JENNY McCARTHY VS PAMELA ANDERSON
VS
Jenny McCarthy (52%) squeaks by Pam Anderson (48%)
Pam Anderson bounces in the ring waiting Jenny McCarthy's arrival. Even the normally light-hearted and jovial blonde felt the pressure of the situation. First, Jenny had already beat up the Enforcer of the Fab Four, Tia Carrere.* Jennifer Lopez has just gone down to Jessica Simpson and Generation PRIME, and Christina Applegate had just crushed Halle Berry. She is the Fab Four's last hope to stop the ABA from overrunning the league. Pam bounced topless, wearing only a black thong. As Jenny appeared at the top of the ramp, Pam smiled as Jenny made her way to the ring, and not entering to her normal entrance music, American Bad Ass by Pam's current boy toy, Kid Rock. She made Kid legally bar Jenny & the ABA from using the music. Jenny was able to negotiate that if she defeated Pam, she would gain the right to use the song again. Pam smiles realizing that if she takes Jenny's title, and the ABA's music away from them, all the gains the ABA have made would be meaningless.
Jenny, on the other hand, was NOT in a smiling mood. Despite the way the ABA had thus far destroyed Stone Rage's handpicked team, the stipulations attached to this match infuriated her. Not only was she forbidden to use her music, the other members of the ABA had been escorted from the building by security. True, the Fab Four had been taken away as well, but dammit, NO ONE told the ABA what to do. The only favorable stipulation that Jenny had been given was the two-referee system, again with bitter rivals Julie Strain and Anna Nicole Smith officiating. Unfortunately, Anna had lost the toss and would be outside the ring, with Julie making the calls where it mattered most. And if Anna entered the ring with Julie there, Jenny would be stripped of the title.
Stone Rage himself watched the match on a monitor in his office. He was nervous, but at least he had been able to give Pam a level playing field. There would be no ABA interference in this one! He knew Pam had what it took to win. She could sometimes be erratic, but she was 100% focused and ready for the match tonight. And, as other girls had learned the hard way, she was a hellcat when the chips were down. If anyone was capable of stopping the ABA, it had to be her.
Jenny was now in the ring, doing a slow peel of her robe to reveal a tiny red bikini top and ultra short jean shorts that looked painted on. Despite the crowd's hatred of the ABA, it was impossible not to be impressed with this woman. She held her title belt high overhead, then reluctantly allowed Julie to hand it to the timekeeper outside the ring.
Just as the belt was being handed through the ropes, Jenny abruptly tossed the robe over Pam's head. Pam had only glanced at the belt for a moment, but it was enough for Jenny to take advantage of. Blinded and choked by the robe, Pam's arms flailed as she tried to escape it. Jenny wasn't about to surrender her advantage so easily, and swung the poor girl around the ring as she spun in place. When she felt Pam was weakened enough, Jenny released it with perfect timing to sling her into a turnbuckle. Pam hit hard and then fell down in a heap.
Julie yanked the robe away, but the damage had been done. Pam was still dazed; clutching her throat and trying to get to her feet as the bell rang. Unfortunately for her, Jenny wasn't about to show any mercy. Pam had just managed to rise when a hard kick to the crotch dropped her to her knees again. Jenny followed with a hard knee to face, then began methodically punching and kicking her weakened foe, with special attention to her breasts. Pam tried to fight back, but Jenny was like a human tidal wave, rolling right through her defenses. Soon the arena was filled with Pam's cries as Jenny took her apart.
For the next three minutes Stone Rage stared in dismay as his warrior was viciously battered. Pam carried gamely on, but she seemed unable to get her offense working. For every attack she made, she was brutally paid back tenfold. His one shred of hope was the prematch interview, where she had sworn to return carrying the title or being carried away from the ring herself. No matter what, she wasn't going to give up tonight.
Jenny was enjoying herself, but it was time to finish the bitch off. She Irish whipped her foe into the corner, and launched a "Stinger Splash" that would be more than enough to do the trick. So much for the Fab Four. So much for the "hellcat."
So much for Jenny's plans. In a desperation move, Pam managed to swing her feet up at the last second, deflecting Jenny and launching her through the ropes. Finally, luck went Pam's way. Jenny fell hard onto the ring steps with a shriek, and immediately began rolling on the floor and clutching her left side. Anna rushed to her side, but it was obvious that she was hurt.
