UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER MATCH
LYNDA CARTER & PAM GRIER VS JENNIFER ANISTON & JADA PINKETT SMITH
What better way to win a war than with an unconditional surrender? It is even better than completely obliterating your enemy off the planet. Your enemy, beaten and hopelessly defeated must bow to your every whims and demands. Your demoralized enemy must accept and live with your right to rule, as the victor gloats eternally. Your enemy forever lives with the indignity of yielding and acknowledging total defeat. What better way to end a long grueling war?
The Uncivil War has been raging on for over a year now. The Resistance sees a glass ceiling above them. No matter what, they could not break through to perennial main event status that the Fab Four and the ABA enjoyed. So a group of mid card celebrities banned together under Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston to get what they thought they deserved but have been denied all this time.
Often advised by a mysterious person known only as the Skipper, The Resistance set their mark on the league. First, they turned two ABA sympathizers to their cause, Spontaneous Xtasty and Kelly Hu, and ambushed the ABA. In the end they sent all four ABA bosses away from the arena in the back of an ambulance. Second, they called out the Fab Four. The Fab Four enjoyed single action success against the Resistance, but that was all erased when they were massacred at **ONSLAUGHT**. They executed a brilliant scheme of the skipper and crushed and humiliated the fabled group like none other.
However despite their success, the Resistance could not achieve Main Event status. When the opinion polls, merchandising numbers, and internet feedback, came to the booking committee, they never validated their status as main event attractions. Fan would pay to see them battle the ABA or Fab Four, but not pay to see them individually. The Resistance became a running joke in the inner meetings of the booking committee. There was a total lack of respect for their marketability.
Finally in a meeting between the Resistance and the booking committee that lack of respect blossomed into jokes and personal attacks and comments against members of the Resistance. The butt of the jokes was Jada Pinkett and Jennifer Aniston. At that moment, the Resistance realized that their argument was not with the Fab Four or the ABA, but actually with the booking committee. They were the true ones holding them back. They were the ones preventing them from achieving their potential.
The object of the Resistance's fury switched to their true antagonist, the booking committee. They challenged the legendary members to a match of their making, the unconditional surrender match. It is a no holds barred, no disqualification match, where the loser signs a contractually bound to concede to whatever sanctions and conditions the winner specifies. Lynda Carter and Pam Grier accepted the match to face Jada Pinkett Smith and Jennifer Aniston in the colossal unconditional surrender match.
More than just a business matter, this match turned personal. Pam Grier struck a nerve with Jada Pinkett Smith by joking about fucking Jada's husband years ago, before they were married. Turns out, Jada's husband, Will Smith, had his first crush on Pam Grier as a preadolescence. Jada did not appreciate that a lot. She feels the only woman that he should be idolizing is her. She plan on dethroning his previous idol and dragging her through hell.
Lynda Carter had called Jennifer Aniston 'Wonder Wimp'. Jennifer has been bearing that tag ever since Angelina Jolie punked Jennifer, stole her husband, Brad Pitt and publicly flaunted her accomplishment. Ever since then, Jennifer has been living with this disgrace. She briefly joined the ABA and took edgier roles like, Horrible Bosses to live down that label. Nothing ever really worked. Now she will kick Wonder Woman's ass, then nobody will call her a wimp ever again. Jennifer is determined to make Lynda eat those words and apologize.
Pam and Lynda took the match dreaming of one last blaze of glory. They figured to tighten the committee’s grip on the league. Then Jada's mouth struck during the weeks leading to the fight. Jada called them old, sagging hags. Jada mocked their appearance. She discredited their careers, and much more. Jennifer is not a trash talker, but smiled and agreed with the incredible shit talking Jada. Jada aired every dirty rumor ever uttered about them in the secret halls of Hollywood. Lynda and Pam could not help, but to be offended and hurt by such a dastardly and personal attack on their character. It became very personal.
Lynda and Pam were pissed to say the least entering the match. They were determined to teach Jennifer and Jada a brutal lesson, and make sure that neither of them walked out of the ring. Jennifer and Jada were intent on being myth busters. They were going to bust the myth of these legendary catfighters. Bust the myth that they cannot carry this league. Bust the myth that a diminutive mother and a reformed wimp cannot shake up the world.
However fifteen minutes into the match the only myth being busted was Jennifer and Jada's hopes of winning this match. Lynda and Pam Grier played their biggest card to a tee. They named the Fab Four's Pamela Anderson and the ABA's Jenny McCarthy as the special guest enforcer referees.
The two legendary blonde Playboy Playmates definitely do not like each other, but they have worked with each other in the past. Both of them definitely wanted to see the Resistance disappear. The booking committee promised that would happen after they won the match. Dressed in black and white striped, low cut and very tight tank tops with an abruptly brief black pleated cheerleader skirt, Jenny and Pamela Anderson smiled and worked together like a well oiled machine.
