THE ROAD TO
BRITNEY SPEARS VS JENNIFER ANISTON VS CATHERINE ZETA JONES
It opens with a very beautiful and elegant Alicia Keys sitting behind a grand piano, tickling the ivories then starts singing "Grew up in a town that is famous as the place of movie scenes... It is the beginning of her awe inspiring tune Empire State of Mind part II It is a hauntingly beautiful version (Without Jay-Z and the heavy beat) about her beloved home town New York City. Its a fantastic song that makes anyone dream of the bright lights and excitement and energy that only New York, New York provides. Once she reaches the end of the song and starts banging on the keys, everyone has a smile and excited about being in the big city. The host city for Stone Rage's biggest card of the year, RAGE! II
In New York
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of
There's nothing you can't do
Now you're in New York
These streets will make you feel brand new
Big lights will inspire you
Hear it for New York
It is a perfect beginning for the press conference announcing that RAGE! II will be held in New York City this year. Many celebrities were at the press conference. The champions were there, and Christina Applegate addresses the press and fans to announce the matches already signed for the historic card.
"Welcome ladies and gentlemen" Christina Applegate greets at the opening of the press conference. "and welcome to RAGE! II As the booking committee chairman it is my responsibility to produce a card as magnificent or even better than the first RAGE!, and I hope to not disappoint you. It is extra special putting on a show under the bright lights of the Big Apple!" Christina says playing to the home crowd.
"I am happy to report we have already signed four championship matches for the event." Christina continues. "Rihanna will be defending her War Queen title. The booking committee will announce how that challenger will be chosen at a later date. Britney Spears will also defend her Bootylicious Championship against a challenger to be named later too.
"Three very exiting matches have already been finalized for the card." Christina announces with a smile. "First a bit of a grudge match. Jennifer Love HeWitt will face Halle Berry. If you all remember Halle got involved in Jennifer's Drama Queen Title rematch. Jennifer then mopped up the mat with Halle's face for her involvement." Christina recants with a chuckle. Everyone knows Christina in not at all fond of Halle. "It will be very interesting to see what happens this time."
"The second match is a championship affair. After the controversial ending of Salma Hayek's last championship match, she has been order right back in the ring to defend her title again. Salma has to put up her Drama Queen belt against Lucy Lui, leader of the ABA's Lui Tang Clan." Christina states distinctively. "During my tenure of booking committee chairman championships will be decided in the ring, and not by disqualifications and referee decisions. If champions wish to retain their titles in such fashion, they can expect to be back in the ring with their titles in peril very often."
"The third big announcement", Christina says with excitement, "Pam Anderson and Janet Jackson will renew acquaintances, when they battle for Pam's Cock Fighting Championship!" Christina allows for the reaction of the press and fans at the press release party. "Now enjoy and get ready for RAGE! II"
Then the festivities resume after the big announcement from Christina. It is a press release and a fan celebration all in one. Some of the celebrities of the league are at booths signing autographs, while others conduct interviews at various sets. Also there is one more event worth the hefty price of admission by itself. Award winning singers, Christina Aguilera and Lady Gaga will be meeting in the ring in a steel cage match later that day. The ring is especially decorative for this festive occasion. The mat, ring ropes and apron have a highly colorful scheme. The cage is currently raised above the ring, awaiting the titanic battle that will follow. Thousands of fans are present for this press conference, festivities and great match up.
As they finish the activities the press are hard at work getting responses about the finalized matches for the card. This includes Angie Everhart, the field reporter for the promotions flagship weekly program, Stone Rage CATFIGHTS! Angie has center stage in the middle of the ring interviewing the Bootylious champion, Britney Spears.
Among other questions Angie asks Britney, "So are there any preferences about your opponent for RAGE! II"
Britney pauses and takes a deep breath then speaks. "Well Angie I had a disappointing and actually embarrassing performance in my last match against Rihanna and Jessica Simpson. So I feel like I have a lot to prove in this upcoming match. Whoever I face, I want them to be an all-time great. Last year I faced Shakira at RAGE! and she is a worldwide superstar. So this year, I want to face someone just as big, if not larger than Shakira. I want to prove that I deserve this championship belt to all my fans."