Pam collapsed out of the corner, desperately trying to regain some of her strength. As she pulled herself to her feet, she could hear Julie giving Jenny a rather slow count to return to the ring. A countout wouldn't result in a title change, which was almost as good as a victory for the ABA. Pam could hardly argue. She needed the rest at least as much as Jenny did.
Anna ordered Pam back from the ropes so Jenny could return to the ring, and she reluctantly complied. As Jenny moved to lock up, though, it was obvious she was favoring the ribs on her left side. Pam's eyes lit up. There was nothing better than a target to get the adrenaline flowing again.
A feint led Jenny to over commit, and Pam took advantage of it to plant a brutal kick to the weakened ribs. Jenny gasped and fell to the floor with a thud. Abruptly, the tables had turned. Jenny tried to roll to her feet, but she was too slow. Pam landed a kneedrop to the small of her back that left the younger girl face down and prone on the canvas.
For the first time since the bell rang, Pam smiled. "Oh honey, payback's a BITCH!" Before Jenny could rise, Pam planted her knee in the small of Jenny's back and grabbed the thin strings of that tiny bikini top. She yanked, and Jenny squealed as the material crushed her big breasts. Those up close could hear her groaning, "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...."
To no one's surprise, the attack didn't last long. There was just too much stress for that thin material, and after a few seconds it split. Jenny crashed tits first to the mat with a grunt, trying desperately to find a second wind so she could get back into the fight.
Pam, however, had other plans. Remembering the battering her breasts had taken earlier in the fight, she flipped the champion over and began a brutal tit mauling. Jenny tried to pay her back in kind, but Pam was just too good at it. There was no way Jenny could beat her in a tit mauling contest, and Pam knew it. She could sense Jenny's resolve starting to falter.
In her eagerness to finish Jenny, Pam made a single mistake. Leaning too far forward, she lifted her lower body off of her foe. Jenny saw momentary opening, and crashed her knee into Pam's unprotected crotch. Stunned by the unexpected agony, Pam's iron grip faltered, giving Jenny enough leverage to blast an elbow to the side of her head and knock her away. Pam lay dazed for a moment, caught off guard by the unexpected blows.
For her part, Jenny rolled to her side and massaged her aching breasts... or so it seemed to Julie. Using her body as a shield, Jenny slipped a pair of brass knuckles from her shorts and onto her hand. As she rose to her feet, she covered them by clutching her injured side.
Pam also had risen, shaking off the damage by sheer force of will. She smiled as she saw the faltering Jenny. "Here comes the end, whore! Say goodbye to that gold belt!" Pam was an avenging angel, almost supernaturally graceful as she swung about with a roundhouse kick designed to take Jenny's head off. Instead, however, Jenny countered with a perfectly timed punch that caught Pam in the side of the head with the brass knuckles.
It was as if someone had turned off a switch. Pam dropped lifelessly to the mat, unmoving. It was hard to believe that the pliant figure at Jenny's feet had a moment before seemed an invincible force of nature.
Pam stirred only slightly as Jenny toed her over to her back. Jenny smiled contemptuously as she dropped down in a very casual cover, knowing Pam was done. Pam's right leg lifted off the mat for a moment before dropping listlessly down again, perhaps a last feeble attempt to kick out from her conqueror. Julie swallowed hard, but dropped to the mat and began to count. If the cadence was a bit slow, it seemed not to matter.
ONE!
TWO!
THR....
The third slap never hit the mat, as Julie spotted the glittering brass knuckles, which had been tossed into the corner. Grabbing them, she waved her hands, shouting "NO PIN! The match CONTINUES!" With that, she tossed the knuckles outside the ring and out of Jenny's reach.
The crowd roared, but they were drowned out by the combined shouts of Jenny and Anna. Jenny immediately rose from her downed foe and got in Julie's face, screaming "What the FUCK is this??? Your precious golden girl is laid out there on the mat! You could have counted to a HUNDRED if you could count that high, you stupid cunt! Now get your ass down there and count the slut out!" Anna offered similar comments from outside the ring.
Julie had taken all she was going to, and loomed over Jenny, screaming "You listen here and listen here good, skank! The only reason I'm not throwing this thing out right now is that you'd keep that belt you stole! Pam had your ass beat before you pulled those brass knuckles out, and in a minute she'll be doing it again, so take your medicine!"
