she had hoped for. Vanessa and Penelope will be battle tested and ready for life in Stone Rage's Battle Zone in no time.
"You want some of this CHICA!" Penelope yelled as she connects again and sends Vanessa flailing backwards. Penelope charges right in after Vanessa, but catches Vanessa's fist right in her mouth. Penelope's head snaps back and her knees buckle. Vanessa strikes again with a hard driving punch to Penelope's stomach. Penelope swoons and is about to go down when she sees Vanessa's fist coming towards her face. At the last minute she wills her arm up to block the blow.
Penelope lunges at Vanessa and tackles the rampaging beauty to the mat. Vanessa and Penelope wrestled on the mat struggling for the advantage. Penelope finally frees her hands enough to grab Vanessa's hair and viciously starts slamming the back of her head into the mat. After she has Vanessa stunned, Penelope is able to blast Vanessa across the lips with punch after hammering punch.
Penelope wants to not only beat Vanessa at this point, but also teach the snooty bitch a lesson in humility. With Vanessa dazed, Penelope pulls down the straps of Vanessa's on piece wrestling outfit and exposes her opponent's breast. Penelope slams several punches hard into the black woman's bountiful breasts, before sinking her claws in them with an unyielding grip. Vanessa comes back to life, roaring in pain.
"Let's see how hot you are after I rip these boobies off your chest!" Penelope threatens.
"AHHHHhhhhh! Let go of my fucking tits you crazy ass bitch. I need those. Are you trying to ruin my career?" Vanessa screams. Then she claws Penelope's eyes, getting a scream in return. Finally Vanessa is able to get her foot up underneath Penelope enough to push her off of her.
"Look what you did to me, bitch," fired Vanessa, sitting up and cuddling her agelessly perky mammories. Both tits were splotched with red welts and long lines. "Get up! I'm going to kick ass for that!" screams Vanessa as she rises to her feet and clinching her fists.
Penelope scrambles to her feet and puts up her fists saying "Come on Chica, Let's box! I'll knock you out eh?" Seconds later the two brawling beauties came together swinging. Penelope proves to be a skilled boxer, but Vanessa proves to be better, a lot better. She quickly raps Penelope across the chin with a sharp hook. Penelope's hair flew one way and her face spins the other. Staggering, Penelope desperately lashes out with a kick that clips Vanessa across her shin.
"Oooww!" Vanessa yelps then retaliates with a blistering backhand slap across Penelope's cheek that sends her reeling backwards. Vanessa pushes Penelope back into the corner, and unloads a barrage of forearm shots across her chest. Next, she grabs two big handfuls of Penelope's silky raven colored hair, and throws her head over heals to the canvas.
Salma encourages both of her friends. "Go V Dub, use some of those wrestling moves I taught you to finish her off." After a pause she yells, "Counter Penny! Counter.!"
Vanessa approaches Penelope from behind and snatches her up to her feet with a double fist full of hair. Vanessa knees Penelope in the kidney area from behind, making the Spanish beauty shout and arch her back. Vanessa keeps Penelope arched back line a bow then slams her fist down with a big sweeping swing down into the brunette's exposed tummy. A loud audible thump sounds out as Vanessa's fist makes contact and Penelope crashes to the mat like a broken bridge. Penelope ends up seated on the canvas holding her belly. Vanessa drops to one knee behind her victim and wraps her arm around her head. Then Vanessa begins to pummel Penelope on the jaw repeatedly, as her struggling prey struggles for freedom.
"Come on Mamacita, I'm going to show you how we do things in my hood." Vanessa growls as she hauls Penelope back to her feet.
"Hood!!?!!?? What hood?" Salma exclaims. "You grew up in a predominately white suburb in New York. What are you talking about Vanessa?"
"Shut up shrimp" Vanessa says starting to laugh at her own idiotic attempt to act ghetto. "I always wanted to say that."
Slightly distracted by her funny, Penelope rips a flurry of punches into Vanessa's mid section. The former Miss America gasps and doubles over. Penelope blasts her with forearm across the side of the face, sending the African American reeling back against the ropes. Vanessa leans against the ropes heaving air when Penelope follows in and slams a loud smacking chop across her naked tits. Vanessa's face contorts in pain and her knees buckle as she almost drops to her knees.
Salma looks on with a smile as Penelope straightens Vanessa back up and fires another chop across her tits just as hard. Salma gets very excited watching her friends beat the crap out of each other. Vanessa's viciousness when she attacks, and Penelope's resilience will both help her to once again become a force in the league.