The fans applaud Britney's noble response, as if on que a person starts walking through the audience surrounding the ring and walks toward the ring. All eyes turn to see Jennifer Aniston climb into the ring. A conservatively dressed Jennifer enters the ring and is handed a microphone as she approaches Angie and Britney.
"Angie... Britney..." Jennifer acknowledges respectfully and politely. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I had to take this opportunity to be the first to come forth. Britney, you're looking for an opponent for your match at RAGE! II I am a former Hardcore champion. I headlined last year's RAGE! main event when Jada Pinkett-Smith and I liberated the league by beating, Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter and her partner Pam Grier. I would like to be a big part of this year's event, and I want to do it by challenging you for your title at RAGE! II"
Members of the audience, fans and press alike 'oooh' and 'ahh' and comment amongst themselves. Meanwhile Britney steps back with a sly smile as she contemplates her response.
As the background noise dies down, Britney says, "I don't know Jennifer. You do know this for the Bootylious title? I don't know if you have the... uh hum... assetts.... for this kind of match, if you know what I mean?" Britney gives an inspecting glance down at Jennifer's booty.
Fans chuckle as they get Britney's drift. Jennifer maintains her remarkable composure and grace, but gives hints of being stung by Britney's sly insult. After her husband, Brad Pitt historically dumped her like a bag of garbage, for Angelina Jolie, Jennifer has been diligently and hard at work on her physique. Her body is tight and fit and a source of pride for her. She thinks her firm little ass is tantalizing, and well capable of winning a facesitting match. However Jennifer handles this jilt with charm. She draws closer to Britney's face and answers. "I've got all I need. Didn't you see me in Meet the Millers?"
"Yeah I saw it... that's why I'm asking." Britney responds with a smirk. "My compliments to your body double by the way, but I still don't think you have the physical requirements for this job."
Jennifer is steaming, but maintaining her composure like a champ. Then she has a thought. "I don't have the physical requirements?" Jennifer asks. Then she turns to the fans. "What do you think?" Jennifer loudly asks the fans. "Tell me if you think I don't have the assets?" Jennifer says that and starts quickly unfastening the buttons on her blouse. In seconds her blouse is open and she flings the shirt off. Next Jennifer unfastens her pants and pushes them down her shapely legs and steps out of them. Next Jennifer starts dancing and prancing around wearing only her bra and panties.
The audience explodes in pandemonium in seeing the classic girl next door beauty take a romp on the wild side. The 40 plus cougar's body is simply exquisite. It is tight, firm and bouncy from daily workouts, however not overly muscled to interfere with a feminine form. Jennifer is not overly curvy, but has perfect proportions. The overwhelming roar of approval initially makes Jennifer's cheeks blush and cause her to smile. However she loves the attention and affection and bounces around more vivaciously. ”
Jennifer's fit body puts a younger woman's body to shame. Namely today that younger woman is Britney Spears. Once Jennifer began her exhibition, all attention and cameras focused on Jennifer so much that hardly anybody realized that Britney was still in the ring. Britney is super stacked with a fabled body herself. Britney has more curves and just large enough proportions to give her that 'it factor'. A lot has been written about Britney's physique. The vast majority is good, with some bad. Enough bad that Britney would not dare strip down and try to match bodies with Jennifer at this time. Jennifer has already ignited a fire and turned the tide of the fans to her side. Jennifer stole the show. Britney knew there was another way to take back the spotlight, and end this challenge at its inception.
Britney walks over to the prancing All-American woman and squares up face to face with her. Then Britney hauls back and smacks the taste out of Jennifer's mouth. Jennifer freezes for a instant with fiery eyes, then fires off with walloping blows over Britney's head. Britney is rocking with her head bobbing. Britney has absorbed five big thwacks before Britney got the where with all to fire a shot back. Jennifer blocks Britney's punch and retaliates with six more thunderous shots to Britney's head. Seeing a donnybrook breaking out Angie makes a quick exit out of the ring.