As the two continued their profanity-laced tirades, Pam was slowly recovering on the mat. Her eyes fluttered open, initially glassy, but as awareness returned she realized the match wasn't over! Despite Jenny's dirty shot, she could still win this thing!
Anna was the first to realize that Pam was back on her feet. She shouted a warning to Jenny, but before she could even turn around Pam had plowed into her from behind. All three women went down in a heap in the corner, with Pam on top and Julie on the bottom.
Pam rose first, yanking Jenny to her feet by the hair, only to deliver deadly DDT that dropped her again. The wind had been knocked from Julie, and she gasped for air as she rose to her hands and knees.
Realizing she had a window of opportunity, Anna grabbed Julie by her flowing brown hair and yanked her through the ropes. Off balance, Julie couldn't prevent slamming headfirst into the concrete floor. Half conscious, she was virtually helpless as Anna began to administer the beating she had waited for all evening.
In the ring, Jenny was in a bad way. Pam had caught her off guard with the surprise attack, and was ruthlessly exploiting her earlier injury. She had lost an advantage earlier by not continuing to attack a wounded area. She wouldn't make the same mistake again.
Jenny was curled almost into a fetal position as Pam administered a series of stomps to the weakened ribs. Then she again grabbed a handful of hair and pulled Jenny to her feet, setting her up for an abdominal stretch. "Oh God, no..." Jenny whispered, but she was helpless to prevent Pam from locking on the punishing maneuver.
Jenny's screams before were only a hint of what was heard now as Pam really cranked down the pressure. She was waving her free arm frantically in what might have been surrender, but without a ref the crowd drowned out any submission she may have made.
Outside the ring, Julie didn't have much left. Anna had made the most of her cowardly attack, and the big brunette was suffering for it. Anna slammed her to the floor again, taking even more fight out of the brutalized woman. Julie struggled to her hands and knees, hoping against hope that she could somehow stop Anna's assault. If she were unable to continue, Anna would become the legal ring referee.
Jenny's struggles in the abdominal stretch had faded to a series of twitches. Her eyes were open but had a glazed look that indicated that her pain center was on the verge of shutting her body down. Occasionally her arm would reach toward the rope, but she was in the center of the ring and after a moment it would drop again. It was plain that she was very, very close to her limit.
Surprisingly, Pam didn't look a lot better. She had used a lot of energy on her assault on Jenny, and even more in keeping the pressure on the punishing hold. She had known this move could finish Jenny in moments, and having to hold it for so long was burning reserves of strength she hadn't expected to need. Also, the damage she had taken early in the match was beginning to catch up to her. She knew she couldn't wait any longer for Julie to declare her the winner.
A gasp ran through the crowd as Pam reluctantly relinquished the hold that had so decimated the champion. The younger blond flopped face down in a heap, amazed that she had been released from a hold that seemed inescapable. Neither girl realized how close to finished her foe had been.
Pam moved toward the ropes, finally seeing why Julie wasn't in the ring. Anna had Julie bent backward over the ring apron, raining down shots onto her body. Julie's counterpunches didn't seem to have much behind them.
Pam realized she didn't have the strength left to fight off the large, powerful Anna, even with Julie's help. To everyone's surprise, she rolled out of the ring and began searching around the apron area. After a minute, she bent down and picked up the forgotten brass knuckles, then circled back to the other side, near the warring refs.
In the meantime, Jenny had made it back to her hands and knees. Her big bare breasts swung beneath her as she sucked air back into her tortured body. She shook her head and leaned back onto her haunches, beginning to clear the cobwebs from her brain.
Pam saw her chance, and sucker-punched Anna with the brass knuckles. Despite her waning strength, the surprise shot staggered the big blond. She quickly tossed them to Julie, who smiled for the first time that night.
Three more shots from Julie finally brought Anna to her knees. By the time she had realized what happened, it was too late. The big brunette polished her off with a power bomb onto the concrete. Anna tried to sit back up, then wilted to her back, unconscious.
Julie looked back into the ring, to find Jenny waiting there for Pam. She rolled in first, making Jenny back off so Pam could get back in the ring. The champ was too tired to even argue.
The end was near. It had to be. Neither girl could take much more.
They locked up, collar and elbow, each looking for a grip on the other's sweat-slick body. After a moment, this clumsy embrace turned into a pair of bear hugs, to Pam's obvious advantage. Jenny knew her body couldn't take much squeezing, so she took a chance and tripped them both. The bear hugs were broken, but the two rolled back and forth on the mat, struggling for advantage.