First, they distracted Jennifer and Jada allowing Pam Grier and Lynda to take advantage with a premeditated attack. The iconic catfighters took an early advantage, and never looked back. They only needed a little gross biasness on Pamela Anderson and Jenny's part to maintain their advantage and punish Jennifer and Jada mercilessly. Although there was blatant cheating, many fans justified it after Jada's verbal abuse in the weeks leading to the match.
At the fifteen minute mark, Lynda and Pam Grier have Jennifer trapped in their corner. Both icons are in the ring and taking turns pounding Jennifer's mid section. Pam Grier and Lynda are both wearing spandex body suits. Lynda's tight suit is royal blue, reminiscent of that iconic and memorable blue body suit she wore on Wonder Woman one episode for a swimsuit. Pam Grier's body suit is white, and looking very "Foxy Brown-ish". Across the ring, Jada is trying to help her partner. However Pamela Anderson and Jenny stand in her way, pushing and shoving Jada back into her corner. Both are threatening Jada sever bodily harm if she does not return to the ring apron. After giving Pamela Anderson and Jenny a mouthful of insults, Jada exits the ring.
Pam Grier exits the ring and wraps her arm around Jennifer's throat from outside the ropes, holding Jennifer in her enemies’ corner. Lynda is able to pound away at will at Jennifer's stomach. Next Pam Grier seizes Jennifer's arms allowing Lynda to beat Jennifer's chest while she helpless victim struggles and squirms in Pam Grier's grasp. Jada complains constantly but Pamela Anderson and Jenny ignore her protests. "You low down cheaters! You're just going to let them double team her?" Pamela Anderson and Jenny glance over give Jada a smile.
Meanwhile in the corner Pam Grier is holding Jennifer's arms back allowing Lynda to deliver forearm smashes across Jennifer's breast and chest. Jada frowns feeling her partner's pain. "Come on, hang in there Jennifer. We'll turn this around." Jada pleads. Lynda pauses a moment to lift Jennifer's pink sports bra up, baring her opponent's tits. Jennifer is helpless to stop anything, with Pam Grier still holding her arms. Lynda goes back to work smashing Jennifer's boobs. Finally Lynda takes two hands and squeeze, grope and crush Jennifer's breasts. Jennifer can only squirm and suffer in Pam Grier and Lynda's clutches.
Lynda ends her tit assault with one last driving punch into Jennifer's stomach. Jennifer looks out of it and starts drooping as Pam Grier releases her. Lynda motions Pam Grier, and the second icon enters the ring saying, "Let me set her up for you Lynda". Pam Grier grabs Jennifer and stands her up. Then Pam Grier lies on her back with her feet placed in the small of Jennifer's back and grabs Jennifer's wrist pulling them down and behind Jennifer's back, putting Jennifer in a standing surfboard.
Jennifer is in a bad predicament. She is held in a standing position. Pam Grier threatens to pull Jennifer's arms out of socket by pulling them behind her while Pam Grier's feet push her body the other way. Even worst, Jennifer is totally defenseless as Lynda is approaching her salivating. Pam Grier has her served up on a silver platter for her partner. "Ohh I like that" Lynda coos as she sinks both of her claws into Jennifer's tits.
"Really?" Jada growls as she pace on the ring apron like a tiger trapped inside a cage. "You punk ass bitches are gonna really cheat like this?"
Lynda adjusts her assault a little lower, and moves her hand down and claws Jennifer's pussy. "I've tried to tell you Jeni-poo." Lynda explains "You just don't have what it takes to be the face of this organization. Except for Jessica Alba, none of you Resistance Girls do. You've got what it takes in the ring, but not the personality or charisma. People will always think you're weak." Lynda then plants a fist deep in Jennifer's belly.
Lynda takes her time targeting parts of Jennifer's anatomy, pounding stomach, chest and breasts. Jennifer looks out of it. She moans and whimpers constantly. "After tonight, the Resistance will be gone, and nobody will miss you. You'll be just another footnote." Lynda adds along with another pussy claw.
Jennifer whimpers and grunts while her body droops in total submission. "I've got to admit. You've got to amazing breasts for your age. Too bad you don't know how to use them!" Lynda says as she digs her nails into both round, perky orbs. After crushing and kneading Jennifer's tits to her hearts extent, Lynda finishes her attack with a few more well placed punches all over Jennifer's body. The legendary brunette stops to admire her work on the defeated actress' body.
Like she's flipping a hamburger, Lynda takes a deflated Jennifer off of Pam Grier's feet, turns her around and puts her back in place. Jennifer is still in Pam Grier's surf board but in a reversed position. Pam Grier's feet are against Jennifer's chest, Pam Grier has Jennifer's wrists pulling her arms and Jennifer's back is to Lynda. The legend takes advantage of the situation, and pounds Jennifer's back with her forearms. After beating Jennifer even further into a stupor. Lynda applies another pussy claw from behind.