Britney is bobbling and wobbling. Jennifer grasps Britney's wrist and whips her across the ring. Britney rebounds off the ropes to meet Jennifer, who has launched herself in the air. Jennifer slams her forearm into Britney's face with a flying forearm smash to the face. Britney is knocked off her feet and flops flat on her back. As a harden warrior Britney know it is dangerous on the mat. She immediately scrambles to her feet even though she is disoriented. When she rises Jennifer kisses Britney in the mouth with the soles of her feet with a dropkick. Britney is catapulted off her feet once more. Again Britney scrambles to her shoes, a bit more uncoordinated from being more dazed. When Britney rises Jennifer clutches her arms from behind. Jennifer does a slick pirouette and Britney ends up her arms above her head and her head pressed down and the back of it against Jennifer's back with Britney's chin against her chest and the crown of Britney's head pointing to the mat. Jennifer drops down to the mat, driving the crown of Britney's head into the mat in the pro wrestling called the 'Kill Switch'.
Britney’s brain went 'thunk' inside her skull. Her neck was compressed. She was not getting up this time, dazed or not. Jennifer grabs a handful of hair and lifts Britney's head off the mat. Then Jennifer puts her foot on the back of Britney's neck and releases Britney's hair and stomps down with her foot to slam Britney's face into the mat. The fans 'oooh' and 'aahhh' seeing Jennifer taking Britney down in short fashion. Jennifer hauls Britney to her feet and wraps her arms around Britney's waist. Jennifer hoists Britney off her feet and inverts Britney with her back stretched across Jennifer's right shoulder, while the singer looks vacantly up at the ceiling. Jennifer gathers her strength, then hurls Britney off her shoulder and whips Britney down for a resounding belly flop on the mat. The ring reverberates from Britney's powerful crash landing off Jennifer's shoulder. Britney lies face down, unmoving like a bear skin rug. All the air is knocked out of her body.
Now that Jennifer has totally kicked Britney's ass there is only one more thing to do to secure her title shot. With a little flair and personality, Jennifer grabs Britney's ankles and folds her up for a match book pin. Then sits down and plants her ass on Britney's face for a face smother while securing Britney's ankles, keeping her legs folded up across her body.
Jennifer nestles in for a nice comfortable seat on Britney's face. Britney thinks "Oh fuck! Not again!" She made the same mistake that she made in the Rihanna and Jessica Simpson Triangle match. She tried to blitz her opponent like she did early in her career. However that was ten years and a bunch of hard drugs ago. Luckily her initial assessment of Jennifer is correct. Jennifer is a novice at face sitting and did not expertly cover Britney's face as the champion could. Also Jennifer definitely did not have the massive ass size to make up for what she lacked in technique.
Thanks to Jennifer's inadequacies, Britney had time to set up and figure a way out of the smother. First, Britney thrust with her right leg and left shoulder. The rocking motion from side to side got Jennifer off balance. Soon Jennifer shifted her weight to thwart the motions. Once she did that, Britney then does a sudden and powerful thrust in the opposite direction to topple Jennifer off top of her. Jennifer falls off Britney's face, and Britney is free.
Jennifer is shock that Britney escaped. Britney is on a mission. Both women immediately roll opposite direction and spring to their feet. While barely standing, Britney surges forward and blast an unsuspecting Jennifer with punch to the gut. Jennifer's cheeks blow up as she grunts "Umph" and blows all the breath out of her body. Britney quickly follows with a right cross that twists Jennifer's face. Jennifer is stunned and wobbles backwards.
Britney grabs Jennifer by either side of her head and draws Jennifer near. Next Britney savagely bites Jennifer on the bridge of her nose. Jennifer is shocked by Britney's dirty move, but soon understood why she did it. Jennifer's eyes water, blinding her. She felt paralyzed in pain, and all she could do is flail her arms and dance in place. Britney stopped biting Jennifer then stepped to stand side by side with Jennifer with her arm cupped around Jennifer's chin. Then Britney does a flashy back flip while still holding Jennifer's head. Britney does not land on her feet, but goes all the way down, belly flopping the mat and bringing Jennifer with her. Britney drives the back of Jennifer's head to the mat with the force of Britney's body weight propelled by the flip, and Jennifer's own weight behind it. They land with a thunderous boom, causing the mat to shake violently from the impact.
