MELISSA JOAN HART
Born: April 18th, 1976 Height: 5' 2" Weight: 118lbs Eyes: Blue Orientation: Bisexual Measurements: 34B-24-35 Years Catfighting: 15
Previous League: BZL (defunct), XCF (defunct), V1, SF-CF
Previous Belts: XCF IC Champ 1x, XCF Hardcore Champ 1x, XCF Tag Champ (with Britney Spears),V1-TV Champ 3x’s, Video-1 Tag Champ (with Britney Spears), SF-CF Queen 1x, SF-CF TV Champ 2x’s
Finishing Moves: Torture Rack! (Cunt-kick to stun and then hoists them onto her shoulders facing upwards, and then
bends their neck and the leg she holds them by, while bending them over backwards using her own shoulders as the rack to crack their back!) HARTBREAKER! (Cunt-kick to stun and then hoists them over her shoulder with them facing upwards! She then squeezes them around their exposed midsection and then jumps up and down a few times, jarring their BACK over her shoulder! ABRUPTLY, she slings them down into a FACEBUSTER SLAM by taking them OFF HER SHOULDER WHILE FALLING FORWARD! Very dangerous move.) Boston Crab! (Sits on the small of opponents back as they are facedown on the mat and double-underhooks both the bitches legs! And pulls both her legs BACK! AS SHE LEANS ON HER LOWER BACK AS WELL!) Tri-Suplex! (Cunt-kick to stun and then hits three Vertical Suplex’s on her opponent! Tri-Suplex Special ends in a DDT after the 3rd Suplex!) MJH-Omega (Takes bitch and executes a Great Spin slinging her round
and round and then releasing her with a Standing-Super Irish-WHIP TO THE ROPES!!!! Then she cuts her down as she rebounds back with a RUNNING CLOTHESLINE!)
Strengths: Great power moves, Mistress of Dirty Tactics, great at tag catfighting, great technical moves, aggressive which amps up to ultra-aggressive when she sees an opening or weakness, attacks exposed weaknesses early and often, stays on weaknesses, Queen of the Clothesline, Mistress of BDSM, great Bodyguard/Enforcer, fast, able to take an ass-whipping, able to break opponents momentum, able to withstand opponents momentum, her moves inflict more damage when she has momentum, good at submission moves, good showmanship, good at cutting a promo, abilities increase when working with Britney, great stable member/teammate, some leadership ability, ruthless, rarely submits, fights to the finish, reliable, trustworthy with/to friends and allies (Evil Girl
Scout, hah!), her finishing moves do abnormally high damage when used in conjunction with Britney’s moves or finishers, can be very methodical in her matches which makes her tough to beat when she’s at the top of her game
Weaknesses: MJH is too dependent on Britney whenever she actually works DIRECTLY WITH BRITNEY, although her abilities increase while working with Britney/her ring awareness actually DROPS, MJH takes abnormal damage from gut-shots, defeating Britney right in front of her will either kill her morale or boost it, controlling the match and setting the pace often causes MJH to make mistakes that can be capitalized on, MJH can be chain-hit and chain-stunned by skilled catfighters, MJH-Omega Finishing move is a bitch if she misses it, high-flying moves can Sudden KO her if late in a match and if she has taken enough punishment from her opponent/s,
constantly breaking her momentum can wear her out mentally making it impossible for her to win the match, slams inflict abnormal damage, continuous slams can stun her leaving her open to be chain-hit and chain-stunned, neck, clotheslines inflict abnormal damage as match wears on, KO-ing Britney while MJH is/was there makes her take damage like a bitch and opens her up to Instant KO’s, breaking her momentum and then staying on her leaves her open to taking a lot of punishment, she can also be Sudden KO’d at that time if done right, top-rope moves inflict abnormal damage on her and can even Sudden KO her, she can sometimes get too absorbed on one thing or opponent which leaves her open to being blindsided, when blindsided she takes damage like a bitch, Britney
MJH, Melissa Joan Hart!?!! Has been the shadow of her gal pal, best bud and former War Queen of the BZL, Britney Spears! Damn near since the inception of Stone Rage’s, Battle Zone League! She has been the Xiahou Dun to Britney’s, Cao Cao! Staunchly defending her at every and all turns, taking on and taking down many a battling bitch whether by hook or by crook! And never once even feeling the slightest bit of remorse, regard or REGRET! MJH has beaten the best and brightest from all of the major groups of the BZL. And it was she who brought Halle Berry to her knees and reigned her in hard enough for Halle to become Blond Ambitions plaything for the night! Which would have the odd consequence of turning Brandy into a fiend for fucking around with “the fairer” sex. In
her own way, Melissa has helped to steer Britney out of trouble and keep order when even the likes of Madonna, brought in to be the Coach of the group and actually saved it back in the day. But at times MJH has been the rudder to keep Blond Ambition straight sailing, even though Madonna would appear to have everything under control.