Releasing her claw, Lynda starts giving Jennifer a sharp spanking. "Learn your lesson little girl." Lynda admonishes as she continues swatting Jennifer's ass. "You never question the authority of the booking committee. Learn your role. If Pam and I say you are not main event talent, accept your role and our authority. When you overstep your boundaries, you get punished." Lynda draws her hand way back and spanks Jennifer's bottom. She alternates from the left ass cheek to the right, evenly distributing the punishment. "Do you like being punished?" Lynda finishes by cutting her spanking and giving Jennifer one last wrenching pussy claw.
Lynda takes Jennifer off of her perch, and not surprisingly Jennifer collapses to the mat like a rag doll. Lynda falls across Jennifer's chest for the cover. Pamela Anderson dives to the canvas and starts the count. However after reaching the two count, Lynda lifts Jennifer's head and shoulders off the mat with a handful of hair. "Ahh, she kicked out" Pamela Anderson teases, and retreats to a vacant corner.
Lynda hauls Jennifer to her feet. The punch drunk zombie easily complies. Lynda escorts Jennifer back into enemy territory to her corner. Pam Grier is waiting outside the ropes in the corner and assists Lynda as soon as she arrives with her captive. Lynda props a sagging Jennifer in against the corner. Pam Grier and Lynda start removing Jennifer's now obsolete top. They had already raised the pink sports bra up and exposed Jennifer's amazingly perky forty year old tits. Now they strip the top off fully, pulling it off over Jennifer’s head. It leaves a dazed and swaying Jennifer wearing only her pink spandex pants with a black stripe down the sides.
Finally seeing Jennifer at the end of her rope, Jada leaps into the ring. Jenny is still near her corner, but has her back to Jada cause she is too busy looking at Jennifer's destruction. Jada grabs Jenny from behind, startling the blonde and tosses her into her corner. Next Jada starts rocking Jenny with fist after fist to the blonde's face.
Jada's flurry quickly draws Pamela Anderson, Lynda and Pam Grier's attention. They all abandon Jennifer and come to Jenny's aide. Jennifer slumps down to her knees then falls over, as Lynda and Pamela Anderson each seizes one of Jada's arms and ends her offensive flurry. They hold Jada while Jenny shakes her head and clears the cobwebs from Jada's brief assault. A couple of seconds later the fire returns to Jenny's eyes. "You see little bitch!" Jenny says as she drives a fist into Jada's belly. "You can't..." Jenny continues with another punch to Jada's head. "Hit the referee!" Jenny finishes with another punch to Jada's stomach, then back to the beauty's head.
Pam Grier joins in with Jenny walloping Jada from the belly up. When Pam Grier goes low, Jenny goes high, and vice versa. Jada's head is bobbing back and forth with every blow and her body violently jerks from the body shots. Within a minute or two they have rendered Jada as helpless and beaten of a sad sack as Jennifer, crumbled on the mat over in Lynda and Pam Grier's corner. Only Lynda and Pamela Anderson holding her arms is keeping Jada upright. Pam Grier motions Jenny away and continues beating Jada solo.
"Take her top off." Pam Grier orders. Lynda and Pamela Anderson eagerly start pulling Jada's black sports bra off over her head as Jada's head lulls listlessly from side to side on her shoulders. Jada wore an outfit identical to Jennifer's except she had a black sports bra and pants with a pink stripe, while Jennifer's was the opposite. During the process Jada is released and is about to sink to the mat, but Pam Grier wraps a mighty hand around Jada's throat. Pam Grier hoists the limp girl in the air with one hand and choke slams Jada to the canvas. Jada's body flops and lifelessly bounces like a crash test dummy. Anything left in her body was just slammed out by Pam Grier's mighty choke slam.
Pam Grier reaches down and claims a handful of hair to haul Jada up to her feet. She hears the miniature tough girl moan and whimper like a wounded puppy, dreading what her destroyer is going to do next. Pam Grier hoists Jada in her arms and into body slam position. The icon darts toward the ropes and bounds off of them, then leaps into the air and plants Jada in the middle of her friends, Lynda Jenny and Pamela Anderson, with a running Power Slam. Pam Grier stand and gives a nod, then all four women start kicking and stomping the tough talking, miniature bully into oblivion.
Despite already being beaten to a pulp, the selfless Jennifer forces her pain filled body to move. She crawls to the coalition stomping the pea out of Jada and dives on top of her partner, trying to protect her from serious harm. The four attackers did not seem to care. They kept stomping and kicking. They stomp Jennifer and look for openings to kick Jada repeatedly as well.