Eventually, Jenny managed to trap Pam beneath her, holding the older blond's wrists to the mat. The sexy star bucked and squirmed, but she simply didn't have the strength to throw her heavier opponent off. However, Jenny couldn't seem to hold down her writhing opponent for the match-winning pin. It was a stalemate.
Out of the corner of her eye, Jenny saw the remnants of her bikini top. If she'd had the energy, she would have smiled. That was it!
With an abrupt move, Jenny released Pam's wrists and wrapped her arms around her head, planting her foe's face squarely between her big bare breasts. Pam's eyes grew wide as she realized her predicament. Showing the fighting spirit that had brought her to this point, Pam's left hand snatched a handful of Jenny's hair, trying to pull her away. With her right hand, she began a steady, remorseless pounding on Jenny's ribs.
Jenny's eyes were clamped shut, and a moan or whimper escaped her lips every time Pam's hand pounded or scratched her side. It was taking all her will to maintain the smother. She knew if she let go she would simply have to surrender. There would be no way she could go on.
For over a minute and a half the intense war went on, with Pam's fist pounding and clawing and Jenny trying, desperately trying to hold on. An eternity later, Pam's blows finally began to slow. She released her left-hand grip, trying valiantly to gather enough energy to force Jenny away with the blows, but it wasn't enough. Her eyelids began to flicker, but still she punched. As her strength finally faded, the punches became slaps, then a sort of desperate scrambling attempt to grip, then finally her arms slid to the mat and stayed there. Pam twitched for a few more seconds, then relaxed beneath her opponent.
For a moment, neither fighter moved at all. Then Jenny raised her head, looked Julie in the eye and said "Well?" without ever breaking her smother. Julie grit her teeth, but held Jenny's eye as she lifted Pam's arm and said "One." The arm dropped lifelessly.
She repeated the maneuver. "Two." The arm dropped.
Jenny smiled, very coldly. "Three times the charm, sweetie."
Julie was grinding her teeth together, and her voice cracked slightly as she lifted the arm for a third time and said "Three." She released Pam's hand, and again the arm fell limply to the mat. No miracles today.
Jenny was grinning broadly now despite her aches. "And you get to say it, you lucky lady."
Julie finally broke eye contact and gestured to the timekeeper. "That's it. Ring the bell. Ring it, goddamn it!" She hung her head, and there were tears rolling down her cheeks as it sounded. "Shit."
As Jenny rose, it was apparent to everyone that Julie's final check on Pam had been an empty gesture of defiance. The conquered combatant didn't move at all, lying there totally limp as Jenny slowly and theatrically removed her black thong, displaying both it and her victim to the hushed crowd. American Bad Ass suddenly blared on the speakers. Stone Rage's hellcat had been convincingly tamed, and lay spread eagle and naked at the feet of her master.
Stone Rage stared at the monitor in shock. Pam had fought her best and still came up short. Not ONE of the Fab Four had slowed the ABA down, and the result of this match had apparently broken much of Julie's spirit. With the sound on his monitor turned down, his jaw dropped as he saw Jenny demanding Julie's bikini also, and Julie surrendering it without a fight. She just nodded and stripped, crying all the while. True to her word, Pam's still-slack form was being loaded onto a stretcher.
"My God. What will they do next?" he thought, "And how can I stop them?" The monitor faded on an image of Jenny leaving the ring, Anna at her side, her championship belt in one hand and the bikinis she had taken in the other.
-"Jebediah Morningside"
* Very Classic Tia vs Jenny 2
Jenny McCarthy, Christina Applegate, Nikki Cox, & Alyssa Milano
The American Bad Asses
EPILOG
Jenny returned to the locker room, Alyssa, Nikki, Christina, and members of Generation PRIME greeted her with a champagne shower, in celebration of their victory. It was a scene reminiscent of a Super Bowl or a World Series victory celebration with champagne flowing freely. Their hoops & hollers could be heard through out the backstage area. Finally the ABA, joined by referee's Anna Nicole Smith and Lisa Lipps, climbed into a very large sports utility limousine and prepared to leave the arena to go to the true after party. The limo begins up the long private road leading away from the arena.
"It was a stroke of genius to plan our victory party in the hotel across the street from Stone Rage's victory party!" Jenny says to Alyssa. "Now we can really rub their noses in it, by showing them a REAL victory party while Rage cries in his beer across the street!" Jenny says with laughter.