Britney is thrilled that when she gets to her feet, Jennifer is still down. That finishing move takes a lot out of Britney. She was taking a huge risk to go for it so early. At least with Jennifer temporarily stunned it sets up her next gamble.
Britney backs into the corner and crouches low in a stance. It seems like an eternity for Britney, but soon enough a dazed and confused Jennifer peels herself off the canvas. Jennifer stands on shaky legs. Instantly Britney shoots out of her stance like Usain Bolt. Britney bolts across the ring and launches herself into Jennifer, spearing the senior woman in the mid section. Britney looks like she almost breaks Jennifer in half. She drives her shoulder threw Jennifer's gut, knocking her several feet and driving her to the mat.
Britney pops to her feet, bows backward and unleashes a might roar like a wild, untamed animal. Then Britney just as quickly regains her composure. Next Britney starts unbuttoning the black leather pants she is wearing and pushing them off her ass, down her legs and stepping out of them. Britney stands over Jennifer's head them drops her plump ass down on Jennifer's face. Britney wiggles her ass from side to side as she nestles in on Jennifer's face. Britney's beautiful ass is more than up to the task of engulfing Jennifer's features. Britney has technique and mass on her side. Britney's ass cheeks cover Jennifer's eyes and nose, while her pussy seals the deal over Jennifer's mouth.
Next Britney reaches into Jennifer's bra cups and pulls out Jennifer's breasts. Britney squeezes, mauls and jerks on Jennifer's perfectly shaped tits while she sits on Jennifer's face. Jennifer's muffled struggles are heard as she needlessly kick and thrash around. She is toast. Jennifer has little chance of escaping Britney's booty. The breast squeezing and punishment bridles Jennifer's spirit quickly. Every jerk and Jennifer's kicks lose their force and each moanful squeeze makes Jennifer cringe as she marches closer to slumber land.
Just as Jennifer is barely moving and is all but out, Britney is interrupted by a voice behind her. "Excellent! Now that you've gotten rid of the pretender, it’s time to face a real champion.
Britney looks over her shoulder and sees Catherine Zeta Jones approaching the ring, and now gracefully climbing up the ring steps. "Cat?" Britney retorically asks "Really? Really?" she says as she rises up off Jennifer's face. Defeated, now freed, Jennifer simply rolls out of the ring to safety and a lengthy rest period.
"Yes Britney. It is really me" Catherine answers. "And I'm here to challenge you for the Bootylicious title".
Britney chuckles that turns into a short laugh. "First Cat, I've already beaten you two times. Neither the fans nor me see the need or want to see me do it a third time. Second, you loss your last fight, a Cock Fight title match against Pam Anderson. Honestly, you got your ass kicked pretty bad. The booking committee are not about to put you in a title match right now. So, I'm sorry Cat, the answer has got to be no."
"You little shithead!" Catherine fires back with contempt dripping from every word. "I'm Catherine Zeta Jones. Academy award winning, Tony award winning and Screen Actors Guild award winning Catherine Zeta Jones. I will not be spoken to like this by a Vegas lounge singer."
Catherine was obviously hurt by Britney's truthful assessment of the possibilities of a match, but Britney also took offense to being called a Vegas lounge singer. Sure she is doing a weekly stint at Planet Hollywood in Vegas. If she is a lounge singer, at least she is a 12 million dollar lounge singer. Britney pounces at Catherine with fist swinging, just as Catherine expected. Britney got in a few good shots before the wily Catherine rammed her knee up into Britney's cunt to interrupt the assault.