"This is too easy!" says Pamela Anderson.
As those words left Pamela's lips, she could not see two figures crawl out from underneath the ring. Somewhere, somehow, two people managed to sneak under the ring with the help of the stage crew before the match started. Equally as ominous, these two wield metal folding chairs as they creep out from opposite sides of the ring.
The quartet were so fixated on stomping mud holes in their adversaries, that they did not notice the two blonde figures slide under the bottom ropes and into the ring. They did not notice them until the rose to their feet with chairs in hand, and then it was too late.
Instantly Resistance members, Cameron Diaz and Jeri Ryan with chairs raised were standing behind Jada and Jennifer's attackers. Jenny and Pamela Anderson spotted Cameron behind Pam Grier and Lynda, but before they could properly warn their friends, a cracking pain shot through first Jenny's body as Jeri's chair crashes across her back. Then Pamela Anderson felt the chair's wrath across her shoulders and the back of her head.
Pam Grier parts her lips to warn Jenny and Pamela Anderson, but is interrupted by the clash of Cameron's chair across Lynda's back. She quickly turns to see her partner arching her back and wailing in pain. Jenny quickly brings the chair to bear on Pam, who is barely able to get her shoulder up to help deflect the chair to only partially striking her head. However is stunned her and knocked the legend off balance. It gave Cameron a clear clean shot at Pam Grier's head. The chair came down with a sickening crack on it's victim's head. The fans cringe and moan for Pam Grier. The legend's body, goes limp and falls to the canvas in semi conscious state. By the time Pam Grier's body has come to rest, Cameron has already returned her attention back to Lynda. The blonde whacks Lynda all over with the chair, targeting her thighs, back and mid section. Lynda was careful to avoid leaving her head open for the kill shot, learning from Pam Grier's demise.
Jeri is bopping Jenny with the chair and alternating to Pamela Anderson. After both Playmates are wobbly, Jeri sets up her strikes. She jabs the edge of the chair into Pamela Anderson's ribs to get her to double over clutching her midsection, leaving her open for a good head shot. Jeri swings the chair like a baseball bat knocking a baseball off of a tee. There is a loud pow from Jeri's homerun shot and Pamela goes reeling. Pamela Anderson stumbles several feet before bouncing off the ropes and falling to the canvas. She is all but out. Jeri is happy to not be concerned about her any more. Now Jeri can focus on her arch enemy, Jenny McCarthy. Jeri excitedly whacks Jenny with the chair until she falls.
Jennifer rolls off top Jada and the two look around to see that their reinforcements have demolished the competition. Both breathe easier and lie back on the mat taking their time recovering from the beatings they have sustained so far.
First, Jeri kicks Pamela Anderson, who was lying near the ropes, out of the ring. Next she roughly wrangles Jenny to her feet by her hair. Then she tosses the dazed beauty over the top rope out of the ring near where her woozy referee partner was lying. Jeri exits the ring to torture the Playmates much, much, more.
Meanwhile Cameron is still whacking Lynda and Pam Grier. Lynda was curled into a tight ball and grunting at each shot. Pam Grier was flat out on her back, slipping in and out of consciousness, offering no defense against Cameron's blows. Cameron shows her no mercy and clobbers her just the same. After she was satisfied that she had beaten them down sufficiently, Cameron tosses her chair out of the ring and joins Jeri beating the bejeeves out of Jenny and Pamela Anderson.
For a while the ring was peaceful. Lynda and Pam Grier lie on the mat moaning and occasionally trembling in pain if they moved wrong. Jada and Jennifer lie on the mat also, but they were collecting their breath and strength for the end of the match. Meanwhile outside the ring, Jeri and Cameron are slapping Jenny and Pamela Anderson around like they were in a slap stick comedy routine.
Finally Lynda and Pam Grier remember that they are still competing in an ongoing wrestling match. Also it is a match where the future of the league is in the balance. As legends are expected to do, they will their battered bodies to rise. Lynda and Pam Grier use the ropes to help them get to their feet. Jada and Jennifer abruptly cut their rest break short and scramble to their feet and dart to the other side of the ring to intercept the legends.
Jennifer grabs Lynda from behind as she was about standing and whips the brunette across the ring. When Lynda rebounds, Jennifer mows her down with a running clothesline. Jennifer stands over Lynda shouting, "Get up! We're going to see who's really Wonder Woman and who's Wonder Wimp!"
Jada spins Pam Grier around to face her. She wallops the icon over the head. To Jada's surprise Pam Grier hauls off and hits Jada right back. She also hit Jada really hard, too hard for Jada to take too many of them. Instantly, Jada's knee shoots up and drives deep into Pam Grier's pussy. Pam yells and bends over grabbing her crotch. Next Jada launches an upper cut to Pam Grier's jaw that straightens the legend and sends her flopping back against the corner. Jada climbs onto the middle ropes, trapping Pam Grier in the corner, grabs a handful of hair and starts pounding down on the legend's face.