Salma was the initial War Queen in the league. She was the first dominant competitor in the league. Everything came to an abrupt end when she battled Catherine Zeta Jones. Catherine left her lying bloody and unconscious twice while walking away with Salma's title belt in two decisive victories. Salma remained a top contender, and had a short run with the Hardcore title, but never reached her previous status. After being demolished by Jenny McCarthy, Alyssa Milano, Christina Applegate and Alicia Silverstone, everybody assumed Salma's best days were over. She was fortunate to take a long break for her pregnancy to stop her descend in prestige at the time she did. Now with Vanessa and Penelope's help, she is determined to be relevant again, if not the future War Queen.
Once Vanessa is sagging on the ropes with both arm covering her bright red tits that are blazing hot from Penelope's assault, Penelope grabs the native New Yorker by her knees and jerks her feet out from under her. Vanessa falls on her plump butt with Penelope standing over her with a hold of her two ankles. Penelope then gets a loud scream from Vanessa with a kick to her cunt. "You are always so grumpy Vanessa." Penelope quips. "We know you really like us, but your mouth is really starting to annoy me."
Realizing she is one the verge of catching a beat down, Vanessa lashes out with her feet and kicks Penelope back a few steps. Then the beleaguered beauty starts pulling herself to her feet with the help of the ropes. "Okay I admit I like you two, but what's that got to do with me being nice to you?" Vanessa adds with the same standoffish smirk. "And what does that have to do with me kicking your ass?"
No matter Vanessa's answer or attitude, Penelope is determined to put the bitchy woman down. Perhaps after she has been thoroughly beaten, she will be a lot easier to deal with. Penelope steps forward to attack again. Then the Madrid Maiden is shocked as her ragged, worn and nearly beaten opponent grabs her by two handfuls of hair and head butts her very hard in the face. Penelope's eyes cross, and her knees buckle, but Vanessa's strong grip on her hair keeps her standing.
Above all in her life, Vanessa has been a winner. No matter what obstacle has been in her way, she has found a way to overcome it. She felt that Penelope would be no different. With the Spanish beauty dazed, Vanessa hoists Penelope in the air and drops her throat first across the top rope. Penelope bounces off the top rope and lands on her feet, holding her throat with both hands and loudly gagging. Vanessa instantly kicks her in the stomach, doubling her over and grabs Penelope around the head and climbs, no literally runs up the second and third rope to get maximum height to spring off and execute a Tornado DDT on Penelope.
Penelope's head makes a thunderous thud as it crashes to the mat. Penelope's body lifelessly flops over to the mat. Finally Penelope lies there, on her back, eyes closed and not moving and a muscle. Vanessa springs to her feet and sees her rival lying totally out on the canvas. She raises her hands and lets out a triumphant "Yes!" through her clenched teeth.
Finally, Vanessa drops across Penelope's prone body for the pin. "One..... two......" Vanessa calls out. Then Penelope drapes her leg across the bottom rope, clearly before Vanessa hollers "Three!" Vanessa leaps to her feet extending both arms above her head in victory. "Yeah! I won!" she exclaims happily and excitedly. "Yeah! Who's bad? I pinned her skinny lil Spanish butt! Who's bad?" Vanessa sings loudly in celebration.
"No, V Dub!" Salma quickly walks to the ring trying to explain. "No, Penny got...."
"Penny got whipped!" Vanessa interrupts, completing Salma's sentence. "And you will get whipped too if you keep calling me V Dub."
"No, no Penny had her foot on the ropes." Salma explains.
"Damn!" Vanessa says disappointed. "Before I counted to three?"
"Yeah a long time." Salma says to Vanessa's disappointment.
"Damn" Vanessa mutters. She wanted to win, but wanted to win fairly. Although Vanessa says the opposite, she really likes and respects both Salma and Penelope immensely. She hoped they knew that. Of course this would not prevent her from pinning Penelope, then gloating abundantly afterward. She starts to turn back to Penelope.
Vanessa hears Salma exclaiming "ooo! ooo! ooo! Vanessa, watch out!" but Vanessa chooses to ignore Salma and deliberately turns to attack Penelope.
WHAM!!!!!!!!!! Vanessa turns right into Penelope's super kick to her chin. Salma cringe seeing the massive impact, Vanessa's head snaps back like it was about to fly off of her shoulders. Finally her lifeless body crumbles to the ground. Vanessa ends up knocked ice cold sprawled on her back across the canvas.