Like the rest of the Girl Gangs of the BZL, Blond Ambition participated in the plot to destroy the Fab-4 and finally seize power and overtly overthrow, Stone Rage! But just like all of the other Girl Gangs, Blond Ambition had their own ideas of how they would double-cross the ABA and take full-control of the BZL, SOLELY FOR THEMSELVES! I mean… c’mon, we all know that packs of Evil Bitches rarely can agree to co-exist, right? SURRRRRE, and like the squabbling chickenheads that this collective cacophony of cunts had become!?!! The ABA, Blond Ambition, Gen Next!, and Gen Prime!, couldn’t
agree on a GODDAMN THING, except… Except the fact that they would work together long enough to be able to beat-DOWN, Stone Rage’s Fab-4 Fuckers! And then pull the rug from under his ass and send him packing from his own creation, now… Between me… you… and
Homeland Security… Just how the fuck was this supposed to work?
This was also what MJH kept asking Britney and Madonna, just how the hell was doing away with the Flab-4? How was that supposed to cause Stone Rage to cave when everything was/is, in his fuckin name!?!! Try as she might, MJH could never get a square answer from the powers that be in this calamity caper! So… like the loyal soldier of the Dominion she was, Melissa kept quiet and obeyed her mistresses orders and by the time it was over she was kicking herself hard and often, for not listening to her own tried and true, INSTINCTS! THE WHOLE THING WAS A FUCKIN DISASTER!!!! Each group was trying to one-up the other and find a way to sink their fuckin claws into the Fab-4, FIRST!?!! So that they could reap the rewards of getting rid of Stone Rage’s strong-arm, CUNTS! Then go after Stone Rage himself! And again!?!! MJH was left with, how the FUCK do we MAKE HIM SIGN
ANYTHING OVER!?!? Now… what she didn’t know is that lurking around in the background was Stone Rage’s one-time whatever, Demi Moore. She, had found out why the Fab-4 were so crucial to Stone Rage, but that’s another story. Blond Ambition fought in the Ambush in Sin City, but during their time there, Madonna kept getting odd words back that someone else was here… and none too pleased with all of the out-of-town action. This too, was ignored when Melissa told her that she was getting the creepy feeling that someone was watching them.
When it was all said and done… The whole thing was a big goddamn disaster. They got beaten even with the help of Uma Thurman. Then they got disbanded by Alyssa Milano’s, Gen Next!, which was a huge humiliation. Then cap that fun-fest off with an ass-whipping by Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz, BUT WAIT!?!? There’s more… Unfortunately for Melissa and Britney… Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan were the next bitches to find them, and run a train on them. Except these two sick-puppies weren’t just looking to humiliate Melissa and her girlfriend, but to subject them to a little bit of off-the-beaten path, mind-control. Yes, you read right, mind-control. Melissa was even more enraged as she was taken down, because she knew that Britney had been one of Paris and Lindsay’s primary instructors in catfighting! Nothing like a knife in the back! But no sooner did things turn from that, to the even more unknown.
When Melissa regained her senses and found herself standing in the shadow of Sin City… And he was none too pleased with her or her friends from the BZL, rampaging through his city....
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