Jada knew ever since Pam Grier bragged about an one night stand with her husband, Will Smith, before they were married, that she was going to beat the living hell out of this woman. Unknown to everyone, Jada and Will are going through a rough patch in their marriage. Jada is responsible for a lot of the tension. So when Pam Grier made that wise crack, Jada was provided with the opportunity to prove to Will, to everyone else and most importantly, herself, how much her marriage means to her.
Pam Grier gives Jada a hard shove, knocking the smaller woman off of her perch. Jada hits the mat but pops right back up to her feet. Pam Grier takes two steps toward her enemy then Jada explodes with a vicious low blow kick to her foe's pussy. Pam Grier roars and grabs her pussy again. Jada lunges in and digs her claws into Pam Grier's eyes. Jada scratches and gouges her foe's eyes with both hands. Then she brings Pam Grier's face closer to her and bites Pam on the bridge of her nose. Next Jada digs her thumbs into Pam's eye sockets, eliciting a horrible scream from Pam Grier's lips. Jada drags the legend down to the mat, sadistically gouging her eyes and biting her nose at the same time.
When Jada saw Pam Grier, she did not see a legend. She did not think about a role model and idol to millions including her husband. She did not see the trail blazing actress who broke barriers and that if not done, Jada would not enjoy the career and life that she and her husband enjoy. She did not see a woman twenty years older that definitely deserved her respect. All Jada saw was a threat. She saw another woman that threatens to steal her man. Jada would eat her alive.
Lynda and Jennifer are trading punches. Lynda is quickly finding out that is a contest she cannot win. Lynda would wobble after a hard blow, and Jennifer would yell at her, "Come on! Is that all you got? I thought I was supposed to be the wimp!"
Jennifer is sick and tired of being disrespected. She is tired of being a cream puff. She is tired of being considered a wimp. When the booking committee laughed at their status in the league, Jennifer took it as a personal swipe. After all she has done, everybody still remembers her as the weak girl that big bad Angelina Jolie took her husband. People remember and think about her getting humped and dumped by half of Hollywood the next years afterward.
After Jennifer's years of hard work, how dare Lynda say that she does not command the respect of Jennifer Lopez, Demi Moore, or Halle Berry. Jennifer drops Lynda with a right cross. Jennifer looks down at Lynda and demands "Get up!" Lynda is sitting on her ass, trying to clear her head. "You're gonna respect me after this! Cause I'm going to beat it into you. Now get up!"
Lynda tries to get up and shut Jennifer's mouth, but after absorbing the chair shots her body does not comply. Jennifer reaches down and roughly snatches Lynda up by her hair. Lynda sees the error of her ways at this point. She learns a lesson in management. The booking committee should have never disrespected and disregarded these ladies. They should have treated their concerns and complaints with respect and advised them how to better win over the audience instead of laughing in their faces. Jennifer lifts Lynda off her feet with one arm and throws her to the canvas.
Meanwhile at ringside Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy are bent over backwards across the announcer's table with Cameron Diaz and Jeri Ryan choking them. The Playmates are flopping and flailing like fish out of water. They are only inches away from the announcers, who are calling the action. They describe perfectly the referee's plight. Occasionally Cameron and Jeri would interrupt their chokes, and slap their enemies' faces before reapplying choke holds to the beaten referees.
Just as the situation was totally dismal for the booking committee, their reinforcements appear at the top of the ramp. The remaining three members of the Fab Four, Tia Carrere, Jennifer Lopez and Halle Berry appear, and ready to storm the ring. Amazingly they are standing alongside the other members of the ABA, Lucy Liu, Denise Richards and Demi Moore. Fans gasp seeing these arch enemies banned together. The strange alliance start toward the ring.
As they start off the stage and down the ramp, mysteriously the Resistance's Eva Mendes comes out the crowd and climbs on the ramp in between the strange alliance and the ring. "Not this time bitches!" Eva threatens. "You're not bullying or cheating your way this time. This time its curtains for both of you!"
Everybody on the stage chuckle and makes light of Eva's threat. They are about to step off the stage, when they heard a strange popping noise above their heads. Suddenly a panel of the huge red curtains at the back of the stage starts falling. The curtain falls down and forward and cascades over the heads of the ABA and Fab Four contingent. The strange alliance totally disappears under the red veil and are totally covered up like caught under a net.
Suddenly out of hiding places back stage, members of the Resistance come running out like cockroaches. Kelly Hu, Christina Milian, Nikki Cox, Spontaneous Xtasty and Ashlee Simpson converge on the women trapped under the curtain and attack like a street gang. They start kicking and hitting the figures trapped under the curtain. Trapped under the curtain the woman cannot strike back at their attackers. Of course they cannot see the blows coming to defend themselves in any way. They are totally helpless and defenseless.