"I bet The Fab 4 are too embarrassed to even show up for the party!" adds Nikki Cox.
"Okay great, we'll see you there." Alyssa says as she hangs up her cell phone. "That was our new recruit, Catherine Zeta Jones, she says she'll be at the party." Alyssa continues.
"WHAT!!" exclaims Christina. "Who the hell invited her after what shes done to me! She broke my arm# and my leg^!"
"Well.... er.... I ah invited her to....", Alyssa sputters.
"And you weren't going to tell me!" the furious blonde says as she gets directly into the brunette's face.
"Calm down Chris." interrupts Jenny. "I thought it was a good idea too. Cat's one tough bitch, she hates Rage, and generally doesn't give a damn about anything. She's ABA material if I've ever seen it. Let bygones be bygone's and put the past behind you.
"Okay.. I see." says a stewing Christina, feeling betrayed by her friends. "You really feel that strongly that the stinking bitch should join us?" Christina asks.
"Hell yeah." replies Jenny.
"Okay let's make a deal" Christina begins with a sly smile. "Me and you have a friendly match next month. If I win, Cat is never allowed in the ABA. If I lose, you can have the bitch, if you want her." Christna continues, "but one catch.... the title is on the line!"
The limo gets deathly quiet. All eyes fall on Jenny, who is stunned to be challenged by her friend. She swallows hard, but replies the only way a champion could, "Fine you're on."
Suddenly the moment is broken when the limo slams on brakes and comes to a screeching halt, tossing all of its passengers in the floor. A red fire engine has just pulled out in front of the limo on the small 2 lane private road, and blocks the path. Another fire engine pulls up behind the car, blocking it in. Pam Anderson & Julie Strain climb out of the fire engine and run up to the window, yelling, "Get out the car Jenny, you cheating ass bitch... This shit ain't over yet."
Now Jenny is furious. First Christina, now this. "Come on, lets teach that dumb bitch about fucking with the ABA" mutters Jenny as she, Nikki Alyssa, Christina, Lisa And Anna crawl out of the limo.
"Now" screams Pam, and Halle Berry & Jennifer Lopez stand up on the fire engine wielding fire hoses. They turn on the water and blast their six hated rivals with water, knocking them to the ground. The ABA start to crawl back to the limo under the torrid streams of water when Tia Carrere & Linsey Dawn Mckenzie stand up on the other fire engine, and open fire with two more fire hoses.
The four torrid streams of water blast the ABA from the front and the back. The hard water knocks the girls to the ground, and washes away their resistance. Once the water had pounded the girls to the ground, Pam motions and the water stops.
"Come On... Let's Fuck' em Up!" Pam yells as she leads her group into hand-to-hand combat. She runs up and kicks Jenny in the ribs, who is on all fours. The rest of the Fab 4, Julie & Linsey follow suit and start kicking the crap out of their rivals. The Fab 4 girls took all their frustration out from their disappointing battles with the ABA, as they punched and kicked with a fury and savagery they had not known before.
Several minutes later, the 2 fire engines pull up at the hotel where both victory parties were held. The sirens are on and they blow the horns, causing partygoers from both parties to pile into the streets to see what's the commotion. To some's delight and other's horror, they see the Fab 4 pile off the fire engines smiling and greeting their party guess. Following the engines is the ABA's limo with the ABA completely naked, and tied to the outside of the huge car. Their hands tied to the rack at the top of the SUV, their feet on the running board, with 3 members on each side of the auto. All of their nipples are rock hard, and the wet girls are shivering. It was only a 3 mile ride from the arena to the hotel, but for the soaking wet girls tied to the outside in the cold wind, it was a freezing journey.
Satisfied they have gained a measure of revenge, the Fab 4 ignore the limo with their cold, shivering, humiliated rivals and greet Rage's top prospect, Angelina Jolie, Jamie Pressley, Natalie Ratano, and Toni Braxton on the street outside the hotel.
The ABA's top prospects, Jeri Ryan, Jessica Alba, and Gena Lee Nolin rush up to the limo and cut their friends down. Jenny's teeth are chattering, but her eyes are burning with fury the whole time at Pam across the street the whole while.
# Brutal Cat vs Christina
^ Brutal Cat vs Christina 2
BACK TO THE CELEBRITIES
TO PAMELA ANDERSON
TO JENNY McCARTHY