Catherine scoops Britney off her feet and body slams Britney to the mat. Catherine quickly drops to her knees and wraps both hands around Britney's throat. Always a dirty fighter, Catherine blatantly chokes her flailing target. Britney helplessly flails for quite some time, until her flailing fingers got a hold of Catherine's hair. Then Britney is able to get two hands on Catherine's hair and pulls for all she is worth. Finally she is able to get Catherine to relinquish her choke. Catherine ends up grabbing Britney's hair in retaliation.
The wildcats struggle to their feet while both are connected by two handfuls in each other's hair. Both jerk and yank each other's tresses for a good amount of time. Both yell and screech while digging their hands further in each other's mops to get closer to the roots and cause more anguish. It strikes a sexy scene for the viewers as a hot blonde and a sexy brunette engage in a vicious hair pulling session. It appears that Catherine is gaining the upper hand, and Britney is failing. Britney is forced to concede the hair pulling contest and retaliate with fists to Catherine's body to end the contest.
Britney backs a few steps to gain some distance between them. Catherine want to press her advantage. She pounces in at Britney again. Only this time the blonde steps into Catherine, disrupting the distance and the timing. Catherine practically leaps into Britney's awaiting arms. Britney wraps her arms around Catherine's waist, holds her tight then leaps and twists, driving Catherine to the ground with a belly to belly suflex. Catherine is driven into the mat with Britney's body weight on top of hers. Britney gets to her feet leaving a heaving brunette lying on the mat.
Britney reaches down and snatches a handful of Catherine's silky black hair and hauls her back to her feet. Once Catherine reaches her knees she fights back with an unexpected flurry of stinging punches to Britney's stomach. With Britney gasping and hunched over, Catherine stands then hooks Britney's head under her arm. Catherine grabs Britney's black bikini panties and hoist Britney upside down in position to a suflex. Suddenly Catherine drops straight down and spikes the crown of Britney's head into the mat with a brain buster.
Catherine pops to her feet knowing Britney will not be rising with her. After that devastating move, Britney should be ready to be put away. Shockingly Catherine hears a commandeering voice behind her ordering, "That's enough Cat! This is over! Get the hell out of her now!"
Catherine whirls around to see Beyonce standing in the ring. Catherine had been so engrossed in the fight, she had not realized that Beyonce had entered the ring through the crowd. "What the fuck!" a confused Catherine loudly questions. Catherine is in the heat of battle and in a highly aggressive state. "Bitch I will fucking kick your big fat..." Catherine threatens as she angrily stomps toward Beyonce. Catherine did not finish her threat. A soon as Catherine comes within range of Beyonce, she gets kicked into the stomach. Catherine doubles over. As quick as a flash Beyonce has Catherine in her clutches she is throwing Catherine up then tossing her back down to the mat with Beyonce's trademark finisher power bomb called the Beyonce Bomb.
Catherine lands with a thunderous boom. The mat quivers like a bowl of Jell-O. Catherine arches her back as this terrible pain surges through her spine. Catherine's mouth is wide open with a silent scream caught somewhere in her throat. Then Catherine simply starts rolling to the ring apron then drops out of site off the edge.
Now Beyonce walks to Britney and extends a helping hand and assists Britney to her feet. "Britney, both of us have been champions and have had amazing careers in this industry. As many in the audience I am a fan and admirer of you. I think we should have a match at RAGE! II for these fans and burn the house down. I might kick you ass, you might beat the shit out of me, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that we give it all we got, fight to the best of our abilities and give these fans a match of a lifetime; a once in a lifetime match that no one will ever forget. What do you think?"
Britney beaks out with a smile from ear to ear. This is the kind of challenge that Britney wanted. Beyonce is a superstar of the same stature as Britney. She is one of the best fighters of her time. This is the second titan in the clash of titans that she envisioned. "Absolutely!" Britney accepts. She extends her hand to shake Beyonce's and seal the deal. Beyonce and Britney shake hands, and that hand shake quickly turns into an embrace. Every fan in the place cheers at the top of their lungs, hardly believing their eyes; that these two huge icons will battle one on one.