Kelly Hu kicks at the figure standing nearest where Tia Carrere was before the curtain fell. Kelly's side kung fu kick snaps into the figure and she drops instantly. It was totally understandable after the beating Tia took earlier that night at Jessica Alba's hands. Kelly hopes it really was Tia. Nikki Cox went after Demi Moore, the one responsible for kicking her out of the ABA. Nikki kept beating on the figure until she bellowed, and Nikki identified the voice as Demi's.
They kept kicking and hitting the six figures under the curtain until all of them fell to the ground. Even then they kept kicking and stomping mud holes in the trapped, unfortunate strange alliance. Once there were only moans and groans coming from under the curtain, the Resistance girls carefully collect the curtain's corners and edges. The made sure they kept the strange alliance trapped in the fabric. Finally they call for a hook to be lowered from the ceiling. They attach the curtain to the hook and raise the big ball of sex symbols 10 feet above the stage.
The Resistance girls smile and high five their sucess. Once again the Skipper's plan worked to perfection. While the booking committee allied themselves with the ABA and Fab Four, and named their referees, the Resistance made a secret alliance with the stage crew. The skipper theorized the booking committee would over look the 'little guys' just as they overlook the mid card talent. The stage crew helped Cameron and Jeri hide under the ring. They also happily rigged the eleborate trap with the curtain for a little afection and financial consideration from these unrespected stars.
With their reinforcements now captured, Lynda, Pam Grier, Jenny and Pamela Anderson were at their enemies mercy. Lynda and Pam Grier knew they were going to have troubles beating Jada and Jennifer going into the match. After absorbing the chair attack, they had no chance. Jennifer and Jada are veterans, both experienced catfighters around 40 years old, but Lynda and Pam Grier are about 20 years older than Jada and Jennifer. It was frustrating and humbling for them to accept their beatings. The legendary catfighters felt that if this battle had happened 15 or 20 years earlier, that they would have mopped the mat with both Jennifer and Jada.
At ringside, Jeri and Cameron are having a contest to see who can break their Playmate first. They simultaneously bounce Pamela Anderson and Jenny's face off the announce table till one drops. After 26 slams, Pamela's face hits the table and slides off and she spills onto the floor at Cameron's feet. Cameron celebrates her victory, while Jeri gets even angrier at her arch enemy Jenny. She promises Jenny she will pay severely for making her lose the contest.
In the ring, Jada sits on the top rope and capture's Pam Grier's head between her legs. Jada secures her calf against Pam Grier's throat, and the back of the legend's head against Jada's crotch. Jada then leans back and hangs upside down with her legs around Pam Grier's neck. Jada uses her body weight to trap and choke the icon. Pam Grier struggles to pry the legs from around her throat but, with Jada's weight and gravity working against her, the tired Hall of Famer was hopeless. After a minute, Pam Grier's arms fall to her sides and her eyes start rolling back in her head. Jada finally releases Pam Grier. The legend takes two steps forward and falls flat on her face.
Jada laughs at the sight of the fallen legend. Jada drags Pam Grier's body into the proper position then climbs to the top turnbuckle. Jada leaps off the top ropes and delivers an elbow drop onto Pam Grier's massive chest, a la Macho Man Randy Savage. "Who's the baddest chick in town now?" Jada comments making reference to the slogan to Pam's classic "Foxy Brown, The baddest chick in town" movie poster.
Long time Pam Grier fans cringe and look away. Pam Grier has not found herself in this position often in her storied catfight career. The oldest fans remember the brash young trash talking 24 year old Pam Grier wrestled Nichelle Nichols of Star Trek fame in an old school apartment catfight. In a 48 minute ordeal, Nichols captured Grier between her legendary legs and squeezed, choked and locked Grier in holds nearly the entire time. In the end a totally nude Grier laid flat on her back covered in sweat. Patches of her iconic afro were gone and rolling around the apartment like tumbleweeds. Nichols with barely a hair out of place and her bikini fully intact stood over Grier with a foot on her chest. Nichols warns Grier about watching her mouth in the future. Grier weakly uttered, "Yes ma'am" giving the older woman the proper respect.
Intent on breaking her opponent, Jada climbs the ropes a second time and leaps off again, and comes crashing down on Pam Grier's chest. Other fans comment that they have not seen Grier in this much trouble since 1984. Then a video tape surfaced of her battling catfight queen Ebony Ayes at a party. Ayes eventually pinned Grier and slapped her big tits around until a tearful Grier was forced to submit.
