JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT
Born: February 21st, 1979 Height: 5' 2½" Weight: 124lbs Eyes: Brown Measurements: 34C-25-35 Orientation: Huh? I don’t understand the question!? Years Catfighting: Too Long
Previous League: BZL sorta (defunct), XCF (defunct), Video-1 League, G3L, NNL (Japan)
Previous Belts: To ask me this… is so cruel and mean…
Finishing Moves: Valkyrie Milk Maiden! (Breast smother made famous from the Diner!), Stripped Chiaki! (Takedown maneuver where she mauls opponent while rolling around with them, then she gets behind them and gets to her feet! And applies a standing chin-lock sleeper! While they are sitting! She then hauls them up by their hair and then delivers a series of haymakers and haymaker bitch-slaps!), Loin of
Lucy! (Cunt-kick! To stun and stoop opponent over! Then she gives her Sunday Best Upper-cut from as close to the floor as she can BRING IT UP FROM! She immediately grabs them to keep them from hitting the floor or stumbling too far away! Then she hits them with a cunt-claw! To fuck them up further! She then grabs them by their hair and literally rides them down to the MAT! She might follow up with a Head Pound and Valkyrie Milk Maiden! To be sure!), Dragonslayer! (Unknown finishing move)
Strengths: Great at taking an ass-whipping, high endurance and stamina, great at Dirty Tactics, great at using Haymaker Type Attacks, great at body attacks, great whiner which doesn’t sound like shit but it allows her to lull enemies to sleep, great at withstanding enemies momentum, quick, great at using weapons and objects in her environment, great at reading opponents weaknesses, great at staying on exposed weaknesses, aggressive, good at countering
enemies momentum, great at submission smothers, great showmanship, good at cutting a promo, good fighter and brawler, can counter some finishing moves, some power moves, some understanding of BDSM, abilities increase dramatically with momentum, abilities increase with Crowd Support, abilities increase with allies, good tag catfighter, abilities increase when working with Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz, abilities increase dramatically against Chiaki Kuriyama and Lucy Liu
Weaknesses: Perennial loser who needs a good start to stand a chance of winning matches, low psyche, generally does not win long matches, cannot withstand offensive barrages by opponents even though she can withstand opponents momentum, too much momentum by opponent wears her out and she ultimately gives up mentally and looses match, tits, vulnerable to power moves especially slams, vulnerable to BDSM, although abilities increase against Chiaki and Lucy she is still too
dependent on factors outside of herself to maintain her advantage, abilities and effectiveness drop as opponent is successful, missing haymaker-type attacks leaves her wide open and she takes abnormal damage when hit at that time, negative crowd support weakens her, if hit after failing to counter a finisher she takes twice the normal amount and may Sudden KO, vulnerable to Sudden KO in long matches, stuns easier as match goes on, needs to stay on offensive to keep her weaknesses from being exploited, vulnerable to Dirty Tactics
JLH is livin high off the hog right now! Her career in the BZL has been non-existent so she has had little to no trouble signing on with the fledgling W3W, ESPECIALLY SINCE!? She knows that two of the W3W’s premiere celebrity catfighters have been beaten by her in a rather hands down, public display! That has given her oodles of confidence to get back into the world of celebrity catfighting and show that she’s ready to give it another go again! FULL ON, FULL TILT, NO HOLD BARRED! It is an ironic twist that Jenn made her bones for a bit in Japan as a Pop Idol singer and then her first major fight, a STREET FIGHT, OF ALL THINGS!? AGAINST ONE OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL SHIKOKU CHAMPIONS OF JAPANESE CELEBRITY CATFIGHTING HISTORY!
For Jenn to defeat Chiaki Kuriyama, a multi-time Shikoku Champion, in a Street Fight!? Is a big deal! But to then be able to beat her bad enough to strip her of her clothes and then serve her up to some pervs in a dining booth STALL!?!? That only meant that she’d kicked her ass bad enough to get away with it, but better still!? To then be able to take on her irate and out for revenge, GIRLFRIEND!? Lucy, FUCKIN, LIU!?!? Now that takes not only guts, but GUMPTION! To fight with THEE Bitch Queen… of ALLLLLL DRAGONLADIES!?!? After downing her Psycho-Bitch Queen, GIRLFRIEND!?!? That’s one tall order and it was an order that Jennifer made sure to serve up hot and fresh at the Diner, HOWEVER!?!?
Jenn… is no fool… Sure, her victory over Chiaki and Lucy? Yeah, she laid them both out! COLD! And even dished them off, sorta!? To her fans, BUT!? She’s no dummy. She knows she had a lotta shit in her favor that night. A glass of hard liquor busted up Chiaki’s momentum when she’d tossed it into the bitches face! But prior to that she was wiping the Diner with her sorry ass! And yeah, Lucy was freaking out and attacking the patrons that had been gawking and pawing at Chiaki after she’d gotten her cunt kicked! And when the Bitch Queen turned her full attention to JLH… It wasn’t pretty! But when the end was near!? JLH found out that serving tray to hot-headed, BITCH QUEEN! WINS!!!! Jennifer has been taking it all in, but not getting snowed under by the fact that she needed a lot of foreign objects to even think of turning the tables on these two bitches. And then she still needed both of them to
already be distracted by other shit so she could really lay into them and knock them the fuck out, so then!? Jenn knows that she needs to hit the damn gym and really work with Salma and Penelope to make sure that she can stand on her own two feet against the likes of Chiaki and Lucy, and now Vivica.
After the win at the Diner, Jenn has found herself two new buddies who have actually accepted her into their fold. And she had found out the real reason why Salma had pretty much issued “a hit”, on Vivica, Lucy and Chiaki. Salma has made it clear that their group, A Band of Bitches, a rip off of Quentin Tarantino’s old production company, A Band Apart. Salma has made it clear that she wants her Band of Bitches to replace Geese’s, VLK. As the Flagship Group of the W3W and Jenn, having seen Geese face-to-face when he arrived at the Diner to retrieve two of his beaten bitches, saw and heard that Geese is willing to give Salma and her Band the chance to earn that top spot. Jenn’s no fool, she’s fully aware that by doing so, they would simply be pushing VLK to the Second Spot, nothing more. But with the long and lengthy convo she had with Salma and Penelope that night… she realizes that Salma’s
motives are just plain… weird… But Jenn’s decided to sign on and enjoy the ride, yet…? She’s found herself experiencing bizarre… “dreams”… since her win over Chiaki… something that she’s been trying to keep to herself, till she figures out just what the hell they mean…
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