Coincidently when Catherine rolled out of the ring, she rolled out the same side that Jennifer escaped earlier. Now both are on one knee looking in the ring, seeing their big opportunity on the card disappear. Catherine looks at Jennifer then asks, "Are we going to muddle on the floor and let these two street walking, slags hog our spotlight?" The resolve returns to Jennifer's face. She gives Catherine an agreeing nod. Then the two cougars get off the floor and stealthy crawl back into the ring.
Meanwhile Britney and Beyonce acknowledge the roaring fans and pander to them. Suddenly they are getting clobbered over the back of the head. Jennifer is pounding on Beyonce while Catherine slugs Britney. Both Beyonce and Britney's knees buckle under the unexpected assault. Both turn simutaneously and each eat several clean shots to their faces.
Britney fires a wild counter that has no effect on Catherine. Then Britney receives a knee to stomach. Britneys hunches over in pain, but is immediately straightened back up by an uppercut. Britney reels backward with a glazed expression. After eating Jennifer's initial volley, Beyonce blinks, and eats a buffet of five more fists. Beyonce staggers back as well.
Then the magic strikes. Suddenly Beyonce and Britney start fighting back. First their fists start retaliating slowly then quickly start gaining steam. Jennifer and Catherine keep the pressure on battling furiously. They match then overcoming the renewed vigor. Finally the two more majestic creatures ascend to a level that their superstar peers find unobtainable. Britney and Beyonce's fist seem to start to flow as they start to land faster and repeated blows. Sparks appear to spring off their fists as they rocket through the air and collide upside Catherine and Jennifer's heads. Both Catherine and Jennifer wilt and their guards start to drop. Finally brilliant explosions! Beyonce does a quick high kick and detonates on Jennifer's skull. The All-American girl next door's body stiffens and collapses to the mat. About the same time, Britney does a tornado spin for momentum then blasts Catherine with an elbow smash to the chin that drops the Welsh Witch to the mat.
The fans are going bonkers. They understand that there is a difference between stars, superstars and those who define a generation. Britney and Beyonce define their generation. However they are not finished. It is time to give this momentous occasion the exclamation point it demands.
Beyonce wears a devilish grin. As she starts unbuttoning her jeans and shoving them down over her ass she challenges Britney, "I bet mine goes out fist."
"Bull shit! I bet not", Britney responds with a similar smile. Britney waits till Beyonce removes her jeans and reduces down to her panties just like Britney. They take their places standing over their victims. Britney counts to three and her and Beyonce drop their bootys on Catherine and Jennifer's faces respectively. Beyonce's mountainous ass engulfs Jennifer's lovely face. Beyonce wiggles her ass and nestles her facesitting in nice and tight. Meanwhile Britney drops her hot buns on Catherine's face. She rubs her delicious butt back and forth sealing every crack.
The fans go nuts once again. They know they are witnessing a once in a lifetime event. The original Bootylicious Champion, Beyonce, is in a facesitting contest with the current reigning Bootylicious champion, Britney Spears. Although it is a friendly competition, they wiggle, squirm and impose their weight down like their fate depended on it. The magnitude of the moment is not lost. Even the fact that two mega stars, like Catherine Zeta Jones and Jennifer Aniston, are reduced to hapless jobbers, and totally out shown by the brilliance of Britney and Beyonce is noted. In the end, the fierce competitors walk out arm in arm in total respect for each other's greatness. Each know that respect will not interfere with either of them doing whatever needs to be done, or grant any mercy in their quest of being the greatest of all-time.
By the end of the highly anticipated Christina Aguilera and Lady Gaga match, it is announced that an agreement in principal has been quickly reach. It is official. Britney Spear will face Beyonce for the Bootylicious title in the co-main event of RAGE! II It will be a Clash of Titans! A matchup for the ages. Beyonce versus Britney bitch! By the way, for the record, Beyonce won the face sitting bet.
BACK TO THE CELEBRITIES
TO BRITNEY SPEARS
TO JENNIFER ANISTON
TO CATHERINE ZETA JONES
TO RAGE! II
FOLLOW DragonLily TO HOGTIED!