"Are you still the baddest chick in town bitch?" Jada nastily asks. Despite how bad she is being beaten, Pam Grier's pride will not give Jada the satisfaction of a truthful answer to that question. So she remains silent. Some of her fans harkens back to Grier's last big defeat against Angela Bassett. Then she was over powered and out wrestled by Bassett who simply wanted the win much more. The winner won the title role in Tina Turner's biopic movie, What's Love Got To Do With It. Bassett practically executed Grier for the role. She was brutal, punishing Grier much longer than necessary. It was later revealed that Tina Turner put a bounty on Grier in revenge for Grier crushing Turner several times during the 70's. The final picture was Grier being carried out of the ring by two muscle bound ring attendants, and Bassett going on to an Academy award nomination for the role.
Across the ring Lynda is totally finished. She is in the corner with her arms draped over the top rope to remain standing while Jennifer tees off on her with looping fists to Lynda's jaw. Lynda's fans have not seen her look this pitiful since she loss an apartment wrestling match in the 70's against The Price is Right's Dian Parkinson. Dian proved superior and left Lynda buck naked and bound on the floor, and begging the spectators to free her.
Lynda starts slumping off the ropes and falling down. "What's the matter Wonder Woman? Is Wonder Wimp kicking your ass?" Jennifer taunts as she catches Lynda and prompts her back up in the corner. Lynda's fans drop their heads seeing their heroine in such dire straits. Many remember when Lynda was obliterated by Daisy Duke star, Catherine Bach. Catherine used her long sexy legs to subdue Lynda and humble their favorite.
Jennifer scoops Lynda up and hoists her onto her shoulders into a fireman's carry. The great legend hung drooping over Jennifer's shoulders like a wet wash towel. She looked so helpless and powerless. She had not appeared like that since losing a match to Jamie Lee Curtis near the end of her career. Curtis tortured Carter in a leg lock long after the wondrous catfighter surrendered. Then Lynda pitifully begged for her release. Curtis was content to listen to her pleas while Lynda suffered. Now Jennifer tosses Lynda in the air off her shoulders, allowing Lynda to come crashing to the mat flat on the mat with a thunderous boom.
After beating most signs of life out of the legends, it is time for a conclusion. Jada drags Pam Grier's limp body across the canvas to the middle of the ring by her hair. Jada releases Pam Grier's hair leaving the pained icon lying on her back, wincing. A moment later, Jennifer arrives carrying Lynda in her arms. Then she body slams Lynda's body right on top of Pam Grier's chest. The former Foxy Brown barks and jackknifes up briefly as her friend comes crashing down on top of her. Lynda's limp body lies on top of Pam Grier's flaccid body in one pile of iconic figures. Jada and Jennifer strike a pose and both plants a foot on top of the pile.
Moments later Jeri and Cameron wrangle a thoroughly trashed, Jenny and Pamela Anderson under the ropes and into the ring. Jeri climbs on Jenny's back while, Cameron mounts Pamela Anderson. Both Resistance women grab their captive referee's head and twist them back painfully. "Make the count or we'll break your fucking necks!" Cameron threatens.
Pamela Anderson and Jenny were instructed not to count Lynda and Pam Grier out under any circumstances. However they never imagined these circumstances. Pam Grier and Lynda are helpless and piled on top of each other. Their friends captured and hanging above the stage in make shift trap. Pamela Anderson and Jenny's necks are getting stretched and twisted painfully. They never dreamed of a dismal situation like this. Jenny broke first. She slaps the mat and calls out "One!" Pamela Anderson joins in, and the two simultaneously shout, "Two!" Finally they count "Three!"
Jada and Jennifer share a smile and a brief instant. They both know what this victory and achievement meant to each other personally. Next they share a tight hug shouting "We did it!" feeling vindicated of some personal demons. Cameron and Jeri soon come over and share the hug as their enemies lie beaten at their feet.
Soon the ring fills with every member of the Resistance. Jessica Alba, Eva Longoria, Jessica Simpson, Eva Mendes, Kelly Hu, Spontaneous Xtasty, Nikki Cox, Gwen Stefani, Christina Milian and Ashlee Simpson all join the celebration in the ring. Ring attendants bring out cases of champagne and the party is on full fledge.
Lynda, Pam Grier, Jenny and Pamela Anderson were all too beaten to exit the ring on their own power. They lie sprawled on the mat at various places. They were forced to look at the winners with the bitter taste of defeat and failure in their mouths. Meanwhile the Resistance members celebrate and spray each other with champagne. Some douse the fallen warriors disrespectfully with champagne. Lynda, Pam Grier, Jenny and Pamela Anderson wear sour faces of disgrace. It was obvious they despised this treatment, but helpless to prevent anything.