Penelope's eyes open wide. "Uh oh... I think I broke Vanessa!" She does not even bother to pin her and claim the victory; there is no need. Penelope only hopes there is no need for an ambulance right how.
Salma does not answer at first, only watching the carnage wide eyed. Finally after shaking her shock, she responds, "No no, she's fine. She does this all the time. I'll fix it", at least Salma hopes she can as she walks to her table and dumps out the remaining lemon aide from the pitcher on the grass. Then she takes the empty pitcher and walks to the swimming pool and scoops the picture full of water. Finally, she climbs into the ring and approaches Vanessa's inert body. Salma pours the pitcher of water on Vanessa's face. The water splash revives the sleeping beauty.
"Oooohhh what the...." The groggy Ugly Betty star says as she starts coming around and holding her aching head. "Fuck.... I'm too old for this." she softly says as the realization of what just happened.
Salma kneels down and helps Vanessa to her up to a seated position. "Vanessa you okay?" she asks not expecting an answer; at least not a truthful answer. "You always do this. You zig when you should have zagged. You've got to be more careful." Salma lifts Vanessa to her feet. "Now go to the bar and fix yourself a drink. It'll make you feel better, and numb the pain."
Vanessa staggers to the ropes and rolls out of the ring. Then the groggy and dazed beauty staggers, almost comically on rubber legs to a wet bar at the pool area. She pours herself a shot of Hennessey and gulps it down with a swig. "Tell me again why I'm doing this." The panting beauty shoots back at Salma.
"Because you love me." Salma answers.
"Hell no." Vanessa snaps back.
"Oh" Salma responds, "Maybe because I'm your executive producer and you like your job on Ugly Betty." Salma offers.
"Oh yeah, that's is" Vanessa says and pours herself another drink.
Penelope moves closer to Salma and speaks in Spanish, so Vanessa cannot understand her words. "Is she for real? She's only doing this to keep her job? We don't need her, we need someone who's family. Let's find someone else, another latino. Maybe Roselyn Sanchez will join us."
"No, Vanessa is perfect" Salma answers also in Spanish. "People have been trying to bury her for her whole career. From taking her Miss America crown, to her two divorces, her music and acting career. Every time she comes back and achieves heights unthought of previously. She has a big chip on her shoulder because she feels like she always has something to prove. She acts like she don't care because she knows she cares too much. No, she is perfect. Besides it doesn't hurt that Stone Rage has had a crush on her since he was twelve." Salma finishes.
Leaping out of the ring, Salma walks over to Vanessa and embraces her, and lays her face upon Vanessa's sweaty naked bosom. "I love you V Dub, and I'm not letting go until you admit you love me too." Salma says.
"Okay fine" Vanessa says and lets out a chuckling smile for the first time today. "I love you too. Just don't tell anybody. It'll ruin my reputation." finally she hugs Salma back and affectionately comments, "You crazy little bitch."
Penelope walks over to Vanessa and grabs and hugs her. "If you're friends and family with Salma, you are family with me too. I love you too!" Penelope finishes.
"Thank you" Vanessa whispers tenderly in Penelope's ear and surprises Penelope as she greets her with a warm embrace. "I love you too Penelope." Vanessa says hugging her sparring partner. "Just as long as you don't kick me in the head like that again. Another of those and I'll need another Botox injection."
"Good we're all friends now. I suggest we shower and hit the town for a good meal" Salma says putting her arm around the shoulders of both ladies. "Afterwards a little wine, a little dancing and who knows after that. We're all single women, we've got to keep our options open."
As the three walk arm in arm towards the house, Vanessa asks, "So Jenny McCarthy really spit in your face?" she completes with a frown. "I think I would have gone berserk and strangled her to death if she did that to me."
"Yesss I know." Salma answers. "I was going to do that, but I was too busy getting drug across the desert by my breasts." Salma says trying to make light of the situation. "Besides, I was having a hell of a time trying to get her foot out of my ass at the time too." She says getting a laugh from her joke.
"I want to get Alyssa Milano for raping you." Penelope says and playfully squeezes Salma'a bountiful tits. "These big mamas are all mine." she adds to her and Salma's laughter.
"You two are disgusting" Vanessa comments, to more laughter from her new partners.
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BACK TO THE CELEBRITIES
TO SALMA HAYEK
TO VANESSA WILLIAMS
TO PENELOPE CRUZ