Nikki Cox and Jessica Simpson took the liberty to settle some old grudges and kick Jenny and Pamela Anderson around. Nikki gets a measure of revenge from Jenny for her dismissal of the ABA. Jessica added to her argument that she is now the premier blonde bombshell by breast smothering Pamela Anderson out. Then Eva Mendes got the brilliant idea to award Jada and Jennifer with souvenirs of the night and started stripping Pam Grier and Lynda of their body suits. After removing the body suits, Eva drapes them around suits around Jennifer and Jada's neck. Meanwhile Pam Grier and Lynda Carter are left lying on the canvas in nothing but their bra and panties. Remarkably the advanced milf's although 20 pounds heavier than most fan remember, were raising pants tents from the fellas in the audience. Gwen Stefani and Xtasty, then stripped Pamela Anderson and Jenny of every stitch of their clothing, then threw their cute referee outfits and under garments into the audience as souvenirs for the fans.
Finally Raquel Welch and Loni Anderson take their dreaded trip into the ring. Cameron presents them with a clip board with a several page document attached. "Don't read it, just sign it!" Cameron bluntly demands. Raquel knew it was the conditions of the booking committee’s unconditional surrender to the Resistance. "You’ll find out what it says Monday!" Raquel slowly signs the paper and hands it back to Cameron. "Now beat it!" Cameron threatens or "Or you'll end up like your cheating friends!" Loni and Raquel dejectedly leave the ring.
Soon after, the Resistance members exit the ring as well to clean up for a proper celebration. As they leave they nod to an engineer that lowers the curtain containing the ABA and Fab Four members, down to the stage. The women crawl out of their net and go to the ring to collect their friends. It was still strange seeing The Fab Four and the ABA working hand in hand. Lynda was carried from the ring with one arm draped over Demi Moore's shoulder and the other over Tia Carrere's. Meanwhile Pam Grier an arm had over Jennifer Lopez's shoulder and the other over Denise Richards' shoulder.
The next Monday morning after RAGE! Pam Grier, Loni Anderson, Lynda Carter and Raquel Welch arrive at Stone Rage's offices to find that each one's office had been totally cleaned out. They had messages to meet in the conference room at 9am.
The members of the booking committee enter the conference room to discover their fate. They find Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Aniston, Jada Pinkett Smith and Eva Mendes waiting for them already seated at the table. The members of the booking committee take their seats at the other end of the table.
"Good morning ladies" Cameron begins. "As I'm sure you remember, you loss the Unconditional Surrender match and are now contractually bound to submit to our demands and sanctions. Stone Rage has approved all our demands and we have his full support." Cameron explains, "At first we were going to disband this committee, but we've reconsidered. We agree with the overall concept of a booking committee, but disagree with the closed mindedness of the individuals on the committee currently. We also think that if the committee is supposed to have legislation over the wrestlers, they should be a representation of the ladies in the league. Just like congress represent and speak for the people they serve, so should the booking committee."
Cameron gets to the thrust of her sanctions. "With that in mind, we are holding elections for a new booking committee. We're going to play a game called Dirty Politics. Over the next few months, winners of matches will get a ballot, and be able to vote on the members of the new committee." Cameron explains. "To prove that we are not bullies like the Fab Four or the ABA, we will graciously allow you four to be eligible for the election. Besides, I'm sure Jennifer and Jada have taught you a valuable lesson about respecting everybody in this league."
Jada and Jennifer peer across the table with a satisfying and gloating smirk. Lynda and Pam Grier glare angrily back, like they wanted to wipe those smirks off of Jada and Jennifer's faces. But their battered, aging bodies were still extremely sore. They knew they get their ass kicked yet again, if they tried anything. However Pam Grier and Lynda swore revenge on Jada, Jennifer and the entire Resistance. They promised themselves to beat them down, one day soon.
Cameron begins again. "To oversee this election and the new committee, we are naming a new chairman of the booking committee. I'm sure you know her. She is someone we affectionately call, 'the skipper' and is the unknown mastermind behind the Resistance. Ladies, that woman is Christina Applegate."
"Now ladies, we still have a place for you in this organization." Camron says. "I know you probably realize your offices have been cleaned out. All of your things and your desks have been moved down into the basement. We understand that you have experience and skill making contracts and could be a big assistance to Christina. Therefore you will be employed as administrative assistants to Christina. Maybe if you're lucky you'll win the election and get your old office back. Until then, you'll be doing all the dirty work for Christina. And I mean dirty work." Cameron repeats sinisterly.
"When we were formed, I told you that we would upset the structure of the league. We promised an even playing field and a fair environment for everyone. That day has now arrived." Cameron finishes, "Good luck in the voting and may Dirty Politics begin!"
BACK TO THE CELEBRITIES
TO JADA PINKETT
TO JENNIFER ANISTON
TO LYNDA CARTER
TO PAM GRIER
TO FAB FOUR
FOLLOW Mona Wales TO PUBLIC DISGRACE!